Disclaimer: I do not own any of the material appearing in this story. The OC's belong to their respective owners
BGM: Solo Menu (Kid Icarus: Uprising)
"Helloooo everyone~!" Palutena smiled. "Welcome to another edition of the Super RWBY Sisters recap! I will be your host today. You see, I managed to trick both Hades and Deadpool so I get to have my well deserved seat for this recap. How did I manage to trick the both of them? Well-"
"Oh my my my! Look at this handsome rogue!" Hades said, staring in front of a mirror before more mirrors rained down and surrounded him. "And look at you! And you! And you! Oooh, who's a sexy god of the underworld? I am, that's who!"
"A map to the fountain of youth? Pah! Come on, that doesn't exist. No one is that stupid to-... what's this little flap at the bottom of the map?" Deadpool wondered as he opened it up. "FREE CHIMICHANGAS?! FOUNTAIN OF YOUTH, HERE I COME!"
He took off running.
"With both of them distracted, there's no way I can't do this recap. Now, as you know, we stopped at-"
A trap door appeared underneath Palutena.
"-KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!"
End BGM
Hades dropped down from the ceiling. "Nice try, Pretty Palutena! It'll take more than vanity to get rid of me that easily!" He let out a chuckle. "Oh don't worry, it's just a bottomless pit. She'll be fine! Now then, where were we? Oh right, the recap! Cue the music!"
BGM: NFL Theme
Super RWBY Sisters Presents:
Yet Another SRS Recap!
Hosted By Hades, the Sexiest God of the Underworld!
"All right, let's review this one more time… Exhibit A-"
"-Nanny boy… is a stinker!"
"HEY!"
"Hahahaha! You know me when I see a golden opportunity!" Hades smirked. "Now then, let's kick things off with-"
A phone started to ring.
"Hold that thought." Hades answered the phone. "Y'ello? …WHAT? What do you mean someone already recapped Skyward Sword through Frontiers?! Well, whoever this Logbook poser is, thinking he can dress up as ME, which, by the way, excellent choice of costume… tell that putz I'm sending royalties in his mailbox! And by royalties, I mean a few dozen Mimicuties! …Well, just deliver it by air, Amazon's got those drones, don't they? Make it a same day delivery! Throw in a free Clubberskull as a bonus! I don't CARE if it was an April Fool's joke! Goodbye!"
He put it away.
"Sounds like someone thought it'd be funny to steal my thunder. Well, I'm gonna do the recap anyway! No one's getting off that easily!"
He grinned maliciously. "So, where were we?"
End BGM
"Ooooh yes. In the pit of despair."
ATMC: Skyward Sword
"Behold! Yet another Zelda story that Nanny Boy drags on!"
"Hey! That's not true!"
"Oh yeah? Remind me how long Zelda's Journey took? You started April 9th and it ended October 7th! True, you were working on remastering your Touhou Galaxy story, but recall that you started Skyward Sword February 19th and ended it on the last day of July!"
"Mmmmph…"
"Hehehe, you make this too easy. Anywho, where we last off, Ghirahim takes good ol' Linky boy in intensive care and Lana and Cia wrangles up a bunch of folks and takes them to ancient Hyrule of the past and takes Weiss with them while CFVY and co heads off to Inkopolis! More on that later.."
Hades smirked. "So why did Weiss want to go to Skyloft? To give Ruby a break, of course! And how about the universe's favorite punching bag? Apparently she's so stressed out that she gives Grif a healthy groin shot and Yang, Blake, Gloria and Nyx take her away to Akame's favorite camping spot to give her a break. Apparently, this puts her in depression and thinks she's a punching bag."
He chuckled. "Why, of course you're a punching bag! Don't you see? The universe collabbed with Dark Ruby to make your life a living hell! Even dead, she's giving you grief… and Dark Samus too. How's that phazon treatin' ya? But just when things were starting to quiet down for her… behold, a T-Rex from New Donk City shows up because Pauline watched too much Jurassic Park in my opinion! Even Mario agrees!"
"Sooo, what do you think? Any feedback?"
"Oh, I got-a plenty of feedback for you on this!"
"I wonder if this is how those two broke up? Pauline got too dinosaur crazy that it was bad for Mario's health. Maybe he was a Triceratops' chew toy~ Anywho, back at Skyloft, they start investigating as to why that era's Link got trapped on an island and Groose… is being Groose. So they venture off, Midna shows up with Wolf Link, Ghirahim merges with his past self and tries to be threatening, life is starting to get entertaining for them… but then, Weiss has to play the hero."
"I'd rather have something happen to me instead of Ruby for once. Just so… she can take a break."
"Weiss, you fool! You just doomed everyone by having Atlas fall, having a crisis on Starfall Islands AND having Twilight Chiaki exist! That surely won't bite you in the butt, no sir! You should've known it was going to bite you immediately after Ghirahim stole your Fierce Deity! …But you get help from Nayru and get a new Sheikah form? Weiss, you coward, learn how to fight in a depowered form! It worked well with Chiaki! …Oh wait. No, it didn't. Dimentio made sure of that, and she spends the rest of the story in the ICU. What fun! And all this after she cheers Taranza up. Poor guy…"
Hades smiled. "Oh, and I also bring Ruby to the Underworld to help cheer her up. I can be nice when I want to be! All the villains down there have mellowed out, especially Dark Weiss! …Or would that be Meryl now? Ah, I'm getting ahead of myself. Torturing Dark Ruby is absolutely fun though. Oh, and Damian escaped again and is currently making life hell in the Splatlands… but more on that later. Speaking of Damian, it seems like his paper counterpart is making Chaos Ruby's life miserable. Come on, why isn't my paper self joining in on the fun?"
He cleared his throat. "Anywho, Wild Era Zelda and good ol' Ganny Poo comes by to help out against Ghirahim doing horrific things to the Zelda timeline. Oh look, Laxus powered back up after Ghirahim stole it away! It's as if stealing someone's electricity away only for it to come back by having his electrical half genie side chick power him back up. Ghirahim, you fool, you should've drained Zapple's half genie powers while you were at it! You could've had half genie powers and made them even more miserable, you absolute CLOWN. Shame on you! And oh look, thanks to you and Wizzro, you made Mine lose her mind and have her go Demon soul on your butts! Way to go, you just powered up the prissiest, snarkiest, sharp shootin' gal in team ATMC. What do you have to say for yourself? You're not the clown, you're the entire CIRCUS!"
Hades rubbed his head. "Well, at least you still have Zelda and you have your blackmail ace in the hole with Maki, so surely… wait, Akame and Kurome defended Maki? Zelda still had her crystallized nap, AND powered up Link's Goddess Sword to the Master Sword? Ugh, can't you do anything right? You might as well have had Wolf Link go back to normal and had two Links running around and-... oh, for Sakurai's sake, YOU LET THAT HAPPEN TOO?! Calling you a clown is an INSULT to clowns at this rate! You make Dark Samus look SMART for pete's sake! Sure, you brought the hyena over to torment Oran, but Oran overcame that by having the power of friendship compel him to summon wings on his back! Can't you do anything right?!"
Hades sighed. "Oi, at least you did do something right by having The Imprisoned come out while everyone was sleeping and is about to destroy Skyloft. At least we have that going for-... wait, what do you MEAN you let Tatsumi make his peace with Tyrant and overcame The Imprisoned?! AND you let Ganondorf destroy his zonai counterpart and made him permanently a hero?! AAAAAAAAAAAAARGH! CAN'T YOU DO ANYTHING RIGHT?!"
