Chapter 70, everybody! Brace yourselves, Harry's figured out political doublespeak and he got his friends in on it.
So heads up, if any institution doesn't provide the related literature for you to read or has "unwritten" rules (i.e., "we have to pass the bill to know what's in it"), then that's a big red flag don't trust them. Fortunately, Ron has family in the Ministry. Also the first ten or so educational decrees we never see so we can pretend that one or two was actually kind of sensible. And in Lee's case…Civil War, Robert E. Lee and Ulysses S. Grant, although I'm not sure how much American history is covered in other countries despite my studying world history in school and therefore learning an awful lot about British and European history (I remember a year or two ago how baffled some people were that I knew of the Children's Crusade and the Polish mass graves from WWII).
Gardengirl6, thanks for the reviews! Thank you, glad you like my humor! :D
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Harry Potter © 1997 J.K. Rowling
Harry filled Hermione and Ron in on his plan, and they spent the next week doing as much reading as they could. Ron, meanwhile, also wrote Percy on Ministry stuff, requesting that he, as Ron put it, "nerd us." Percy accused him of making fun of his position but obliged. The end result was the three of them prepped for next Monday.
Umbridge zeroed in on Harry that Defense class. "Finally decide to join us, Potter?" Waited for a response. "Mr. Potter."
"Sorry," Harry said. "But as per your motion in…eighty-seven, I think? You proposed that wizards not interact with non-magical folk, be they Muggles or squibs. Since you're not advocating for the use of magic in your class, that therefore renders me non-magical, as per our last conversation. So in us speaking you're actually in violation of your own proposal."
Umbridge looked like she was fuming again already. "Detention, Mr. Potter."
"Actually, since Hogwarts is for witches and wizards and you have thusly rendered me neither, you can't actually assign me detention," Harry pointed out. "Matter of fact, as I said last week, there really is no purpose for being here other than to keep you from marking me tardy. And if you do, I'll just walk out again since then there really isn't a reason for me to stay," he pointed out as she got ready to mark him.
"Fine," she spat. "Anyone else have any smart remarks to make?"
Hermione hesitated before raising her hand.
"Yes, Miss Granger?"
"I've read the book."
"Excuse me?"
"I've read the book. Cover to cover."
"How long you think that took her?" Ron asked Harry in an undertone.
"Probably the day she got it," Harry whispered back.
"Well then," Umbridge said waspishly. "You can tell me what Slinkhard said about counterjinxes in chapter fifteen."
"Slinkhard thinks that the term 'counterjinx' is a misnomer," Hermione reported. "That it was just a term people used to make their jinxes sound more acceptable. But I disagree."
"Do you now?"
"Yes. Slinkhard made his disdain of jinxes clear, so he can't exactly speak on them with any sort of impartiality, can he? Especially when you cross-reference books like A Brief History of Defensive Magic, which explains that counterjinxes rose up as a response to jinxes, or Against the Dark Arts, which points out that countercurses cancel out curses, and thus by that logic counterjinxes serve a similar purpose."
Umbridge was a color Harry usually saw on Uncle Vernon. "Are you quite finished?"
"I have several other examples I could cite, if you'd like."
"I would not. I am the teacher here, not you, Miss Granger, and it will be Slinkhard we will be following, not books that haven't been Ministry-approved!"
"Question," Ron noised, raising his hand. "What qualifies as Ministry-approved?"
"I would think the term would be obvious, Mr. Weasley."
"Like how the term counterjinx is obvious?" Ron countered. "If you expect us to study that term, then it stands to reason you can explain Ministry-approved reading to us."
Umbridge pursed her lips at that. "It would be literature that the Ministry has approved for educating students."
"Notwithstanding the extra reading we could do on our own in the library or by purchasing books from a bookstore?" Ron asked. "Where's the list?"
"Excuse me?"
"The list of Ministry-approved reading. Where is it, how do we read it?"
"That is none of your concern."
"And yet you want to teach us from it, so it is our concern. For you to be pulling from this list, then the list has to exist in written form as per Educational Decree number eight, to provide the utmost transparency to both students and parents. Also pretty sure a report concerning the issues with a lack of transparency crossed the Minister's desk recently—something about how not having transparency only sows discord and distrust."
Umbridge was now one of Vernon's danger colors. "Where did you hear that?"
