"Mom," Everly yelled, "let's go."
"I'm coming," Allison replied, "are you ready?"
"Yes," Everly said, "I'll do it myself."
"You are," Allison said, "do I get to come in with you today?"
"No," Everly said, "no moms in first grade."
"But I didn't get to come last week," Allison said, "I want to meet your teacher."
"Dad did," Everly said.
"I know dad brought you to your first day of school last week," Allison said, "I wanted to go with you."
"Why do you have to go away," Everly asked.
"I have to go next week for a month," Allison said, "I have to go for school."
"Why," Everly whined.
"I have to do my rural medicine rotation," Allison said, "I'll be an 8 hour drive away. You'll be home with daddy and Grandma and Grandpa are upstairs."
"But you're not home," Everly complained.
"I'm going to talk to your teacher after school today and explain why I'm not there," Allison said, "Princess I don't want to go and leave you and dad. You've only spent 10 nights away from me your whole life."
"How many sleeps," Everly asked.
"30," Allison said, "I don't like it but I have to."
"Will you come home," Everly asked.
"Always," Allison said, "if you need me I will come home right away. I might be able to come home for a day at some point."
"Daddy," Everly asked.
"Will be home," Allison asked, "but me going for school is like when daddy has to go work on the dam."
"He goes for a long time," Everly said.
"He does," Allison said, "he only did 2 weeks this summer."
"Will you come home," Everly asked.
"I will," Allison promised, "let's go to the car princess."
They drove to school following their usual morning routine. Allison walked Everly to her classroom.
"Hi," Allison smiled at the teacher as Everly made her way inside.
"You must be Everly's mom," the teacher smiled.
"Yes," Allison confirmed, "Ms Dewitt?"
"Yes," Ms Dewitt agreed, "I met your husband last week."
"Yes, Allison said, "Ash's crew is between job sites right now so he's got some flexibility. Do you have a moment?"
"I do," Ms Dewitt said, "our music teacher is taking them first thing."
"Everly loves music class," Allison smiled.
"Is it Ev or Everly," Ms Dewitt asked.
"We use both," Allison replied, "and let her decide what she wants to use. She's got definite opinions."
"Come in," Ms Dewitt motioned Allison into the classroom.
"Thank you," Allison said, "It won't take long. I have class at 9:30."
"What are you taking," Ms Dewitt asked.
"I'm in medical school," Allison answered, "that's actually why I came in today."
"Oh," Ms Dewitt said.
"I'm in my third year and this year is clinicals," Allison replied, "so I'm in hospitals and clinics this year. I have my rural rotation starting next Monday in Idaho. It's an 8 hour drive so I'll be away for a month. I'm going to try to come home if I have 3 days off in a row but I should only get 1 off at a time. The long weekend Asher is going to pull Everly from school on the Friday so they can drive out and see me for the Saturday and Sunday."
"So what should I expect," Ms Dewitt asked.
"She'll be home with her dad," Allison said, "my parents will do more of the pick up and drop off with Everly because they have a bit more flexibility with work than Asher. My parents are semi-retired. My sister and her husband will also do some of the pick ups. Ash will put a note in her planner with who is picking her up."
"Behaviour," Ms Dewitt asked.
"She's only been away from me a few nights," Allison admitted, "never more than two in a row. When Ash has had to work out of town she's gotten irritable, clingy and emotional. We'e not sure with how long I'll be gone. I am going to video chat with her every day and if something comes up I will come home."
"I've talked to Ms Whitman," Ms Dewitt said, "I know last year didn't get off to a good start."
"It improved when Ev switched classes," Allison replied, "but we had a hard year for sure. We are working towards more independence with her physical skills."
"How can I," Ms Dewitt asked.
"Encourage her to do it herself," Allison said, "ask her to try before doing it for her. She should be walking at least half of the running club time then she has an adaptive bike here."
"So if we go out for 40 minutes," Ms Dewitt asked.
"15 minutes" Allison replied, "the track is flat and paved, then she can switch to her bike she must be moving if the rest of the class is. She can go to PE and it should be adapted, her physio is going to set up a time to meet with you about it or email."
