Naruto Snippets
"Speech"
'Thoughts'
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Speed is Power
"Sir! The Ten Tails is too strong!" One of the sensor ninjas declared. "Naruto and Killer Bee can't stop it!" The tension within the Allied Shinobi Forces headquarters skyrocketed at his declaration. While everyone knew in the abstract that the Ten Tails was the strongest Tailed Beast, most had assumed that the Eight and Nine Tails working together could match it. Or at least slow it down.
Shikaku considered what options they had. Gai and Kakashi were on the battlefield as well but clearly they weren't making a dent in things either. The rest of the battlefields were handled so they could send the entirety of the Allied Shinobi Forces against the Ten Tails and Madara, but almost everyone was tired and injured from battle. Who was to say drowning it in numbers would work?
A hand on his shoulder made him look up at the Raikage's secretary, Mabui he thought her name was. "Tell everyone to fall back immediately," Mabui confidently ordered. "I can handle things from here."
Her sheer confidence caused Shikaku to nod towards Inoichi, confirming Mabui's orders. "What do you intend to do?" Shikaku asked her, curious how she planned on taking out a Tailed Beast the size of Konoha.
"I'm going to kill a Tailed Beast… with a pencil," The silver-haired woman replied, pulling a sharpened pencil out of her pocket. At his questioning look, Mabui explained, "My Heavenly Transfer Jutsu had to be altered from how I originally designed it. I forgot to take into account that the object I transferred would impact at lightspeed without safety precautions. The initial test destroyed a mountain. So I redesigned it to cancel all inertia just before the package arrived at its destination. But I still remember my Heavenly Impact Jutsu."
"Sir, Kakashi has reported that Naruto is fleeing the scene while carrying the others but the Ten Tails is in pursuit!" One of the sensors announced.
"Do it," Shikaku ordered Mabui with a firm nod.
The Kumo ninja nodded back and set the pencil in her hand on a nearby table before forming the ram seal. The pencil was engulfed in electric blue light and vanished. As soon as it disappeared, Mabui reached into her pocket and pulled out several more pencils. "It never hurts to be thorough, right?"
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Madara stood atop the Ten Tails and idly watched it chase after the two remaining Jinchuuriki. It didn't particularly matter to him, but Obito was insistent on "Making Naruto just like him" so he allowed the boy to play with his food. The next thing he knew, there was a lot of noise and light and he knew nothing more until his body regenerated.
Once his body was whole, Madara realized Obito and the Ten Tails were nowhere to be seen. Given the latter was the size of a city, he was more than a little concerned. The undead Uchiha took a great leap upwards and looked around to gather his bearings. He found that he had been inside a cluster of massive craters and neither his cohort nor his enemies were anywhere to be seen or sense. 'Did they somehow teleport me to another location? Perhaps they believed removing Obito and I from the Ten Tails would allow them to defeat it.' As he landed, he caught the telltale warp of Obito's Kamui. Yet what stepped out wasn't his most critical pawn, but his adversaries.
"What the hell, sensei?!" Naruto loudly demanded.
Naturally, that's when things went from completely unsalvageable to even worse as the entire Shinobi Allied Forces, along with Sasuke's group and the revived Hokage, arrived.
-[-
"And that, class, is how the Fifth Raikage saved the world," The instructor wrapped up his lesson for the day. For once, his students were all paying rapt attention to his lecture, something that both pleased and frustrated him. It was great that they were so invested in history, but why couldn't they show the same level of interest when he covered the founding of the villages or any of a hundred other important events? The bell rang, denoting the end of the day. As the students quickly scrambled to gather their things and be first out the door, Iruka shouted, "Remember your essays on a notable figure in Konoha's history are due on Wednesday!"
Once everyone was gone, Iruka straightened up his papers and headed back towards the teacher's lounge. Over a decade of peace hadn't changed his job much, beyond teaching more about the other nations. When he opened the door, a surprise awaited him. "You know dear, no one would begrudge you retiring. We'd have more time together too," Shizune offered as she smiled at her husband.
"I thought you retired because you didn't want to be the assistant for three Hokage in a row?" Iruka joked.
"Please, I lived with and worked under Tsunade for over twenty years. Naruto would be nothing by comparison."
-[-
Natural Exposition
Within one of Konoha's many training grounds, Training Ground 3 to be specific, a group of young genin ran an improvised obstacle course under their sensei's supervision. "Hokage, Mizukage, Kazekage, Tsuchikage," Naruto recited as he climbed a stone wall. "And… uh… Kumokage?" A practice kunai hit him in the side just above his hip, "Ow! Dangit!" Knowing he had gotten it wrong, Naruto hopped down from the wall and did his penalty of twenty push-ups.
