Chapter 26: Goodbyes

I stood in the clearing after the Volturi left, numb with fear and my mind reeling after the encounter with them.

They knew.

Jane had completely seen through our attempts at explaining my involvement with the Cullens. Our feeble attempt at an excuse as to why I was there had been in vain—she'd known we were lying.

Jane and Demetri had known something was up as soon as they'd laid eyes on me. The way Demetri had refused to take his eyes off of me was burned into my mind and I felt my stomach turn.

And then there was the situation with Paul. Jane knew that it was bizarre for a wolf to jump to defend a vampire—she'd known that there was more going on than what we'd told her.

"Are you okay?" Esme asked, appearing next to me and putting a hand on my shoulder.

"No."

"They're gone now," Esme assured me. "Alice said that they're well on their way back to Italy."

"That doesn't mean they won't come back," I whispered.

"They're not making any plans to come back yet," Alice said, appearing at my other shoulder.

"Where's Edward?" I asked. I needed to know what they'd been thinking about when they'd been here. He could tell me precisely what I needed to know about that encounter.

"He's gone to take Bella home and then he's going to head to La Push to help Carlisle tend to the pack," Alice said.

I closed my eyes as the image of Paul's wolf-form crumpling in pain shot through my head again. He'd seemed fine when he'd left the clearing to join the rest of the pack, but there was no way for me to be sure if he was actually okay or not.

I knew that I should've gone straight to his apartment to make sure he was actually fine, but I couldn't face him yet.

I already knew what I had to do.

I'd dreaded this day coming basically since I'd arrived in Forks. I'd known that at some point the Volturi would show up and everything would be ruined.

I'd just hoped that I'd have a little more time here—a little more time with him.

Alice shifted slightly next to me and I was sure that it was because she'd seen my plans solidifying for my future. I didn't want to get into it with her, so before she could say anything, I excused myself.

"If you guys don't mind, I'd like to be alone for a little bit," I said, voice hollow.

"Of course," Esme said, squeezing my shoulder.

I glanced at Alice, who gave me a worried look, before I shot off on my own through the woods.

I ended up where I tended to go when I was upset: The Olympic National Park.

Memories from my first time here flooded into my brain, reminding me of one of the happiest days of my life and one of my first dates with Paul.

My heart throbbed as I thought of him.

I'd never expected to find love like this when I'd arrived in Washington. I never thought I'd be able to love someone as much as I loved Paul, and now it was being ripped away from me.

I was already beginning to feel empty and numb.

But…at the same time, I was angry. Rage burned through my veins as I thought about the situation at hand and I began uprooting trees and snapping tree trunks in half. I tore apart a huge area of the forest, basically creating a new clearing in my anger.

I sank onto the ground, holding my head in my hands and feeling like shit. I wished that I could say that my outburst made me feel better, but it only made me feel worse. Images of Paul's lifeless corpse at my feet kept flashing through my mind, making dread creep up my spine.

"There's still a few trees over there that you didn't get to," said a velvety voice from the edge of the clearing I'd made.

I raised my head to see Edward standing a few feet away from me. "Back there with the Volturi…what were they thinking?"

He approached me and sat down on the ground next to me. "They were all being incredibly careful with their thoughts because they know about my gift."

"But some things slipped through?"

He nodded. "Jane knew something was up; I could see her mentally putting the pieces together but she knew she couldn't argue with our reasoning. Aro instructed them to stay respectful and to try not to ruffle too many feathers."

"But that was before he knew that I was here," I whispered.

"Exactly," he said. "Seeing you shocked each of them—especially Jane and Demetri."

"Aro hasn't sent Demetri after me in years," I said bitterly. "I'm sure he's been itching for a chance to hunt me down again and now that they know where I am…" I trailed off and took a deep breath, bracing myself to ask the question that I'd been dreading. "What were they thinking when Paul jumped between us?"

"They were ready to attack him," he said, confirming my worst fear. "I have no doubt in my mind that if Jasper hadn't used his power and I hadn't talked our way out of it, they would have—"

"If you value my sanity, you will not finish that sentence," I said, cutting him off.

"Sorry."

"Thank you, though," I said. "You barely missed a beat when you spoke to them about him and why he jumped between us. You…you saved his life and I'm grateful for that."

"And I can see what you've decided to do to try and save him too," he noted.

"I don't have a choice," I said. "We told them that I was just passing through so if they come back and I'm still here, they'll use it against me and go after him to get to me."

"I understand that."

"You do?"

"I don't know if Alice has told you, but earlier this year, Bella got hurt and it was my fault," he said. "We ended up leaving Forks and it nearly destroyed her."

"I know that he won't take this well," I mumbled. "But it's better than losing him for good. He isn't safe as long as I'm here. I can't risk another close call like that. I already know that Jane didn't believe us earlier, it's just a matter of time before they come back."

"My family will be upset as well," he said quietly. "We all care about you."

I closed my eyes and thought of everyone else I'd be leaving behind. The faces of the Cullen family, Emily, Sue, Leah, and Seth all shot through my mind making my stomach turn. I knew that I wouldn't even be able to say goodbye to Emily and the Clearwaters and it made my heart ache.