"Okay," Ms Dewitt said, "I want her to participate and be involved. My brother is in a wheelchair. I understand how important finding ways to make the classroom accessible is. I remember him watching from the side as kids."
"I want her fully included," Allison said, "she needs to be what does this year look like?"
"It's September," Ms Dewitt said, "we're working on routines and being more independent than kindergarten. We do have a full time SEA in the classroom. Last week Everly didn't need much support. Her academics are great so far. I did a reading assessment with her on Friday and she's reading at a mid second grade level. She's really active in number corner and has already figured out the monthly pattern and she's only been in first grade for 5 days. She's obviously been worked with and people spend a lot of time with her."
"We do," Allison replied, "we read a lot. Both my husband and I like reading and we've read to her since the day she was born. She loves to build with lego and k'nex and play playdough. She draws while I do homework at our table. She knows all of the bones in the body. If she brings in a skeleton or a doll with removable organs while I'm away I apologise. She likes her Anatomy Jane Doll and playing hospital with her barbies and Jane is the patient."
"Do you have any idea why," Ms Dewitt asked.
"I'm in medical school, both of my parents are surgeons, my brother is also in med school, my older sister and her husband are both surgeons so is my aunt, my nana was a scrub nurse," Allison said, "it's normal in our house."
"Anything else I should know about your family," Ms Dewitt asked.
"Asher's parents have no access to Everly," Allison said, "Asher, my parents and sister will do pick up. Do you have any concerns about Ev?"
"It's been a week," Ms Dewitt replied, "but she does appear to be a reluctant writer. She can explain herself verbally but getting ideas down on paper appears to challenge her. It is first grade. We are going to continue working on printing and I will be in touch with our resource team to see if there are supports we can put in for her, maybe getting a slanted desk for her or an adaptive pencil."
"What can we do," Allison asked.
"Encourage her to keep drawing, playing with play dough, beads, arts and crafts," Ms Dewitt said, "build her fine motor skills. I wouldn't push her to write yet at home. We don't want to make it a chore or something she dislikes. If she shows interest in writing by all means encourage it but don't sit her down to practice yet. Let her come to it on her own. We may need to look at adaptive technology."
"Should we talk to her occupational therapist," Allison asked.
"It wouldn't hurt to mention it," Ms Dewitt said, "but she's 6 it's first grade. If they do anything I would look at her pencil grip and how she holds her pencil and markers. I would like to continue our conversation but the students will be back from music in a moment."
"I understand," Allison smiled, "thank you for taking the time to talk with me. While I'm away please call me or text me. I will be checking in daily."
"I will keep you in the loop," Ms Dewitt replied.
"Thank you," Allison replied, "enjoy the rest of your day."
"We will," Ms Dewitt agreed, "enjoy yours as well."
"I will," Allison smiled.
She rushed to class and slipped into a vascular seminar just before it started.
"Cutting it close," Claire said.
"I had to talk to my daughter's teacher," Allison replied, "it took longer than I expected."
"How is she," Claire asked.
"On edge," Allison admitted, "I have my month-long rural rotation next week. Everly has never been away from me for more than a couple nights. She's with my husband and my parents are helping. Mom is mostly retired so she'll do most of the driving."
"Your mom hasn't retired," Claire said.
"She's down to 2 days a week," Allison said, "but she's ready. She likes being home and being grandma."
"She has to be in her 70s," Claire said.
"She is," Allison replied, "but she's good. Her and dad are great. She just wants more down time. She likes going for long walks with the dog and baking."
"She's always baked. Does she still bake a couple times a week," Claire asked.
"She does," Allison confirmed, "usually what my daughter or I ask for."
"We always had brownies, " Clair remembered .
"Still do," Allison smiled.
"I haven't tasted brownies like that in 40 years," Claire replied.
Allison reached into her bag and took out the ziplock bag and passed it to Claire, "Mom's homemade brownies."
"I can't take your lunch," Claire said.
"I insist," Allison said.
"It's okay," Claire said, "what would your mom say?"
"She would be okay with it," Allison replied, "I insist. I know you were really close friends once and I think she misses you still. Probably always will."