"Well then, since Naruto got it wrong," Kakashi lazily commented, before throwing another dull practice kunai at Sakura where she was crawling under a series of spikes. She yelped and lay flat to allow the practice weapon to sail overhead. "How about you offer him a refresher Sakura?"
The young kunoichi picked herself up as much as she was able, silently cursing her sensei for forcing her to crawl through the mud like this. Out loud, she merely recited, "The leaders – hah – of the five – huff – great ninja villages… are the Hokage, Kazekage, Mizukage… Tsuchikage, and Raikage."
"Good job. Though you'll need to pick up the pace. Sasuke and Naruto have already lapped you." He grinned at the grumbling Sakura thought he couldn't hear. Another kunai hit Sasuke in the elbow where he was shimmying on his fingertips across a narrow ledge over a pool of freezing water. To his credit, the boy managed to barely hang on with his remaining hand before getting a proper grip again. "Two questions for Sasuke. First, what is chakra? Second, why am I quizzing you?"
"Chakra is the combination of mental energy and physical stamina that ninja use for a variety of purposes, such as enhancing reflexes or casting jutsu," Sasuke grunted. "And you're obviously testing our ability to multitask by questioning us as we train." A kunai hit him in each wrist, causing him to fall into the pond below. Sasuke broke the surface quickly, glaring at Kakashi even as he shivered from the unnaturally cold water.
His sensei was completely unaffected by Sasuke's attempts to murder him with a look. "No credit for partial answers, Sasuke."
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Deleting West
"This jutsu I'm about to show you is called the Water Trumpet. The hand signs are dragon, tiger, hare." Kakashi moved through the hand signs with deliberate slowness. Then he brought one hand up to his mouth and formed a circle with his fingers before blowing a pressurized stream of water towards a tree. After a second, he cut off the technique, showing the tree had been stripped of its bark where it was hit. "It's functionally the water equivalent of the Uchiha Clan's Great Fireball Jutsu, though less likely to injure you while you learn it." After a moment, he added, "Well, you could accidentally drown yourself if you mess up and fill your lungs with water I suppose."
All three of his genin blanched at the casual warning. "What do you mean, drown?!" Naruto shouted in horror, Sakura half a syllable behind him. Even Sasuke was clearly unnerved. They were excited to finally be learning a new jutsu after weeks of nothing but teamwork exercises and D-Ranks but they definitely weren't interested in drowning!
Kakashi only looked vaguely interested. "Hm? Well, much like the Great Fireball involves creating fire inside your mouth, Water Trumpet requires you create water inside your mouth. If you do something foolish like keeping your head tilted back while still learning the jutsu, you could easily end up filling your lungs with water instead." At their horrified looks, Kakashi merely gave one of his eye smiles. "Anyway, we'll be working on that for today. Aim for one of those trees and keep out of each other's line of fire."
With that, the Jonin casually leaned against a tree behind his students and settled down with his Icha Icha while they practiced.
-[-
An hour later and the training ground looked much like Kakashi assumed it would. Sakura managed the jutsu on her second try, but could only do it once before having to rest for several minutes. Each cast hit with less force than his own, but still a perfectly acceptable strength. By his clock, she'd be going for her fourth usage in a few more minutes. Then there was Sasuke, who had taken over half an hour to get the jutsu right but still managed to utilize it ten times before he needed a break. Pros and cons of being an Uchiha, Kakashi supposed. Larger than average amount of chakra but a strong affinity for fire. Lastly was Naruto, who hadn't managed the jutsu yet. Despite what some thought, Naruto's poor control didn't result in him overloading the jutsu. Not that he could; a simple jutsu like the Water Trumpet merely grew stronger the more chakra poured into it, even if it didn't scale efficiently enough to be worth the effort. Instead, the problem was Naruto's poor control along with his habit of trying too hard, which resulted in him throwing around vast amounts of chakra, but only a small amount of it actually got used in the jutsu itself. So far, Naruto's efforts at the Water Trumpet were more akin to a garden hose than anything.
Just as Kakashi was debating offering some advice, Sakura apparently decided to step in. "Darn it, Naruto! Stop throwing chakra everywhere and put it all in your mouth!" Kakashi pondered for a moment if Sakura meant for her advice to sound so dirty, before deciding she probably hadn't. A muffled choking noise from Sasuke confirmed that he grasped the accidental innuendo though a quick glance showed he wasn't drowning himself on accident.
