Push Ed to the Limit

After the Eds recovered from the hashish, Ruka recovered consciousness, but Beep was still out cold. The group decided to leave as the Hivers noticed that Beep was previously rejected from the Hive, and screamed at them to leave or Beep would bring them some sort of destruction. As if the Beak Thing attack wasn't enough. Our adventurers decided to ignore the road and just head south of the river to get to the Stenn Desert as fast as possible.

Ruka checked her bandaging as the group climbed a hill, "Lord Eddy, you bandaged me?"

Eddy looked over at her, "Don't sound too surprised, when you get hurt as much as me and Ed do, learning First Aid is a requirement."

"He was a nurse's aide at one point." Double-D added.

Eddy groaned, "Don't remind me…"

"That's the second time you saved my life, my Lord." Ruka acknowledged, "I'll have to work twice as hard to repay my debt."

When the group made it on top of the hill, the forests of Vain ended and their view was full of sand dunes, mountains, and a massive walled city not that far in the distance.

"There's Admag, capital of the Shek Kingdom." said Crumblejon.

"Cool!" Ed exclaimed.

"Yeah, if you like a bunch of ornery horned people." Shryke remarked, then quickly looked at Ruka, "Not that there's anything wrong with them!"

Ruka was stone faced, "It's fine, I know my people. Every one of them wants to fight, just don't give them a good reason to."

"Okay gentlemen and ladies, just a bit of a hike and we'll be able to rest." Double-D told everyone.

Once the group entered the desert, they were no longer in the rain. Said rain seemed to inexplicably stay in Vain, creating some sort of pseudo-border with the wet sand. They hiked to Admag, and were stopped at the gate.

"Smuggling checks. Shed your gear, flatskin."

The group, tired from the insanity from Vain, showed them their gear without question. The guard then noticed Crumblejon was carrying hashish Shryke had bought from the Hivers.

"Wait…what's this?"

Crumblejon quickly tried to defuse the situation, "It's a-"

"Sly flatskin."

The guards got their weapons ready.

"Your cowardice will be your doom, flatskin."

The guards quickly attacked the group, none of them ready for such an assault.

…

Eddy woke up in a cage to find Double-D, Crumblejon, and Shryke also in cages. Ed and Ruka were tied to poles just outside his cage. Ed, Double-D, and Crumblejon being the only ones awake.

"Hi Eddy!" Ed greeted Eddy with a smile.

"Ed! What the hell just happened?" Eddy asked.

"Eddy, please don't cuss so much…" Double-D pleaded, rubbing his head.

"Why? It's not like Standards and Practices are going to read this."

"Nobody is going to read this!" Ed added.

Double-D shook his head, "Now, now, let's not go that far. We have at least twelve readers."

"Half of those are bots, Double-D." Eddy griped.

"Still, that's more than I thought we'd get."

"I have no idea what you boys are talking about…" Crumblejon mumbled.

Double-D looked over to the veteran warrior, "Mr. Crumblejon, what-"

"It was the hashish Shryke bought, it's illegal, and the Shek have a zero-tolerance policy on hashish here like people do most everywhere." Crumblejon explained.

Ed then realized they were missing someone, "Where's Beep?"

Everyone looked around, but Beep was nowhere to be found.

"They attacked us all pretty fast, fight or flight must have kicked in and they took us all for threats aside from Beep who was still unconscious." Double-D theorized.

Crumblejon leaned back, "Get comfortable boys, we may be here awhile…"

Eddy eyed the lock on the cage and started to fiddle with it.

"Eddy, aren't we in enough trouble already?" Double-D asked.

"Yeah, but I'm bored. I need something to keep busy…"

A few hours later, Shryke woke up, "Huh? Where are we?" she asked.

"Jail." Eddy told her. He was done fiddling with the cages.

"Seems your hashish got us behind bars, Miss Shryke." Double-D told her.

"Ah shit…sorry guys. I totally forgot that the Shek wasn't cool with hashish…"

"You gave them a reason, flatskin." Ruka coldly told her as she woke up.

Shryke gave a sheepish smile, "Heh…sorry."

A few hours later, a Shek officer walked up the stairs to the room the group was being held in and approached Eddy, "Okay flatskin, you're free to go. Feel free to cause more trouble, my soldiers are getting rusty and need more training."

"Wait, that's it?" Eddy asked.

