Allison sat down in her first college class and looked around the room. The last time she had been enrolled in an in person class she had been 9 months pregnant. Her daughter was now 3 months old and happily with auntie Megan for the couple hours Allison was at school.
"I'm Matt," a boy said sitting beside her.
"Allie," she introduced herself.
"What are you studying," Matt asked.
"Undecided," Allison replied, "you?"
"English and history," Matt said, "I want to teach so I need this and teacher's math."
"I've thought of teaching," Allison said, "but the extra year is a lot."
"Freshman," Matt asked.
"Yes," Allison said, "you?"
He replied, " Sophomore but I just transferred from UCLA."
"My brothers a sophomore at UCLA," Allison said.
"What's his name," Matt asked.
"Leo Altman-Hunt," Allison replied.
"Must not have crossed paths," Matt said.
"So UW," Allison asked.
"My sister needs me home," Matt said, "she's on her own with 3 kids, her husband is deployed so I help out where I can and our parents have passed."
"That's a lot to manage. It's nice of you to help her," Allison said, "how old are your nieces and nephews?"
"4,2 and 3 months," Matt said.
"All fun ages," Allison said, "my nieces and nephews are 14,10,8 and 5. My sister is a lot older."
"Are you close," Matt asked.
"We are," Allison smiled, "Annie can be my second mom sometimes, we're 25 years apart."
"That is a massive gap," Matt said.
"She's pretty cool most of the time," Allison said.
"What did you do this summer," Matt asked.
"A lot of family time," Allison said, "I had my daughter at the end of May so I stayed home with Everly."
"Daughter," Matt said, this was a curve ball he was going to ask her for coffee after class. She was cute with her strawberry blonde hair and green eyes.
"She's three months," Allison said.
"You deferred a year," Matt guessed.
"No," Allison said, "I graduated in June and am here now."
"Where is she," Matt asked.
"She's with my aunt now for a couple hours then her dad tonight when I come back for a three hour class," Allison explained.
"Her dad," Matt asked.
"Asher and I are together," Allison said.
Matt's face fell, "you've been together a while then?"
"We have," Allison said, "do you have someone?"
"We broke up when I transferred," Matt said.
"I'm sorry," Allison replied, "that sucks."
"Your daughter," Matt asked.
"Everly," Allison smiled, "she's a snuggly one which is great. My dad is her favorite person. She's a grandpa's girl for sure."
"My nephew is the same age he's just starting to seem like a person," Matt said.
"Everly has a personality," Allison assured.
Throughout the class Matt kept flirting with her even though he knew she had a boyfriend and a child. After class she walked back to her car and drove to Megan's
"How was class," Megan answered the door.
"Good," Allison said, "but this guy was flirting with me."
"You told him you have a boyfriend right," Megan said.
"I did and about Everly," Allison said, "it felt weird."
"It would," Megan agreed, "have you had lunch?"
"Not yet," Allison said, "How was Ev?"
"An angel," Megan said, "she's asleep now. I tried to keep her close to her schedule so she's in the pack and play."
"I didn't bring one," Allison said.
"I picked one up," Megan said, "she's here once a week I need to know she's got a safe spot to nap."
"Thank you," Allison smiled.
"She should sleep a bit longer," Megan said, "she went down later than you told me. We were playing and she was happy. She had her bottle before she fell asleep. She fought me for it."
"She does that," Allison agreed, "she won't do it with me and will only happily take it from asher."
"You went out with friends the other night," Megan said.
"We did," Allison smiled, "she came with us. Ash had to feed her at the bonfire and I had to walk away."
"She wants you," Megan said.
"I've been with her all the time," Allison said, "it's kinda nice to drive to school and have that time on my own. Just to turn my music up and sing along. But once class was over I just wanted to get back to her."
"I remember that when Catrina was a baby," Megan said, "if you want to leave her with me longer on Tuesday's to have some time I'm happy to."
