Chapter 38: Unconscious Selection

As I approached the Cullens' house, I was surprised to see that Jacob was standing on the front porch, having an intense conversation with Carlisle, Edward, and Emmett.

"You don't understand—he's getting ready to attack," Jacob insisted. "He doesn't care if he hurts Bella—his focus is eliminating a target."

"We can take him," Emmett said.

"He's getting the whole pack together—all of them," Jacob said. "You won't be able to take them all on your own. Trust me. He's out for blood."

"Jacob's right," I said. "We won't be able to go head to head with the entire pack. We'd suffer too much loss—loss that we can't afford. Especially not right now when everyone's in a weakened state."

I met Edward's pitch black eyes and painfully replayed the conversation with Paul in my head so that he could see what happened. I watched as the clarity formed in Edward's eyes and the realization dawned on him that Jacob and I were right—we wouldn't be able to stop them.

"Edward?" Carlisle asked.

Edward's eyes snapped up to Carlisle's. "They're right. We won't be able to take them on. Not like this—we're all weakened from not feeding, our guard is down, and half of us would have to stay inside to protect Bella in case they get through. They…they'd slaughter us."

"What do we do?" Carlisle asked.

"Let me help," Jacob practically begged. "I've taken my place as rightful alpha—if I'm stationed here they can't come here. It's pack law and it's more binding than the treaty."

"Are you sure you can do this on your own?" Carlisle asked.

"He won't be alone."

I turned and was stunned to see Leah emerging from the woods. She breezed past me and stood next to Jacob on the porch.

"No—" Jacob started to protest.

"Don't start, Jacob," she snapped. "I'm with you."

Jacob scowled but didn't say anything. I knew he wasn't happy and I was sure he'd try to convince Leah to go back to La Push the first chance he got.

"Thank you, Leah," Carlisle said. "We appreciate it."

Leah scowled slightly but didn't say anything to Carlisle. She just nodded at him and turned back to Jacob, waiting for him to say more.

"Nat, did Paul give you any indication of a timeline?" Jacob asked.

I shook my head. "Sam called while I was there, but he didn't answer. I have no idea what they're planning."

"Well, the plus side is that they don't know we're here yet," Jacob said, turning to Leah. "If they try to attack they'll be forced to stop."

"What if they don't care?" Emmett asked.

"Sam knows better," Jacob said immediately. "There are very few laws for our kind—you can't hurt an imprint and you can't cross into another pack's territory. He could be executed for that."

An uncomfortable silence fell over the six of us. I looked at Carlisle and saw that he looked dismayed—he would never want it to come to that.

"And we have both of those laws on our side," Emmett said, looking at me. "You…you are with us, aren't you Nat?"

Everyone turned to me and I felt my stomach clench. I met each of their eyes—seeing the desperation in Carlisle and Edward's, the excited fire in Emmett's, the ice in Leah's, right back to desperation in Jacob's.

"I'm here, aren't I?" I asked, unable to keep the bitterness out of my voice.

I glanced at Leah and saw her features soften slightly, but as soon as she noticed I was looking at her, they hardened again. I wanted more than anything to talk to her—to make things right with her so that we could try to rebuild the friendship we'd once shared.

"I'm here too!" called a voice from the tree-line.

I turned to see Seth emerging from the woods, out of breath and looking exhilarated.

"Seth, no!" Leah and Jacob said at the same time.

Leah stormed down the steps of the Cullens' house and made a beeline for Seth. "Go back home, you shouldn't be here."

"I can't," Seth said. "Sam called us all to have a meeting about…about this. I can't stand with him—not with this."

My heart ached at his words, remembering how strongly Paul had been for the attack. Yet, here was sweet Seth Clearwater, who I was sure understood the potential danger this child could cause, but was willing to stand on the side of the Cullens—the side that couldn't allow a human casualty because of a potential threat.

"Sam's ordered all of them to stand with him," Seth continued. "Alpha's orders—they can't go against him unless they leave the pack."

"He can't do that!" I said, anger flaring. "He's not even letting them have a choice?!"

"Sadly, he can do that," Jacob said. "He knows how difficult it'll be for everyone to break away. It takes a lot to do that mentally. Seth, no offence, but I don't know how you did it."

Seth grinned. "I'm just that good."

Leah rolled her eyes but didn't say anything—as much as she didn't want Seth to be in any danger because of this, she knew that he was doing the right thing and couldn't fault him for that.