The ground started to shake as parts of the ceiling fell, but luckily Nan and Ibuki got out of the way.
"Ibuki never thought a villain would make Hades upset!" Ibuki said.
"Apparently, Ghirahim would!"
"Ugh! This imbecile makes Dimentio look smart… and he got his skull caved in by Donkey Kong!" Hades shook his head. "Seriously, what was the plan here, Ghirahim? Show everyone how idiotic you truly were? Show the entire fanbase how incompetent you are? Well, at least you made a comeback and kidnapped Skyward Zelda again. At least you still have that AND Wizzro, so it's not like… wait… YOU LET CIA TAKE WIZZRO AWAY FROM YOU AND YOU GOT TEAMED UP BY WEISS AND WILD ZELDA?!"
*The Price is Right Losing Horn Sound Effect*
"You fucking donkey!"
"Well, at least you did one thing right. You managed to make Demise more threatening with the Fierce Deity! Oh yeah, and there's also a fight going on with Oran and the hyena. Obviously the armadillo wins with the help of Loid and a few others. So what about Demise? Well, he gives everyone hell with the Fierce Deity, but in the end, Ganondorf manages to do away with the curse with the help of Twilight Link and Weiss and put him away for good! …Ganondorf. Did away. With the curse. GHIRAHIIIIIIIM!"
"Oh BROTHER, this guy STINKS!"
"You took the words right out of my mouth! He doesn't deserve to exist anymore! GET HIM OUT OF HERE! Ugh… I need a palette cleanser after that. Let's check up on the Splatlands!"
CFVY: Rise of the Mammalians
"Should this really be considered a CFVY story? Seems more like a Komaru and Toko Misadventure to me, and Leon trying to run away from his Sayaka problems. But that's just me. Hehehehe." Hades chuckled. "But anywho, we have two new characters… Ribbon Tail and Ms. Broody Tentacles, Ikura… who seems to have a hatred for Ribbon's lil' buddy. Just like how I have a burning distaste for the circus who shall not be named."
He cleared his throat. "Anywho, Nagisa and co become Cuttlefish's errand folk but get stopped by Octavio, buuuuuut Coco puts a stop to it… and then they fall into the abyss known as Alterna, where they run into the Squid Sisters and a melancholic Agent Three. Apparently, Tartar traumatized her pretty good. Yikes… oh, and Octavio helps out the heroes again as they run into Deep Cut to try to put a stop to them for their treasure hunting. So Deep Cut are the villains here? Even the friendly Big Man? …Well, I'm sure they'll be better than Ghirahim!"
With a chuckle…
"So, as they go through Alterna, they bump into Frye only for Agent 4, AKA Azure to crash the party! …Wait, Azure the Inkling and Azure the Azure Rathalos? My, everyone loves the color blue, don't they? What's next, there's gonna be a Yoshi named Azure? An AzureYoshi? Only time may tell!"
"Oh boy…" Nan sweatdropped.
"But wait, it seems as if Grizzco wants them to head over to take care of a Salmonid problem in a Big Run! Turns out that was just a ruse to have Mr. Grizz secretly work on his project undeterred! They destroy the Salmonids and save Splatsville, due to Mukuro's inner soldier kicking in and making Soldier himself obey her. How riveting! Oh, and Ikura and Ribbon get into a big fight over Ribbon's lil Salmonid buddy because apparently, Ikura's best friend got splatted by a Maws! How sad… oh, but wait! As they were fighting, it seems as if Bowser burnt Peach's Castle to the ground! Let's make a detour real quick!"
JINXY: Micro Party
"So, it seems as if Kamek decided to give Bowser a new magical belt… but proceeds to make him have tunnel vision so bad that he destroys Peach's castle after kidnapping Peach! So, Peach tasks JINXY and their plus one known as Rantaro to investigate the situation. During his power high, he shrinks them down and sends them on a quest to head back to Bowser's Castle as tiny individuals while Jade calls her girlfriend to get them back to normal while Nyx calls Team MAJC to help them out."
Hades grinned. "Apparently this story was suggested by Nanny Boy's friends but he wasn't so sure about it… and then the good ol' RunawayGuys played the game and… well…"
"Can I just quit?! Can I just quit now? The game is just like: "All right, he's won most of these games. We're not letting him CLOSE. We are grounding him to DUST. This man will be nothing but MUSH. He will be part of this American soil RIGHT NOW. He will not feel anything but embarrassment and death and destruction by one of his own playable characters, his own stream fucking mascot, WARIO, will make sure he never ever play one of these fucking games ever again"!"
"Justice had to be served! …By not having them actually do actual Mario Party and just let them go around the boards and almost get themselves ran over by pinballs due to Junior playing the pinball machine? Bit of any odd choice if I say so myself, but things have been weirder. Anywho, MAJC knocks the belt off of Bowser to get him back to normal, Kamek is humiliated by a tiny Nyx and Futaba gets them all back to normal. Typical Tuesday for these guys! Oh, and Bowser helps repair Peach's castle and Kyoko takes a pinball machine for herself… and nearly gets killed by Dimentio but she refuses to die despite blood being splattered all over her office. What will it take to kill Kirigiri? Heck if I know!"
He grinned. "So anyway, before the Splatlandian party goes back into Alterna, R3-B7 comes back into play because SAPR stuck her nose in where it didn't belong. Well, that certainly won't come to bite them in the butt anytime soon! There also seems to be a Splatlandian Tournament with the prize being a Heartbinder that caught Umber's attention and brought his girlfriends and Doctor Strange along! …Apparently the Squid Kids are really fast at making tattoos. How the heck did the twins get complete tattoo sleeves in under ten minutes? Hook me up with those squid kids, I want them to tattoo "loser" on Dark Ruby's forehead~"
Hades chuckled. "Anywho, they get back into Alterna when Calasmos' goons start to cause more trouble and… oh hey, look! Damian's there! Alright, so this is like, what, his fiftieth death in the series? I'm sure it'll be-... oh. Oooooh. Someone's trying real hard to be a threat again! …And it's working! Holy hell, Damian's a bigger threat than GHIRAHIM?! It truly is a sad day for the circus."
With a laugh… "So, anyway, they go around Alterna some more, fighting Deep Cut, Ikura apologizing to Ribbon and then they find out that Cuttlefish is in trouble with Mr. Grizz! They go to Mr. Grizz and… ooooh my! That's the biggest grizzly bear known to mankind, look at the size of him! …So that's what happened to humanity in Inkcadia. Someone got really really hungry after his hibernation~!"
"That's not what happened!" Nan said. "If you looked at the lore-"
"Ah, looking at the lore files is for sissies. Let me work out MY headcanons, thank you very much!"
Nan sighed. "Oh brother…"
"Anyway, Ribbon goes to fight off Mr. Grizz and everyone else follows due to Rosalina arriving and everyone takes off to help her ou-... wait, what the heck is Dry Bowser doing there? It looks like he's up to no good. Looks like he finally decided to stop sitting around and do something! …Or get that fuzzy ooze into his arms. Maybe there was a cold front coming along that chilled him to the bone!"
*Audience boos*
"My, there's no pleasing the crowd, is there? Your displeasure gives me joy~" He chuckled. "Anyway, the group back in space fight off the gigantic grizzly bear and Junko proceeds to deal the finishing blow with the help of Off the Hook! Now that's a character arc right there! Goes from despair to helping the heroes out. Truly a gorgeous moment! So, by the time they're done, they go back and… oh… Team Hyrule isn't back yet? Oh right, they're still dealing with Ghirahim… oh, never mind, Team Hyrule's back!"
