Authors notes:

This story takes place in the 2003 Teen Titans continuity. Whereabouts in the continuity I'm not certain yet. But I'm writing it as if it is post season 03. Maybe between seasons 03 and 04 to make sense of a continuity error that happens in season 04 that this story might be able to address. But we'll see how it goes.

I've refined my writing style since my last story, so I hope this flows a lot better than my previous stories. I'm trying to use symbolism a lot more and do more showing and a lot less telling.

Let me know how it goes.

-TimeLordParadox

Teen Titans & The Mask

In

The Mask I wear.

By TimeLordParadox

A.K.A. Ross Pickering

Chapter one.

Masking

The world was calm. The world was peaceful. Yet, the world was very noisy. Even in meditation, in her own little world small noises broke through. The hiss of water through pipes. The din of the air-conditioning. Even the blood rushing through her ears. She could hear all of it and her attempts to drown it out were met with limited success.

Raven's face sat impassive, calm and at peace. Her arms were up and her mouth was chanting three words over and over. "Azarath Metrion Zinthos."

She was a young girl in her late teens. Her skin was as grey as a corpse and straight, greasy hair. She floated in mid air in the lotus position with her blue cloak trailing down to the floor. She fought the instinct to scratch herself, shift her leg or rub her looped fingers and thumbs together just to give her subconscious something to do. Holding herself up in the air was not entertaining enough to her inner mind and it begged her to do something. Raven ignored it. Her inner mind was like an errant, undisciplined child always wanting entertainment.

It was like having her own Beast Boy in her head.

Meditation helped to chain this child up in case it affected her mood and her concentration, or got hold of the levers to her demonic powers.

Raven opened her eyes a crack and looked out through the massive windows at the city she'd sworn to protect from evil. Jump City. A noisy place full of irritating people whom, if they knew what Raven was would want her locked up in an instant believing her a danger; and she was. Despite that judgment she risked her life nearly every-other day to keep them safe. Her inner self told her she was nuts for helping people who'd hate her. But frankly, Raven had misjudged people that she had thought would've been better to burn at the stake. She had been on both sides of a hate mob. Which was why she refused to take sides. If someone was hanging from the edge of a building she didn't care if you were rich, poor, black, white, male, female, multi-sex, undecided or robot. She didn't even care if you believed she should be locked up for being half demon. She would save you and move on to the next person in trouble. It was a soppy philosophy you wouldn't expect the daughter of a destroyer to inhabit. Acts of kindness were easy to do as long as she could go home and shut the world out at the end of the day.

Her peeking eyes rolled down to the long drop out of Titans Tower. There was a pool that sat not very far away. No one was there. Not yet anyway. Her friends were planning to go swimming today. Raven would join them later.

She closed her eyes and vanished back into peace.

A crunching noise caught her attention and her brow furrowed. It was the sound of someone trying to sneak by her to the kitchen area. The small aura suggested it was Beast Boy. She wished he'd just walk normally. His attempts to be stealthy were distracting. He could at least turn himself into a small animal and scurry across. But no, he had to be cartoonishly irritating.

The fridge door opened. Then it closed. A bang of cupboards, then a loud rustling, followed by tearing. Then crunching as Beast Boy ate a potato chip.

Her blood pressure rose, but she must be calm. It was a storm, but it will pass.

"Azarath Metrion Zinthos. Azarath Metrion Zinthos." She chanted.

"Hey, Raven!" He called to her, she ignored him. "Hey, Raven!" She scrunched her eyes shut. "You doing anything?"

"I'm sitting here chanting. Does it look like I'm doing nothing?" Raven asked in her croaky voice.

"Umm... yeah." The short boy shrugged.

Raven sighed. She needed a sign around her neck which said 'I am not free. I am meditating. This does not mean I am not busy and DOES NOT MEAN you can interrupt. Now piss off! "Well, I am busy."

"Oh." He turned to leave, thank God. But he turned around and came back. "Why do you do that? I mean, I know it's to keep control of your powers, sure, that I get. But you do it at random times. Why not do it in the morning and get it over with and come have fun?"

Raven dug her nails into her thumb pads. She shook her head. "It's because I am tired, and my... 'battery' is low."

"Uh-huh, so why not go take a nap?"

"Because this works better." Raven said in a tone which suggested she wanted to be left alone. Unfortunately, Beast Boy seemed oblivious to these social cues. "And the thing that drains me is what you are doing right now. Please, leave me. I will play with you later."

Beast Boy blinked like he didn't understand. Raven could almost hear the echoes in his mind. The thoughts of, 'She's just making excuses.' Raven took another deep breath and sighed again. She didn't know if Beast Boy was thinking that. It was just that it's what people used to say about her when she wanted to be left alone to gather energy and re-charge her 'battery.'

