Chapter 3 Back in Tokyo

A/N: I never thought I would restart this fanfic either…

Standard disclaimers apply.

I stared at the piece of paper in my hand.

This can't be. Mom was so healthy when we said goodbyes at the airport. There has to be some kind of mistake. It can't be her.

"Kaoru-chan?" Mrs. Kano's voice sounded distant.

"I need to pack," I announced, ignoring the inquiry in her voice.

"I'll go look at flight tickets for you," Mrs. Kano said quietly and left.

The room grew unbearably small.

"I need to pack," I repeated and yanked open the closet door. A dusty blue trench coat tumbled to the floor with a soft, muted thud.

I stared at it through rasping breathes.

This coat…this was the last thing Mom and I bought together. She said it brought out the color of my eyes.

I remember her packing it for me in my suitcase, telling me to hang it up so it didn't wrinkle.

"Because we know how much you love ironing." She had winked at me, the afternoon sunlight framing her in a halo.

I should have hung on longer to that moment.

Why didn't I?

Six hours later and I was back in my neighborhood in Tokyo.

Everything was the same—the taiyaki snack shop by the corner, the florist with the buckets of carnations neatly lined up outside by the window, and the steep hill, at the top of which was my home.

I opened the front door, expecting my mom to welcome me home and tell me about all the stray cats she saw, but instead I was greeted by—

Silence.

I wandered through the rooms aimlessly, noticing that the drying rack was full of dishes that were ready to be put away in the kitchen, the newspaper from days ago was still spread out on the living room coffee table, and a bed that hasn't been made yet. There was evidence of my mom's presence everywhere in this house, but now all there was left was —

Emptiness.

I crawled into my mom's bed and wrapped her blanket over me, trying to cling to the last traces of her warm jasmine scent. It was Mom's favorite flower and we used to buy jasmine flower bracelets in the summer. I thought it was a tradition we would have until the end of time, but I don't know if I can even think about the pale white flower anymore because Mom was —

Gone.

And I was alone in the world.

Forever.

I woke up to the sound of the doorbell ringing downstairs.

Tomoe? But she was away on a business trip.

The doorbell rang again, persistent.

Who was it?

I opened the door and squinted at the dark-hair man.

"Hi."

"Soujirou?" I gasped. "Wh-what are you doing here?"

"Mrs. Kano asked me to check on you," He smiled faintly. "But I would have come anyway."

"Oh."

"You bumped into me when you were headed to the airport and you were so pale. I asked you if you were okay, but you just…left."

"I…I don't remember," I murmured. "Sorry."

He shook his head. "You don't have to apologize."

"Uh…would you like to come in and have some tea?" I asked.

"That would be nice."

I stepped aside, and he followed me into the kitchen. He leaned casually against the fridge, arms folded as I filled a glass. When I handed it to him, his fingers brushed against mine. After a day of feeling like I was the only one left in the world, the warmth of another human being was welcoming.

He didn't drink right away. Instead, his eyes lingered on me, his expression quiet but searching.

"Have you eaten anything today?"

"I've been traveling." I shrugged.

"So you ate something?"

I wanted to nod. I was a pretty good liar, and I know I could end the conversation if I just say 'yes.' But meeting his concerned gaze, I faltered and shook my head truthfully.

Without a word, he sat down the glass of water and walked back into the hallway.

Was he leaving? I blinked in confusion.

Moments later, he returned with a small package in his hands.

"I got an extra ekiben." He explained, gently pushing me toward the dining table. "Eat."

He pressed a pair of chopsticks in my hands and opened the bento box for me.

The sight of karaage stung my eyes.

A dish that my mom was famous for and one of my favorite things to eat.

"Itadakimasu." I whispered and took a bite of the karaage cautiously, the familiar flavor profile bringing back memories of when I was at Berklee. My mom came to visit me a few times and each time, she made me bento boxes for school. I had tried to tell her that I had a meal plan, but it didn't stop her from getting up early in the mornings and making all kinds of delicious food to stuff into my bento box.

Thinking back, it was her way of saying, I love you.

My throat constricted and I felt nauseous, but I continued eating.

If Soujirou noticed, he didn't say anything. He just saw there, watching me like we had all the time in the world.

The next week was a blur, all the days and nights colliding with one another, forming a long chain of dream called reality.

Placing coins for her journey across the Sanzu no Kawa.

The scent of incense clinging my clothes.

Transferring the remains of her to the urn.

The next thing I knew was sitting down on the floor in my home. I gazed at the urn on the table.

All that's left of her — her laughter, her warmth, her voice — was now condensed inside a cold urn.

Is this all we are? Ashes and dust? Is this it?

I inhaled sharply and squeezed my eyes shut.

