Good Intentions

by Shaneman17

Paul was no stranger to evil, having spilled enough blood to flood cities. Still he had done it with good intentions, to protect the innocent and create a better tomorrow. However after falling into hell he realizes that just killing the bad guys may not have been enough, maybe redemption was the way to go. Maybe with the help of the princess of hell he could change everything.

10. Way Back Home

Hi guys! Good to see you again, but before we get started, I would like to ask all the commission artists to please stop sending me messages. As much as I appreciate the offers, I have no many to spend on your services.

Now go ahead and grab yourselves some snacks and get comfy, this is a long one.

…-…

Chapter 10: Way Back Home

Imp City, I.M.P. Office

"Fuck this human in the ASS!" Blitzo screamed as he collapsed to the floor of his recently refurbished office.

"For once, I share the sentiment." Moxxie said as he flopped down into his own seat on the couch, slumping in exhaustion.

"You guys look like shit." Loona said without looking up from her phone.

"We have been doing nothing but looking for the human for eight days straight!" Moxxie yelled. "We looked everywhere in Pentagram for this Paul guy, but nadda! How can a human just drop into Hell and no one knows anything about it?"

"Well last we saw him, he had all that armor on. Maybe people don't even know he's human." Millie said as she went to go lean against the windowsill, looking far more energized and upbeat than either her husband or boss.

"Maybe, but after what he did at the Vee Bowl, how could he just disappear like that? Stolas confirmed that was him, right?" Moxxie asked Blitzo.

"I don't know. The feathery fuck just told me that Abadick was probably the guy we were looking for. I swear once we find that bastard, I'm going to shoot him in his stupid human face!" he yelled as he sat up balled his fists.

"Sir, in case you don't remember, that's exactly how this whole thing started. You shooting him in the face, and him being more annoyed than hurt." Moxxie retorted.

"Ah come on MoxMox, you can't tell me you don't want a round two with that bastard. Nobody hurts my man." Millie said as she glared into the distance while punching the air a few times.

"If it were anyone else who had skewered you, I wouldn't hesitate to kill them." Moxxie agreed. "But this isn't anybody else. I was worried about this Paul back when I thought he killed at least twenty people, but if the info Stolas gave us is right, then he's literally killed hundreds and lived to tell the tale. The entire time we were fighting him, he was just toying with us and still managing to kick our asses while half naked and with that machete thing of his. He only started taking us seriously after I shot him in the abdomen with a missile and blew him. Which he survived!"

"Yeah, but now we know how tough he is." Millie pointed out. "Next time we just need to hit him harder."

"Don't bother trying to convince him. Mox is too much of a bitch to try and get revenge. I on the other hand have no such bitchiness." Blitzo said proudly, completely missing the almost simultaneous eyerolls the other three gave him.

"Well forgive me if I don't want us all to charge into certain death because we thought we could kill a man whose deadliness might be on par with Lords!" Moxxie snapped, something quite unusual for the mild mannered imp.

Blitzo let out a sigh as he picked himself off the floor and made his way over to the company's resident sharpshooter. "Look Moxxie, I know when I'm stepping into deep shit and I should cut and run. This isn't one of those times. We need that book and I'm not just saying that because Stolas would have my sweet ass and not in the fun way. We are Immediate Murder Professionals, and without that book we can't go back to earth to murder anyone. I.M.P. would be dead, we're all out of a job and if anyone finds out we were the ones who lost the book we'd be all be executed for breaking demon law. So nut up and shut up Mox." Blitzo said as he poked the smaller demon in the chest.

"Yeah, one little problem there." Loona said, finally putting her phone down. "You kind of need to find him first. I mean it's not like he's just going to show up on our doorstep."

"Found him!"

Blitzo, Moxxie and Loona all blinked in surprise before turning to look at Millie who was sporting a wide excited grin.

"Uh, where sweetie?" Moxxie asked.

"On our doorstep." She said before pointing at the window.

The three demons stared at each other for a moment before, as one, got up and rushed over to the window. With their faces pressed against the glass, they were able to look down at the sidewalk below.

Sure enough, there standing in front of their building's door was a man dressed in black armor and a long yellow coat. His head was covered by that easily recognizable helmet with the Alpha and Omega symbols and that green eyed mask that still haunted their dreams. The only thing different about him was the odd black thing on his back that the four hellborn couldn't quite make out. What they could see from their position was the human in question just standing there, looking down and fiddling with something on his hellphone.

"Hooolllyyy shit! Mox! Grab that gun we got from Striker and shoot this bastard!" Blitzo yelled.

"Have you ignored everything I said in the last few minutes!?" Moxxie said as he turned to glare at his boss. "We found the human, but that still doesn't mean can kill him!"

"Moxxie, grow a dick and shoot the bastard. He's literally right there! We won't have a better shot than this."

Moxxie held up a finger and was to yell back at his boss when he froze as a thought occurred to him. This wasn't the best shot they could have. In fact, the best shot they ever had at killing Paul was when he had been safe inside his cabin in Canadian Wastelands, completely unaware that he was being targeted. If it hadn't been for the reinforced glass, they might have been able to kill him, even if that was a big might. Besides, who said they even had to fight the human?

"Actually, I think I have a better idea. What if we followed him?" Moxxie suggested.

"What? Why?" Millie asked.

"Because do you think we can actually kill him in a single spur of the moment attack?"

The two other assassins glanced at each other before shrugging in response.

"Exactly. So what I was thinking is that we follow him back to wherever he's staying and attack him there. Better yet, what if we just snuck in and stole the grimoire?" Moxxie offered. "Think about it. Stolas doesn't care about the human, only about getting the book back, right? So, we do what Stolas wants with as little chance of a horrible death as possible. What do you think?"

Loona just shrugged without turning away from the window, Millie just smiled at him and gave him an encouraging nod while his boss looked away while chewing on his finger. Blitzo appeared to think about it for a few seconds before letting out a frustrated growl.

"Uh fine! We'll follow the cocksucker home. But I swear if I see the perfect chance to kill this guy, I'm taking it." Blitzo relented.

"Well I'm glad you guys made a gameplan because the human's leaving." Loona called out.

