A/N: So... It's been a while. To be honest, the explanation isn't very complicated: FFN is a dying site, unfortunately. For the last month and change, I haven't been able to upload because I don't write in FFN's Doc Manager. So, when I would go to upload the chapter, it would remove all formatting. I tried everything I could think of: different browsers, entirely different computers, different file formats... even tried uploading from the app. It's gotten to the point where I'm not sure how much longer I'll be able to upload here. That sucks. Posting this story here has been... pretty much the only consistent thing in my life over the last four years. At the same time, I'd hate for all of you, who have invested so much time reading it here, to lose that too. I've been procrastinating on writing an apology, saying I'd be moving to a different site. Half of it was because I didn't want to, and the other half was me hoping, by some miracle, I'd be able to upload here. I was actually just getting on to finally write it and decided to try one more time and... it worked! So here, finally, is chapter 94. I will continue posting as long as I can but I don't have faith in FFN. To that end, I've been rewriting and uploading this to SB. If you're interested in reading the changes I've made, and if this site finally does go tits up, check it out over there. Anyway, that's enough rambling from me, leave a review if you're so inclined and, as always, enjoy!
Chapter 94: What's Left?
Once they had the Brotherhood members changed and clothes searched, Nate, Glory, and Victor began disassembling Helen's T-60 to check for signs of tampering or a tracker. The ex-Knight protested. She even tried to shove her way past Damon to stop them. The SPARTAN pulled her away from the group while Pam stood guard with the Ghouls in front of the rest. She wasn't quiet about her disapproval.
Nate was well aware of how protective the armored corps was of their armor before the war. From his short time with the Brotherhood, he knew how attached they were to theirs. He could even empathize to a degree. Yes, every piece of equipment is theoretically replaceable.
That didn't mean he didn't wish he had his old rifle with him.
Why Damon had pulled her away wasn't difficult to figure out either. Nate had little doubt he'd spent more time in his armor than out of it since he was a kid—well, a younger kid.
30 seconds later, the two of them were back. Helen stomped to her team while Damon stopped in front of Nate.
"Treat it right", was all the armored titan said before returning to his position beside the defecting Brotherhood members. It wasn't an order or demand; he said it softly. At least, as softly as he did outside of times like the other day. It felt more like he was asking a favor than telling them what to do.
"Can do", Nate replied and turned back to the armor.
He was passingly familiar with how to strip a suit of T-60 in the field. The units were designed to be modular and easily serviced. That meant it took minimal tooling to remove armored plates and auxiliary components.
They were careful while disassembling the armor. Victor volunteered to organize and catalog the components as they stripped it down to the frame.
Once it was all laid out, the three of them went over every inch of the frame and every piece of armor.
Short of disassembling the helmet, something none of them had the tools or expertise to do, there was nothing that might be a transmitter besides the comm system built into the armor. That, they disconnected.
"Looks clean", Glory said after almost 45 minutes of working on the armor. She turned to Helen. "I know you guys are touchy about your gear, we all are. We just gotta be careful, you know."
The ex-knight pursed her lips. "I mean, you already blew up two of our suits so not like this is as bad as that."
"Yes", Nate interjected, "we're sorry about that. If we didn't think it was absolutely necessary, we wouldn't have."
"I understand. It's the only reason we agreed to it. That doesn't mean anyone's happy." She shrugged. It was sharp and unnatural looking. "We're soldiers, we'll do what we need to."
Nate nodded. "We know you're sacrificing a lot. I know from experience. Sometimes it's… hard to listen to your conscience. Having to leave like this makes it even harder. I outsourced mine to my superiors. Not an easy thing to take back."
"What is that supposed to mean?" one of the other soldiers asked.
"It's…" the ex-soldier frowned. "Sometimes it's easier to let someone else tell you what right and wrong are. You aren't doing that. You're helping us and our people. And whoever else we can help save. I'm… not the best at saying "thanks" but- well, that's what I'm trying to say. Thanks."
Helen was standing stock-still, hands clasped behind her back. She could have been straight out of his time in the infantry.
"You're welcome", she said. It was terse but it was there.
Sensing the 'moment' was over, Damon retrieved one of the tablets and marched to a corner beside the kitchen area. It was a decent spot to watch the rest of the room's occupants.
Nate likewise picked one up off the table and unlocked its screen. The report was dense—the heat map was just the surface. It had information on the rate of spread, incubation period, fatalities, estimated timeline, figures on severity, and more. It was probably more information than they needed or could use.
But they had to try. The more they could limit the spread, the fewer resources they'd have to spend defending weakened areas or outright lose.
It pained him to sit in the basement while people could be spreading this disease, whether they knew it or not. That was in no small part to the knowledge that his son was responsible for it. How many people would die because of this? He remembered, after Damon had broken into Dr. Virgil's lab, Shaun had told Damon the SPARTAN had killed more people on his own than Shaun had ordered.
That was… probably true but, even at his worst, Nate couldn't imagine the armored titan doing something like this. He couldn't imagine the kid unleashing a manufactured disease into an unprepared populace to weaken his enemies.
Then again, maybe he would have done that.
Do I really think so? Or am I just trying to make myself feel better?
It was probably the second part. And, at the end of the day, he just didn't know. What matters now is stopping this thing.
Unfortunately, Nate knew the most direct way to do it. And he had no doubt Damon was thinking the same thing.
The ex-soldier stalked over to the SPARTAN. He was sitting against the wall reading.
