Chapter 85: A single look

Self centred.

The words bounced around in his mind again and again without end, a self centred bastard to be exact but he ignored the vulgar insult against him. He would likely be subject to far worse in the past from those in Chaldea and he would probably be subject to far worse in the future. Yet it was not the insult that gave him pause, even if it had come rather suddenly from Byleth as well as the open emotion she had shown.

Rather, it was those words.

Self centred.

He wasn't sure how long he sat there, those two words drumming through his skull without end, the torrent of emotions that flowed with them were unending. Like a concoction of mingling elements that did not react to one another. His mind leapt from anger to dismay, then to confusion and to incredulity. Nothing about those words made an ounce of sense to him, not with what he had done and not with what he was.

Self centred?

…He had never had a single ounce of selfishness within his life, perhaps a single fleeting moment towards the end of the temple, yes, that single moment of his life where he had acted purely on his own thoughts, irrespective of everything else. He did that single act to ensure that Ritsuka would not return. That was the only action he could correspond to being selfish. Thus he debated within his mind what Byleth could have possibly meant by her words.

It was irrational, confusing, and unexpected. He could not articulate just how they made him feel because they were not grounded in anything he had expected. Perhaps that was why he felt a sudden rush of anger through him, though it was quickly dimmed as he recalled Byleth's position. She was mortal even with Sothis and the perspective of the Goddess was obviously limited given her current state of affairs.

Byleth could not comprehend the larger scale of everything, constrained as she was within her meagre frame of flesh and time. Being angered over the ignorance of a single human was beneath him, such things were expected. He knew of such limited viewpoints from Heroic Spirits, yet she had a greater excuse than them. They had the knowledge of all history at their fingertips whereas Byleth had been curbed with knowledge, she knew nothing of her own continent and Sothis knew even less.

Their irrational words and flawed points of view were simply attributed to their lack of understanding and context for the whole. Everything he had done, everything he worked towards, all of it had always been for the betterment of humanity. The race as a whole was better, what then did the individual matter in this grand picture? For what reason would he ever single out a single human when the whole were so much greater to his role?

This was his own fault, he fell into the same trap as last time, blundered into the same vice as he had done so once before. Bringing his hand up, he leaned forwards and rested his elbow on the table with a gentle thud, dropping his face into his waiting palm and exhaling from the back of his throat. Once again, he allowed himself to get dragged into expecting someone to understand his point of view and once again he was rewarded with ignorance and rejection.

Was there not some human proverb that repeating the same act over and over again whilst expecting a different result was insanity? Perhaps that was never more true than this moment, perhaps he had not realised it enough but he was truly insane for expecting anything different this time around. Once more, burdened by the fact that humanity could not clearly see the benefit of his presence.

He had not the energy within himself to be truly angry or disappointed, even in something such as this. Grim acceptance instead took centre stage within his mind. Goetia knew he should have prepared himself for this inevitable outcome but he had been naive, painfully so if he did not expect something like this to emerge. His methods and ideology had not changed, so why would he expect the result to have been any different when confronted on it.

Except this time, he had no one else who could understand him…

The union was gone, his mind was silent.

There were no calls for support from any corner of his mind and he could not find strength from their memories. Not with the actions of Sitri tainting his mind, for if they could voice their radical differences from him while free of the union, then who was to say that the others would similarly have expressed their support of him. How mistaken was he to assume that he would have ever received understanding. Why was he even seeking understanding from humans at this point in time?

They had just confounded him time after time with no end in sight.

This was nothing more than the latest iteration of it.

That was why he was certain that ache in his chest would vanish in due time, that nagging little sensation that filled him with sorrow. He was not one to entertain what if's, but if there had ever been a cause for it. Perhaps it wouldn't have been wrong to suggest that Byleth's acceptance of his point of view would have been refreshing. Yet that was not what occurred and he doubted there would ever have been a moment where it occurred.

He did not accept what if's.

He accepted cold facts.

There had never been a human who had not yet disappointed him and so what reason did he possibly have to believe that this time would have been any different. The influence of Sothis? Barely even a factor in Byleth's thought process, she was as fundamentally human now as she was before the Goddess ever awakened in her, at least in terms of her mental capacity. He would make no comments for her newfound physical prowess but that did not bear discussion.

And what did she mean to say when she brought up Lysithea's illness, for that matter, how was she to know about it? He had told no one and he was not aware that Lysithea had made it public knowledge, or she had never seen fit to inform him that she was dying and no one else ever commented upon it. How would she be able to…

…Ah.

