Survival of the Ed-Est

"So, what are you doing again?" Eddy asked Double-D.

Double-D was sitting at the table in the shack looking over the map and writing notes, "I'm studying the map, Eddy. It happens to be topographical, and I'm trying to learn as much about this alien world as possible."

"Figure out a way we can get home?" Eddy then asked.

Double-D groaned as he rolled his eyes, "No. I. Haven't."

Eddy groaned, "Then why bother with this?"

Double-D took a deep breath, "If we are going to be here for the foreseeable future, I'd rather we be as knowledgeable as possible. For example, there seems to be swampland to the south-"

"Oh great, you want us to go stomping around in the stinky, smelly swamp?" Eddy interrupted.

"Well, maybe not right now, but it is good to have an idea on where other things are if we ever want to leave this town."

"Right, right...isn't there anything useful?"

Double-D looked the map over, "Well, there is some green foliage to the northeast, plus a long river. It's safe to assume there's civilization there."

"Will we make a lot more money there?"

"I can't really say, we have very little information."

Eddy slapped the map, "Then what good is this? I bet Ed is doing a better job with the copper mine!"

"Job's done, Eddy!" Ed announced as he walked back into the shack.

"Speak of the devil, and he appears." Double-D remarked.

Eddy ran over, "Attaboy, Ed! How much did ya make?"

"Oh, I made a lot!" Ed told him.

Eddy looked Ed over, seeing he was carrying nothing but the pickaxe, "Where's my copper, Ed?"

"Oh, it's outside, Eddy."

Eddy grabbed onto Ed's collar, "Dang it Ed, I gave you one job! Mine the copper and gather the ore!"

Ed frowned, "That's TWO jobs, Eddy!"

Eddy pulled back one arm with a pump-action sound effect, "Oh, I'll give you two jobs!"

"Eddy, stop!" Double-D squealed, "The last thing we need is to be fighting each other!"

Eddy got off of one Ed and turned his attention to the other, "C'mon Double-D, you must have figured out some way to make this mining thing easier by now!"

Double-D sighed, "As it just so happens Eddy, I do have some ideas in mind. However, I believe it would be easier to bring them into reality if I had a spot to organize my thoughts and draw up plans."

Eddy pointed at the table Double-D was using, "Just do it there! I need that money!"

"I would rather not. I need an area more organized and sanitary...and hopefully in solitude."

"Dang, you're so needy."

...

The Edboys proceeded to make themselves an RD department. Here's the abridged version:

The trio collected the copper ore with Ed grabbing several, Double-D barely lifting one, and Eddy telling them to move faster.

Ed dropped his handful of copper onto the bar counter, while Double-D's chunk of ore slipped out of his hands and fell onto his left foot. Eddy took the cats the barman traded for them while ignoring the grunts of pain.

Eddy then managed to convince some vagrants who were dwelling in a ruined shack to vamoose in exchange for enough cats to buy a round at the bar.

Ed and Double-D got to work clearing out the ruins while Eddy sat outside, trying to tan.

Finally, the trio fixed up the shack and built Double-D a workbench. Something about it didn't feel right with the sockhatted Edboy, but then he carved the word "WORKBENCH" onto the side, and all was well.

Pretty fast work but give them some credit, they built a treehouse in a few hours and an excavator during one night.

"This work for ya, Double-D?" Eddy asked.

Double-D nodded as he got to work, "Yes! It may take some time to organize my ideas, so go busy yourselves for now."

"Doing what?"

"Well, you could go back to mining."

Ed held up his pickaxe, "Mine the copper!"

Eddy shook his head, "Nah, what's the point if we haven't found an easy way to mine this stuff?"

"In that case, find a way to keep yourselves busy. I need personal space."

"Ooh! Let's go to the city!" Ed cheered.

"What city?" Eddy asked.

"That city nearby, Eddy!" Ed took out the map and pointed at Squin.

"Well…the barman did say it was nearby, it couldn't hurt to visit it." Edd suggested.

Eddy rubbed his chin, "Fine Ed, it certainly sounds like a better idea than just laying around with the drunk vagrants."

