The following morning Greg used James' new-very old car to drive him to the therapist for his first appointment; "can you come in with me?" James asked, "just for the first time? You don't even have to say anything, just so I know you're there,"
Greg sighed, "I was going to go to Walmart and a couple of other stores in this hour, but sure, we can go afterwards. That way you can carry the bags,"
"Okay, good. I'll feel a lot more comfortable with you there in the room," James relaxed back.
"Hang on, I'm waiting in the lobby playing on my phone waiting for you. I'm not going to go in the room with you. That just defeats the purpose of paying $150 for this. The idea is that you can talk without me being there so you can discuss your… issues openly and you don't have to protect me from any dark feelings you might be having. The idea isn't for me to go in with you, this isn't couples' counselling," Greg clarified as he pulled into the parking lot.
James grumbled as he got out of the car and they walked inside, where a woman sitting behind the main desk checked James' as present and handed him some forms to fill out, "can I help you?" she asked the messy, middle aged white man with a cane who'd followed this guy in and had now made himself comfortable on one of the chairs and pulled out an iPhone he was playing on, "I know it's cold outside, but you can't stay in here sir, you need to go somewhere else,"
"I'm his ride," Greg called back, frowning, does she think that I'm homeless? Maybe it really is time for a shave and a haircut. In my defence, I don't really go anywhere aside from maybe the park with the kids very often…
James filled out the forms and went and handed them back, when a woman called him in, James shot the receptionist a dirty look as he stalked into the office, after shooting Greg a quick, begging look, which Greg just shook his head.
"I'm Alison," the therapist said, holding her hand out.
"James," the man responded, shaking her hand as he looked around for a seat momentarily before taking it. Alison got a good look at James, he looked a bit rough but like he could scrub up pretty well, he was quite tall; Alison was guessing about 6'2" or 6'3", he was behaving very anxiously, he was wearing baggy clothes that hung off him, he had deep, dark eyes the colour of melted dark chocolate, he had long, thick, dark brown hair that was probably a day past needing washing and had been tied back in a ponytail, but he'd since taken it out, and he was wearing a green baseball cap.
"Why don't you tell me a bit about yourself, James?" Alison asked, and James let out a shaky breath.
"Okay, can you give me a minute?" James jumped out and rushed over to the door, sticking his head out, seeing Greg playing on his phone in the lobby 5m away, "Greg," James hissed, "Greg!" to which Greg looked up at James, shook his head, and went back to playing on his phone. James let out a muffled hiss of frustration and closed the door, "sorry about that," he smiled, "what did you want to know?"
"Whatever you would like to tell me," Alison smiled back.
"What I'd like to have happen is for my partner to come in here," James stood up nervously and hung around the door, as though he was waiting for Greg to walk in at any moment.
"Why don't we talk about you a bit first and we'll get to know each other first and then we'll see what we can do," Alison offered.
James laughed darkly, "yeah right, the last time that a doctor said that to me I was then locked up in a loony bin," he hung back around the door for a couple more minutes, before conceding defeat and walking back to the chair. "There isn't anything especially important to know about me, I grew up in Canada, I met my now partner at a party, I lived in New Jersey for 20 years, and my partner and I went on a road trip to South Dakota to visit their 'family' nearly a year ago now- or at least it feels that way- and we just ended up staying here on the way back. My partner has some relatives here too,"
Alison's eyebrows shot up at the air quotes around 'family' but kept that to herself for now, thinking that's probably a larger topic to cover. "Okay, well I'm not sending you anywhere or telling anyone anything that you tell me, okay? So why don't you tell me about some of the things that happened between those life events? What lead you here, to be sitting in that chair today?"
James chuckled darkly again and rolled his head back to look at the ceiling, "so much, so, so much. I don't know where to start with any of this to be honest with you. I got told that I needed to seek therapy when I got out of hospital in South Dakota, and my partner is making me stick to that… I was told that I had BPD… borderline personality disorder… and that's why they told me to seek therapy. My partner insisted that I go through with coming here, especially now that the anorexia has flared up again,"
"Anorexia and BPD are a big mix, she's a smart woman…" Alison mentioned.
"Uhh, man, my partner is a man," James muttered, "the same one in fact that your receptionist keeps trying to herd out of the building,"
"Okay, well I'll stop that now if you like, make sure that he stays here," Alison blushed at having just automatically assumed that this guy was straight, and when he nodded back, she walked quickly out of the room, and went and whispered something to the receptionist who nodded and apologised. Alison walked over and paused in front of the only man sitting in the reception area. He was pretty scruffy in fairness to the receptionist and was sitting there playing on his phone; he glared up at Alison darkly with hypnotically beautiful, yet cold blue eyes; "what?" he snarled.
