I stretched, my muscles sore from a very long night and my head slightly pounding from all the alcohol I consumed. Aziza was sprawled beside me, softly snoring. She looked so peaceful sleeping. I adjusted, snuggling into her side. Instinctively, her arm wrapped around me, pulling me into her more. I shifted, sliding a leg between hers, pressing my thigh against her.

"Calliope," she groaned, "don't start."

I giggled. I didn't intend to wake her, I just wanted to be close to her. She isn't wrong for wanting to sleep. I am convinced we didn't finish exploring each other until the sun began peaking in.

I settled in beside her and fell back asleep. Darkness surrounded me. I was on something soft but it was dark. I knew I was awake I simply couldn't see. Light burst forth and I was in her room. It looked different. It wasn't the mix of white, pinks, and blues. It was more mature, a little more edge to it. It balanced deep emerald green, black, and ivory. She whipped into focus.

"Cal, listen to me," Juliette spoke, grabbing my face so I could focus on her.

"Juliette? What is going on?"

"Cal, focus. I need you to focus. You're not safe." She urged. Her grip on my face tightened.

Her eyes went out of focus, her fangs dropping. I tried to wiggle from from her grip.

"You're always mine," she hissed.

I jumped awake. Aziza's hands on my shoulders.

"Cal, are you okay? You must've been having a nightmare," she looked worried.

I could still feel her hands on my face, her breath against my skin.

"Cal?" Aziza questioned. I finally looked at her. "Who is Juliette?" She cocked her head. I blinked. I wasn't going to answer.

"No one," I mumbled and sat up in bed.

"It didn't sound like no one," she sat back on her heels.

"It's nothing. Just a bad dream. They happen," I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath. I couldn't quite shake this one. It's like she was here but I knew she wasn't.

"I wish you'd just talk to me. You can talk to me about her, I have no reason to judge, I am here for you," she looked at me softly but I was uncomfortable. This was getting in territory I wasn't ready to discuss with her.

"Aziza, there are just some things that I am private about ok?" I snapped, "I don't have to tell you everything that goes on with me. Not everything is your business."

"You know what Calliope, I am done with this shit…ok?" She snapped back.

"I am done giving a fuck. I am done with you. Whatever the fuck, whoever the fuck Juliette is, she can have you. I've tried with you, I have. I have given you what you wanted. You just wanted to be friends, fine, I tried to keep my sexual advances at zero. Then you wanted friends with benefits, fine, I gave you that!" She jumped up, grabbing her clothes.

"Aziza, please, just stop," I begged.

"No, I am over this bullshit with you. I have real feelings for you. I want to take care of you. I want you to be mine but you fight me at every turn. So you know what, I am done. I am not wasting my time on someone who doesn't know what they want," she finished and stormed out of my room.

I could hear her on the other side of my apartment. I really did not have it in me to fight. I didn't even want to chase her. I simply couldn't. She was right, I don't know what I want. I cannot do it with her. This is why I stay alone and to myself.

My front door slammed and then it was quiet. I felt regret in the pit of my stomach. I should've just went and talked to her. I should've…I should've. No need for me to get caught in a should've/could've cycle. Simple fact, I didn't. I am not sure I want to. Not until I am free of Juliette. I need to be free of her or else this makes my life much harder than it needs to be.

"So, what do you think it means?" Ashton asked, cocking her head to the side.

"I don't know, that's why I'm asking you the therapist," I laughed, a little tense.

"Cal, at this point in our professional relationship you know that I know that you know what is going on there," she challenged and I crossed my arms over my chest and huffed.

We sat in silence. She wasn't going to change the subject and she wasn't going to fill the space with words just for the hell of it.

After what felt like eons, I met her eyes and she smiled softly.

"I still love her and being with someone else seriously feels like a betrayal," I said defeated.

"That's fair. How do you feel about still loving her?" She asked. I frowned. How did I feel?

"Angry," I answered.

"At who?" She asked.

"Myself," I looked down.

"Why?" She asked.

"Because it's been years. It is dumb of me to still love someone who…who," I stopped.

"Cal, there is nothing dumb about loving someone who was meaningful to you, even if it ended in a negative way," she titled her head, watching me closely.

"Truth is, she was a significant love for you. So it isn't unimaginable or even unreasonable to still care about her, to still have love for her. That also doesn't mean you have to stay stuck in that relationship, especially when you have someone right there who wants to be with you."

I stared at a space just past her head. She wasn't wrong. It wasn't like I had any intention of being with Juliette again. I had not real desire to go look for her. We never even spoke after what happened in my front yard, after her admitting what she had done to Theo.

"What are you thinking?" She asked.

"About the last night we spoke," I stated evenly.

"Tell me about it,"

"I don't really want to talk about it," I focused on her.

"That's fine, I'll never make you talk about anything you're not ready for but we have skirted around that final talk. It may help you to actually talk," she softly pushed, her eyes never leaving mine. I looked away.

"Cal, your mom found me for you okay. There are things you may not be able to talk about with other people but I know things and it is safe."

My leg bounced. I hadn't talked about this since it happened. I hadn't opened up about it. I pulled my knees to my chest, wrapping my hands around my legs, resting my chin on my knees.

