Disclaimer: Miss Saigon belongs to Claude-Michel Schonberg and Alain Boubilil.

Reversal of Regrets

by Storm Wolf77415

(April 28th, 1982)

Chris Scott was a man of many regrets. He had good reason to feel that way over the past five years. His life had pretty much disintegrated since that day in Bangkok. The day he lost her again. Kim, just saying the name cut him to the very bone. How a simple peasant girl forced into working at the Engineer's seedy bar could have captured his heart baffled his mind. Their courtship had been whirlwind to put it mildly. The fact the Viet Cong and North Vietnamese Army were barreling down on Saigon certainly didn't help matters.

"We've got time, stay and pack. We'll get plenty of word when the VC attack. I want you in that bed waiting when I get back." Those words, those three simple sentences had effectively cut the bonds between the two of them. Chris had returned to the Embassy, only for the gates to be closed behind him, not allowing any more Vietnamese through. Chris had been ready to scale the walls and go back for her, damn the consequences. It had taken his buddy John sticking a gun in his face to get him to relent as they evacuated to the roof.

As the Huey soared away, Chris has scanned the crowd, hoping to catch a glimpse of her in the unending sea of faces. He had slumped in defeat all the way back to the carrier. His feet felt like lead bricks as he exited the helicopter onto the deck. He didn't bother changing his clothes, crashing onto the bunk given to him out of a mix of despair and sheer fatigue.

He had become a recluse upon returning to his family's home in Missouri. Chris didn't speak to anyone for over a year after the Fall of Saigon. It took meeting Ellen to get him to open up to people again. Still, the memories of Saigon were firmly embedded in his mind, the memories of Kim remained so strongly. He couldn't bring himself to tell his wife about it, despite her wanting to know so badly.

It was three years after Saigon Chris got the news from John that shook his world to its very foundation. Kim was alive…and given birth to their child, a little boy named Tam. They had managed to make it to Bangkok with aid from their old acquaintance the Engineer. Chris was in a tailspin. He just didn't know what to do with this information. On the one hand, Chris was overjoyed to know Kim was alive. On the other hand, marrying Ellen had been a clean slate for him. How was he supposed to reconcile his past?

He and Ellen decided to give financial support to Kim and Tam, letting them stay in Bangkok. Chris forgot how strong willed Kim really was. She was going to ensure her son had a better future, and so willingly gave him up before going into the back room, and committing suicide with the gun he had given her so long ago. It was all he could do to hold her in his arms as Kim uttered her last words. "How in one night did we come so far?" She went limp and was gone.

With that, Chris Scott lost the woman of his heart for a second time. It had devastated him in Saigon in 75, and all but killed him in Bangkok in 78. He and Ellen brought Tam back home to the United States, but Chris was aloof to his son. Because all he could see in this boy was his mother. The woman who had been ripped away from him. Chris was slipping back into the dark place he had been in after Saigon.

It was a night like any other, go to the pub, get drunk and then stumble back to an empty house. Chris's feet dragged along the sidewalk, the alcohol dulled the pain but it didn't make it go away entirely. He stopped to look at his reflection in the window. His eyes were sunken in and dim. His hair streaked with gray. "Wow, you look like shit." He slurred. "This seems to be my lot in life, doesn't it? Every relationship destroyed, the women I love gone?"

Again his thoughts went back to Kim. "If you could only see me now." He could almost see her reflection in the mirror as well, wearing her wedding dress, the same thing she wore when she died. A sad smile on her face. "What a disgrace I've become. But I suppose it just proves that you were the one I truly loved. I became so cold to Tam, because I could only see you. Ellen left me, taking him with her. She said I was loving a ghost and unless I moved on she felt there was no place for her in my life."

Chris's hands curled into a fist as he slammed the wall, his face coming up filled with unshed tears. "I suppose it was inevitable. I can't keep living this way. So I'm coming to see you soon." He imagined her reflection looking horrified. He could almost hear her voice, pleading him not to do it. But Chris had made up his mind.

His life meant nothing anymore whether it was Ellen or Kim, so he'd follow his beloved into the darkness. That way at least they could finally be together without the cruelty of real life getting in the way. Chris watched the traffic hurtling by him. He waited until he saw an incoming semi, his ticket to the next life. Chris took a deep breath, stepping in front. All he heard and saw was a blaring horn and a wall of blinding light. From there came darkness.

