Zack finally got up again and finally stepped into his tiny bathroom to find his uniform gone as well. He took a very quick shower and, after drying off, walked over to his closet and opened it. His hand instinctively reached for one of his clean uniforms, but then he hesitated. It was already nighttime, and he would not go on another mission today. Although he usually wore his uniform pretty much every day almost all the time, regardless of what he was doing, he did not really feel like donning the SOLDIER skin now. Aside from his uniforms, he did not have a lot of other clothes, though.
He rummaged around his closet for a moment and finally picked a simple pair of comfortable black pants and a grey long-sleeved shirt with a wide neckline. He put on the clothes and slid his phone into his pocket. He did not really feel like talking to anyone, but he could not stand staying in his room any longer, either. He turned to leave his room and tested if he could open the door. He had been locked in earlier, but apparently Tseng had not renewed the lock override when he left.
Zack stepped out his room and walked slowly toward the elevator while reading Kunsel's earlier message again. He had decided to head to the roof and catch a breath of fresh air, hoping that no one else would be there. When he reached the elevator, he almost bumped into Sephiroth who was already waiting in front of the elevator and had just pressed the "call" button.
Zack flinched back when he noticed the older SOLDIER and quickly closed his phone. "S-sorry. I wasn't paying attention", he murmured. Sephiroth studied him for a few seconds and then looked away as he replied: "Don't worry about it." Not knowing what to say, Zack put away his phone and stared intently at the elevator display as the displayed number counted up and up and up, while a few moments were spent in uncomfortable silence until the elevator bell finally rang and the door slid open. Sephiroth entered, pressed a button and then leaned against the elevator's back wall with his arms folded. Zack entered as well and, scanning the keys with his finger hovering over the panel, realized that Sephiroth had already pressed the button for the rooftop.
He studied Sephiroth for a short moment. He was not wearing his usual gear, but a dark blue turtleneck sweater and black Wutai-style pants. His silver hair was done up into a massive bun at the back of his head. He pondered about the irony that the hero of the Wutai War even owned Wutai fashion, and that he, who was renowned for his sense of style would make the questionable fashion choice of wearing a turtleneck sweater with Wutai-style pants. But then, he felt silly, as it was well-known that Sephiroth used a sword and fighting style originating from Wutai. Maybe, after fighting Wutai for so many years, he had developed an appreciation for Wutaian culture. Clearly, Zack did not know a whole lot about Sephiroth, but it was a sensitive topic, too, so only a small number of people knew that Sephiroth's connections to Wutai extended far beyond just his fighting style and weapon choice.
It was even more wondrous that he still looked very appealing despite his transgressions against convention. The tight turtleneck emphasized his wide shoulders and chest and his small waist. The wide Wutai-style pants mimicked the distinct flared silhouette of the heavy leather coat he usually wore, but without the wide belt he wore as the only part of the default SOLDIER uniform, his waist looked even smaller, and without the large shoulder pads his silhouette looked somewhat more balanced than usual.
What really caught Zack's eyes, however, was the thin strip of skin on the back of his neck just above the edge of his sweater, revealed by his hair being done up. Sephiroth's back was usually always covered by his flowing hair and leather coat. Somehow, seeing this area of skin exposed made Zack feel as if he was not supposed to be there. Only after that, he noticed Sephiroth's bloodshot, swollen eyes. Noticing Zack's gaze on his face, Sephiroth looked away, which made his face disappear behind silver bangs. Zack's heart skipped a beat when he realized he was staring and positioned himself to the side of the elevator at a respectable distance from Sephiroth, whose shoulders were slumped forward. His whole posture was completely different from the usually imposing, tall figure that forced anyone to treat him with the utmost respect. He seemed smaller somehow, and Zack was certain that was not just due to him not wearing his shoulder pads. All while pondering Sephiroth's out-of-place appearance, Zack paid little mind to his own. With wet, unstyled hair, comfortable pants and a sweater that revealed his neck and collarbones, he was hardly in a publicly presentable state either.
Neither Zack, nor Sephiroth spoke, and so the elevator ride was spent in discomforting silence while Zack was trying to calm down his pounding heart. When it reached the roof, the elevator bell rang again and the door slid open. Zack was closer to the door, and walked out onto the rooftop first. He did not come up here often, so he had to stop outside the elevator to look around for a second before he could make up his mind where to go from there.
Night had fallen already, but no stars were visible, as usual in Midgar's night sky. A few floodlights were strewn across the rooftop, illuminating some areas and leaving others dark. Sephiroth stepped out of the elevator, walked past Zack without paying attention to him, and toward the edge of the building where the light did not reach. Zack watched his back as he went by him off into the darkness. Sephiroth was never much of a talker, but for him to so thoroughly ignore Zack was unusual even for him. Although the rooftop was a common space in the SOLDIER quarters, this cold treatment made Zack feel as if he was intruding.
