TW/CW: This chapter contains descriptions of a medicated abortion, the section containing descriptions are tagged. As with the previous chapter if you are sensitive to this topic and need to skip past that component there are no plot critical points after the Trigger Warning below.

Chapter 72*

Aria's POV*

"Aria?" an unexpected male voice questioned me, causing me to turn around.

Standing across from me on the sidewalk of the building was Ezra.

Ezra was standing in front of me. Confusion and hurt on his face. I didn't understand. Not any of this. His upset was so out of context. And strange enough, why would he be here? I guess it was possible that he didn't have health insurance right now, since he was his own employer, and that he was coming here for public health care. But it seemed so strangely coincidental.

"What are you doing here?" he asked me.

I didn't understand. Why would he need to know what I was doing when we weren't dating? I thought things had ended fairly definitively when we spoke at The Brew.

"We aren't dating." came out of my mouth.

My tongue felt thick when I spoke. And I logically knew that wasn't the right thing to say. It didn't answer his question. But as his gaze flickered to the name printed on the door behind me, the look of understanding that spread across his face made it seem like maybe it had.

"What are you doing here?" he asked again, his tone deeper and far more sinister than I could ever remember hearing it.

Ezra wasn't really someone who got angry very often. Of the two of us, I had always been the angry and emotional one. Right now it felt like we had swapped roles. There was cold fury in his gaze as he looked at me. It reminded me of when Jake had tried telling me that Ezra was yelling at someone, and slamming things. It didn't seem to match with who I knew he was. Who I thought he was, at least.

"How could you do this, Aria?" he was accusatory, voice colder than I had heard from him before. "I thought you were better than this."

I didn't know how to respond. The judgement and self-loathing that I had tried to hold back was threatening to rise up. It cracked the glass pane that separated me from my feelings, and I know that my body tensed at the intensity of it. His mouth was twisted in a snarl, and his face was flushed with anger. It was so sudden that when he took a step towards me, I flinched back.

I recognized that hatred and disgust in his face. I had seen it before. On Charles' face. Nostrils flaring as he looked down at me. No, that wasn't right. It had been on Andrew's face. The way that he despised me. Like I was lower than gum on the bottom of his shoe. Nice toxic dumps had been his comparison.

"Hey, man, this isn't any of your business." Jason moved in front of me, his tone brooking no argument.

I watched from behind Jason as Ezra face twisted further, his nostrils flared like he smelled something rotten, body stiffening with anger, and with distant concern I watched as his fists clenched into balls. The look of pure loathing he aimed at Jason surprised me, despite the distance from my feelings that I was still at.

"Fuck off" Ezra snarled at Jason, his gaze burning past Jason towards me. "When my ex-girlfriend kills my baby I think it's my business."

I watched Jason's back tense as he stood to protect me. Like he was readying for a fight. I didn't want to watch this. Didn't want things to come to blows. Didn't want him to get hurt. My body was frozen, the fear center taking over and locking down every muscle. To try and be overlooked, not be noticed by the threat in front of me. But I had to do something. My mouth worked open.

"It's not yours." the words were choppy, forced out on lips that didn't want to cooperate. Afraid to draw the attention that had slid away from me back.

I don't know exactly what I had expected to happen when I spoke. It wasn't like it was about to instantly ease the situation. But I had vague hopes for maybe some level of understanding from him, that this wasn't about our former relationship. It was about my life. But as his gaze slid between Jason and me, I watched a dawning realization take place. Then it was swiftly replaced by a cold determination, like he had settled on some dark decision that pinched his brows inward. I didn't know what it meant. His mouth set in a hard line, and his body straightened up.

I worried that meant he was about to hit Jason, or me. But instead he moved to walk past. The settled anger on his face twisting his familiar features into a mask of disgust that I didn't recognize.

"You're just like Maggie." he virtually spat at me as he passed by us, voice low and harsh.