(April 28th, 1975)

Now Chris wasn't sure what to expect from the afterlife, but a ramshackle apartment certainly wasn't it. He sat up in bed suddenly, waking to the sound of rushing water coming from the bathroom. Finding himself madly looking around the rundown room. The rusty bed frame, the battered nightstand with a chipped lamp and tattered shade. The place felt eerily familiar, and then his gaze fell on a wall calendar, "No." He breathed in disbelief at the date which read April 28th, 1975. The room was familiar, in fact he knew exactly where he was.

"No, no, no. It can't be! I couldn't have ended up back here!" Chris went to the door and threw it open. He went out on the balcony and got his definitive, conclusive, answer. He looked up at the skyline looming up before him. His eyes widening in a mix of denial and outright terror, his jaw hung open as a single word slipped out of his mouth. "Saigon." It was all just as he remembered it. "It's April 28th, 1975, and I'm back in fucking Saigon!"

Chris went back inside. After quickly putting his uniform on he started madly pacing trying to keep his hysteria at bay. "Okay, breathe! Use your head, don't lose it. The city's going to fall in the next couple of days, and Washington's not going to do a single thing to stop it." He then noticed a scrap of paper on the nightstand. Chris picked it up, and examined it, confusion and shock across his face.

"Monsieur Chris?" He froze again, and his heart nearly exploded out of his chest at the sound of that voice. Quickly jamming the paper into one of his pockets, Chris slowly turned around to see…her standing there. A young Vietnamese woman of seventeen wrapped in naught but a bathtowel. Black hair hung down her past her shoulders, still wet from the shower. Brown eyes holding worry for him. "Are you okay?"

"Kim." Chris breathed. This was it, the final proof he had come back in time. She was here, Kim was here, and she was alive. He recalled what was written on the page in his pocket. and a new feeling coursed in his gut, hope. Maybe, just maybe he had a chance to fix this biggest regret of his. He just had to play it carefully. His expression became stern. "Get dressed as quickly as you can. We're leaving as soon as possible."

"W-where are we going?" Kim asked.

Chris put a hand on her shoulder. "Back to the embassy. You'll be safe there. Especially what's going to happen in the next couple of days." Chris was becoming more certain now. This really was a chance to right the biggest wrong of his life. He could bring Kim back home, they could raise Tam together. He would be a good father this time. "Just consider yourself an honored guest of the United States Government."

Kim herself looked excited at the prospect. "Really? Stay at the embassy?" But then she became worried. "Will they allow it?"

"I'll take care of it." Was all Chris said. He knew exactly who to pay off to get what he needed. Money talked in Saigon and someone was always looking to make something on the side. He knew that a little cash in the palm of one of the attaches could get him a visa and other papers for Kim easy. He then looked her up and down. "In fact, how about I get you a new dress? Consider it a fresh start."

"I'd love that!" Kim exclaimed, her smile just as Chris remembered it, so vibrant and full of life. She hurriedly put on the simple clothes she had worn when first coming to the bar the prior night. The two of them left the apartment and found a nice clothing boutique. Kim came out in a lovely frock, colored a brilliant ivory color with light pink pants underneath. "How do I look?" She asked, spinning once.

"Beautiful." Chris replied, falling in love with her all over again. He was resolved to save her and get her away from the hell Saigon was about to become. They made their way to the embassy with hurried steps. He noticed how tense the atmosphere around the embassy was, the marines at the front gate looked uneasy, given how they held their rifles. His grip tightened a little on Kim's hand. "It's all right guys, she's with me." Chris said quickly to assure his fellow marines. They relaxed, but just a little and waved them both through.

Kim was in awe at the sight of the embassy, noticing how the staff were running around. But Chris knew better, they were packing up everything before the evacuation. He waved down a female attache. "Molly, take her up to the guest quarters and get her situation." He turned to Kim. "Listen, I have to check in with my CO. This is Molly, she'll look after you for a while. Don't leave embassy grounds until then." She nodded happily and followed after the attache.

Chris meanwhile went to the operation center where he knew John would be. It was about what he expected. John was a tall beefy African-American man, smoking a half-burned out cigarette, talking to a couple of the ambassador's aides. He looked up with a perverted leer. "Oh, there you are, kept busy last night?"