Damon looked up from the screen as Nate approached. The others were moving behind him, some quiet talking. This conversation needed to be between the two of them. No one there knew Shaun, Father, the leader of the Institute, was his son.
This- shame didn't begin to describe how this felt. Yes, Damon was right about things being different had Nate been there. At least, he liked to think so. But this was his son and he wasn't there.
The baby he'd brought home from the hospital with an exhausted Nora, white-knuckling the steering wheel the entire 30-minute drive. The baby he'd watched Cook, his enormous best friend, cry like a little kid while holding. The baby Nora had died trying to protect. The baby Nate had gone through hell to get back.
He was the one who did this.
Damon didn't say anything as Nate stopped in front of him. The SPARTAN just held his gaze, calm and quiet. Waiting. Did he not want to be the one to suggest it? Honestly, this might be easier for Nate if he did.
But that was selfish. It wasn't fair to anyone to expect them to take that burden from him—least of all Damon, considering his own familial history.
"We need to go to the Institute", Nate said quietly, reluctantly. "If they really did make this, if they're right about the Institute having countermeasures, it's the fastest way to get a treatment for people. And we can't let them do anything like this again."
The supersoldier waited a beat before nodding. "You said you had a lead when you got back."
"Yeah." Nate sucked in a deep breath. "A prototype third generation Synth. He escaped the Institute with Nick a long time ago. We don't know why they were separated but", he shrugged, "it's our best bet. If they escaped, they might know a way back in."
Damon cocked his head. "Why wouldn't Valentine mention that?"
"The standing theory is he doesn't remember. Isaiah talked to him while we were out here. Couldn't dig up any information. Valentine doesn't remember anything about how he got out."
"Where's this other prototype Synth?" the SPARTAN asked.
Nate shook his head. "We don't know for sure. He isn't in the Commonwealth, it would have been too easy for the Institute to track him if he was. We don't think he would have gone too far. He's a prototype gen three but they, apparently, still had relatively strict directives. Li's team was working on tracking possible locations when we left. That's something we'll have to ask them about tomorrow too."
"You look like you're back to worrying about Shaun."
Tactful as ever… "How can I not? My son did this. I know what you said", he added before Damon could interject. "It- it isn't something I can explain. Regardless of whether I'm the one who raised him, he's my son."
The armored soldier looked back at the tablet in his hands for a moment before his chest and shoulders shifted in the distinct motion of someone taking a very deep breath.
"I don't think there's anything I can say to help", he said quietly.
"As much as I appreciate the thought", Nate replied as he pulled a chair from the kitchen table and sat in it, "I don't think there's anything you can say either." He didn't want to try sitting on the ground. He was still incredibly sore from their trip to the Raiders' base.
Damon's visor shifted from him to the others behind him. Nate turned to follow his gaze. The former Brotherhood soldiers were settling into a few chairs their hosts had brought out and set up around their 'lounge' for lack of a better word. Victor and Glory were standing behind them, talking. The Ghouls were all sitting in their own, more comfortable chairs. Each of them was still carrying a rifle.
"We'll need to contact Sturges tomorrow to see if he can verify any of this", the SPARTAN said. "The Brotherhood's estimates, and what little I know on this subject, suggests the rate of spread will increase dramatically very soon. When Diamond City and Goodneighbor are infected, things will get much worse. It could spread beyond the region with long-distance traders."
"What kind of timetable are you talking?" Nate asked, turning back to him.
"I don't know." Damon shrugged. "This isn't a topic I'm well educated on, and the Brotherhood doesn't know enough to get exact numbers. All I know is 'soon'."
"Goddammit. And while this was happening, we were stuck on that fucking base." He shook his head. "Another reason to hate Castle, I guess."
The tablet in Damon's gauntlets sunk a little lower. "I shouldn't have let that happen."
Nate frowned. "You can't keep putting that on yourself. You may be a supersoldier, but there are other experienced people around. We could have prepared better, changed the plan, or figured out some way to verify the information. The other stuff, Castle and everything that happened at the base, our conversation afterward, I understand, but you gotta let that one go, Damon."
He knew the SPARTAN well enough to know he wanted to say something, probably to argue. He didn't. Instead, he nodded again and resumed reviewing the report. Nate did the same. This sort of information mining was work he usually left to more qualified individuals, people who were educated on and experienced in reading and interpretation.
They didn't have that here. Not yet. Victor and Glory had their own tablets, and he was sure some of their people would be able to figure more of it out. For now, they needed to get as big a head start on this as they could.
Isaiah would be a good person to put this in front of.
If they could, somehow, get it to Li and her people inside the Institute, they'd have a hundred more eyes on it. That would give them a better chance at figuring out what to do.
Besides going in there and shooting everything that stopped them from getting the treatment, that is.
It took Nate about two hours to read through the entire report. His takeaway: they were in big trouble. Damon was right, it seemed like cases of this were on the verge of popping up everywhere. Even if they did get a treatment for it… would that be enough?
By the time he finished, the SPARTAN was up and pacing, working both his right arm and leg.
Nate's own injuries, while less severe, were more from fatigue than anything else. Getting beat up on a daily basis for a week and change doesn't do the body wonders… Granted, by that point, they were aches and pains. The problem was, more likely that not, those aches and pains wouldn't get the chance to disappear before they were thrown into the next fire.
Since that next fire looks like it was getting started in the morning.
As for the others, their new allies were still in their chairs, awake but quiet. All of them looked like they were ready to pass out. The tension circling the group made it feel like there was no way sleep was happening.
