Chapter 67, everybody! Off to fifth year!
Looked it up and Blaise is assumed to be either pureblood or half-blood, hence Harry's statement. Kinda gotta admit that I sample some of Saphroneth's characterization of Blaise in their fic Harry is a Dragon, and That's Okay, mostly because yeah I like it. Also got Elizabethan and Victorian collars mixed up before, went back and corrected it, sorry.
Understand that whenever I have the "I knew this day would come" exchange I'm referencing an episode of Kim Possible. We're also once again referencing Hogwarts Legacy with the field guide pages—need to get back to that game, what happened I used to have free time. *sob*
Also props to Rowling for nailing what a politician's speech sounds like with Umbridge's opening speech. Controlling education is a Communist tenet and was outlined in a Soviet leader's how-to list of destroying the free world. Titchy I had to look up but apparently it's British slang for tiny. In other news, spending his summer not being kept in the dark and practicing defending himself on top of not seeing one of his classmates die means that Harry's a bit more chill in comparison to canon Harry.
Slytherinsal, thanks for the review! Very true.
Pogonia And Medusa, thanks for the review! Ah good, we agree. :D Snips has some shenanigans lined up this year, don't worry—he wasn't about to take Umbridge lying down.
Juxshoa, thanks for the review! Good question—maybe there's a tech side to the Obliviation team with the Ministry.
Gardengirl6, thanks for the reviews! Yes, all the snark! :D And the twins deciding to settle duels like they did in the old west. XD
Harry Potter © 1997 J.K. Rowling
September first had the usual scramble for everyone to get together and go to King's Cross, Ron, Draco, and Hermione with their badges already pinned to their shirts—on the one hand, Harry wasn't surprised that Hermione had gotten Prefect, but on the other he wondered when on earth she'd ever manage the time to do that on top of her studies.
Ron, meantime, had packed up his film equipment, which Hermione was severely questioning as they went through the barrier onto Platform 9 ¾ proper.
"You know it's not going to work at Hogwarts," she was telling him. "What was that you were telling me last year about no electronic stuff working at Hogwarts?"
"Well you can help me figure it out," Ron shot back. "Besides, some of it isn't super electronic—the film part at least—"
"Wait, does magic affect the strips? I know magnets do—"
"Hi Blaise!" Harry greeted, waving as he recognized the other teen.
"Hey, Harry!" Blaise called back, waving before approaching. "You know you're crazy?"
"No more than usual," Sirius said. "A little bit of madness is important in a growing boy."
"I'm told it's called hormones and they can be grown out of," Remus assured them.
"Now all of you behave yourselves," Mrs. Weasley told them. "No shenanigans." This with her looking directly at Fred and George.
"Sure thing," Fred assured her.
"Can't guarantee how Donald, Edmund or Hubert will act though," George said.
It was well after they left the station and Ron, Hermione and Draco went to the Prefects' car before Harry could turn back to Blaise. "What's this about me being crazy? And how is this different from past years?"
"It's in the Prophet," Blaise said. "They've spent the summer trying to convince everyone you're cracked and Dumbledore is an old fogey."
"I think Dumbledore falls more under eccentric," Luna said, hanging around them over following the remaining Weasleys through the train.
"You should dump the Prophet anyway—we finally did," Harry said. "Took forever to convince Mrs. Malfoy."
"So the Malfoys are living with you guys," Blaise said as they worked their way through the train looking for space. "I'd heard the rumor."
"Well, technically everyone but Mr. Malfoy." Which reminded him. "Also you and I are related."
Blaise gave him such a long look that Harry was finally able to translate the expression as are you for real. "How do you figure?"
"Saw a wizarding family tree this summer," Harry said. Which wasn't a lie. "And basically all pure-blood wizards are related. And half-bloods, possibly. So somewhere back there we're related."
Blaise looked like he was trying to reason through that, finally accepted it. "At best you're like, an in-law—"
"Still counts."
"And you're doing a good job of living up to the cracked description."
"It's usually better to embrace it," Luna said.
"Uh-huh—I'm going to go find people who still talk sense," Blaise said, walking off. "There's got to be someone on this train who qualifies—"
"Hi Neville."
"Hey guys!" Neville greeted brightly, running up to them. "Hey, look what I got for my birthday!"
