"Long have I waited for my grandchild to come home…" Palpatine said, then the smile fell off his face. "...you are not my grandchild."

"Yeah, we swapped jobs," Finn agreed, shrugging off a backpack and letting it drop to the floor. "Rey said she was having visions about her falling to evil and sitting on the throne of the Sith, and I said that I hadn't had any of those visions."

"Your arrogance will be your downfall, boy," Palpatine informed him. "Either I will destroy you or you will turn to the Dark Side."

Finn paused, frowning.

"...huh," he said. "You really do call it that? I guess I owe Rey an apology."

"Explain yourself," Palpatine snapped. "What are you talking about?"

"The Dark Side," Finn explained, stressing the word. "Seriously, you use that language and it's going to make me think the Force is a bit racist."

Palpatine sat in complete silence for several seconds, as his brain rebooted.

"I mean, if you were black yourself, I'd maybe buy the idea that it's meant to be a matter of pride," Finn went on. "Reclaiming the term, and all that. But then again you have this whole white power thing going on with the stormtroopers, so it's not that."

He shrugged. "And then there's the bit where you blow up planets as a hobby, because that just makes it really obvious that you're not even trying to pretend any more."

"I am going to do you the courtesy of ignoring your nonsense," Palpatine said, icily. "Make your choice. Turn to the Dark Side, or die."

Finn laughed.

"Wow," he said. "You're making that sound like it's a threat that works."

Palpatine's eye twitched.

"I escaped from the First Order and I was on a capital ship when it got hyperspace rammed," Finn said. "Also, I came here to fight you, which I think qualifies as a particularly elaborate suicide anyway."

He shrugged, walking around in a half circle. "I would like to survive this, don't get me wrong, but… like… if I don't, and you don't, I actually think that's an absolute win."

"I've made my decision," Palpatine said, with an almost glassy calm. "I'm going to kill you now."

He raised his hand, which spat lightning, and the lightning stabbed out at Finn – and vanished, as it passed over his backpack.

Finn picked the backpack up again. "Huh, they work," he said. "Lando said it would but I had to take it on trust."

Palpatine looked at his hands, then tried to blast Finn for a second time. Again the lightning vanished, then both men looked around at the sound of running feet.

"Rey, I hope you're in here!" Ben said, then skidded to a halt. "Aren't you the traitor?"

"We call ourselves the Resistance," Finn answered. "What are you doing here?"

"Running away from a dozen very angry ex-followers!" Ben replied. "I've turned back to the Light Side."

"Huh," Finn replied. "Away from the Evil Side?"

"It's called the Dark Side," Ben corrected.

"We already had this discussion before you turned up, I think the term Dark side is racist," Finn said, then Palpatine tried to electrocute him again.

"STOP IGNORING ME!" Palpatine shouted.

"I never thought of it that way, but I think it's meant to be the absence of light, as in starlight?" Ben guessed, as the sound of stampeding Knights of Ren came down the corridor.

Something exploded overhead.

"Huh, Rey must be doing well," Finn said, ignoring Palpatine. "And, yeah, I can buy that."

He reached into the backpack. "Blaster or lightsaber?"

"I don't have a lightsaber and I would really like one," Ben said, then caught the Skywalker Lightsaber as Finn threw it to him. "Thank you so much."

Finn retrieved a blaster from the bag as well, then did something that went beep.

"Five," he said, throwing the bag at Palpatine. "Four. Three."

Palpatine raised his hand to bat the backpack away, and got hit in the face by it.

For his part, Finn dove to the floor, and Ben did so as well just before Finn's count hit zero, and a thermal detonator went off.

The explosion did unfortunately kill the ysalamir in the bag, but by then Palpatine was a little bit too dead to take advantage.

AN:

Ysalamiri project an aura of force-effect nullification around themselves.

The wildlife of Myrkr is kind of bad for Palps, isn't it?