Three of their hosts had moved to their beds and were talking quietly. Jesko made his way over to Damon and started speaking with the SPARTAN. The two others were sitting in their chairs, watching the former Brotherhood members along with Victor and Glory.
Sitting around while this disease spread, a disease his son might have released into the Commonwealth was painful. That kept swirling in his head over and over again.
Shaun did this.
Nate pulled a meal bar some of the Minutemen had started making out of his satchel and chewed on it as he scrolled back through the report again. It wasn't great… but at least it was better than the protein bars the military gave them.
Then again, getting shot was generally on the same level of 'unpleasant' as those bars.
Agitated. Nate was agitated. There was nothing they could do about it until the morning and, even then, they'd still have to get back to Sanctuary, debrief again, discuss the reliability of the information, again, contact Li-
He took a deep breath.
Rushing through this won't do any good. Damon was right, they were on a short clock. Taking a few extra hours to make sure they had the right information and the right course of action was essential. With the stakes they were playing, mistakes couldn't happen.
And there were already a lot of different potential mistakes that could happen.
They'd been lucky to this point. The Brotherhood had been giving them space, no doubt because they didn't want to risk picking a fight with the Minutemen with the threat of the Institute and Raiders hanging over them. That wouldn't stay that way. They'd know something was up after their little breakout. Nate didn't know how they'd gotten the Brotherhood to attack the base during their escape but it was genius.
He would have said they'd been lucky the Institute hadn't been active, too.
Now he knew that wasn't true. They had been active. They decided to use their biggest strength to fight this battle.
None of them suspected it would look like this. If you removed the human cost, it was a phenomenal way to weaken the people they had to fight. His superiors would have loved it.
Nate wanted to puke.
The last few bites of the meal bar, a long pull from his flask, and a deep breath later, the ex-soldier slid the tablet into his satchel, set it on the ground, and stood with a groan.
No, there was nothing to do for the next 10 hours besides sit here and make sure their new allies didn't do anything dumb.
With Jesko still talking to Damon, Nate paced over to Glory and Victor, stretching his arms as best he could.
"Did you get a chance to read the report?" Victor asked.
Nate nodded. "Yeah. I'm no epidemiologist, but it seems bad."
Glory frowned. "Epi- what?"
"An epidemiologist", Victor repeated.
She glowered at her compatriot. "Vic, I shoot guns. What is that?"
He rolled his eyes. "They were pre-war scientists who studied how diseases were created and spread." The Railroad operative looked at Nate. "I agree. From what I can tell, everything they said was accurate. Then again, it should be. They're the ones who wrote the report."
"I'm still worried if we can trust it", Glory said, voice barely a whisper. "That's a move the Institute hasn't pulled before. It isn't SOP."
That may be true but… "Things have changed for them. Their war planning went out the window when they found out Damon was alive. Without his or my expertise, they had to resort to what they know."
"Still, this is crazy. Releasing a bacteria into the Commonwealth?"
"Yeah." Nate nodded again. "If you ignore that you're poisoning innocent people, doing this is a great way to fight a war against people who are more experienced fighting."
Glory grimaced. "That's disgusting."
"I can't disagree…"
"As much as I want to believe they're lying, nothing here tells me that", Victor added. "We've got some folks back home who can take a deeper dive into the information but, for now, I think we have to assume it's accurate."
"Isaiah can help. He's very good at data analysis."
Victor cocked an eyebrow. "Isaiah?"
Oh, right, they've never met. "He's one of the people from Li's group. He was a data analyst before coming out here."
"Ah." The operative nodded. "That's a good person to give this to, then. Not much we can do until they get their hands on it though."
On that, the ex-soldier agreed. Not only did he not want to think about this new development, and its implications, doing so wouldn't be useful. All they could do was be ready when they were needed. And to that end…
Nate's eyes drifted over to Damon. He was on his own again, pacing and working his right arm. "The three of us should rotate on watch tonight. I… think I know what's about to happen and, if it's gonna work, we'll need Damon at 100%."
Glory squinted at him. "Care to share?"
Not everything… "Our next move will be to infiltrate the Institute. If our new friends are right, and they have a treatment for this disease, that will be the fastest way to get it. We have a lead on getting back in. I don't think it will be a big door. Our infiltration team will have to be small. A few people at the most. If we want to infiltrate the Institute successfully with a small team", he motioned at the SPARTAN, "that's our man."
The gesture caught Damon's attention and he started toward them.
"A small infiltration team to do… what?" Glory asked.
He knew the answer to that question. He knew what they would have to do if they wanted any shot here. Not just to cure this disease but to win this fight against the Institute. If they managed to infiltrate for a second time, he doubted there would be a third chance. If they left without neutralizing the Institute… It would get a lot harder to do.
"There are two primary targets", Nate replied, closing his eyes. "Ayo, the head of the Synth Retention Division and the leader of their fighting force, and Father." He felt rather than heard Damon come to a stop beside him. "We take them out, and we can get the antidote or treatment for this disease, we kill two birds with one stone. If we don't manage to… remove them from the picture, the Institute becomes a much bigger threat."
"Why?" That was Victor's voice.
"They get desperate", Damon replied, saving Nate from having to.
He was talking about- about assassinating his own son. Was that really the only way to do this? Kill Shaun? After everything Nate has been through, how the hell was that fair? How was it fair that, now, he had to consider doing something so- awful?