His words which I knew were meant to sink home in the tender areas of my feelings, instead struck against the glass pane inside me that had thickened with our encounter. I should be crying right now, I know that in a distant way. That sort of argument with Ezra always would have brought me to my knees in the past. But it had all been so impersonal somehow, as I watched from the perspective of clarity within myself. I watched him walk away, heading into what appeared to be a tax firm. It wasn't something that I had anticipated being in the parking lot, but there were a variety of other offices nearby. I guess I hadn't noticed them on the way in earlier, now they suddenly appeared around the various store fronts.

"Aria, are you okay?" Jason asked after Ezra disappeared into the office and I was still standing there.

"I'm fine." the words just came out, no thought behind what was actually going on in my head. It didn't seem like it was safe to take stock of what was really happening right now.

"Let's get to the car." he sounded distressed, and when he grabbed my hand in his hot one I realized how very cold I was.

Sensation echoed back to my brain as we crossed the parking lot, my body numb even as we walked in the bright sunlight of late spring. It was like there were springs in my limbs, responding in the moment but sending the shockwave of activity up along my nerves with a delay. I didn't realize how strange it was that Jason basically put me directly into the passenger seat before closing my door and walking around the car to the driver's side, until I was alone in the car waiting. The door closed behind him and we were trapped in the quiet space of the car, the windows bouncing the sound of my breathing back to me while muffling the few sounds that were outside, in the world apart from us.

"How are you feeling, Aria?" he questioned me again, his voice had picked up a slightly higher pitch. Like he was anxious about something.

I figured since he was asking again he expected a different answer. Not the rote, don't worry one that I had given him. How was I feeling? The swirling tempest that seemed to be in my chest wanted to drag me down as soon as I acknowledged it. I hadn't realized it was there, but my throat tightened like I was about to break into sobs. I swallowed the sensation down. Now didn't seem like the time to deal with the overwhelming storm that wanted to drown me. The car was safer than being exposed to the world outside, but I knew that if I voiced what was wrong that everything I was carefully shoving down and sitting on like overpacked luggage desperate to flip the latches, it would all come spilling out and leave me like a raw nerve.

I shook my head.

"Can you tell me what you're feeling?" he tried again.

His hand reaching out to take mine and again that surge of sensation and warmth came along. With the awareness of just how cold my hands were right now. Trying to squeeze his hand back felt like pain in my bones, body too stiff from the frost inside to move properly.

I shook my head again.

"Aria, I think you're dissociating." he informed me, eyes having returned back to my face, watching for something.

I wasn't making eye contact. I knew that. But wasn't sure what he meant. "What?"

"Feeling separate from your body. Do you feel like you're maybe not in control of your body right now?" his voice was low and his words hit true.

"Yeah, it's like watching someone else from behind a screen." I explained and I watched him nod his head.

"There's some grounding techniques we could do to help get you back in control." he offered.

I didn't know that I wanted to be back in control. The feelings that had tried to break through already had been so strong. And I was terrified of being consumed by them. But I was also scared of getting trapped away from sensation. Rationally, I could recognize that this was similar to how I felt telling Jason about Charles raping me, before the memories of the dollhouse had taken over me and I shut down. I didn't want to go back to that. Back to being trapped within my own personal, neverending hell. But the moment now seemed just as painful.

I was distantly aware of Jason's hands rubbing up and down my hands and arms, trying to work some heat back into them. The slightly rough sensation muffled but pleasant. Were my hands really that cold? I know that the doctor had said something about it not being just a sensation, but actual cold sensitivity because of low iron levels. Her words were slipping away too quickly for me to remember exactly what it had been.

"Okay." I relented, trusting that Jason knew what was best when I was too scared to make a decision either way.

"What are five things that you see right now?"

I quirked an eyebrow at how silly that sounded but with a sigh I looked around me. "The sign for the clinic. The red car next to us. The dashboard. My purse. You."

"Good. Now what's four things you can touch." he encouraged.

"Your hand. My purse. My seat. And your jacket." this felt really silly as I was looking for things that I could touch.