I can't cry anymore. I have to be strong now. I'm the only one I can depend on.

"It'll be okay." I told myself, my voice sounding small in the room.

Just then, the front door opened.

"Kaoru, I'm here with dinner." Tomoe walked in, carrying a pale-yellow bag on her shoulder.

"Thanks," I attempted a smile, grateful to her and her family's assistance with the funeral process despite everything that was going on in their lives.

She shook her head. "I wish I can do more."

"No. You have already been a big help…especially with everything that's going on with you," I hesitated, tugging on my pearl necklace. "How's Enishi?"

"Still under monitoring," Tomoe sighed as she took out boxes of food from her bag. "But I know he didn't do it."

"Can I do anything?" I asked.

"It's okay. Luckily, our house guest is a detective and he has agreed to help us with the case. We are hoping for good news soon."

I nodded.

"I want to stay longer, but I have to go back." Tomoe made a vague gesture toward the door.

"Of course. Thank you for the food," I walked her down the hallway, noticing the dark circles underneath her eyes, a sharp contrast to her pale skin.

Have I been relying too much on her? Aren't I supposed to be independent?

"Tomoe?"

"Hmm?"

"You don't have to worry about me anymore." I told her, the lie tumbling off my tongue easily. "I'm heading back to Hokkaido tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" She repeated, surprised at my announcement.

"Yep, but would you mind keeping the keys and checking on the house from time to time?"

"Of course, but are you sure you are okay going back so soon?"

I nodded, flashing her a what I hoped was a convincing smile.

"Let me know how your thing goes," I squeezed her hand.

Tomoe nodded. "Take care, Kaoru."

I stood alone on the doorsteps long after she has left, suppressing the guilty weight in my stomach.

"You shouldn't have lied to her," a quiet voice remarked, making me jump.

I jumped, spinning toward the sound.

A figure leaned against the wall. His soft black hair that was almost dark brown falling across his eyes, a small frown on his face.

"What-how long have you been there?"

Soujirou straightened and stepped toward me. "Your friend's really worried about you. She was talking to someone at the funeral today about moving in with you for a few weeks and making sure you're okay."

"How do you know that…" my question trailed off as I noticed his outfit—an all-black ensemble of a formal black suit, black shirt, and black tie.

A similar figure at the funeral flashed through my mind, standing near the back of the funeral hall with his head bowed.

"You were there today." I whispered.

"I wanted to pay my respect," he replied quietly.

"Thank you." I bowed.

He nodded, his eyes fixed on a point beyond the hill.

A gust of the chilly fall wind blew past me and I shivered.

"You should go back in," he said.

I looked into his eyes and, just like a few nights ago, found myself asking, "Do you want to come in for some tea?"

"That is very kind of you." He murmured and followed me into the house.

Soujirou eyed the containers Tomoe left me and said, "I'm glad that your appetite is coming back."

"Oh yes, of course!" I hurriedly picked up the boxes and stuffed them in the fridge. I hoped he wouldn't catch sight of the content in my fridge, but…

"Kaoru," He asked in an eerily calm voice, "What's in your fridge?"

Not waiting for a response, he walked past me and opened the fridge doors, revealing shelves of untouched food containers. He turned around to me. "Explain."

"What?" I sighed, the exhaustion of the week churning inside me. "In case you haven't noticed, I was busy organizing my mom's funeral."

"But you need to eat!"

Something in the way he was insisting made my temper flare.

"Why are you fixated on me eating? Are you the god of appetite or something? I just lost the most important person of my life. Can't a girl grieve in peace?"

Soujirou stared at me coolly, making me even more frustrated. "And why are you here anyways? I barely know you!"

"Mrs. Kano asked me—"

"Yeah yeah she asked you to check on me. Well, you checked and now you can leave."

Soujirou tilted his head and asked me softly, "Do you really want me to go?"

I bit out before I could stop myself. "Yes, please. Leave."

He nodded. Pausing by the door, he said, "I think your mom would rather you eat well and be healthy...this only makes the separation more painful for her."

"How can you say that?" I yelled after his back, my body shaking. "How dare you assume this is what my mom would want? You didn't even know her!"

He half-turned and said slowly, "But I did."

Leave a review and let me know what you think ;)

Japanese terms (that you probably already knew but I thought I would include them anyways):

Taiyaki- Japaneses fish-shaped (specifically a red sea bream) cake that is sold as a street food. A very common but delicious filling is sweet red bean paste.

Ekiben-Train station bento. Delicious!

Karaage-Deep fried bite-sized chicken

Itadakimasu-Something similar to "thank you for the meal." There's really no good English translation for me (imo)

Sanzu no Kawa-Literally "Three-World River." A river in Japanese Buddhism that the souls of the deceased pass to get to afterlife.