Eds of Prey
"The open road has its perks, but I need action. Leader, when is our next battle?" Ruka asked Eddy.
Eddy looked back at her "…you asking me?"
"Who else?" Beep asked.
Ruka grinned, "Yes, Lord Eddy! Lead us into glory and doom!"
Ed laughed, "Oh yeah, Eddy leads us there a lot!"
The rest of the group - aside from Eddy and Ruka - tried hard not to laugh, Beep covering it up with a cough.
Eddy groaned, "You'll get your battle later, Ruka! For now, we focus on making money!"
"For our war chest?" Ruka asked.
Eddy threw his arms up, "Yeah, sure!"
Double-D cleared his throat, "Regardless, we could use the money…"
Our group of adventurers traveled down the apparently Hiver-made road into Vain, welcomed by the sight of a forest dense with massive flora. Also, by sudden rain. You can never predict those.
Shryke opened up her hand, capturing some rain, "Ah, Vain, home to scamming Hivers, unpredictable rain, and the Beak Things."
"Gotta watch out for the Beak Things!" said Beep.
"What's a…beaked thing?" Double-D asked.
"The species name is 'Gutters', but they're colloquially known as Beak Things." Crumblejon explained.
Double-D gave him a confused look, "I assume because they have beaks as their most prominent feature? Any other way to identify them?"
Crumblejon looked Double-D in the eyes, "They're called that for a reason, you'll know one when you see one."
The ominousness in Crumblejon's voice sent a shiver down Double-D's spine, "Oh…um, are they dangerous?"
Shryke, Beep, Ruka, and Crumblejon nodded in unison, "Yes!"
"Okay then…" this put Double-D on high alert and quickly darted his eyes around the area as they traveled.
Eddy pointed ahead at some movement, "Hey, I see something!"
Shryke looked to where Eddy was pointing, seeing a couple of garru running towards the road, "…oh, that's just a pack of garru. They're harmless unless provoked."
"Are Beak Things really big, brown, four-legged ostriches with spiky backs?" Ed suddenly asked.
Shryke turned towards Ed, "What is a-" and suddenly, she saw what Ed was asking about, "BEAK THINGS!"
The massive Beak Things charged at them at a speed above thirty miles per hour. Ostriches would be a close comparison, Beak Things did run as fast and were quite as deadly if not more so.
Yes, ostriches are deadly, but that's beside the point.
"RUN!" Beep screamed.
The group took off in a panicked sprint down the road, but the Beak Things were much faster and closed what little distance they had in seconds. One of them swung their massive neck down at Eddy, their beak barely missing him.
"OH MAN, I HATE BIRDS!" Eddy yelled.
"Keep moving! Don't let them hit you with their beaks!" Crumblejon advised.
Beep unfortunately didn't heed this advice and got pecked by one of the two beak things chasing them. Ed caught Beep as he collapsed from the searing pain. "I gotcha Beep!" Ed told his new friend as he slung Beep over his shoulder.
The group kept running down the road when suddenly a third beak thing emerged from the trees.
"There's another one! There must be a nest nearby!" Edd deduced.
"You're right! Let's steer clear of it!" Shryke added.
The group ran past the garru Eddy spotted earlier. Eddy looked back to see the beak things peck at them, "Oh man, those birds are attacking those cows!"
Ruka looked back to see the garru attempting to fight back, "We shall fight them too!" she roared as she stopped running.
Crumblejon grabbed her and pulled her to keep moving, "Don't you dare! You're nowhere near ready for that!"
The three Beak Things pecked at the garru who retaliated by ramming their heads into their legs. This seemed to cause a slight struggle, but it was in vain as the Beak Things pecked at the garrus heads, knocking them unconscious. The three massive predators started feasting on their downed prey, with their grey beaks quickly turning red.
"Get off the road! Let's lose them in the woods!" Edd advised.
The group did so, running through the woods, zigzagging around the trees. Our heroes managed to escape the three Beak Things and entered a clearing where even more Beak Things were nesting.
Hungry Beak Things, as they charged at the group soon after they spotted them.
"JUST OUR LUCK!" Eddy cried out as the Beak Things approached and led the group away from the nest.
