Gladiator

by Seyary-Minamoto

In a world where the Avatar wasn't found, the Fire Nation took over two nations and they strive to overcome the last one. Water Tribe warrior Sokka seeks to fight for his people's rights, but he's captured by his enemies. His life is no longer in his hands as he fights as a Gladiator, and his fate will eventually depend on the Fire Nation Princess, who needs him for her own ends...

112. Chapter 112: New Day by Day 3

She had tried to relax over a long bath, but it hadn't helped much in the end. The longer she spent alone with her thoughts, her poisonous, misgiving thoughts, the worse she felt about this argument with Sokka. She huffed and shook her head, fruitlessly waiting for the water to rinse away her worries. She wanted reconciliation, no doubt, and wanted to stop feeling as bad as she did… but she was afraid it wouldn't be easy when she wasn't sure she could stomach Sokka's explanations, whatever they were, whenever he provided them.

She sighed as she dried herself and clad her body in her usual sleeping gown. She'd had dinner with Mai and Ty Lee, and had only arrived home around twenty minutes ago. She had been surprised to find Rui Shi was nowhere around, and briefly wondered if he'd gone to fetch her at Sokka's place… but if he had, wouldn't he be back after discovering she wasn't there? She decided not to worry about it, though. The Captain of her Guards was a competent man, independent enough to do as he pleased, and if he was finally giving her more space then so be it.

She brushed her hair, hating how much she'd rather have it brushed by Sokka instead. It couldn't be denied, he had a talent for grooming hair, both in terms of his technique and his results. She thoroughly enjoyed it when he massaged her head with the tips of his fingers, making her close her eyes in sheer delight as she relaxed in his arms. Would she get to enjoy that again in the near future? Only if she compromised her pride for his sake somehow. But she didn't know if she could do that. She had held her love for him above all of her priorities many times before: could she do it again when it came to something like this? Were her feelings, and her longing to feel loved by him, worth so much that she would overlook this new revelation of Sokka's past?

She didn't know yet. Maybe by morning she'd have made up her mind about what mattered most… as it was, she only knew she had to speak with him. The trouble was, she wasn't sure if she felt up for it yet. But maybe that, as well, was something she could decide by morning.

She sat on the bed, her head between her hands, her mind still racing. Would she be able to fall asleep at all? She couldn't say. Perhaps she should find a book, try her luck at reading something to distract her…

A knock on the door paralyzed her just as she stood up to make for her bookshelf. She frowned. Maybe it was Rui Shi, checking on her at last. Perhaps her father wanted a word with her about something important he had forgotten to mention until now? Or even Zhao, hoping to find more answers for his countless questions…?

She opened the red door warily, and her heart sank when she saw a Royal Guard standing outside. A Royal Guard who did not bow down to her upon seeing her, one who held her gaze through the mask he wore. One who just so happened to be the exact height and girth of someone Azula didn't feel ready to see right now…

His silence and firm stance were unexpected, she found. Was he disappointed in her, too? Or was he simply not speaking in case anyone nearby overheard him? Could anyone notice who he was, despite he was wearing a guard's uniform?

Azula breathed out slowly and stepped away from the door, allowing him to enter her room. She closed the door behind him, taking deep and slow breaths as though to still herself, while Sokka removed the helmet and hood from the uniform. Azula glanced at him, finding he seemed determined, yet distraught. She had seen him like this before, countless times… yet never under circumstances quite like these. Azula was supposed to be the one who was upset, right? Yet why did it seem like he was, too?

"I'm sorry I showed up so suddenly," he said, with a grave voice. "I guess you probably were going to bed already, but…"

"I couldn't sleep," she said. She hadn't tried, to begin with, but she had no doubt she wouldn't have managed to fall unconscious easily tonight.

"I guess I should be sorry about that, too," said Sokka, glancing at her.

Azula sighed and walked towards him, her arms firmly wrapped around her body.

"You're here to say whatever it is I didn't let you earlier?" she asked. Sokka frowned, squaring his jaw.

"In truth, I thought maybe it'd make no difference," he said. "That you'd just hate me for what I've done regardless of why I did it, but… but I thought I should give this a shot anyways. At least if I explain you won't end up imagining things that didn't happen, to say one thing."

"Afraid I'll assume you had them all at once again?" she asked. Sokka's eyes widened.

"Please tell me you weren't assuming that…"

"No, I wasn't," she said, with a weak smile. "But seeing how it went the last time I assumed anything about your previous partners, it seemed the thing to ask right now."

"Well, I'll put your mind at ease and let you know that no, I didn't have any girls simultaneously," said Sokka, sighing again as Azula walked towards her bed. "If that helps at all."

"It helps slightly. But it's not enough to appease me just yet," said Azula, taking her seat at the border of the bed. Sokka sighed.

"I get it if you decide that I'm just not worth the risk after this," he said, gritting his teeth as he felt his heart churn upon the mere thought of their relationship ending. "It's… it's fine if you do. You have every right to. There's always been too much at stake, and I wasn't completely honest about many things I should have told you about ages ago. So, I won't hold it against you."

"But you still want to explain it all in case it'll change my mind, if that were what I had in mind to begin with," said Azula, raising an eyebrow. Sokka nodded.

"It might be no use in the end, but you deserve the full truth," he said. "So… if you'll let me, I'll tell you now. Before things get any worse."

Azula sighed and nodded in resignation, against her better judgment. She honestly didn't think she wanted to hear this, it'd probably only make her feel worse… but he wasn't wrong to think that her overactive imagination might make her picture things that had never happened. His bad times in the Amateur League had scarred him deeply, she knew as much, and this particular matter seemed to bring him no joy either. Maybe, despite what she dreaded, his past experiences hadn't been blissful at all…

"Alright, so… for starters, there's a reason there were only seven instead of the twelve you assumed there would have been," said Sokka. Azula raised her eyebrows.

"You were with some of them more than once?" she asked, the bite of her own words making her chest ache as she considered the possibility.

"No. Well, somewhat, but it wasn't like that with her," said Sokka, closing his eyes. Azula raised an eyebrow.

"Uh, are you going to tell me you fell in love with any of them, by any chance, or…?"

"No, no, none of that," said Sokka, sitting next to her on the mattress. "That's not what I meant. But the thing is… the first time one of these events happened, I was at a loss. I had no idea what was going on. I simply shrank in the darkness, somewhat appalled upon understanding those women were prostitutes, and upon realizing that they were supposed to be here to please the gladiators. I hoped not to catch the eye of any of them, but…"

"You caught one indeed," Azula finished. Sokka sighed.

"She jumped on me, and I barely had time to register what was happening. Still, eventually I pushed her away and asked her what on earth was she doing. I hadn't even looked at her, had no idea who she was, what her name was… so how did she expect us to just do something without even knowing one another? Granted at the time I wasn't exactly aware of how these encounters worked, so she explained it to me… yet I realized she had tears in her eyes as she spoke."

"She did?" Azula asked, frowning. "She didn't want you?"

"Actually, no," said Sokka. "And from the looks of it, none of them ever did. They didn't want me nor any of the other guys. Because you see… despite what you might have thought, these women weren't having sex for money because they thought it would be fun. They were having sex because they were forced to: as it turns out, they weren't actually prostitutes, they were slaves. Huang Li had bought their services for a night so they would amuse his gladiators and cheer them up, all so he could see to it that the one who had the most fun, according to his standards, would be forced to fight relentlessly the next day, five fights in a row even, if he were to survive the first ones. So, as you might imagine, the arrival of these women was… well, often heralding doom for whoever figured they'd enjoy the night to their best."

Azula's eyes were wide now, to no surprise of Sokka's. He breathed deeply, wondering how she'd feel when he got to the worse parts of his story.

"So, about this woman… she told me she had to be with a guy no matter what, because that was the only way her handler would leave her be. If she were to return untouched to the brothel, he'd be furious, and there was no telling what he'd do to her. But before she tried again, I told her she didn't have to do anything she didn't want to. That we could just lie down, stay in silence if she wished, or even chat, if she'd rather do that…"

"Are you serious?" Azula asked, looking at him in disbelief. Sokka nodded.

"I can't lie about having felt curious for a moment. I mean, I figure most people would be, in their first exchange of this nature with someone from the opposite sex," he said, shrugging. "So far the only girl my age I knew was my sister. And, well, I did meet you before that, but we didn't really know each other…"

"I understand," said Azula, frowning. "I mean… it is true. It's hard to help wondering what it would be like, regardless of who it's with."