"John, I know about the VC and the NVA. I know that Saigon is doomed." Christ went straight for the jugular, not wanting to deal with any nonsense. John's eyes widened in utter shock. Chris voice dropped low as he leaned in so only his friend could hear. "Everyone's preparing to evacuate. They'll be here tomorrow. That girl you bought for me last night? Kim? She's here at the embassy and I'm putting her in one of the guest rooms upstairs. I want you to start drawing up emigration papers for her right now." He slipped a pair of fifty dollar bills into John's hand. "Make it happen."

John wasn't sure what to make of his friend. Given Chris was usually so soft-spoken and mild. This intensity was something he hadn't seen before. He just gave the money back to Chris. "Keep it, I'm more curious about the fact you know it's even coming, because I only found out about it just as you walked in."

Chris didn't flinch. "We get out of the country alive and in one piece I will tell you everything, and even then I'm pretty sure you'd have me committed. I'm not sure I believe it myself. Kim's immigration papers? I'm asking you as a friend to help me out. If not I know which arms to twist to get it." He wasn't backing down, this was not just Kim's future, but his own he was fighting for. Luck was on his side today.

John just inhaled more of his cigarette, and laughed heartily. "Well, someone found their balls. It's a nice change for once. All right, I'll draw them up myself, and you'll have it all by lunch. But you will owe me for this."

"Of course." Whatever issues Chris had with him, John was his friend and knew he was trustworthy. That matter resolved, Chris went back to Kim. He just wanted to spend time with her and relish every second he could. A happy squeal came from the guest room she had been provided. He could tell she was having a good time. He opened the door, finding Kim splayed out on the bed. "I see you're enjoying the bed?"

"How can I not?" She giggled. "This is palatial! I feel like I'm staying at a high level hotel! It's far beyond anything I ever had at home." Kim sat up, looking joyful. "Again, than you so much. You've given me such hope!" Chris came over and pulled Kim to her feet, taking in the sight of her lovely eyes, shining with her love for him.

"I think I can make it even better for you. We don't have a lot of time, so I don't want there to be any regrets. Let's make it official. The chaplin is here so it won't be an issue for us to be married tomorrow." Tears formed in Kim's eyes as Chris knelt before her. "Because I do want to spend the rest of my life with you." Kim cried softly as Chris stood up, taking her in his arms, gently stroking her back.

(April 29th, 1975)

The ceremony was quick and to the point, they couldn't do any more on short notice. But it did give the embassy staff a moment to breathe and not think about how Saigon was crumbling around them. Kim stood radiant in her wedding dress. Chris was wearing his duty uniform, and he shaved and tried to make himself look somewhat presentable for this. John stood at his side as Best Man while Molly was Kim's maid of honor. The chaplain looked at the young couple with pride.

He cleared his throat, beginning to speak. "Despite whatever may be happening outside the walls of this building, moments like this are always worth living for. We're here today to join these two, Chris and Kim, in holy matrimony." The happy couple beamed at his words. "Do you, Kim, take Chris to be your lawfully wedded husband, in sickness and in health, till death do you part?"

"I do." Kim proudly declared, eyes misty with unshed tears.

The chaplain then turned to Chris. "Do you, Chris, take Kim to be your lawfully wedded wife, in sickness and in healthy, till death do you part?" Chris let himself get lost in his bride's eyes, recalling the future's past, and the last time he looked into them, watching the life fade away while he could do nothing. But now the tide had turned. He would get her out safe.

"Absolutely." Chris said, moments away from wanting nothing more than to taste Kim's lips. The happy smile she gave him was just as good. The chaplain nodded.

"Then the power vested in me by God and those in attendance here, I hereby pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss your bride." Not that either of them needed any prompting in that regard. Chris relished the feel of Kim's lips against his, threading his fingers through her hair while Kim herself reveled in the warm feeling of being in the arms of the man she loved, feeling the musculature through his uniform coat.

The about dozen or so staffers all clapped and cheered. But then everyone got serious. The evacuation was tomorrow and everything vital had to be cleaned out before their guests showed up.

(April 30th, 1975)

The fated day had come. Everything was just as Chris remembered it, looking down at the crowd of panicking Vietnamese outside the gates, struggling to get inside. He felt for every single one of them, knowing they would be left behind. But his empathy only went so far, being the one Vietnamese he cared about was standing right next to him. Kim looked down at her countrymen, a sad expression on her face. He put his arm around his wife's waist, knowing she would be in that throng if he hadn't acted when he did.