Crumblejon then broke away from the group, grabbing the attention of most of the Beak Things.
"Mr. Crumblejon!" Double-D called out.
"Get back here, Gramps!" Eddy ordered.
Crumblejon looked back at them, "Keep running! I'll catch up!" he told them.
"HAVE YOU GONE SENILE?" Shryke cried out.
A handful of the Beak Thing pack then headed for the rest of the group.
"Run away!" Ed screamed.
The group did so and ran as fast as they could, coming to an oddly red-colored river.
"Don't touch the water! It's acidic!" Shryke cried out.
Double-D groaned, "Oh, of course it is! Nothing can ever be safe in this world!"
The Beak Things caught up to the group and pecked at them as they started to run along the river instead of crossing. Shryke was the slowest of the group and got pecked in the legs. She ended up falling from her injury with a scream.
"Miss Shryke!" Double-D cried out.
The Eds and Ruka looked back to see Crumblejon emerging from the trees, picking up Shryke and chasing after the rest of them, with the rest of the Beak Thing pack in tow.
"GRAMPS LIVED!" Eddy yelled out.
Crumblejon pointed ahead, "Keep going along the river! There's another Hiver Village up ahead!"
The Beak Thing pack charged past Crumblejon. Apparently, they didn't see much of a meal out of the thin old man with cracking bones.
The Eds and Ruka scrambled madly, they passed by some more garru which most of the Beak Thing pack took more interest in and started tearing into them just as easily as the first three had before.
Unfortunately, there were still three Beak Things closing in on the Eds and Ruka. None of them could outrun these massive birds, and the best they could do was avoid their deadly namesake.
The Hiver Village was in sight, and everyone made a mad dash for it. Double-D was at the rear and had been pecked a few times mainly due to a mix of bad luck and bad timing. He noticed that he was slightly bleeding and tried not to think about it. He fought through the pain as he pressed on. How he was still alive was a riddle he'd solve later, for now adrenaline was keeping him stable and conscious.
Ed was carrying Beep and was the first to make it into the village. He ran into one of the Hiver's huts for safety, the door of which was noticeably too small for these massive creatures.
Ruka was second from the rear and closest to Double-D and the three Beak Things. Seeing Double-D bleeding drove her to try to strike one with her sword, "Prepare to-"
Ruka then got pecked in the chest and fell, overwhelmed by the pain. The Beak Things were far more interested in Double-D than her though and chased after him as he kept running.
Eddy saw this and rushed to help them both with Double-D passing him, "Follow Ed!" Eddy told him as he gave his friend an encouraging pat.
"Y-yes!" Double-D squeaked as he ran into the village and into the hut after Ed. Once he was finally safe, he started to bandage himself up and noticed that Ed was panicking.
"Double-D! Beep is bleeding!" He cried out.
Beep was still unconscious and was bleeding rather slowly, Double-D checked his pockets and handed Ed one of the first aid kits he bought, "Here Ed, I got to focus on my own injuries…wait, didn't I have more of these?"
Eddy made it to Ruka who was bleeding from her chest and quickly bandaged her up with the first aid kit he borrowed from Double-D, "You gotta stop doing this, you idiot!" he yelled as he patched her up.
Ruka however was unconscious, and probably didn't hear him.
The Beak Things couldn't reach Double-D now and turned their attention to Eddy. Eddy hoisted Ruka over his shoulder and ran past them for the hut, yelling back and flipping them a bird of his own as he passed, "FUCK YOU, BIRDS!"
Somehow, that seemed to enrage these already dangerous predators. One in particular sprinted right for Eddy as he reached the hut that Eddy was sure the Beak Thing couldn't get into.
And then, with the power of janky hitboxes, the Beak Thing squeezed into the hut.
The three Eds screamed at the sight, as they were far too wounded and inexperienced to fight this massive, bird-like monster.
Thankfully they didn't have to, as the hut contained a swarm of heavily armed Hivers as well.
"KILL IT! KILL IT BEFORE IT EATS OUR CUSTOMERS!" screeched one of the Hiver drones.
