Chapter Eight: Painful Memories

Gods… how did it come to this?

Crane had no idea how long he'd been going on like this. All around him there was only the sand sea of the Gobi Desert, and even though it was deep into the night, the dry air made breathing difficult. On the horizon he saw the desert opened into a more vegetated steppe, but getting there before his already weakened body gave out seemed unlikely; the fact that he was dragging two unconscious mammals behind him made this vastly more difficult.

The strides he was taking were an awkward combination of lunges and short, pained bursts of flight. The soreness from his injury came at him especially badly when he tried to flap his maimed right wing. Holding on to Po's paw with one leg and planting into the sand below with the other, he could only manage to move a few feet at a time. With Tigress stacked atop him, Po's comatose body was leaving a deep impression in the sand that crisscrossed over the dunes as far back as Crane could see.

For the first time the thought crossed his mind that his friends might be dead. He hadn't seen either one of them so much as twitch.

If they truly are dead… there would be no point in dragging them, right? It would be so much less painful…

It was a tempting notion.

No! I have to believe they're not dead!

He was a warrior after all, and he wasn't about to give up now.

He thought about how he had gotten into this predicament; it had been a betrayal of some kind, obviously. But who had orchestrated it? The Lord of Xiangyang? The Qi-Dan King that Tigress had provoked? The Mongolian that had injured his wing? He supposed it mattered little now. Chances of survival seemed slim, and he reckoned they should have been dead already, anyway. The giant condors that had flown them out of Xiangyang and into the northern deserts had dropped them from an un-survivable height, and he hadn't gotten his full consciousness back until the three of them had fallen halfway to their deaths.

Somehow, he had managed to grab his companions and flap his one good wing just enough to keep the impact from turning them into red mud. Po had just bounced right off the sand, and it made Crane wonder if he should have even bothered carrying him to the ground, as the panda was pretty much impervious to blunt-force damage. Tigress, on the other wing, had landed particularly gracelessly. He knew that cats always landed on their paws, but he had learned the rule didn't apply when they were out cold; something in her had made a loud cracking noise when she hit the ground, and he could only pray it hadn't been her neck. If that was the case, even if he survived this mess, Shifu was going to kill him anyway.

He had been doing this so long he didn't even have to tell his body what to do anymore; the rhythm of his near-identical lunges became a natural music to his limbs. Thinking in the present was hurting too much because of his freshly acquired concussion, so his mind drifted to the past… to Mei Ling. Who else could he think of when about to meet his death? He had so many regrets. All he could think of was the day five years before when he had last seen her…

It had been something of a slow day at the Jade Palace, but that was normal as this was before a certain panda had been proclaimed the Dragon Warrior. Crane was just retiring from a long day of intense training with the Five aimed at developing better deflective strategies; this had - predictably - gone very well for him, as his style of Kung Fu was built around these techniques. In an unusual turn of events, Master Shifu had given the warriors the rest of the day off, so Crane had elected to go into town alone. It was almost winter in the Valley of Peace.

As he strolled through the merchant's quarter, in search of clothing more appropriate for the coming cold months, he heard a familiar noise that he couldn't place at first. As he tried to locate the musical sound, he discovered it was someone humming a traditional folk tune… he'd heard that voice before. Working his way through the crowd, his previous shopping completely forgotten, he did his best to close the distance on whoever was humming a beautiful Xintianyou lullaby. After nudging a couple of haggling goats aside, he saw, but refused to believe, who the source of the song was.

It was her; the girl that possessed his memory and dreams alike. She still hadn't seen him yet, and was playfully inspecting some clay pottery with the Furious Five's likeness painted on them, paying special attention to the one that featured himself.

At once it had seemed too good to be true. Mei Ling… Crane hadn't seen her since that fateful day when a young tiger had burst into Lee Da Academy and given him the opportunity of a lifetime, and he'd jumped at it. Though he always assumed his friend had understood what the privilege of training at the Jade Palace had meant to him, he had never had the chance to say goodbye to her. The one who had pushed him to follow his dream of Kung Fu and the first person he'd ever met who hadn't treated him like complete shit… and he hadn't even said goodbye. He felt pangs of guilt wash over him.

I should have visited her. Will she hold it against me?

Crane started to consider backing away, his usual cripplingly nervous temperament taking control. He couldn't face her… but somehow he knew he had to. He loved her after all, and she knew it too; this was surely the universe taking pity on him and giving him a "nudge." He stepped forward and feigned initial surprise when he spoke.

