"I never wanted you dead," Sheev said, smiling in a grandfatherly sort of way, which he was terrible at. "I wanted you here… Empress Palpatine."
He gestured. "You will take the throne. It is your birthright to rule here. It is in your blood. Our blood."
"I haven't come to lead the Sith," Rey replied, then there was a loud doom doom doom sound of someone knocking on a door.
"Who is that?" Palpatine asked.
Then Luke Skywalker entered the room, limned with blue light.
So did his father, Anakin Skywalker, and Leia Organa Solo. And Yoda, hovering along on a spectral hoverchair, and Qui-Gon Jinn, and Obi-Wan Kenobi, and Count Dooku.
"...um," Rey began. "Master…s?"
"Rey," Luke replied, with a nod. "You were right, by the way."
"What is this?" Palpatine asked, his voice hushed and touched with fear. "What are you doing?"
"You never heard the story of Master Qui-Gon the Insightful?" Anakin asked.
"I'm insightful?" Qui-Gon said, sounding pleased.
"You are certainly something," Dooku said, as Yoda chuckled.
Palpatine looked like he might be about to have an aneurysm.
"It's not a story the Sith would have told you," Anakin went on, with a terrible glee in his tone. "You see, the Light Side is a path to many abilities some would consider to be… supernatural."
"Got that out of your system?" Obi-Wan asked.
"For now," Anakin shrugged.
"What-" Palpatine sputtered. "What are you – this isn't possible! You are dead! It is the Sith who can defy death!"
"The evidence suggests otherwise," Leia smiled, then cleared her throat. "Sheev Palpatine. We are formally accusing you of-"
"Um," Rey said, a bit hesitantly. "Sorry to interrupt… I recognize most of you as Jedi, but what is Count Dooku doing here?"
"Probation," Yoda stated. "Very nicely, he has asked."
"We are formally," Leia stressed, "accusing you of, among other assorted crimes, thirty-seven thousand, eight hundred and twenty-seven counts of murder by use of a blunt instrument – to whit, a Clone Army – counting only those who were members of the Jedi Order in good standing at the time of their respective deaths, though we acknowledge that the number murdered on your orders is beyond easy counting. You are accused of treason in times of war and peace alike, of enforced disappearances, of enslavement, of wilful torture, of assorted Crimes Against Sapience, and of Consorting With Ye Powers Of Darknesse, which to my surprise was still on the books of the Old Republic."
"There are, as the Princess says, many other crimes," Dooku added. "But we believe those should be enough to be getting on with. For a start."
Palpatine stared, then laughed.
"You – you are trying me?" he asked. "In what court? By what authority? I am authority! I reject your powerless, toothless threats! I am above punishment!"
"I think we'll consider that a plea of 'guilty', then," Obi-Wan said. "Wouldn't you say?"
"That sounds reasonable enough to me," Qui-Gon agreed. "All right. Grandmaster, if you would do the honours?"
Yoda raised his gimmer stick, and a bolt of lightning hit Palpatine on the head.
The Sith half-stood half-fell out of his chair, trying to hide behind it, then scowled at his own reaction and shot lightning at one of the Force Ghosts.
It passed right through Leia without doing anything at all.
Rey raised her hand.
"Am I still needed here?" she asked.
"You know, I think we can handle this ourselves?" Count Dooku said, courteously, then turned to Palpatine. "Know this, Sidious. You destroyed the Jedi Order, and now the Order will destroy you. If you return, you will be destroyed again. And again. Forty thousand angry ghosts cry out for vengeance."
Qui-Gon coughed.
"Terminology, Master," he said.
"Forty thousand annoyed ghosts seek justice," Count Dooku corrected, as more Force Ghosts began to enter the chamber – walking through the walls in ranks, their ghostly lightsabers held high. "Is that better?"
"It'll do," Obi-Wan decided. "We appreciate you making the effort."
Palpatine did not appreciate him making the effort.
AN:
Bit of a shame he made so many enemies, isn't it?