"Did you kill someone?" Blaise asked, looking at the potted thing. "It looks like someone's kidney."
"I have questions on how you would know that," Harry told him.
"Better you don't know."
"It's called Mimbulus mimbletonia," Neville said proudly, indicating the plant that did indeed look like some diseased organ. "My uncle Algie got it for me—it's supposed to have a bunch of magical properties!"
"Like with potions?" Harry asked, wondering if this would show up in their class this year.
"Maybe—it's got a defense mechanism, hold on—"
"I'm just gonna step in here real quick," Blaise decided, stepping into a loaded compartment—Snips slipped in after him before he shut the door.
About a moment later, Harry regretted not doing the same.
"Sorry—didn't realize it'd be that…well, vehement," Neville said as Harry felt for his wand, unable to see for the stinking goop covering his glasses and most of his face. "Don't worry though—Stinksap's not poisonous."
Blaise slid the compartment door back open. "Well?"
"You made the right decision," Harry assured him after doing Scourgify.
"Yeah I think I'm going to stay in here—bye now."
"So what do you think?" Harry asked as Snips lighted back on his shoulder. "Maybe a component for dungbombs?"
"That could be it," Neville said. "Probably ought to keep this away from Fred and George then…what is that on Snips' neck?"
Harry glanced at Snips. "Well he's been chewing on himself so…we swapped out the Elizabethan collar for a Victorian one, figured it'd be better for his ego."
The way Snips growled at him suggested this wasn't the case.
The highlights of the trip, aside from the Stinksap, was Ron and Hermione finding them and letting them know who the other Prefects were. Ron cited Pansy Parkinson being the other Slytherin Prefect as evidence for his claim that the position was going downhill, but other than that Harry didn't really have any complaints—Ernie Macmillan, Hannah Abbot, Anthony Goldstein, and Padma Patil were all people he knew at the very least incidentally, and he thought they were at least decent picks. Did have to wonder at the logic of Parkinson being picked, though.
Other than that, he had no reason to be concerned about the semester until they arrived and it was Professor Grubbly-Plank escorting the first years instead of Hagrid.
"Wait, what happened to Hagrid?" Harry asked, trying to crane his neck to see as the press of students shuttled them to the carriages.
"The last Skrewt didn't eat him, did it?" Ron asked.
"Pretty sure it didn't." At the very least, Hagrid had been alive and whole enough to send him the newest copy of Fantastic Beasts for his birthday, complete with a bookmark marking the new addition of Blast-Ended Skrewts (which did indeed merit a five in the ranking). "Last I heard he was heading to see Nora again."
"So that's it then," Ron decided as they settled in the coach for the ride up to the castle. "Hagrid decided to go native and live with the dragons. I knew this day would come."
"You knew this day would come?" Neville asked, concerned.
"Yeah—Charlie's been threatening it for years."
"I'm sure dragons have a complex society," Luna said. "It's just that they don't want wizards finding out about it."
"There's a Quibbler issue about it, I'm sure."
"Speaking of, I have questions about the issues this summer," Neville said.
"The Dementor one or the dinosaur one?" Luna asked.
"Well starting with the Death Eater one, but yeah."
"Well the good news is, we're here," Hermione said, peering out the window at Hogwarts. "So we're relatively safe now."
"Where we've had secret chambers, Dementors, tournaments," Ron listed.
"We also have Dumbledore."
"That does make a difference," Harry agreed as they filed up the stairs.
"Ron—Ron you can leave that with the luggage—"
"Nuh-uh," Ron said, keeping his camera case glued to his side. "Until I get it to my dorm myself this doesn't leave my side."
"Honestly."
"What is that anyway?" Neville asked.
"Camera," Ron said. "Hermione's gonna help me get it to work here."
"No I won't," Hermione said.
"Like you're really going to pass up the opportunity to perform an impossible bit of magic."
"He's got you there," Harry told her.
The sorting hat's song joined Hagrid being missing on the list of concerns tallying up for Harry, as was the squat toad sitting at the teacher's table.
"That's Umbridge!" Harry said when he recognized her. "She was at my hearing—what's she doing here?"
"I saw in the Prophet that Fudge passed a new law giving him the power to appoint a Hogwarts teacher if Dumbledore couldn't find one," Hermione told them. "That might be why the letters went out so late this year."
