On the Open Ed

The Eds along with their squad of Ruka, Beep, Crumblejon, and Shryke left Mongrel and headed down the road west to escape the Fog Islands, Ed carrying Shryke as she froze up the second they heard screaming coming from the fog. Thankfully, there was no attack from Fogmen, and the fog was soon gone from sight.

As they traveled on a vague road, Ed started singing. "On the road again! Sing it with me, guys! I can't wait to get on the road again!"

"What even is that?" Ruka asked.

"Road music!" Ed cheered.

"I do not care for it. Stop."

"Can I whistle?"

"No."

"Well, can I hum it?"

"No!"

"What if it was about swords and heads being chopped off?" Ed suggested.

"Hmmm, approved, but relent with the high pitch."

"No way, you don't want to hear Ed's take on Viking Metal." Eddy told her.

"Look!" Double-D pointed ahead, and the group saw a large body of water.

"That's the coast of Dreg." Shryke told them.

"Is it safe to swim in?" Double-D asked, "I haven't taken a bath or shower all week, and I'd like to at least wash off."

"It should be…" Shryke looked at Ed, "Uh, could you let me go, please?"

"Okay!" Ed let go and Shryke fell onto the ground.

Eddy tossed off his clothes and club, "Last one in moves to Detroit!" he screamed as he jumped into the water.

"What's Detroit?" Crumblejon asked.

Double-D paused, "Um…"

"BELLY FLOP!" Ed cried out as he launched himself belly-first into the water.

This caused a massive wave that quickly grabbed the others and pulled them into the water as they all screamed.

…

A bit later, after a swim, night fell as the group huddled around a campfire, the Eds having told their story to the rest of the squad.

Crumblejon rubbed his chin in deep thought, "...let me see if I got this right. You three boys are apparently from a world called…Ert?"

"Earth." Double-D corrected.

"Right, and from what you believe, this is nowhere near your Earth due to the…you said that's a planet and a moon up there?"

"Yes. I theorize this may be a moon as well considering its proximity to a larger celestial body."

"And all three of you happened to just…show up in the Hub a week ago, which is smack dab in the middle of contested land, with your last memories being in some…cul-de-sac in a town with peaches and creeks?"

"Peach Creek was the name of the town!" Eddy told him.

"It is home sweet home!" Ed added.

Crumblejon was quiet for a moment, "...you know, this is a new one for me. I've never heard of Earth before."

"Neither have I." said Shryke.

"Same here." said Ruka.

"Beep." said Beep.

Crumblejon threw up his arms, "But honestly? If it was just one of you saying all this, I'd say you had gone insane."

"We aren't insane, gramps!" Eddy protested.

"Clean out your ears, shorty! I didn't say you were!"

Eddy glared at him, "Shorty?"

Crumblejon grinned, "Yeah, you're short, I'm old, but if we want to keep pointing out the obvious, we'd be here all day."

Before Eddy could yell a retort, a large group of people approached.

"Company!" Ed called out.

These people were scrawny, wore green face and body paint, and all carried metal poles.

Crumblejon grabbed his fragment axe, "Cannibals! Run for it!"

"Cannibals?" Double-D asked.

"RUN, SKINNY!" Crumblejon yelled.

Everyone grabbed their weapons and booked it, running southwest along the coast.

"Why don't we just fight them?" Ruka asked.

"There's at least twenty of them, and I'm not going to be their dinner!" Shryke told her.

"Where are we running, gramps?" Eddy asked.

"Away from them! There should be a Hiver village nearby!" Crumblejon told him.

Beep suddenly stopped, "No! Beep is not allowed!"

Ed grabbed Beep, "I won't let you be cannibal food!"

The squad got a lot of distance away from the cannibals and ran right into the Hive village. They had gotten away from danger once again and were now surrounded by a group of Hivers.

"Hello humans!" One of them greeted, "Welcome! Please, buy something! Trade with us!"

"Ooh, a horn-human too! Hello!" one of them greeted Ruka.

"I am a proud Shek." Ruka corrected.

"Yeah, a horn-human!"

Double-D smiled, "Wow, the Hive people sure are friendly!"

Shryke whispered to him, "Don't fall for it. They're adorable, sure, but they can be awfully deceitful."

"Is everyone still alive?" Crumblejon asked.

"Give us some credit, gramps, we've been running from our problems our whole lives." Eddy proudly stated.

"Yep! We can run really fast, right Beep?" Ed asked.

But Beep wasn't there.

"BEEP?" Ed asked, looking around. He saw all the Hivers but none of them with a katana like Beep had.

"Did anyone see where he went?" Eddy asked.

"He didn't seem keen to be among his kind." Double-D observed.

"I don't blame him. Stray Hiver drones tend to be driven out by the Hive." Crumblejon explained, "Hell, that's how Emperor Tengu got Eyegore."

"I will find him!" Ed announced as he ran off.

"Ed, wait!" Double-D cried out.

"Relax Double-D, Ed will just run right back if there's any trouble." Eddy told him.