"M-Mei Ling?"

The cat turned abruptly when she had heard a voice that had been missing in her life for far too long.

"Crane!"

He didn't even have a chance to bathe in the radiance of her smile for a whole second, as it was behind his back in a tight hug that quickly.

Any reservations he had been holding onto evaporated when faced with her warmth once more. He was surer of his love for Mei Ling than anything in his life. Confidence, personability, everything he hated himself for not having, she had in spades. He often wondered what he could possibly offer her in return, to somehow explain how she would value him, reciprocate his feelings. He could not help but view love as a scale that had to be evened out, finding his own measure perpetually lacking.

The two spent the whole afternoon catching up, first in the market, then at a local restaurant. The place was expensive, but he didn't mind, he wanted to make this day count. It wasn't like Crane really spent his money on anything anyway; his lifestyle was built around frugality, minimalism. All the while, she never once brought up his sudden departure, only praising his Kung Fu skills and how they had become well-known all over China... she had seemed genuinely proud of him. In return, he had enjoyed learning about how she had an interest in mastering the mystical force of Chi through meditation, something he deemed still well beyond his capabilities.

The golden cat was looking much different than when Crane had last seen her. Her facial features were more defined and mature than he remembered, and the same could be said of the rest of her, too; the result was that Mei Ling, who had since taken on the attire more fitting to her new rank of master, looked even more stunning than he had ever dreamed. The Peach Tree of Heavenly Wisdom offered easily the best sunset view the valley had to offer, and the two eventually found themselves there. They mused on about all the students who used to make fun of Crane at Lee Da; as it turned out, the same people all looked up to him now as some kind of Kung Fu idol. The ebb and flow of life has an odd sense of humor.

As they laughed at the delicious irony of it all, the two masters unconsciously started to drift closer together. It was the strangest feeling, as if something in the air around them had changed. Crane felt genuinely happy... satisfied in a way that the monotony of his constant training could never hope to match. Mei Ling smiled at her avian friend for a long time; he could never hope to capture such a beautiful smile in a painting. It seemed to possess the innocent, cosmic bliss of life itself - and it entranced the young bird. He lost all track of time just looking at her, and was somewhat surprised when the cat finally spoke.

"Crane… Lu Xian,"

There were no more than three people living who knew Crane's real name, and two were his sad excuses for parents. He had hated his name for most of his life, preferring to just go by "Crane," and when he had become a master it was his title. But somehow when she had said it just now, he felt a foreign sense of pride, confidence even; it was fitting, since she was the one who instilled these traits in him in the first place.

"I think... I love you."

Crane hadn't seen those words coming from her - not by a long shot; they'd always been close in a special way, but neither of them ever expected to hear any kind of profession from the other. That was just the nature of the lives they led. Kung Fu masters weren't supposed to cultivate such relationships, and they had always secretly believed that as long as they played this little game of unconfessed affection, they wouldn't have to address the obvious conflicts of interest. The unsure look on the golden cat's face showed she felt as if a dire mistake had been made. Nonetheless, Crane's emotions were more akin to a supernova approaching critical mass, and he'd be damned if he was going to try and fight them.

"I-I don't know what to say…"

He let his body show his answer by wrapping her in a feathered embrace.

"I shouldn't have said that. It's not fair to you..." she started, unsure.

"No - I feel the same. I always have."

He still couldn't remember just what had happened next, for time passed slowly and like a hazed mirror of reality. There was only the ephemeral memory, shattered barriers, the sensation of drowning.

Crane couldn't believe his own surprise when he woke up the next morning still under the Peach Tree with the golden cat master sleeping on top of him. The avian knew right away he had made a horrible mistake; he nudged the slumbering feline awake.

"Mei Ling, you can't be here! You have to go!"

Far from awake, the cat groggily waved off his sudden demands.

"What? What are you talking about Xian?"

"You have to leave Mei, before-"

But when he looked up, he knew it was no use. Master Shifu stood above the two, the fury in his eyes strengthening by the second.

"Master Shifu, I assure you it's not-"

His master had silenced him with an outstretched paw, and looked as if about to erupt with enough force to blow the Jade Mountain off its rocks.