Naruto's oblivious reply made it clear that he didn't notice nor had he considered Sakura's advice before. Turning back to his tree, he tried again, going through the hand signs slowly to make sure he got them right, something Kakashi actually approved of. It was better to get a jutsu right then work on speed rather than risk performing the wrong hand signs and having it blow up in your face, possibly literally. Kakashi wasn't a sensor ninja by any means but even a civilian would notice the amount of chakra Naruto decided to pour into his newest attempt. Just before Naruto fired off the Water Trumpet, Kakashi grabbed the genin from behind and turned him so he wouldn't be facing anything important.
Naruto's resulting blast of water had less in common with the C-Rank jutsu it was meant to be and more with the A-Rank jutsu Great Waterfall. Every tree in front of Naruto was swept away and smashed to pieces by the current, the water quickly turning brown and filthy as the ground was carried away as well. Once Naruto's jutsu finally ended, it looked like a tidal wave had swept through or perhaps the Second Hokage testing a new jutsu. Naruto fell on his butt, winded from overexertion. "Woo, think I overdid it a little," The blonde panted.
As his other two students gaped in shock, Kakashi offered a rueful chuckle. "Congratulations Naruto, you managed to make an A-Rank jutsu that costs at least five times as much as it should."
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While teaching Naruto to put only as much chakra as necessary (or close enough) into a jutsu was an ongoing process, his ability to massively upscale a jutsu did have its own benefits. As the old ANBU adage went, "Sometimes when sending a message, you should start with 'This is a Public Service Announcement'." Because an enemy can't be west of your position if there is no west.
As such, when their first C-Rank mission went to hell and a former Swordsman of the Hidden Mist appeared, Kakashi made an executive decision. "Naruto, You see that enemy ninja?" He called out to his genin, who thankfully was at the front of their formation around the client. Said enemy ninja was looking at the pair like they were insane. Which, to be fair, Kakashi might well be for what he was about to do.
"Yes sensei?"
"I don't want to."
Say what you would about him, but sometimes Naruto could be quick on the uptake. "Yes sensei!" The blonde formed a bird hand sign and took a deep breath before exhaling "Great Breakthrough!" The gust of wind he exhaled was like a hurricane. Boulders, trees, the lake, and one unfortunate enemy ninja. All of them were blasted away by Naruto's overpowered jutsu. Once the wind abated, Zabuza was nowhere in sight and his partner decided they were no longer taking their current job… once he actually found Zabuza, anyway.
"Good job, team," Kakashi cheerfully called. Given the look on Tazuna's face, he wouldn't be disparaging Kakashi's genin ever again. The Jonin tactfully ignored the growing patch on the front of the old man's pants. It wasn't an uncommon reaction from civilians seeing a ninja rearrange the landscape after all.
His team wasn't nearly as tactful. While Sasuke and Sakura both took a blatant step away from the man with uncomfortable expressions on their face, Naruto was the one to loudly shout, "Oh man. Did you piss yourself, old man?! Gross!" Kakashi sighed to himself. At least lecturing Naruto on how to interact with clients would probably be more pleasant than fighting such a high profile missing-nin. Probably.
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AN: The first snippet was based on my incredulity that a woman who can transport objects anywhere at lightspeed wasn't the single most broken character in the franchise. A grain of sand would still be wiping out any building in Naruto should it impact at lightspeed, never mind something heavier. Fun fact, some napkin math says if Tsunade and A, who weigh a combined 150kg, impacted anything on the planet at lightspeed, you'd be looking at a minimum of the K-PG Extinction Event, aka the impact that wiped out the Dinosaurs (and about 75% of life on earth).
The second snippet was from me and some friends discussing series that handle worldbuilding exposition badly. Naruto is one of the worst ones we discussed as the characters being used as audience substitutes have been at school for over half their lives learning this exact information. In the middle, you have RWBY where Jaune has a Huntsman father yet also has no training or anything so he should know more, but it's forgivable that he's so ignorant. Then you have Bleach where Ichigo has zero reason to know about Hollows, Shinigami, etc. So I figured why not have the exposition done as part of a training exercise where the questions are just a distraction from the physical tasks to see how well they multitask and gauge fitness by how well they can talk while exercising.
Third was from Jiraiya's little "There's lots of techniques that require lots of chakra and nothing else" which never panned out since he taught Naruto ONE jutsu that doesn't require a lot of control, and only two jutsu in total. As Naruto's only ranged option for most of the series is "Throw a kunai at them", I figured "Why not have Kakashi teach him an easy offensive jutsu or two that just gets stronger if he overloads it?" The man knows over a thousand jutsu (allegedly), there has to be at least a few he knows where more chakra = more power, even if they scale poorly. When a boy's only two combat jutsu are both Jonin level, and he throws them around like confetti, he can afford to spend 20x the chakra to get 5x the result.