Chapter 18: I Saw You Die
I couldn't tear my gaze away; my whole body felt frozen, useless. Thalia's eyes found mine, dazed and filled with a fear I had never seen in her before. Panic flickered across her face, a desperate plea that she couldn't voice, couldn't act on. I saw her body flinch weakly as Phobos raised his scythe high above her, the gleaming black blade catching the dim light.
I screamed, but no sound came out. It was as though the world had swallowed my voice, just as it had swallowed Thalia's life. Her eyes widened in shock as Phobos's scythe pierced her chest, and then… they went blank. Empty. The fire that had always burned so fiercely inside her was gone in an instant, snuffed out like a candle in the dark.
Shock. I stared at Thalia's motionless, broken body trying to process what just happened. Shudders coursed up and down my body as if I were a perfect conduit of electricity. A new, heart-wrenching fear began creeping into my mind. But this fear was unlike what I had been experiencing while fighting Phobos. It wasn't the primal terror of dying, or the panic of experiencing chaos. No, this was worse. This fear was quiet, cold, and hopeless. A fear that reached deep into my soul and hollowed me out from the inside.
It was the fear of living in a world without Thalia Grace.
A world without her sharp wit, her unshakable courage, her stubborn resolve. Without her standing beside me, pushing me, challenging me. It felt unbearable. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't move. The weight of it pinned me to the ground, suffocating me. The thought that she was gone—truly gone—sent a wave of despair crashing over me, drowning out everything else.
In the past few days, Thalia had shown me what it truly meant to love someone. Her feelings weren't just fleeting or uncertain—they were deep, steadfast, and selfless. She had sacrificed more than I could have ever imagined. She had faced impossible choices, torn between her loyalty to Artemis and her growing feelings for me, and yet, through it all, she had stayed. She had risked everything—her status, her family, even her life—knowing that once I found Annabeth, I might choose her again. But Thalia never wavered. She fought beside me, stood by my side, even when her own heart was at stake
I realized then—too late—that she had done it all out of love. Maybe she knew that rescuing Annabeth would make me happy, and that's all she wanted. Maybe Thalia loved me so much that she was willing to give up everything—even her own chance at happiness—just to see me safe. To see me whole. She had risked her life for me time and time again. She had trusted me, even when I didn't deserve it. Even when she knew I was conflicted, torn between her and Annabeth. She had been more understanding than I had given her credit for.
Thalia had given everything for me. Even her life.
The realization hit me like a sledgehammer. I loved her. I loved her, and I hadn't even realized it until now. She had been right in front of me, loving me with everything she had, and I had been too blind to see it. Too focused on the past, on my lingering feelings for Annabeth, to understand what was happening between us. And now it was too late.
Tears welled up in my eyes, blurring my vision as I stared at her motionless body. The fear that Phobos had inflicted on me before was nothing compared to this. This was true fear—the fear of loss, of knowing that I'd never get to tell her how I really felt. That I'd never get to hold her, or laugh with her, or fight by her side again. The fear that I'd lost the one person who had given me more than anyone else ever could.
She had loved me. And I had never told her I loved her back.
I wanted to scream, to tear the world apart, to bring her back somehow. But there was nothing I could do. The silence of the tunnel pressed down on me, the whispers mocking me, laughing at my failure. I had failed her. I had let her down in the worst way possible, and now she was gone. Forever.
The tears fell freely now, hot and fast, burning trails down my cheeks as I laid there, sobbing uncontrollably, staring at the girl I hadn't realized I loved until it was too late. The weight of my grief, my regret, crushed me, pressing down with an unbearable force. How had I been so blind? How could I not have seen it before? I gasped for breath between sobs, my chest heaving, every tear a testament to the love I had never voiced, the love I had been too afraid to confront.
I loved her. I loved her. And I had lost her.
I didn't care that Phobos had shifted his attention from Thalia and was slowly walking toward me. The sound of his scythe scraping against the concrete echoed in the tunnel, a grinding, awful noise that should've made my blood run cold—but I was beyond that. Beyond fear. I hadn't moved since Phobos knocked me down, and even if I wanted to, I couldn't. There was no fight left in me. I felt like I had lost everything. Thalia was gone. What was the point anymore?
Phobos stood over me now, towering like a dark shadow. I could see the foot of his tattered robes, the edge of his scythe blade gleaming cruelly only inches from my face. But I didn't flinch. I didn't care.
He bent down, lowering himself to my level like a father kneeling before a child about to deliver a lesson. His black eyes locked onto me, and for a moment, I felt his sickening satisfaction, his amusement at my despair. But I couldn't even muster the energy to feel anger. All I could do was sit there, broken and lost.
