Chapter 59, everybody! FFN is…sort of fixed now, so we're back to posting while also still focusing on getting stuff ported over to AO3. Not saying I don't trust the site to not break again, but….
Moving on—the quote Dean uses is known as Arthur C. Clarke's Third Law. And we once again reference Saphroneth's Harry is a Dragon and That's Okay, very nice fic and it's complete too so that's nice. Also I never get tired of Dumbledore and Luna being in the same room. XD Sirius' theory comes from a Tumblr post I saw on Pinterest, by the way.
Missy96, thanks for the review! Aw, thank you! :D
Wijibo, thanks for the review! Yeah, that went on for like two months, didn't it? Hopefully it's fixed now.
Harry Potter © 1997 J.K. Rowling
The Second Task unfortunately hadn't abated the issue of slander, libel, whatever—Hermione had started getting hate mail, unfortunately, and more than one howler. It had gotten to the point that she and Professor McGonagall had gone to Dumbledore, who set up a drop box for Hermione to avoid any more mishaps like hateful howlers (Harry had asked Blaise next Ancient Runes if it turned to slander if it was a howler, which preoccupied the Slytherin for quite some time) or letters laced with botuber pus.
It was enough to have Harry steaming and stalking around the Black Lake one Saturday, ranting to Snips and Hedwig fluttering along behind him (Snips had joined Hedwig in the air after Harry had started throwing his arms around angrily), to the point that he didn't even notice Luna until she greeted him.
"Luna? Sorry, didn't see you," Harry apologized.
"Yes, you looked rather preoccupied," she agreed, handing him a sandwich. "Throw it, it'll make you feel better."
Harry did so, did so again with the second one she handed him, finally looked at the third one.
"Peanut butter and marshmallow?" he asked.
"They're for the mermaids, although sometimes the giant squid enjoys them," Luna told him. "Sometimes they even put interesting rocks on the shore as thanks—there was one that looked like a gabarook, have you heard of those?"
Harry admitted he didn't, and spent the rest of the sandwich-throwing session listening about gabarooks, which were apparently much like regular rooks except they repeated every bit of gossip they heard.
"Wonder if Skeeter's one," Harry muttered when they had finished.
"Doubtful, they don't much care for print," Luna said.
Harry considered her as they headed back for the castle. "Do you have any theories on her? Dean thinks she's bugging the place, except electronic stuff doesn't work around Hogwarts."
"Bugs are possible," she hummed. "Although I think you and I are discussing two different things."
Now it was Harry's turn to explain to her, describing Muggle spy novels and shows and how they would sneak tiny devices called bugs into phones and rooms to eavesdrop on others.
"I wonder if perhaps Muggles are magic and no one believes it because they don't wave wands and say spells," Luna mused when he finished.
"Sometimes I wonder," Harry said. "Might be something to look into on a slow month."
Luna agreed, and while the next issue of the Quibbler did focus on magical birds, there was a small article about Muggle bugs with the promise that a future issue would delve further into "these mysterious branches of Muggle magic."
Hermione, of course, took offense.
"None of that is magic, though!" she protested. "It's wires and electricity and—"
"'And any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic,'" Dean quoted, passing them with Sean on the way to one of the quads—apparently he had succeeded in getting a football game set up. "We're out here using quills, Hermione—you can't tell me that a ballpoint pen is affected by a magical force field."
"Well if you'd actually read Hogwarts, A History—"
"Real talk, Hermione? Every time you mention that book my desire to read it just dies," Harry told her.
"Hard same," Ron said, turning the issue of The Quibbler upside-down to check his quiz answers. Hermione looked offended, puffing up to counter—
And then an owl Harry didn't recognize landed in front of him, looking around furtively before putting the letter it was carrying down at his feet before flying away.
"What was that about?" Ron asked, watching it fly away.
"I don't know," Harry said, stooping to pick the little letter up.
"Harry be careful," Hermione counseled, worried. "You know what happened with all that hate mail I got."
"I know," Harry said sourly, turning the letter over—just his name written in neat cursive on one side. Held it to Snips, who sniffed at it—opened it when he gave an affirmative yip.
Rita Skeeter is an unregistered Animagus.
Do with this information what you will.
Harry blinked at this, looked around—held it out for Ron and Hermione to read.
"That makes like the fourth person in a year," Ron said. "If I had a knut for every…okay sure I'd have four knuts but it's weird that it keeps happening."
"But wouldn't we have noticed?" Harry asked. "I mean, in retrospect Sirius was kind of obvious but he-who-must-not-be-named was a rat for thirteen years and no one noticed so…."
Hermione snapped her fingers, pointed at Snips pointing at her. "Remember what Dean said about us being bugged?"
"And about how electric stuff doesn't work around Hogwarts?" Ron asked wearily. "We've been over this."
"No but wait—how small can you go as an Animagus? Can you say, turn into a bug? A live one?"
Harry opened his mouth—stopped, looked at Ron, who was coming to the same conclusion—
Snapped his fingers, pointing. "Hermione, you go ask Professor McGonagall—Ron, you get a few other people together and start looking for weird insects—I'm getting this to someone who can do something about it."
"Dumbledore?" Ron asked.
"That was my second choice."
Luna seemed very intrigued by this information.
"An anonymous tip—how mysterious," she observed, looking the paper over. "And no sign of mischief on it—gnargles weren't involved."
"They weren't on my suspect list but okay," Harry said, rubbing his arms. "I was going to take that to Dumbledore, but I wanted your opinion first."