"I was hoping to work for a few hours a couple times a week," Allison said.
"If you want to leave her with me you can. Or take a couple hours after class to study. I'm happy to have her," Megan offered, "that way you can focus or meet with a group for a project."
"I'm trying to make it all work," Allison said, "just being away from her for school is a lot for her. And it looks like Dr Linchon wants to do surgery on her left foot."
"She's young," Megan said, "another couple months yet."
"It's expensive," Allison said, "he wants her to be about 6 months so closer to Christmas. I need to work."
"I'm taking over as chief," Megan said, "you have some insurance for her?"
"Through Asher's work," Allison said, "they'll only cover a portion. I'm on moms and dads and am eligible for more through school that I can get her on."
"Do that," Megan said, "then whatever your insurance doesn't cover I will work out through the hospital."
"We'll figure it out," Allison said.
"Allie I'm offering and I know your parents will want to help," Megan said, "do his know?"
"They know that it's probably cerebral palsy," Allison said, "I just don't know how to help her."
"When will they know for sure," Megan asked.
"Jenna wants to do an MRI next week," Allison said.
"Jenna," Megan teased.
"My big sister's best friend and she's family," Allison said.
"They are," Megan agreed.
"They have to put her under general," Allison complained.
"I know and it's scary," Megan said, "but we'll have our best with her because she's your baby. Allie it'll be okay. I know it's hard and she's your baby."
Everly had heard Allison's voice and began to fuss.
"I'll get her," Allison said.
"I know you will," Megan smiled.
"Hi princess," Allison said, picking up the baby. Everly instantly settled in Allison's arms.
Megan smiled at them, "you missed your mom didn't you."
"She did," Allison, "how was your morning with auntie Meg?"
"She was good," Megan assured.
"What did you do," Allison asked her baby.
Megan answered, "we read a story and swung on the swing in the back yard with me, then we played on the blanket with her monkey."
"She likes the monkey," Allison smiled.
"She's a happy girl," Megan said.
"I hope so," Allison said, "have you seen what's happening with her legs before?"
"I have," Megan said, "20 years ago. I operated. I did a few in residency how many years ago. I almost did ortho."
"Will it be okay," Allison asked.
"It'll be a lot of physio and possibly OT but she's going to be okay," Megan said, "it won't be easy but it's going to be a lot for you. You'll be the one working on the exercises with her."
"Will she walk," Allison asked.
"Probably," Megan said, "if you do the physio with her."
"Ride a bike," Allison asked.
"Maybe with adaptations or a special bike," Megan said, "she will have a very happy full life. Allison right now just enjoy her."
"Are you hungry princess," Allison asked, seeing the way Everly was moving.
"Do you want to feed her before we have lunch," Megan asked.
"I do," Allison said.
"Turkey or ham," Megan asked.
"Turkey," Allison replied.
"Sandwiches and I have carrot and sweet potato soup," Megan said.
"Your home made one," Allison asked.
"Yes," Megan answered.
"Lunch then we have some errands before I take her home," Allison said.
"What errands," Megan asked.
"Diapers," Allison said, "some school supplies I didn't get to on the weekend."
"Are you okay Allie." Megan asked.
"I feel like I'm always tired but mom thinks it's a combination of a few things," Allison said.
"What is Teddy thinking," Megan asked.
"Thyroid isn't as balanced as it could be, anemic and new baby," Allison said.
"And your working on that," Megan checked.
"They changed my dose of synthroid and my iron supplement. Mom's still making me take the prenatal vitamins," Allison said.
"You should Everly is still reliant on you for all of her nutrition," Megan said, 'and it keeps you healthy as well."
"We've talked about supplementing with formula when she's not with me," Allison said, "easier."
"What do you want," Megan asked.
"I'm fine with this for now," Allison said, "I can almost wear last fall's jeans."
"Wear what you feel good in," Megan encouraged.
"I want to look like the other girls," Allison said.
