Harry Potter was a happy child. He got to sleep in the top bunk of him and Dudley's bunk beds. He got to play with Ms. Figg's cats whenever he asked. He got to go out to the park every week at least once, in the summer anyway. He got to live with his Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon and Dudley and Dahlia, who he loved very much. He knew that he was his favorite Uncle Sev's favorite nephew. That made him feel warm and happy inside when he thought about it. And now, he got to go to a real school with Dudley and their best friends Piers and Robin! Robin was the oldest girl in the class, and Piers was the youngest boy. A lot of the kids at recess said they thought it was weird the siblings were in the same class together, but Harry thought it was great, just like how him and Dudley got to be in the same class. Who wouldn't want to go to school and spend all their time with their closest sibling?
Harry quickly decided he loved school.
At the start of the first day, they went around the room saying their names and something about themselves. Harry got to learn all about his classmates' families and pets, which was really cool. Dudley proudly announced he had a new baby sister at home when it was his turn and talked about playing peekaboo with Dahlia. Harry shared that he didn't have any pets himself but had a good friend with a lot of cats, and that if he could have his own pet, he'd probably want a snake because it would be cool to talk to and wouldn't make a big mess so it wouldn't bother his aunt. She didn't like the house to get dirty. His favorite kind of snake was just a garter snake, because he'd met one at the park and knew they were nice, but he'd also heard about cobras and boa constrictors and adders on telly and thought those sounded neat too. He also thought dogs would be really fun pets because he liked playing with Aunt Marge's dogs when she brought one. But she made having dogs sound like hard work. Harry wasn't sure he could learn the finer points of grooming, breeding, training and comfort-mashing that Aunt Marge said were very, very important to being a dog owner. Maybe it wouldn't be so hard if some of his new classmates could do it already? Or maybe a cheetah would be the funnest pet because his Uncle Sev had said they were really, really fast. That would be fun for playing tag and fetch... and then the teacher said he had really good answers but they should ask the next student in line, Priscilla Rand, what she wanted to share with the class. That was fine by Harry.
After they were done with sharing, they got to sing some songs. Some of them Harry already knew, but some he didn't. He liked learning them. He could sing them for Dahlia later! And then they did counting and ABC's. And then it was recess, and Harry and Dudley played tag and swung on the swings. And then it was lunch. And then it was naptime, which was fun as they got to push desks out of the way to make room for their cots. Harry was so excited he didn't sleep much though. And then they did coloring and got to learn about the different kinds of flowers they were coloring. Harry colored a sunflower, and Dudley colored an iris. Harry told the teacher their grandma's name was Iris. And then the teacher read a book to them. And then it was the end of the day!
Aunt Petunia was waiting for them as Harry and Dudley left the schoolyard. She caught them up in a tight hug and started asking all about their school day. Once all her questions were answered and they were walking towards the park on the way home, it was Dudley who asked, "Mummy, can we get a pet snake?"
Petunia looked down at her son in surprise. "A pet snake? Why would you want one of those?"
"Harry made a company-argue-mint for it." Harry smiled and nodded proudly, both at Dudley's support and because Uncle Sev always said Harry or Dudley had made a company-argue-mint when he agreed to get them icecreams this summer. Hopefully, it would work on Aunt Petunia too. She liked mint candy. And Harry would like a pet.
Petunia grinned and chuckled, though something in her laugh sounded different. Maybe like she was thinking about something else that wasn't funny at the same time as she was laughing. Grownups did that sometimes. "Oh yes? Let's hear it then."
Harry readily launched into his explanation: Snakes were cool. They were pretty. They were clean and didn't smell like Ms. Figg's cats and Aunt Marge's dogs did. They were quiet. The garter snake he talked to at the park said it only ate once a week or less, so they sounded easy to take care of. This was important because Harry knew Petunia couldn't spare time from Dahlia to help much with a pet, so it would be Harry and Dudley's responsibility, and it would be bad if they had a pet like a dog or cat that was too hard to take care of even though a dog would be really, really, really fun and hopefully something they could have in the future once they'd proven themselves with the snake? Priscilla said her parents let her and her older brother do almost everything their dog needed - feeding and walks and poops and grooming and stuff - and the only thing her parents did was buy supplies and take it to the vet sometimes.
"I'll think about it. I don't know about a snake, but maybe a turtle," Petunia said. "Definitely no dog, sorry boys."
Harry shrugged, not overly put out. "I've never seen a real turtle before. I be they're fun to talk to too."