Hades grinned. "And now that Team Hyrule's back, Dimentio makes his move by trying to finish Chiaki off who got out of the ICU! But wait, Ruby comes back and stops him… AND Samus and her party help out after the former gets her legs back! AND Kyoko comes back from the hospital and helps out too! Oh look at that, Dimentio's back to being the clown again. Though he's a better clown than Ghirahim, that's for sure. Anyway, Oran's big brother Gonta arrives and becomes part of the family, Dark Weiss pokes her head back in while Weiss is also in the hospital, and they become… friends? Well, alright then! It seems like they're about to have a duel. Ooooh, I can't wait to see who will come out on-... wait, the fight's over as soon as it started? Now why would-... ooooooh~!"
He smirked. "Before we go to the next thing, let me just point out that Celeste comes back and tries to kill Kyoko. It doesn't go so well and will soon be Chiaki's problem in the near future. Anyway!"
RWBY: Winter's Dusk
"And here we have my absolutely favorite story in the series. The chaos, the poetry, the sheer carnage! It's absolutely delectable! Dr. Eggman makes his move while Ruby and Sonic have a race! …Why did they have a race, exactly?"
"Because I wanted to include it for fun. There was no plot point to it, I just wanted to have them race for the fun of it." Nan explained.
"Well, I'm sure that'll make the Ruby fan happy! …Maybe. Anyway, Ruby loses the race and Eggman goes ahead and kidnaps Esdeath, takes Fria to the door and snags the Scepter, then proceeds to make Atlas crash to the ground! Oh, and by the way, this is all Weiss's fault because SOMEONE had to go be Team Mom and wanted to take the brunt of Ruby's pain away! And this is just the start of her misery… and my amusement. The universe demands a blood sacrifice and you offered yourself to it! Have you no shame, Weiss? SHAME!"
He chuckled. "Oh, and Futaba becomes the new Winter Maiden. I wonder how the whole SRS fandom took that? Let's see the results… ahhhh, two folks are at each other's throats because one asked if Futaba was gonna be the Winter Maiden because of how it was being set up but another person went after their throat for daring to ask questions. And thus begins the most pointless war with two people bickering and everyone else is pointing and laughing at them! Who knew asking a simple question would be so triggering for the other individual? I didn't realize asking questions was illegal for this person. Maybe he's allergic~"
With a laugh, he continued. "Anywho, Eggman made himself known and everyone is on borrowed time before he destroys Remnant and makes it in his own image! My my, the stakes have never been higher… so much so that Nanny Boy decides to delete the rest of the series and make everyone think Eggman will win! Little did he realize it would have worked if he had Eggman take over his account and make cryptic messages while he stored the future stories someplace safe~"
"Hahahaha. YOU FOOL. I have seventy alternative accounts!"
"Ugh, why didn't I ever think of that?" Nan groaned.
"Cheer up! Your short sightedness was really amusing for me~"
"HEY!"
"Oh Nan-chan… when will you never be an easy target for him?" Ibuki giggled.
"He's such a good sport about it too~" Hades chuckled. "Anyway, where was I? Ah right… not only did Eggman pull a fast one on everyone, but he also kidnapped Pyrrha and replaced her with a clone of herself while Pyrrha gets a metal cap on her and is turned into a robot! Surely that won't bite Eggman in the butt!"
He laughed. "Anyway, RWBY and co are the A team and go find the Chaos Emeralds. JINXY and co are the B team and split up to find the Chaos Emeralds as well… all the while Futaba is trying to let it go with Elsa and a… very suspicious Raven. Not only that, but it seems as if Byleth and Esdeath are acting very weird. Veeery weird. I'm sure it's fine! Oh, and Dark Weiss tags along with Weiss and friends! And how is Weiss handling this stress?"
"Alright, I'll show you-"
"MARCH!"
"Yow! Easy with that blade! At least buy me dinner first, snow queen!"
"Weiss, if anyone's gonna be penetrating Claude, it's gonna be me!"
"I'm more surprised that Yang would go for innuendos and not call Weiss out for nearly impaling her boyfriend! Seriously, Weiss was one impalement away from starting a war with Derdriu for killing their guy! And Yang wouldn't speak with Weiss anymore! Seriously, this snippy attitude is going to make you push everyone away! Just like you did with Luminary… seriously, you made him run away and now he's joining the Shield Hero crew! …or just Filo at any rate. That's weird. Where's Raphtalia? Naofumi? Melty? …Well, as long as Myne or Motoyasu isn't here, we should be okay! But seriously though… Weiss, you ought to push away more people. It's highly amusing!"
He chuckled. "And while this is going on, Byleth and Esdeath are getting more and more suspicious, Chiaki is screaming at the sky because the Master Emerald's gone AND Anna and Elsa are having a chocolate break while time isn't of the essence! I had a few chocolate bars myself during the invasion… it was quite fun! Oh, and speaking of invasions, Adam Taurus makes his move and tries to assassinate Peach during this chaos because he's still grumpy about the treaty! Sheesh, talk about petty… and he almost got away with it too if it wasn't for that meddling tiger faunus! Talk about no fair, I had a seat reserved for Peach's soul too… ach, can't win 'em all, I'm afraid. At least I still have a seat reserved for Adam! Surely he'll come by, right?"
He sighed. "Well, while I wait for his soul to come by, Esdeath is outted by Samus as a faker and Byleth… is actually herself but was blackmailed into keeping quiet because her family was taken hostage. Hell, Rosie almost got herself killed hadn't Samus stepped in! Oh, and while this was going on, Argus gets itself nuked sky high since robot Pyrrha developed a nuke behind Eggman's back. Sure, there were some survivors but not enough to save everyone… and yet, the little Karen survives. Oh, and speaking of surviving, Kyoko manages to make her way into the Death Egg only to get trapped by a fake Chaos Emerald and falling to her death into space! …But she miraculously survives and is found by Zinnia! Seriously, what does it take to kill this woman?"
"How are you not dead?"
"I have no idea!"
"Anyway, they go and snag Bowser up while Celeste confronts Chiaki over… something so trivial, I don't even know what that whole confrontation was even about. Seriously, she leaves five seconds after she comes back. Weirdo. Anyway, while this is going on, a saboteur is messing around with the Death Egg all because his lady was in trouble. Who is this saboteur? Sephiroth! …Apparently Esdeath brings the good out in him? Well, if it makes Cloud irritable, then I'm sure it'll be fine! Oh, and Raven being a nasty bird was just a clone of her in disguise as the real Raven knocks her out! Oooh, it looks like the heroes are getting all the Emeralds because apparently, Shadow snagged one all by himself! The heroes regroup and head off to Atlas… but uh oh, what's this? It seems like Eggman decreased the time! Surely that won't do anything to Weiss's mentality! …Oh look at that, it does! And Dark Weiss, now naming herself Meryl, proceeds to fight a corrupted Fierce Deity Weiss controlled by Demise? Oooooh, looks like Ghirahim was good for something after all!"
Round 3, FIGHT!
"So the two battle and Meryl wins in the end and calms Weiss down and… wait, that duel doesn't count? Come on! That should've counted! Bah, technicalities." He grumbled. "Anyway, they go into the Egg Carrier and… oh look, R3-B7 took over SAPR and is about to be everyone's problem again. I told you that'd bite them in the butt! …Oh. Penny talks her down and SAPR is back to normal? Lame! Anyway, Carmen decides to bring in some random summons, including her good friend 2B!"
Hades blinked. "2B? I've heard 2B is quite popular with fans to the point that they want her in Smash. Oh Nanny boy, you know what this means, do you~?"