"Their primary and secondary strategies failed and they will have been infiltrated three times. They would become unpredictable and infiltrating their facility again would be next to impossible. They'd take extreme measures to prevent any further unauthorized transits. They've been unhappy with the Railroad's interference but, to this point, it hasn't been direct action. If we infiltrate and disrupt their operations, that changes."
Can't this goddamn world give him one, single break?
"Nate?" Glory asked. "You alright?"
The ex-soldier opened his eyes, their small world bursting back into sight.
No. No, he wasn't alright. There had to be another way. Could they… accelerate Li's plan somehow? If they figured out a way to let the others in the Institute know what they're doing, their response would be like the Brotherhood defectors'.
Even if they think of the people above ground as… dirty, there's no way they'd be knowingly complicit in infecting tens of thousands of people.
Right?
"Just trying to think of how else we can do this. K-" his voice hitched. "Removing both of them would be difficult. One? Hard. Two?" He looked up at Damon. "Even for you, man, that's- that's-"
"A stretch", the SPARTAN finished. "Assassinations have the highest success rate when the target can't prepare."
"Li's people could help", Glory said. "Maybe eliminate one target while you go after the other."
Damon nodded slowly. "It's possible. We don't have enough information to put a plan together yet. An infiltration is our most likely course of action."
Glory exhaled sharply. "So we're gonna have another planning session tomorrow. Love those…"
"For now, Damon, we thought it would be a good idea if you weren't on guard tonight", Nate said. "Get some sleep. Recover as best you can. Break time is over and you'll need to be in the best shape possible."
The armored titan nodded. "Agreed."
"You can catch some shut-eye first, Nate", Glory added. "We'll wake you up in a few hours."
Sleep didn't come easily. Nate settled against a wall beside Damon that gave them a good view of their new friends. It wasn't comfortable but that was something you got used to after serving almost two decades in the army.
He leaned his head back and closed his eyes and slowed his breathing. The ex-soldier had been able to sleep through mortar bombardment. Now…
Possibilities swirled as he tried to relax.
As irrational as it was, so did guilt. That may have been the worst part: this wasn't his fault. There was nothing he could have done.
How could-
Relax… One thing at a time.
Nate took a deep breath. Then another.
The rest of the night was quiet. Victor woke him up after a few hours and the three of them reassembled Helen's armor. About an hour before they left, Nate got Damon.
The SPARTAN was quiet, even for him.
Another thing to add to the guilt. Damon should have been more concerned with getting them out of this situation. But he cared too goddamn much and now it was bothering him too.
Gathering their new friends, Helen got back in her suit of T-60, they bid their hosts goodbye, and returned to the surface.
The journey back was quiet. On the outside, at least. Aside from the thrum of the old truck's engine and the occasional word from Victor, there was nothing to break up Nate's racing thoughts.
After months of acclimating to walking everywhere, taking less than an hour to get from Boston proper to Sanctuary felt odd. They were back before the sun had a chance to climb more than a hand's breadth from the eastern horizon.
Getting everyone unloaded and bringing the Brotherhood defectors to the Vault passed in an instant. Not that Nate was paying much attention. They ended up in the same room they'd put Castle in a few days prior.
Goddamn Castle.
While the others questioned their new allies further on the reports, Nate slipped to the rear of the room. It… wasn't- or he didn't think it was that he didn't want to hear how his son unleashed something like this onto the Commonwealth, again. This was all information they'd gotten last night. It was valuable for the rest to hear and digest it but the ex-soldier was trying to focus on their next step: contact Li. It was only a matter of time before Dez and Preston agreed on that. They'd probably reach the same conclusion faster than he had.
How would they get the Brotherhood's report to them? What questions did he want to ask? Where would they be going to track down this rogue Synth and how would they get there?
…
Where would this road end?
If only he didn't know the answer to that last one.
… Dammit…
Movement caught his attention and Nate looked up to see Damon pacing toward him. Everyone else was still engrossed in the ongoing conversation.
"We're gonna have to kill him", Nate said as the supersoldier stopped beside him and turned to face the group.
Damon nodded slowly. "You said that yesterday."
And? "It doesn't make it easier to think about."
The SPARTAN didn't respond. He probably didn't know how. To be fair, Nate doubted anyone would.
"How I feel doesn't matter right now", Nate continued. "It's just- it's something that has to happen. This won't stop if it doesn't."
That got Damon's attention. His helmet turned to meet the smaller man's gaze. "What do you mean 'it doesn't matter'?" There was something new in his voice. Nate wasn't quite sure what it was but… he sounded… angry? No, that wasn't it.
"It means there's a lot more going on than my emotions. You remember what you told me back in the Institute? That my son is already dead? Well", he shrugged. It was sharp, completely devoid of the nonchalance it was supposed to show. "You were right. Even if Shaun wasn't dying of cancer, he isn't the baby Nora died to protect. You were right."
He was quiet but Nate could feel the armored soldier's eyes burrowing into him through that golden visor.
After a few moments of silence, Damon's hand clamped around Nate's upper arm and pulled him toward the door.
The smaller man was so shocked, he didn't try to resist.
Once the Vault's sliding metal door hissed shut, leaving the two of them alone, Damon turned back to him.
"What the fuck do you mean it doesn't matter? This is your son. You went through hell to find him."
What? "What the hell are you talking about?" Nate snapped. He jerked his arm away from the SPARTAN's grasp. "So what? None of that means a goddamn thing. You're right, I would never have raised him to do something like this. So that isn't my son. Kellogg killed him when he shot Nora."
"Why does that mean it doesn't matter? If you think that means this doesn't upset you, you're lying to yourself."