"Alright, everyone grab your shit and let's go get that book!" Blitzo called out as the imps rushed to grab as much equipment as possible and stuffing it into their magical fanny pack. It didn't take much time before they finished and the four of them were rushing out the door, desperate to catch up to the human.

…-…

Imp City really wasn't what I thought it would be.

According to the Hellnet, the vast network of wireless computer information that ran through out the seven rings and an idea I was going to implement back on earth as soon as possible, this was a city that had been founded by and for hellborn demons. As a city founded by literal demons, I was expecting it to be a place of chaos, anarchy and ruin. Instead, what I found was a city that was only slightly rougher than the ones on earth. It was strange walking by working shops and thriving businesses that were being run by horned imps and bipedal canines of all breeds. Every now and then there was the occasional succubi with red skin with the stereotypical black horns, small batwings on their backs and a barbed tail. On top of all that everyone one of them, no matter their size, their shape, or whether they were a man or a woman, each one of them just seemed to have some sort of carnal charm to them. I caught myself looking twice every time a scantily clad woman passed me by. It really wasn't hard to see how the succubi were so successful at seducing humans.

Of course there was the occasional sinner, but it was pretty clear that they were the minority here. That was probably why I was able to walk down the street without being harassed by people stupid enough to try and mug me. Unlike the suicidal idiots in Pentagram, the people here actually had to be careful because it didn't take angelic steel to put them down for good.

Walking along the street, I followed the path the hellphone's map program had suggested and apparently it was working fine, as off in the distance was a large building that reminded me of Grand Central Station in Old York City. It stood out from the rest of the surrounding buildings, being made from beautiful white and yellow stone in contrast to the usual red, black and grey. It brought to mind the Heavenly Embassy back in pentagram, but I didn't feel any warmth from its glow, so the builders probably just mimicked the aesthetics.

Making my way up the yellow steps, I felt several eyes following me, no doubt hellborn realizing that I wasn't one of them and wondering what I was doing here. I just decided to ignore them as I reached the top and pulled open one of the black and gold doors and entered the building.

As I passed through the threshold, I felt a chill go down my reinforced spine as my skin broke out into goosebumps. I quickly glanced around to see what could have caused my reaction but saw nothing. Mentally shrugging, I decided to ignore that feeling for now and instead focused on my surroundings.

Much like the outside, the interior was mostly white and yellow with the addition of gold accents. The floor was a reddish orange that was so polished that I could actually see my reflection in its surface. On each side of the building were five massive archways, three on the first floor and two on the second. Each one topped with a white and gold eye design with a large pink crystal acting as the pupil and iris. The ceiling was actually one large series of curved glass skylights, allowing me to get a good look at the red early morning sky. On the far wall sat not only the ticket desk, but a large white, gold and pink crystal clock that also resembled an eye, but one with four wings protruding from different angles, bringing to my mind one of the old biblical descriptions of angels. Taking that into account as well as the various depictions of apples scattered about, it was obvious that whoever built this place was trying to make the place appear to be holy. It definitely wasn't something I expected to see in Hell.

Once I was done looking at the large room, I made my way over to the desk with several demons behind it selling people tickets. My foot falls were completely silent, an anomaly among all the clicking and clattering of shoes and hooves on the stone floor. Thankfully I didn't have to wait in line so I was able to immediately walk up to a short curvy imp woman, wearing a white and gold stewardess dress and pink scarf with her long black hair tied into a ponytail. Last but not least, she also sported a beautiful and cheerful smile. If I weren't for the fact that she was a red skinned and black horned demon, she would have looked like she had stepped out of one of those old world airline posters.

"Good morning sir. What can I do for you this fine day?" She asked, her voice just as cheery as she looked.

"I was looking to purchase a ticket to the Lust Ring. When is the next departure time?" I asked.

The woman turned away from me and towards her computer terminal. She clacked away on the keyboard before looking back at me.

"The next elevator to Lust departs in thirty minutes and a ticket will be eighty mons sir." She said while holding out her hand.

I gave her nod before pulling up my pipboy, reatomizing the exact amount of money and handing it over to the ticket woman. Other than giving me a questioning look, she didn't say anything about me summoning money out of thin air.

"You know, I heard that human Sinners can't travel between the rings but the non-humans can. Since I am not human, I'm not going to have any trouble, am I?" I asked as she reached over to grab my ticket.

"Considering you were able to walk inside the building without being turned to ash, I think you'll be just fine." She said as she handed me a gold ticket. "Your elevator is on the first floor, second entrance on your right. I hope you have a pleasant trip."

"And you have a good day miss." I said, giving her a two finger salute before walking away with a smug smile on my masked face.

I practically skipped my way over to the archway. It seems that the cold chill was actually some sort of infernal security system and much as I suspected, me being a living human let me get around the rules that bound most Sinners. Screw you cosmic law, I have places to be.

Walking through the archway, I entered a large circular room with a dozen benches, two of which were up against the wall on a higher platform. On the other side of the room was a massive set of golden and engraved elevator doors that were currently sealed shut. This was definitely supposed to be a waiting room.

So, rather than awkwardly stand there by myself, I decided to climb the stairs to the platform and took a seat where my back would be against the wall. I had the perfect unobstructed view of the room and with only one point of direct access. I had learned many lessons in the wasteland and one of the first was that if you were going to wait around an area, make sure it was as secure as possible. Unfortunately, since I was in public, I don't think anyone would take too kindly to me placing landmines around so this would have to be good enough.

As I sat there, I decided that I was reasonably safe and let my body relax before deciding to indulge in one of my favorite past times. People watching.

In the wasteland, it was both a survival tactic as well as a fun way to pass the time. If you watched long enough, you could get a pretty good feel about who the people were. The first thing you had to take into account was the location, because there was a big difference between people walking around a market and a military encampment. Since we were all taking an elevator to the Lust Ring, that meant most of these people were probably heading down there to get lucky and enjoy the party scene. Since the businesses in Lust were almost all open twenty four hours a day, it didn't particularly matter how early or late one went.

Off to the left were a group of eight woman made up of imps, Hellhounds and a couple fish looking demons were all chatting and giggling amongst themselves. Not only were they all scantily clad, they also all wore various bright plastic necklaces and rings while appearing to be at different levels of drunkenness. It was easy to see that they were a group of friends that were probably off to finish up a night of partying by going to a strip club.