"Oh no…"
"That's right! That means if there's another Smash Bros and 2B gets in after her introduction in SRS… well… you know what'll happen?"
"Uh… fifteen for fifteen?"
"More like infinity for infinity!" Hades laughed. "Anywho, who are these summons? Why, Ratchet and Clank, Ryuko, Big Boss, Mandolorian, Jinx and… Master Chief? The Master Chief? I heard someone wants him in Smash… would a Mii Costume suffice? You do know if he somehow gets in-"
"Shut up!" Nan rolled his eyes.
"Hehehe~" Hades chuckled. "Anywho, they storm into the Death Egg while Futaba hacks into it to distract Eggman, along with Meta Knight and friends helping out on the outisde. Silver the Hedgehog pulls Pyrrha out of her metal suit, Bowser and Eggman have a squabble and then Ironwood, Futaba, the hedgehogs and Kyoko face Eggman powered up by the Chaos Emeralds, then they go and take the scepter from him and the Death Egg falls into a desert somewhere in the Lost Levels and Remnant lives to see another day while Futaba has Abrosius and all the summons leave, though Chief and Jinx stay behind and hang out with the heroes. So all's well that ends well, right?"
"WRONG!"
"Thanks, Lex Luthor! Pyrrha and Weiss are at their lowest so in the end, Eggman still won. But before we get into the next story… let's take a detour."
Super RWBY Sisters: The Lost Levels
"So, Dry Bowser heads back after making a quick visit to Alterna and arrives where his friends were at… as it turns out, they are in the Lost Levels after all this time! But apparently, it was once named the Kingdom of Myths just renamed the Lost Levels because a certain scientist got herself lost in the first area. Loony as hell…"
He laughed. "Anyway, they go through a lava area, they go through a maze of pipes to where Dimentio catches up to them and is somehow more competent than Ghirahim? Ouch. But anyway, they go into a desert, find a Chaos Emerald but they don't take it, find a Dry Wiggler that somehow makes Mario turn into Luigi, learn that the Dry Wiggler is the way he is because of Dry Bowser's war, they stumble across King Boo who is livid with Dimentio, they go through a snowy wasteland and recruit an emperor, they go through a gem forest where they fight Louie there, they go through a turbulent rainstorm from a Reznor that turns the weather back to normal after it gets killed. Dry Bowser then forces some Monty Moles to make a famine happen but later on, Mario delays it… bah, dang heroes delaying more souls to come on down on my end…"
He grinned. "And then they go through the Minus World and go through a bunch of oddities because a certain scientist got way too creative… then they run into her cryogenically frozen self. Everyone, meet Viola… the most unhinged scientist known to mankind! She thinks she's the best when she's really not! Let's set the scene a few centuries ago, shall we?"
WIth a devilish smirk, he began. "So this scientist makes these devilish contraptions that I would pay a fortune for that would maim and seriously harm individuals. I like her already! …Though a scientist by the name of Elvis P. Gadd… sheesh, real subtle there, proceeds to turn her down and panics, accidentally saying something he regrets and causes her to spiral out of control and will soon make it a problem for everyone. On the flip side, there is a dark mage that goes by Myra Shadowheart who just recently got back from a trip from Rogueport with her grandma, the Shadow Queen… wait, what? The Shadow Queen? SHE'S actually good in this universe? Well, there's something you don't see every day!"
"What a twist!"
"So anyway, Myra says to her good friend Lemony that she'll be at her coronation as queen… but ends up taking a quick trip to the Kingdom of Myths and bumps into Viola. I should also mention that Myra's the heroine of the Mushroom Kingdom. So, what happens when the heroine of the Mushroom Kingdom meets an unhinged person? You would think that a normal person would turn around and run away, but instead… Myra trusts Viola and become good friends! BUT IT IS A RUSE! For you see, Viola was just going to use Myra for her own benefit so she could destroy the science community with a dark mage under her thumb! Surely Myra would figure this out any second now! …Any second now. Aaaaaany second now. Oh look, Myra accidentally caused King Boo to go evil. …Wait a moment, SHE is responsible for JNPR's Mansion?!"
"What a twist!"
"Who woulda thunk! Anyway, surely Myra would realize Viola isn't a good person and she calls her out on it? Right? I mean… Viola's destroying the ecosystem with Zuteregeon! Right? …Oh, there goes the neighborhood. Aaaand Myra still thinks she's nice. The heroine of the Mushroom Kingdom, everyone! Well, on the bright side, Myra is conflicted about the whole thing so… that's a plus? They eventually reach the end and Myra finally learns that Viola is not a good person after she kills a scientist!"
"That was horrible! Your wish was horrible… YOU'RE HORRIBLE! You're an irredeemable monster!"
"Oh! Oh! What took you so long, IDIOT?"
"Well, on the bright side, at least Myra will finally kill-... or… just not kill her and leave her to be frozen for four hundred years and decides to freeze herself in time with the Emerald Star and… not kill her again when they reanimate and the Crystal Stars get tossed around and forcing Myra to leave with El Cinco… leaving Viola alive with Dry Bowser's posse."
*The Price is Right Losing Horn Sound Effect*
Hades sarcastically clapped. "The heroine of the Mushroom Kingdom everyone! Way to go! Way. To. Go."
Hades sighed. "And if that wasn't troubling enough, Chiaki learns of a Twilight Princess counterpart of her being corrupted by the Triforce and she goes to her universe to try to stop her just like how Ruby did with Sapphire, buuuuut Twilight kicks her butt and proceeds to be an unstoppable force! …You see what happens when you wish the universe to kick your butt for a bit, Weiss? You willed Twilight Chiaki into the world! For shame! Which brings us to…"
RWBY: Twilight Chiaki's Rampage
"Oh. Wait. Was that actually called RWBY: Wings of Ruin? I couldn't even tell because of the B plot heavily focusing on Twilight's rampage. Actually… I think the RWBY plot is the B plot and Twilight was the A plot! …Seriously, Nanny boy, I know you like Chiaki, but don't you think this is a bit ridiculous?"
"I think I liked the idea of an evil Chiaki so much, I wanted to do more with her and… didn't realize I was getting carried away until it was too late. Apologies everyone!"
"Ah, don't fret. Getting carried away happens to everyone! …It just so happens to be amusing if it happens to you and watch you squirm whenever Twilight is mentioned and brings the worst out of everyone on that Discord server~ I admire your dedication to try and not to mention in the following stories, but we still have an evil Chiaki to eventually worry about. You know what, let's do a drinking game. Take a shot every time Twilight Chiaki is mentioned! I'm sure you'll be passed out drunk before Wings of Ruin is halfway over!"
"No! I don't want people to die drunk while reading this!" Nan exclaimed in horror.
Hades let out a hearty laugh. "Jokes aside, let's get this recap going!"
RWBY: Wings of Ruin
"So we start off with Chiaki getting herself drunk and getting a tattoo because Twilight is an embarassment to all Chiakis everywhere. We then cut to Adam stealing Azure and running off to the Monster Hunter world where Ruby gathers up her friends to help Weiss out and they storm off to deal with Adam! …And they go ahead and Monster Hunt, get monsties, Weiss gets herself tormented by Adam while also having the Trophy Gun, they go take care of a Rathalos problem, Weiss is saved, Seryu has a cool moment against Adam…"
Hades scratched his head. "Sorry for glossing all over this, Nanny Boy… the whole thing is just blotched over with Twilight Chiaki this and that! I think I glossed over that Pyrrha depression arc too. Seriously, this was ridiculous!"