Beast Boy shrugged, ate another chip and moved towards the door.

Raven's right eye opened and it rolled in his direction. "You shouldn't eat before going into the pool. It'll upset your energies."

Beast Boy stopped and looked back at Raven wondering if he'd misheard something. Raven didn't look like he was even addressing him. He ate another chip and left the room at last.

Raven sighed. That little interaction had paused her recharge time, and had taken some of her power away. People where exhausting to be around and she didn't understand why. It was like she had something inside her head wired in backwards. Social interaction seemed to charge normal people, but with her it was like a constant drain, a drain that only solitude could reverse. This didn't help with her social life as she was seen as 'anti-social' and 'weird' even before joining the Teen Titans. She assumed this drain was something to do with her demonic powers, or the demon side of her heritage. Like her demon self was repelled by the sickening stench of humanity.

Her religion taught that every person had a demon self. It was everyone's duty to keep that demon self under control. Anything that would allow the demon self to take over was to be limited or prohibited. Alcohol, junk food, late nights and so on. Raven had to take more drastic action to keep her demon under control with spells, meditation, herbal teas and even fasting periods as her demon could be very volatile.

Once she felt her battery was finally recharged she put her cloaks blue hood up and went to have social time with her friends.

The outside world was oppressively bright, but the shadow of her hood protected her eyes from the glare. She approached the outside pool. Raven didn't mind swimming but she wasn't about to get changed into a swimming costume in front of the boys. It sounded ridiculous considering what she normally wore, a black, form hugging leotard. But something about wearing her black swimming costume in public felt different and it made her feel uncomfortable to be seen in it.

"Cannon Ball!" Cried Cyborg as he dropped into the pool like a lead weight. Which he partially was. He was a large, dark skinned man who's body was half robotic. He literally weighed a metric ton and could move several with one hand. Beast Boy leapt into the water after him and the pair tried to out pace each other in lengths of the pool. Beast Boy had the advantage genetics-wise as he shifted his body into that of an otter while Cyborg used superior technology to get from one side of the pool to the other. When Beast Boy was being out classed he changed into a shark and glided past his teammate. Cyborg would then up the power and so the battle would go on.

Raven shook her head as she watched. Boys and their need for competition. All Raven wanted to be was better than she was the day before. Mind you, being the most powerful and dangerous of the Teen Titans meant she was in a class all of her own. Quite a lonely class, actually.

"Hey, Raven!" Beast Boy called out, snapping Raven from her gloomy thoughts. "Come on in, the water's fine!" He tossed a beach ball at her. Raven caught it with her telekinetic power. The ball was shrouded in dark energy that highlighted important details in white. She considered firing it right back at him like a cannon ball, but he didn't mean to annoy her in the same way a tropical skin disease didn't know it was annoying to you. Instead, she put the ball down at the side of the pool and gently kicked it onto the waters surface.

The expression on Beast Boy's face was hard to read. But his aura suggested annoyance, followed by the restraining of that annoyance as his little brain rationalised not to take Raven's behaviour personally. Raven hated when people took her little quirks personally. It made her feel ashamed of being different. One wrong facial expression could make people hate you, which was partly why her face tended to remain impassive. It was just a safer bet.

Raven stepped away from the water and stood atop a large boulder. She sat at its summit cross legged and watched her two friends have fun. A small smile rose from her face. She liked watching her friends have fun, and some of Beast Boy and Cyborgs antics were unintentionally amusing. She preferred to bask in the shadow of good vibes instead of being at their centre, because she'll probably spoil it for everyone somehow. The moment their heads turned to her the smile vanished and she shut her eyes.

"Friend Raven!" Called out a female voice. This was Starfire, an orange-skinned, alien girl. She was of a similar age to Raven, but slightly taller. "So nice to see you here on this lovely day." Raven's eyes rolled to meet Starfire's. The demon girls dark soul nearly leapt out of her body. The alien girl was totally naked! As in, not much was left up to the imagination, naked. As in, a sight that made you wonder if Starfires' species were at all evolutionarily linked to Earth mammals kind of naked. Raven leapt up, peeled her cloak off and covered Starfire with it.

Raven squinted as the world became very bright to her eyes.

"What are you doing?" Raven hissed and looked back. The boys had yet to notice.

Starfire's face could clearly be seen under the blue hood. "I wanted to join our friends by the pool and engage in the wet activity of swimming."

"Don't you have a swimming costume?!" Raven asked.

"Swimming costume?" Starfire was clueless. She was a warrior princess from a far off planet in the vega system. Her customs were very... eccentric. "But the boys are not wearing anything."