Rage simmered just beneath the surface so hard, Nate could have sworn red flashed across his vision. "Where do you get off saying this shit, huh Damon?"
"Because I was there when we found him at the Institute. I remember how desperate you were to spend whatever time you could with him. You betrayed me to do it."
That rage was about ready to boil over when the SPARTAN held up a gauntleted hand to stall a response. When he started talking again, the harshness in his voice was gone.
"I'm not saying that to blame you. I'm saying that because I know what… some parents will do for their kids. I've seen it firsthand. Not just from mine. When my home planet was attacked, most of the adults in my community had served in the local militia. All of them knew how to fight. All of them did fight."
He lowered his hand.
"Most of them died. I don't know how this feels for you but I know how it feels from the other end." The SPARTAN paused for a heartbeat. "Maybe I'm not the best person to talk to. All I'm saying is this is going to be painful. I don't want it to be any more painful than it has to."
Nate's jaw clenched. You don't want this to be any more painful than it has to? The last time he lost his temper with Damon came to mind. The kid wouldn't react the same way as last time; he'd already shown that much. That didn't mean it was the right thing to do. He was, in his way, trying to help. And he was also probably right.
"You're damn right you aren't the best person to talk to", he muttered. "That might have been the worst intervention I've ever seen."
Damon's only response was a shrug. The sarcasm was a defense mechanism and Nate knew it. That was something Nora tried her damndest to beat out of him. She was mostly successful. He couldn't let himself backslide, her years of effort couldn't go to waste.
He took a deep breath. "So who, then?"
"Ellie and Nick. They've helped me."
Nate frowned. "And why are you so upset I said "it doesn't matter"?"
The SPARTAN tilted his head to the right. "You did the same thing when I said that. You don't think that advice applies to you?"
"I…" he paused with his mouth open and squinted up at his oversized friend. "Don't like that you just did that."
Damon shrugged again. "I'm following your example."
"Right." The kid could be so annoying at times. Especially when he was right at the same time. "This is the last time we have this talk."
"Only if you're willing to be as honest with yourself as you expect me to be with myself."
"I could ignore you."
"And I can leave you here", the SPARTAN shot back. It didn't sound like an impromptu response. It wasn't… snappy enough. That was something he'd been thinking about.
"This is my son, we're talking about. I'm not getting left out."
"Then I need you to be you. We all need you to be you."
"Then I need you to understand this isn't something you can fix by telling me to get over it", Nate said. He closed his eyes and took another deep breath. "Okay, no, I know that isn't what you're saying. I'll… go talk with Nick and Ellie but, like I said, this is my son. I don't think there's anything anyone can say to make it easier."
When he opened his eyes, Damon was nodding. "If it was easy, I don't think we'd be friends."
Well, isn't that ironic. Nate smiled. "Funny."
"I was only half joking."
"I know."
It was the third time they'd had this conversation in 18 hours. He… felt a little better after the first one, aside from the bruise on his shoulder. Since then, whenever he's thought about it, the anger and frustration come back just as bad as they'd been the first go-around.
Nate knew anger and frustration were, like sarcasm, defense mechanisms. Pearsons said as much during one of their sessions. It was common in combat vets, especially long-time ones, according to him.
What he really felt, like when he found out Shaun was a 60-year-old man dying of cancer or when Damon had brought Nora's body back, was anguish. Maybe some small part of him had been holding onto the hope that there could be some reconciliation with his son. Despite what he'd told Damon the other day, maybe he hadn't entirely accepted that reality himself.
"It sucks, not being able to do anything to fix it", Nate said quietly.
The SPARTAN only nodded again.
"Alright…" the ex-soldier glanced back at the door. "Let's go see what they're up to…"
Inside, the group was still talking and deliberating.
"Nate", Isaiah called from the far side of the group, "we all agree talking with Li is the best option. Did… you want to be the one to do it?" He held up one of the tablets. "We have a list of questions to ask and we're still trying to figure out how to transfer this data to them but… since, you know, this is close to home we thought you might be the best person to have the conversation."
Did he want to be the one to talk with Li? Was it fair for him to say he was the closest to the situation? Just because Shaun is the head of the Institute doesn't mean he's the only one with skin in the game, or even the most skin in the game. Other people were impacted by this too. If someone lost family members due to this… that's more investment than Nate has.
"No. It doesn't need to be me."
Isaiah hesitated, tablet still in his hand.
"Alright", Preston said, nodding. "Let's get her on the radio and get this moving. We have a short clock." He looked at Desdemona. "I'm gonna get people ready to head out as soon as we have… whatever answers we can get."
Damon stepped forward. "I'll take Nate and Valentine."
The Minuteman frowned. "I know you don't like when I argue about fighting, but… this isn't fighting. You just got back from a week in that base. I know", he continued before Damon could protest, "you won't let that slow you down. We still might need you around here to help. Who knows what's gonna happen with this situation."
"Once we track down their lead and establish a way into the Institute, we need to go", Damon replied. "There won't be time to come back here and gather a team. And it has to be small. I'm the best option for an infiltration." The SPARTAN motioned at Nate. "He and Valentine are more than capable of handling anything that isn't fighting, and I've worked with both of them."
"And you think you can fight your way through the Institute with just you and them?"
Damon nodded. "We don't have another option. We won't be able to get many people into their facility before they cut the teleporter." He looked at Dez. "Support from Li's people would be appreciated."
The Railroad leader pursed her lips. "That's a tall ask. They've been working under the radar for decades. And it isn't like they'll fight with the other Institute members. Even if they disagree with how they do things, they're still friends and family."
