"I don't want to go,"Theresa grumbelled as she did her make-up.
"Why not," Leo asked.
"Allie is too much," Theresa explained.
"How," Leo asked.
"She's just over the top about my pregnancy," Theresa complained, "it's like all she can think about is the babies and her kids away from work. She has no hobbies, no other interests. She works and moms and that's all there is to Allison she has nothing that makes her her."
"I've never noticed that," Leo said.
"You have a soft spot for your sister," Theresa smiled.
"I do," Leo agreed, "and her kids."
"Not Asher," Theresa asked.
"I like him but we're not super close," Leo admitted.
"Did Allison ever do anything for her," Theresa asked, "will I lose everything about who I am to having kids?"
"She did," Leo said, "she skied, highland danced, she still gardens, she makes all that jam you keep eating with a spoon."
"Gardening is part of house stuff," Theresa argued.
"Not the way Allie does it," Leo said, "all those fruits and veggies she grows from seed. The garden beds and fruit trees at their place are all her. The fruit trees and berry bushes here she planted and her and the kids came a few times when you were working to pick it all with mom. She said she has more jam and apple sauce for us. She made a pear jelly."
"She never got to explore," Theresa said, "it's one reason I gave up Aliyana. I didn't know who I was yet. I didn't know anything about the world I was 18. I wasn't ready."
"I don't know if shes ever thought about it," Leo said, "her and Asher camp, they hike when they can, they like board games."
"They not her," Theresa said, "her adult life has been school and chores and food prep don't count. When has Allison gotten to try different things? We did in our 20s and in med school."
"Never," Leo agreed.
"She's a good mom and a good doctor but she's not good to herself," Theresa said, "she bends over backwards for everyone else but doesn't take care of herself and she doesn't recognize it."
"I don't think she can," Leo replied, "but how can she?"
"By trying new things," Theresa said, "do you think she'd come over for a craft night? I miss doing crafts with friends."
"I'm sure she would if you asked," Leo said.
"No kid or surgery themed crafts," Theresa said, "my crafts have always been my escape."
"You have more craft stuff than anything else," Leo teased.
"It was in storage and better to store," Theresa said, "I'll need a new wardrobe when the babies are here."
"Then go shopping," Leo said.
"Once they're here and I see what my body does," Theresa said.
"Do some now," Leo said, "we have the money. It's double what we got in the army."
"I know but I feel guilty spending it," Theresa said, "I want a lot put away for the kid's education. Two doing everything at once is going to add up. College and day care, private school."
"We went to public school," Leo said," so did you why private?"
"We're doctors," Theresa said.
"So," Leo asked, "Annie and Josh sent theirs to public school, so did most of the drs kids I know. Seattle public schools are good. And we make sure we stay in a neighbourhood with a good middle and high school."
"We have time," Theresa said, "I've accepted that the babies are coming home here."
"Not if you don't want to," Leo said.
"I'm 25 weeks with twins," Theresa said, "I feel like I should be 40 weeks. Old ladies in the grocery store comment on how big I am. We'll be lucky to make it to 38."
"That's the goal," Leo replied.
"Aliyana was 36+4," Theresa said, "these two could be earlier."
"They could and we'll be ready," Leo said, "you have some decisions to make about the birth."
"Ideally natural start to labour," Theresa said, "no induction. That was hell last time. Likely a scheduled C-section and then I'm making some stipulations. I want to choose the OR staff and have minimal people."
"We'll keep it calm," Leo assured, "just us?"
"I don't want your family hovering," Theresa said, "if we can I don't want them to know that I've gone into labour. We heard when Allison was being induced for Carly and how things were progressing there and for me it's invasive."
"Then we won't tell them," Leo promised, "but mom and dad will see us leave."
"They can know we're going but no updates," Theresa said, "family can hear when the babies are here and we know how everyone is doing."
"Fair," Leo agreed, "I didn't know about Andy until Asher texted me the picture. Ev I knew because we all lived here and Allison was screaming and sobbing. Carly mom let me know Allie was being induced then we got the baby's here text."
"What do you remember of Evs," Theresa asked.
"I stayed away," Leo said, "I was 18 and a total ass hole. I told her to shut up. I was a jerk."
"If I," Theresa said.
"I'll be with you every second," Leo promised hugging her from behind and kissing her neck.
"You start that we're not making it to dinner," Theresa laughed.
"When we come home," Leo assured, running his hands along her side to hold her belly, "but I need to shower and shave before we go."
"Go do that," Theresa said, "I'll go get dressed."
They met Allison and Asher at a restaurant and sensed something was off with the other couple.
"What's wrong," Theresa asked Allison.
"Our application for a permanent option has been denied," Allison grumbled, "so now I have to go back on the pill."
"Not a fan," Theresa asked.
"No," Allison replied, "it messes with my thyroid but it's the only option I've been given."
"See OB and advocacy," Theresa encouraged.