"That's it. You barely caused any damage, you haven't tried busting out, now get out of my jail. The only condition is we're keeping the weapons that you and the giant flatskin had."

"Easy come, easy go." Ed remarked.

"Excuse me, what about the rest of us?" Double-D asked.

The officer looked over, "We're still going over your paperwork. Most of you are marked as escaped slaves, and that complicates some things."

"Um…I don't suppose there's a way to speed up the process?" Double-D asked.

The Shek officer looked at Eddy, "Well, I could pull a few strings if your leader here pays for your bail."

Eddy took a deep breath, and swallowed his pride, "How much?"

The officer held up three fingers, "Three thousand cats for the slaves. The Scorchlander is going to be released soon, so don't worry about her. And twenty-one thousand for the old flatskin smuggling drugs."

"I swear, I have no idea how that got in my pockets!" Crumblejon protested.

Shryke whistled a bit.

Eddy groaned, "I got the three thousand for my pals, sorry Gramps." Eddy handed the officer the cats.

The officer counted them up quickly, "Good. We will mark them down as your property. A pleasure doing business with you, flatskin."

Ed, Double-D, and Ruka were released, and soon enough Shryke was released from her cell too.

"Hey! What about me?" Crumblejon asked.

"You're too expensive to bail out now, Gramps! And I ain't gonna risk breaking you out!" Eddy told him as he headed for the stairs. Eddy was followed by Ed, Ruka, and Shryke.

"Oh, sure, just leave me here to rot! I'm just a worthless old man who ain't any use to anyone!" Crumblejon ranted.

"Mr. Crumblejon, don't fret. We will find a way to pay your bail." Double-D assured him.

Crumblejon shrugged him off, "I'm sure you will…sorry, I don't know how you stand Shorty."

Double-D gave him a tired, knowing look, "Years of patience, believe me."

Crumblejon nodded, understanding the weariness in Double-D's voice.

Double-D left to join up with the rest of the freed group, noticing Ed missing, "Where's Ed?"

Eddy pointed towards the gate, "He's grabbing Beep and the weapons that fell during the scrap."

Double-D sighed and turned to Shryke, "Miss Shryke, would you care to explain yourself?"

Shryke shrugged, "Okay, I know, dick move for me to put my stash on Crumblejon, but I didn't think he'd get arrested for it!"

Double-D shook his head, "Right…you never should have bought that stuff in the first place."

"Hey, I love that stuff, all Tech Hunters do, it's one of the few things that keep us alive in this crazy world!"

"Still…"

"C'mon, Double-D, lay off." Eddy told him, "We all got our vices, and complaining about them isn't going to get Gramps out any sooner."

"Lord Eddy is right." Ruka added.

"Yeah, Lor- your friend is right." Shryke piled on.

"Eddy is right." Ed said, suddenly appearing behind Double-D with an unconscious Beep over his shoulder. Ed handed over Shryke's polearm, Ruka's sword and carried Crumblejon's fragment axe for the moment as his katana was now gone forever.

Double-D groaned, "Yes, well, I guess you are all in agreement. So, what do we do next, Lord Eddy?"

Eddy rubbed his chin. Making twenty-one thousand cats wasn't going to be easy. He then spotted some ninjas coming out of a tower across town. They wore the same insignia as the Shinobi Thieves from the Hub, and Eddy recalled their deal they had for him on his first day in this world. And he just so happened to have over ten thousand cats on him.

"First, we close a deal!" Eddy cheered as he ran for the Shinobi tower.

"A deal?" Double-D looked over and noticed the ninjas, then he recalled the deal, "EDDY WAIT, WE NEED THAT MONEY FOR THE BAIL!"

But it was too late, Eddy was already shaking hands with the Thief Boss, "Welcome brother, to the Shinobi Thieves."

And suddenly, the Eds had ten thousand less cats on their hands.

"Eddy! How could you be so callous?" Double-D asked when he caught up to him.

"Double-D, I know how this looks, but you gotta think long-term! We need places to lay low and heal up, Beep is still out of commission!"

Beep was indeed still unconscious.

"Hey brothers and sisters, we have plenty of beds if you need to rest and recover. We won't charge you either, unlike the inns around town." the Thief Boss told them.

"See Double-D? We're getting dividends already!" Eddy told him, "Set Beep up, big guy."

"Okay!" Ed carried Beep in and up the tower.

"I could really use a decent bed too." Shryke remarked as she limped up the stairs.

