Chapter 58, everybody! In other news, FFN is acting up again so at some point I'll be porting this and all my other FFN stories over to AO3. This might take a while, FFN doesn't allow for AO3 to import works so I have to do it all manually, hopefully they fix the issues but just in case I'd rather have a backup location I'm posting this to.
Back to the fic…Flitwick crowdsurfing was in the movie and one of the highlights of the Yule Ball, meantime Sirius and Remus' exchange is a reference to the Dharma and Greg episode "Bed, Bath and Beyond." The discussion on Boxing Day, meantime, comes from my own research on the holiday because I wasn't sure what it was. And if you've played Hogwarts Legacy, then you know about the scrolls. :D
The Skeeter subplot got downplayed a lot in the movie, so I was mildly surprised at the chapters where Hagrid nearly quits because of her because I had nearly forgotten about them. Blaise is quoting J. Jonah Jameson from the first Spider-Man movie, by the way. "Vernon Dudley" was Harry's knee-jerk name pick in book 7, so it seemed fitting that he uses it here. Also pretty sure peanut butter as a mermaid bribe comes from a different Harry Potter fic, but I don't remember which one, sorry.
Harry Potter © 1997 J.K. Rowling
The ball ended around midnight, making Harry wonder if anything had turned into a pumpkin and he just hadn't noticed. Everyone staggered to their respective dorms, and Harry and Ron escorted Laura and Emily to their dorms before following the others up to Dumbledore's office.
"I am pretty sure I saw Professor Flitwick crowdsurfing," Harry said on the way up.
"I am too," Remus said. "And since when did you play bass?" he asked Sirius.
"Since never," Sirius told him. "Apparently after a certain point no one cares."
Considering Sirius and the Weird Sisters had somehow turned one misheard line from Santana's "Black Magic Woman" into a screaming rave, Harry was inclined to agree with that assessment.
Harry and Ron slept well into Boxing Day, only finally coming downstairs when the smells of coffee and food tempted them out of bed.
"Mornin'," Ron yawned as he collapsed at the table.
"It is still morning, right?" Harry asked.
"Barely," Sirius said. "So apparently the night life isn't for you boys."
"I mean we did try it."
"Ah, glad to see you two up and about," Percy said chipperly as he passed. "Happy Boxing Day!"
"So long as we don't have to box," Ron decided.
"What is this holiday, anyway?" Harry asked.
"Boxing Day was for the servants to take off and spend with their families," Hermione said, rather pointedly. "They weren't supposed to be working that day."
"Ah," Sirius said—looked at Kreacher. "Which bears asking the question of what you're doing."
"Kreacher is spending his time off as he pleases," Kreacher told him, topping off his coffee mug.
"Well there you go, ta," Sirius said, raising his mug in salute before sipping at it. "Although I think we need to get you a hobby, mate—a real one, not ironing socks."
"Ironing socks is calming," Kreacher insisted.
"Also I am reasonably sure that undergarments don't need ironing."
"Kreacher needs something for when the socks run out," Kreacher said.
"Which is fair but leaves me wondering how you got everything so crisp."
"Kreacher is allowed some secrets."
The start of the semester brought an announcement from Dumbledore at the new term's feast: a scavenger hunt.
"Seeing as how we have these long stretches between tasks and two schools' worth of guests to entertain, we have decided to include a small game for the rest of the students," he declared before waving his wand at his podium. "Revelio."
Several students oohed appreciatively at a golden scroll revealed by that action.
"We have hidden such scrolls all over the school, preferably at places of interest," Dumbledore said. "They will have interesting tidbits about what they are floating in front of, for example this one describes the head table. Each one is worth a point, the student with the highest score will win a special prize. Although of course, you all are special and knowledge is often reward enough."
It didn't stop revelio from being the most-uttered word for the rest of the semester, with Flitwick's office hours frequently flooded by students who either hadn't learned the spell yet or needed a refresher. Harry, Ron and Hermione, of course, were happy to participate in such a non-lethal activity, with Hermione especially taking pleasure in picking apart how the scrolls worked, since one would reveal itself to each student saying it, but wouldn't do so if the student tried again.
The start of the new semester also came with an unpleasant surprise: Hagrid was not teaching Care of Magical Creatures.
"He didn't get sacked, did he?" Harry asked worriedly.
"Don't you read the papers, Potter?" Malfoy demanded.
"Mostly I use them to line bird cages," Harry shot back. "Why? What happened?"
Malfoy looked like he was debating, finally grumbled, pulled a paper out from under his robe and shoved it at Harry without looking at him. "Page three."
Harry flipped to the page, Ron reading over his shoulder—both of them swore vehemently enough that the girls looked over from the unicorn they were petting and the substitute teacher, Professor Grubbyplank, knocked ten points off of Gryffindor for language.
"Who—Skeeter," Harry groused, looking at the byline. "This is all rubbish Hagrid doesn't talk like that!"
"Being half-giant makes sense though," Ron said. "I can understand why he doesn't let that get around."
"Is that a bad thing?" Harry asked Ron.