"It's almost about figuring out what's the fuss about love, if anything," said Sokka, with a small smile. "To find out if it's just as wonderful as many people depict it. But evidently, that wasn't what was going on there. Yes, I was curious, but not to the point where I wanted to force myself on a woman who had already stated she didn't want me. So, she accepted my offer, and as we laid down, she actually told me why she didn't want me: she had a family, had been married, but when slavery began, her, her husband and children had all been bought and sold in different places, into different kinds of servitude. As a grown woman, she had been forced into the sex trade and sold off in Hui Yi. She had to bear with this lifestyle, feeling like she barely deserved to live for betraying her husband with every new customer the brothel's owner sent her way. Of course, I told her she wouldn't have to worry about that whenever she came here. She would just have to come find me each time, and I'd see to it that she'd be able to stay loyal to her husband if just for one day. She was very grateful for that."

"I assume, since she had children, that she must have been older than you?" said Azula. Sokka nodded.

"She had to be in her forties or so. I never bothered asking," he said. Azula nodded.

"So, you kept your promise? Or did you…?"

"I did. For four of her visits. She was always relieved to find out I had survived through those months of frequent fights to the death. She could hardly believe I had, and frankly, I couldn't blame her. We kept to our arrangement each time she was brought to the barracks, and I was surprised to see she even seemed happy when we last met, as she told me all about her children and how they had been learning to read and write before the Fire Nation's army had attacked their city."

Azula swallowed hard, lowering her gaze as Sokka breathed deeply again. She knew the Fire Nation had harmed countless people and ruined many lives, but hearing it like this was more devastating than she expected it to be. When Sokka had mentioned a brothel before she had imagined the workers to be women who were constantly craving sex, eager for new partners and new experiences… she hadn't expected slaves who had hated having to do what they did in order to have food and shelter, if they had those things at all.

"By the fifth time the women from the brothel were brought to the barracks, though, she was nowhere around," said Sokka. Azula frowned, wary. "I climbed out of my usual hole in the shadows, fearing some other gladiator had gotten to her before she could reach me, but I saw her nowhere. While I stood there, one of the other girls noticed me and, just as the first time, she threw herself at me. She was a bit younger this time, granted, but anyways… I told her I was looking for someone. When I described the woman I was talking about, she made a face and I knew something awful had happened. Granted, I had feared she'd be dead, but that wasn't it…"

"What happened to her?" Azula asked.

"Apparently, Huang Li must have noticed that she and I did nothing at all, and he told on us to the brothel's owner," said Sokka, gritting his teeth. "The bastard decided to punish her by giving her a harsh beating first, and afterwards torturing her to the point of crippling her: he took one of her hands, from what this girl told me."

Azula's mouth fell open as she gazed at him in horror and disbelief. Sokka was only glaring at the carpeted floor before him, his glacial eyes and clenched fists evidence of how hard it was on him to recall hearing those words.

"All because I thought I'd do the right thing," he said. "All because I wanted to give her a chance to feel less appalled by herself and by what they were forcing her to do. She wasn't allowed to go back to the barracks again after that, simply because Huang Li paid for full women, you see… he didn't want a cripple. From what this girl told me, now she would be forced to receive the guests who were unable to pay for the full packages, since she wasn't a full package herself either way."

"That's just…"

"The most disgusting, horrifying thing? Possibly," said Sokka, gritting his teeth. "If I thought I had it hard, I changed my mind after meeting them. Granted that they didn't have to flirt with death every time they were forced to do their 'jobs', but even so, they had to endure things I couldn't begin to imagine. You weren't wrong, if you expected they'd have diseases. I think a few of them had some, although, since I've never noticed anything on me, I guess I wasn't infected with anything after all. But they put their lives at risk in different, more demeaning ways yet. I had always wanted to be a warrior, and being an amateur gladiator was, if anything, the lowest version of a warrior someone could be. But them? Which of them had ever dreamt of being stuck in a whorehouse, with impending threats of dismemberments and torture if they ever dared step out of line? None, I'm sure.

"But if… but if I didn't do what I was supposed to do with them, the same thing would happen again. If I didn't take this girl, her fate would be the same as the one before her. So…"

"So, you did it," said Azula, swallowing hard. "And you did it every time ever since."

"Despite what you might have thought, it wasn't fun," said Sokka. "Truth is, sex had never been fun, or enjoyable, until I had it with you. Before then it was just a peak of arousal, followed by all sorts of self-deprecating thoughts…"

"Even with… with the bounty hunter?" Azula asked, raising her eyebrows. Sokka nodded.

"Even with her. I apologized to her, even," he said. "Because, well… you'll want to kill me for this too, of course, and saying this won't help my case at all…"

"But?" Azula asked, as Sokka rubbed his forehead.

"But when I was with June, I was only thinking about you. And by that, I mean I literally forgot who I was with because the only thought in my mind was you. I probably even… called your name, I think. She didn't give a damn either way, but I get the feeling I did it," he whispered.

Azula wasn't sure whether if that last revelation was meant to be more flattering or insulting. She still hated the fact that he'd been with June as he had, and the memory of that time still stung, even if the pain had mitigated slightly over time. But to think he had forgotten who he was with, even, because of her…?

"Anyhow, I guess the only real detail worth giving you is… well, the answer to your question from earlier," said Sokka, burying his face in his hand. "It was the second to last girl I was with, before you came to save me. She seemed a lot less experienced than the others, and there was a point where she couldn't seem to move anymore, so I had to do it instead. I think she didn't enjoy it half as much as you did, if that's any consolation."

"Huh…" said Azula, looking at Sokka with uncertainty. He sighed.

"I doubt you want or need to hear anything other than that, but there you go. That's my story. It does nothing to change what I've done, I'm aware, but… but now you get why I was 'so experienced'. Truth be told, I would have rather not been experienced at all… then again, if I hadn't been, our first time would have been a disaster, but… but it might have been worth all the more to learn all about this together, huh? And yet…"

"Stop saying that sort of thing," said Azula, sighing. "It's not your fault. I understand now."

"I still wish I just hadn't done all that, though…" he grunted.

"I can't blame you," said Azula. "I… I did before, I guess, because I was too outraged to listen. But I… I was a fool. I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault. I would have been outraged too if I were you," he said, shrugging.

"You might have been, but you're wrong," said Azula, glaring at the floor. "It is my fault."

"Azula, you were only mad because you care, that's…"

"That's not what I meant," said Azula, looking at him intently. "I meant… that it's literally my fault that you had to endure that. You're awfully blinded by your feelings for me, that has been obvious for a while, but it was, by all means, my fault that you ended up there. That you had to suffer for two years as you did."

Sokka gritted his teeth as Azula sighed, burying her face in her hands, her fingers slipping through her hair. He looked at her, uncertain if he was allowed to touch her at all, even if he longed to do so to comfort her. She didn't seem angry, but he didn't dare assume anything as it was.

"Love me all you want now, it doesn't change the fact that you hated me back then," said Azula. "And for good reason. And I… what right do I have to be mad when this was all my fault? When I've…? Every single time this has happened it's because I've thrown you into the arms of other women, knowingly or not. Because even when it came to the bounty hunter…"

"Don't blame yourself for that too, Azula, please," said Sokka. "I mean, if you want me to acknowledge things as they are, and to say that my time in the Amateur Arena was your fault, then you have to do the same for me and acknowledge that I was fully conscious of my actions too. I wasn't knocked out cold and done with as they saw fit. That I was disgusted with myself doesn't change what I did."

"It helps that you were, though. Believe it or not," said Azula, sighing. "You always hated what you'd done, but it took over two years for me to start repenting for what I'd done to you, so… so who's the worse one out of the two of us?"

"I'd rather not answer that question," said Sokka, with a weak grin. "I'm afraid nothing you say can change my answer…"

"We know you're awfully biased in my favor," said Azula. Sokka raised his head, finding she gazed at him wistfully. "So you'll always say it's you. But really…"

"Azula, I didn't tell you all this just so you'd despise yourself for it," said Sokka. "I… I told you because I thought it was the only thing I could do if I really hoped not to lose you. Because for a moment there, I thought…"

"You thought I was through with you," said Azula. "That this would be enough for me to freak out and dump you for good."

"I… I didn't know what to think. Rui Shi just started saying things and…"

"Rui Shi?" said Azula, raising her eyebrows.

"He showed up to make sure you went home, as always. When he saw you weren't there, and Song told him we'd had a fight, he was elated," said Sokka, his eyebrow twitching. "And he seemed delighted by the idea of you finally giving up on me. So…"

"What else can you expect from the man, really?" said Azula, sighing and shaking her head.