"I will on Monday," Allison agreed, "we can't handle a fourth."
"Four would be a lot," Leo agreed, "two sounds intense right now."
"It's a lot at once," Asher agreed, "we'll help."
"You have lots of help and mom and dad are right there as extra hands," Allison said, "they were so helpful with Ev as a baby. Dad is a baby hog."
"They were younger," Theresa said.
"They were working full time and mom was chief," Allison countered, "it's a hard adjustment parenting. Feeling pulled in 20 directions, feeling guilty anytime you just want to go for a run by yourself. Staying up until 1:30 to get your own studying done or research and getting up at 5:30 to have the day ready for your kids so mom is calm in the morning and sends them to school and daycare with a smile. Having to rationalise spending anything on yourself for clothes or a novel or a hobby."
"Really," Leo asked.
"Now," Theresa asked.
"It's way better than it ever was but old habits," Allison said, "we struggled for a long time until we had Andy really and I felt bad because it was my education, my ambition so instead of Ash or the kids going without I made sure I did first. Ev never needed to know how much we struggled that I wore the same jeans for four years of college until they nearly fell apart."
"Mom and dad," Leo said.
"I couldn't ask," Allison replied, "they would have but I couldn't ask. The number of times they bought groceries, paid medical bills, clothed Ev, bought the adaptive shoes. I couldn't ask. I hardly worked so it wasn't fair to take it from our family budget."
"If you had to pick a hobby," Theresa asked.
"I want to learn to quilt," Allison replied, "I want to get a sewing machine and make quilts."
"Anything else," Theresa asked.
"I like the traditional home maker type stuff," Allison admitted, "I love cooking and trying different recipes but I'd love to take a sushi making class or a macaron making class."
Asher smiled Christmas was coming, he could book one of those classes for her or get her the sewing machine. It was the most open she had ever been about wanting to do something.
"Would you want to come do christmas crafts one night," Theresa asked, "I have way too much craft stuff I put in storage when I deployed."
"I haven't done much but I want to," Allison replied, "those cricut things look fun my friend Ava has one."
"I have one," Theresa smiled, "find a project online and we can do it."
"You pick I don't even know what's possible," Allison said, "something festive."
"I have ideas," Theresa smiled, "but how will I have time to do it once the babies are here?"
"How long are you taking for mat leave," Allison asked.
"I'm saying six months now but will extend if needed," Theresa said, "I have a feeling they're not going to be easy on me."
"Newborns never are," Allison smiled, "each of them has been a challenge in their own way. We got better at the new born care but there was always a new element."
"I don't know how you do high school and an infant and a toddler," Theresa said.
"We make it work," Asher replied, "it's been hard and our 20s looked different that most peoples but that's okay. We'd both like time to try new things and I am being in school. It's way harder than I expected."
"You've been out of the classroom for so long," Allison reminded him, "it's a different way of doing things and you're trying to still work full time and be a present parent."
"I just have to get though this semester," Asher said, "then it's a co-op placement for two semesters and I can do it in the head office at work. I have that set up."
"If you wanted to try something really crazy what would you do," Leo asked.
"I want to go bungee jumping," Theresa said.
"I'd learn to fly a plane," Asher said.
"I've never thought of it," Allison admitted, "Leo?"
"Sky diving," Leo replied, "come on Allie there must be something."
"In highschool I had a list but now I don't know," Allison said, "I'm not sure I know what I like to do on my own time I'm too busy."
"You need to," Theresa said, "one totally outrageous thing."
"Helli skiing," Allison whispered.
"Was that so hard," Leo asked.
"Yes," Allison blushed, "I don't think like that. It's about the kids and when my ambition comes between me and them it hurts me."
"But you did it as a teen mom," Theresa said, "as teen parents."
"And that's all were ever seen as," Asher said, "I'm the leading foreman at work, Allie was chief resident and a surgical fellowship in orthopaedics. She's done so much but at the end of the day that's all we'll ever be. My family will always look down on us. There's always been a level of pitty on Allie's side. My family despises and doesn't trust us. No matter what we accomplish and how much they say they've changed nothing changes."
"I want to be more that that," Allison said, "yes I got pregnant at 17 and had her at 18, yes we were drinking. But when will we atone for it. You had a daughter at 18 and chose adoption and that's as hard as raising your child. But you got to be 19, 20, 21 and go to parties and drink and have wild nights."
"You haven't," Theresa acknowledged.
"I have been to a few when I had to for school or work but I don't really drink," Allison said.
"I don't like drinking," Asher said, "I only ever did to fit in. we're the cautionary tale for our families. And it sucks."
"I didn't know," Leo said.
"Ya," Allison replied, "we can't usually talk about we haven't been able to have other interests so that we can survive. I know were boring."
"But do you want to be," Theresa asked.
"It used to bug me," Allison replied, "now I accept it. I'd like to try something or learn a new skill. But Ev's in high school and thats not going well."