"Yes, no need to worry, Ed is very strong." Ruka agreed.

Eddy turned his attention to the Hive traders, "Now…what do these bug people got?"

Ed found Beep not too far away, squatting under a massive sheet of iron from a long-forgotten structure.

"Beep?" Ed asked.

"Beep." Beep answered.

"Why'd you run away?"

"I'm not welcome. Hive has no use for Hiveless."

"Aren't you one of them?" Ed asked.

"No. Beep is Hiveless. Before that, Beep was defective. Beep is not one of them. Beep is alone."

Ed teared up a bit, "Aw, you're not alone, Beep! Ed is here to be your friend!" With that, Ed gave Beep a hug, crushing the bugman.

"Friend?"

"Yeah! If you want!"

"Sure!"

Ed hugged Beep tighter, "Yay!"

"Being friends hurts."

…

Back to the rest of the group in the Hive village, Double-D had purchased first aid kits as the group barely had any bandages. Some extra clothing had also been purchased, and Eddy spent the last of their money on cloth and luxury goods.

"Eddy, tell me again where you got all this money?" Double-D inquired.

Eddy sneered at him, "Didn't I tell you a hundred times already? Me, Ruka, Ed and Beep helped the Mongrel ninjas deal with those fog people."

"Is this true, Ruka?" Double-D asked.

Ruka nodded, "It sure is, flatskin."

Double-D groaned, "Okay then, why are you buying all those things?"

"I saw this stuff being sold for more in that Shek town!" Eddy told him.

"Squin." Ruka corrected.

"Yeah, there. It's simple economics Double-D: we buy stuff where it's cheap in bulk, sell it where it's pricey, and make a profit!"

Double-D was a bit perplexed, "...I'm surprised you know the word 'economics' Eddy."

Eddy glared at him, "I know things! Why does that shock you?"

"Well, given your academic record…"

Eddy scoffed, "As if any of that junk applies to the real world."

"A lot of it does if you pay attention."

"Right, as if school can teach anyone that if you buy something when it's ten percent off and sell it elsewhere, you're looking at least a profit of ten percent than what you started with. Or more if you mark the price up."

Double-D threw his arms up, "That's Math, Eddy!"

Eddy rolled his eyes, "...sure Double-D."

Crumblejon rubbed his chin, "Honestly, I'm surprised you boys are educated. Here, that's reserved for nobles or the Tech Hunters."

Double-D turned to Crumblejon and Shryke, "There isn't public education here?"

Shryke shrugged, "Education is a luxury, though everyone at least knows how to read, either to read The Holy Flame or to read out orders given to them."

"Usually, kids are born or sold into slavery and work on farms or in mines once they're old enough to work. Sometimes they're trained from childhood to become soldiers, like me." Crumblejon added.

"Holy cow." said Eddy.

"That's…that's just horrible!" Double-D told them.

Crumblejon shrugged, "It's just part of life. Isn't there slavery where you're from?"

Double-D shook his head, "Slavery was abolished in our country over one hundred and fifty years ago! It's abhorrent!"

"A country with no slavery? Sounds like a fantasy world." Crumblejon remarked.

"Yeah, even the Shek Kingdom has slavery in the form of servants." Ruka added.

"And the Hivers could be considered slaves to their Hive if you think about it too much." Shryke suggested.

"Uh, so for clarification, any race gets enslaved here?" Eddy asked.

"Pretty much anyone who looks poor does." Crumblejon pointed out, "Money is the great equalizer in the United Cities. But in the Holy Nation-"

"We've gone over the Holy Nation before, less said the better." Double-D told him.

Crumblejon scratched his chin, "You know, after the heat dies down, you boys may want to consider settling there."

"Why would we want to do that?" Double-D asked.

"For the three of you, who have almost zero combat experience, living in the Holy Nation would be a lot safer as long as you smile and nod with the priests. Plus, it's one of the very few places on the continent where you can grow a decent crop."

Eddy scoffed, "Yeah right, I ain't drinking any of their Kool-Aid."

"What's…cool aid? Some sort of drink?" Shryke asked.

Double-D nervously chuckled, "Uh, yes, but Eddy is referring to a…something bad.

"Does it taste worse than grog?" Ruka asked.

"Uh, I do not know, but it's definitely more lethal in this context. Moving on…"

"Well, if you boys insist on risking your lives, I suggest you learn how to defend yourselves better." Crumblejon told them.

"And who's gonna teach us, gramps? You?" Eddy asked.

Crumblejon shook his head, "I'm a warrior, Shorty, not an instructor. Most of what I know about combat comes from muscle memory, and I'm out of practice."

Eddy shrugged, "Whatever, I don't need to know any of that, I got Ruka."

Ruka nodded, "That's right!"

Crumblejon looked Ruka over, then looked back at Eddy, "You've got an inexperienced, hornless washout, who's only redeeming quality is that big sword she can barely wield."

Ruka went stiff.

Eddy got up in Crumblejon's face, "SHE CAN USE IT JUST FINE, OLD MAN!" he screamed with his mouth morphing to be far bigger than his body.