"Yeah, I guess, but… but he said something about how he'd see to it that you'd marry an idiot who couldn't tell I had soiled you. And when he used that word, well… I started to wonder if this was really over. If we were really over."

"You know… I do need to work on my temper, perhaps?" said Azula, raising her eyebrows. "And you need to open up about things I need to know so we don't have such mishaps. But if we're going to assume we're over with every single fight we have, Sokka… well, I have the feeling we'll be on and off consistently for however long this lasts between us. We're too different, too proud, too conflictive. We'll fight all the time, that's a given because we've been fighting since we first met. So…"

"So, you think I can't just assume things are lost beyond repair every single time?" Sokka asked.

"Well… when have they been?" Azula asked. "If they ever had been, we wouldn't be having this conversation right now, would we?"

Sokka looked at her from the corner of his eye, smiling weakly. To his relief and surprise, one of her hands reached for his. She clasped his fingers in her hand, squeezing them gently.

"But even so, I still think… I still think I don't quite enjoy these fights as much as I enjoy the less serious ones," she whispered. "Even if we're likely to keep clashing because that's what we always do, I… I'd rather we don't do it about stuff like this anymore. And by that, I mean…"

"I've had nothing with any other women, I can swear," said Sokka. "Seriously, unless having a crush on one woman from my Tribe when I was like… what, three? Unless that counts for something, I assure you…"

"Oh. Well, good to know I wasn't the only one with childhood crushes," said Azula, with a small grin. Sokka snorted.

"Well, she didn't have sideburns…"

"What's your problem with sideburns, really?" Azula asked, as he laughed softly.

"I don't know, I don't know. I guess if I knew the guy any better, I'd be able to use anything else as his defining feature, but so far what stands out the most are the sideburns," he said, smiling at her. Azula smiled too, despite herself, and shook her head.

"Well, it's still good to know about your childhood crushes too. That way there's really not much you can surprise me with, or is there?"

"Not that I can think of," said Sokka. "And in the end, the only woman I've really wanted to be with is you. I know that doesn't do much to appease your concerns, but…"

"Well, my concerns are of a different nature by now, I have to admit," said Azula, looking at Sokka with uncertainty before turning towards him, angling her body so she'd face him. "You've kept quiet about your past for a long time, from your early years in your Tribe to the hell you endured in the Amateur League. I… I had no idea how bad you had it, and despite I kept trying to imagine it, after what you've just explained I can't help but think I still know nothing about your life back then. So… so this time I won't force you to talk. I'd be a fool to do that to you again, considering I forced you to talk about this earlier. But… but whenever you're ready, whenever you think it's time, I want you to tell me about your two years in there. I… I think I need to hear it."

"You do?" said Sokka, swallowing hard. "Why?"

"Because I've obsessed over the pain you've caused me while conveniently forgetting the one I caused you. It's… it's been a long time coming," she said. "I've been looking at all your scars up close these days, never asking how they came to be because I was too scared of the truth. Too scared to face the strife I've caused you. So... it's time I acknowledge and deal with this as I should have from the start."

"You really…?" said Sokka, looking at her in disbelief.

Azula lifted his hand, holding it between hers. It was covered with a glove, but she knew the marks his palm and fingers bore, most of them of unknown origins for Azula. The more acquainted she had grown with his body, the more she had wondered and worried over the countless wounds he had been inflicted over time. She couldn't put off asking him any longer.

Sokka breathed in, clasping her hands in his. He wasn't sure he was ready for this, to unveil the countless memories he had buried in his past. He closed his eyes, thinking it'd be for the best somehow. Maybe talking to her would ease his sorrows one way or another…

"Alright. Alright," he said, breathing deeply. "I guess I should start from the beginning."

Azula gritted her teeth, bracing herself, still holding his hand.

---

Song hadn't expected Rui Shi to be so cooperative during the afternoon: he was more remorseful than expected after teasing Sokka earlier. He had been a helpful assistant in the kitchen, and to Song's surprise she had soon forgotten all about Sokka's current predicaments as she laughed while teaching Rui Shi how to prepare certain meals. He was a diligent student, an impressionable one, too, and he worked hard to ensure things would be just as Song wanted them.

She found his diligent façade endearing, with his sleeves rolled back and his brow furrowed as he focused on chopping vegetables as thinly as possible. Sometimes he bit his lip, another gesture of concentration, and he always smiled when she showed approval of his efforts.

It was hard to ignore how much fun it was to cook with a friend, Song thought, as they were finishing dinner. She prepared the dinner courses, setting up a meal for Sokka, knowing the food would go to waste because he wasn't in his room. Yet Rui Shi wasn't aware of that…

"I think I'll take his tray," Rui Shi said, as Song finished preparing Sokka's food. She grimaced.

"U-uh, best not. He's, uh…"

"Mad at me for what I said? I thought he would be, it's why I wanted to do it," said Rui Shi. "I figured I'd talk to him to make amends for what I said earlier, or try to, at the very least."

"W-well, I think it's safer if you give him some space. I'll bring him his food, and you and I can eat down here…"

"Well… can't he come downstairs to eat too?" Rui Shi asked. "Maybe you can ask if he'd like to?"

"Oh, well, I… I could?" said Song, swallowing hard. "I will! I'll try. But don't take it personally if he wants to stay upstairs crying over the Princess, haha. He does that all the time, even when they're on good terms, just because he misses her even if he saw her ten minutes earlier, so it's no big deal, really. He's fine. He'll be fine."

"I hope so," said Rui Shi, nodding as Song walked away with the tray.

She climbed all the way to Sokka's room and set down the tray on his dresser, a grimace on her face as she listened worriedly for Rui Shi's footsteps. He hadn't decided to follow her up here, had he? It seemed not.

She sighed, wondering how long she'd have to wait in here to make sure Rui Shi would believe her pretense. She didn't like the idea of leaving all this good food up here, letting it go to waste seemed so wrong… but it was all in order to protect Sokka's alibi. She swallowed hard, imagined what the conversation might go like if Sokka were really there, and she convinced herself that it wouldn't last too long… so she left the room and returned downstairs, where Rui Shi waited at the kitchen table.

"He's still brooding. As I figured he would be," said Song, smiling a little. "But it's not your fault, not at all. It's all because of whatever problems he's having with the Princess, I'm sure of it."

Rui Shi sighed and nodded, but he smiled as he readied himself to eat. Song beamed as he took the first mouthful of stew only to nod approvingly.

"It's good?" she asked.

"You're a wonderful cook," he said, smiling too as he dug in. Song laughed a little.

"Well, you were a great assistant today," she said. "Maybe we should cook together more often. Y-you know, maybe the meals would taste their best that way, right?"

"Maybe," Rui Shi answered, with a somewhat shy grin as he ate more.

Song blushed and bit her lip before returning to reality. She had to eat too, of course she did. Staring at Rui Shi like a moron would only make him uncomfortable.

"O-oh… this is good. It's really good!" she exclaimed, her eyes widening. "We really should do this more often! Rui Shi, you're a natural!"

"Really? I doubt it," he said, chuckling. "I remember trying my hand at cooking a few times as a young boy… it was a catastrophe."

"You did?" said Song, smiling. He shrugged.

"I didn't understand how anything worked, my parents weren't quite pleased with the wreckage I left in my wake. The servants spent all afternoon cleaning flour and broken eggs scattered on the floor, and of course I had to be disciplined," he sighed. Song grimaced.

"Disciplined how?" she asked. He smiled.

"It wasn't that bad. My father was in the military as well, so he mostly just made me exercise until I was fully spent. I'm pretty sure he did that so I'd be too tired to try causing any more trouble for the rest of the day."

"So, you were a troublemaker as a child?" said Song, smiling a little. "That's unexpected."

"I guess I wasn't that much trouble," said Rui Shi, with a small smile. "But I wasn't always as I am now. A lot of things change once you join the academy."

"I guess they must," Song asked. "Did they treat you well there, or…?"

"It was harsh, but that's how it's supposed to be. They were far more determined to discipline their recruits than my father was when I was a child," he said, smiling. "I was somewhat used to the exercises, though, so I knew how to deal with most of them."

"You were one of the best recruits?"

"I had to be. Else I wouldn't have been eligible to be part of the Royal Guards," he said. Song bit her lip and nodded.

"Since when were you training in the military, though? How old were you when you joined?"

"I think… fourteen," Rui Shi said. Song's eyes widened.

"Wow, you were young," she said. Rui Shi smiled.

