A Dog-Eat-Ed World - Part One

The trip back to the Hub was uneventful, Ruka barely said a word while Ed trotted along giddy and Eddy kept lying about how important he was. The only time the shek said anything was after Ed had asked if he could touch her sword.

"You'll have to kill me for it, flatskin." Ruka told Ed bluntly.

"Ooh!" Hearing that only made Ed more interested in touching it.

"Hands to yourself, big guy. We still need her." Eddy ordered as he pulled Ed away.

"Okay, Eddy!" Ed opted to pull out his iron club and swing it around.

"...at least he's properly trained." Ruka remarked.

Eddy snickered, "Yeah, we're still working on housebreaking him."

"Blame my parents." Ed joked.

The trio entered the Hub and Ruka stopped in her tracks.

"Hey, why'd ya stop? Our base is over there!" Eddy told her as he pointed towards their shack.

Ruka looked around while alert, "This city used to be part of the Holy Nation?" she asked.

"Yeah, I guess?" Eddy said, unsure himself.

"The ninjas sent them packing!" Ed told her.

"Ninjas…I see." Ruka seemed to calm down a little, she pointed at the remains of a fallen statue, "That statue over there, that ugly thing is in every Holy Nation city."

"Right…" Eddy nodded.

"You didn't know?"

Eddy shrugged, "Uh…like I said before Rook-"

"Ruka."

"Right, listen, my valets and I aren't exactly from around here so uh…we got no idea what the Holy Nation is. Heck, we had no idea what a shek was until today."

Ruka blinked a few times, "So you weren't lying when you said you were from a very distant nation."

"We are from planet Earth! We come in peace!" Ed told her. Eddy then bopped Ed's head deep down into his jacket.

"Don't listen to him." Eddy told her, but then he realized something, "Wait, you thought I was lying?"

"Yes."

Ruka stared at Eddy, not caring that Ed had started bumbling around the city ruins with his head in his jacket, bumping into vagrants and walls.

Eddy smiled nervously and started to sweat, he quickly wiped the sweat away and cleared his throat, "Well, uh, I wasn't! Everything I've said has been completely true!"

"Right…"

Ruka's stoneface expression just made Eddy more nervous. He swallowed a bit of his pride and tried to play the sympathy card, "Okay! I may have exaggerated a little, but we really do need help!"

"Relax flatskin. I didn't want to waste away in that bar until oblivion. You were offering me a chance to use my sword again and I took it."

Eddy let out a relieved sigh, "Whew, good, was worried you'd…wait, what's the catch?"

"Catch?"

"How much money were you going to charge me?" Eddy asked.

Ruka blinked a few times, "I already said I'll fight alongside you. I wasn't expecting to get paid."

Eddy smiled big, "I'll hold ya to that!"

"I'll still need food, and a bed. I won't be good on the battlefield without them."

Eddy's smile shrinked a bit, "We'll discuss that later, uh…let me introduce ya to Double-D." Eddy started walking to the Eds' shack.

"Is he as big as your other valet?" Ruka asked as she followed.

"Nah, but he does a lot of the brain stuff."

"I thought you did that."

"I'm more the Idea guy."

The duo walked into the Eds' shack to see Double-D absorbed in a book. Eddy sneaked up behind him.

"HEY DOUBLE-D!" he yelled.

Double-D leaped out of his seat and onto the divider in the shack, "Eddy! You know I hate that!" he cried out.

"Huh, this flatskin looks scrawny." Ruka commented.

Double-D then noticed the shek, "Huh? Oh, um, hello?"

Ruka didn't greet him back.

Double-D climbed down, "Um, Eddy, who is this?"

"Ruka, this is Double-D. Double-D, this is Ruka, I met her in that shek city me and Ed went to, and we worked out a deal where she helps us get back home."

Double-D observed the shek's figure, "Oh, so you're a shek? Intriguing, is having your horns cut part of your culture?"

Ruka reached for her sword.

Double-D quickly put his arms out in defense, "Oh my, my apologies, I didn't mean to offend!"

Ruka withdrew her hand for now and opted to fold her arms, "I'll forgive you this time, flatskin."

"Getting along great already, Sockhead." Eddy remarked.

"Eddy, may I speak with you for a moment?" Double-D asked, gesturing to behind the divider.

Eddy followed Double-D behind the divider, "What's up?"

Double-D quickly cupped his hand over his mouth and whispered, "Eddy, what exactly kind of deal did you make?"

Eddy shrugged and didn't bother to whisper back, "Way I see it, she just needed an excuse to leave town."

Double-D pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration, "Eddy, must I remind you that we are completely out of our depth here? We can't just blindly trust everyone we come across!"

"Truth. Blind trust is not easily earned." Ruka remarked, having followed the two behind the divider.

Double-D stammered a bit, having his illusion of privacy shattered.

"Relax, flatskin. It is as your lord said, I just wanted to get back into the world and use my sword."

Double-D drank a glass of water and took a deep breath, "Wait, my lord? Eddy, what have you told her?"

Eddy just grinned wide, "Don't worry about it."

Double-D rolled his eyes, "Okay…well, I suppose from what we have learned thus far, we are in a very dangerous land. Having someone with combat experience would be necessary."

"Truth." Ruka said.

"Hold on, where is Ed?" Double-D had finally noticed their simple Ed was missing.

…

While Double-D was making a bad first impression on Ruka, Ed had stumbled his way into the Hub's bar and had somehow made his way into a conversation with a woman who introduced herself as Molly. Molly was a peculiar-looking young woman, she had a dark skin tone - much darker than his friends Rolf or Jonny - and her eyes were a bright reddish orange as if they were on fire. She kind of reminded Ed of a faction named after lizards in that tabletop game he saw ads for in his comic books, the one about a war in space with hammers in the year 40,000.