"Fear is an amazing thing, Percy," Phobos began, his deep, dark voice cutting through the tunnel, overpowering my quiet, broken sobs. He paused, not with menace, but as though he was giving me space to process. It was strange—he wasn't mocking me. His soulless eyes, though cold, held something close to understanding, as though he truly believed I needed to hear this. He wasn't just toying with me; he was trying to make me see.
Why was he lecturing me instead of finishing me off? Why did he even care?
As he spoke, my sobs gradually quieted, my breath coming in ragged, shallow gasps. I couldn't summon the strength to lift Riptide. It lay forgotten beside me. All I could do was listen, the sound of his voice filling the oppressive silence.
"Many despise me," Phobos continued, his tone shifting into something almost contemplative. "Mortals, gods, it doesn't matter—they all fear what I am, what I represent. They see fear as something to run from, something that makes them weak. They live their lives believing they'd be better off without it, pretending they're stronger than it."
His words circled me like a tightening noose, but there was something in the way he spoke that made me pause. This wasn't just cruelty for cruelty's sake. Phobos wasn't gloating—he was offering something. His words were heavy with purpose.
"They fail to understand what life would be without fear," Phobos said, his voice growing more deliberate, more sincere. "They fail to grasp its importance. Mortals, even gods, despise fear, yet it's the very thing that sustains them. Keeps them alive. Without fear, Percy, there is chaos. It's what makes you cautious, makes you smart in the face of danger. Fear is what has kept you alive.
"You may despise me like most do," he said, not unkindly, "but you don't understand. Without me, you wouldn't have survived half the battles you've fought. Without fear, you wouldn't have lasted a day as a demigod. Every step you've taken has been shaped by it.
"I am as necessary as the rising sun," Phobos continued, his tone calm, steady. "As essential as the air in your lungs.. Remember that Percy. But more importantly, remember that perhaps above all, fear helps us know what we hold most precious to us.
"One day, you'll understand. Fear isn't something to be conquered—it's something to be embraced. Without fear, you wouldn't know what you care about most," Phobos whispered, stepping back with cruel satisfaction. "Fear told you, Percy... what your heart couldn't."
Phobos paused, his towering form still and menacing as he looked down at me. His eyes gleamed with dark amusement. "Fear isn't just about the monsters you face, Percy. It's about the moments like this—when you truly realize what you could lose."
He straightened up, letting his words sink in. "This fear will stay with you. It will shape you in ways you can't yet understand. And perhaps one day, you'll thank me for it."
I stared up at him, my heart pounding, but I couldn't move. His words settled over me, twisting like vines, tightening.
His black eyes glinted one last time before he turned, his form melting into the shadows, dissolving into the very darkness he had created.
"Reflect on this, Percy Jackson," his voice echoed as he disappeared completely, "fear reveals truth. You've already seen yours."
I laid there, too stunned and hurt to move. Although Phobos and his relentless grip of fear had vanished, I was still suffering from its aftermath. Waves of anxiety and dread crashed over me as the traumatic events replayed in my mind, each one more suffocating than the last. I couldn't shake the image of Thalia—her eyes wide in shock, the light draining from them as Phobos struck her down.
I knew I was free to leave. Phobos was gone, and with him, the only thing keeping us trapped down here. But even knowing that, I couldn't summon the will to move. I just lay there, broken. If Phobos had wanted to kill me, he could have done it with ease, but instead, he'd left me to drown in my own despair. And somehow, that felt worse.
My body refused to respond, but my mind... it wouldn't stop. It was racing, dragging me through every memory I had with Thalia, each one more painful than the last. the night under Thalia's pine, when we'd talked for what felt like hours. She'd opened up to me about the weight she carried, the loss she felt, and I had listened, realizing how deeply I cared for her. And the kiss we shared in the woods, that single spark that ignited something deeper between us—something I hadn't fully understood until now. And that hug... when she thought I had died after our encounter with Chimera. She had held me like I was the most important thing in the world.
The silence in the sewer was deafening now. No more whispers, no more haunting presence. Just me, lying there, broken. My breath came in shallow gasps, shaky and uneven, the only sound piercing the dead air. I kept repeating the same thought, over and over, like a mantra: This is just a dream. It has to be a dream. None of this is real.
Just then, I heard a footstep echo down the dim tunnel. Every hair on my body stood on end. No, not again. I couldn't take any more. I wouldn't be able to defend myself or even move. I was still completely helpless.
Another footstep, then another. It was definitely getting closer. My heart pounded in my chest, but something was different this time. The terror that had gripped me earlier wasn't there. The oppressive presence of fear, the heavy weight of Phobos, wasn't lingering in the air anymore. I focused on the sound—lighter steps, almost hesitant. Whoever it was, they were moving slowly, maybe injured.