Off to the right were a trio of imp men, all dressed in blazers, dress shirts and slacks. The kind of clothes someone would wear if they worked in an office setting. Since they were all wrinkled and messy, they had probably just gotten off a long night of work and rather than head home to relax, they had chosen to have some fun the old fashion way. Nothing special there, but one thing that I noticed that had me shaking my head in disappointment was that the imp in the middle had slipped a wedding ring off his finger and dropped it in his front pants pocket. That one was no doubt planning to cheat on his spouse and based on the casual way he had done it, this wouldn't be the first time.

Then there were all the succubi and incubi scattered about. Of course, they were all dressed in outfits that showed off plenty of skin with a few of them wearing clothes so revealing that they might as well have been naked. The interesting part was just how casual they were. There was no giddiness or excitement about going to Lust, just a casual indifference as they applied makeup to themselves and chatted with each other. Considering it was still early morning; these people were probably the day shift workers on their way to their jobs as sex workers.

It was strangely surreal.

Still, I saw an opportunity. There was a reason some of the best spies in history were whores, nothing loosened people's lips like a mix of sex and booze. Add in people's tendency to gossip before, during and after work, and you were looking at a potential goldmine of information. More importantly, it sounded entertaining.

So as I closed my eyes, I focused my attention on the conversations going on around me. Although the human ear was nowhere near as powerful as most animals', it could still prove to be extremely precise if properly trained. In the waiting room, sounded echoed and bounced around, making peoples voices carry farther and as I forced the outside noises to fall away, I was able to make out distinct voices of my fellow passengers.

"Did you hear about what happened in Greed last week?"

"No, what?"

"Some idiot tried to trick Crimson into thinking he was rich so he could marry into the family."

"How did he think he was going to get away with that?"

"No clue, but I can tell you whatever is left of him is probably hanging on Crimson's wall."

Hmm, sounded like either someone had tried to scam their way into either a brutal noble family or a criminal one. Either way it sounded like someone had earned a Darwin award. Nothing really interesting there, I had seen scenarios play out like that plenty of times. Maybe the next conversation would be better.

"Look, all I'm saying is that Vortex guy looked awfully close to Bee at that last party. I think something might be going on between those two."

"Hah! You're fucking with me, right? No way would she do it with a hellhound of all people. Probably catch flees if she did."

"You know Sara, you're kind of a bitch sometimes."

"You know it fuck face."

Oh look, some good old fashioned racism. Why was I not surprised that hell had that? Although now that I witnessed it, I did read somewhere about Hell's pseudo caste system. There were the sins, the nobles and the lowborn. Among the lowborn there were their own bigotries and class friction with the imps and hellhounds at the bottom.

I really didn't need any more convincing to get out of Hell

"You would not believe who paid me a visit the other night."

"Who?"

"Johnson."

"Do have any idea how little it narrows it down?"

"Trust me, there was nothing little about this Johnson."

"What are you-oh shit! Long Dick Johnson!? The one with the fucking long dick?"

"Thus, the name."

"Damn girl. I always wondered what he'd be like. So, spill bitch."

"Well first of all, his name doesn't do it justice. His pecker is a damn monolith. It felt like he was going to break me in hal-"

Nope, nope, noppity, nope. Not listening to that crap. I always found it weird how willing woman were to talk about their sex life and the last thing I wanted to do was eavesdrop on succubi doing the same thing. I wanted to keep what little sanity I had left thank you very much.

"I'm telling you man, things aren't going to end well. Niflheim is getting torn apart as we speak."

"Pffft, yeah right. That city has been around for like a thousand years and no one's managed to take it. Those Viking Overlords are vicious fuckers. Pretty hairy too."

"Not like this man. I've been fucking this security guard; he protects shipments from Niflheim and he's not taking any jobs there until the fighting is done. The problem is he doesn't think there's going to be anything left afterwards."

"What? Why? Even if Niflheim falls, the new guy in charge will just pick up where the others left off."

"Not this time. The thing is the army attacking the city doesn't belong to just any Warlord. It belongs to the Brazen Bull."

"No fucking way! Are you serious?"

"Dude, if I'm lying, I'll swear off anal for a whole year."

"Holy shit man. If that's true than there's going be nothing left but corpses and ash."

"Exactly. I'm going to miss that place man. They had great mead."

Listening in on that conversation, I couldn't help but let out a low whistle. It seemed that whoever this Warlord was, he had earned himself a nasty reputation. Impressive considering they were in Hell and to stand out amongst the filth, you had to be a special kind of evil.

Maybe I could learn a bit more if I kept listening.

"Didn't your mother ever tell you it's rude to eavesdrop on other people's conversations?" A woman's voice said from right next to me.

It wasn't often that someone managed to sneak up on me, but even then, I usually managed to notice them before they got close enough to get within striking distance. This time, I didn't even know the woman was there until she spoke. I jumped in my seat and my eyes shot open as I turned towards whoever had managed to get the better of me.

I was about to pull out my pistol before I froze in place as I locked eyes with a pair of red and silver orbs.

Roo sat there on the bench with me, a smirk adorning her beautiful face.

"What the-what are you doing here!?" I hissed.

"What? Can't a mother visit her son simply because?" she asked with a tilt of her head. Looking up at her I realized something about her had changed. Roo was shorter now. Sure, she still towered over me even while we were both sitting down but now it was a much more reasonable height of seven feet instead of the twelve foot tall giantess she had been. I wonder why she chose to appear like that?

I suppose it didn't matter in the end why she looked that way. Only why she was here.

"I told you before, you're not my mom." I grumbled.

"Oh how it hurts to hear you say that." Said with a faux sadness. "What could I have ever done to make you hate me so?"

"You mean other than the fact that you admitted to killing my real mom? Then there's all the times you were whispering in my ear, trying to get me to commit mass murder and other such equally nasty things."

"Aww! You do remember me!" she said, clutching her chest. "It warms my heart to hear that you remember your old lady."