"Nothing," Alison forced a smile back, but felt this guy staring straight through her, and went back to the room.
"I met your partner out in the lobby," she told James with a plastered-on smile.
"Oh, God, no," James muttered, "what was he doing? What did he say?"
"He's fine, he's sitting out there on his phone and that's all," she smiled back, "he has very blue eyes, doesn't he?"
"Yeah, I guess so," James muttered with a frown, "is he okay though?" and Alison nodded.
"He didn't seem particularly interested in talking to me, which is fair- he's just on his phone," Alison shrugged.
"He takes a while to warm up to people. He does have reasons to be that way however," James nodded.
"Why don't you tell me a bit about him? About everything?" Jessica questioned, and James raised an eyebrow, "it doesn't matter what you tell me, James, I can't tell anyone anything that you say. Therapist-patient confidentiality,"
"Okay… well, we met over twenty years ago now, we were both at a huge party at a bar, I was going through a nasty breakup at the time and some bastard kept playing this song; 'leave a tender moment' on the juke box, I asked them to stop, and they wouldn't… then I just saw red, I guess. The next thing I knew I'd caused about ten thousand dollars worth of damage in the bar; and was knelt over the top of this guy just pummelling him; beat him half to death. I was arrested and taken into jail and charged with aggravated assault and unlawful property damage… but I got my point across," James stated.
Alison's eyes went wide; "and the guy that you beat up, is the same guy who you are now dating? That's how you two met?"
James laughed darkly again; "actually, no. I never found out what happened to that guy; just that he was bleeding heavily and had the back of his head smashed in by the time that the cops pulled me off. Greg was actually the guy who bailed me out of jail. He didn't know me but saw the whole thing and just said that I 'seemed interesting'. Which, coming from him is a huge compliment,"
"So, you met your now partner because he bailed you, as a total stranger, out of jail- after watching you attempt to beat a man to death?" Alison began to feel a sinking feeling that this guy (and possibly his partner, too) might be a bit too much to deal with as someone fresh into working in psychology on their own.
"Pretty much," James shrugged, "we quickly became best friends, I supported him through a life changing surgery that left him with a crippled leg, and he supported me through three marriages and three divorces; and then I eventually confessed my love to him. As well as smaller things that have happened over the past two decades. We worked together in adjourning offices, and over the years became closer and closer. He had a rough childhood, and he really needs to deal with it. So, the deal was that he would try out seeing a therapist if I sought out help from a therapist for my BPD and anorexia, which has flared up again," James continued, glad that he'd taken the pot brownie that Greg had given him before the appointment was now taking effect and he could talk openly with less anxiety.
"Oh, okay," Alison mumbled, writing something down in her notepad.
"It's been effecting our relationship somewhat," James admitted, "see, he was a victim of extreme childhood sexual abuse and incest at the hands of his father and uncle, who also sold him to other sick people to use and abuse and film and do whatever they liked to him for the right price. He was raped most nights by at least his father or uncle, and he says that they had these 'parties' where the sick bastards would sell him to anyone who had money at least twice a week. And this went on from the ages of three until he was about fifteen,"
James continued, barely aware of his motor mouth; "he has night terrors and panic attacks quite often; even though it hasn't happened in a long time, nearly thirty years… It makes it tricky because I have a super high sex drive; and I like sex of a… darker variety. I like to act out consensual non-consent, and violent or very rough and physical kind of fantasies. He doesn't like that so much. He's a lot more… vanilla. So, for example, last night I got really frustrated at him because he wasn't in the mood for sex and said he was tired after being at home with the kids all day, who are five and two; as well as tired from being worried about my eating and meals. I tried pressuring him, I pushed him into having consensual non-consent sex with me after he had put the five-year-old to bed. He ended up fighting me and then flipping his lid in his head and ended up performing that on me in a super frenzied state. I found it to be amazing and so euphoric, he demeaned me, and whipped and then strangled me with his belt and fucked me so hard that I thought he was going to tear something," James laughed, "I could even show you the cuts and bruises on my back, and look," he pulled down his hoody to show off the thin bruised lines from strangulation with a belt while he grinned widely, "it was so hot. I begged him to go again, but when he was talking really nasty to me, something went off in his brain, and then he went soft before he came in me, which was disappointing,"
Alison looked at James, trying to conceal her disgust. This guy is delusional, or something. I think he might be under the influence right now? Either way, I think that this might be too much for me to deal with… this is a rabbit hole I don't know that I want to go down.