"Very good. Now three things that you hear."

I listened carefully, trying to pick anything out over the sound of my own breathing. "The cars driving by. Someone talking outside. And your breathing."

"You're doing great. Two things you can smell."

I breathed deeply, trying to work out the smells around me. The scent of the jacket around my shoulders bloomed in my senses, earthy and warm. . "Your cologne and leather."

I realized that his hands had stilled on mine, the warmth still seeping into my cooler skin. It felt reassuring, having that tie to the moment.

"Last one. Name one thing you can taste." his voice sounded lower, quieter between us.

I looked over at him and couldn't help the way that my gaze darted down to his mouth. Did he mean that? Feeling my heartbeat increasing slightly, I licked my lips in anticipation. And I tasted something salty. A frown took over my face as I realized that some of the stiffness that I had felt had been tears drying on my face. Had I been crying? I pulled a hand away, reaching up to my face and feeling wet tears still on my face, following the path that had already been laid down from the ones before to land on the corners of my lips.

"Tears?" It came out as a question, the confusion I was feeling apparent.

He nodded his head, seeming to have missed the moment that I had just felt. "Feeling better?"

Thinking about it, I realized that the wall of glass that I had been watching through had gone away, the sensation and the cold was back in my limbs it seemed. And the delay in sensation was gone. I pinched my leg through the denim to be sure, and sure enough the slight pain of the squeeze was enough to reassure me that I was fully back in control. I felt the emotions of the moments before still quieter than I had anticipated, not enough to take over me and hold me hostage. But I would have to deal with everything a little later. I no longer felt like I was balancing on a tightrope over a ravine, instead there was a net beneath me to catch me if I fell so I could get back up.

"Yeah, I am."

"I'm glad to hear it." he offered me a smile, and it felt genuine. "So what next?"

I raised an eyebrow, not understanding what he meant. The appointment was over, so we needed to head home so I could take the pills the doctor had given me. Actually thinking about it, they had said that I could take the first one at any point so long as the second set was taken within 48 hours after. That meant I could take the first ones now before we headed for home.

"What do you mean?" I questioned, even as I started going through the bag and looking for the first set of pills.

"The doctor said that there were some things you might need to be comfortable. And I wasn't sure if you wanted to go straight home or not. I would offer to let you come over to my place, but I'm pretty sure Ali will be home and wasn't sure if you would be up for that company. Are you comfortable at home with your family there?"

I smiled at how sweet that was. There would undoubtedly be a few things that I needed from the store, which I had been planning on running and grabbing after Jason left me at home. My plans for the day had only accounted for needing the emotional support through the appointment itself, thinking I could handle things from there. And didn't want to trouble anyone else.

"Don't you have to get back to work?" I questioned, surely he had other things to do today than take care of me.

"Nope, I took a personal day. I've got nothing better to do but be there for you." he answered with a smile before hesitating. "That is if you want me around. I understand if you want some space."

I leaned over the center console, placing a kiss on his cheek before leaning in enough for a hug. "Thank you, Jason. I'd love having you with me today."

I didn't know what was going to happen with my feelings when I was left alone and had to deal with things on my own. Having Jason around would help to keep that feeling at bay. And unlike having one of the girls come over today, he already knew why I was going to feel so bad and wouldn't question it.

"Always. So where to first? The grocery store?"

"Yeah, that'd be perfect." I confirmed with a nod.

"Then to your house? Or do you want to come over?"

"Mike has a lacrosse game tonight and is staying over at my mom's apartment. And my dad has a staff meeting on Tuesdays, so won't be home until later."

It had been a lucky coincidence that the clinic had had an appointment available so quickly and on a Tuesday. It meant that my house would be completely empty for at least the next six hours, which hopefully offered a long enough window for me to get through the worst of things. If today hadn't been available, I wasn't sure what I would have done. Other than maybe claim I was just having a rough period? I was glad I didn't have to think that through today.