Kim had on a surplus t-shirt and fatigue pants. It actually looked quite good on her. Her small traveling case at her feet. The ambassador had been quite generous. Not only had he gotten Kim's emigration papers squared away, but the Scotts were going to be on the first helo out. "I can't imagine what would have happened if you hadn't told me to come to the embassy with you." She whispered. he gave her a little kiss on the cheek.

"Oh trust me, it's probably better than way." Chris said, knowing exactly what would have happened, and it wouldn't have stopped in Saigon. His heart wrenched in that moment, watching as the fated order came through. He couldn't hear the guard with the bullhorn but he knew exactly what he had just said, watching as the Marines pulled the heavy steel gates closed, sealing the fate of everyone involved.

He saw John coming down the hall. His face grim. "Hey lovebirds! Your limo's here!" He jerked a thumb. Chris nodded in gratitude to his friend. So he and Kim quickly departed for the rooftop helipad. A pair of UH-1 Hueys waited for them. Chris wasted little time ushering Kim into the helicopter, making sure she was buckled up securely. The helo lifted off and thus Saigon and the land of Vietnam was left behind.

It was surreal to Kim, she had so little hope just a couple of days ago and now she was being whisked away to the far-off land known as the United States. A place where she could start her life anew. It pained her to watch as her homeland burned beneath her, but she had no control over that. She was starting to get drowsy as the helicopter reached the ocean. Kim leaned in onto her husband's shoulder and promptly nodded off. Chris lovingly stroked his wife's cheek, taking in her lovely smile.

All the guys gave amused chortles at the couple. "Honestly, can you two be any more lovey-dovey?" John remarked.

"Oh come now Sergeant, this is a lovely thing." The ambassador was quick to admonish him. He gave a slight nod to Chris. "You've come away with something truly special, son. Take care of her, because she is something for you to treasure the rest of your days."

"Thank you, sir. I'll definitely keep that in mind." Chris's hand instinctively went to Kim's stomach, knowing what was fast growing inside. "She is certainly a treasure to me." The mood inside the Huey was upbeat, despite the fall of the city. It carried the Scotts away from the doomed land, and Chris himself felt vindicated, not about to let anyone or anything tear Kim from his embrace. He decided a nap was in order as well, falling asleep with his beloved.

(May 1st, 1975)

Chris stood on the deck of the USS Blue Ridge, watching as the sun rose. Command ship of Task Force 76. The helicopter had arrived late the previous night. He had carried a still sleeping Kim aboard, eliciting laughter from the ship's crew. She was now tucked away in one of the staterooms, Kim had earned her rest. All Chris wanted now was to have some time to himself. The only sound was that of the waves breaking against the ship's hull, as he looked out at the rising sun.

"Ahem!" He turned to see John standing there, looking at him expectedly. "I held up my end of the bargain. I got your girl her papers and we're safe and away from Vietnam." He walked up to his friend, eyes intense. "It's time for you to pay the piper, and tell me how you knew Saigon was going to fall." Chris wasn't afraid in that moment, he had done what was needed to save her. If he could trust anyone with this secret it was John.

"I'll tell you, but I'm pretty sure you'dchuck me into a padded room anyway. I knew Saigon was going to fall because I had lived through it once already." He gave John his own intense stare. "I'm a time traveller from seven years in the future, where my life went into the shitter and I had nothing left to live for so I committed suicide by truck. Only to find myself in a place I never thought I'd be again, with a chance to save the woman I love. There's your explanation. You going to lock me up in the nuthouse now?"

John looked at him with apt confusion. Chris just kept his head high, his resolve never stronger in that moment. John took a couple minutes before he started laughing. "Nah, the padded room might be a bit much, still want to hook you up with a shrink, but that story's too crazy not to be real. Certainly explains why you were so adamant about getting Kim her papers." His expression turned somber. "The whole suicide by truck thing does bring down the mood a bit. You said your life went into the shitter, how bad was it?"

"Total, and it all started right here. The first dumbest decision of my life was I didn't bring Kim straight to the embassy the first go around. I told her to stay and pack, that we had time. But we didn't John. I was caught on the grounds when the gates were closed. I was scaling the walls, trying to get to her. It took you drawing your gun on me to get me to relent. I had to leave her behind. When the helos pulled out, I was looking for her in that sea of faces." Chris swallowed hard. "I lost her for the first time that day, John."