"Yeah… and I'm not a fan of it either." Nan sighed with Ibuki patting him on the head.
"Well, hey, at least Twilight doesn't go any more insane by being stupid and going after someone like the Beyond-... oh, son of the living dead, she does go after the Beyonder? And here I thought she was smart! Ah, but at least The Beyonder takes the Triforce away from her so she can think clearly! Thank you! Now we don't have to deal with-"
"And with the Triforce gone from your clutches, your mind has now become clear. Now you are free to reflect on your sins and do what is right. …But where's the fun in that?"
"No… no no no no no no no no! Wait wait wait wait… WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT!"
"Oh, for the Underworld's SAKE, Beyonder! You could've saved the entire universe AND saved everyone a headache with that, but you had to go and be a troll about it! Don't get me wrong, I admire your trollish tendencies, but we could've had something amazing here! AAAARRRRGH!"
"Boo this man! BOOOOOOO!"
Hades took a deep breath. "At least you're not Ghirahim… at least you're not Ghirahim… at least you're not Ghirahim. Okay! Back to normal. So let's see here… Winter and the rest of her family come to save the day with their own monsties and Weiss reunites with Azure, they go on a quest to help secure the lands from a giant monster, Adam makes one last hail mary to turn the tide but gets struck down by everyone and then… cut in half by his own Glavenus and trophified by Mine? Oooh, his soul wrapped up in a trophy for me! Now I just gotta wait and… and… wait, what do you MEAN the other Hades gets to keep it on his shelf?! What do you MEAN Zagreus gets to look at that shiny trophy every time he gets killed out there?!"
*The Price is Right Losing Horn Sound Effect*
"I can't believe I had to use that on myself. There truly is a first time for anything… alright, what's going on in Gaiden land? Surely there's gotta be something good over there. Ah! Myra comes back to the Mushroom Kingdom and becomes friends with the new heroes of the Mushroom Kingdom, becomes friends with JINXY, the Phantom Thieves and everyone else after Sora figures out to take care of the simulation of Twilight Chiaki… but Jade is having family issues once Myra tells them that she was responsible for King Boo. Jade hates her guts and heads off to go deal with a ghost busting job to get her mind off things… and runs into the Sunshine King Boo. Haven't seen him in ages! Apparently he goes by Rouboo. Who knew? And he tries to play the therapist. Bonus!"
He chuckled. "While this is going on, Myra meets up with Wario for a spell and heads back home while not realizing that they have the Gold Star. Whoops! Anyway, shenanigans aside… wonder how Twilight Chiaki is doing? I'm sure she's not doing anything too wi-... she's turned to killing fellow Chiakis because she's the one true Chiaki? Ah geez, just when I thought she couldn't get more depraved! It's to the point that a Darth Vader version of her calls her out! Surely, it can't get wor-... AAAAAND she blows up Remnant to kill her Weiss based on a vision? Well, I'm glad she's taking a back seat after all this for a little while!"
"So am I." Nan nodded.
"Anyway… onto something more fun!"
WSSP: Frontiers
"Ah, yes… Weiss is the main character in a Sonic story while Ruby takes a backseat. That makes total sense! Not like any Ruby fan would complain over something like that, no sir! Well, maybe not complain but more like point something out. Anyway, Kyoko sees that Eggman is up to no good so she sends WSSP out along with a group of friends and they head off to Starfall Islands… but plot demands that some strange plot device sucks them all in and separates them all in cyberspace! …Oh look, Ratchet and Clank are back!"
"Ah, Perry the Platypus!"
"AND Doofenshmirtz? Well, I didn't think we'd have Phineas and Ferb in this series but yet, here we are! Talk about- oh, and we're back with the main crew. Well, I'm sure Ratchet and Clank will be fine. Anyway, as they're trapped in Starfall Islands, Byleth gets Chiaki into boxing to get her mind off things. The Ultimate Boxing Gamer? …Wait, chaos magic. Ultimate Chaotic Boxing Gamer? That's definitely a mouthful, but it's probably better than "Rose/Xiao-Long/Branwen Household", am I right! Ha!"
"You think we could come up with something better than that." Ibuki said.
"I got nothing." Nan shrugged.
"After that, Kyoko recruits Winter, Byleth, Dorothea, Shadow, Gonta, Nero and Nico… but the latter two sneak away before they could all take off, so they get Star Fox to help out! While that is going on, WSSP reunites with Jade, Futaba, Iris and Rantaro and run into Sage… and they split off, finding the first group of friends trapped in Cyberspace and… oh? Looks like Weiss is going to get her Fierce Deity back! Oh, this is excit-... WHAT THE HELL IS GHIRAHIM DOING HERE?! …Oh, look at that, he's also joined by Demise and Adam… oh, and also Jacques, Seryu, and… Dark Weiss back when she was evil. Okay, I know these are your personal demons, but Ghirahim is your inner demon too? I know this is a low point for you Weiss, but I didn't think it was that low. Seriously, are we thinking of the same Ghirahim? This is the same nincompoop who dropped the ball in Skyward Sword and he's your demon? Come on, I'm right here! I could've been your sexily charming demon, not him!"
Hades sighed. "Oh well, I guess you can be traumatized by this loser… I suppose. Anyway, she gets her butt handed to her and slowly starts to learn that asking the universe to pile on her for a while was a bad idea. Nooooo, really? I mean, it's not like you asking the universe to dogpile on you was just asking for it! Granted, I'm sure this would have happened naturally, but you made this personal, so all of this is on you! Sit in that corner and think about what you've done! And don't emerge until Ruby pulls you out of the sea of despair! I want to see you SQUIRM, dammit!"
With a chuckle, Hades brushed his hair with his hand. "But I digress… Cyberspace is giving everyone a run for their money, especially considering it likes to bring everyone to their breaking point. Seriously. This makes some characters relapse like the Warriors of Hope and Futaba… shouldn't they have gotten over it? It's a bit of an odd plot point… but I've seen odder plot points. *cough* GHIRAHIM BEING THE MAIN ANTAGONIST. *cough* Sorry, I had something in my throat. Must've been phlegm. Anywho, one by one, Weiss and co save their friends while having some pleasant defeatist conversations with Sage… while at the same time, Kyoko scurries Cyberspace and starts seeing a different side of Eggman. Turns out that invasion was him doing a hail mary to save Remnant from Salem and how he felt like he had no choice."
"Oh boohoo! Let me play a sad song for ya on the world's smallest violin."
"This is serious!"
"I know. This really is the world's smallest violin. See?"
"I guess villains really do have hidden depths when they wanna be. I wonder how well that's working out for Disney lately? Anyway, Sonic finds his old friend Caliburn and later on, Ruby learns what Weiss tried to do and… hoo boy, I've never seen a rose that angry before! So, while Ruby's yelling at Weiss… how's the Mushroom Kingdom doing? Apparently, Kazuya is being Kazuya and not communicating with Peach about anything and Myra gets upset with him, then Viola comes to try to kill Jade but Nyx humiliates her and… oh, Umber and Bowser come over. I wonder what Umber will say to-"
"YOU DISRESPECTFUL NEANDERTHAL! I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT I'M VIOLA SILVERLUNG, THE BEST SCIENTIST OF THE MUSHROOM KI-"
"I don't give a FUCK who you are! You disrespected ME. If you run away like a Wimpod, I'mma hunt you down! I'll rip your lungs out through your asshole, ASSHOLE."
"Mmmph!"
"No one will know who did it! You'll die alone, and I'll watch your funeral from afar LAUGHING MY ASS OFF, YOU HEAR ME?!"