Annabeth! My heart leapt, a flicker of hope breaking through the suffocating grief. It took everything I had, but I rolled over and forced myself to sit up. My mind raced, grief clouding my thoughts. I hadn't even been able to think about Annabeth while fighting Phobos—was she okay? What had she been going through this entire time? If Thalia and I had been fighting him, where had she been? Was it really her now, walking toward me?
"Annabeth?" I croaked, my voice barely more than a whisper. The footsteps quickened. As the shadow grew closer, I could make out the figure—definitely feminine. But something was off. Her hair... it didn't have the familiar golden hue I expected. It stayed dark, and it went just to her shoulders.
I blinked, barely able to process what I was seeing.
Thalia.
My mind struggled to grasp the impossibility of it, but there she was, stepping into the dim light, her face pale but very much alive. She hurried toward me, unsteady but determined, and before I could say anything, she dropped to her knees and wrapped me in an embrace so tight, it took my breath away. The force of her hug knocked me backward, and we tumbled to the ground together, her arms still locked around me like she never wanted to let go.
I held her as tightly as I could, still trembling from everything that had just happened, my mind spinning. For a moment, neither of us moved. We just lay there, wrapped up in each other, and in that moment, it was the only thing that mattered. When she finally pulled back, her electric blue eyes locked with mine, and I could see the shock and exhaustion written in her face. But she was alive. Alive.
"Thalia…" I whispered, the word barely leaving my lips. I couldn't believe it.
"I'm here," she replied, her voice cracked and raw but steady. Her hand was still gripping my shirt, as if she was afraid to let go.
"I don't... I don't understand." My voice broke as I stared at her, my mind reeling. I continued to hold onto her, my hands trembling as they brushed against her arm, her shoulders—anything to prove to myself that she was real. But my heart was still racing, refusing to believe it.
I turned, looking back at the spot where I had seen her die. The memory was so vivid—Phobos, his scythe crashing down, the sickening sound of impact. My stomach twisted as I looked closer. There was no blood, no body, no shattered concrete. I blinked, my eyes darting around, desperate for something that made sense. I expected to see the concrete destroyed and cracked from where Phobos had impaled his scythe, but the walls were pristine, untouched. The floor was dry, unmarked. It was like nothing had happened at all.
It was an illusion. All of it.
My breath hitched as the truth crashed down on me. Phobos had made me believe the worst, made me think I had lost her. And I believed it. Gods, I had believed it.
I swallowed hard, my chest tight, the words I'd kept locked away for so long pushing their way to the surface. There was no more running, no more hiding. After everything I'd just seen, after thinking she was gone, I couldn't hold back anymore.
"I thought I lost you," I admitted, my voice shaking with the weight of everything I felt. "I saw you die, Thalia. I—" I broke off, my throat tight, but I forced myself to keep going. "I can't—I can't go through that again. I can't lose you."
Her brow furrowed, concern flickering in her eyes. "Percy, it was an illusion. I'm right here."
"I know," I said slowly, my voice barely steady, my hands still gripping her shoulders like she might vanish if I loosened my hold. "But... when I saw it—when I thought you were gone—it wrecked me. It was like everything inside me just shattered." My breath came in uneven bursts as the words tumbled out. "That's when I realized... I love you, Thalia. I've been running from it, but I can't. Not anymore. I love you, Thalia."
I'd put everything on the line. My heart, my hopes, all of it laid bare in front of her. There was no going back now. After everything we'd been through—after seeing her die, or thinking I had—I couldn't hide how I felt anymore. I needed her to know, needed her to feel the same. But as the silence stretched between us, uncertainty gnawed at me. What if she didn't feel the same way? Or if her doubts were too strong?
Thalia's eyes met mine, and for a moment, they were unreadable, a storm of emotions swirling beneath their electric blue depths. I couldn't tell if she was about to run, push me away, or pull me closer. Her lips parted, and my heart raced, hoping—begging—for the words I needed to hear.
"I…" she began, her voice soft, almost too quiet. But then she stopped, glancing away for just a second, as if she was deep in thought, not here in the present but reliving something… something important. "I saw something too, Percy."
This chapter took everything out of me to write—emotionally, it's one of the heaviest so far. Percy's grief and fear were meant to mirror the absolute depths of despair that love can bring when paired with loss, even if that loss isn't real. What did you think of the way Phobos manipulated Percy? Do you believe fear truly reveals what we hold most dear, as Phobos said? And let's talk about Percy's confession to Thalia—did it feel earned after everything they've been through? And what did Thalia see? I'd love to hear your thoughts. Don't forget to review, follow, and favorite! Your feedback helps this story grow.