"Damon, we aren't trying to shut down your idea, but it might be better if we organize this a different way", Preston said. "You could be more valuable out here."
"No", Damon snapped. "This is what I do. Infiltrate and-" he paused. Nate wasn't sure if it was his imagination, but he thought he saw the SPARTAN's helmet shift in his direction for an instant. "Eliminate. I've planned and executed these types of operations for almost a decade. I'm the best person for the job. This needs to happen fast and we need to make sure it gets done. We don't have the time or opportunity for a second shot."
"Before we get too far into this argument", Jackson interjected. "I think it should be noted, we've relied on Damon for a lot. Regardless of what happens here, he'll play a major role. Shouldn't it be doing something he's comfortable with and good at?"
Desdemona put her hands on her hips. "You mean assassination? Father?"
Jackson nodded. "I think that will have to be part of it. If we don't…" he locked eyes with Nate. The skin around them was soft and wrinkled. His jaw was set, and his lips pulled in ever so slightly. He knew what he was saying. Everyone from the Institute did.
"It's our best chance to help our people take control. Father is too dangerous and intelligent. If we're going to rely on Damon like this again, we should at least let him decide how we do it."
Silence drifted across the group around the table. Everyone was looking at the towering supersoldier. Nate knew that must have been bothering him. He couldn't tell from watching him. Damon and Preston were looking at each other and… Nate couldn't read what was on the Minuteman leader's face either.
"Preston?" he asked. "Why do you want Damon away from this?"
He didn't answer immediately. The two of them stayed quiet, staring each other down for another few heartbeats before Preston broke his gaze away.
"Because we've got a lot of people hanging on by a thread. With how many refugees that have been coming in, it's getting tight. You guys bought us some time and space when you were out there. We could really use that again."
It was a reasonable explanation. Buying time didn't mean much if the search took longer because they didn't have their best on the job. It made things worse if the mission failed because they didn't have him on the infiltration.
There was one thing that balanced that equation but… Nate didn't want to bring it up in front of everyone there.
"Well… let's start with getting our questions answered and go from there, alright?" He looked at Dez. "Does that work for you?"
She nodded. "That's acceptable."
Preston held his gaze for another beat before likewise nodding. "Until then, I'm gonna give Sturges a call." He looked at the defectors. "I'm sorry to do this but you'll have to stay down here under guard for now."
Helen shrugged. "It's no more than I expected."
"Everyone else," Preston said, "Let's put together a plan for dealing with this. We need to make sure our people stay safe and aren't infected. Start with here, the Farms, and the school. Once we're happy with those, we can start working on other places." He looked at Isaiah. Can you head that up?"
The analyst nodded.
"Good. Let's get to work."
With that, everyone went to their assigned tasks. As Preston began toward the door, Nate followed. Damon started after him before the ex-soldier waved him off. This didn't need to be between anyone but the two of them.
"Hey", Nate called as he jogged out of the door to catch up with the Minuteman leader. "Can I get a sec?"
Back out in the hall, Preston stopped and took a deep breath. "What's up?"
Nate came to a stop in front of him. "This has been a stressful few weeks and… our most recent discovery is probably the hardest one to wrap your head around."
The dark-skinned man offered a bemused smile. "I appreciate the concern. It's alright, I've been through worse."
"Really…" Nate cocked an eyebrow at him. "Come on, Preston. I've been around the block." He jerked his head to the right, away from the direction the rest of the group was flowing.
"I'd like to tell you something… I don't want anyone else to hear", he said as they started walking. Preston motioned for him to continue. "When we got captured, I did my best to keep everything together. We came up with plans to get out on our own. We started working on them before Damon and the others showed up." He glanced at Preston and gave him a sad smile. "But I'm not above admitting I was hoping Damon would show up. And I'm not above admitting it was a relief when it felt like the focus moved to him. That he would be the one to get us out. I even told him that."
"Are you trying to say I want to give him the responsibility?" Preston asked, incredulous.
Nate shrugged. "I don't know about that. You're smart enough to know he couldn't lead the Minutemen. From what I can see, you're doing a better job than anyone else could have." He shook his head. "No, I'm saying it's easy to rely on him. And he'll do whatever it is, even if he shouldn't."
Preston stopped. "Ah, so you're saying I want him here because it would make my life easier."
"I… wouldn't put it that way…"
"It is what you're saying, though."
"Sort of", Nate said, nodding.
The Minuteman leader held his gaze for a few seconds before closing his eyes and pulling his wide-brimmed hat off to rub at his close-cropped hair. "You know, my ego wants to tell you to get lost. The thing is… I promised myself I'd be honest when I decided to take this position. So yeah, that's probably part of it."
He opened his eyes again. "You can't deny having Damon running interference with the Raiders, Brotherhood, and Supermutants would save lives out here."
"It would", Nate replied. "I can't argue with that. Would it save as many lives as if he was out helping look for a way to get into the Institute and then being the one leading the infiltration?"
Preston shrugged. "I don't know. Do you know it wouldn't?"
That… was a good question.
"No, I don't. All I'm saying is having him on the team for this will give the mission its best chance for success."
"Yeah…" Preston used the brim of his hat to scratch at the side of his head before putting it back on. "I'm imagining all the ways this could go wrong. You finding a new way in. What happens once you're inside… Even if things went upside down with that mission, if Damon was out here, he could keep things from getting too bad."
"Agreed… No disrespect; that's playing to not lose. We need to play to win. You have to play that way with Damon; he doesn't know or understand anything else."
