An Edd in the Limelight

Double-D was content. On the one hand, Eddy having the Eds doing "ventures" instead of "scams" for the past few years just felt like a dishonest, shameless, and obvious rebranding of their usual schtick. On the other hand, it was nice that the cul-de-sac kids weren't openly hostile towards them anymore, and that overall, they were keeping themselves entertained more than trying to take anyone else's allowance.

Ed had walked over carrying a book and a sign, "Hey, Double D! Here's that copy of Homer's Odyssey I borrowed from you. I read it wearing gloves so it's still pristine clean!"

Double-D then frowned and took the book, "Oh, this is a dream. Of course it is. Well, best make the most of it. Thank you, Ed."

Ed smiled wide, "You're quite welcome, best buddy!"

Making the most out of this obvious dream wasn't too difficult. It was a nice, bright, summer day. Double-D was sanding their wooden stand while humming, trying to enjoy the peace of this lucid dream. He was waiting for Eddy to bring out the goods they were preparing for today's venture. Ed meanwhile was doing a good job as the human billboard, twirling their advertising sign.

Kevin, Nazz, and Rolf walked up to the stand, "Hey, what are you guys up to today?" Kevin asked with a smile.

Double-D smiled back, "I'm glad you asked, Kevin! Eddy is just about to come out with some homemade baked goods!"

Nazz giggled a bit, "That's adorable, Double-D."

Rolf scoffed, "As if the Ed-boys can match Nana's sea cucumber bread."

Not even a dream could change Rolf's unique demeanor.

"Dude, I had to spend a day in bed after eating that." Kevin told him.

Just then, the door to Eddy's house opened up and Eddy walked out with a tray of brownies. "Who's ready for the good stuff?"

Double-D patted the stand, "Bring it over here, Eddy, the customers are waiting!"

Eddy set the tray down, "I got eyes, Double-D."

Double-D then realized those were not brownies he set down, "Eddy, what are these?"

"Hashish, Double-D! Keep up! We're selling them for two-forty cats apiece!"

"Cats?" Double-D asked.

Rolf set a sack of coins on the table, "Rolf shall test your cooking skill!' Rolf picked up a brick of hashish and chomped on it.

"Rolf, no! That's a narcotic!" Double-D pleaded.

"WHAT!" yelled someone from across the road.

Double-D looked over to see Jonny glaring at them. With a katana. "Jonny? Where did you get that-"

"I KNEW YOU EDS WERE NO GOOD!" Jonny yelled as he charged at them.

"Not again! Stop him, Ed!" Eddy ordered.

"I WILL STOP HIM!" Ed roared, pulling out a massive axe-like sword from his jacket and rushing to meet Jonny.

"Ed, Jonny, no! One of you will get hurt!" Double-D cried out.

Ed swung his sword, Jonny swung his. The metal clashed in midair. Eddy yelled at Ed to keep at it and the other kids were too busy getting high off of the hashish to care. Double-D suddenly started to feel too warm.

"That's it, I've had enough of this lucid nightmare!" Double-D grabbed his hat and yanked it off.

…

Double-D awoke, shooting upright in his sleeping mattress, shaking, breathing heavily, and put a hand over his rapidly beating heart. He then checked if his hat was still on, which it was. He looked around to see the rest of his group laying down on their own mattresses on top of the Shinobi Thieves' tower.

Double-D slowly started to calm down, his heartbeat and breathing returning to normal as he recovered from the shock of forcing himself awake. He recalled that after over a week of not needing sleep, the three Eds had finally felt tired enough to go to bed. Unfortunately, this led to Double-D having a nightmare.

"…this world is getting to me." Double-D murmured. He was still shaking and decided to get up and head downstairs. On the way down, he saw some of the ninjas training and tried not to look at them. On the bottom, he saw some ninjas laughing, drinking, and rambling about how much money they were making from the hashish trade. Double-D didn't want to hear any of it, so he left the tower and took a walk through Admag.

Unaware that he was being followed.

Double-D ended up entering one of Admag's twenty-four seven bars which had one Shek bartender and two passed out Shek barflies. He took a seat at the bar.

"Let me guess, flatskin, rum?" the bartender asked.

"Water, please." Double-D asked.