"It's best to start early. Disciplining the mind and body becomes more complicated once you're older," he said. "Sometimes it was hard, but… I enjoyed it. I've always found it's easier to live life when you have a goal to strive for. At first, I wanted to follow on my father's footsteps, then I decided I could go further still and strive for the position of a Royal Guard. After that, my goal was to protect the Fire Nation Royal Family no matter what, and to protect the Princess, once I became the Captain of her personal guards…"

"You're a very determined and loyal man," said Song, smiling. "I'm sure she's more than happy to have you as her Captain."

"Oh, well. I suppose she would be," he said, raising his eyebrows. "Although I couldn't stop her from getting involved with Sokka, and now I must protect their secret, for better or for worse… I wonder if another man might have been able to prevent what I couldn't put a stop to."

"Heh, I doubt it," said Song, smiling awkwardly. "Sorry but… they were going to do whatever they wanted, one way or another. If the thought of the Fire Lord's rage didn't stop them, nothing would."

"You're probably right," said Rui Shi, sighing. Song smiled.

"Don't think poorly of yourself, Rui Shi. You're a great man. Your parents must be very proud," she said. Rui Shi bit his lip and nodded.

"I'd hope so. Though, well… they've passed away by now," he said. Song froze. "Only a few years apart. At least my mother got to see me become a Royal Guard before she died…"

"That's… I'm so sorry," said Song. Rui Shi smiled.

"It's fine. I've made my peace with it, and I honor their memories every year," he said.

"Is that why… why you don't have much to be attached to?" Song asked. "You mentioned you had to be ready to give up your life for the Princess if need be, and that this was why tight family bonds and friendships weren't advised for you…"

"In a sense, yes. It's my duty too, so even if they lived, they would understand if I kept some distance," he said. "It isn't an easy life, especially not when your charge has the tendency to make your job harder with every new decision she makes… but I think it's worth it, despite it all."

"You care a lot about her," said Song, smiling. "As you should, if you're to do your job right."

"I suppose," said Rui Shi, nodding. "Though…"

"Yes?" said Song, as he fell silent. He smiled a little before focusing on the food again.

"It's only that… that despite what's advised in terms of emotional attachment, I find I've skipped that rule just as the Princess has skipped hers," he said. Song smiled.

"If it'll make you a better guard, I'd say it's fine to skip a few rules," she said, taking another mouthful of stew.

Rui Shi gazed at her, guessing he had to be a little more direct if he wanted her to understand his meaning. Yes, he cared about the Princess, but his riskier emotional attachment these days wasn't with Azula. And indeed, it wasn't wise to be invested in his friendship with Song to this degree, let alone was it wise to wonder if they could have something more than friendship, but perhaps he had become more daring and reckless after seeing how reckless Azula and Sokka could be.

Still… he wasn't reckless enough to act on his feelings, not yet. He would have to ask her if she was interested in him in the same way and, considering the hard feelings she used to have for soldiers, he wouldn't be surprised if she outright rejected him. It was one thing to accept not all Fire Nation soldiers were monsters, but it was another one to be romantically interested in one, right?

He decided to keep eating, as Song glanced at him with curiosity. Discovering a few more things about Rui Shi's past had been quite a surprise, since he seldom spoke about himself. She wondered what his younger years had been like, what ordeals he had endured during his time in the military academy, what his first assignments had been like… if he had any family members left, too. The thought that he'd have none was saddening, even if it seemed Rui Shi had indeed made his peace with his solitude.

They finished eating, and Rui Shi offered to wash the dishes for her. Song blushed as she told him not to worry, but he insisted. Song smiled, but the grin waned when he asked a dreaded question:

"What about Sokka's plates?"

"W-what…?" said Song, blinking blankly.

"I should go upstairs to collect them, is all…" he said. Song shook her head.

"N-no, no, he's… he's probably taking his time to eat. I'll take care of those in the morning," she said, smiling uncomfortably. Rui Shi raised an eyebrow.

"I won't make matters worse, you know. You don't have to protect him from me like that. I won't say anything stupid…"

"N-no, I mean, it's not that. It's just… I know Sokka. He's not fun company right now," she said, still with an uncomfortable smile. "He'll be better later, surely. Tomorrow, maybe. I… hope"

"Huh," said Rui Shi, shrugging as he started with the dishes. "Well, he'd better be. It won't do for him to mope forever, he'll have to deal with whatever problem they have sooner than later."

"Oh, he knows that," said Song. "He's just… going to take the night to think things through. Yup."

"Right," said Rui Shi. Song sighed in relief once he stopped asking questions.

She ended up helping him dry the plates, and again the activity was far more fun than always. She laughed as Rui Shi proved to be a perfectionist even in the art of dishwashing, ensuring to clean up every last stain on each plate, regardless of how small it seemed. He blushed but smiled over her amusement, and he carried on cleaning all dishes thoroughly.

"Well… now what?" said Song, as they left the kitchen for the first time in hours. Rui Shi sighed as he looked at the stairs, his gaze flickering towards the closed door he knew was Sokka's room.

"I really think I ought to talk to him," he insisted. Song flinched.

"W-why, though? It's not… you really don't have to do that," she said. Rui Shi sighed.

"I just feel like… like it's the right thing to do," he said, turning to look at her. "Besides, he's been awfully quiet all this time… isn't it odd?"

"W-well, he was fine when I last went upstairs, so there's no need to worry about him," Song lied. Rui Shi raised an eyebrow.

"I'd rather talk to him anyways, though. You don't have to be so afraid, Song, I won't do anything we'll regret," he said, smiling. Song grimaced as he made for the stairs.

"N-no! I mean, what if it's not you who does something stupid, but him?!" she cried out, racing up a few steps and standing between Rui Shi and the upper floor. "I really don't want today to be any trouble, not after we had such a… a wonderful evening. Right?"

"Well, that's exactly why I want to talk to him. I want to make sure there's no trouble to be had," said Rui Shi, frowning. "Why are you so keen on keeping me downstairs? Or on keeping him upstairs? Is it you really think we're going to have an awful conflict, or is it something else…?"

"W-what else could it be?" she asked, blushing deeply. She had to think fast. She had started lying to Rui Shi already, she couldn't let him discover the truth now, no matter what happened…

"Well, I wouldn't know, but…" said Rui Shi, blushing too. "Is it you… you wanted to be alone with me?"

Song froze in place, stunned breathless by his guess. Rui Shi grimaced at her reaction, the redness of his cheeks gaining further intensity.

"N-never mind! Sorry, I understand that was inappropriate, uncalled for, I… I was being a fool. I'm sorry, I…" he said, lowering his gaze and stepping down from the staircase altogether.

"R-Rui Shi…?" said Song. He avoided looking at her, even bowing his head towards her.

"Do forgive my indiscretion. It was uncalled for," he said.

Song swallowed hard. Was it? Did Rui Shi understand she had grown to like him that much over time? Perhaps he did. And given his bashful response… did he really feel the same way?

Her cheeks reddened as one last, desperate idea to keep Rui Shi ignorant of the truth came to her mind. But it was one last desperate idea that might just ensure he'd stop apologizing, and that might reassure him that he hadn't misread Song quite as badly as he had thought…

"I… I don't think it was an… an indiscretion," she whispered. Rui Shi frowned and met her gaze, uncertain.

"You don't?" he asked. "I… I mean…"

"R-Rui Shi, I…!" she said, taking a step forward on the stairs.

But focused as he was on him, that only resulted in her missing the next step, and requiring him to catch her in midair as she fell clumsily. His arms were around her waist, and he lifted her up to a standing position, worry in his eyes.

"Song, are you alright? Did you hurt yourself?" he asked, glancing down at her legs to make sure she'd be fine…

But just as he lowered his face, Song threw all caution and common sense into the wind. She pushed herself upwards, and her lips met his.

Rui Shi's blush grew stronger still as he held her, uncertain of what was happening altogether. Was she really kissing him? She pulled away after a moment, upon noticing he hadn't returned the kiss at all. Her cheeks were just as red as his.

"R-Rui Shi, I…" she whispered, looking into his confused eyes.

Well, now she had done it. She'd have to apologize and confess the truth now, there was nothing else to it. What on earth had gotten into her? Why had she thought kissing him was a good idea? He couldn't possibly like her that way: his bashfulness's source had simply been his mistake about his earlier guess, it had never meant that he liked her too…

"Are you alright?" he asked again, breathlessly. Song gritted her teeth and nodded.

"I just… tripped. I'm fine," she said, as he released her carefully, her feet firmly planted on the floor.