I rolled my eyes behind my mask, not even bothering to tell her again that she wasn't my mother. "Oh yeah, ever since I went nuclear at the Vee Bowl something got knocked loose and I've been dreaming about you. I've relieved such wonderful memories of us together. Like the time you tried to convince me to blow up Megaton, or when you wanted me to unleash the orbital missile satellite on the Citadel instead of the Enclave crawler. Oo, how about the time you tried to convince me side with the insane maniac that was Elijah and help him unleash the horrors of the Sierra Madre on the Mojave. Oh, how about when you were trying to convince me to not just nuke the Legion, but the NCR as well, literally damning them all to a second nuclear holocaust!"

I yelled that last part and I saw several demons turn to look at me, shooting me looks that practically screamed that they thought I was crazy.

"What? You've never seen a man argue with an imaginary woman who thinks she's his mother before?" I asked, causing some of them to sheepishly look away while others quietly mumbled under their breaths. Insults, no doubt.

"Smooth." Roo said with a grin.

"Quiet you." I huffed before turning away from the woman, deciding to wait for the elevator in silence. It only lasted a few minutes before I caved and turned back to the woman.

"Okay, so what exactly are you? I mean I have several ideas already, but I have to ask."

"You can ask, but that doesn't mean I'll answer." She said with a teasing grin. "So, what do you think I am?"

"Evil." Was my immediate answer.

Roo actually looked taken aback. Her eyes wide as she stared at me in shock. Then her stunned face broke out into a too wide smile as she let out peels of laughter. She laughed for so long I was almost worried that she would start choking if I didn't know she probably didn't breathe.

"You hardly even know me, Paul! Don't you think it's a bit too soon to start throwing around the E word?" she said, finally managing to calm herself down.

"Lady, from what I remember of you, you have literally always been the devil on my shoulder. Always pushing me towards doing not only the wrong thing, but literally the worst things imaginable. I mean trying to get me to agree with those Andale cannibals was one thing, but selling children into slavery? Seriously?" I asked incredulously.

Roo for her part didn't look ashamed at all, merely shrugging underneath my glare.

"What can I say? It's simply what I do. Besides, it's not like anything came of it. You didn't listen to me." She said without a hint of remorse.

"Like I said, evil." I said through gritted teeth. "But you misunderstood what I was trying to say. I'm not calling you evil, I'm say that you are evil."

Her only response was to raise her perfect eyebrow.

"I'm not stupid. If you really are as omnipresent as you seem, then I know that you know that I read Charlie's book about the History of Hell. Am I wrong?" I asked.

"No. I am aware that you read the princess's pretty little picture book." Roo said, surprising me with how bitter she sounded admitting it. I had half a mind to ask about it, only to stop myself because I doubted that she would admit anything. Although that was definitely something to file away for later.

"That's what I thought. So as I was reading along, and when I get to the part about angels protecting creation of evil, what do I see? A being with red eyes, a crazy smile, and writhing hair that almost looked like it was made of fire. Sound familiar?" I said, glancing at Roo's hair that was moving and flickering in a nonexistent breeze

"And then of course, when Hell came into existence, the first thing shown is a mass of very red and very familiar eyes. I should know, those exact same eyes put the fear of…well, of you in me.

So take everything I remember about you, add in what I learned from that little book and the puzzle practically solves itself. You are literally Evil itself."

For a moment, Roo just stared at me unblinking and unnaturally still. In that moment, I could truly see just how inhuman the woman actually was. Then she smiled. It still didn't hide what she was.

"Always were a clever boy. You're close but not quite there. Evil isn't just some thing that can be touched or interact with. Evil is an ability, an action, something that is done to and committed by. I am no more the concept of evil than you are the concept of death or destruction, no matter how how good you are at inflicting them upon the world."

"And yet you were always there to whisper in my ear, planting those evil ideas in my head." I reminded her. "If you aren't evil itself, then you're its farmer. You plant the seeds, water the soil, watch your crop grow and I'm guessing when they die, reap the harvest."

"Oh that is a fantastic analogy." Roo said while leaning towards me. "Do you mind if I use that from now on? I've always thought of evil as like the water that flows through the world. You humans are bodies of water like ponds, lakes or in your case, the oceans. Full of sin already yet always able to take in more. The words I whisper in your ears are like the rivers, always flowing and carrying my will to you mortals. And from me does the water flow, for I am the source, the origin, the beginning. I am the Root of All Evil."

Roo's face didn't change the entire time she spoke, but as she did, it felt as if the entire world had fallen away. The light of the waiting room dimmed until there was nothing but darkness and the ever-present buzz of conversation disappeared, leaving only silence.

I stared at the woman in front of me, tall, imposing and despite her form, completely inhuman. Everything about her had my heart hammering away in my chest and had my instincts tied into knots trying to figure out whether to fight or take flight. Over the years, I had faced countless horrors during my adventures in the wasteland. From the sadistic raiders who enjoyed torturing their victims to death, to the hordes of man eating super mutants who could casually tear off a man's limb for a snack. From massive mechanical war machines armed with weapons that could completely atomize entire squads, to mutated beasts whose hides could stop a .50 caliber round and whose claws could cut a power armored soldier in half. Then there were the countless abominations that roamed the wastes like feral ghouls, trogs, centaurs, spore carriers and ghost people who were all a one point human. Now all twisted and mutated beyond recognition and turned into crimes against nature.

I had faced them all with the fear of death always in the back of my mind yet never had the idea of backing down crossed my mind. Yet sitting here with Roo, I had never felt more afraid than I did now. Because this woman, if I could even call her that, was worse than them all. She had even come right out and said it. She wasn't just some pathic demon or ancient spirit. She was the Root of All Evil, something that had existed since before humans even walked the earth. I was terrified of her. And yet despite that terror, sitting next to her, I also paradoxically felt completely safe, like she wouldn't let anything hurt me.

And Roo, something that had apparently been lurking on the edge of the human consciousness since time immemorial, apparently considered me her son.

"Heh. Heh, heh, ha ha ha HA HA HA HA!" I let out a gut busting laugh. The idea that this evil thing apparently cared about me was just so funny that I couldn't hold back the laughter.