John said nothing, just letting his friend unload everything. "It only got worse from there. We came back to the States, and I was a broken man. I was a recluse for a year, didn't speak to anyone. Just existing as all I could think about was Kim. That all changed when I met a woman named Ellen. She managed to get through to me. We got married, and she helped me put the pieces of my life back together. But at the same time, there was this forever gulf between us. I never told her about what happened during my time in the war, certainly never mentioned Kim because it was just too painful to recount."

"So what happened to her?" John asked, offering Chris a cigarette. He lit up and blew some smoke.

"She managed to survive, hid herself in the slums for three years, all the while guarding a secret only she knew about." Chris gave John a somber look. "She was pregnant with our child, a little boy named Tam. Kim raised him on her own for those three years we were separated. The two escaped Vietnam with the Engineer of all people." John snorted, recalling the sleazy bar owner, so desperate to get a visa into the U.S. "They made it to Bangkok, and here's the really funny thing. You were the one who found them!"

John was floored by this news, but Chris continued, blowing some more smoke. "After the war, you became a social worker for the Bui-Doi Foundation, helping veterans connect with their Vietnamese children. A very noble endeavor if you ask me. Kim had applied for US citizenship, that's how you discovered she was alive, and with our son." Chris idly tapped his boot on the metal deck. "I won't lie, John, happy as it was to know Kim was okay, it also brought a lot of other issues. I had accepted that I had to move on with my life, Ellen and I worked hard to bring some sense of stability to our marriage over those two years and this threatened to uproot all of that!"

"You, Ellen, and myself went to Bangkok to see them. We set up a meeting for the two of us to talk, but Kim was never the most patient person. She went straight to the hotel to find me…and ran square into Ellen instead. Kim was devastated. After Ellen and I talked about it, we agreed the best thing to do was for Kim and Tam to remain Bangkok and we'd send them financial aid. You thought it was a terrible idea. But I was doing what I thought was best for everyone involved."

The pain started welling up again, the events of that day in Bangkok in 1978 in vivid detail. "I made the second dumbest decision of my life. Kim had been through so much herself, and she wasn't going to let anyone decide things for our child. Kim let me meet Tam, and then she went into a backroom and shot herself with my gun. The one I gave her three years before." Chris's voice cracked. "She died in my arms, John! I lost her for the second time, and for good.! He crumpled to his knees, bawling.

John said nothing, just patting his friend on the shoulder. "I'm sorry man. I can't imagine how much that cuts to the bone, but if I may offer a counterpoint. None of that's happened now. Kim's alive, you saved her and now you can have your little family."

"I know, I know." Chris regained his composure. "But that was the beginning of the end for me. Ellen and I brought Tam back home, but I was aloof to him, cold. All I could see when I looked at him was his mother. Started spending a lot of time out late, cruising bars and getting drunk off my ass. It got so bad Ellen left me, taking Tam with her. All I had was a crummy note that said she didn't feel safe in the house, and that I was in love with a ghost. Unless I was willing to let those feelings go, then there was no place for either of them in my life. So I was truly alone now."

"Right into the shitter and into the path of that truck." It all finally clicked for John. He shook his head. "You weren't planning on coming back in time were you?"

"No, I didn't even think such a thing was possible, but someone gave me the chance to fix my past mistakes." Chris reached into his pocket, pulling out the sheet of paper from the nightstand. "I found that just after I woke up a couple days ago." He held it out for John, who snatched it away to read it, his eyes widened in utter disbelief. The message was in Vietnamese, which they both could understand.

"What am I going to do with you? Here's your second chance. Don't fuck it up, you're welcome." John looked to Chris. Neither of them said anything for a couple seconds. The note had no signature at the bottom, so there was no indication of who could have sent it. John cleared his throat again. "Listen man, I'm willing to believe you about the whole time travel thing. But I think it's better than it remains between you and I. No one else needs to know about this."

Chris smirked, taking his cigarette, lighting the paper ablaze and chucking it into the ocean. "I couldn't agree more, buddy. This is something we'll take to both of our graves. I won't say anything if you won't. Like you said, that future doesn't exist now. It can remain in my memories. I just want to live my life with Kim and Tam. I'll be a better man for it, and won't make the same mistakes again."

John said nothing and the two men looked back out to the ocean, secure than the future was brighter and that Christopher Scott had reverse the biggest regrets of his life.