The bartender turned to the seat next to Double-D, "And you?"

"I'll have what he's having."

Double-D turned to see Shryke sitting next to him as the bartender set down two bottles of water, "Miss Shryke? What are you doing here?"

"Please drop the 'Miss', and I couldn't sleep so I followed you here. Are you doing alright?"

"Um…well Shryke, it's a bit of a personal matter…" Double-D looked over at the bartender who was cleaning glasses.

"Keep flapping your gums, flatskin, it's all noise to me." the bartender said without looking away.

Double-D took a deep breath, "I…I'm just worried. I've been so busy focusing on our survival that I haven't thought of how this odyssey would affect us mentally. For one thing, Eddy might be regressing to his older self."

"Regressing? Your loud, rude, short friend was worse before this?" Shryke asked.

Double-D nodded, "Yes, a lot worse. Let's just say something big happened to us two years ago and it finally snapped him out of a downward spiral that was making him worse every season. He has been getting better, and then all this happened to us."

"This big thing being?"

Double-D shook his head, "I would rather not talk about it. It is rather unpleasant."

"Got it."

"As for Ed…well, he's always been a bit of a concern, but I'm worried he's getting more violent. Especially since he has his hands on lethal weapons."

"I hate to break it to you Double-D, but I think Ed would be dangerous even without a weapon if not more so."

Double-D nodded, "I know he is. I know what he can do with just his bare hands when he's in a bad mood. What I'm worried about is what will happen once he gets truly violent."

The two sipped on their water.

Shryke attempted to change the subject, "So…do you have any family where you came from?"

Double-D shrugged, "I only have my parents, who are actually away from my hometown as well at the moment. I hardly ever see them much to begin with, and now they're on a business trip and won't be back for a few months. How about you?"

"I honestly don't remember my parents. All I can recall is I had some and then one day, I didn't have any. My older brother raised me after that."

"I see…forgive my curiosity." Double-D drank more water.

"It's fine. You know, I have to ask, what do you see in our quote 'fearless leader' unquote? I have a hard time seeing anyone putting up with him for too long."

Double-D spat the water out, "Um, Shryke, are you implying Eddy and I are together? We most definitely aren't."

Shryke raised an eyebrow, "You and Eddy aren't a couple?"

Double-D pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration, "Why does everyone assume that?"

Shryke shrugged, "It just seems like there's something between you two."

"Let me make this clear, Shryke: Eddy, Ed, and I are like brothers to each other. For most of my life they were my best- no, they were my only friends. If it weren't for them dragging me out of the house everyday, and putting up with my neurotic antics, I probably would've become a lonely shut-in."

"Okay…if not him, do you have a girl or anyone waiting for ya back home?"

"No... I've never been in any relationship. At most I've had a stalker before...and I'm just glad she and her sisters moved out of town last year."

"Sounds like you were a popular guy wherever you came from."

"Unfortunately, yes. That isn't always a good thing, too many unsavory rumors kept growing from a garden of misunderstandings."

"…yeah, that sounds bad."

The two drank more water.

"You know Double-D…I think I forgot to properly thank you for getting me out of that dismal town." Shryke told him.

Double-D smiled, "You're very welcome Shryke, is now a good time to ask you about the Tech Hunters?"

Shryke sheepishly smiled, "Well, yeah, but uh, I was on my first expedition, and you know how horribly that ended. I'm not much of a Tech Hunter yet."

"I see, but you would know where to find them?"

"I mean, yeah? They have stores in several towns, outposts here and there, and three independent cities."

"Cities?" Double-D took out the map, "Could you point them out on the map?"

"Well, I've only been to one." Shryke pointed at a spot east from the swamp on the map, past a forest, "Flat's Lagoon, the easiest way to get there is through Shem, but that place is crawling with Beak Things."

Double-D frowned, "Oh joy. What about the other two?"

Shryke pointed north of the towns Eddy marked when they were in the Holy Nation, "Somewhere up here is the University of Machinists, the brains of the Tech Hunters."

"Ironic, a place of learning is so close to a backwards-thinking country."

"I was told the University believes the Holy Nation's people aren't all bad, in fact, that's where they get a lot of their best recruits. People who are sick of being told how to think and willing to give up safety for freedom."