"Really," Claire asked.
"Ya," Allison smiled.
"Thank you," Claire smiled, taking the bag Allison was passing her, "we should start the seminar."
"Of course," Allison smiled.
Allison took her seat and the seminar began.
That night Allison sat on the couch with Teddy, "mom I don't think I should do this."
"I know," Teddy said, "it's a month."
"Is there any other choice," Allison asked.
"No you have to do a rural rotation," Teddy sighed, "you'll be okay."
"It's not me I'm worried about," Allison said.
"Everly will be okay," Teddy assured, "she has been when Asher's gone. He's gone for a couple months before and it was hard to be apart and it wasn't fun but you've done it before."
"But that wasn't me leaving them," Allison whined, "mom I can't do it. I can't go away for more than a couple weeks with out getting homesick and we went with Ash and Ev."
"You will call home every day and talk to all of us," Teddy assured.
"But it's going to hurt her," Allison said, "I feel like I'm abandoning my daughter. I'm leaving her."
"You are not abandoning her," Teddy assured, "but it really feels like it. I never liked leaving you and Leo. Allison you have to go."
"It's too far," Allison said, "I can't come home when I have a day off. It's too far."
"It is further away than I would like for you," Teddy said, "Allison trust yourself. Go learn and be on your own. You've never had to be on your own baby girl. Allison it could be really good for you to learn to be on your own. You are going to be great. Allison you were 17 the last time you didn't have to think of others before yourself. For this I want you to put you first."
"How I'm leaving my daughter," Allison replied.
"I want you to figure out who you are when you're not Everly's mom or Asher's wife or a student," Teddy said, "you've spent so much time being those things that you maybe don't know who you are in all that anymore. I want you to make sure you still know who Allison is. Who are you?"
"I don't know," Allison admitted.
"Use this month to figure that out as much as you can," Teddy encouraged, "don't lose all the special things that make you you in all of the other stuff going on."
"I think it's too late," Allison replied, "I'm with Ev or working on school stuff and trying to have real time for Ash and I don't do my things."
"You're not dancing," Teddy said, "but in a week what do you do that makes you happy?"
"I don't know," Allison admitted, "I read but it's not enough."
"This month when you go I want you to try something new," Teddy said, "with some one your on the rotation with or on your own. You are going to do something new."
"We can't afford," Allison started.
"I know," Teddy said, "dad and I talked about it. We had a new visa made linked to our account for you to take on this month long adventure. It's prepaid, we already put 5 thousand on it. If something comes up and you need more let us know. Dad and I will cover your expenses while your away."
"You guys already said the accommodations," Allison said, "dad paid it already."
"I know," Teddy said, "but we want you to take this with you and let us help you out."
"I don't know," Allison replied, "we're trying to do it on our own we're already feeling bad that I took a student loan to help with school expenses."
"Is this your first loan," Teddy asked.
"Yes," Allison blushed, "I know we should do it."
"Allie it's your third year of med school and you and Asher have made it this far."
"But you and dad paid for college and my bachelors degree," Allison said.
"We were doing that either way," Teddy said, "do you have the clothes you need?"
"I think so," Allison said, "can we look tomorrow and shop if we need to. I'll look at our budget and hopefully find things at Ross or the thrift store."
"No," Teddy said, "we'll go and shop, you'll need it for the next couple years. Why don't we go tomorrow you only have a morning class don't you?"
"I do," Allison said, "but I promised I would pick Ev up and that we could go for ice cream before choir."
"What time is your class," Teddy asked.
"8-10," Allison replied, "just the what to do and not to do when in a clinical setting and reviewing HIPPA."
"So 10:30," Teddy asked, "shopping and lunch?"
"Sure," Allison agreed, "we haven't since college."
"We haven't," Teddy agreed, "I'm looking forward to it."
"Me too," Allison smiled.
"What do you need to do to get ready," Teddy asked.
"Clothes," Allison said, "Ash wants to do the brakes, oil and spark plugs on my car. I need to spend more time with Ev. I want to make her a few things for the freezer. I have some surprises to hide around the house for her to find."