"You do," Megan assured, "is this about Asher?"
"I guess," Allison shrugged.
"He loves you, we can all see it," Megan assured.
"I still don't feel like me," Allison said.
"You two started dating when you were pregnant," Megan said, "he knows what your last year has been because he's done every step of it with you. I can tell there's something on your mind that you don't know who to talk to. I'm here to listen and to talk if you want to."
"I don't have anyone to talk to about one thing," Allison whispered.
"How is your relationship with Asher," Megan asked.
"Good," Allison said, "I think we both want more but Ev is in our room and I'm not me again yet."
"What's scaring you," Megan asked.
"We were at the beach with everyone on the weekend and the other girls were all in bikinis," Allison said, "I can't wear one now. I have stretch marks and a tummy."
"Hardly a tummy," Megan said, "and you've seen my scar, Annie's. Scars and stretchmarks that's a sign of life that you've lived. I liked your tankini at the cabin, it was cute on you. Modesty is okay Allison. You could try on your other bathing suits if you wanted and see. But this isn't about bathing suits."
"Little ears," Allison said.
"I'm saying he loves you for your heart and brain not your body," Megan said, "you can safely enjoy it. Allison there is nothing wrong with enjoying being with him. You can like when he touches you."
"Baby," Allison said.
"She's in her own room soon," Megan said.
"I know," Allison said, "I don't know if were ready."
"Are you using your daughter as a way to keep things from going further than your ready with Asher," Megan asked.
Allison re settled Everly in her lap, the baby now full and smiling.
"Now you smile," Megan cooed at the baby.
"Was she not smiling this morning," Allison asked.
"She wanted mommy," Megan said, "she was good until it was time to eat and nap."
"Did she fall asleep with her bottle," Allison asked.
"No," Megan said, " she was almost asleep so I put her down and sat close until she was out."
"Can I ask you something with out you telling mom," Allison asked.
"Of course," Megan said.
"How did you know you were ready for more," Allison asked.
"You and Asher share a bed now," Megan said, "do you feel safe."
"I can't sleep on my own now," Allison admitted, "I tried to go to bed a couple weeks ago when he was out with Tyson and Jonah until 11 ish. I went up at 9:30 because I was tired and we usually go to bed early because Ev is in bed at 7:15 and up for the day around 6 Ash leaves for work at 6:45 to start at 7:15. So I feed her and he gets her dressed before he goes."
"He spends time with her," Megan asked.
"He's good with her," Allison said, " once he comes home from work he showers then he wants to be with her. Unless it's a feeding he's got everything with her until she goes to bed."
"You get time as a couple," Megan asked.
"We do," Allison said, "after she goes to bed. We hang out, we play a lot of board games. I like borrowing games from Annie."
"She's always had a huge variety of games," Megan agreed, "other than games what do you and Asher do?"
"TV movies," Allison said, "we spend time with Ev. We just chat. We like to cook together."
"In your room," Megan asked.
"We cuddle, hands wander, sometimes a little more but never that," Allison said.
"Do you feel loved," Megan asked.
"I think I do," Allison said, "I love him but I don't know what it's supposed to feel like."
"Like your heart won't beat without them," Megan said.
"That's for Everly," Allison said, "the two of them together. It feels right auntie."
"Go with what feels right," Megan encouraged, "Allie love him fully. You'll never regret giving someone all the love you feel for them. Love your boyfriend and love your baby. You're good."
"I am," Allison said as Megan put a bowl of soup in front of her, "this smells good."
"Eat," Megan said, "you're looking tired and pale. Eat up please."
"I'm hungry," Allison agreed.
"We'll eat and you can tell me all about your first class," Megan said.
On his lunch Asher checked his phone and saw the text from Megan showing Everly playing on a blanket in the backyard at Megan's he smiled.
"Checking on your daughter," Stewart asked.
"Yes," Asher replied, "Allie went back to school today so Everly is with Allie's aunt."