Sitri alluded to it and Byleth wasn't so ignorant as to avoid putting the pieces of the puzzle together. He would be impressed to her observational skills and information gathering if it wasn't for the fact it was being used to form such foolish notions. His hand fell onto the table, drumming his fingers upon the surface again and again as his mind cycled through thoughts.

Lysithea was…

He wasn't allowing Lysithea to remain ill because he cared nothing for her, it was because she would die irrespective of whether he aided her or not. All he would be doing would be to extend the suffering she would feel upon the world, she would become more enamoured with life and would feel greater loss upon death. To save her life was to lay the foundations to what would become a mountain of pain right at the end.

…He was not prepared to do that to her.

Even if there was fear at the end - especially if there was fear and loss and dread right at the very end - it was better that she have less to regret and lament from her short life. That did not lessen the weight upon his own mind any try amount, but it was a thin silver lining. He could predict what she would feel but he could no longer experience it first hand, a grim mercy from his new condition.

Byleth couldn't understand that because she was human, she had accepted her status in the world and had likely made peace with the idea of death. Or maybe she believed she had, but he knew those sorts. Time and time again he had seen them with his own eyes, those who claimed they did not fear death or that they were content with their lives. At the very end, each and every single one of them always had that flicker of doubt in the back of their mind as they sensed the darkness creeping in.

That small but desperate part of their mind which pleaded to the world to let them claw out one more day of life.

But it was all for nought. Even if they persisted one more day, they would demand the same the next day and the next and the next.

A flicker of movement caught the corner of his eye, for a moment he assumed that the blonde girl had returned with the tea. Though that thought died in it's infancy as he beheld Sothis still floating near his table with an expression devoid of emotion as she regarded him. Goetia looked back at her for a few seconds in silence before he drew his lips into a thin line and straightened himself up in his seat.

"...You've extended the range, I see." He was sure Byleth would be quite a distance from them by now, clearly Sothis had been putting in some effort to increase the distance she could travel from her container. Though he was sure that it wouldn't be a length she could maintain for any extended period of time. He could search out Byleth's location with a mere thought but he didn't feel the need to.

…And he would likely become irritated if he saw her again, even if he couldn't blame her for her ignorance, that did not make it any less vexing to stare at. Perhaps more so because of his high expectations for her, but at the end of the day she was still human. It was his own fault for expecting anything to come of his involvement with them once again.

Sothis did not answer his question, instead she floated around and slowly lowered herself into the chair opposite him. Though it was more a case of forming her own little throne beneath her and sitting upon it. The shape of the stone seating hardened over the wooden chair, to any who could perceive Sothis, they would have noted that the decor was rather out of the ordinary. Though it was a moot point on account of her altered perception.

She remained there, sitting upon the throne in silence as she stared at him, eventually drawing her lips into a thin line before closing her eyes and lowering her head. "I have no doubt that you're curious as to why I asked those questions, considering I knew the answers before they were even spoken aloud."

"Did you know the answers?" Goetia mused to himself, finding himself mildly placated by the twitch of annoyance that crossed the features of the Goddess at his obvious doubt, though it did not last as long as he wished it would. Then came the shame that this was how he was finding the worth of his days. "...The thought barely even occurred to me. It was your own method of educating Byleth, or cementing the differences between us in such a manner that she could easily understand."

The Goddess hummed "...She still viewed you as human. Even now, she believed that you would speak as a human, long after I told her how I perceived the world in her body and how I suspect you similarly perceive the world." she turned her head, eyes glancing around the room. "It was for a brief moment and my mind lingered on other things, but I could see the world in its entirety. I was not aware of it - am not aware of it - as I am trapped like this…" she gestured to herself up and down with a frown. "But once I became physical, once my body was rooted in the tangible sense of the world…I was surprised at the way my eyes were opened."

Goetia blinked once "Is there a point to this, or did you come to flaunt your newfound sight to one who has been capable of seeing for aeons longer than you've been awake."

"I'll ignore that tone of yours and offer a simple apology…" Sothis trailed off for a moment, then thinned her lips. Leaning forwards "Before that, however, I shall ask you a simple question. Another to which I already know the answer but I am curious as to whether you are aware of it…why do you suppose she was angered by your responses?"

"She is human." He replied without even giving the words time to fester in the air. "She has always been human. Your presence in her mind does not change that, nor does the inhuman blood coursing through her body alter that fact. She perceives the world as a human would do so and that comes with the flawed vision of one so limited. I will not blame her for being unable to understand my words."

"Why do you think she was specifically angered?" Sothis repeated again, punctuating the word and squinting at him. Goetia frowned at the Goddess, why did he think she was specifically angered by his response? There were many factors that he could consider but they all returned to the same point. Byleth's view of the world was infinitely smaller than his own. She could not grasp the nature of his words.