She felt beyond stupid, tears threatening to spill from her eyes, her throat burning too. She was going to kill Sokka when he came back, everything be damned. To think she had kissed Rui Shi to keep Sokka's escapade a secret… though she had wanted to do it, there was no denying it, but she had done it for Sokka's sake too. Why was she this nice? She shouldn't be! She had to stop doing him favors, that was obvious, because every time she tried…!

Her internal rant ended when she felt Rui Shi's gloved hand brushing a strand of her hair away from her face. She blinked, raising her confused eyes to search his face once more. He no longer appeared so perplexed, although he seemed anxious regardless.

"Are you… sure?" he asked. Song swallowed hard again, her throat rather dry all of sudden. Why was he asking that? Why was he touching her hair? Why did it seem he was leaning closer to her…?

"R-Rui Shi…" she whispered, but he cut her off before she could say anything else.

Her eyes closed by instinct as he surrounded her with his arms, kissing her fully now, no longer paralyzed or hesitating as he had been before. Her urge to cry disappeared just as fast as it had showed up, and she slid her hands up his chest as she kissed him back.

Perhaps Sokka had wanted her to distract Rui Shi, but she had gotten a rather pleasant surprise out of it, too. Maybe she didn't have to be so mad at the gladiator, after all…

---

"Okay, so… the days on your Barge were a blur. Probably because I was in pain, too much of it to even notice if I was being fed, or given anything to drink, let alone did I know if my wounds were treated at all. I guess I was treated, though, or else I probably would have died on the ship. I kept drifting in and out of consciousness for days, I figure, but to me it felt like hours between being in the South Pole and suddenly being dragged by two guards into Hui Yi. They led me to this camp, and I guess they just left me there? I honestly don't remember enough of what was happening, whether they sold me or just gave me away to any slave merchant… still, things were less blurry there. Probably because it was less dark than whatever room I'd been thrown into in your Barge…"

"You… you weren't in a room. It was the ship's prison cell," Azula whispered, through gritted teeth. "Hence the lack of light."

"Huh," said Sokka, grimacing. "I do suppose I was fed, though, right?"

"I told two of my guards to see to it that you survived until we reached the mainland," Azula muttered. "I didn't check in to make sure they'd done their jobs, though. Still, it was a two-week journey. If you'd gone without food, water or medical care for that long you couldn't have survived, so…"

"No, I probably couldn't have," said Sokka, nodding. "Well, then, I guess I was treated better in your ship's prison than in Hui Yi altogether. Though that's somewhat a given, considering you're the Princess, but anyways… I don't remember much of my time in the camp, or market, whatever the hell it was, only that eventually Huang Li came by and he decided to buy me as soon as he saw me. I had been allowed to keep my weapons, it was only logical that I'd be a gladiator. So… I was dragged by Huang Li's men into his barracks, not knowing I'd be staying there for the next two years. I didn't really understand what was going to happen, for starters. All I saw were men who looked battered, some wounded, some malnourished, all of them filthy. I didn't know where I was or what I was supposed to do there, and I wasn't going to discover it for a few more weeks.

"Huang Li had one of his men tend to me until I was fit for battle. I didn't know for sure that I would be sent to fight, but I had a feeling that was what would happen, seeing how I still had my weapons. I didn't understand what the gladiator business was until my first fight. Huang Li explained to me what I was supposed to do: I was to fight someone and put on a show so I could prove I'd been worth the money he had blown on me. I was still confused when I was tossed into the arena.

"I… I realized I wasn't supposed to win from the start. People laughed when I tripped and fell face-first in the sand, and they cheered when my rival appeared. I tried to reason with him, but he had attacked me immediately. I could see in his eyes that he wasn't happy to do it, that he didn't want to kill me… but he had no choice. And neither did I."

Azula gritted her teeth as Sokka let out a deep breath. He fiddled with his thumbs briefly, his elbows on his knees, before shaking his head.

"I didn't want to die, obviously. So, I avoided him, fought back even though I barely knew what I was doing. He was much bigger than me, far stronger… so all I could do was outsmart him. But then, after outsmarting him, I… I hurt him. I cut into his stomach with my knife. He collapsed face-up, staring at the sky as I stood there, horrified by what I had done. I'd… I'd already killed a soldier in the settlement, and I reminded myself of it, but it only made me feel worse about myself. I just stood there, staring at him, until Huang Li started shouting at me, telling me to finish him off. I refused… and then Huang Li had Tai Rong intervene."

"Tai Rong?" Azula asked.

"One of his hired men. He fought as a gladiator too from time to time, but he wasn't like the rest of us," said Sokka. "The Barracks had a handful of guards and he served as one of them, but all of them were well-fed, strong, trained in battle, firebenders capable of killing or knocking out opponents without a hitch. So, he came into the Arena, and I thought he was going to kill me… but no. He just grabbed me, the hand with which I was holding my club and… and he made me slam it into my opponent's skull."

Sokka swallowed, closing his eyes. The scene was still vivid in his mind, so vivid it almost felt like it had happened the day before. He breathed out, sensing Azula flinch beside him.

"The crowd cheered. Just the spectacle they'd wanted to watch," he grunted, spitefully. "I was dragged back into the barracks by Tai Rong, told to wash off the filth and blood by the water pump. I did it frantically, trying not to cry as I did, but… but I could barely hold it in. I told myself to stop it, that I'd become a laughingstock to all these men who were sitting around, watching… but they didn't laugh. None of them did. They didn't show any kindness either, but they didn't judge me, didn't care. It took a few more weeks for me to realize why: a pair of new gladiators arrived, a younger and an older one. I… I had the feeling they knew each other from earlier, probably from their days in the Earth Kingdom or wherever it was they'd come from. And…"

"And because of their closeness, Huang Li made them fight each other," Azula guessed. Sokka nodded.

"He did it to me, too," he whispered. Azula's eyes widened. "It wasn't that bad, but it happened once when… when another gladiator didn't want any more of the lousy food we were fed. He gave me half his dinner. I thanked him… and I guess Tai Rong, or any other of the guard-gladiators, noticed. They told Huang Li about it, and guess who I was fighting on the next day, under the scorching midday sunlight?"

Azula took a deep breath as she buried her face in a hand. She remembered he had mentioned that ages ago, but she hadn't paid it much attention. Sokka breathed out slowly.

"Same story repeated itself non-stop for two years," he said. "I didn't always fight, but the days I did I… I often wished I would just face off against one of the special gladiators, like Tai Rong, and just be killed already. But that never happened. I think Huang Li hated me, hated most of us, but he probably made enough profit off me not to need me dead altogether. He only sent Tai Rong and the likes of him to kill gladiators who were too much trouble, like the ones who tried to escape…"

"Someone did?" Azula asked. Sokka nodded.

"A few of them. They were caught, burned, beaten. Then killed on the Arena on the next day. Nobody I knew ever escaped," he said. "The knowledge of what might happen if I tried scared me, too. At times I toyed with the idea, thought I could just do that and rid myself of my miserable existence, but… but I was afraid. So, I kept fighting to the end every single time, regardless of how I hated myself for every death I delivered. At times I thought I wouldn't be able to survive, that this would be it for me, but I couldn't give up. I… I was too scared of the blackness. I didn't expect to find anything else in my future but certain death, and I felt like…like I couldn't let my life end like that without having achieved a damn thing with it, you know? But that didn't give me the right to kill others and I still did it, every single time I had to. In the end, I guess… I guess it must have been well over seventy people I killed back then."

"It's… it's gruesome. It's illogical," Azula said, shaking her head. Sokka sighed.

"I thought so too. Buying a slave only to have him die? It's… it's a waste, isn't it?"

"It sounds like it," said Azula. "Unless he made heaps of money, which I question, considering Hui Yi isn't that big a town, there's no logic in that sort of business. It's… it's sick. I thought I knew just how sick it was, but I guess I never really understood it."

"It's fine if you didn't," said Sokka, shrugging. "You only watched… what, one fight?"

"Yes," said Azula. "Your fight against the Dart Slayer. I… I forced myself to watch it to the end, Ty Lee and Mai closed their eyes. I'll say though, that… I was mostly registering the fact that it had to be you. The same slave I'd dragged all the way to the Fire Nation. It had to be."

"And it was," said Sokka, sighing. "Only, a more miserable, battered and shameful version of him. But it was me alright."

"I… I'm sorry," said Azula, gritting her teeth and looking at him guiltily. "I guess it's not worth anything, saying it now, after having left you with those awful memories for so long, never asking about it, never…"

"It's fine, Azula," he said, with a small smile.