"You're okay with that," Stewart asked.
"Megan is doing our Tuesdays while Allie goes to her math class," Asher explained, "Allie has to go to college."
"Are you okay with Everly in day care," Stewart asked, "it was hard when we started putting Kelsey in day care."
"We don't have daycare yet," Asher said, "Allie's family on their day's off. She's taking night classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays so I'm home with Ev while she's in class."
"You and Allie," Stewart asked.
"We're working on it," Asher said, "she's good. We didn't date before."
"She's good though," Stewart asked.
"She was nervous about today," Asher said, "back to school. Her last year of school was hard."
"She would have had a hard year," Stewart agreed.
That afternoon Allison was sitting by a sleeping Everly trying to start her english readings when Asher came home.
"Hey," Asher said, leaning over the back of the couch and kissing Allison's cheek, "how are my girls?"
"We're good," Allison said, "how was work?"
"Good," Asher said, "nice to be off on time today."
"Still did 7-4," Allison said.
"But 8 hours of actual work," Asher said, "how was Math?"
"It was good," Allison said, "I liked my prof."
"Homework on the first day," Asher asked, seeing the book in her lap.
"This is for English," Allison said, "the prof sent out the syllabus and I have to have the first half of the book read this week."
"Math homework," Asher asked.
"I did a bit of it while she napped, but I wasn't feeling it. I got half done it's review," Allison said, "she'll wake up again soon."
"How did it go with dropping her off to Megan," Asher asked.
"That was really hard," Allison said, "she was happy with Auntie Meg but I cried getting in the car."
"You did it," Asher asked.
"I did it," Allison said, "does it make me a bad mom to enjoy going to class?"
"No," Asher said, "I like going to work and having my drive to listen to my pod cast and my music."
"It was nice to blast my music in the car," Allison said, "the 20 minute drive was nice."
"Tonight," Asher asked.
"I have to leave at 6:15," Allison said, "it's our night to do dinner. I should start it soon. I'm aiming to eat at 5:45. Can you do the dishes?"
"I'll clean up after and I'm sure your mom understands," Asher said, " so we'll clean up dinner. Have some play time, bath, bottle, story and into her crib."
"Crib," Allison asked.
"It's time Allie," Asher said, "she's ready."
"I'm not," Allison argued, "when she's only up once a night."
"She's close," Asher said, "Allie the book and the website say it's time to start."
"She's still happy with us," Allison said, "this week being away from her and me back at school is enough of a change for her this week. The crib would be too much at once. Let her settle into me being back at school."
"Soon," Asher said.
"She's napping in it and in a pack and play at Megan's were on track," Allison said.
"This month," Asher said.
"When she's down to one feeding over night," Allison argued, "I like having her right there to feed."
"What if I put her down in the crib and we move her back for the first feeding around 10:30 or 11 let her try," Asher suggested.
"Soon," Allison said, "not now."
"So other than leaving Ev what happened at school," Asher asked seeing Allison getting stressed and knowing not to push her at this point. He would bring the crib issue back up another time when Allison was calmer or would try putting Everly down in the crib one night when Allison was at school, show Allison that the baby was okay.
"It was good," Allison said, 'this guy at my table wouldn't leave me alone. I told him I have a boyfriend and a daughter. It was creepy and wrong."
"Then don't sit with him again," Asher suggested, "be clear."
"I was," Allison said, "I had my phone on the table and my lock screen is you and Ev at the cabin."
"Isn't that your ipad one," Asher asked.
"The Ipad is the three of us at her christening," Allison said, "I love that one our first family photo."
Everly began to stir in the bassinet.
"Hi princess," Asher beamed picking her up and kissing her cheek, "did you have a good day?"
"She did," Allison confirmed.
"I missed you," Asher said, "why don't you and mommy head upstairs and I'll shower and then come help mom with dinner."
"Is she hungry or just awake," Allison asked.
"Try," Asher said.