"I did that when dad and I went away for three weeks when you were three," Teddy said, "I gave nana a basket of surprises to give you."
"Should I leave them with Ash and he'll give them to her when he's ready," Allison asked.
"What do you have," Teddy asked.
"An outfit for Kiki, some barbie things, play dough, candy, stickers, hair things," Allison said, "just little things one every other day."
"And you have notes," Teddy asked.
"I have a month worth of lunch box notes," Allison said, "and pillow notes for Ash to hide under her pillow."
"Her lunch so we can help out," Teddy asked.
"Like you used to give me," Allison said, "she has her bento box, she gets a protein, carb, veggie, fruit and a treat. She loves chicken and cheese in a quesadilla with a little container of salsa to dip it in. Her favourite is the quesadilla, yogurt with berries or cherries, cucumbers and bell peppers."
"Healthy," Teddy replied.
"Always," Allison said, "she likes soup in her thermos or left overs. Dry cereal with a couple mini marshmallows is a great treat in her lunch. I've made a lunch suggestion menu for Ash because I always do Ev's lunch. He's never packed her lunch for school or daycare."
"Get him to help," Teddy replied, "but I will help as well. If she got to pick?"
"She likes Jenna's chicken soup in her thermos," Allison replied, "I like giving her chicken noodle soup. I just put her yogurt and berries with it and a little treat. Her school is really strict about sugar, she's not supposed to have sweets at school. Lunchables are banned, the cafeteria is an option but she doesn't usually like the food. We've done it sometimes but she never likes it and doesn't eat enough. She's only allowed water at school. She has her water bottle and they will help her refill it if needed. Asher knows all this and I wrote it down. "
"This could be a good opportunity for you and Asher to rebalance how you do child care," Teddy replied, "for him to see how much you really do and that you carry 95% of the day to day load. He is an amazing dad and so good with her but you do more than he does, more than I did. Dad and I were much more balanced."
"I've been physically home more," Allison replied, "we did that to make it work while I was in college so I didn't work as much because she needed to be with us."
"And she has bennifited so much from you being with her so much," Teddy replied, "and she is so securly attached to you. She knows her mommy loves her."
"She called me mom," Allison groaned, "I was not ready to be mom."
"You cried when she sifted from mama to mommy," Teddy said.
"I almost did when she called me mom after school," Allison said, "I don't like it. She's not my baby anymore mom. How did you?"
"I went from being mama to mom," Teddy replied.
"Mama I've never understood," Allison said, "why for so long and Nee still does."
"She said it coming out from general after surgery and then on morphine and it stuck for us," Teddy replied, "then when you were born Dad and I decided to go with it because it was my mom name. Eventually you and Leo switched in elementary school around kinder or first."
"What if Everly doesn't do well," Allison asked.
"Then we find a way to fly you home if we have to or we bring her to you," Teddy replied, "but she'll be okay. She's home, Asher is here, Dad and I are here. She will be okay. She might miss you a lot."
"I always miss you when you go," Allison replied.
"And I miss you when I do," Teddy smiled hugging Allison, "Baby Girl it's time. You are ready. You are a beautiful, strong, intelligent 24 year old woman. You are going to go and do this. You've even won over the prof that was determined to hate you."
"I gave her the brownies in my lunch today," Allison smiled, 'she was talking about you baking and I had them so I shared."
"And," Teddy asked.
"She tried to refuse but on the break in class she was eating them and smiled," Allison replied.
"Why did you," Teddy questioned.
"She asked me about you," Allison said, "and if you still bake. Then she mentioned the brownies and had this funny look on her face so I offered and I had to assure her it was okay a couple times but I think it made her happy."
"Probably did," Teddy replied, "she would eat the whole pan her self."
"No," Allison laughed, "I've only done that once."
"Yes with grapes and cream cheese icing from the can," Teddy laughed.
"I was 9 months pregant give me a break," Allison giggled.
"I did," Teddy replied, "I think I offered you more icing."
"I was trying to be so stealthy too," Allison replied.
"You were not even close with your midnight kitchen raids for cravings," Teddy replied, "but it's better than the time I made 2am bacon at the cabin and set off the smoke alarm."