"Grocery store it is." Jason agreed.

Turning the car on and immediately switching the heat on, he aimed a vent in my direction as soon as the warmed air started coming through, and I appreciated the gesture. He even pulled the same blanket from his back seat as when we had gone into Philly and passed it to me. Rock music was playing quietly to prevent the car from being too quiet as he backed out of the space and pulled onto the road.

"Are you sure you don't have to be anywhere else today?" wanting reassurance as we headed back towards Rosewood.

"I'm sure." he assured me, glancing quickly over at me before looking back at the road. "Do you know what Fitz meant earlier? Saying you were like Maggie?"

I could feel my body tensing as he mentioned her name, and I guess Jason noticed too, since he tried to backtrack. "Sorry, I don't mean to push you. I get it if you don't want to talk about it."

I breathed through the feeling of wanting to shut everything down, to go back to the bubble of safety and distance. Instead I focused again on what I could smell. The mingling scent of Jason's cologne and my own perfume along with the slightly stale smell that accompanied the heated air from the vents.

"No, it's okay." I started, wanting to be able to open up to him about this. To open up in general. This didn't feel like a huge thing, not something that would cut me open as I spoke the words. "Maggie was Ezra's high school girlfriend. She cheated on him and got pregnant, then told him he was the father."

"Wait is that the woman with the kid that he was going around town with for a few months?" he asked, and I hadn't realized that he had noticed that Ezra was going around as a family man.

"Yeah, that was Maggie. Ezra's mom had paid her off to have an abortion and leave Ezra. She took the money, but ended up having Malcolm anyway. So when Ezra found her again, she had a son that happened to look a lot like him."

Guilt washed over me as I realized what today must have looked like from Ezra's perspective. He was wrong. But what he must have thought was that just like Maggie, I had cheated on him. He probably assumed that Jason was the father and that was why I had brought him with me to the clinic. After thinking that I was killing his child, just like he thought Maggie had done.

"It must have been the same as when Maggie left him." I breathed out, regret for how things had played out lacing my tone. "No wonder he was upset."

I could feel my heart tighten in my chest. I doubted he would be up for listening to reason right now, and I wasn't really in a state to try and talk him down or actually explain what had happened. I didn't want to tell him about what had happened in the bunker, it felt too vulnerable to bare myself that way. Nausea rose again, threatening to turn my stomach as sweat broke out on my forehead. I turned the heat down, accepting the shivering that would come.

"That doesn't make his reaction okay." Jason's voice cut through my spiralling thoughts.

"He doesn't know what happened, I can't blame him for his hurt." I tried to defend Ezra, knowing that this was another one of those traps that A always put together. Just enough information that everyone came away hurt. A was a master at finding any sore points and brutalizing them.

"I get that. But it doesn't make it okay. No matter your trauma, that doesn't make it alright to hurt someone else." there was a hard edge to his voice. "He looked like he was about to hit you. And that's not okay."

What Jason said didn't align with how I had thought of things. I didn't like what Mona had done, hurting my friends and I the way that she had. But given how awful Ali, the other girls, and I had been to her before Ali disappeared I had understood what made her do it. There was some part of me that believed that what we had all gone through in the dollhouse had been what we had deserved, as awful as it sounded.

"I've never seen him like that before." I conceded, not wanting to get into my feelings about the dollhouse and taking the easier conversation option.

"Just because someone was hurt that doesn't give them an excuse to hurt others." his voice continued.

I had never thought of it that way. Taking it as truth that it was just how hurt people responded, they lashed out in their pain. It had maybe been the wrong thing to take from the conversations, but whenever teachers had talked about the angry kids growing up, before I had really become friends with Ali that was, they had mentioned that they had rough home lives as though that explained why they did what they did. It was the natural consequence.

"Ready?" Jason asked, drawing me from my thoughts and I came back to the moment, realizing that we were parked in the grocery store's lot.