"Turns out if you write the Ministry, not everyone says shove off," Ron said, pulling out a sheet of parchment. "Matter of fact, they're happy to provide the list to you if you ask. I'm guessing you're pulling off a recently revised version that somehow didn't get into Ministry records yet—yeah Slinkhard's on the list but so are the books Hermione just cited."
Umbridge had apparently had enough. "Detention, all three of you!"
"For?"
"For disrupting the class!"
"Technically all we were doing was asking for clarification and providing our sources when asked. Isn't the point of teaching to ensure that students have an understanding of the material being taught? The—oh what's the ten-galleon word Hermione prompt me—onus. The onus of providing clarification is supposed to be on the teacher. That's you. I don't feel you've cleared anything up yet."
Several students agreed with this.
"Therefore by the definition set forth by the Ministry…this technically isn't a class, so we're not obligated to be here," Ron concluded.
"Which means this is where we leave you," Harry said, packing up and heading for the door. "Since we don't want to waste the valuable time of a Ministry official."
Which once again ended with Umbridge with an empty class.
"Again? Seriously? You're making Slytherins look bad."
"Technically I'm making Gryffindors look bad," Harry pointed out.
"Yes but this is twice now you've led a walkout on a class," Ross complained. "And then this last time—this is why you didn't make Gryffindor Prefect, that was some serious Slytherin rule-wrangling."
"Technically we can thank Percy for the bulk of the work," Ron said. "That doesn't get back to Umbridge, by the way."
"Oh trust me, I'm not telling her anything."
"What are you doing here?" a younger Slytherin demanded of them, making them all look up from their homework.
"Hanging out," Ron said.
"Also homework," Harry said.
"I invited them, Noel," Blaise said, not looking up from his Runes homework.
"But they're Gryffindors! They're from another house!" Noel said, gesturing around at the Slytherin common room.
"Harry doesn't count, he can speak Parseltongue so he's like, an honorary Slytherin," Ross said. "Not sure what Ron's excuse is."
"I have a brother in Slytherin," Ron said. "Sometimes."
"Using me as an excuse, ickle Ronniekins?" Fred asked as he passed them.
"What's your plan for next year when they all graduate?" Fergus asked.
"That, I don't know," Ron said. "But by then we'll be NEWT students so we can argue that we don't really care anymore."
"I mean we don't really care now," Harry pointed out. "Plus this is the only dorm where you can see the mermaids."
"Mermaids?" Noel asked.
"You haven't told her about the mermaids yet?"
"Usually we wait for the first years to discover them on their own," Ross said. "Apparently it's a tradition."
"There's not really mermaids," Noel demanded of Blaise.
"I mean there's giant snakes and three-headed dogs and sphinxes and pegasi and dragons and hippogriffs," Harry said, listing them off on his fingers.
"And gnomes and ghouls and house elves," Ron added.
"So really, mermaids are sort of par for the course—you ought to take Care of Magical Creatures starting third year, I'm reasonably sure we won't have to study Skrewts again."
"Oh please, never again," Blaise said, shuddering.
"What are Skrewts?" another first-year asked.
"We don't know, we're not sure we want to know, we don't like them and they don't like us," Ron told them. "Hagrid started off with like fifty of them at the start of our last year and by the end of that year there was only one left."
"They made it into the new edition of Fantastic Beasts," Harry said. "Hagrid sent us a copy."
"It got five stars."
"Is five stars good?" Noel asked.
"Five stars means extremely dangerous, will try to kill you."
"On the positive side, after the Skrewts anything looks tame," Ross said. "Dragons, even."
"That's the game," Ron decided. "Hagrid covered Skrewts so when he pulls out a dragon we won't even bat an eye."
"I mean he does have Nora, that's a possibility," Harry pointed out.
"True—hey Lee, what are you doing here?"
"Oh I'm Lee's brother, Grant," Lee Jordan said, heading to join Fred, George and Fergus at a table by the windows.
"Like how Fred and George have Donald, Edmund, and Hubert?" Harry asked.
"See? You're learning."
Their first Care of Magical Creatures class, however, had a nasty surprise.
"Oh no, what did Skeeter write this time?" Harry asked upon seeing Professor Grubbly-Plank.
"Cute, Potter," Professor Grubbly-Plank said. "According to Dumbledore Hagrid's off on an extended vacation, he'll be back when he gets back."
"Extended vacation?" Harry echoed, looking at Ron.
"Ten knuts says the dragons elected him their leader so now he can't technically leave Romania," Ron said.
"So Luna was right," Harry decided.