Alison continued listening to James' mutterings and ravings for the rest of the hour, and he eventually mentioned having consumed an unknown strength weed edible before the session as well as having dipped into other, interacting drugs, including LSD- highlighting the negative side effects of what was likely a bad batch of edibles, well that answers that question Alison thought grimly. The combined effect of the drugs were beginning to take a more negative, aggressive potency towards the end of the hour, and James' answers to the questions became a lot more precise, and he was becoming increasingly, extremely guarded and paranoid. He was snapping at Alison over something she wasn't quite sure what it was even about. Eventually her timer finally went off and she began wrapping up the session; and escorting James out to the lobby, watching him approach who was certainly Greg, putting his arms around his shoulders lovingly. "I love you, Greggy, will you marry me?"
"Has he been like this the whole time?" Greg frowned at the therapist, who just nodded.
"He has been very… emotional. It definitely helped him… open up about things, that's for sure, but nothing really got achieved. If I'm being honest as well, it sounds from what he's told me that he might need a more specialised therapist who deals with these kinds of issues he brought up… which I'm sure you can imagine what they might be. I'm happy to keep seeing him and seeing if I can help if you like though, of course. If you do bring him back, please make sure that he's sober next time,"
"Okay, Cheech and Chong," Greg muttered, as they headed out towards the car, "Jesus Christ, you're sensitive to this crap, aren't you?" James just nodded his head dumbly, to which Greg rolled his eyes and sighed, "well, that's surely $150 down the drain. I only have myself to blame, I only have myself to blame..." Greg repeated to himself, "are you going to be able to get in the car alright?"
"Yerr…" James slurred, tugging on the door handle, before kicking out at it in frustration, "'tupid door!"
"Let me unlock the car before you beat it into the ground, James," Greg sighed, as he got in, and reached over to open up the passenger side door, James more or less fell into the car, James then attempted to help by pulling the seatbelt around him but seeming to not be able to find the receiver right next to him. "James, this isn't just weed, what else did you take? You can tell me, I won't get mad, I promise," Greg reassured him, clicking the seatbelt in for him. When James eventually confirmed to having also taken an unknown amount of LSD, as well as several Vicodin; Greg had to really work to suppress his growing rage. "Well, there's nothing that we can do except for keeping an eye on you, and riding this out; where did you get LSD from anyway?" when James didn't answer but just stared, wide eyed ahead, Greg sighed and shook his head, "it doesn't matter, you're hallucinating like crazy right now, I'm not even going to bother with trying to hold a conversation with you at the moment,"
They got back to the house, where Josie answered the door to see Greg leaning heavily on his cane, and James practically draped over him, grinning like the Cheshire cat, nearly tipping Greg over; "he's an idiot," Greg muttered, "that's all there is to say on the matter. I just wasted $150 and he's going to need to be watched until this passes,"
Rob walked out, "oh, for heck's sake!" he growled, rushing over and pulling James' arm around his shoulders and pulling him off Greg, who he was about to tip over. "Did you eat any special candies today, James?"
"Shhhh, don't tell Greggy," James grinned back, his eyes glazed over.
"Were they yellow?" Rob asked, and James nodded dumbly again, "okay, and how many did you take?" Rob followed up, James paused for a minute or two and Rob repeated the question, "James. How many yellow candies did you eat out of the bag?" James thought about it for a minute longer and then held up three fingers; "that's about what I figured," Rob growled, "your boyfriend has been stealing my LSD from the top cupboard,"
"James!" Greg hissed, "I'm so sorry Uncle Rob," Greg apologised, "as soon as he's sober enough to have any idea of what he's doing, he'll be getting a telling off of a lifetime," Greg dragged the complaining James down the staircase, ignoring his whining and delusional muttering. "Lie down!" Greg growled, trying to force his boyfriend to sit and then lie down on the bed. Greg then laid down next to him, feeling like steam was about to rush out of his ears.
"Let's have sex," James grinned, and rolled over trying to pin Greg down.
"Nope, I am not doing that again," Greg snapped, standing up, "James, don't you understand that I'm angry at you? I am so, so mad at you! You complete and utter idiot!"
James' eyes welled with tears, "please don't be mad at me, Greggy,"
"Don't call me that! Got it? Don't call me that!" Greg yelled, starting to pace back and forth.
James just stared straight through Greg, clearly James was launched off somewhere in the stratosphere. Greg sighed and sat down on a chair next to the bed, watching James and waiting for the LSD to fade out of his system, and for James to return to his normal self.