"No, Dumbledore is a good choice."
"I meant, like what could you do with this information, as a reporter?"
"Ah. I could get Fitzherbert and follow you to Dumbledore."
"I guess that works."
Dumbledore seemed very bemused by all this, offered them tea and biscuits before settling down to examine the note.
"Well I can say that whoever wrote this has excellent penmanship," he observed, leaning back a little from his close examination to prod the note with his wand. "And no hidden spells or hexes."
"Any ideas?" Harry asked.
"Unfortunately, no," Dumbledore sighed. "I don't recognize the handwriting, and unfortunately we have yet to have a spell that identifies handwriting—one of these days I would like to devote some time to puzzling out such a spell, but I fear that by the time I have enough spare time to do so I'd probably simply devote it to catching up on sleep."
That seemed fair to Harry.
"Now, of course, we have to address the content of the letter," Dumbledore mused, considering it.
"We hadn't tried talking to it yet," Luna said. "That might work."
"It might—perhaps it's being recalcitrant because we've been talking over it instead of to it. Although accusing someone of being an unregistered Animagus…."
"I mean we do know people who were," Harry pointed out.
"This is true, although it is a serious commentary on her character and bears asking how we find out. If we cast a spell to determine she is one and she isn't, then she can claim assault, and I would much rather be in the papers for something more eccentric."
"Assault is very common in the grand scheme of things," Luna agreed.
"If we can procure the suspected Animagus in animal form—" Dumbledore started—Snips chirped something, Fawkes nodding and chirping something to Quincy, who quickly scribbled something down for Dumbledore to read.
"Ah," Dumbledore noised. "Whimsley?"
A crack, and then there was a house elf in the room. "Master Dumbledore asked for Whimsley?"
"Yes, Whimsley, could you ask the house elves to check the castle and grounds for any Animagi? We can exclude Mr. Sirius Black from this search, if you don't mind."
"Whimsley will see to it," the house elf said, bowing before vanishing with another crack.
"I am never going to get used to that," Ron said.
"I bet having that noise helps let people know they came in," Harry said. "Imagine if they just popped in unannounced."
Ron considered this. "Yeah, that'd probably be worse."
"It's definitely not recommended for those with older hearts," Dumbledore agreed. "Yes Miss Granger."
"I'd like to discuss the welfare of the Hogwarts house elves," Hermione burst.
"Certainly," Dumbledore said, refilling their tea. "That should give us something to do while we wait."
After about an hour (in which Hermione asked pointed questions that Dumbledore answered mildly and the rest of them learned that there was an almost yearly debate between Dumbledore and the house elves over raises "and while I've yet to succeed in raising their pay I'm sure I'm wearing them down") Whimsley returned, holding up a jar for Dumbledore. "We found this bug, sir," he said. "Which according to our magic is an Animagus. Also," he continued, holding up a diadem. "We found this, sir."
"Ravenclaw's lost diadem!" Luna exclaimed—Fitzherbert just about vibrated apart before scribbling with fervor.
"Question," Ron said. "If it's lost, how do you recognize it?"
"Dad's been doing research and trying to recreate it based off of ancient descriptions," Luna said. "I never expected to see the real thing—where did you find it, Mr. Whimsley?"
Whimsley blushed a bit at being referred to as mister. "An elf found it in the come-and-go room. Please do not try it on, we detected evil magic within it."
"Really," Dumbledore said, putting it on his desk and tapping it with his wand. "Ah."
"Ah?" Ron repeated.
"Ah. Whimsley, will you get Professor Flitwick for me? And perhaps Professor Moody, since I'd like an Auror to take care of the unregistered Animagus on school grounds."
"Whimsley will do so," Whimsley said, bowing before vanishing again.
Harry thought the bug looked concerned, but that was small potatoes compared to what was intimated about the diadem. "Professor," he said, throat feeling dry. "You don't think—"
"I try not to on my time off," Dumbledore said. "But in this case I am certain: this is another horcrux."
It took quite a bit of convincing on Dumbledore's part to convince Luna and Fitzherbert to not discuss horcruxes in The Quibbler.
"After we have them all tracked down, certainly, but I'd rather keep this a surprise from certain parties until then," Dumbledore said.
"I'm not sure Dad would give a subscription to You-Know-Who, but we can oblige," Luna said—looked at Fitzherbert tapping at something he wrote. "'If, of course, you give us exclusive rights on the story and keep us abreast of the situation.'"
"How many is this now?" Ron demanded. "The diary, the locket, the diadem—"
"This is only going to confirm Sirius' theory that Voldemort is a moody teenage girl," Harry said. "Which is actually insulting to teenage girls, being compared to Voldemort, but at this point I can't say that Sirius is wrong."
"There's also a problem of a certain someone also overhearing," Hermione said, looking at the jar and its current occupant.
"Yes, that is a problem," Dumbledore agreed. "I'm sure Filius and Alastor will have some ideas as to what to do. In the meantime we'll just keep this lid closed. Incidentally, you may want to call off the bug hunt now."
They were unable to, and by the next week there was officially a bug club in Hogwarts and an article in the Daily Prophet by one Quentin Quillby, the Quick-Quotes Quill formerly known as Rita Skeeter's, discussing her arrest and conviction and Quentin's subsequent taking over of her column.
"I have questions," Ron decided upon learning this news.
"I do too," Harry admitted. "But hopefully he's better at it than Rita was."
As it turned out, Quentin was, and quickly became Harry's favorite columnist after Luna and Fitzherbert.