The moment I did so, light and sound returned and the feeling of absolute terror that permeated every fiber of my being had completely vanished. Sure, several of the nearby demons turned to look at my like I had lost my marbles but fuck them. Let them think I was a madman; I didn't care what they thought about me.

I finally calmed myself down after a couple minutes, and after I had managed to catch my breath, I finally noted that Roo was looking at me the same way the demons did, which threatened to start up the laughing fit all over again had I not forced it down.

"Huh, not the reaction I was expecting." She said.

"Sorry, sorry. It's all just so goddamned ridiculous. I mean, my life is basically one big cosmic joke." I clarified.

"Twenty years ago, I was just some vault dweller doing his job as a chaplain, then one day I'm forced out into the world without any warning. My clueless ass had no idea what I was doing, yet somehow find myself going from quest to quest, eventually taking down an entire army of highly trained power armored soldiers. I delved into a simulation of a long forgotten battle fought by a dead nation, then helped lead a slave revolt in a city that was so toxic I can actually say it was worse than Hell. Explored a cursed swampland that was inhabited by inbred cannibal freaks and unreasonably strong crazy people who worshipped both a fruit and the brain of a blue blooded prewar asshole. Then after burning a book full of eldritch lore that shouldn't have existed, I got abducted by aliens. Fucking aliens!

Then when I decide to head west and become a courier, what happens? I get shot in the head and buried in a shallow grave. Then after that, I get caught up in all the bullshit going on between House, the NCR and the Legion. I then get captured by a nutcase who strapped a bomb collar on me and forced me to break into the Sierra Madre, yet another place worse than Hell. So after enduring that nightmare, I decided to take a little break, go on a simple caravan expedition, only to get trapped in national park full of massive Cazadores and Yao Guai, while working with the Burned Man himself. Then I get abducted yet again, get my heart, spine and brain scooped out and forced to explore a crater full of mad science experiments to get them back. Then while exploring the Divide, yet ANOTHER place worse than Hell, I had to deal with all of Ulysses' philosophical bullshit! Bear bull bear bull bear bull, for the love of god listening to that man made me want to blow my brains out because of how stupid he was. That man thought what he was saying was so deep and meaningful when really it was nothing more than meaningless drivel that he used to justify trying to kill everyone.

Then I go and have the bright fucking idea to become king! Seriously, what was I thinking?! But of course, since I was stupid enough to claim the crown, I thought I might as well become the best leader I can be. Which of course lead to me annexing all of the former Legion territory to free all their slaves and try to bring order to a bunch of bloodthirsty savages who not a year before had tried to conquer Vegas. Then, once I'm done dealing with that, the NCR decides to collapse and of course I have to annex them as well to stop the West from falling into absolute anarchy. Then for the next decade I led both my nation and my armies as we conquered the continent and had to deal with even more bullshit every step of the way.

Then, after years of fighting, I finally, FINALLY have a chance to take a well-deserved vacation, what happens?! I wind up falling into literal Hell! I make friends with the Devil's daughter, learn secrets about both the afterlife as well as creation itself, manage to get my hands on magic by absorbing the souls of demons I killed and thanks to that, I'm not even sure I'm human anymore! Now here I am in a waiting room, pouring my heart out to apparently the closest thing I've ever had to a mother figure, who just so happens to be the literal Root of All Evil!

Fuck! My! Life!" I screamed and as soon as I finished my rant, I collapsed onto the bench.

As I sat there, my entire body felt numb and lifeless. Never before in my life had I felt so tired and drained, and yet oddly lighter as well.

"Feel better now that you've got that out of your system?" Roo asked, looking down at me with an amused smirk.

"Yeah, actually." I said as I strained my posture. "Guess that's been building for a long time. Seriously though, my life is crazier than the plot of a Grognak comic book."

"Yes, and I've had such a wonderful time watching you write the story."

After that, we lapsed into a surprisingly comfortable silence. Sitting next to the origin of human sin should have been a terrifying prospect, but I guess I was just mad enough to not care about that tiny little detail. Still, I felt strange to know that this thing beyond human understanding actually cared about me in some unknowable way.

Actually, now that I thought about it, why did she care about me? It's not like I ever did what she told me to do. Maybe it was because despite trying to be a good person, I still wound up a murderous monster?

"Hey Roo, or Root of All Evil, whichever you prefer. You mind if I ask you something?" I asked.

"Not at all. And I prefer Roo. Though if you really want, you can call me by any of the other names that humans have given me." she answered.

"Oh? Like what?"

"Eris, Apophis, Tiamat, Morrigan, Kakia, Angra Mainyu. Many cultures based their gods of destruction and sin after me. Like I told you before, I've had many names and titles."

"Huh. That's actually pretty interesting, but I think I'll stick with Roo. So, about my question?" I asked, Roo giving me a nod to go ahead. "Why do you care about me?"

Roo shot me a raised eyebrow as she stared at me like I was an idiot. "Was that supposed to be rhetorical?"

"No, I'm serious. Why are you here, sitting beside me when I'm pretty sure there's plenty of other things you could be doing, like convincing some troubled kid to murder their entire family."

"Oh don't you worry your little head, I'm still doing all that. No one can multitask better than me. Before the world burned, I was constantly whispering into the ears of billions of people at once. A world with only hundreds of millions is child's play." She clarified.

"Ah, and here I was thinking I was special." I said, feeling oddly hurt by that revelation.

"Oh Paul, don't be like that. You know you're my special little man." Roo teased by patting the top of my head with her incorporeal hand. "Besides, most people are hardly worth my time, simply worth a few words and little else. You, on the other hand, are worth far more."

"I don't see why. From what I remember, all I ever did was do the opposite of what you wanted me to do. You told me to murder someone, I would help them instead. You told me to pillage and plunder, and I would protect and rescue. You told me to enslave people, but I would release people from their shackle instead. And yet every time you had this look on your face. It was almost like you were proud of me. Why?" I asked.

"Why you ask? Well, it's fairly simple. Because of your capacity for Evil." She said in a matter of fact tone, causing me to tilt my head in confusion.

"You act like I'm supposed to know what that means."

"Hmm, I suppose you wouldn't." Roo said holding her chin. "How about this. You are no doubt aware that genetically speaking, humans are not born equal. Some people are born weak while others are strong. Some are born fat and slow while others are lithe and agile. Some people are born dumber than a brick while others were born to be the next Stanislaus Braun."