"Yeah, thanks." I made sure that my prescriptions were securely tucked in my purse before unclicking my buckle and getting out of the car to head inside.

*TRIGGER WARNING*

"You just about ready? I've got the movie set to go." Jason's voice called as I left my room and headed downstairs.

He had spent the last twenty or so minutes that I had been upstairs taking pills making popcorn, hot chocolate, and otherwise getting ready for an afternoon of watching movies on the couch. I had downed the Ibuprofen almost an hour ago now. And had the bottle with me for a refresh in a few hours. That along with a large fleece blanket, big enough for both Jason and I to fit under on the couch and my heating pad were tucked into a bundle under my arms. I could smell the food swirling in the air and for the moment was actually hungry. Though I had made sure there was a large bowl set in the living room in case my stomach turned unexpectedly.

"Yep, I've got everything else." I informed as I dropped the bundle on the couch.

There were a couple of mugs of hot chocolate steaming on the coffee table, along with the electric kettle clearly having been refilled and the container of mix. In case we wanted more without having to go into the kitchen. I placed the painkillers on the coffee table, taking the left hand side, since it was closer to the outlet to plug in the heating pad. I reached down to plug in the cord for the heating pad when a surge of pain hit my lower back. A gasp left my mouth at the unexpected intensity. And I tried to breathe through the pain, knowing that it wasn't going to stop and I just had to deal with it.

"You okay? Cramping starting?" he asked, leaving the arranging he was doing on the couch to be at my side in an instant.

"Yeah, just hit a little unexpectedly." I tried to dismiss, leaning back down but the pain increased again and I could feel my eyes watering with unshed tears.

"Hey, I got this. Why don't you grab a seat and I'll join you in a minute." he offered, and I wasn't about to pass that up.

"Thanks." I moved over to the couch, pain easing as I stood upright again.

I settled on the couch, pulling the blanket up over my lap and leaning back against the cushions. The screen had a dvd menu for The Princess Bride showing, a movie that I had watched as a kid when I was sick. And it felt like a good day for it. I wanted something comforting and this was the perfect thing. Jason quickly had the cord plugged in and was back around the couch, sitting a little ways away from me, as though trying to give me space. I felt the heating pad slowly begin to warm as the cramping sensation in my lower belly returned. I wasn't sure what the point of the painkillers was if it was already hurting this much. It would likely be worse if I hadn't taken them preemptively though, so I scooted closer to Jason, leaning into him and he wrapped his arm around my shoulders.

"Are you comfortable?" he asked.

"As comfortable as I can be, I think." I spoke through another aching pain increasing in my lower back, trying to continue breathing through the pain.

He turned the movie on then, and I tried to settle against him more. The hot chocolate was a good move, helping to warm my belly from the inside, while I held a pillow to my stomach, hoping that would ease some of the pain. By the time that they were beginning to scale the Cliffs of Insanity, my knees were drawn up to my chest in a futile attempt to stop some of the twisting pain in my belly.

"Anything I can do to help?" he sounded concerned after a particularly nasty cramp had me whining with the pain.

"Not that I can think of. I think I just have to ride through it." I gave a low moan of pain as soon as I had finished speaking, the pain more intense than my usual period cramping and my body tensed up from the nauseating ache that was throbbing through my core.

"I can rub your back, see if maybe that would help." he offered, and I managed a nod. I wasn't sure if I could speak as my teeth were currently clamping on my lip to try and get through the wave of pain.

His hand was warm as it moved across first my upper back before moving lower. I shifted so that I was laying with my head in his lap, partially to give him better access to rub where most of the pain was focused. It seemed to help, either the soothing rhythm of his hand moving across my shirt with its slight rasp of skin against cloth, or the change in position. I was curled up in the fetal position, but the pain subsided a little, the tension easing from my upper back and core. It was comfortable enough that even with the sounds of reparte and a duel on the screen, I was able to close my eyes and drift to some semblance of sleep.

End Chapter*

Hope y'all enjoyed this one. Let me know what ya think.