And…it gave me some perspective on Paul's side of things. There was a tiny part of me that hoped he felt the same way that I did but couldn't change his stance. His involuntary loyalty to the pack was too strong for him to break away from. He'd been the third member to join the pack—perhaps he had a stronger connection to it than Seth, Leah, and Jacob did because of his longevity.

Or maybe…he fully agreed with Sam. The child was a threat that needed to be neutralized no matter the cost.

Edward met my eyes and sent a small smile my way, trying to comfort me in the smallest way he could.

Thank you, I thought, meeting his eyes.

"Where do we go from here?" Carlisle asked.

"You guys just focus on keeping Bella safe," Jacob said. "Leah, Seth, and I will guard the perimeter of the house."

"Are you sure?" Carlisle asked. "We'd be more than happy to aid you out here as well."

"Trust me, it's better if it's just us three," Jacob said. "No offence, but you guys would just get in our way."

A smile quirked at Carlisle's lips. "None taken. Let's let them work and plan."

Carlisle, Edward, and Emmett went into the house, but I stayed outside and turned to the wolves. "I know you said that you don't need our help, but I'm a bit…closer to the pack than they are. If there's any way at all that I can help you, please don't hesitate to let me know."

Leah pursed her lips and looked away from me while Jacob sent a small smile my way. "We'll let you know, Nat. We appreciate it."

An awkward silence hung over us and Jacob glanced between Leah and me, clearly putting the pieces together as to why things were suddenly so tense. I took a deep breath, bracing myself for the rejection I was sure to get after saying my next words.

"Leah…can we talk?"

She stiffened slightly and turned her steely gaze towards me. I couldn't read the expression on her face, but I was sure she was about to snap at me for speaking to her. She paused for a few moments, seeming to try to decide what to say to me before sighing heavily.

"Fine."

Seth looked between us, the discomfort clear on his face. Jacob grabbed his arm and muttered something about patrolling the perimeter with him before the two of them jogged off into the line of trees. Leah watched them go, almost looking like she wanted to run after them.

"What do you want?" she asked, finally turning her eyes back to mine.

"I want to apologize to you," I began, walking towards the Cullens' front porch and sitting on the steps. She didn't follow. "And I want to thank you."

"Thank me?" she sneered. "Thank me for what?"

"Emily told me how protective you were of him while I was gone," I said. "You…you took care of him."

"Well someone had to," she said bitterly, crossing her arms across her chest.

"Leah, I'm so sorry," I said. "I know you probably won't be able to forgive me but I just…I had to tell you how sorry I am. I can only imagine how betrayed you feel by me and how upsetting that must have been for you as well…especially because I couldn't explain why I left."

"Why did you leave?" she demanded.

"You don't know?" I asked, surprised. I'd assumed when she'd patrolled with Paul or Jared that she would've heard it in their minds.

She shook her head. "I try not to listen in on their thoughts when we're running. Especially Paul's while you were gone—he deserved his privacy."

"I left to protect him," I said. "After the newborn battle we had a visit from the vampire police and they…they want me to join them. They went as far as torturing my ex-boyfriend to try and get to me. During their visit this time, Paul jumped between them and me to protect me from them and they noticed.

"I didn't want them to try and use him as leverage to get me to join them," I continued. "My ex-boyfriend was also a vampire so they'd be more hesitant to kill him, but they wouldn't even flinch at…at killing Paul." I paused and took a deep breath. "I couldn't tell him this either—if I did, I know he would've laughed off my concerns and told me he could handle them. That's why I…I had to break it off with him. I thought I was protecting him but I didn't realize how close he was to hurting himself because of what I did and I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive myself for that."

She was quiet as she mulled over what I said. I noticed her features soften the slightest bit, but she still looked incredibly guarded.

"But now you're here," she pointed out. "Instead of with him. Why?"

"I can't let them kill Bella," I said simply. "Sam doesn't seem to want to hear any reasoning surrounding this and it feels like he'll stop at nothing to get to her. I can't let that happen. I won't."

"Why though?" Leah asked curiously, uncrossing her arms. "I'm not challenging you, I just want to know why you've taken this stance. You only just met the Cullens and Bella and you're basically putting your life on the line to protect them."

I was quiet for a few moments, debating with myself on whether or not I should share my deepest secret. The secret that I'd held on to for so many years and had really only planned on eventually sharing with Paul.

I took a deep breath. "I'm going to tell you something that I've never told anybody—not even Paul."

She furrowed her brow at me and hesitated before saying a very quiet, "Okay."

I took another deep breath and told Leah my story, painfully reliving my entire past for the first time since I'd awoken from my transformation.