"Do not bring that son of a bitch into this." I growled.

"Still despise the man I see. Anyways as I was saying, people are not born equal, and it extends far beyond the physical. People are born with a certain capacity for sin and I whisper into their ears what they are capable of. People with a low capacity are usually the most righteous of people, such as Moira Brown, Julie Farkas and your old friend Fawkes. The best I could ever do was convince them to tell a few spur of the moment lies. Then there were the average people who I always had the most boring of sins. Embezzlement here, an affair there and if I got lucky, a murder in the heat of the moment. All so fucking dull." Roo said with a frown.

"If that's the average, why are there so many raiders?" I asked.

"Because even though most people were born with a certain capacity to do evil upon the world, that capacity can grow if they properly exerted themselves, much like exercise or studying. Of course there are those with a high capacity for evil, people who you would call monsters. Alistar Tenpenny, Eulogy Jones, Dr. Braun, Violet, Driver Nephi, Cook-Cook, Motor-Runner, Father Elija, Vulpes Inculta, Ceasar and his Legate. Rapists, mass murderers and every one of them was evil to their very cores. It seemed like I could never go a day without whispering ideas into their subconscious. But of course, for as evil and powerful as they all were, we both know what happened to them when they crossed your path."

I let out a sigh, mentally preparing myself for what I was about to hear. I'm pretty sure I knew what she was going to tell me and that I wouldn't like it.

"Let me guess, my capacity for Evil was higher than theirs?"

Roo smiled at me again, but this time her teeth had transformed into long, sharp fangs that made her look like something that had stepped straight out of a nightmare.

"To compare their potential for wickedness to yours would be like comparing a fragmentation grenade to an atomic warhead."

Behind my metal mask, I stared at Roo in shock. How was that even possible? To compare me in any way to those evil bastards was an insult, yet I knew somehow deep in my soul that Roo wasn't lying to me. "What do you mean by that?"

"I mean that from the moment you were born, I was there lying in wait until the day that your young mind developed enough to understand right and wrong. And ever since that day, I have done everything in my power to help you live up to your potential. Of course we both know how that turned out, but had you listened to me you would have been the greatest sinner to have ever lived."

"Bullshit. I may be a bloodthirsty bastard, but there's no way in Hell I'd ever become the monster you tried to turn me into." I said, trying to ignore the cold feeling of dread that appeared in my heart.

"That's where you're wrong Paul, and you know it, you just don't want to admit it." Roo looked at me, seemingly amused by my denial.

"Alright, let's say I did listen to you, how bad could I have possibly been? I mean you're making it sound like I could have been the devil himself." I said, causing the woman to scoff.

"That gullible and pathetic excuse of an angel? Trust me, that's not a high bar to clear, but you're not wrong. People call you the Messiah of the Post-Apocalypse, but had things gone differently, they would be calling you something else. The Devil of Armageddon.

Let me put it this way, despite my best efforts, you somehow wound up becoming a good man. So, let's run a hypothetical scenario where rather than becoming the saint that you are, you became the scourge that I know you're capable of. You would have of course blown up Megaton, but that would have merely been the start. That modified FEV you have locked away would instead have been unleashed upon the Capital Wasteland and would have turned the entire region into a graveyard. The alien mothership you're using to guard the Earth from the Zetans would instead have been used to obliterate entire cities from orbit. You are in control of a completely loyal machine army made up of missile wielding securitrons as well as unstoppable and indestructible holograms. No army would have been able to stand up to you. With the Big Mountain and its scientific monstrosities under your control, Old World Blues wouldn't have become New World Hope, but instead New World Misery. East and the West would not have been spared, instead both would have burned as the missiles of the Divide rained down like spears, destroying everything they struck.

After taking New Vegas for yourself, you wouldn't have hesitated in becoming a tyrant the likes of which would put Edward Sallow to shame. You and your armies would have spread across the continent, a blight upon the land until all of North America was in your iron fist. As you went, you would not have brought with you the blessings of newly resurrected flora and the pure waters of life like you have. Instead, using the technology plundered from the Sierra Madre and the Divide, a toxic blood red fog appeared and was swept up by dust storms so strong that they could flay flesh from bone, combining to form an unholy maelstrom that brought death and destruction to all.

And the worst part was that once you had seen what you had done to the corpse of America, you were not content. No, because there was a whole world out there to destroy. As far as you were concerned humanity had signed its death warrant centuries ago, you were simply its executioner. If you had chosen to become that man, you wouldn't be in Hell right now. Instead, you would be planning a second Great War. Only this time, there would be no survivors."

I stared at the woman next to me, my heart beating with a mix of fury and fear. Even now I could hear my Geiger counter begin ticking. Only those feelings weren't directed at the being of Evil. They were directed inward, because just like before some part of my soul knew that she wasn't lying.

"How could you possibly know that?" I asked, my voice sounding a little shaky to my ears.

"I have knowledge over all things evil and sinful. I know every sinful act that was, is, might be, and once the opportunity is passed, what could have been. Every sin that you both have and could have committed is forever etched into my mind. Like I said, had things gone differently, you would have more than earned the title of Devil. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if in a few decades the name Lucifer would have been long forgotten, with Harbinger taking its place. Oh, what could have been." Roo said wistfully.

I let out a long sigh, managing to calm myself down before letting out a humorless chuckle. "Well since I'm not currently an evil mass murdering maniac, I guess I'm sorry to disappoint."

Roo surprised me by letting out her own more amused chuckle. "Oh I'm not disappointed with you at all. In fact, other than simply laying down to die, I don't think there is anything you can do to disappoint me. Had you listened to me, you would have been the greatest evil the world has ever seen. Had you instead chosen to put your own wellbeing above everything else and become a warrior beyond compare, proving yourself the greatest example of a true mortal. But you didn't choose either of those paths. Instead, you are a man who saw the worst that the Wasteland had to offer, and other than becoming a bloodthirsty adrenaline junkie, you never let the darkness, never let me change who you are. A good man."