I thought of Leah and how we'd bonded over our immortality together, I'd seen her as a true friend and I knew how much it would hurt her when I was gone.

And of course…the thought of Sue's reaction to my departure made my heart ache. She'd been nothing but kind to me every time I'd seen her and she'd treated me like I was one of her own children.

Edward was quiet for a few moments and then very quietly said, "Everyone is already back at the house, if you'd like to say your goodbyes." I nodded tightly and he stood from the ground. "I'm going to make sure Bella is okay, so…I guess this is goodbye."

"Goodbye, Edward," I said, forcing the words out. "Thank you for everything this past month."

"Good luck, Natalie," he said. "I hope to see you again."

He shot out of the clearing to head back into Forks and I stayed in the clearing for an extra ten minutes before pulling myself off the ground and running in the direction of the Cullens' house. As I approached the huge white house, I felt my stomach turn anxiously. I climbed the steps of the porch and went inside.

It was strange how normal everything felt in the house. Jasper and Emmett were sitting in the living room, watching a football game. I could hear Rosalie in the garage working on one of the many cars parked inside and I could hear Esme and Carlisle discussing a new paint colour for Carlisle's office.

It was strange to think that the entire household was just going about their day when it felt like my entire world was crumbling down around me.

"Hey, Nat, wanna watch the game with us?" Emmett asked. "We're betting on how many times a player gets injured."

"No thanks," I mumbled, avoiding eye contact and rushing up the stairs to my room. I opened the door and was greeted by Alice sitting on my bed, my duffel bag next to her.

"I hope you don't mind…I packed for you," she said quietly.

"Alice…"

"I saw what you were planning on taking with you and figured I'd help you out a little bit," she said, avoiding meeting my eyes.

"I'm sorry," I said.

"You don't have to do this," she said. "I can keep a watchful eye on them and tell you when they're planning on coming here."

"I appreciate that," I said. "But…even you've admitted that sometimes things slip through. What if that happens next time they decide to show up?"

She sighed. "I just…I don't want you to go."

"I don't want to go either," I said. "But…I have to. I have to keep him safe and that can't happen while I'm here."

"You don't have to do anything," Esme said, appearing in the doorway of my room. I turned and hesitantly met her eyes, finding it difficult to look at the sadness swimming in them. "We can provide you with more protection than you'll have on your own and we would protect Paul for you."

Hearing Esme say his name made my heart ache. How was I supposed to end things with Paul? How was I supposed to say goodbye to him?

"I can't allow you to put yourselves at risk for me," I said. "I appreciate the offer, Esme, I really do, but it won't work. They're too powerful."

She sent a sad smile my way and enveloped me in her arms, holding me tight against her. The way she held me reminded me of the way it felt when Sue had held me and I felt my throat tighten slightly. I already felt like I was coming apart and I hadn't even gotten to the hardest goodbye yet.

"If you ever decide to come back…you know that you're welcome here," she said, squeezing my shoulder.

I nodded and tried for a smile. "Thank you, Esme, you've been nothing but kind to me while I've been here."

She hugged me once more and exited my room. Alice stood from the bed and handed me my duffel bag. "Keep in touch, okay?"

I nodded. "I will."

"And if you ever need anything, don't hesitate to reach out," she said firmly.

"Of course," I said. "And if you see that the Volturi are making any moves…"

"You'll be the first person I call," she promised. She pulled me into a tight hug. "Be careful, okay?"

"You too," I said.

She looked like she was going to say more, but decided against it. She gave me a small smile and exited my room. I felt a sharp pang in my chest, knowing that that could have been the last time I would ever see her.

I heaved my bag over my shoulder and took a deep breath, bracing myself to say goodbye to the rest of the Cullen family. Before I went downstairs, I scrawled out a note for Jared, telling him everything and explaining the real reason for my departure and begging him to take care of Paul in my absence.

I stepped out of my room and descended the stairs, immediately greeted by Carlisle, Emmett, Jasper, and Rosalie in the foyer.

Each of them looked upset as their eyes fell on me.

"Is there anything we can do to make your change your mind?" Rosalie asked tightly.

I shook my head. "I wish there was another way…I wish I didn't have to do this."

I gave each of the remaining Cullens a tight hug and said my final goodbyes to them, heart aching as I did it. I stepped out of the Cullens' house and glanced back at it memorizing every detail of the beautiful house on the river.

I stood there for a few moments before taking a deep breath and starting the walk to La Push. I took my time as I walked, bracing myself for the conversation that I was about to have. If I'd thought saying goodbye to the Cullens was difficult, Paul was going to be so much worse. I'd have to act like I'd fallen out of love with him and I would be breaking his heart in the process.

All too soon, I arrived at his apartment.

I climbed up the fire escape and placed my bag on it. If I entered the apartment with my bag, he'd immediately know that something was wrong. The cowardly part of me wanted to have a few more precious moments with him before I completely destroyed everything that we'd built together.

I descended the fire escape and stared up at the building looming over me, feeling my stomach twisting with dread. I took a deep breath and entered the apartment building, knowing that I'd be leaving my heart here when I left.