Eddy and Ed left the workshop with Edd calling after them, "Be careful!" he then sat down and got to work, "Ah…finally alone in my element."

…

After a not too long trek across the Border Zone, Ed and Eddy found an impressive wall and gate built in between two massive rock formations. The gate was open, and standing in front of it were four peculiar-looking people. They were all a foot taller than Ed at least, their skin were shades of gray, but most striking was that they all had what looked like bones protruding out of their skin and forming what looked like horns in varying shapes and sizes.

One of them, apparently their leader, stepped towards the duo, "You there, flatskin." she spoke.

"Flatskin?" Ed asked.

"Yes, you. Smuggling checks. Remove your gear, flatskin."

Eddy then recalled these people were probably the Shek the Hub's Barman was talking about, "Hey, can I ask ya something?" Eddy asked.

"No." Said the gate guard leader.

Most of the other guards had their massive arms folded, one had a hand on his large sword and glared at Eddy, as if he was begging for a reason to use it. Eddy patted Ed's arm, "Welp, you heard the lady Ed, remove your gear."

Ed smiled, "Okay!" He took off his jacket and handed it over.

After finding out Ed had barely anything but his dirty jacket, the gate guard leader handed it back. "Go in."

Ed put on the jacket as he followed Eddy through the gate and down the street.

"Dang, these people could learn some customer service skills…" Eddy muttered.

"Are we going shopping?" Ed asked.

"Nah, we don't got the cash or cats or whatever the heck they use in this weird world."

Eddy looked around, Squin didn't seem much bigger than The Hub but it certainly looked more lived in. The one street that ran through it even had lampposts. The duo passed by a Shek who grumbled about "outsiders" and "our cities falling" but Ed and Eddy didn't bother to respond to him.

Squin had a police station, two bars, an armor shop, a weapons shop, two large houses for sale, two large destroyed houses for sale, a quaint general store with a little bit of everything for day to day existence, and the last building at the end of the row was a tower with a sign showing a hiker.

Suddenly, a loud, horrible sound rang out. "I'm hungry." Ed complained.

Eddy chuckled a bit, "I bet, c'mon big guy, let's go see if we can find anything to eat."

…

Meanwhile, Double-D had finished up all the designs and diagrams he could think of to make their situation better. Mainly a storage crate the Eds could use to stash copper they - well, Ed and Double-D - would mine.

"Elementary, a simple storage space that even Ed could understand. Now I just need to build it…" Double-D still had the group's cats and figured he'd take a short walk over to the only shop in town to buy materials.

"Well, if it isn't my favorite new customer! What's your poison today?" the Barman asked.

"I was wondering if you had any building materials for…" Edd stopped mid-sentence as he had spotted a book on the counter, "...is that a book?"

"No, it's a coaster." the Barman laughed, "Yeah, it's a book, one of them Tech Hunters traded some for a grog."

"Tech Hunters?"

"Well, they call themselves something more fancy: 'The University of Machinists' but everyone just calls them Tech Hunters."

Edd smiled brightly, "A university? Why, they must be very respected and knowledgeable to earn that title!"

"They're crazy, they risk their lives combing ancient ruins that have become nests for spiders, wolves, and beak things for technology from the First Empire. Then again, they're some of the toughest bastards out there, I've seen one cut down an entire group of Dust Bandits."

"Oh my…so what do they write about?"

The Barman shrugged, "I looked through some myself, but a lot of it is above my paygrade. It's mainly how to build a lot of stuff but I already got everything I could need."

"May I read one?" Edd asked.

"Sure, three-hundred cats."

"Um…I was hoping to borrow it."

Double-D's tongue unfortunately wasn't as slick as Eddy's.

"Kid, this is a bar, not a library. I need the cats to trade for supplies, it's basic economics."

Edd sighed, "Right, I suppose that's fair…oh, and can I get some iron plates?"

…

Back to Ed and Eddy, the two had purchased some dried meat - it was all they could afford - and took a seat at one of the tables. While Ed tore into his meal like a bear, Eddy scanned the bar they sat in. It was the smaller of the two in Squin, which made it easier to spot any trouble and easier to run away when it eventually happened. However, this bar also had a bit of a somber feel to it, and it all came from the group of Sheks sitting around a table who curiously enough had shorter horns that looked as though they were cut.