The Eds could do nothing but watch in awe as the Hivers slew one of the monsters that nearly wiped them all out so quickly. After that, the Hivers left the hut and took out the other beak things invading their village. After a few minutes, the Eds cautiously left the hut to see that the coast was clear, and the Hivers were dragging the now dead Beak Things out of their village.
"We did it!" Ed cheered as he hugged his two best buddies.
"Woo-hoo! Scratch three ugly birds!" Eddy cheered.
"I can't believe we're still alive…those Beak Things pecked my stomach so much…" Double-D gasped out.
Double-D looked over at Ruka and Beep who were still unconscious but thankfully were bandaged up and recovering from their wounds.
And then, Crumblejon walked into the Hiver village, carrying Shryke over his back. Miraculously, there wasn't a scratch on him.
"Mr. Crumblejon! Miss Shryke! You're safe and mostly unarmed!" Double-D cheered.
Shryke was set down and she looked over at Double-D, wincing in pain but gave a grin, "My legs are messed up, but yeah, otherwise I'm fine."
Crumblejon grinned too, "It's good to see you boys are alive and well."
Eddy stomped over, "No thanks to you, Gramps. What the hell did you do to piss them off?"
Double-D gritted his teeth, "Eddy, please don't start blaming-"
"I took their eggs." Crumblejon bluntly admitted.
"YOU DID WHAT?" Double-D screamed.
"You HAVE gone senile!" Shryke cried out.
Crumblejon held out his arms, "Now, calm down, I-"
Ed suddenly walked up to Crumblejon, picked him up and shook him, "BEEP, RUKA, SHRYKE, AND DOUBLE-D ARE HURT!" Ed cried out.
Crumblejon struggled in Ed's tight grip, "They'll be fine! Really! And I have a good reason for taking their eggs!"
Eddy pointed at the red-colored river, "It better be good enough to keep Ed from tossing you in that river!" he threatened.
Crumblejon then looked alarmed, "Holy shit, you do know that river Is made of acid, right?"
Ed carried Crumblejon over to the riverbed, "TALK NOW OR ACID BATH!" he threatened with a menacing face Double-D and Eddy rarely saw.
"Hold on, big guy!" Eddy called out, "We don't want to kill Gramps! Just rough him up a bit with some pink bellies!"
Ed stopped making the menacing face and grinned wickedly, "Oh, okay Eddy!" He walked away from the riverbed.
"Pink belly?" Shryke asked.
Ed then held Crumblejon by the hip, and started slapping his belly, "PINK BELLY!"
Crumblejon started to squirm with each slap, "Woah!"
"PINK BELLY!"
"OW!"
"PINK BELLY!"
"WAIT!"
"PINK BELLY!"
"THESE BEAK THING EGGS ARE-"
"Did you say you have Beak Thing Eggs?" asked an approaching Hiver trader, "How many?"
"I got three of them!" Crumblejon told the trader, he pulled out three massive eggs from his pockets.
The Hiver trader pulled out a huge sack of cats, "I'll take them, human! Those eggs are to DIE for! And many of us have while trying to get them!"
Eddy saw the sack and turned to Ed, "Okay Ed, let Gramps down. He just made a big mistake, but he'll pay us back."
Ed paused for a moment, "Are you sorry?" he asked Crumblejon.
"I swear on my wife! I'm sorry Ed! I didn't imagine anyone would get as hurt as they did!" Crumblejon pleaded.
"You have a wife?" Shryke, Double-D, and Eddy all asked at once.
Ed smiled, "Okay!" and he dropped Crumblejon onto the ground.
"...I think those slaps hurt more than those pecks would have." Crumblejon groaned.
Thankfully the eggs were undamaged and Crumblejon was able to trade three Beak Thing eggs for the large sack of cats.
Crumblejon gestured to Ed, "Give the proceeds to my good friend here, I uh, owe him money."
"Whatever, human!" The trader tossed the sack to Ed who caught it.
"Oooh!" Ed looked inside at all the shiny coins.
Eddy looked at them too with a big smile, "There's gotta be over twelve thousand coins in here! Maybe we-"
"Oh no, we are NOT going through that again!" Double-D told him, "That nearly got us all killed! I'm certain we all WOULD be if the three of us weren't from a world with heavier gravity!"