He let out a single short breath. "She was angered by my words because she holds the same expectations for me that she does for herself. A human belief that one endowed with great power should use their abilities." he gestured to Sothis. "She holds your authority and would wield it without hesitation for those she has a vested interest in. It was what drove you into convincing me to spare those during the rite of rebirth. I had the ability to prove their innocence, so I should have done so-"

"That was not why I demanded your aid on the subject." Sothis cut him off, Goetia blinked at her and then furrowed his brows ever so slightly. "I did so because it was the right thing to do. They would have died without your intervention, you would have let them die and continued on as if nothing happened. Inaction in the face of travesty after you so loudly proclaimed your dislike of Solomon for the same thing…it would have made you an inveterate hypocrite."

He initially ignored her words, yet those final two brought a silence about him. His eyes narrowed at the Goddess, though she showed no indication of even being bothered by the aggression in his eyes, they lingered upon her for a few moments before. He released a huff as he shook his head from side to side. "There is no right or wrong. There is only life and death, I did indeed stop them from dying but what purpose does that serve?" scoffing, he waved his hand dismissively. "They could easily be dead by now in some freak accident, or perhaps they could die next week…even if they live years, they still die in the end. So…no, I didn't save them either. I extended their short lifespan by a few years. In the grand scheme of things, I have accomplished nothing of worth."

Sothis leaned to the side, propping her elbow on the arm of the chair and rubbing her fingers together, she released a short breath before she closed her eyes. "You are no fool, Goetia. Yet you are demanding all the same…true, Byleth cannot perceive the way in which you see things but does that not similarly extend to you?" she opened her eyes once more. "She is a mercenary, or was at least. My limited time has told me the value she places on trust."

Goetia remained silent as the Goddess spoke, silently granting her permission to continue speaking.

"For someone such as her, in a lifestyle that she lived in, I do not believe I can fully emphasise the value that trust has." She exhaled "Where you could just as easily die any other day, wake up one morning and find yourself with a sword in your gut by the end, your survival depends upon trust. Both in oneself and in one's allies. Trust that they will keep you alive for the next day because these mortals tend to value being able to see one more day, as you so creatively put."

Goetia resisted the urge to roll his eyes at the Goddess. "I am aware of what her profession was and currently is. You are describing that which I am already aware of."

"And yet you spat in it's face all the same." His features flattened at the blunt declaration from the Goddess. "She has forged similar bonds of trust with the students under her care, she might not understand it just yet, but I can feel the care she holds for each and every one of them. She would place her trust in them to keep her alive just as they would place their trust in her…" her lip twitched upwards. "I have seen such displays already, from the young prince who did not even hesitate to throw a spear at a Demon in order to save his teacher."

"...Is there a point to this?"

Sothis nodded her head up and down. "These bonds are how Byleth perceives the world. I can only stomach blindness for as long as this before I have to speak up." straightening herself out, she looked Goetia dead in the eye. "Your admission that you would allow Lysithea to perish from something you could prevent flew in the face of this. Whether you realise it or not. She doesn't trust you to have her best interests at heart…because you cannot be trusted to even save those who extend the same courtesy to you."

The Goddess frowned openly at him. "That young girl, Lysithea, she holds no allegiance to you, no real loyalty or debts. Yet when you vanished to her room in the dead of night to seek her aid, she followed you down." she pointed out "Aiding you to the best of her abilities when we were all searching for the Chalice of beginnings, when the Claude boy sent you into a rage, that young girl was the one of the first to leap to your defence, to defend you from any further attempts to gather your secrets."

He rolled his jaw "...I never asked her to do that-"

"You did not need to." She silenced him with a shake of the head "Because she made the choice. She places her trust in you. Without knowing anything of your past, without caring to ask anything of your past and without making demands of your abilities, she placed her trust in you."

"...One of our first meetings was her demanding to be taught magecraft." He replied with a dull tone of voice. "That was a demand she made of me, believing I was thinking lowly of her because of her young age."

Sothis hummed "And yet you taught her all the same. You do not strike me as one who caves into requests unless you see value in them as well." she gestured to him. "You had no obligation to save the lives of those at the Rite of Rebirth and yet you did so anyway…for what reason did you save them? For what reason have you acted to save the lives of those in the past? When you appeared to prevent the deaths of those during the rebellion of Lonato?"

He was silent.

"Byleth watched you do all of this…it is no surprise she came to the conclusion that you valued their lives. Not just her own, but the students as well. The students you went out of your way to teach when the moment fancied you…" She leaned forwards. "I am unsure if you can comprehend it, but imagine seeing someone save these lives time and time again, act for the betterment of people…only to turn around and say that when it truly matters, he will turn a blind eye because it was for a mere whim that he acted in the past and it was aid he could rescind at any time."