"I can try but I pumped not too long ago so you have the bedtime bottle," Allison replied.
"See what she does," Asher said.
"I will," Allison replied, "We'll meet you in the kitchen."
Teddy and Owen dashed in right as Allison finished dinner.
"Smells good munchkin," Owen commented.
"Just tacos," Allison said, "I have to leave at 6:15."
"How was your morning class," Teddy asked.
"Good," Allison said, "Ev liked her time with auntie Meg."
"I'm sure she did Megan likes to spoil," Teddy replied.
"She's as bad as you," Allison replied.
"Hey," Teddy laughed, "where are Ev and Asher?"
"He's just changing her," Allison said.
"Your class was good," Owen clarified.
"Pre calc it looks easy," Allison said, "English tonight could be a lot of work."
"You can do it," Owen assured, 'you have classes tomorrow?"
"I do your still okay to watch her," Allison asked.
"I'm looking forward to it," Owen said.
"I wrote out her routine for you," Allison said.
"We live with her. I know it," Owen assured, "but thank you for writing it down."
"It's hard leaving her," Allison said.
"This week," Teddy replied, "today was the worst. Tomorrow will be better and by the end of the semester it will be fine."
"It''s the first night Ash is doing bedtime alone," Allison said.
"He's good," Teddy replied.
"I don't know what to do," Asher said.
"Read," Owen suggested, "work out, the baby monitor works in the garage."
"Laundry," Teddy suggested, "pick one of your home nights to do your laundry."
"I should call my mom and update her," Asher said.
"See lots to do," Owen said.
The family ate dinner quickly and Allison got ready to go again. She hugged Everly tight and smothered her in kisses before saying good bye.
"Go you'll be late," Asher said, "we're fine."
"By Ev," Allison said, "I love you so much princess."
"Hey," Asher laughed.
"I love you too," Allison smiled,
"Love you," Asher said giving her a one armed hug, "go be brilliant."
Allison gave each a final hug and walked out the door trying not to cry. She wanted to be home with them.
She walked into class and sat down in an empty seat in the lecture hall.
"Is this seat taken," A blonde woman asked.
"No," Allison smiled.
"I'm Alicia," the woman introduced herself."
"Allie," Allison said.
"Who's that," the woman asked seeing Allison's screen saver, a recent photo of Everly and Asher playing in the back yard.
"My boyfriend and our daughter," Allison replied.
"My kids are home with my husband," Alicia said, 'how old is she?"
"Just over three months," Allison said, "your kids?"
"12 and 9," the woman said, "it's finally time for me to come back. I've wanted this for 12 years but we haven't really had time."
"It's busy," Allison agreed.
"Your a freshman then,"Alicia asked.
"Yes," Allison said, "you?"
"I am but 30 is old to be a freshman," Alicia replied.
"18 so right on track," Allison replied.
"I was 17 with my first," Alicia said, "good for you coming right away and her dad supports you?"
"Asher wants me to go to school," Allison said, "I'm in school he's doing his apprenticeship. We have a plan."
"Night classes," Alica asked.
"Less daycare," Allison replied, "Asher is home with Everly."
"Allie," Kristen called.
"Hey," Allison faked a smile.
"You're in this class," Kristen said, "I thought Everly?"
"She's with Ash," Allison replied, "she's in bed at 7:15 or 7:30 anyway. I'm missing her bath, bottle and book."
"Back to school after your semester off," Kristen said.
"I was in school online," Allison replied, "and I came for french."
"You missed like half," Kristen argued.
"Not my fault my drs only do clinic in the morning," Allison said.
"Study buddies," Kristen asked, "the syllabus said groups of 3?"
"Maybe the three of us," Allison suggested, pointing to Alicia.
"Depends on time," Alicia said, "I work full time and have 2 kids."
"The two of us for sure Kristen and Alicia maybe when it works for you," Allison tried.
"That sounds good," Alicia agreed.
The professor began the class shutting down the conversations.