"Let's just say Muggle perceptions of giants as big, dangerous and people-eating was come by honestly—You-Know-Who employed some during the whole thing he did," Ron said, gesturing vaguely. "The Muggles had to be told it was natural disasters that did it—which, while true, they figured was big storms. Dad told me about some of the cleanup—some houses were flipped clean upside-down, if they weren't totally destroyed."
"But Hagrid isn't like that," Harry pointed out. "Where does this Skeeter woman get off slandering him like this!?"
"Libel," Blaise corrected—when Harry and Ron looked at him: "Slander is spoken. In print it's libel."
"Either way, this is the sort of thing Muggles sue papers over," Harry said, wringing the paper.
"They do what?" Neville asked.
Which required explaining Muggle law as best Harry and the other half-bloods and muggleborns could—by the time class was over everyone had decided that lawyers were most likely all vampires, and Harry really hated that he couldn't refute that belief.
What he could do was constantly try to contact Hagrid, whether by knocking on his door or sending him an owl, talking his friends into sending owls too, both to Hagrid and to the Daily Prophet—the latter letters were him arguing that Hagrid was none of the things Rita Skeeter had said, putting his name as "Vernon Dudley" to avoid them making a mountain out of "the boy who lived" writing in. The Quibbler ran a series of articles on giants and half-giant stigma (Harry had mild concerns that they were counting Roald Dahl's BFG as a credible source, since he was pretty sure wizards knew about fiction), but it all came to a head when he ran into Rita Skeeter on a trip to Hogsmeade and had to be asked to leave the Three Broomsticks for causing a scene.
"And I know it's you!" he had spat at her. "Because those quills don't write junk like that!"
That incident had Hermione marching them back to Hagrid's hut and banging on the door with the threat to blast it down, Malfoy coming round from the Hippogriff pen to ask what was going on and backing up when he saw the state Hermione was in.
That had been entertaining enough, but having Dumbledore open the door on Hermione instead of Hagrid took the cake there.
The good news, though: Hagrid was back teaching next Care of Magical Creatures.
The bad news: smear pieces on Harry and Hermione.
"About getting a wizarding lawyer," Harry said, scowling at the paper.
"Best bet is probably Slytherin table," Ron told him.
Discovering that the second task not only took place in the black lake but involved mermaids prompted a bustling side business for Fred, George, Edmund, Donald, Hubert, and Fergus, doing what they had threatened since second year: selling access to the Slytherin common room.
Harry and Ron had finally had enough of the rumors and nipped down there one afternoon after class, Ross letting them in to show that yes, the Weasley 'quintuplets' plus Fergus had set up several bleachers in front of the windows and were now busy puzzling out how to get proper images in the lake since visuals didn't go very far.
"I mean it's better than what we've got with the 'official' setup," Fred pointed out.
"Oh yes, all that shows is the surface of the lake," George agreed.
"Perhaps Fred and George will give us some insight from when they come back from scoping the lake," Fergus said—looked up at them. "We can't be letting Gryffindors into the Slytherin common room unattended, after all."
"Of course."
Harry and Ron had to exchange glances at that, looked at Fergus. "Ah, we're in Gryffindor," Harry felt compelled to point out.
"You don't even count," Ross pointed out. "The hat wanted to put you in Slytherin, remember? Plus you're a parseltongue, so you're like, an honorary Slytherin, or a Slytherin by proxy."
"Plus Hufflepuffs are in a neutral relation with Slytherin," Fred added.
"So that just leaves ickle Ronnikins lacking a justification for being here," George added.
"I'm Harry's wingman," Ron said. "We decided that before the Yule Ball."
"Fair enough."
"Hmm," Fergus said, eyeing the windows thoughtfully. "Say, wait a moment—what if we enchanted a window so it linked up with a mirror—"
"So whatever shows in the mirror shows up in the window!" George said. "Brilliant! Why didn't I think of that?"
"Yes, Donald, why didn't you think of that?"
"Details," George said, waving that off. "Although it then bears asking who we get the mirrors on—the champions obviously—"
"Pity you ducked out, Harry," Fred said.
In response, Harry pointed at the windows. "They want the champions to go in the Black Lake in February. I am not sorry I dipped out."
"Fair enough. What works with the mermaids for a bribe?"
Everyone exchanged glances, shrugged. "Dinglehoppers?" Emily Dale offered from a nearby table.
"That does sound like something tradeworthy," Fred agreed. "Except I've never heard of it."
"It's from The Little Mermaid—it's a fork."
"Perhaps a whole cutlery set," George mused.
"Or peanut butter," Fergus said. "Something that they wouldn't eat very often."
"Bribery with food often works," George agreed. "Find out and get back to us."
"And we shall start with the window," Fred said, standing.
"Better add a few failsafe charms before we get started, Hubert," George said, standing as well.
Ron stared at them. "Failsafes? Who are you, and what have you done with my brothers?"
"Well let's just say it's hard to correct a mistake when thirty tons of water is crashing in," Fred said—which they all agreed was a point.
The end result was very impressive, Harry had to admit—especially when they learned that the twins had somehow bribed several mermaids to wear enchanted mirrors during the task.
"Peanut butter and marshmallow fluff," George told him when asked. "Apparently both are a big deal because they float."
Harry spent the next several weeks after that reading up on mermaids.