She leaned backwards "...You would never place your trust in someone so frivolous, would you?"

Letting out an irritated breath, Goetia regarded her with a flat look. "Why go through the effort of telling me such things in the first place?" it made precious little sense to him why Sothis would go through such effort, in the first place it made very little sense to him why he would be asked to even sympathise with the perspective of someone factually beneath him. There was no true disrespect to Byleth but she wasn't him and he wasn't her. "It was your questioning which brought about this eventuality-"

"Implying you would have been content to sit back and do nothing." Sothis cut him off with a shake of her head. "Even now, you persist with this attempt to follow a lifestyle you despise and I cannot understand why you would force yourself to experience something such as that?" she drummed her fingers on the arm of her throne. "Within every breath the name of Solomon is mentioned, it is accompanied by a curse of his idle nature, a man who observed all the world and yet…you are not Solomon. You have made it clear you despise being so much as related to the man in any way but you cling to this way of life he granted you."

There was another silence before she spoke once more. "When you look at humans, what is it that you see? An individual or an empty grave?"

"That is the nature of humanity." Goetia growled at her, dragging his fingers across the table and drawing them into a fist. His attempts to keep his voice measured were pointless, yet he had enough sense to put up a bounded field to distract others from looking at them. "That is the nature of the world. You can have this naive point of view because you have no sense of their lifespan. You were granted a mere inkling of what it means to be placed above them…but you lack the complete conversion because you still try and pretend as though they are not less than you are."

He pointed squarely towards her "You delude yourself with this act. With your lifespan, even when Byleth perishes you will persist, you will sit by and remain as the generations pass you by, watching as each and every single one of them dies, in a span of time that will be tantamount to a second you will witness millions born and die…but you…" he trailed off, thinning his lips. "...Do not act as if you will ever understand how I see humanity. You, with barely several months worth of interaction with them, do you have any concept as to the length of time I spent watching them?"

"Then tell me." Sothis leaned forwards, expression changing. "Help me to understand, this is not a personality that will emerge overnight, Goetia. What manner of life do you lead that brings about this…this…inability to look at humans and see anything more than a death waiting to happen?" she gestured around herself "Gazing at each face and thinking to yourself 'He will die.' as though that is the only fact that matters. Even those you might care about, that thought seems to be first and foremost in your mind and I…" she trailed off, closing her eyes. "...How do you end up looking at humanity and seeing that?"

It took him a moment to comprehend the question and another moment after that to understand what she was truly asking him. She cared little for the 'how' in his perception of humanity. No, it was written across her face and woven into her fearful voice. She might as well have dropped all pretence and outright begged him for an answer if this was how she was going to hide the question.

Goetia stared at her in silence. "...You will never become me. Even you, Sothis, are bound for destruction. Your current form proves this." he gestured to her. "You will forever see humans as lesser than you are…but you will never understand my point of view. You will never empathise with my point of view. Nor will you ever understand my perspective. Concern yourself not with whether or not you might have enough sense to realise this…partings are a tale of misery and pain." he looked away from her. "...The longer you spend trying to maintain a humanity that does not exist, the more you shall wound yourself in the future. There is no greater danger than a wounded God."

Sothis stared in silence, then she scowled openly at him in irritation. "That isn't an answer to my question. That is you…" she clenched her jaw "Time and again you will draw it back to a comparison with the two of us without answering what I ask." pointing to herself, she almost snarled though kept her voice moderately restrained. "With barely a glimmer of my power while in the body of Byleth, I perceived the world around me - and all the humans - as little more than bugs. Do you understand that? It took true effort for me to discern the differences between those I have spent months watching and studying and a fly in the corner of the room."

Waving her hand in a sweeping motion, she let out a breath. "So I will ask you now…how did you end up seeing humanity like that? Is it what I would have seen them as if I was as powerful…is that the world I would have seen had Rhea been successful and brought me to existence in the body of a previous host…" she slowly pointed to herself. "Do you want me to beg you? Because if that is what it takes to get an answer from you…I will."

He watched her lean forwards, pleading in her eyes and her lips parted as she spoke. "I want to know if this point of view is unique to you or…or if it is one I shall possess as well. I care not for some pointless argument about whether or not I am you or you are me just…you are a God or you were a God or close enough to one." she exhaled "...Is this how Gods see the world? Is this how I would see everything? Would those I spoke with - enjoyed the company of - become little more than mere insects to me within the blink of an eye? Would I look at them and see only lesser beings bound for the grave?"