Hades jawdropped in shock.
"DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN!"
"Well! Uh… Umber just got a whole lot cooler in my eyes. Even Yagami agrees!" Hades chuckled. "Oh, and speaking of the other half of JINXY…"
SRS Mini: Patent Pending
"Donkey Kong is up to his old tricks and brings Diddy and Cranky with him! They head off to the toy factory and pretty much delays the inevitable with scalping these toys for profit. The Mario Bros, Myra, Nyx, the twins and MAJC head off to stop the Kongs, and thus they do while saving Pauline from being kidnapped and they discover Donkey Kong could talk all along. Oh, and the scalpers jack up the prices and makes Chiaki cry out in agony! Anyway, let's move on from this Gaiden and-"
Hades blinked.
"Wait a sec, this was an actual story and not a Gaiden? Huh! Well, that's shocking! But hey, I look forward to seeing more short stories at work and seeing people complain about "Oh, this should have been a Gaiden". Love to see it!"
Back at Starfall Islands…
"Oh, is Ruby done yappin' at Weiss? Excellent! Oh look, I forgot to mention that Ratchet and Clank are back too. So they go around with Sonic and Weiss getting more and more corrupted until they are frozen stiff after Nefarious tries to knock them down. Eggman is also out and free after Kyoko talks with him. Ruby and her friends go in to save Weiss and Sonic and… oh, wait, Weiss is actually drowning in her own despair? I was joking about that! She took out a few of her demons and she's still drowning? Come on, at least Pyrrha's getting the help she needs! No one knew about Weiss's inner turmoil until this story? Sheesh! Anyway, Ruby pulls her out and saves her inner doubts and things ought to be looking up… despite The End appearing and-... uh oh, what's this? R3-B7 is out and about AND out of SAPR? I told you sticking your nose where it didn't belong would come to bite you… and now she's back in play! At least SAPR is dealing with her… aaaand she runs off. And now the whole area is being flooded by the last Titan."
"We're in the endgame now..."
"And boy howdy are we in the endgame in this one! Weiss confronts her inner demons once more, then they go to the towers and what do ya know, they have to confront Raven Beak again. See Ghirahim? THIS is how you do a villain! Anyway, once they get the Chaos Emeralds and restore the towers… well… all hell breaks loose because R3-B7 attacks the Egg Fleet, where SAPR goes to confront her! And… well, I never thought I'd say this, but SAPR actually dies after this fight! No, seriously! Nanny boy finally puts his big boy pants on and kills off a main character!"
"Victory!"
BGM: Victory Theme (Team Fortress 2)
"Whoa! What's there to celebrate for?!" Nan wondered.
End BGM
"I finally get a protagonist in the underworld! Took ya long enough! She may be a robot, but she's still got a soul, so let me just-... wait, R3-B7's core is being put into Cyberspace and being guarded by Penny so they can repair her?!"
"Yup!"
"YOU PULLED ONE OVER ME?!"
*The Price is Right Losing Horn Sound Effect*
"I cannot believe I got my hopes up for nothing! You devious DEVIOUS individual! …I am so proud of you!"
Nan sweatdropped. "What?"
"Anyway, The End takes R3-B7's remains and becomes a massive problem for everyone and RWBY and friends go and put a stop to it for SAPR's sake… all the while Shadow and Jade humiliate Fecto one more time! I know the humiliation comes before everyone goes Super, but this sounds more fun! Anyway, The End is defeated, Eggman sides with the heroes, Sage makes new friends, Ruby got rid of her Phazon… it's still a pyrrhic victory, one where everyone is plain exhausted and everyone needs a vacation after that. Luckily, one is coming up where some folks could use one!"
RWBY: The Paldean Treasure
"Nothing like a trip to Paldea to cool down! And it looks like Gloria and her Galarian friends will reunite with some old friends that moved to Paldea! The fashionista known as Alessandra and the historian junkie known as Cian! Hey look, Nemona and Arven are there too! Though, it turns out that Aless and Cian stink at battling, but slowly turn into pros after their fight with Nemona. Huh, battle with the junkie once and you suddenly get better. What's Nemona's secret, I wonder? But in any case-... wait, Umber and Dedede are here too? I've heard rumors that something between Umber and his psychic twin girlfriends is going on and they're getting worried about him. What are you hiding, Lightwave? I'm on to you!"
He chuckled. "Oh well, I'm sure that'll come up eventually. In any case, Aless and Cian make it to the academy, bump into Penny who slowly starts having the hots for Nagisa. And then we have a fashion war between Aless and Clavell. Neat! And then the next day, they go off to do their own thing… and wouldn't ya know it, JNPR and friends arrive!"
JNPR: The Teal Mask
"So while the others go find their treasure and Weiss probably finding her hope again… not to mention that Cinder and her family arrive, JNPR takes a vacation in Kitakami where they have a run in with Carmine and Kieran. Carmine's the head bitch in charge and Kieran's… well, Kieran's a good boy. Surely nothing will happen to him! Oh look, Kieran's having a battle with Ren and he loses! But never mind that, we got a whole area to explore! …While JNPR and co are secretly slapped with airplane bans because of Mahiru's Basarios. Who knew a whole rock monster would weigh down the whole plane?"
He let out a chuckle. "But anyway, they are then tasked to go on a scavenger hunt to discover signboards while discovering Kitakami. JNPR and friends go along with Kieran, they do everything to make him happy, he tells them about this ogre that he's really fond of… a little TOO fond of. Seriously, he's made a shrine and wrote a whole fanfiction about Ogerpon. It's so disturbing that I'm surprised they didn't put this kid in a padded room. Seriously, ever heard of touching grass? Kitakami's full of it! Kids these days don't know how to touch grass… it's not like the grass is sentient and will bite you or anything!"
Hades blinked. "Sentient grass… hey GameFreak, I got an idea for your next Pokemon! Sentient grass blades that will harm anyone who steps on or touches it! Give it the Ghost/Dark typing and you got yourself a million yen on your laps! You're welcome!"
"...What?" Both Nan and Ibuki said in deadpan unison.
"Anyway, moving on. They do two signboards but then go off to the Mask festival where Carmine suddenly does a one eighty on her attitude the moment Ogerpon shows up and shoos Kieran away. At the same time, Pyrrha and Jaune are out camping with Perrin and Mahiru when they discover a Bloodmoon Ursaluna that Pyrrha catches for herself! The next morning, a small smile starts to form in Pyrrha's face and then they head back to Carmine's where she tells all about her past. Don't worry, Carmine, I got a special place for your parents when they keel over! Of course, they're gonna be a floor above Dark Samus and Dark Ruby, but they'll be down there for sure and witness our torment on Dark Ruby! Hahahaha! I heard her data self got turned into a Goomba in the Starfall Islands!"
"If you're not watching the Super Mario Bros Super Show, you're gonna turn into a GOOMBA!"
"Methinks someone didn't watch the show. For shame, Dark Ruby! Anyway, they're forced to keep a secret from Kieran that no one wants to keep, but Kieran overhears it. Say it with me folks… DRAAAAMAAAAA~! Anyway, they run into Kieran again and go find the last signpost while the siblings' grandfather fixes Ogerpon's mask. Kieran's mentality starts to take a nose dive after his battle with Ren and then he runs off. Carmine then calls them over and they're tasked to find a crystal at the top of the mountain… surprise! A Milotic fights them, but is quickly defeated. They get a Tera Crystal out of the pool and… uh oh, what's this? It seems as if Kieran stole the mask! Oh, if ONLY they kept an eye on him after that fight, or better yet, if ONLY they told him the truth right away then none of the drama would happen! Kids today and their secrets…"
He chuckled. "So, they confront Kieran only to have yet another Pokemon battle… seriously, this kid really wants to win against Ren, it's getting really unhealthy! But his misery brings me joy, so it evens out. Anyway, Ren wins, Kieran starts to lose it, and wakes up the Loyal Three… honestly, they should be loyal to me, just saying! But they go after the three, to which I am surprised that one of them lived when they destroyed Erza's strawberry shortcake. Talk about a death wish! I almost had a Pokemon in here. I would have trained it to torment Dark Ruby~ Erza, you had one job! Shame on you! Bah, can't win 'em all, I'm afraid."