Both masters jumped off each other in a dreadful combination of embarrassment and terror, trying to straighten their ruffled clothing and appearance. They gave Shifu a bowing salute, but were not surprised when he did not return it. The older master hopped down from the rock he had been standing on, and walked right up to Crane, pointing at him accusingly with the flute that doubled as his staff. His words were not yelled but spoken softly with a venomous tone, that ended up being infinitely more biting than if it had just been screamed aloud.

"I expected better of you Crane. You are a student of the palace, you have responsibilities!"

"Master, please-"

The red panda's glare stole the air from the bird's lungs.

"I will spare you the embarrassment of informing the other masters about this little 'incident,' but you will be doing two extra hours of training a day for three months. And If I ever find you like this again, I will not hesitate to banish you from the Jade Palace! Am I clear?"

Crane shook his head up and down as vigorously as his neck would allow. Shifu's attention now turned to Mei Ling, who was visibly shaking in anticipation of the red panda's rage being put on her.

"And you! You have come into our sanctum and desecrated it! I don't know who you are, and I don't really care, but show your face around here again and you will wish I'd used the Wuxi Finger Hold on you - it would be merciful in comparison to what I will do!"

Crane looked over to see Mei Ling with her jaw clamped shut, barely suppressing a flood of tears. It was a little shocking to see, but that was only because he had grown accustomed to being around a more emotionless feline. The sight of it made Crane want to tell Shifu what he really thought of his master at this moment, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. He had tried to say it hadn't been what it looked like, but if he was honest Crane didn't actually know if that was true or not. There was a pause where he could have stood up for her, but he didn't. For a second time he was left to choose between Kung Fu and Mei Ling, and for a second time he chose Kung Fu. Crane could only watch helplessly as his master proceeded to insult the girl he loved in just about every way imaginable; he could never hope to forgive himself. Before turning to leave, Mei Ling took what was sure to be her last look at her friend.

"I'm sorry… I didn't mean..." She could no longer hold back her tears. "Goodbye, Crane."

As she walked away, his beak had mouthed a response, but words would not come out. She was gone from his life once more.

For the first few months, Crane felt as if he could never respect Shifu again, and the extra training every day surely didn't help him warm back up to his master. But over time, he realized he had only himself to blame. Shifu was still in the right, as there were strict rules in place regarding what his teacher had caught him doing. Everything had happened so fast, and he'd made so many mistakes; if only he hadn't allowed things to go so far, if only he hadn't fallen asleep, if only, if only, if only.

Even when fate itself would seem to push them together, he had still found a way to mess it all up. The realization crushed him, rendering the avian inconsolable for months longer. It did get marginally better over time, as he found solace in his artwork, and the arrival of Po into his life had as positive an effect as it did on all the Jade Palace's occupants; but Mei Ling was always in the back of his mind, though. For that one day, everything in the universe had been perfect. The golden cat remained as a painful memory he could never seem to shake. Had he truly loved her that much? Or had they just been confused and let the emotions of a single moment take them away?

The wide, auburn sun was rising lethargically over the dunes.

Kung Fu or Mei Ling… Look where choosing Kung Fu has gotten me now: I'm dragging corpses in the desert towards certain death!

Crane expelled some sand from his nares.

If I ever get another chance, I won't make the same mistake a third time.

As the bird pressed on with his aimless dragging, he was suddenly snapped out of his trance… Something had collected around his legs.

Something wet.

Author's Notes:

- When writing Crane, I often can't help but think of myself; I find him really relateable and sometimes I think that might be influencing how I write his character

- This interaction between Crane and Mei Ling, for example, was inspired by my own experience (when something just happens off a whim, you rush it, and then mess up really bad); I know what it's like to be kicking yourself months and even years later over a mistake that happened in such a short amount of time

- The entire incident will probably appear rushed, because 1- that's the nature of this sudden interaction, 2- I'm assuming these two already knew each other on a very intimate level, and 3- I really didn't feel like dedicating another thousand words to a flashback (I don't really like flashbacks to be honest)

- I've been writing quite a lot about Po and Tigress lately, so I badly needed to explore the inner workings of the avian master's mind; because, believe it or not, Crane is actually my favorite KFP character (but Po and Tigress are more fun to write)

- I'm assuming the time between Crane leaving Lee Da and this flashback is not very long, like maybe two or three years; so these two are still pretty young here

- Maybe those crazy dreams make just a tiny bit more sense now...

- I'm planning to revisit the Khan of Mongolia next chapter; we'll see how that goes :)