A snort rippled from the back of his throat and out of his nose, breath left him as a huff and gradually rose in intensity until he was unleashing a true laughter. Closing his eyes, he was spared the sight of Sothis but he could feel her fury being aimed at him. Not that it mattered in this one moment, as all he could think of was the Goddess and her truly pathetic questions, a revelation of her method of thinking he had not considered. There was never cause to be worried about her at all. Yet at the same time, there was something else deep within that he buried.

Her concerns and the way she had phrased them were positively human.

"This is not a game to me, Goetia!" Sothis yelled at him, her voice and her anger resonated around the pair of them like drum beats. Perhaps it would have cowed a lesser being but all he could do was witness the equivalent of a child throwing a tantrum as they realised they would have to grow into an adult. Was she truly so fearful of her ascension into the thought process of a proper divinity? "This is…I do not want to be something that looks at everyone that way! I do not wish to become you!"

That cut the laughter from him.

She came right out and said it.

The mirth died on the tip of his tongue, lowering his head and looking at her, breathing in and out as she did so. Clearly she had more to say but she glanced to the side, drawing her arms close and holding herself.

"I look at you, even weakened as you claim to be, and I see…I see what I might become." She confessed, clenching her eyes shut. "I will forgo my pride and admit this to you…what you are and how you think, how you perceive the world, it terrifies me…I know that I am greater than Byleth - greater than humans - but I still look at them and I see…I see intelligent beings." Sothis lip twitched upwards as she looked him in the eyes. "I see them as a parent might see a child. Strange as it might be to draw that comparison, yes they are still lesser than me but I can…I can look at them and still see them for who they are. I can see all of these individual humans and appreciate their unique traits."

Her hands drew into fists. "I can look to Byleth and I see her as someone that…I have grown fond of. I enjoy our conversations, the words we trade give meaning to my day and I can look forward to the next time we speak and the world as we experience it together…" She thinned her lips. "But in that one moment where I was in her mind, in those days where I walked the world alive again…I saw no humans. I saw no children. I saw…things that moved and spoke but did not sound even remotely like myself. They were just…less."

She let out a shuddering breath "I know not how you see the world, perhaps it is different to me or perhaps it is greater. Your own words imply that even at my full power you would have looked down upon me yet…" she stared at him. "Yet you claim to value humanity but I must wonder if that is because you can no longer appreciate individuals that you must examine the whole."

A shrug "Perhaps I might be mistaken but if there is a chance I am wrong…I wish to know, Goetia." shuffling in her chair, she brought herself forwards. "...Am…am I doomed to look at humans in the future and just see the race and not the people?"

Silence fell between them.

He looked her dead in the eyes, then slowly lowered his vision to the table and examined the wood.

"...If there was ever a moment I could not perceive the individual, perhaps I could have tolerated humanity." He wasn't sure why he said this but he could tell he had her attention. Feel the burning stare aimed at him as he dragged his fingers back and forth along the wooden table. "You will not be me because you were afforded the luxury of ignorance. You - in your greatness - were unable to perceive the individual while being aware of your power. No. Your point of view will not be identical to mine."

"...That is a grim answer."

"You are a Goddess, Sothis." He exhaled, closing his eyes and shaking his head from side to side, turning it away from her and towards the room as a whole. Opening his eyes and examining the interior. "These concerns of yours, these fears, they are a result of your bond with Byleth. It is…just as you have influenced your host in a physical way, so too as she influenced you…with her point of view."

Sothis remained silent.

"You are constrained in her body, weakened and bound. Your sense of being is limited and with that comes the sense of power." Gesturing to her, he continued on with an empty tone of voice. "You have been afforded the unique position of understanding humanity while being greater than them. Fear of the unknown drives you, fear of loss and fear of change."

He paused for a moment, glancing at her out of the corner of his eye and pulling his lips down into a disgusted frown. An expression that she clearly picked up on if her irritation was any indication and yet she did not comment upon it. Curious, there was a time where the fear on the face of a God would have done nothing, he would have felt nothing as he witnessed their terror and merely waved his hand. Now though, he looked at Sothis and felt the same stab of discomfort in his gut that he would feel every time he saw it in a human.