I stared at Roo for a few seconds before breaking out into soft laughter as I shook my head. "What is with you and making me feel all emotional and vulnerable? Do you like getting me all mushy?"

"I've known you literally your entire life, while you have only just met me. I had to make up for lost time and cut through that hard exterior of yours somehow. So now that you know who and what I am, would you mind if I were pop by occasionally, even if it were just to say hi? I'd understand if you said no." She said trying to sound casual, but I noticed that there was a subtle desperation in the way she asked.

I made a show of thinking about it, making sure to let out a loud hum. "You know, I'm not sure. On the one hand, you a literally the Root of All Evil and are responsible for literally all the pain and misery in my life. On the other hand…yeah, I got nothing."

"So that would be a no." She said trying to appear uncaring, but I didn't miss how her muscles tightened slightly, giving away her true feelings.

I made show of letting out a loud groan before giving an exaggerated shrug. "Fine, you can stop by every now and then. It's not like I can stop you from doing your devil on my shoulder schtick even if I tried."

Roo's face didn't change, but I could see her body visibly relaxed when I said yes.

Of course, it was at that moment that a loud ding rang through the waiting room and the massive elevator doors began to open. I glanced over at Roo before getting up from my seat.

"I suppose this is farewell for now. I guess I'll see you back on Earth."

"Yes, I suppose I'll see you on the other side." She said with amusement before her form darkened and disappeared into the shadows.

I stared at the spot where the Root of All Evil had sat before making by way towards the elevator. I had a content smile on my face the entire way there.

…-…

Lust Ring, Two Hours Later

Walking around the streets of the City of Luxuria, I realized that I may have underestimated the shear amount of horniness a place could contain. I had done some research on Lust beforehand, but actually stepping foot here was not something anyone could prepare themselves for.

The Pride Ring had been a barren place, with the lands beyond the cities being nothing more than vast stretches of desolate red sand with the occasional rocky outcropping and small mountain. The sky had been a deep red that alternated between crimson during the day and a dark wine at night, with the only celestial bodies hanging in the sky being the large glowing pentagram, the red moon with the star carved into it and the white angelic looking sphere. The weather had been rather dry with the occasional humid day that made the warm temperature incredibly uncomfortable.

Lust on the other hand couldn't have been more different.

The first major difference was the color scheme. Rather than having everything be different shades of red and black, here everything had the much cooler tones of blue and purple. The sky above was a beautiful dark blue with cyan and violet rain clouds overhead, and if you looked close enough, you could see what appeared to be stars peeking through. Temperature wise, it was surprisingly warm which was only kept from becoming uncomfortable by the constant cool drizzle. Apparently, the land outside of the cities in lust was basically one big marshland and the entire ring had perpetual light rain. I had of course tried to find out the scientific reason behind that, but apparently the few dedicated scientists in Hell couldn't figure out why. Evidently, there was a long running joke, that it rained so that the demons of lust would always be wet.

I wanted to let out a groan just thinking about such a dumb joke. The worst part was that as far as I knew, that was exactly why it rained. Who knew just how far symbolism went into creating Hell.

The buildings along the outskirts came in all shapes and sizes in various cool colors, but the one thing they all had in common was that they all had bright neon signs advertising what flavor of debauchery they specialized in. Of course, as you got closer to the city center, the buildings started getting taller and taller until you were surrounded by skyscrapers. Most of the skyscrapers came in various eccentric designs with several of them having clearly taken inspiration from prewar architecture. They were decorated in just as much neon as the smaller buildings and cast the city in their glow.

As I walked along the mostly deserted streets, with the rain sliding off my duster and the wet asphalt reflecting the neon light, I felt like I had stepped into an old noir film. I was sorely tempted to transform my duster and helmet into a trench coat and fedora. I was able to resist that urge thankfully, but only just barely.

One thing that took me out of the noir fantasy was that I constantly had to turn down offers from prostitutes of all kinds. It seemed like I could walk thirty feet without bumping into a streetwalker. After the first thirty, I didn't even bother turning them down, instead choosing to simply ignore them and act like they didn't exist.

It went like that for a couple hours until I managed to make it to my destination.

Standing outside of Nanaya Heights, I felt a wave of déjà vu wash over me. Here I was in a city of neon and sin, standing outside the tallest building around where the ruler of the land resided. It was the Lucky 38 all over again, although this place certainly was much more alive.

The Nanaya Heights building was the tallest building in the city, designed to look like a mass of connected light purple towers with a single spire standing taller than the rest halfway up the spire was a famous five star restaurant that I couldn't remember the name of. At the top of the spire were what looked like massive decorative feathers and a large penthouse that belonged to Asmodeus, the Sin of Lust himself. Since he owned the building, it wasn't a surprise that he lived here and thankfully for my purposes he wasn't the only one. Nanaya Heights was the premier luxury apartment building in Luxuria, home to all of the most powerful and successful people in Lust, which just so happened to include one Verosika Mayday.

Angel Dust apparently undersold just how popular Verosika was. According to various websites on the Hellnet, Ms. Mayday was considered one of Lust's crown jewels, the second most beloved sex symbol, only being beaten out by a jester themed imp named Fizzarolli. How someone could look at that guy and think 'Sexy', I'll never understand. Still, with the help of several websites dedicated to all things Verosika Mayday, it was child's play to find out that she owned and primarily lived in the penthouse in the second tallest spire. Of course figuring out where she lived wasn't the problem, it was getting up there.

Those fan websites were filled with posts about getting to meet their hero, but among them were plenty of fans that could at best be called obsessive. Said fans had apparently tried to force their way up to her apartment only to be forced out by the building's security. Armed guards, cameras, automatically locking doors, elevators that only took you to the floor you wanted if you had the proper key card. Hell, according to a particularly bold stalker, there were even dozens of ceiling mounted machinegun turrets scattered about.

While the security was something I could definitely handle, I doubted would want anything to do with a man who literally killed to see her. Sneaking in wasn't much of an option either. Sure the stealth suit mkIII was a marvelous piece of stealth technology and my own sneaking skills were second to none, managing to stay hidden while making my way up that many stories was next to impossible.

So, if I couldn't go through or sneak by, than I had to go around.