"No, you can't." Nan snickered.
"Anyway, they save Ogerpon and go clobber the Loyal Three, and then Kieran has one last fight with Ren. Spoiler alert, the kid with mental issues falls apart at the end. Ren gets Ogerpon, Carmine gets yelled at by her sister… oh, and Pyrrha is back to her old self again! …Almost, she's still not willing to fight yet, but hey, she's back! Oh, and she and her Pokemon help cheer Carmine up. She calls up Blueberry Academy for some time off, Kieran runs back to Blueberry and Mewtwo shows up to take them back to Paldea… because I think he wants to investigate the Paradox Pokemon or something. And Hiyoko runs away on her own Pokemon journey while Kieran starts his villain arc. Too bad we don't get to see it yet. Anyway, back to Paldea! …Oh, wait, we're already there."
Back with Aless and Co…
"So, it turns out that Aless and Cian are hiding something. Their pup ran away from home during a violent stor-... wait a minute… a dog runs away from home plot point? Nanny boy, you made something so diabolical as having a pet run away and disappear for years? I didn't know you had it in you, especially considering you're a dog lover!"
"Writing that scene was pure torture… it was too sad." Nan mumbled. "Why did I write something so sad?! Everyone loves dogs!"
"Except for crazy cat ladies!" Hades chuckled. "I can't wait for you to cry like a baby when Balto reunites with his family. I'm sure that chapter will be delayed indefinitely while you flood the entire world with your tears~"
"The entire world?" Nan raised an eyebrow.
"You're right, that's too much. Your house then! Hope you got flood insurance, I'm sure they have coverage for tears."
"Mmmph… tear up one time writing that scene and he never lets you forget about it…" Nan grumbled.
"There there." Ibuki patted him on the back.
"He makes this so easy~ Anywho, Balto runs away from home and Alessandra keeps it into her chest for several years until she releases the floodgates during a small argument between her and Gloria. The next morning, Alessandra confides to everyone about her and Cian's struggles with Balto. Everyone gives them a hug, even Nemona! Oh, and apparently Iono holds a secret that she's not who she says she is! That certainly broke Kotoko, that's for sure! Anyway, Aless and company get a few gym badges, they reunite with JNPR and friends minus one, Alessandra fought Bede and Hop and… oh dear, is this another end of the world story? Because it seems like it's another end of the world story with that giant laser firing into the sky! …Oh, that's just a Ruinous Pokemon being freed because some hex witch stored them away after a greedy king woke 'em up in Momotaro and Ogerpon's time? Shoot, I was hoping for another apocalypse."
"Only you…" Nan deadpanned.
"Only me~! Anyway, they get the first Ruinous Pokemon, Raifort explains her backstory to Mewtwo and they all go back to their adventures… and it also looks like Weiss' hope is slowly coming back. Interesting, just say "My friends are my treasure" and Weiss starts to have heart palpitations. Neat! So anyway, Aless and friends go battle more gym leaders, they fight a Heartless Magikarp, Carmine encounters Nemona and starts crushing on her hard, Hop and Aless are slowly falling for each other, Gloria's Primeape evolves into Annihilape, Arven becomes close friends with Cinder and co, Aless fights Marnie and… oh! Oh my, it seems as if Umber is about to open up on why he's avoiding his girlfriends! Oh look, Xena and Hapi are there too. Let's see why Umber is so upset!"
"It… it's… It's about how I acted in the New World… tricking them and everyone else into thinking I was under Fecto's influence. I should've told them, but I was stupid and decided to have a bit of fun with the charade Fecto forced us into before waiting for a moment to join everyone. I thought it'd be fun to rub that in Fecto's face before we reunited, maybe at least take him a few pegs down and… Also free you… but I should have thought about Xena and Yagami, the pain I put them through after it was said and done wasn't worth it... it broke my heart, it's STILL breaking my heart when I think about it… Because of that, it's… just been heavily on my mind for a while now. I can't stop playing the scene in my head where… I've made them cry. It's… it's tearing me apart, honestly. I feel like a horrible boyfriend because of it!"
"Umber…"
"I just… I can't go on hurting them anymore. It's… why I'm torn on this… It's… why I'm considering breaking up with them."
"Breaking up with them?! Goodness me, I see we're turning into a soap opera! …Or at least we would but Strange and Dedede talk him out of it while Strange prevents Xena from leaving. The love birds reconcile and now we're back to good fun as Aless gets a few more gym badges, meets her idol, Cian gets the rest of the ruinous Pokemon, Ruby and friends knocks off Team Star, Penny is outed as Cassiopeia, Cinder's Charizard finally lets go of his grudge against humanity, all in good fun!"
He grinned. "So now we're at the end of this recap. Aless fights Arven and Ruby, Weiss gets her hope back after fighting Penny… or at least, most of it. Wonder when the final piece will show up? They head off to the league where it seems like Hiyoko proceeded to beat the league before everyone else got there! But before we wrap it up… oh Narrator Hades~! What's going on in the realm of What If?"
Meanwhile…
"I'm so glad you asked, my dashing counterpart! Where we last left off was when Ruby fought Sapphire. So let's break down the rest of the What Ifs that have happened!"
BGM: Going Somewhere - Mario Party 2 (Mario Party Superstars)
Someone Else Went Instead?
"Ever wondered what would have happened if JNPR went to the Mushroom Kingdom instead? Wonder no more because they speed run through this really quick too!"
Dark Ruby Had a Vision?
"Who knew that if you had a vision of yourself dying, you mellow out and go on the path to the light side? And it was Dark Ruby having the vision no less? Surprisingly not controversial like I thought it'd be! That said, Dark Weiss descends into madness."
Iris Catches a Pokemon?
"April Fools! She releases it as soon as she catches it."
Xena Was Shot Somewhere Else?
"So what happens when Xena gets shot off to Atlas? Esdeath becomes a mother, and even Yagami is better off this way!"
Ruby and Peach Swapped Bodies?
"Freaky Friday, but it's permanent! On the plus side, Ruby and Pit get married… though Ruby is in Peach's body. Perhaps Pitty Pat has a royalty kink? Ooooh, definitely gonna have to tease him about that!"
Summer Never Returned?
"So what happens when I hit frappe on Summer's soul? Nothing good ever happens! The whole universe falls apart. Sure, Ruby is saved from her Phazon trance, buuuuut… her soul gets taken away by the Devil and Byleth dies. Nothing but a tragic comedy on my end!"
Ruby Gave Up Her Phazon?
"So let's say Ruby gets rid of her Phazon early on after Ridley is defeated. What happens? …Well, apparently Ruby gets herself a Keyblade and is buds with Batman."
"WAIT a second! Are you saying that if Ruby got rid of her Phazon immediately after the war in the prime universe, she could've gotten a Keyblade after passing the test?"
"Pretty much."
"No wonder Samus was upset, we could've had Ruby wielding a Keyblade and be best Keyblade buds with Umber and Sora!"