He wondered if it would perhaps be good for Sephiroth to talk to someone, just as Aerith had supported him earlier, or tried to do as best as she could in light of their earlier disagreement. Genesis was probably alive, but far away, and would most likely not come back, which left Sephiroth all alone as far as Zack was aware. And he had sent him a weird empty message earlier today. He took a few steps toward Sephiroth. When he did not react, Zack pulled all his courage together and walked all the way to the fence marking the accessible perimeter of the roof to stand next to him. Sephiroth kept looking over Sector 3, where the SOLDIER quarters were located, still paying no attention to Zack. Zack observed him from the side, but could not make out his expression in the darkness.
"Hey… Sephiroth?", Zack began. Sephiroth blinked, but did not respond otherwise. "Was there anything? You sent me an empty message this afternoon…". Sephiroth lifted his head a little bit and responded with a hollow voice: "Sorry, I must have sent that by accident." Zack gazed over Sector 3 before asking hesitantly: "H-how do you feel?" Sephiroth clenched his fist tightly around the edge of the fence. "How do you think I feel?", he growled. Zack glanced at his own hands on the fence. "Yeah, same here". Sephiroth looked away and did not respond. Zack felt tears coming to his eyes again. "I'm so sorry, Sephiroth." Sephiroth's gaze wandered towards him in surprise. "It wasn't your fault", he said again, his eyes wide opened in astonishment.
Zack slammed a clenched fist down onto the edge of the fence. "I couldn't save him!" He slammed his fist down again. "And not only that, I was the one to kill him!" Sephiroth's eyes were now fixed on Zack. As Zack briskly turned towards him, he flinched a little. "I killed him!", he yelled. "How can you say it's not my fault? Can't you, at the very least, be angry with me?"
Sephiroth's eyebrows moved up and toward each other and he pressed his lips together. His voice choked as he repeated: "It wasn't your fault, Zack". His reaction made Zack angry and he yelled: "I killed him! He attacked me and I killed him!" Sephiroth's head dropped slowly.
He was still clenching the fence with shaking hands as he pressed out: "He… Angeal… he wanted to die." Zack started. "What do you mean?" Sephiroth's shoulders were shaking, too, as he responded: "He came to me a week ago." His figure seemed to shrink more and more as he slumped forward. "He asked me to… do it.", he finally burst out as his knees gave way under him. "He wanted to die by my hand", he sniffed. "And I couldn't do it."
His bangs were hiding the pain in his face as he was kneeling on the ground, sniffing and shaking, so Zack could not see it, but he was certain that Sephiroth was crying, just like he was. "I couldn't … grant him his wish. So he… he chose you." Zack heart was beating so hard in his chest it was painful. Why? Why did everyone keep pushing their issues on him?
"I wanted him to live!", Zack pressed out angrily. Sephiroth nodded lightly. "So did I. But he… he couldn't go on anymore. I wanted him to live, but he didn't listen. I… couldn't save him. It's my fault." After a short pause, he continued: "If only I could have gotten through to him when he came to me, he would still be here."
Zack had heard enough. He kneeled down across from Sephiroth and pulled him into a tight embrace. Sephiroth's eyes widened as he felt the touch, but he did not resist, nor did he articulate any sensible reaction to being so handled. "It wasn't you fault", Zack finally stated after a while as he pulled away. "The ones who turned him into what he became are to blame. The ones who drove his mother go as far as she did and took Genesis away."
Sephiroth looked at him wide-eyed, tears still in his red, swollen eyes. It was the first time today that Sephiroth looked him in the eye. Zack managed a weak smile in an attempt to encourage him. Sephiroth did not return the smile, but directed his gaze at the ground as he mumbled: "I'm sorry". Zack was surprised. "What?" Sephiroth closed his eyes for a moment. "If I had done it, you wouldn't have had to suffer through this."
Zack pondered for a moment and scratched the back of his head. "I'm kinda used to having stuff pushed on me by now." Sephiroth pressed his lips together. "So it was just another mission to you?" Zack pulled farther away from Sephiroth. "You know, I'm sad, too. Angeal was my best friend, and he made me kill him." He finally stood up again. "I didn't want this any more than you did. I tried to stop him. But he wouldn't listen."
He offered his hand to Sephiroth. "But I know that he wouldn't want us crying and being sad." Sephiroth's pale green eyes continued to examine him for a few seconds before he reached for Zack's hand and slowly pulled himself up. His hand felt cold as ice although the nights were already warm for spring. Standing up, Sephiroth towered over Zack.
"If he didn't want us to cry, he shouldn't have died", Sephiroth said bitterly. There was no debating that. Nevertheless, Zack was mystified at what he had just witnessed. He knew that Angeal, Genesis and Sephiroth had been very close, to the point where Sephiroth would reject orders that would pit him against Angeal or Genesis and instead tried to help them in some way. But he had seen their end coming for a long time, so Zack did not expect that Sephiroth would take it as hard as he did. Sephiroth finally turned away to look over the city again. "It's good to know that I have at least one friend left", he mused. Zack pumped his fist in the air. "You bet I'm your friend." Sephiroth smiled lightly. "Thank you, Zack."