"Regardless, I'd rather avoid the so-called Holy Nation. What about the last one?"

Shryke pointed a bit west of the continent's east coast, "Over here is apparently the Tech Hunters' main headquarters, and a massive library."

Double-D smiled, "A library! That's exactly what I need! Do they have books on advanced technology? Preferably for transportation?"

"Uh…I have never been there, so I don't know. We'd have to see it for ourselves."

Double-D took out some paper and pencils, "Then that will be our next destination, I'll chart a course."

"It's literally on the other side of the continent, and we'd have to cross Venge…" Shryke pointed at what looked to be a mountain range.

Double-D narrowed his eyes on the mountain range on the map, "What's Venge?"

"It's where the giant beams of burning death are." Shryke flatly told him.

Double-D quickly looked at Shryke, "I'm sorry, what?"

Shryke shrugged, "Giant beams of burning death. You can see them all the way from Flat's Lagoon. They tend to burn up anyone who tries crossing it."

"...nothing can ever be normal in this world, can it?"

"Nope." said the bartender.

Double-D gave the bartender a glare, "Do you MIND?"

The bartender smirked, "Keep giving me that look, and I'll toss you out, flatskin."

Double-D took a deep breath, "My apologies, that was unbecoming of me. May I have another water?"

The bartender set down a bottle of rum and a small cup, pouring a little bit of rum in and pushing it to Double-D, "Here flatskin, just one shot, it'll calm down even the Hundred Guardians in the midst of battle."

Double-D looked at the cup for a moment and contemplated. He had already gotten high off of hashish a few days earlier, and his life was in constant danger. So why not? He downed the shot and handed the cup back, "Thank you."

The bartender set down another bottle of water for Double-D, "Yeah, yeah, this happens every other week.'

Shryke coughed, "Speaking of libraries, I noticed you've been reading one of those books the Tech Hunters sell."

Double-D turned to her, "I have, well I have been trying to." Double-D took out the book he had, "There's something odd about it. I've tried reading it several times, but it seems…unfinished. As if there are several pages missing."

Shryke nodded, "That's because it is unfinished. My brother told me that you're better off taking multiple books, ripping them apart, and putting them back together in an order that makes sense. Pretty much all of them are notes left behind by several Tech Hunters, and one set of notes by themselves can only get you so far."

Double-D blinked a few times, "You…the Tech Hunters haven't just taken a collection of all their notes and compiled them into an encyclopedia of sorts?"

"What's an encyclopedia?"

Double-D slapped his forehead, "...well, it looks like I will have to do that myself."

…

"Let me get this straight, you want us to risk our lives to see a library?" Eddy asked the next morning.

Double-D and Shryke had spent the rest of the night plotting out a route from Admag to the Tech Hunter Library. The course on the map started with their current position in Admag, they would begin their journey by traveling to Squin, and then to the Hub. From there, they would cross the Border Zone until they reached Venge; then, they would either cross Venge in its entirety or risk going through Shem and head for Flat's Lagoon to take a shortcut. Once past Venge, they would head east until they found the Tech Hunter city.

"We are already risking our lives every day we are in this world, Eddy. We might as well do it in pursuit of our goals." Double-D replied.

"Point for Double-D!" Ed announced.

"Since when are you keeping score?" Eddy asked.

"You said you're going through Venge? Should be simple enough." Crumblejon told them.

"Yeah, all we gotta do is bypass beams of burning death." Eddy sarcastically remarked.

Crumblejon shrugged, "That's easy to do, just cross at night. The beams don't appear at night."

"They don't?" Double-D asked, looking over at Shryke.

"I uh, never noticed that." Shryke told them, "I was only at Flat's Lagoon during the day."

"30 - Love, Double-D." Ed announced.

"This isn't tennis, Ed!" Double-D told him.

Ed snickered to himself. Beep tried to imitate him.

"If I may, one point for Lord Eddy is that all of us aren't ready for such a trek across the continent." Ruka interjected.

Crumblejon nodded, "She's right, we all barely got across Vain in one piece. I can see you all trained with the dummies they got here, but we're all going to need a lot more. The giant beams of burning death are the least of the threats they got out there."