"And that's the other thing, Harry. I don't want you to go telling everyone about talking to snakes."
Dudley cocked his head to one side. "How come? He already told everyone at school. During sharing time."
Petunia made a funny face, like she was biting a lemon but only for a second. "Of course... well, don't tell anyone else."
"Why?"
"It's a secret."
"Oh," both boys chorused. Harry thought for a moment. He was used to the secret game by now, even if he wasn't very good at it. Now he was confused, though. "How can it be a secret if everyone already knows? An' I thought this week my secret was you hiding half of Uncle Sev's chocolates in the laundry cupboard?"
"Really?! There's more?!" Dudley squealed.
"You can each have a chocolate when we get home. Listen to me, Harry. Talking to snakes isn't a secret for this week. It's a secret forever."
Harry wrinkled his nose. "Why?"
His aunt took a deep breath. "Because not everyone can talk to snakes, Harry, and you might accidentally frighten someone doing it."
Harry stared up at her for a minute. He stumbled once, but her firm grip kept him from falling as they walked. Finally, he asked, "I don't get it. Don't all snakes talk?"
Dudley piped up, "Yeah, the snake talks in Adam and Eve, and in Jungle Book... but all the animals talk in Jungle Book."
"All the animals talk in Wind in the Willows and Alice in Wonderland too... But dogs and cats don't in those. Maybe it's wild animals that talk?"
"We should go to the zoo!"
"Are pets dumb?!"
"Those books are fiction," Petunia explained. "No animals talk in real life - at least not to most people. Harry, you talking to that snake is unusual. That's why it's a secret. And we shall discuss more about it later."
"Okay. When?"
Petunia took another deep breath. Maybe she had run to the school earlier and was tired. "Christmas," she said at last.
"Huh. Alright. Can we still go to the zoo sometime?"
She smiled again, the one with thin lips where she wanted to make sure him and Dudley knew she wasn't mad and that she loved them even when she was tired or annoyed about something else. "When Dahlia's a bit bigger."
"Yes!" Dudley cried.
Later that evening, Petunia took up Sev's journal as she sat in the loo - it was the only place she had to sit down by herself anymore, and needs must. We need to tell Harry about magic this Christmas. -P
She scrawled her note quickly before turning back the page to catch up on Sev's rambling messages for her. She almost fell off the commode when she read the one gold nugget tucked in the middle of a paragraph halfway down the preceding page and quickly flipped back. YOU WENT ON A DATE?! -P
Thank God Sev's response was quick. Alright. And what? -S
To Hogsmeade! With call-me-by-my-first-name-Anastasia! -P
It's not like that. We were merely both scheduled to supervise the students on the first Hogsmeade weekend of the year -S
Poppycock. She asked you to 'show her around' the 'quaint' village and spent the whole day with you. You've mentioned her literally every day you've been back to work. You know way too many things about her family for mere recent professional acquaintances. It was definitely a date -P
A pause, then, That would explain why she looked offended when I suggested we could cover more ground patrolling the town separately -S
You DIDN'T!-P
No, I didn't, since it was clearly her preference to stay together -S
Maybe you are actually gay? -P
I think I would be the first to know -S
We clearly can't count on your emotional intelligence. Have you never dated anyone before? -P
A much longer pause. Not seriously -S
Petunia might have let out a little, girlish squeal of excitement just then. FIRST DATE? TELL ME EVERYTHING! -P
Christ, Petunia, this was not a big deal -S
Of course it was, and you'll mess it up if you don't treat it like it was. DON'T MESS THIS UP, SEVERUS SNAPE -P
I'm not a character in one of your soaps -S
No, you're my friend and therefore obligated to listen to my good advice -P
I'm going to bed -S
Like hell. I will lose sleep for this. I will figure out how to send one of those exploding letters if you stop writing now -S
I should never have told you about those -S
To late now. Now, TELL ME! -P
Author's note: apologies. Harry is five, so he speaks and thinks in runon sentences. It might be cute, but I'll own it's hard to read. Translations: comfort-mashing = conformation and company-argue-mint = compelling argument. Was showing Anastasia around Hogsmeade a date? Who knows! (Probably; Snape's just operating under the assumption that he is undateable despite his recent haircut and other mounting evidence to the contrary). But Petunia is a stay-at-home-mum going mildly insane from 24/7 mothering right now so she is going to live vicariously through her friends whether they like it or not... Thanks for the reviews! Hopefully can continue every 2-ish weeks updates...