"What isn't," Leo asked, "she's so smart."
"But she still has no social confidence," Asher replied.
"How can we help," Theresa asked.
"She has to be with kids her age," Allison replied, "she has to go to school and her activities."
"Can we spend more time with her," Theresa asked, "take your other two to give you time with Ev?"
"We're looking for a new counselor for her," Asher said, "and some other social opportunity. This is the one okay thing about youth groups they encourage social skills and activities but we are not sending our kids to youth unsupervised by family and we don't have time to volunteer. I don't want her learning the purity culture, that her existence is shameful, I don't want her taught to be subservient to men or that kissing before marriage is a sin. I don't want my kids in the cult I grew up in. It was a fundamentalist cult. I will not let my children experience that. The endless new siblings until mom physically can't have kids anymore, the parentification of older kids. We already have to be careful because of our age gap. Asking Ev to babysit for a couple hours and paying her is okay but we are the parents. Raising and caring for her siblings isn't. My youngest sister has a lot of medical issues. In middle school I learned to connect and disconnect her feeding tube and IV from a pic line. My parents were so busy I was doing that on a baby at 11! That was not okay. My kids will not experience that. Ev will never have to give her siblings medication or get up in the middle of the night to change their feeding pump bag."
"She hardly does diapers only if she offers or she's babysitting," Allison assured Asher, "Ev likes to read to them and play with them but it's usually on her terms. It might be Ev can you watch them while I run to the bathroom or the garage but it's less that five minutes in those cases. Everly has her freedom. Not as much as we had unless she's lying to us but she will get to make her own choices and mistakes they all will. We all messed up. Leo you used to smoke pot in the bushes behind dads shed."
"We all did," Theresa laughed, "I was a bit wild in college and I regret it."
"So was I," Leo agreed.
"I ran wild in high school and theres parts I'm not proud of," Allison said, "I drank a lot, I went to parties in eleventh and the summer between eleventh and twelfth and lied to my parents about where I was and what I was doing. I was at Ava's or Olivia's and they were at our house."
"I regret the drinking and partying," Asher said, "I'm not proud of how we got together."
"Really," Theresa said, "I thought you were high school sweethearts and dated in highschool and made a bad call a couple times or had a birth control failure."
"No," Allison said, "it was my first time. I was drunk and it was a one night stand. We had been friends for years but weren't dating until I was about 4 months pregnant."
"So you've punished your self for 15 years," Theresa asked.
"I guess," Allison said, "I'm the family failure. Leo served, Annie has so many awards and is teaching peds cardio surgery around the globe."
"And she's in her late 50s," Leo said, "you and I are different paths and you should hear mom and dad when you're not around, how strong you are, how smart and driven. You'd think you were the favourite."
"Covering up their bitter disappointment I'm sure," Allison rolled her eyes.
"No," Leo assured, "our parents no."
"So what new thing are you going to try now that you have more free time," Theresa asked as their dinner arrived.
"I'm going to try a new fitness class at the gym," Allison said, "and learn to make macarons. You while you're home with your babies?"
"I'm going to finally learn to cook," Theresa said, "like a full dinner."
"Youtube," Allison said, "I learned so much from youtube when I started cooking. And ask Annie, she's the best cook of all of us."
"I've noticed I want to learn the tortier and jambalay," Theresa said.
"Ask she's protective of the tortitere," Leo said, "I asked her one time but she wouldn't teach me. She said it's for Ellie to learn and pass down some tradition on her dad's side."
In the car home Allison asked Asher, "am I really as boring as Theresa made me sound?"
"No," Asher said, "she doesn't understand you but she does have a point about you needing to do something just for you."
"I don't know what," Allison said, "I haven't thought about it since high school. I've felt so guilty taking anything for myself because when I was in school we struggled so much and you worked so hard to support us."
"You never said," Asher said grabbing her hand.
"I didn't think I could," Allison whispered, "I didn't want to be ungrateful or put more pressure on you. You didn't notice and I couldn't ask."
"I'm sorry babe," Asher replied squeezing her had, "I know you sacrificed a lot, more than I did."
"But if I hadn't gone to med school we might have had more money sooner," ALlison said.
"And you would have always regretted it," Asher said, "I am so proud of you. Allie you need to let go of your guilt. You are the only one who sees it that way. I should have encouraged you to take time for you, made sure you didn't lose your self in the kids and work. You've been super mom as long as we've been together. Allie it's time you do something for you."
"I can't," Allison said, "I don't know what I like or who I am outside of those things anymore."
"Then try a few things," Asher encouraged, "you can try a couple things. Take a class or two."
"Not till you're done school," Allison said.
"No," Asher said, "this week you'll pick something and register. An hour a week."
"I can do an hour," Allison agreed.
"Good," Asher said, "I think you'll have fun."
"I hope so," Allison smiled.