"Sounds like overreach," Ron said, stretching before admitting defeat. "Pass the potatoes."
Picking this apart lasted until after dessert, when Dumbledore stood and ran them through all the usual bits of announcements for the new semester.
"Furthermore, after the success of the scroll hunt last year, we have decided to revisit the concept with field guide pages this year," Dumbledore said. "There will be pages flying around that you can gather in the field guide binders included with your letters this year. You can collect them with the summoning charm—Professor Flitwick has informed me that he generally teaches this charm starting in fourth year, so if anyone from the younger years wishes to participate, Professor Flitwick's office hours are—"
"Are?" Ron echoed, as stumped as most of the hall at Dumbledore cutting off—Harry followed Dumbledore's line of sight to see Umbridge, had to take a few beats to realize she had stood up.
A few more baffled beats when Dumbledore ceded the stage. "May I introduce Professor Dolores Umbridge, the new Defense teacher."
"Thank you for that stirring speech, headmaster," Umbridge simpered. "And for the introduction—it's so nice to be back at Hogwarts, and to see so many happy young faces!"
Harry looked around and decided that she must be looking at an entirely different hall—no one seemed happy at having the treasure hunt announcement derailed, nor being talked to like they were just starting kindergarten.
After the first few minutes of the wandering speech, however, Harry decided that several others had the right idea of sleeping off dinner—he distracted himself by looking at how everyone was reacting, could maybe count on one hand how many people were actually paying attention (the teachers didn't count, he was pretty sure there was a professional courtesy thing there). Hermione he could get, she could stay awake through Professor Binns' classes, but she looked plenty furious as she listened.
"That cow," Hermione hissed as the teachers started clapping and Umbridge sat down.
"UHWAH I'm up what'd I miss?" Ron squawked, startling upright.
Hermione glared at him. "Couldn't you at least try to pay attention?"
"Hermione I spent that whole speech looking at everyone else," Harry told her. "You and maybe four other students were the only ones beside the teachers actually paying attention."
Hermione grumbled something that was probably disparaging under her breath before inhaling. "The Ministry is trying to take over Hogwarts!"
"Why would they want to do that?" Harry asked.
"Didn't you pay attention to history in primary school?"
"I was…kind of encouraged to underperform in primary school," Harry said, grimacing.
"Why—oh," Hermione said, cottoning on. "It's a tactic dictators use—if you can control the mindset of the young generation, then you can control where the populace goes. And with Dumbledore specifically saying that You-Know-Who is back, and Fudge not wanting to believe that—"
"I still don't get that," Harry said.
"Fudge isn't even remotely ready for a threat like that, and he doesn't want to be a wartime minister," Hermione said. "I don't doubt he—oh bother. Ron, get up."
"Why, what are we looking at?" Ron asked, looking around.
"We have to escort the first years!"
"Oh. Oh. Uh, right—come on, you midgets! Up this way!"
"Ron!"
"Well they are kind of titchy, aren't they?"
"You are supposed to be setting an example. First years this way!"
"First year Gryffindors," Harry clarified when he spotted some kids wandering over from the Hufflepuff table. "If you were sorted in Hufflepuff you have to follow Ernie and Hannah over there."
"What, they're wandering already?" Ernie asked, hustling over.
"I forgot I had to be specific," Hermione sighed.
"Congrats on making Prefect, Ernie," Harry told him as he gathered up the Hufflepuff first years.
"Thanks!" Ernie said, puffing up. "Was a nice surprise—hope I can live up to it. Come on, first-year Hufflepuffs, got to show you how to get in our dorm!"
"And tell them about the kitchens."
"That too, I'll point it out to you on the way. Come on!"
"Right—Harry will you carry this for me?" Ron asked, handing his camera case to Harry. "Turns out I'm gonna need both hands for this."
"Got it," Harry said—noticed the way some of the first years were staring at him. "Hey if you feel this way about fifth years there's no way you'll be able to handle seventh years."
"You go on ahead, Harry," Hermione said, counting off heads. "Password is Mimbulus mimbletonia—"
"It is?" Neville asked, sounding like Christmas had come early. "That's great! I can remember the password for once!"
"Great—we can go test it out, come on," Harry said, carting Ron's camera case.
Honestly, things were going pretty well until that little blowup between him and Seamus.