"No, it's not," she said, sighing. "It never has been. I've held you to impossible standards and you've… you've done everything you could to reach them. And whenever you failed, I'd be disappointed, frustrated, and you'd feel worthless again, as you did when you were there…"

"If it's any relief, you never made me feel quite as bad as I did in Hui Yi," said Sokka. "Not to say I didn't regret harming you, but… but I wanted to make it up to you, rather than to die for it. Unlike how it was in the Amateur League."

"Did you really think you couldn't have a future?" Azula asked. "That… that there'd be no chance you'd ever get out of there?"

"How was I supposed to expect otherwise?" said Sokka, shrugging. "Death was the only option, from what I could see. So… to answer your earlier question, no, I never stopped to think that maybe one day I'd fall in love with someone, and that I'd regret my encounters with those women by then. I had plenty of reasons not to enjoy it when they were brought to the Arena, but I… I never expected to have a future other than death. I didn't think I'd ever have something real with someone. I didn't think… I didn't think the day would come when death wouldn't be waiting for me around the next corner. I had no future. I lived each day, and if I was lucky, I'd get to live into the next one. That's how it was for all of us who survived… and well, it wasn't a lot of us that did."

"How many did?" Azula asked. Sokka frowned.

"I guess… around eleven. Me included," he said. "Only four of them had been there before my arrival. Hell knows how many of them are left by now…"

Azula shook her head. Sokka sighed as he glanced at her. He wasn't sure if that had been too much information for one night, but it certainly looked that way. He hadn't wanted to burden her with his past, but she had wanted to hear it. She had better know of all of it before further misunderstandings ensued.

"In other regards… Huang Li's twisted events weren't only those with the women," he said. "Twice, while I was there, he surprised us with liquor. I knew better than to drink too much, expecting him to be up to something sick with this… and of course he was. Whoever had the worst hangovers…"

"Off to fight and die," said Azula. Sokka nodded.

"Same as with the women," he said.

"Did he make you fight five times in a row?" she asked. "You mentioned that, but…"

"Well… he did once" said Sokka. "The day after the last time I saw that first woman. I thought he'd assumed I'd had the most fun… it wasn't until later that I realized it was my own punishment for cheating his system. I still won each time, though. He seemed enraged that day… he probably just hoped I'd die."

"Of course he did," said Azula, grimacing. "He always did strike me for a monumental asshole, seeing how the first thing he did was insult me when I addressed him, but with all you've said… I'm tempted to send someone to throw him in jail. Though I guess I have no valid charges as it is, but…"

"Yeah, I guess there's not many laws on how Amateur Gladiator Leagues should be run, right?" said Sokka. Azula shook her head.

"It's not the most respectable business there is, so my father and his administrators keep little to no tabs on it. It's… it's like with Shu Wo. Whatever happens in nests of criminality or dark dealings isn't something the nobles or royals will get involved with, so long as it remains confined to those limits. Setting laws and rules to restrict it… it'd probably end in illegal fighting rings being established, most likely."

"That might be, but… isn't there a way to change things?" Sokka asked. "To make the Amateur Arenas less chaotic? As you said it yourself, as a business it's as good as a failure. There's no way Huang Li made that much profit of it, especially not when he blew his budget constantly by buying new slaves, buying services from the brothel and occasionally alcohol too…"

"Maybe he made more than we think, but it's still a pointless business," said Azula. "Amateur Arenas should be oriented towards grooming gladiators into being eligible for the Superior League, not towards earning little profit through murder and psychological torture. It's pointless."

"Very true," he said.

"Maybe I can see to it that something's done," said Azula, shaking her head. "Even if setting up rules and boundaries won't make people like Huang Li happy… well, I am Crown Princess. I might be able to make things change somehow."

"Hopefully," said Sokka, gazing at her with wistful eyes. Azula sighed, clasping his hand in hers again.

"So, you only had to fight five times in a row once, then?" she asked. To her surprise, he shook his head.

"I mean, just five, yeah. But I also had to fight six times once. For standing up to him when he was yelling at some sixteen-year-old new slave he'd gotten. That happened a few days before you showed up, actually. Maybe a week. He tried to have me die, sick of me as he was, but I still didn't fall. The sun set, people left, he was enraged. He left me alone until the Dart Slayer fight after that. I'm pretty sure he'd gotten him in hopes to have him kill me in the sand pit, but it didn't pay off. If you hadn't found me… well, I might have died mysteriously by the hands of his gladiator-guards a short time later. Probably."

Azula shook her head and leaned closer to him, pressing her forehead to his shoulder. Sokka sighed, surrounding her shoulders with an arm.

"If you say you're sorry now I'll probably take it badly, you know," he said, with a playful smile. "Please don't be sorry you showed up when you did…"

"I'm only sorry I didn't do it sooner," she whispered. "That I didn't… that I didn't stop it from happening from the very start."

"You had no reason to. Just like I had no reason to give a damn about you back then," said Sokka. "I mean… nowadays I can barely believe how I kept daydreaming of fighting you again and taking my revenge. But that's…"

"That's all you did. I know, and I never blamed you for it. Even now I… I actually don't know how you've ended up falling for me despite all this," said Azula, earnestly. "I mean…"

"Maybe it's because I don't hold you accountable for all of it?" Sokka said. Azula snorted.

"You should," she said. "As I've said endless times before. You could have… you could have been spared all this if only I had made a different call. If I'd…"

"If you'd decided to keep me around for no reason?" Sokka asked, smiling. "Or if… if you'd let me go in the South? I can't imagine any reason why you would have felt compelled to do something like that."

"Right, but…" said Azula, looking at him hopelessly. "You didn't deserve that. None of it. None of these scars…"

"I guess not…" whispered Sokka, gritting his teeth as Azula's hand moved to his forearm. "But… I did deserve them, in a sense. At least the ones I got in the Amateur Arena. They're just… reminders. Of what I've done, and why I can't just chicken out and give up or run home with my tail between my legs. It's true that I'm not changing the world greatly as I am, and it's true that we only get a few chances, once in a while, to make things better… but the ones we get, we make the most of. And that… that often makes me feel like maybe I did have a right to live on after all."

"Of course you did," said Azula. "The rest of them did, too. It's not fair that they had to die as they did, but… but you can make the world a better place to honor their memories somehow. It may not be much consolation but… it's the only thing I can suggest."

"It's not enough to make up for it all but… might make me feel like I have a mission in the world or so," said Sokka, with a small smile. "And that's encouraging in its own way. Despite all the scars."

Azula caressed his face. Sokka sighed as he straightened up, no longer slumping as he had been.

"I guess it may sound like I've obsessed over this, but… I still remember how I got most of them," he said. Azula raised her eyebrows.

"Do you want to talk about that too?" she asked. Sokka smiled.

"Well… there's some on my back. They're pretty thin but they might be noticeable anyhow. They came from this girl who likes to scratch my back when we're intimate…"

"Ah. Isn't she rude," said Azula, snorting softly as Sokka smiled at her.

"I like to think she's passionate," he said. She smiled too, despite herself.

"She gave you a few on your neck too, didn't she?" she said, tugging at the fabric of his stolen uniform. The lines on his neck were small, having healed long ago, but still noticeable if they were glanced at carefully.

Sokka chuckled and nodded, glancing at her from the corner of his eyes.

"You did always have a thing for my neck, I'm sure of that," he said, smirking. Azula smiled.

"I'm afraid I have a thing for all of you as it is," she said, leaning closer and embracing him. Sokka sighed, his arm sliding around her waist.

"Baffles me how, even now," he said. She huffed.

"If anything, you shouldn't wonder anymore," she said, caressing the short hairs on the back of his head. "If you could go through all that because of me, whether you want to accept that or not, and yet you fell in love with me later on… I think it speaks all on its own about what sort of a man you are."

"A man who's always been thinking about you, whether fondly or not?" he said, smiling awkwardly. "I mean… I didn't always love you. But curses, woman… you made it unexpectedly easy to fall for you after we met again."

"I think you're slightly out of your mind," said Azula, chuckling softly. "I'm somewhat sure I was a pain in the ass to you at first, at least mostly…"

"Oh, please," said Sokka, kissing her temples. "You were harsh and cold and all that, but you were also the most intriguing woman in the universe. And the more I discovered about you, the harder it was to resist how crazily attracted to you I was."

"Still sounds like you're crazy," she said, relaxing against him and caressing his chest. She could feel some of his scars through his clothes, and by now she remembered most of them by heart.

Sokka raised an eyebrow as she touched a prominent one on his shoulder. One that had hurt for an awfully long time, and been quite the bother to heal…

"It stings sometimes still," Sokka confessed. Azula grimaced. "Guess it's what I get for getting my shoulder impaled on a spike."