Eddy rose out of his seat and handed his meat to Ed, "Keep yourself busy big guy, I'm gonna mingle a bit.

"Okay, Eddy!" Ed cheered as he shoved more meat into his mouth.

Eddy slinked over to the table of downtrodden Sheks, two of whom were drowning themselves in booze while one eyed Eddy as he approached, "Looking at my horns, flatskin?" she asked.

Eddy quickly tried to lie, "Er…no?"

The stubby-horned Shek kept staring at him, "Good. Don't. Because I can still prove my worth in battle without them."

Eddy wasn't sure what to say, so he nodded along. The massive sword on the Shek's back indicated as much.

"I have a question for you, flatskin. What do you do if you are outnumbered on the battlefield?" she suddenly asked.

If Eddy was honest, he would proudly state he'd turntail and run like the coward he was. That wouldn't get him much clout though, so he confidently told a lie, "Easy, take out the weaker ones first to divide and conquer!"

The Shek nodded, "Truth. We must even the odds against us when our situation looks bleak. We fight the enemy to the death, and we die with honor on the battlefield."

Eddy nodded along, even though he didn't agree.

The Shek looked down, "But I didn't die. I awoke, surrounded by death, but still alive. They labeled me a deserter, and cut my horns on my return. I'm no longer a warrior, but a servant."

"Wait, what?" Eddy asked, "Well that's a rip off, you survived death just to be punished more?"

The Shek shrugged, "Call it what you like, I would rather not remain here myself…" she looked Eddy over, "You seem different from other outsiders I have met, flatskin. Where are you from?"

It was time for Eddy to do what he did best, scam, "I'm glad you asked, I happen to be a very important person from a very distant country that I need to get back to. My valets and I are new to this land, and could use as many warriors as we can find. If you're interested, you will be paid handsomely when we get back."

It was hard to tell if the Shek believed him or not, "Well, color me intrigued. I'll fight alongside you if you'd have me."

"Sure! What could go wrong?" Eddy turned towards the other Sheks at the table and tried to go for broke, "How about you two? Interested in fighting for me?"

One of the Sheks appeared to have blacked out from all the booze he had drunk. The other opened up his hand, "Hey flatskin, can I borrow three-thousand cats?"

Eddy backed away, "Uh, on second thought, I realized I should regroup with my valets first…" he went over to Ed who was guzzling down a tall glass of water, "Time to go big guy."

"Gotcha Eddy!" Ed said as he got out of his seat.

The Shek following Eddy noticed Ed was much taller than her and Eddy, "Huh, a giant flatskin. Didn't think I'd see one."

Ed noticed the Shek, "Cool! An Amazon!"

"I am a Shek, flatskin." The Shek told him.

"Oh, hi Ashek! My name is Ed!" Ed gestured to himself with a big goofy smile.

"Uh… that was not my name, my name is Ruka." Ruka finally introduced herself. In truth, she was noticeably smaller than most of the Shek soldiers around the town, but I wouldn't tell her that to her face.

"Is that right? My name is Eddy, thanks for asking." Eddy announced.

Ruka looked from Eddy to Ed, "You are obviously much stronger than your lord, yet you follow him?"

"Hey, looks can be deceiving!" Eddy told her, "Ed here follows me around because I know better!"

"Yup, Eddy's the man! He always finds me fun stuff to do!" Ed told her.

Ruka kept her stone face, "...I see."

…

"And…done!" Double-D announced, having completed the storage box for future copper. Satisfied with his work, Double-D turned his attention to the new book he had purchased, "After all that, I believe I've earned myself a bit of leisure time." he grabbed the book and cracked it open to read while he waited for his fellow Eds to return.

Thankfully it was in English and not some alien language Double-D couldn't understand. Then again that was a given, every man, woman, Shek, Hiver, and Skeleton on this mostly desolate rock already spoke English.

Ah wait, I haven't talked about the Hivers and Skeletons yet. Well, maybe we'll meet them in the next chapter.