The Minuteman cocked an eyebrow. "Just him?"
Nate smiled. "I'm more used to losing than him… but yes, me too."
After another brief pause, Preston exhaled.
"Alright", he said with a nod. "If I can't think of a legitimate alternative to including him, I won't raise a stink about it."
"Thanks. So, we're good?"
Preston nodded again. "Yeah, we're good." He adjusted his hat and straightened. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go see what Sturges has found out. I hope he tells me these Brotherhood people are trying to pull our chain. I'm not optimistic."
With that, the Minuteman leader marched back down the hall, away from Nate.
So, he was left with nothing to do until everyone else gathered whatever information they needed.
Maybe I should go talk with Nick and Ellie…
As much as he wanted to leave that buried, Damon was, aggravatingly, probably right. He couldn't let that fester. Who knows, maybe talking with someone about killing his son will help.
Right.
He made his way out of the Vault, having to wait for the elevator to come back down after taking its last passengers to the surface. The sun was still climbing its way into the sky when he emerged. It occurred to him, as he looked out over Sanctuary toward Boston, this was the first time he'd had this view, the morning sun rising over the city, since emerging from the Vault for the first time.
Hell, he'd been down in the Vault, just a few dozen feet from where Nora had died and never thought about it.
"Sorry…" he muttered. "Nora, I- I should have gone by the pod. It's- I just-"
Nate felt emotions well up in his chest as he remembered dropping into the Vault for the first time. The blast from the nuke just missed them. There was a mixture of panic and relief. Their world was over… at least the three of them had survived. They'd have the chance to rebuild.
That turned out to be wrong, too.
He remembered going into the pod. It was… so cold. Then waking up a few seconds later. Or so he'd thought. The Institute scientists and- Kellogg standing there.
The pod opening. Nora fighting to keep Shaun safe then-
BOOM!
A .44 magnum is loud in open space. In a metal box, even through the sealed pod, it felt like someone had just boxed his ears.
And Nora was dead. Shaun was taken.
It was over. In an instant that stretched over two centuries everything was gone. He'd been powerless to stop it. Now all of that has resulted in his son unleashing a disease into an unsuspecting, innocent population to win a war none of them signed up for.
No one signs up to be a victim of war. Even after the war that ended the world, war never changes.
Nate shook himself and started down the hill. Across the bridge and to the right, he found his way to the house the duo had set their new practice up in. It was complete with a wooden sign pinned to the door. Pink lettering spelled out "Valentine and Perkins Detective Agency".
As he lifted his hand to knock, the ex-soldier froze.
This was his son, wasn't it? His problem? This was something he needed to sort out. Right? Should he bring someone into a situation like this?
That's dumb and you know it. Nora would give me that damn 'you're an idiot' look if I said that to her. Cook would probably pull me into another boxing ring. And, apparently, I'll get a lecture from Damon if I don't do this.
Being lectured by Damon of all people.
If he was being honest, reliving his experiences fighting with Cook, even if it was with gloves on, was the possibility he'd be most afraid of.
Nate probably wouldn't have to worry about whatever happened next if Damon dragged him into a boxing ring.
He knocked on the door.
"It's open", Valentine's scratchy, distorted voice called from inside.
Nate grabbed the doorknob and twisted. The door unlatched with a gentle click and he pushed it open.
The duo had set up an office in the middle of the living room, a pair of desks, both covered in neat stacks of paper and notebooks, arranged side by side with a row of filing cabinets against the wall to Nate's right. There were a few chairs on his side of the desks with a small table between them.
Behind the desks were Ellie and Nick. The secretary, as usual, had her hair pulled back. She sat up as Nate stepped in and swung the door shut behind him. Valentine was wearing his customary hat and jacket. Even now, the glowing yellow eyes were a little off-putting.
"Nate!" Ellie exclaimed. "How are you doing?"
"I'm-" He was about to say 'alright', but that was a lie. He wasn't doing alright. Exchanging pleasantries felt like a waste of time at that point.
"Well…", he started again, "not great."
"Oh?" Valentine motioned to one of the chairs. As Nate approached, the detective stood and walked around his desk. "We're all ears."
"Can you keep this quiet?" Nate asked. "I don't know what would happen if it got out. I mean, it will get out eventually but the longer we can put that off..."
Perkins clasped her hands in front of her on her desk. "Nate, everything we talk about with someone in confidence stays between us."
He frowned. That was obvious, they ran a detective agency, after all. They wouldn't have much business if they were known for talking about every one of their conversations. It was a silly thing to ask but this topic… it was beyond sensitive. Damon was the only one who knew what this was for him. Jackson, Jessica, and the others had an idea, but the SPARTAN knew him better than any of them. He could sympathize with him more than them.
And that was without the concern for whatever panic it might cause if the information was turned into rumors. They had to be careful about how people were told. They already had enough on their plates.
"You know Shaun, my son, is the leader of the Institute, right?" he asked.
Valentine nodded. "We do."
"He… they released a bacteria into the Commonwealth, we think."
Both of their eyes grew wide and the two exchanged a glance.
"Oh", Valentine said. "Shit."
Nate explained what they'd learned and why they thought it was the Institute. He didn't need to explain what was bothering him.
"And your son is responsible for all that", Perkins said once he finished his summary of the report and what the Scribe had told them. "You feel responsible because it's your son and the chance to raise him to be better was taken from you."