"What," Allison asked.
"I was pregnant with you," Teddy answered, "it woke everyone up. Your dad and auntie Meg panicked at the sound. Dad should have suspected because I had done it before but he thought I wouldn't at the cabin."
"What happened," Allison asked wide eyed.
"Uncle Nathan made the bacon, while dad cleaned up my mess and Megan and I had tea with Annie and Nana in PJs," Teddy remembered, "Faroke and Josh slept through it all."
"Nee says she has to wake him if his phone goes off," Allison said.
"He's a heavy sleeper," Teddy agreed.
"So is Ash," Allison replied, "but he works so hard and so physically that by the time we go to bed he's exhausted. Mom I don't know if I can fall asleep on my own now."
"I know you've slept in the same bed as him since you were 18," Teddy replied.
"Almost 7 years," Allison said, "I don't sleep when he's gone for work and it's in our bed."
"I used to steal a couple of dad's shirts when I would go away just me for conferences and use them as pjs," Teddy answered.
"So take a couple of his," Allison asked.
"I would," Teddy answered, "then it smells like him and it kinda helps."
"I'll try," Allison agreed, "I just don't like leaving them."
"I know," Teddy replied, "you will be okay. You can call and text as much as you want."
"I know," Allison replied, "I just don't like being the one to go. It feels wrong."
"It's okay," Teddy replied, "if she was under a year I would suggest asking to have it changed but she's 6 she's in first. She's okay she knows you love her."
"If she gets hurt or sick," Allison asked.
"You come home and we figure it out," Teddy replied.
"What if Ash has another accident at work," Allison asked.
"You come home," Teddy reiterated, "you are going to stop worrying about what could go wrong. Allie think about everything that could go right. Annie met Jenna on their's.
"Really," Allison asked.
"Really," Teddy assured, "talk to them about it. Talk to your sister."
"Was she scared," Allison asked.
"Yes," Teddy replied, "being separated from Josh even though they weren't fully together yet. She was somewhere in South Dakota, she was worried about me being able to come or her being able to come to me."
"But you didn't live together," Allison said.
"I know," Teddy replied, "it was a decent flight but we knew that in and out of Boston was doable and there were multiple flights from Boston to Germany a day."
"I don't know if I can do it," Allison said, "I don't know if I'm okay away from everyone. I don't know how to be on my own."
"You've never had to be," Teddy replied, "but you can do it. I know you can baby."
"If I can't," Allison asked.
"We'll help you get through it," Teddy replied, "is it medicine or the relationships."
"Leaving my family," Allison said, "trusting they'll be okay with out me. I wish they could come."
"They're going to try on the long weekend," Teddy checked.
"They are," Allison confirmed, "she might miss a day of school."
"To go see you," Teddy said, 'what do you have lined up for medical for the first term?"
"Nothing she has to miss school for," Allison replied, "she's not growing as fast now. We did the wheelchair fitting and braces over the summer. She has a dentist appointment but Ash will deal with that."
"She hates the dentist," Teddy replied.
"So do I," Allison replied, 'it's the sound. OT needs to look at her pencil grasp."
"What happened," Teddy asked.
"Her teacher said her writing isn't where it should be," Allison replied, "her reading is great but her writing is weak and it could be her grasp and the CP. So OT needs to look."
"Write it down or email the OT," Teddy replied.
"I have," Allison replied, "Ev isn't a normal kid as much as we try to make her life normal."
"She's not," Teddy agreed, "but she's doing good. She walks with her crutches and I've seen her fully on her own here. She does stairs."
"But she still needs the chair for long distances," Allison replied.
"So what," Teddy answered, "there was a day you sat here and cried thinking she would never walk. Now she's walking, she goes to first in a normal class with minimal supports she's doing good."
"She is," Allison replied, "she's just been the centre of my world for so long I don't know how to be me without her."
"Then you need to figure that out," Teddy answered, "no one can do it for you."
"I'll try," Allison said.
"Try something new this month and not just the medicine," Teddy replied, "have fun with it Allie."
"I'll try," Allison assured.
"I know you will," Teddy replied.