"Okay," I sighed, "okay."

"I told her that I would spend the rest of my life trying to figure out how to kill her and every Legacy like her," I whispered, I hadn't said those words aloud since, "and that was after she said that she loved me."

"Let's back up just a little, tell me what made you say that." She scribbled in her notebook.

"Her sister killed my brother and Juliette turned him," I answered.

"Turned him?" She questioned. I hesitated. I know my mom said I could trust her. I also know it's supposed to be a safe space. I just wasn't sure.

"Into a vampire," I locked eyes with her again. She nodded.

"Which is contrary to your family's legacy, as hunters," she added.

"Exactly," I nodded "and, Theo's birth mom, she was killed by a vampire. Specifically by a Legacy we believe."

"Hmm," she hummed. "So tell me more about that event, how did you find out?"

"I was with her at her home. We had found out that the main advocate for exposing monsters believed that I was a monster and I needed to warn my family. Except the Guild was looking for me and I couldn't expose where I was. I called…I called Theo. My other brother, Apollo answered the phone," I paused. It felt like my throat was tightening.

"It's okay, you can take your time or we can stop here," Ashton reassured me.

"No, I am okay. I promise," I took a deep breath. "Apollo answered the phone and told me that something happened to Theo. Juliette and I drove over to the bar where they were. They were in the women's bathroom, in a stall," my voice cracked. Images of Theo laying in a pool of his blood, Apollo covered in blood. My rock, my oldest brother, dead.

"Apollo couldn't remember what happened," I finished.

"What do you mean he couldn't remember?" She asked.

"Juliette's sister, she has this ability to alter people's memories of things. She can change what they remember, can erase memories," I answered.

"That's…damn," she breathed.

"Girl, tell me about it," I laughed, feeling a little light in that moment.

"So you guys find Theo and Apollo, what happened?"

"Juliette told me that my mom had called hers looking for me. Not only that, but there was a curfew and there was a group of neurotic moms believing I was a monster. So we went home," I nodded.

"Wait, so not only did your brother get killed without Apollo knowing how, you were being slapped with monster accusations?" She asked with disbelief. I nodded, agreeing with just how much of a shit show that information was.

"Okay, I'm sorry, continue," she urged.

"Okay yeah, so we went home. When we got there, my mom, dad, and Theo were at the dinner table laughing. We were confused to say the least," I shifted, releasing some of the tension in my body.

"Cal, that is…that is wild," she looked concerned. I shrugged. Welcome to my world.

"So we're at the dinner table, confused. We are beyond concerned and our parents know nothing. Without much warning, Theo excuses himself from the table," I stretched out my legs, crossing my arms over my chest again.

"I don't know how much time passed, but sometime later that night, we heard Theo screaming. We rushed in, he had blood coming from his eyes and he had fangs. He was completely losing it," I shuddered, snapping back to that night.

"Apollo and my dad managed to get him to our basement and restrained him. I hated every moment of it. When they asked us if we knew what was going on, we didn't give them an answer. We really didn't know what to say. Apollo couldn't even remember what had happened fully."

"Everything after that just sort of happened so fast to be honest. Theo somehow broke free of his restraints. All hell broke loose. Apollo and my dad were in the yard and Juliette was there. She described what it was like for a newly created vampire. Then she said it, said that the initial experience would be hard until the vampire fed on the one who created it. She turned him," I sighed.

"When I realized she turned him, she was the cause, it was the last time we talked to one another," I finished. I focused on a spot on the floor.

"Do you want to talk about that conversation or call it for right now? How are you feeling?" She asked.

"Angry. Lost. Ashamed. Guilty maybe."

"That's interesting, why?" She asked, not looking up from her paper.

"Because when I think about it, the entire situation was insane. We were kids you know? We both were in a messed up situation," I answered.

"What do you mean by that?"

"She was trying to save Theo but it was the worst possible way to do it, and I've hated her for it since" I shrugged, "I know her intentions were pure. I know she was trying to put him out of his misery but she just…she fucked up," I answered.

"I want to explore the guilt, is it because you are angry at her but understand her?" Ashton asked.

"Hmm, I don't fully understand if I am being honest, I just know I feel that pit in my stomach," I spoke softly, "but that night she told me that she loved me, that I loved her too. Instead of confirming, I picked up a spear," I stood, beginning to pace.

"She stepped closer to the spear, I was so fucking angry but I knew I could't kill her - mostly because she couldn't be killed but even if she could, I couldn't do it," I walked from one end of the room to the next. I was feeling too much talking about this.

"That's when I said it, when I said I'd spend the rest of my life trying to figure out how to kill her, the look on her face broke me. I broke her. She had broken me," I stared at the wall, my back to Ashton, "she broke me."

"Cal, I don't know what to say. I'm so sorry. That is a lot to deal with, a lot to even process for you at that age especially. I am just, I am just so sorry you have had to deal with that and carry it," she spoke with pure sincerity.

The tears stung my eyes. She was right, I should have never had to deal with that. I should have never had to be a part of the Guild, bearing my heart and soul to that life. I also shouldn't have had to choose between that and love. I shouldn't have lost my brother. None of this shit was fair.