Rolling his jaw from side to side, he continued onwards. "You're thinking as a human when you are not human. Perhaps your life will perish with Byleth and you will return to the same unthinking ether you came from." he shrugged his shoulders. "Perhaps your conscience will be elevated to a plane of existence above this one and your time will be stored away as memories…"

Another faint chuckle came from the back of his throat, though this one held no mirth in it. "You are a Goddess who thinks as a human does and holds their fears. A product of your amnesia to be sure combined with the influence of your host." flattening his features, he levelled her with narrowed eyes. "Dissuade yourself of these notions now before you cause more harm to your mental state. You will never view humanity as I do, but you will inevitably see them as lesser than you are. Their every action will seem foolish because you know better, their short lives will blink past you before they even have a chance to matter and by the end, you will be the only one to remain. The single witness left to speak of their lives and then the next generation will follow and the process will repeat."

It was the same again and again and again.

"You do not need the gift of clairvoyance to determine the foolishness of mankind." Pointing squarely at her, he clicked his tongue. "Enough time will force you to accept reason. Looking at humans and seeing them as your equal was folly birthed in ignorance. They are not your equal and you should not delude yourself into thinking they are. You will see the same mistakes repeated again and again and again and again and again…"

The Goddess offered no words, she merely stared at him in silence before she slowly leaned back into her throne, looking almost dead in the eyes. When she did speak, it was slow and methodical. "Is that to be might fate if I gain greater power? I shall become…" she released an ugly snort. "I shall become a pessimist who can see only the worst of all mankind and view them as…as mere things that I know myself to be greater than at every single moment of my life. Forever living in disappointment that they are not as great as I?"

Her nails scraped loudly as she drew them across the arms of her throne and clenched them into fists. "Is that…is that what I will become? Locked into an existence where I pity humans for never being as great as I?" her eyes locked onto his own and narrowed for a moment before they slowly softened. He froze at the expression on her face.

Sothis gradually unclenched her fists and turned her features into a sombre look aimed solely at him. "...Is that truly how you see the world? An existence without equal?"

"...You may save your pity." He sneered at her before huffing and looking away. "It is revolting to look upon. I am a product of my design. I was not intended to be regarded as an equal to any because the man I was created by was an equal to no one…he merely lacked the freedom to lament his situation."

"...But you were not."

"...No. I wasn't." His eyes moved past her, dropping the bounded field and bringing himself back into correlation with the regular world. Gerda jolted ever so slightly at her eyes fell upon him, a brief look of confusion crossed her features before she shook her head and advanced towards him with a wooden tray in her hands, looking first towards him and then towards the spot where Byleth had been sitting, looking straight through Sothis as she did so. He could tell the question that was plaguing her mind. "She was called away on urgent business. You may leave her tea here."

The blonde hesitated for only a moment, then nodded her head once and slowly lowered the tray to the table. The polite smile returned to her expression as she moved the mugs from the tray and in front of him. Pausing briefly with the second - the mint - but complying with the order regardless and placing it down gently. Leaning back, she tucked the tray under her arm and bowed her head. "Please enjoy and do not hesitate to call if you need anything else."

She turned from him, moving back the way she had come. He waited barely a second before he renewed the bounded field and returned his attention to Sothis, pulling the tea towards himself with his hand and taking a quick sip of it.

…It didn't taste as good as he recalled.

Maybe they had done something differently this time around, his last instance with Dorothea was something he noted as having the tea taste more pleasant to him. Yet now it was just…different. Not a manner he could describe beyond merely being less appealing to him. It would seem today was just a theme of slipping standards.

"I would regard you as fortunate but that would be a lie. The path ahead of you is fraught with disappointment." It was simpler for all that Sothis understood here and now that she was bound for being let down by humanity time and time again. That optimism of hers that she could still maintain some link with them would end in tragedy. She would be driven insane with the realisation that humanity would never change and that for all her power, they would still blink past her. "The sooner you come to terms with this…the less damage you will inflict."

Sothis scoffed loudly and dismissively, as he expected her to. "That is a poor comfort."

"It is not meant to be a comfort. There is no comfort in this existence, remaining alone while those beneath you - those you value - forever remain beyond their potential." Taking another sip of his tea, he confirmed that the first taste had not been happenstance. "I am telling you this so that you accept it. If I could not change them with all the power I held at my fingertips at my height - power you could not even begin to comprehend - then there is nothing that you can do about it either. The longer you fight the reality of your nature, the longer you struggle against the objective truth of existence…the greater the pain in the end."

"...Experience has inflicted this lesson upon you, has it not?"

"Failure is considered one of the great teachers." He felt his lip curl upwards into an empty smirk. "Though I considered myself far and above such simple things as failure. You might decry is as arrogance but there was a time…there was a time where I was right. The laws of the planet bent to my will. Time itself was nothing more than a tool for me to wield as I saw fit and through this power I would overcome the single greatest obstacle in existence…"

His shoulders slumped. "...In the end I failed. I could not ignore it, there was never a chance of ignoring it but in the moment I attempted to change it, in the very instance in which I sought to overturn the world and make things right…my efforts were rebuffed. Violently rebuffed and now I am all that remains of us…the Demon Gods are all but dead and I am all that remains." placing the mug down, he waved a hand at himself. "Through my own efforts as well."

