A door chime rang, in one of the finest hillside estates near the town of New Centrif on the beautiful planet of Naboo.
Several seconds later, an elderly man in flowing robes opened the door.
"Yes?" he asked, before taking a step back at the sight of the dozen individuals in identical black robes. "...oh, Sheev sent you, did he?"
"Sheev is dead," one of the robed men replied. "I am the Rising, named successor to Yupe Tashu who fell on Jakku. I await confirmation to become the viceroy of the Eternal. We have need of you."
"Dead? Really?" Ken Palpatine asked. "You're sure?"
The robed men exchanged glances.
"...how did you not notice?" the Rising asked, hesitantly. "He was on board a space station which exploded with enormous violence. It was all over the holonet last year. The Empire has been collapsing for months."
"Oh, I don't pay much attention to the news," Ken said, shaking his head querulously. "I know how much of it is nonsense. Dead? You're certain?"
"Yes," the Rising replied, a mite testily. "We have need of you."
Ken frowned.
"I'm not sure what you could possibly need me for," he said. "Sheev did rely on me a bit during the Clone Wars when he absolutely needed to be in two places at once, but that was decades ago. I'm a bit out of practice pretending to be him."
"You are the twin of the Dark Lord of the Sith," the Rising stated. "You are his blood. You are the best choice to lead the Sith Eternal."
"What about that apprentice he had?" Ken asked. "You know, Anakin. Vader. That one."
"He killed your brother, and is also dead," the Rising answered. "For both of those reasons, especially combined, he cannot lead the Sith Eternal."
Ken still seemed a bit confused.
"Isn't there anyone else?" he asked. "Sheev always has other plans. I know that much about him. He planned the death of our father when he was very young, you know. Precocious. I was never like that."
"Had," the Rising told him. "Though… we did not come to you first."
"I should hope not, if it's been a year," Ken said, shaking his head. "Or you'd have been very lost. Who did you try, then?"
Another exchange of glances.
"We began by attempting to clone Sidious," one of the other cultists said.
"Oh, yes, that was his cult name, wasn't it?" Ken asked. "Oh, I haven't thought about that in years. It's quite nostalgic… where were we? I do apologize, you mustn't let me get distracted like that."
The Rising rubbed his temples.
"We attempted to clone Sheev," he said. "Unfortunately attempting to flash-grow a clone that force-sensitive did… not go well. The result has skin that looks like corduroy and it's impossible that anyone is going to think it's you. I mean Sheev. Whichever. And there is no sign of his spirit returning from after death."
Ken blinked at him.
"...you think that's possible?" he asked. "If it was possible, how would any Sith ever die? The galaxy would be full of them."
That led to some muttering among the cultists.
"Not the point," the Rising said, firmly. "The point is, we're not sure what to do with the corduroy clone – but you are the best choice we have to lead the Sith Eternal."
"I'm not a Sith, though," Ken protested. "Which sort of puts a damper on the whole plan, I'd say."
"That is a problem that can be solved," the Rising replied. "We will teach you."
"...I can't use the Force," Ken replied.
"You can," the Rising told him. "You have not been taught. We will teach you."
"I'm over eighty years old," Ken said. "Are you sure I can learn?"
"I don't see why not," the Rising answered. "It might take decades to become as proficient as Sheev was, but you will have those decades."
Ken frowned.
"That bastard," he said, absently thinking about his twin brother who'd assured him that only one of them was able to touch the Force. "All right, whatever. I'm in."
He frowned. "And we could probably bring my son in on it, as well. He's a bit of a deadbeat, but he does have his own starship… I don't suppose you've checked him first?"
"We did, actually," the Rising replied. "He is not Force-Sensitive."
"Well, whatever," Ken said. "I suppose it'd be nice to get to be the one ordering people around again. The problem with a comfortable retirement is that you don't get much to do…"
AN:
I couldn't really call another Palpatine anything except Ken.
No Lost City of the Jedi here, though.