"Cyborg is half machine, and Beast Boy is..." What was Starfire talking about? Raven glanced back, then turned back with redness spreading across her cheeks. Beast Boy's swimming shorts were floating on the surface of the water. Clearly his shorts didn't morph like his usual suit could, so he kept swimming in and out of it as he changed from one thing to another. But this time he'd missed his shorts. Thankfully, the important bits were mostly obscured under the water. But the fact they were there at all was disturbing enough. He hastily slipped them back on while Cyborg pointed and laughed at him. Raven stood in the way of Starfires view of the sight. Knowing Starfire she probably wouldn't be fazed by it. But it felt like the right thing to do to protect someone's modesty.

Taking Starfire by the arm Raven guided her away an back to the tower to get her fitted into a costume. It turned out she did have one, but she was using it as a sack to store her... her... Actually, Raven didn't know what it was and she didn't want to ask. The suit was a one piece deal. Starfire questioned why the boys could get away with only their lower bodies covered, while she would need to cover her chest too.

Raven's mouth hung open to explain. But closed it. She didn't have the energy to explain it and asked Starfire to just trust her. Christ, if any paparazzi had gotten onto the island they'd have a picture for page three; or maybe progressive groups would claim the boys made her expose herself for their own titillation or some such shit. People were judgmental and stupid like that, everyone else had to be some level of depraved degenerate, and some saw it as their duty to expose that. Starfire being an alien and unfamiliar with Earth culture wouldn't be juicy enough of a story worthy of gossip. There'd needed to be scandal involved. They could mine a months worth of content from a clear picture of Starfire's exposed tits.

"Thank you, Friend Raven for setting me right." Starfire's smile was real and natural. Raven decided to pull her own.

It wasn't that difficult, right? Turn the lips up. Raise the brow a little. Show some teeth. Why did Starfire look uncomfortable?

"Have I done something to offend you, friend Raven?"

Raven gave up and let her features fall back into their resting state. She looked down. "Nothing. Just ignore me."

"Shall you change into your own swimming garb?" Starfire asked.

"I'll pass." Raven held herself protectively. Starfire clearly didn't understand, but understood that Raven had her reasons, even if she couldn't comprehend her thinking.

Starfire came forwards and took Raven by the arm. She winced slightly, but reminded herself that Starfire did not mean her any discomfort. "Let us return to the pool side. I can swim with the boys and you can do your people-watching hobby."

"Please don't shout about what I do." Raven asked meekly. Starfire was a good friend but sometimes she had the mouth of a tannoy during tornado season.

While they'd both busied themselves Robin, their leader had joined the pool party. He was a white boy about Raven's height with slicked, black hair and an athletic build. He wore a black face mask that hid his eyes. The thing must be glued to his face or something as he never took it off. When he said secret identity, Robin really meant 'secret identity.' Seemed pointless since everyone on the team knew his real name.

The three boys now competed in a made up team sport that Raven didn't know the rules of and had no interest in learning as she had no intention of joining in.

Starfire and Raven stood at the edge of the pool.

"My friends, we have arrived." The boys stopped playing and turned to look at them. They dropped the ball they were playing with and their eyes went wide at the sight of them both. No. At the sight of Starfire.

Raven's head turned from them to Starfire and back again until her brain finally clicked on to what was happening. Her eyes darkened and her hands moved to part her cloak, but ended up pulling it firmly shut at the last moment. Her eyes scanned Starfire's figure and snorted. What was so special about her? What did Starfire have that she didn't?

"Is something wrong with the boys?" Starfire whispered to Raven.

"A lot!" With a swing of her arm Raven made a wave wash over the boys from behind. That snapped their hormone addled brains back to reality.

For the rest of the day Raven sat alone and watched her friends have fun without her. Their laughing, and their smiling made her very happy, though she didn't visually display it. She lived these good times through her friends, rather than being a part of it. There was a sadness to her face like what she was watching something she deeply wanted, but knew she could never have because of the curse given to her from her fathers side.

A rumbling caught Raven's attention. On the horizon, coming from the east was a large, dark green coloured storm cloud. A rare event.

There was something. Raven couldn't tell what it was, but it was coming and whatever it was it could only be trouble with a capital T-R-O-U-B-L-E.

To Be continued...

Authors notes: Green storm clouds are actually a thing, though they're not sure why it happens.

I'm leaning into a theory I've had for a while that Raven is on the spectrum, but has it very mildly. It explains so much of her behaviour more than being merely introverted does. It might also explain why I'm so good at writing for her as I am also on the spectrum. I didn't make the connection until a later chapter I wrote in my Teen Titan/Doctor Who crossover, the Lost Child of Azarath.