*The Price is Right Losing Horns Sound Effect*
"Ruby could've styled on Dark Ruby some more too! Shame on you, Rubes! Shame!"
"Indeed! Anyway, where was I?"
Samus Kicked Hades' Butt?
"Aaaand I get my butt kicked by an angry Samus and her team. On the flipside… SURPRISE! I'm Sabrinaverse Hades! And I think the whole fanbase's brains imploded from lore overdose. Extra bonus!"
Chiaki Sent to Hyrule?
"Oh… we're at THAT one." Narrator Hades groaned. "She would've stayed in Hyrule for the rest of her days if it wasn't for that meddling Hero's Shade! Yes, that's right… he's the reason Twilight Chiaki is the way that she is! He even warned her about the Triforce corrupting her, but he should've done more! Anyway, let's get out of here."
Yang Was a Half-Genie?
"So what happens when you give Yang the Shantae gene? You make her sexier than usual and kick butt, that's what! Oh yeah, and Shantae is her sister here. I guess Shantae's the Ruby in this world or something. Neat."
Bereto was Sothis' Vessel?
"So what happens when Sothis chooses Bereto instead? Well, he's a better therapist for one and has a friendly relationship with Shez! That being said, he dies in the end… but it looks like Byleth gets into a relationship with Taiyang of all people? Interesting!"
Chiaki Confronted Twilight Chiaki?
"Nope, we are skipping this one! Next!"
Cinder Ran Off?
"What? You mean to tell me that if Cinder had proper help, she WOULDN'T turn into a psychopathic killer and she'd be a more likable character? Perish the thought! We can't have that here! RoosterTeeth would fall into bankruptcy if that were to happen! …Too soon?"
Ghetsis Had Help?
"Oo hee hoo hoo ha! Not Clayton! Ooo hee hoo hoo ha! Not Clayton!"
"YES CLAYTON! And he kills Ghetsis too! Should've done a background check on him, lettuce boy! At least he's probably throttling him in hell after his death~"
Dry Bowser Fought a Different Captain?
"So let me get this straight. Louie loses because of his voracious appetite but Olimar wins and turns him into Pikmin seeds because he isn't hungry? And people say Louie's the gremlin… it's Olimar you should be worried about!"
Turned Into Something Else?
"Oh? Your Ruby Rose is evolving! Congratulations! Your Ruby Rose has evolved into a Zorua! And everyone else turns into Pokemon in a Mystery Dungeon setting! How neat!"
Maki Assassinated Jacques?
"Anyone up for a montage of Maki assassinating Jacques? Glad you asked! Here's a montage of Maki killing him over and over again!"
Cinder Ran Off (Part 2)
"Oh look, more of protagonist Cinder! Tessa is the antagonist here, but she loses and Cinder looks forward to the future after the universal reset. A heroic Cinder… who would've thunk."
Yang Touched the Chaos Heart?
"Hey look, a universe where Chaos Ruby gets a break! Yang sacrifices herself, but purifies the Chaos Heart and sticks it to Dimentio! Calls herself Harmonic Yang. Victory for Paper Ruby!"
Weiss Dated Dimitri?
"So what happens when Weiss crushes on Dimitri? Apparently, for starters, he mellows out during his rampage at Garreg Mach. Wait a moment, so Dimitri DOESN'T turn into an edgelord if he found love early on? Someone tell Intelligent Systems that and tell them to stop being allergic to happy endings for their protags!"
Twilight Chiaki Lost?
"She lost, but everyone STILL loses… NEXT!"
Ridley Took Samus and Chell?
"So what happens when Ridley grows a heart and takes Samus and Chell? Does he become fatherly toward them? In a way, he does! …But now Samus and Chell are the most dangerous femme fatales in the galaxy and betrays Ridley in the end. He's not upset about it. Buuuuut now the universe is at the duo's mercy because, news flash, they're evil now. Honestly, I'd rather have these two be the main focus compared to a certain SOMEONE, but what can you do?"
Kokoro Born In Towa City?
"So what happens when you have the meekest Faunus in the Warriors of Hope and put her in Danganronpa? She becomes a Monokuma kid! But luckily Komaru and Toko get her out and go on an adventure while also knocking out Masaru and Jataro. Also, her mother is here too."
Started an Uprising?
"So what happens when Warner Bros shuts down RoosterTeeth? This What If happens! The folks at WB start a civil war while the Phantom Thieves take care of Kaneshiro again!"
Paper Mario and Jumanji Combined?
"Take Thousand Year Door and Jumanji, put them into a blender and then watch the chaos unfold as Makoto and Futaba play the game casually while things happen in the Mushroom Kingdom!"
"...Ya know, I feel like there should be more." Hades said.
"Ah, What If it is currently taking a break because of that new story Nanny Boy's working on. The Legend of Ruby: Breath of the Wild and Tears of the Kingdom."
"Ah yes, the duology that's making one individual pull their hair off while Nanny Boy ignores them!"
"I'm gonna make his mind melt even harder. It's not even part of SRS! It's a whole different unrelated thing that I'm reading on my time off!
"Hope he enjoys the mind melting! Anyway, I'll take things over from here."
"You do that!"
End BGM
Back in the prime universe…
"So here we are. Paldean Treasure is still ongoing. What If is taking a break, PSA is pretty much dead at this point-"
"Quit tellin' everyone I'm dead!"
"Sometimes I still hear its voice as it tries to revive itself with a chapter or two."
BGM: NFL Theme
"And this concludes the recap! Will Alessandra beat the Elite Four and Gloria? Will she reunite with her lost pup? Will Kieran continue his off-screen villain arc and take Ren down? Will Carmine confess to Nemona? Will Celeste finally get out of her fantasy world and get evicted? Will Dracula be threatening again? Will Stanford Pines continue his journal entries? Will Deadpool make more friends? And will Twilight Chiaki eventually and HOPEFULLY croak? Only time may tell!"
Hades grinned. "But before I go… Nanny Boy! You decided to have this recap finished on your birthday! And today is your twenty-eighth birthday, correct?"
"Yes."
"Well, allow me to sing you a very popular song! Ahem!"
"Uh oh…"
"Happy despair day to yooooou~! Happy despair day to yooooouuuu~!"
"DESPAIR DAY?!"
"Happy despair day to Naaaaaaan~! Happy despair day to yoooooooooouuuuuuuu~!"
"Why despair day?!"
"Just because it's your birthday does not mean "Pick on Nan day" takes a holiday! It's twenty four seven, three hundred and sixty five days a year for a reason! Three hundred and sixty six on leap years, of course."
"Oh joy…"
"Anyway, this is Hades signing off! Until next time!"
End BGM
"Don't worry, Nan-chan! Ibuki thinks you'll have a wonderful birthday regardless~"
"Thanks Ibuki." Nan smiled.
"Hmhmhmhm~" Deadpool hummed as he walked by, looking like a teenager and having a plate full of chimichangas. "Happy birthday, Nan!"
"WHOA! Deadpool, how are you so young?!"
"I found the fountain of youth!"
"That was just Palutena trying to get rid of you!"
"Jokes on her, I get free chimichangas for life!"
Deadpool walked off with a hum.
Ibuki looked at Nan in bewilderment. "Uh… that's… reversible, right?"
"...I hope so!"
Three hundred Gaidens! Holy crap... anyway, yes, today's my 28th birthday! I haven't opened my presents yet, but I'll keep you updated on what I get! ...In the meantime, we need to figure out how to bring Deadpool back to his adult self.
Ibuki: Let's go find a way to get him back to himself!