"Well, that's one whose story I witnessed myself," she whispered, kissing it gently over his clothes. "Along with others I remember over here."

Her hands moved down to his legs, caressing his strong thighs and trailing the long scars from his first fight with Jet. Sokka nodded.

"I've gotten less scars these days, now I think of it," he said, smiling at her. "Though, well, I have heaps of them already, so it's probably for the best…"

"You have one over here," Azula said, sliding her hand over his hair and caressing a small slit on his scalp. Sokka nodded.

"Took a rock to the head once in the Amateur Arena," he said. "Thought it'd end me, and so did my opponent. Guess he didn't know head wounds bleed a lot."

"Did you?"

"Eh, all I knew was that I wasn't dead yet," he said, smiling.

"Fortunately," said Azula. Sokka chuckled. "There's one I've been curious about, now I think of it…"

"Oh?" said Sokka as Azula moved away and clasped his hand, yanking off his glove.

She caressed his hand, touching several scars that she suspected had been caused by knives or swords. They weren't major, but there was one she had sensed since some time ago, whenever he cupped her face with his right hand…

"This one," said Azula, pointing at his thumb. "I can imagine how most of them happened, but this… how did you get this one on your thumb like this? I can't imagine a knife would manage a scar like that, so…"

Of all things, she didn't expect Sokka to grimace and blush before laughing and shaking his head. Azula raised an eyebrow.

"Uh… huh?"

"Y-yeah, well, it's a funny story," he said, biting his lip. "That one wasn't from Hui Yi. It was from back at the South Pole, and… oh, spirits, I was stupid. Thing is, I went fishing, was on my boat, getting the fishhook ready, but as I was watching the water I, uh… made a bit of a blunder with the bait."

"What kind of blunder?" said Azula, eyeing him warily. Sokka smiled.

"The blunder of mistaking your thumb for the bait?"

"Oh, Sokka!" said Azula, a hand on her face as he chuckled and shook his head.

"My sister freaked out, dragged me back home, all the while yelling at me for being so thoughtless. She tried to get it out, but I said it hurt too much, so she just ran to get Gran Gran, who happened to be napping and she always took a while to get up whenever she fell asleep. And, well… I was a bit desperate, it hurt too much, so I… I thought I could take care of it myself. But my approach to doing so was, uh… unorthodox, I guess. See, if you ever get a fishhook stuck in your thumb, I advise you to not try to get it out by using another fishhook."

"You did what?" Azula asked, gawking at him in disbelief. Sokka laughed and covered his face with his hands.

"Of course, Katara never stopped rubbing that in my face. If I ever claimed to be smarter than her, she'd remind me of that and make me shut up about it," he said, smiling as Azula started chuckling too.

"So, I suppose this means you've just always made questionable decisions, come up with ridiculous ideas…?" she asked, smiling. Sokka laughed.

"Yeah, like wearing a Royal Guard uniform to visit you," he said.

"Or using my hairpiece for your nefarious ends in the Scavenger Hunt," said Azula, raising her eyebrows. Sokka lifted a finger.

"Hey, that paid off well enough, didn't it?" he said, smiling. Azula snorted.

"You stabbed someone with my hairpiece, remember? Paid off or not, that's still something I'm never letting slip from my memory."

"Well, that and basically every dumb thing I've ever done?" he said, raising his eyebrows.

"Indeed. There's plenty of other noteworthy things too," said Azula, smiling. "Like bringing me flowers while I was sick, or claiming I wear too many clothes…"

"Eh, that last one's still true, you know," he said, smirking. Azula laughed and leaned closer to him, resting her head against his shoulder. "Except for when you're in your sleeping wear, but that's not what you wear all the time, so…"

"You're hopeless," she whispered, surrounding him with her arms as she rested against him.

Sokka swallowed hard and gazed at her, noticing she was relaxing as she held him. He had feared the result from today's argument wouldn't be this agreeable… but was it? Were they back on track already? She had listened to him, been patient and understanding, yet he wanted to make sure she would accept him all the same, broken and hopeless as he was.

"S-so… are we good now?" he asked. "Can we live with this? With… all I've done?"

"Do we have a choice?" Azula whispered. "I would take a lot of things back, if I could, and that way you wouldn't have had to endure half of what you did. But… but sadly I'm not a timebender. So… either we learn to live with all this, or we let it consume and destroy us. What choice do we have but to accept it?"

"I guess none, all things considered," said Sokka, biting his lip as he caressed her arm. "I just… I really hoped you'd listen, but I wasn't sure what would come next. I thought that maybe…"

"That I'd decide you're too awful for me as it is?" she said, glancing up at him in surprise. "That I wouldn't accept you anymore, despite I've already been intimate with you too many times to keep count… which is saying something, considering it's been only about three months of this. And yet I can't keep track anymore."

"Really?" said Sokka, smiling a bit. "I'm sure we could count them all if we give it a shot…"

"Maybe," said Azula, smiling too. "But there's no need for that, is there? My point is… I didn't know of this before, and I jumped into this relationship regardless of our past or our future. Now that I know about your past… well, I'm afraid it doesn't make the current you any different. If anything, I feel like… like you should be cut some slack. I was probably far harder on you than I…"

"I didn't say all this so you'd feel awful and guilty, you know?" said Sokka, looking at her with unease. "I just wanted you to know that… well, if you really thought I'd knocked myself out and had the time of my life, I really hadn't. And if you had any doubts still… no, I never loved any of them. I'd never loved a woman for real, not like this, until you came along and made me feel things I never had."

"I… I know. I know that," said Azula, sighing and hugging him tighter. "I mean, you are reckless, but if you didn't love me… you wouldn't be here. You wouldn't have tried as hard as you have for me. You wouldn't have sacrificed all you have. Anyone else would have been easier, and you wouldn't risk certain death if you'd chosen anyone but me. But…"

"But I don't want anyone else," said Sokka, caressing her face. "I never have, and I swear I never will. And I… I guess you know now that I had plenty of reasons to say I was unworthy of you, even if I didn't tell you about them all from the start. But I came here thinking that, whether you decided this was the last straw, or whether you still wanted to be with me, even now… it wouldn't change how I feel about you. Love… you don't give and withdraw it that easily. It's not about getting a reward for your feelings, it's about doing everything in your power to make the one you love happy. And whatever is needed for your happiness, Azula… whatever it is, I'm willing to do it. Even if it's stopping this, or if it's carrying on… just let me know what it is you want, and I'll do my best to make it happen."

"How diligent of you," said Azula, with a gentle smile. She pulled away, caressing his cheek with her knuckles. "But you do realize that's not true for you alone, don't you?"

"What do you mean?" he whispered. She sighed.

"You speak of your love, how you can't give it and withdraw it easily. How nothing changes how you feel about me. How you want me to be happy. Can't you see… that I feel the same way about you?" she said, leaning closer, her forehead against him. "Granted I'm… I'm a mess in my own ways, and I raged at you today, not knowing the full extent of your circumstances… but for whatever it's worth, I was merely… well, upset over the whim of wishing I were the only one you were this intimate with, just as you are mine. I knew otherwise already, but…"

"In matters of sex, you should have been. But in matters of love, Azula… you are. You are," Sokka muttered, gritting his teeth and hugging her tightly now. "I'm sorry that… that it might be hard to believe. But truly…"

"I know, Sokka. I know," said Azula, dropping her forehead on his shoulder, her arms around his waist. "I mean… you should have been my one and only everything too, but…"

"But…?" said Sokka, frowning slightly and pulling away. "Uh… is there something you didn't tell me, too?"

"Well, nothing to that degree, I guess. It's probably hardly worth mentioning," said Azula, with a small smile. "Simply that… well, you weren't my first kiss. Indeed, it's probably not much, but since we're sharing all this now…"

"O-okay. Huh. I didn't know that, but… but it makes sense," said Sokka, swallowing hard. "I did think it was weird that the most beautiful woman in the world had never had anything with anyone before me…"

"No need to worry, the whole thing lasted a good ten seconds before I blew it," said Azula, smiling weakly. Sokka raised an eyebrow.

"How?" he asked. Azula sighed.

"Well, I… liked the guy, got Ty Lee's advice on how to get somewhere with him, I followed it and managed to get a kiss. But then I spooked him out by saying… saying we could be the strongest couple in the world and dominate the earth. He looked at me with utter cluelessness and snuck away before I could think about how to… oh, come on, it's not that funny!"

Sokka chuckled, his hand on his mouth as he hunched over, and Azula blushed as she smiled at him, shaking her head.