"Yeah. Mostly." He frowned. "No. Not mostly. I don't think." The ex-soldier looked down at his hand. "We're going into the Institute, or we're gonna try. They have a treatment for this bacteria. The problem is- ah, I don't think 'problem' is the right word. We won't be able to go back after we do this. Not easily. So we decided we're going to-" his voice caught in his throat again.
Nick's jacket rustled as he shifted in his seat. "I got it. You don't gotta finish that." He sighed. "You already know there's nothing anyone can say to make that easier. What do you want to hear from us?"
That was a good question. What did he want to hear? "I don't know- that it's okay? That I'm about to go in there and… do this? That I'm about to sic a supersoldier from another universe on him? It's okay to ask Damon to do something like this when he knows how I feel about it?"
"Nate", Ellie said, "can you look at me for a second?"
The ex-soldier lifted his head. It felt like a car was sitting on it.
Her eyes were drilling into him with the same intensity he'd seen from Nora on the few occasions she was extremely angry at him.
"It isn't okay. None of this is okay. Not that Shaun was taken from you, how the Institute has used him, how he's run the Institute, how he released the bacteria, or that you or Damon has to do this. I won't tell you any of that is okay because it isn't."
She leaned back in her chair and her eyes softened. "If you'll give me a little rope, I'd like to take a stab at why you're here."
Better than whatever I'm thinking, probably. Nate shrugged.
"You're looking for someone to tell you it will be okay." The secretary smiled. It was a soft, sad smile that spoke of experience. "I don't think anyone can tell you that. No one knows. Losing a child is… I've seen it destroy people. What you're going through is unique and awful, no one would deny that. So no, I don't think anyone can tell you it will be okay. What I can tell you is you have people who care enough about you to want to help you through this. I'm guessing Damon is why you're here?"
Nate nodded.
"For whatever problems he has, it seems like he's a good friend for you. Your friends from the Institute, I wouldn't be surprised if they're concerned too."
Jackson's expression back in the Vault came to mind.
"You're a likable guy", she continued, "and you seem to have everyone's best interests at heart. I like to think people trust you, even look up to you." Ellie's smile turned a little less sad. "You should hear the way some of the folks talk about you. Word from the group that the Raiders captured has been getting around. You really kept everyone together and kept them calm."
Nate cocked an eyebrow. "I did?"
"Absolutely", Valentine added. "We've had a few folks from the group stop by after you all got back. Something we've heard from all of them is they felt they could rely on you."
"I don't know about that…" I almost broke down in the middle of everything.
"You know, I've always found the best leaders are the ones who are willing to look at themselves and think, 'I need to do better'. I've been a detective for a long time, Nate. There's still something new to learn with each case. When I stop learning is when I stop being a detective."
"That isn't the point thought", Ellie interjected. "The truth is, as much as I want to tell you you'll be okay, I can't. What I can tell you is there are people here who will be there for you when it isn't okay." She smiled again. "That might not be enough at the end of the day. Like I said when you guys first got back, I'll always be here to talk if you need it."
Nate looked from Ellie to Nick and back. She sounded so much like Porter. Not entirely. There was something different about the way she spoke. It wasn't hard to guess what that difference was. Ellie's experience is in the real world, with real people struggling out in the Commonwealth. Porter was used to dealing with scientists in the Institute, dealing with very different issues. Both of them cared, Ellie could empathize.
That being said, was this what he wanted to hear? Was it what he needed to hear? What he had to do wasn't okay. He might not be okay after it's done. If he isn't, he has people around him who care enough to help.
Is that enough?
"I don't think anyone can tell you it will be okay."
It would have to be, right?
No, it doesn't have to be. Nothing says this has to be enough or alright.
What would he do then? What other choice did he have?
… I don't know. Maybe this is it. Maybe after this…
His throat tightened. No, he couldn't think that. He couldn't. He didn't know what was on the other side of all this but- but who would remember Nora and Shaun? The real Shaun? Who would remember Cook and Miranda? What about Damon? After everything they'd been through, and how the kid was growing, what would happen to him? Then there was the Minutemen and the fight in the Commonwealth.
What about all that? At the end of the day, I have to be the one who lives this life.
Yes, that was true… the question was whether there was enough life left for him to live.
Nate didn't know.
"Should I be thinking about how… what I decide will affect other people?" he asked.
Ellie nodded. "If you feel it's important."
"… I don't know."
"And that's okay, you don't need to know right now."
"If you're right about how people here feel about me and, after this, I-" he swallowed. "The guys who came with me from the Institute, how would they feel? And what would it do to Damon?"
"Do you want my answer?" Ellie asked. "It's alright if you're just venting."
Nate nodded.
"It would hurt morale. I don't know the ones who came with you from the Institute but that decision tells me they trust and care about you." She frowned. "It would hurt Damon the most. Whether either of you will admit it or not, he looks up to you.
The ex-soldier wasn't sure what to say. Of course, the usual sarcastic quips like "he'd only look up to me if I was on a ladder" came to mind. Even his traditional defense mechanism wasn't strong enough to force something as dumb as that out.
But that's what he was afraid of; that it would hurt other people.
"Like I said", Ellie continued, "there are people who'll be there for you, even when it isn't okay. It isn't my place to tell you how I'd feel but I'll be here to help you too."
Nate opened his mouth to reply. What did he say to that? From how she said it, it sounded like there were a lot of people that cared about him.
Is she wrong?
No…
Then accept it. There are people I can lean on. And if that still isn't enough… I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.
"Thank you, Ellie."
Next Chapter: 10/18, Responsibility