Sothis drummed her fingers on the arms of her chair before she closed her eyes. "I reject this conclusion."

"I knew you would say that. You think like a human and therefore reject the obvious that stands before you." Goetia tilted his head, looking her up and down before he felt his lips pull themselves into a small smile. Perhaps this was what humans would call nostalgia but he could not help but draw slim comparisons. "I inform you that you are doomed to remain separate from the very creatures you claim to love and your response is merely to tell me no. I speak with three thousand years of experience, Sothis…you have but a few months of memories. Who are you to reject my statements?"

"...I'm Sothis. The progenitor Goddess of Fodlan but first and foremost…" A smile came upon her features. "I am the ghost who resides in the mind of Byleth Eisner and have sworn my power to her. For that reason…I shall vow to never lose sight of this perspective. If it truly is the fate of those with great power to lose this feeling, this point of view that one gains in the body of a mortal…" lowering her head, she stared at her hands and slowly clenched them into fists. "Then I shall cling to this lower status with all my might. I…shall not lose sight of those I have sworn to protect. I…reject your claims of the inevitable."

"You'll fail."

"I'll still try."

"...Of course you will."

He would never admit it to her face, but she truly understood the thought process of a human better than himself. That she could look him in the eye and make such outrageous claims with the full knowledge of what she claimed was impossible. It was beyond incomprehensible, she was truly a fool. A useless Goddess through and through and yet…and yet…

His eyes moved towards the mint tea Byleth had ordered, curiosity took hold and he extended a hand towards it. Sothis paused and watched him, keeping her eyes on his face as he took a long sip of the tea, then slowly lowered it down to the table once more.

There was a moment of silence. Then his features collapsed inwards and he glared down at the poison. "For what reason would anyone drink such a foul concoction?"

Sothis snorted loudly, bringing her hands to cover her face before she glanced down to them, releasing a sigh. "It seems as though she has passed beyond my limit." she glanced up at him. "...You might find it disturbing to hear this, but I pity you, Goetia. That you care so much for humanity but do not seem to understand them and they do not seem to understand you."

"...Your pity is wasted. Save it for those who truly deserve it."

"If it is reserved for those who deserve it, then it is not wasted." Sothis shook her head from side to side before she offered him a faint smile. "I shall speak with Byleth-"

"I will not lower myself to ask that of you." He rolled his eyes at her attempt to placate him, besides it was hardly as though he truly needed the affection of By-

…

…His mind refused to complete the thought.

His lips flattened. "Do what you will, but she cannot understand the differences between us."

"No…but it is hardly as though you made an effort to truly vocalise them." Sothis countered with a shrug of the shoulders. "At the end of the day, neither one of you is very good at showing your true feelings. Quite frankly, I consider it amazing that you have not encountered a disastrous moment such as this before today…though the fact remains that cannot claim to care for those beneath you while leaving them to their fates. You might see it as suffering but remember…those humans you watched demanded just one more day of life…do you believe Lysithea is any different?"

Clenching his jaw, Goetia closed his eyes as the conversation was pulled to Lysithea once more. It had been some time since he even so much as looked at her, let alone spoke with her. Days had passed but his comprehension of time was dramatically different to a regular human, the speed of his thoughts far outpaced even the most talented of magi.

Red eyes opened once more and drifted to Sothis. "...And at the end of her years she would likely demand more life…something I cannot give her and give to no one else."

"You do not need to…death comes for us all in the end. Even me, it seems."

"It shouldn't." He growled under his breath before he brought his emotions to heel, taking in a deep breath and then exhaling through his nose. "...Grant Lysithea more life just to watch her fade away as she is old and sickly? I…I will not torture myself with sights such as those ever again."

"...I shall say nothing this time, for I suspect there is little to be said that you would hear and I shall refrain from forcing you into a decision you might well come to regret." Sothis allowed with a shake of her head, flattening her features. "It is an odd thing to bare witness to your true thoughts, a testament to my lingering mentality that I can understand - at least in part - how you perceive the world."

Shaking his head from side to side, he scoffed. "Not quite yet…"

"And I hope it remains that way, truly I do." Sothis did not even hesitate with the reply, the Goddess started to fade away as the link with Byleth drew her away. Then he watched a twinkle of amusement flash through the eyes of the green haired deity before she spoke with an almost teasing lit in her voice. "Three thousand years, you say? In that case, I would advise you to take it easy from now on. We would not wish for you to throw you back out, gramps."