"Oh, heck, I didn't see that one coming," he said, still laughing. "But damn, how is it scary to be the strongest couple in the world with you, huh? That sounds like a blast!"

"Ah, well. Not everyone shares my ambitious interests," Azula said, dramatically. Sokka chuckled.

"Well, I do hope you don't want to dominate the earth that badly anymore," he said, with a smile. "Though then again, once you inherit the throne from your father you basically will…"

"Rest assured, I'm not as pleased by it as I was before. All your fault that I'm not, by the way," she said, shaking her head. "How you've corrupted me, snow savage…"

Sokka's smile softened as he looked at her, the same expression reflected on her face as she dropped on the bed. He followed, resting against his flexed forearm.

"I'm sorry, Sokka," she whispered, and he sighed and shook his head.

"Don't torture yourself over all this, Azula. You've done amazing things for me, taken risks and made sacrifices..."

"Just as you have for me," Azula said, caressing his face. "You're even willing to stay with me instead of being with your family once we finish our quest..."

"You make it sound like it's unthinkable that I'd want to do that," said Sokka, smiling kindly.

"After all this? Yes, I think it is pretty unthinkable that you'd choose to be with me like that," Azula said. Sokka dropped on the mattress fully, gazing at her sweetly.

"You clearly have no idea how easy it is to love you," he said, smiling. She snorted.

"Easy? Honestly?" she asked, disbelieving. Sokka leaned closer, kissing her brow.

"It was for me," he said. "Taking care of our relationship, now, that is pretty complicated. But loving you is no challenge. You're wonderful that way."

She sighed and shook her head before leaning closer, pressing against his body. Sokka breathed out slowly as she caressed his chest gently.

"You'll… you'll stay the night?" Azula whispered. Sokka glanced at her.

"If you want," he said. "To be honest, I thought you wouldn't want me to. We did go at it like rabaroos today, and with all this…"

"You thought I'd want you to go back home?" she said. He smiled a little.

"Do you?"

"Do I ever?" she said, surrounding his waist with an arm. Sokka kissed the top of her head. "You're right about the rabaroos, though. We need to learn self-control for good by now."

"Did you visit Mai and Ty Lee after all? The Captain said you hadn't come back here when he showed up at my place…"

"I did go see them, I stayed for dinner. You'll just come along next week," she said, smiling. "Was Rui Shi much trouble, though? You said he was elated over our spat…"

"That he was," said Sokka. "And yeah, he tried to be trouble. He said he'd stay late to make sure I wouldn't run to you in the middle of the night or so…."

"Is that so? Why, a job brilliantly done," Azula observed, with a smirk. Sokka smiled.

"I tricked him into thinking I was sulking in my room, asked Song to keep him distracted, then snuck out," he confessed.

"Oh, dear. Recklessness at its finest," said Azula, her head on his chest now. "We really should stop acting like sneaky teenagers one day. It's not befitting of us, you know…"

"Here I thought you enjoyed it," said Sokka, smiling. Azula sighed and grinned too.

"I'm afraid I do. That's the problem," she whispered, kissing his chest softly. "But then, you left Song with Rui Shi? Really?"

"I did. Not very nice of me to do, I guess, but…" said Sokka, Azula snorted.

"It's absolutely awful of you to do, in fact," she said. "Imagine what will happen if he discovers she was only a smokescreen enabling you to come see me…"

Sokka grimaced as Azula sighed dramatically and shook her head.

"All our hopes to get Rui Shi off our backs by setting them up together would go up in smoke…"

"Well, what was I supposed to do?" Sokka asked, looking at her hopelessly. Azula shrugged.

"Knocked him out with two punches? You seem to have grown proficient at that…" she said, jokingly. Sokka snorted. "Still, now we'll have to devise another wicked idea to make him relax and stop pestering us so much…"

"What a waste," said Sokka, sighing. "But maybe she managed to distract him properly, eh? You never know…"

"I guess you don't," said Azula, closing her eyes. Sokka smiled.

"It's time to sleep, huh?"

"We were too active today, as you just admitted yourself," said Azula, smiling. "And our stupid fights always leave me somewhat tired. So…"

Sokka smiled, pulling the covers of the bed so he could wrap them around Azula. The two of them stretched properly across the bed, still embracing one another.

"This is odd, really. Us sharing a bed while still wearing clothes," Azula said, caressing his forearm. Sokka chuckled.

"It's how we used to do it before, remember?" he said. "All those ages ago, when we were still resisting each other…"

"It wasn't that long ago, you know," said Azula, smirking. "Despite how comfortable you've grown with our current circumstances, we haven't been doing this for even half a year yet."

"Well, we will have been doing it for half a year eventually. Right?" he said, looking at her with raised eyebrows. Azula opened her eyes and smiled.

"I'd hope for more than that. No need to set the bar so low," she said, pushing herself up and pressing her lips to his.

He cupped her face, returning the kiss in the most heartfelt way he could muster. Azula's eyes fluttered closed again as she caressed his hand with hers, as her lips moved against his. She could feel his relief, sense his gratefulness… she could tell he felt a weight had been relieved from his shoulders after all he had shared with her tonight. His kiss was proof of it, and so was his gentle gaze once he pulled way to smile at her.

"I love you," he whispered. She smiled and pressed her forehead against his.

"And I you. So, sleep now. I'll wake you and toss you down into the tunnels by morning."

Sokka chuckled and nodded, closing his eyes and relaxing as she gazed at him. She felt tempted again to stay awake through the night, keeping an eye on him to make sure he wouldn't fade away if she let go of him for a brief moment. But tonight, she decided she wouldn't do that. She would trust him. She knew he had started on his road to forgiving himself for his past actions, a road he might be walking for the rest of his life. But for better or for worse, she found she had to walk the very same path with him. She as well needed to accept and endure the decisions she had made, to learn to live with them and to stop them from destroying her on the inside.

So she closed her eyes as well and slept, curled around him, legs entwined, fingers intertwined, much like they had on that first night they had shared in Ember Island. Much as they had when she had showed him her own demons. And much as it would be during every night they could spend in one another's embrace.

---

Sokka didn't expect Song to be awake by the time he returned home. She had gotten started with breakfast already, judging by the apron she was wearing when she came to the door. He smiled guiltily at her.

"Hey. I'm back," he said. After last night's recount of his story to Azula, it almost felt like it had been weeks since he'd last seen Song.

"I can see that," she said, smiling a little. "Is everything okay? Or…?"

"Surprisingly, yeah. She doesn't seem to think I'm that much of a lost case yet, apparently," said Sokka, biting his lip and grinning. "But how did things go for you? Did Rui Shi… did he figure it out?"

Song blushed involuntarily, swallowing hard at the mention of the Captain's name. She had guessed Sokka would ask about him, but regardless, she had hoped he might not do it…

"H-he didn't. For a moment I thought he had, but… no," she said, smiling. "The secret's safe."

"Well… that's good news," said Sokka, smiling too. "I do owe you something huge, though. I'll drag you out to the city and buy you anything you want later today…"

"You don't have to do that, Sokka," said Song. Sokka bit his lip.

"Well, I want to, and I can do it, so I will," he said. "But for now… I just really need to sleep more. If you don't mind…"

"Sure," said Song, nodding as Sokka climbed the stairs, patting her shoulder as he went.

Song sighed, her gaze on the staircase, her cheeks still burning as she remembered her foolishness last night. As she remembered how Rui Shi had unexpectedly returned her kisses, how he had asked her if it was alright to do so, how they had wound up sitting on the couch, their hands linked, his lips still pressing against hers, until he had heard cat-owls hooting and realized it was already quite late. He had bid her farewell with one last kiss, and she had been left blushing and giggling to herself all night, falling asleep with the goofiest smile on her face.

But after she heard Sokka's question, regarding whether Rui Shi had understood her original intent or not, she felt her enthusiasm growing fainter. He didn't know, but she had to tell him, didn't she? He deserved to understand what had happened last night. But if she told him, this strange and new relationship between them would die before it had even begun, wouldn't it…?

She sighed and figured she'd return to cooking to keep her depressing thoughts at bay, but Sokka's voice, coming from his room, stopped her before she could enter the kitchen.

"Uh, Song? What's with all this food in…? Eh, you know what? Never mind! I'm starving anyways…"

Song froze and glanced at Sokka's room, having forgotten all about his cold dinner. Yet despite her reservations, she found herself smiling as she remembered the previous night with less unease and more fondness. Even if Rui Shi might not forgive her for once if he knew the truth, what they had shared had been wonderful while it lasted…