Eddy snapped out of his greed-filled thoughts, "Woah, yeah, uh, maybe we should keep away from those birds for now. That's what I was going to say!"
Double-D rolled his eyes.
"Heavier gravity?" Shryke asked.
Double-D turned to her, "It's more a theory I have, but given this world is more like a moon, it stands to reason it has lighter gravity than our planet. That would explain why all three of us can run so fast, work so long without getting tired, and survive being pecked at by those Beak Things.
Shryke pointed at Ed, "Is that also why Ed is insanely strong?"
Double-D shook his head, "No, he was always like that."
"…what did his parents feed him?"
The Hive Trader came back after safely storing the Beak Thing eggs, "Now then Human, how about trading some of those cats with us? Many good things are for sale! Big sale after saving your lives!" the Hiver Trader told them.
Double-D smiled sheepishly, "I suppose we do owe them to at least buy a few things."
Shryke sighed, "Whatever you do, do NOT buy one of those fucking lanterns."
…
Ed had bought Beep a Hiver Vest, saying his friend needed more protection, and put it on Beep while he rested. Meanwhile Eddy bought more luxury goods to trade in Squin once they eventually reached it, and Shryke purchased some sort of brownie-like products.
"Miss Shryke, is that fudge?" Double-D asked, eyeing her purchase suspiciously.
"It smells like the trunk of my brother's car." Eddy commented.
Shryke looked over at Eddy, "What's a- you know what, never mind, probably something from where you came from."
"Um…Miss Shryke, that stuff wouldn't happen to be made of…hemp seed, would it?" Double-D asked.
Shryke smiled, "It is! You guys have hashish where you're from?"
"Well, yes, but uh, it is illegal." Double-D explained.
"Oh, it's illegal pretty much everywhere on the continent too. Doesn't stop folks from making, selling, and using it, and Narko's saggy tits do I NEED some after that near-death experience." With that, Shryke broke off a piece of hashish and chomped down on it.
Double-D covered his mouth, "Oh my…"
Shryke offered a piece to Double-D, "Want a bite?"
"Uh…I don't think-."
"BROWNIE! YUM YUM YUM!" Ed cheered as he grabbed the piece and shoved it into his mouth.
"Hey, I'll try some of that!" Eddy reached out for some.
"Oh, sure, fearless leader." Shryke sarcastically said as she broke another piece off and handed it to Eddy who chomped down on it. There was one piece left and Shryke teasingly shook it in Double-D's face. Eddy and Ed grinned at him.
Double-D, effectively peer pressured, took the piece of hashish and ate it in one bite, "Well, when in Rome…I do hope there aren't any nasty side effects to this."
Eddy snickered a bit, "Relax Double-D, what's a little bit of this stuff gonna do to us?"
Five Minutes Later…
Eddy was vomiting into the acid river, and crying out in agony, "AH! I'M GONNA DIE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WOODS! JUST LIKE MY BROTHER SAID I WOULD!"
Double-D wasn't doing much better, he had stripped down to his underwear and hat - his clothes were neatly folded next to him - and was furiously scrubbing a wet cloth over his arms and legs, "THERE'S GERMS ALL OVER ME! THEY'RE EVERYWHERE! WHY ISN'T THERE SOAP ON THIS BLASTED ROCK?" he cried out.
Shryke, Crumblejon, and Ed watched the two as they tended to the still unconscious Beep and Ruka.
"I think the hashish pushed them over the edge." Crumblejon remarked.
Shryke sighed and looked over at Ed, "Huh, well at least you're okay, Ed."
Ed did not respond, he sat still with a big smile on his face.
"Ed?" Shryke poked Ed's shoulder a few times.
Suddenly, the part of Ed's shoulder Shryke poked popped, and Ed started to fly around the Hiver Village, deflating like a balloon, letting out a wafting sound.
"...miracles and oddities are starting to be an everyday thing with these three." noted Crumblejon.
Shryke shook her head, "Okay, nope, all three of them are banned from using hashish ever again."