Crumblejon was stunned at the display of physical impossibility.

"How did he do that?" Shryke asked Double-D.

Double-D shrugged, "Your guess is as good as mine."

Crumblejon cleared his throat and turned to Ruka, "Okay, I'll admit, that was too harsh. Forgive me for being so blunt."

Ruka closed her eyes, "In truth, I have not fought in many battles, and I have fallen in nearly every one..."

Crumblejon patted her shoulder, "You are still alive. You will get stronger. You are a Shek! You're younger and in better shape than me, you'll probably even surpass the warrior I was if you set your mind to it!"

Ruka opened her eyes and nodded, "Thanks, old flatskin."

At that point, Ed approached the group while carrying an unconscious Beep, "Hey guys! I heard Eddy scream and came running, everything okay?" he asked.

"What happened to your little Beep friend?" Shryke asked.

"Oh, I hugged him too hard, and he got all sleepy." Ed explained.

Shryke took a few steps away from Ed.

Double-D nervously laughed, "Everything is fine, right Eddy?"

Eddy gave Ruka and Crumblejon a look and shrugged, "Yeah, whatever."

"So…where are we heading again?" Shryke asked.

Double-D pulled out the map, jotting down the location of the Hive Village, "Well Miss Shryke, I believe since Eddy took the liberty to buy goods that sell well in Squin, we should head there next."

"We could also try the Shek capital of Admag, it's a bit closer." Ruka suggested.

"And where is that on the map?" Double-D asked.

"It should be south of the river in Vain." Ruka traced along the long river.

Double-D gave a nervous smile, "Uh… that's quite a large area to search. Let's just head southeast to Squin, and we'll stop there if we come across it first."

"Alright people, let's go! Time is money and I hate wasting money!" Eddy ordered.

"Could've fooled me." Shryke secretly snarked to Double-D.

Double-D chuckled a bit.

The group started to head out, but Crumblejon stopped them, "Wait. Eddy, right? Before we head out, I need to tell you something."

Eddy glared at him, "What is it?"

"Please Eddy, we can't keep getting at each other's throats." Double-D told him.

"Yeah! It would make it hard to swallow!" Ed added.

Crumblejon gave Eddy a good hard look, "Honestly, out of all three of you, you have the most potential."

"What?" Eddy asked.

"Come again?" Double-D asked.

"Potent!" Ed announced.

"You're tough, and it isn't just an act, you look like you've been beaten down by whatever world you came from your whole life and kept getting back up to spite it. That kind of tenacity can make real changes on this continent, so why not take advantage of it?"

Eddy shrugged, "As if I need to. I just want us to get back home, that's all. I don't care what happens to this stupid desert continent."

Crumblejon shrugged, "That's fair, I suppose, but say you won't be able to get back to the world you came from for a long while, or even if ever, wouldn't you rather have a backup plan if things don't go your way?"

Double-D frowned, "I don't like the implications you're giving."

Ed suddenly seemed to realize what Crumblejon was saying, "Are we stuck here forever?"

Crumblejon shook his head, "All I'm asking is if you three ever thought of the possibility that you may never be able to get back to that Peach Creek of yours."

Eddy waved him off, "There's no need, we'll find a way back."

"You sound so sure of that."

Eddy shrugged, "I mean, yeah? That's the only way this stupid story ever ends."

Crumblejon raised an eyebrow, "Story?"

"Oh please, don't get him started." Double-D advised.

"We broke too many walls already." Ed winked at you, the readers.

"Uh…are you winking at me?" Shryke asked Ed.

Ed grinned smugly, "In your dreams!"

Crumblejon sighed, "You know, you three are the nuttiest chumbos I've ever met. I'm pretty sure if I stay with you, I'll either die horribly or end up in a prison cell somewhere."

"You can always just go back to Mongrel, gramps." Eddy told him.

"I can carry you there myself." Ruka added.

Crumblejon shook his head, "No way, this is far more exciting. This old sword was rusting way too long in that dismal place, and I'm now fully invested in whatever crazy crap you kids are dragging me into."

Shryke rubbed her head, "Well…I certainly hope we can avoid dying. Or worse, enslavement."

Eddy snickered, "Relax Rubilocks, whatever crazy stuff this world has to offer, it's got nothing on us Eds! We're tougher than the toughies, and smarter than the smarties!"

Double-D rolled his eyes, "Now if only you could focus on making money fair and square, we'll be golden."

"Off we go! Adventure ho! Allons-y!" Ed cried out.

And with that, our group of adventurers headed southeast into the land of Vain, a land with more Hiver Villages but also one that contained Beak Things. A horrible monstrosity that the Eds are blissfully unaware of at the moment.

"Ooh! Let's sing a song!" Ed cheered, "We're a thousand miles from com-"

Eddy put a hand over his mouth, "No way Ed! We aren't turning this into a musical!"

"Also, we couldn't get the rights." Double-D added.

Too bad, that song would've been perfect for this story.