Goetia exhaled, of course she would refuse to part without some childish remark. All too human of her. Still, he would not be undercut by some foolish Goddess. Bringing his tea to his lips, he looked her dead in the eye and spoke clearly and curtly. "At least I remember those three thousand years, oaf."

Sothis eyes bulged as she opened her mouth, no doubt to curse him, yet the link drew her away. The Goddess and the stone throne vanished into the air as though they had never been there before.

Goetia brought the tea away from his lips and back to the table.

…How was it that everything was able to comprehend humanity but him?

Even a weakened Goddess with not even a years worth of memories was able to understand the thought process of a human better than he was capable of doing. It wasn't even as though she had the same experience as he did, in all those three thousand years he had seen nothing but foolishness and insanity, he experienced nothing but those things and yet somehow this Goddess had mimicked the mentality of a human almost perfectly?

…How?

How were these…how were they able to do it?

She had experienced her place in the world and then sought to reject it because it frightened her? Because she would lose her current world view? Was she so desperate to remain lesser that she would abandon the notion of claiming a body?

Absurd…

Truly and utterly absurd and so very human of her to retain that link.

…How did they do this?

He just…he needed an answer from someone or an answer that he could at least apply to himself in some capacity.

He knew the thought process, he had experienced the emotions of billions stretched across all of human history from birth to death, each and every single one of them.

Yet…the answer eluded him.

Goetia clenched his jaw.

…It would seem he was due another visit to Flayn, she had said she was available if he had further questions and…and he just needed them answered.

AN: Sothis in here with the "I don't want to be God! I want to enjoy pizza fridays!"

And Goetia just admits how he sees the world.

Next Chapter will include Flayn and - surprise, surprise - Rhea!

Yep, Rhea will make her dramatic return.

Then we'll probably head back into Milklan territory.

Omake: Staff Chat: III - The Return

Goetia is online.

Goetia: What is the official stance on pornography in the library?

Seteth: For Goodness sake. Why would you begin a conversation like this immediately? It is the early hours of the morning.

Goetia: That is precisely why I was asking.

Catherine: TMI.

Goetia: Curb your delusions, zealot. I am not some hormonal adolescent. This is on behalf of the students as I have noticed a number of books within the library which have graphic sexual imagery bordering on mere smut. Does the church have an official stance on this literature?

Seteth: In the interest of my own mental health, I will inform you that; No. It is not allowed in the library and please confiscate any books you might discover. Thank you.

Shamir: That will just encourage them not to get caught.

Goetia: You mean to imply they could evade me?

Shamir: They could probably get there eventually.

Goetia: Impossible.

Catherine: Look who's confident over here.

Goetia: It is a statement of fact, not confidence. I will not be drawn into another argument because you lack the ability to comprehend the sheer depth of my powers.

Shamir: The power of finding smut, it seems.

Flayn is online.

Flayn: Is it possible to learn this power?

Goetia: Not from a staff member.

Seteth: Why is this a power you want to learn!?

Catherine: Lamo.

Catherine: *Lmao. Fuck.

Flayn: I was doing a meme, I swear! I'm not looking for smut books! I promise!

Seteth: X.

Catherine: Oh snap!

Goetia: What is the significance of X?

Seteth: Some manner of picture designed to elicit amusement. Some of them are quite humorous. In this case it is 'Press X to doubt'.

Goetia: Ah, I see.

Rhea is online.

Rhea: Good morning everyone.

Goetia: X.

Rhea: Excuse me?

Shamir: Zero hesitation.

Catherine: You heathen F***!

Seteth: Glad to see the censoring feature works well enough. On another note, Catherine, please do not flood the chat with curse words. There are others present of a younger sort.

Flayn: Goetia, I do not believe that is how you use them.

Goetia: I am certain I did. I doubt everything that comes from Rhea's mouth.

Rhea: Goetia is an extremely talented and wonderful individual.

Seteth: Please do not start.

Goetia: Even a broken clock documents the correct passage of time twice a day.

Seteth: Or you can just ignore me. Because when has my opinion ever held weight before?

Rhea: Goetia started it.

Goetia: It is impossible not to mention it.

Flayn: I know this phenomenon! It's called being Tsundere!

Goetia: I don't like Rhea.

Rhea: I cannot stand Goetia.

Goetia: Idiot.

Rhea: Fool.

Shamir: Another productive staff meeting. Same time tomorrow?

Goetia: Naturally.

Rhea: Of course.

Catherine: Sounds good.

Flayn: Without a doubt.

Seteth: I would say I give up, but I gave up long ago.