Double-D tapped his chin, "That is a good point…"

"30 - 15!" Ed announced.

"Ed, please!" Double-D pleaded, "Well, what would you suggest, Mr. Crumblejon?"

"Mainly that we find better training equipment and travel gear." Crumblejon told him.

"We can just make money for the gear." Eddy suggested.

Double-D rubbed his chin, "As for the training equipment…could we perhaps…build some?"

Crumblejon shrugged, "Probably, but I have no idea how to make them."

"Plus, I doubt the ninjas will let us build them here." Ruka added.

"Then we need to relocate." Eddy pointed at the Hub, "We've been sidetracked for too long, it's time we headed back to home base!"

"Finally! I've been wanting to see it." said Shryke.

"Home sweet home!" Ed cheered.

"Will Beep have a home too?" Beep asked.

Ed hugged Beep, "Yeah! You can live with me, Beep!"

"Beep!"

Double-D nodded, "Well, I believe our plan is set. First, we reach the Hub, then we start preparing ourselves for a cross-country excursion. I assume there are no objections?"

Nobody had any.

"Then we'd best be on our way, unless there's other matters to attend to while we're here?" Double-D looked around the group.

Eddy smiled, "Oh yeah, there is one last thing we gotta do."

"What's that, Eddy?"

"Your appointment with the plastic surgeon!"

"My what?"

Eddy grabbed Double-D and pulled him downstairs to the ground floor of the tower where the Shinobi Thieves' plastic surgeon was cleaning a few of his tools. Why would the Shinobi Thieves have such a specialist working for them? Well, mainly to get a new identity should they ever run afoul of the law. Also, for new haircuts, which was a nice bonus.

"Okay, do you need your face changed or something?" the plastic surgeon apathetically asked as Eddy approached.

Eddy shook his head, "Nah, why change perfection? But help my buddy here, he's got something really rough on his head." Eddy put Double-D in the chair.

Double-D grasped his hat for dear life, "Eddy! This is going too far! I don't want a complete stranger to do anything to my head!"

The plastic surgeon shrugged, "Kid, I've been doing this for decades, ain't nothing-"

Eddy then pulled off Double-D's hat.

"NARKO'S BALLS! WHAT IS THAT?" The plastic surgeon screamed, eyes now wide in shock and terror.

What was under Double-D's hat? Your guess is as good as mine.

Double-D pulled his hat back on, with his face red with embarrassment and rage. "May we please go now? I'm going to die of embarrassment!"

The plastic surgeon suddenly grabbed him, "No! Please, THIS WILL BE MY MAGNUM OPUS!" He set Double-D down on a chair and took out a tool kit. From the kit, he took out blades, hammers, hashish, a welding torch- whoa, is he even going to use that?

"Uh…" Eddy started to sweat as he saw the surgery instruments.

The plastic surgeon started by striking the welding arc on.

"IS THAT REALLY NECESSARY?" Double-D cried out.

"YES!" cried out the surgeon. He then turned towards everyone watching in awe, "NOW THE REST OF YOU GET OUT! I NEED ISOLATION!"

One of the ninjas raised an arm, "Uh, did you just mean some of us or-"

"GET OUT!"

…

Sometime later, most of the group were waiting in anticipation outside of the Thieves' Tower while Eddy was being restrained by three of the Shinobi Thieves as he tried to get back into the tower.

"Let me in! That maniac's gonna kill him!" Eddy cried out.

"Nah, that'd be bad for business." said the Thief Boss.

The tower's door then opened, the surgeon stumbled out with his arms raised high to the sky, "MY MASTERPIECE IS COMPLETE!" He screamed before collapsing onto the ground.

Behind him stepped out an unbelievable sight. Double-D walked out of the tower slowly with ridiculously long black hair with bangs passing his head, and back hair that reached far down to his rear. The light around him sparkled as he swished his hair involuntarily as he moved his head.

"HOLY COW!" Eddy cried out.

Ed started to sob, "He's...SO BEAUTIFUL!"

Shryke and Ruka fainted from the incredible sight.

"Beep." Beeped Beep.

Crumblejon shrugged, "Eh, I've seen better."

Double-D put his hat back on, "Yes, well, that was yet another traumatizing experience I've had in this mad world…shall we get going?"