Eddy, Double-D, and Ruka entered the tower as well. On the ground floor were a couple of tables where three ninjas were playing a dice game.

Double-D cleared his throat, "Okay, I will admit, having lodgings is a good thing, but how are we going to earn twenty-one thousand cats?"

"Hey newbies, I heard what happened to you." said one of the ninjas, "Must've been pretty sloppy to get caught with hashish so easily."

"Yeah, well, we're out now." Eddy told him.

The ninja nodded, "Indeed. Now, down to business. If you managed to get out of jail easily, I bet you still have that hashish with ya. I'll take it off your hands and distribute it a lot more subtly than you could, if ya don't mind splitting the profits."

"Do we still have any?" Double-D asked.

Ruka pulled out a couple of bricks, "I do. The guards did not think to check me."

Double-D sighed, "Seems Miss Shryke planted some on you too…"

Eddy handed them over to the ninja, "How much will this get us?"

"Let's see…I can give ya two-forty for each."

"Sold!"

The drugs were traded for cats, and the ninja noticed Eddy had a bunch of luxury items, "Did you steal those?" he asked.

"Nah, I bought 'em cheap from the bug people." Eddy answered.

"Alright, I recommend you trade anything you got legally to the general goods store in town. You'll get a lot more from them."

"That's very kind of you to advise." Double-D commented.

The ninja shrugged, "Hey, we're allies now, yeah? If you want to pay me back, use some of that money you make on some special gear I got for sale. I guarantee they're good, and you'll get a discount for being one of us!"

Eddy shrugged, "Yeah, maybe. Got anything else for us?"

The ninja pointed upwards, "Upstairs you can find beds, and training equipment. You lot are gonna need them, I can tell."

Eddy, Double-D, and Ruka headed upstairs to see Ed hitting a training dummy, "Look guys! I'm a ninja!" he excitedly said as he imitated sneaking up and tapping a dummy on the head.

"You sure are, big guy." Eddy told him.

On the next floor up, they found Beep and Shryke sleeping in beds and took a seat at the empty table they had there.

"See? This isn't half bad!" Eddy told them.

"Yes, this is a fine tower." Ruka remarked.

"Right…so how are we making twenty-one thousand cats?" Double-D asked.

"Okay, first we trade in these luxury items, then we find out if there's any copper around, that stuff has made us a lot of money so far. Then if we're still short, we can just head back to the Hivers, get more hashish, and sell it to the guy downstairs." Eddy explained.

"Well…I can't think of any better ideas." Double-D admitted. He looked over at Shryke sleeping, "I do hope Miss Shryke isn't too upset that we sold off her stash."

Ruka shrugged, "Call it payment for getting us into this mess."

…

The Eds and Ruka went on with their money-making strategies, Ed and Double-D doing some honest mining while Eddy and Ruka did some not-so-honest drug smuggling. The Shek guards did not bother to check Ruka for drugs as she went straight for the Shinobi Trader while Eddy took the copper Ed and Double-D mined and sold it off. Soon enough, Eddy bought two trader backpacks to increase their sale output.

Meanwhile, Beep finally woke up from his coma and found himself in a bed alone and confused, "Beep is alive?" he heard noises coming from downstairs, familiar ones. He headed down the stairs, "Ed?"

Beep did not find Ed, he found Shryke wailing on one of the training dummies, "Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!" She yelled.

"Beep?" Beep was unsure what else to say at this display of venting frustration.

Shryke stopped, "Eh? Oh Beep, you're finally awake."

Beep approached her, "What happened?"

Shryke filled Beep in on what had happened the previous few days. The Beak Thing attack, them regrouping in a Hive Village, her buying hashish to lighten them all up, them getting arrested for the hashish, and now everyone else was working to earn money for Crumblejon's bail. One thing only really mattered to Beep though.

"Ed…saved Beep's life? Even though I am defective?" Beep asked.

Shryke shrugged, "Uh, yeah? I don't know why, but that big guy really cares about ya. Heck, I think we all do, ya little cutie."

Beep looked at Shryke quizzically,"You…like Beep?"

Shryke laughed a bit, "Well, it ain't like I want to kiss ya or anything, I just find you bug-people adorable, even if your folk did scam me before."

"I see…what are you doing?"

Shryke pointed at the training dummy, "Well, our 'fearless leader' spent the last of our money getting us in here, and they got training dummies. You hit them and you get better at using your weapon."