Unfortunately, he couldn't recall the name of it. War of the Space Hammers? It didn't matter now.

"Used to brew my own rum back when I had the distillery. Beast rum I called it. One glass of that stuff and all Hell broke loose." Molly told Ed.

"Cool!" Ed cheered. He wasn't exactly sure what rum was, but Molly made it sound like a great time.

"One guy even gouged his own eyes out after three glasses of it. It's great stuff. It got me in trouble though and that's why I'm here, I can brew it for you if you hire me, and you'll never have to face bandits, gutters, or priests sober ever again."

Ed kept his goofy smile, "Sounds like fun!"

"Six-thousand Cats. What d'ya say?"

"Oh, Double-D has the money, I'll ask him!" Ed left the bar and ran back to the shack.

"Ah, there you are Ed!" Double-D said.

"Can I have six-thousand Cats?" Ed asked.

"SIX-THOUSAND?" Eddy cried out, "Do we look like we're made of Cats, Ed?"

"No, you look like you're made of meat and water." Ed answered.

"Well, you're not exactly wrong, Ed." Double-D told him.

Ruka just stood back and watched, a bit bemused with this odd trio.

"Hold up, Double-D, did you solve our money issue yet?" Eddy then asked.

"It may be better to show you, follow me." Double-D left the shack and led the group to the makeshift workshop. Inside was a large storage chest that Double-D had labeled "Copper" and patted its top. "The process is elementary, we mine copper and place it in here. It should fit up to one hundred ores."

Eddy was unimpressed, "That's it? That's what we built this place for? Even Ed could have figured that out! That's what we've been doing!"

Double-D offered Ed a pickaxe, "Exactly, now Ed, go mine copper and put it in storage."

Ed grabbed the pickaxe, "Can do!" he cried out as he ran off.

Double-D turned to Ruka, and offered her a pickaxe, "Miss Ruka, could you please assist him?"

Ruka crossed her chest with an arm, "I'll guard him with my life." She then left without the pickaxe.

"I meant to help him MINE! Groan…"

Double-D failed to take in account that Miss Ruka was a warrior, not a laborer. Begrudgingly, he would have to pick up the slack, and went out himself while Eddy followed.

Ed barely needed a bodyguard in general, but right now it was completely unnecessary as aside from the group of four there was barely a soul in sight.

"You really aren't selling me on this storage, Double-D." Eddy criticized.

Double-D then stopped mining and exploded, "Eddy! I am on my last-"

"GIVE US YOUR FOOD!"

Double-D's impending rant was cut short by the sudden arrival of thirteen skinny men and women in rags charging at the group.

There was barely time to react as these starving bandits attacked, Ed and Ruka getting hit by most of their iron clubs. Eddy had somehow managed to slip away from the main fray and broke into a panicked sprint up the road to the north once he noticed two of the bandits were coming after him, not realizing he was running away from the Hub, where it was more safe. The two bandits following him soon gave up the chase and joined back with their group.

Meanwhile, Ruka and Ed had gotten struck down by these hungry maniacs, and Double-D was left with one against thirteen. He froze in place holding his iron club in a defensive stance, and kept hoping he'd wake up from this nightmare as the bandits attacked him.

Ed managed to pull himself out of the daze the bandits put him in, and got up to see Double-D being ganged up on, "DOUBLE-D! I'M COMING!" he cried out. Three of the bandits then turned on Ed and came at him, striking him back down onto the ground.

Ruka was still knocked out and bleeding from her stomach, but fortunately, a traveler in armor had appeared to tend to her wounds. Unfortunately, this traveler was a slavemonger, and more like him were on the way to snatch up new merchandise.

Double-D had noticed the slavemongers and cried out to them, not knowing who they were, "PLEASE! HELP US!"

His cries were ignored, and everything went dark as the bandits clubbed him.

…

Once the adrenaline wore off, Eddy realized he was sitting alone at a bar, unsure how he got there, "What the, hey, what am I doing here?" he asked the barmaid.

"You tell me, you're the only customer I got tonight." the barmaid told him, "You came in here running, so let me guess… bandit attack?"

It then all came back to Eddy. He was giving Double-D a hard time, and then the bandits attacked. And then he ran. And now he was alone. "Oh man…" he groaned.

"Hey, it happens. Did ya get nicked?" the barmaid asked.

Eddy checked himself, he was completely unscathed.

"Wow, you were lucky. Most dregs end up getting killed or enslaved if they get attacked by bandits all alone."

"I wasn't alone, I- wait, what?"

The barmaid shrugged, "You new around here? Oh, you're one of those weirdos that popped up the other day, right? Our guy in the Hub mentioned you. Where are the other two?"

Suddenly a ninja approached from the entrance, "Heads up ma'am, Slave Traders walking past." he told the barmaid.

"They know to keep their business out of here." she told him.

"Yeah, they got a couple of those new weirdos and a shek this time. They look pretty beat up."

"Oh for crying out loud!" Eddy yelled, he sprinted past the ninja and went outside.

On the road, Eddy spotted Ed, Double-D, and Ruka being carried by the Slave Traders over their shoulders like sacks of potatoes. A few of the slavemongers were carrying some of the bandits that had attacked them as well.

Eddy took some careful consideration. He could just run up and strike them, but then he'd probably end up enslaved himself or dead. Outright ignoring them wasn't an option either, because then he'd be completely alone in a hostile world where slavery was alive and well, and not just a thing he ignored in history class. The best option - well, the best available - was to follow the Slave Traders to see where they were taking his friends, and then figure out a way to save them from there.

Hopefully that would make up for him running away when they got attacked.