Beep looked down at his katana, "Beep get better using this?'

"Yeah, I'm just-"

Beep whipped out his sword and started striking the dummy.

"Whoa! Okay, I guess I'm done." Shryke took a few steps away.

"Beep. Get. Strong. Pay. Back. Ed." Beep said with each strike.

"Uh, yeah, you do that Beep. I'm gonna…try out some other stuff."

…

A few days passed, and Eddy returned to the police station with twenty-one thousand cats. A Shek officer led Eddy up and released Crumblejon from his cell. "Alright smuggler, your boss here paid your fine."

Crumblejon couldn't believe it, he stepped out looking at Eddy with disbelief.

"What?" Eddy asked.

Crumblejon cleared his throat, "I just didn't think you'd-"

Eddy cut him off, "You work for me, Gramps. You can pay what you owe by doing what I say from now on."

Crumblejon chuckled a bit, "I guess I can, Eddy."

"You better, or I'm not bailing your old saggy butt out of jail again."

Eddy led Crumblejon into the Shinobi Thieves tower and up to the training floor where everyone else was passing time improving their skills, Ed especially swinging Crumblejon's fragment axe at a training dummy.

"All of you, team meeting! Let's go!" Eddy ordered.

Everyone stopped and followed Eddy upstairs, taking a seat at the table on the floor with beds.

"Welcome back, Mr. Crumblejon." Double-D greeted.

"Oh, here's your axe back!" Ed said as he handed over Crumblejon's fragment axe.

Crumblejon shook his head, "Thanks kid, but I saw you wielding it so easy, maybe you can carry it around for me for a while? At least until I get my strength back."

Ed smiled wide, "Really?"

"Yeah, it looks good on you. Big guy like you needs a big weapon."

Ed tucked the weapon back over his shoulder, it certainly did look like Ed was carrying it effortlessly.

Shryke cleared her throat, "Uh, I should rip the bandage off. Crumblejon, I'm sorry-"

"Shryke, don't be sorry." Crumblejon interrupted, "Just be better. I'm not mad at you."

"You-You're not?" Shryke asked.

Crumblejon smiled at her, "I can't be mad at a pretty young thing like you making a dumb mistake, though if ya want to make up for it, you could always give me a massage!"

Shryke frowned, "I think I'd rather jump off the tower."

"Oh, I can give ya a massage!" Ed cheered. He approached Crumblejon with an excited smile.

Crumblejon backed away a bit, "Uh, hold on big guy, I only accept massages from women!"

"That's sexist!" Ed remarked as he picked Crumblejon up and threw him onto a bed.

"Ed, wait!" Double-D cried out.

"Go Ed, go!" Eddy cheered.

Ed went to work on Crumblejon's back, a lot of cracking and creaking echoed throughout the tower. Some of the ninjas even came up to see the commotion and watched Ed massage in awe. Soon enough, Crumblejon had literally become a human pretzel with his body curled up into a hoop with his arms and legs going in directions they really shouldn't be going.

"Incredible, Ed! Beep!" Beep cheered.

"I uh…wow, how in the world did he survive that?" Shryke asked.

"Could you do me next?" Ruka asked.

"...I can't feel anything." Crumblejon flatly said.

Double-D smiled and gently approached Ed, "Ed, I know you just wanted to help out, but Mr. Crumblejon probably does not appreciate you massaging his body…too well."

Ed nodded, "Oh, I can fix that!"

Ed suddenly grabbed Crumblejon's arms and pulled them through his hoop-like contortion.

"Ed, wait! You're going to rip him apart!" Shryke cried out.

Instead of ripping apart, Crumblejon contorted back to his original form, but with one difference: Crumblejon was standing upright instead of bending forward. With his fixed posture, he now stood a head taller than Ed.

"My…my back! It's healed!" Crumblejon cried out.

"You're welcome!" Ed told him.

Eddy patted the table, getting everyone's attention, "Yeah, yeah, Ed is a real miracle worker. Anyway, as you all can see, Crumblejon is out of the clink."

"Yay!" Everyone cheered.

"And Ed just fixed his messed-up spine."

"Yay!" Everyone cheered again.

"And we are out of money."

"...yay?" Everyone awkwardly cheered.

Eddy laughed, "So, do you all know what that means?"

Double-D got out the pickaxes, "Everyone take one, it's going to be a long day…"