Making my way to the building's side alley, I made sure I was truly alone before rolling my shoulders and activating my jetpack. I flew upwards for a few seconds before I saw I was high enough and cut off the engines just before I was about to reach the restaurant. Just like my test flight, I fell dozens of feet, only landing with a soft thud as my freefall boots absorbed the impact. Glancing around, I saw that everything had gone as I had expected and was standing on top of Mayday's penthouse.

Walking over to the edge of the building, I looked down and saw the ground hundreds of feet below me. I took a minute to admire the view of the city. If one could ignore just what the neon signs were advertising, the blue city actually looked quite beautiful. Unfortunately, I couldn't spend any more time sightseeing, so after one last look, I stepped over the edge.

Unlike like last time, this fall was only about a dozen feet before I landed on the penthouse's balcony. Thankfully the glass door was unlocked, Verosika clearly hadn't expected someone to come in from above. Sliding it to the side, I stepped into the penthouse.

I had to give miss Mayday credit; she had nice taste. The floors were some kind of dark blue wood with the walls a nice pearly white. Her furniture was all of quality make with couches and chairs made of fine black leather. Along the walls hung several illuminated posters, all of them of Verosika in various revealing outfits and most of the titles being a sexual play on words. No doubt movie posters of a different sort.

At the center of the penthouse were a set of elevator doors and off to the left was a set of doors no doubt leading to other rooms while off to the right was a juke box, an old fashioned phonograph and a very well stocked bar. After looking around the main room, I wandered around and found the kitchen, a music room, a large and very luxurious bathroom, half a dozen guest rooms and the main bedroom that was full of…toys.

After making sure that Verosika wasn't here, I headed back to the main room, turned on the lights and waited.

After a few minutes I got bored and started perusing Verosika's music selection and was surprised to see that her preferred choice in music was actually jazz. Considering her reputation as a loud, boisterous party girl whose music was just as flashy as she was. Flipping through her records I actually recognized several of the artists. Billie Holiday, Nat king Cole and The Ink Spots were all a part of her collection and the amazing thing was that as far I could tell, they were some of the original vinyl, making them older and even more valuable than their holotape versions.

I was half tempted to take one out to hear one for myself but I was already breaking into her apartment, Verosika didn't need me messing something that was obviously important to her. Instead, I decided to fill the silence with my own music I had on holotape. So, it was to the lyrics of Orange Coloured Sky that I moved on to her bar.

The bar was of course filled with whiskey, bourbon and other had liquors. The bottles were all extravagant and fancy looking, no doubt to signify just how expensive they all were. Funnily enough, despite what I heard about Verosika being a heavy drinker, all the liquor here had a thin layer of dust. Whatever she was drinking, it clearly wasn't this stuff.

In the back of my mind, I had the urge to grab those bottles and take them for myself. I mean if she wasn't using them, then it's not like I would be hurting anyone.

I promptly squashed that feeling while rolling my eyes. "Shut up Roo."

Of course, it was about that time that I heard the elevator doors open and a large group of people walked out.

There were nine of them in total, five succubi, three incubi and one hellhound. The hellhound was the first one through the door, obviously a bodyguard of some sort. He was a tall man with broad shoulders and large muscles, two toned grey fur and a scar over his cloudy left eye. All that combined with his attire of torn pants, a black tanktop, and a black leather vest with red spike, it was obvious he was an experienced tough guy for hire.

The others were all well-known associates of the succubus I was after, known simply as Verosika's Crew. Of the three men, one of them was a skinny young looking man with black hair wearing a dark red letterman jacket with its sleeves torn off, a man with silver dyed hair with a black jacket and a black and red striped shirt, and a tall man with long spiked up hair with red tips, a chin beard, tattoo of a spade on his neck and wore an unzipped greaser jacket that showed of his chest and abs. The woman were all knockouts of course but all in their own ways. One woman was tall and lithe with thigh high boots, skirt, a net shirt that did literally nothing to cover her breasts with only two heart shaped pasties to hide her dignity and long beautiful hair. The next succubus was literally the exact opposite, being short and pudgy with short brown hair, tight jeans, and a red and white Poka dotted tube top. Her chubby form while usually seen as something unattractive actually worked for her, giving her bigger curves and a softer look. The last two ladies had similar builds, fit with wide hips, one with her blonde hair in a ponytail and wearing overalls with the legs cut off, and the other had a large afro, wearing net leggings, denim booty shorts and a tight sleeves black blouse.

Then there was Verosika Mayday herself. She was the curviest of the succubi and stood out the most. Her skin, wings and horns were all a bright hot pink with black markings and her hair was an ombre-white with pink undertones. Clothes wise, she wore black high heels, black skintight leather pants, a white corset with a black heart on the stomach, a pair of black fingerless gloves with white X and O on either one. Then to complete her look she had on a pale pink fur coat which vaguely matched her hair.

They were chatting among themselves and for a moment none of them even noticed me standing off to the side. The hellhound was the first to realize something was wrong, his nose twitching before he spun around to glare at me shortly followed by Verosika herself. The moment she saw me, her eyes widened and her face transformed into a scowl.

"Who the fuck are you!?" she yelled, finally getting the other's attentions.

I took a step forward, hands raised into the air to show that I wasn't hostile. "Hello miss Mayday. I don't mean you any-"

That was as far as I got before I had a large hellhound tackle me to the ground.

Having such a large man suddenly landing on top of you was not a fun experience and had I not been armored; he probably would have knocked the air out of my lungs. He was large and powerful man but unfortunately for him I had plenty of experience fighting super mutants in close quarters. The moment my back touched the ground, I used my legs to launch the hellhound off of me and into the wall headfirst.

Jumping to my feet, I rushed over to the bodyguard just as he was groggily beginning to pick himself back up. He was just about to get back on his feet only to be pushed back down to the floor by my boot on his back. Reaching down, I grabbed his left arm, pulled up towards me and gave it a light twist. Not hard enough to break anything but enough to hurt and let him know that I could break something if I wanted.

"Stay down. I don't want to hurt you." I said.

"Funny, I really want to hurt you." I heard Verosika say, followed by the sounds of several guns cocking.

Looking up from the dogman on the floor, I saw all eight of the sex demons pointing guns at me. They all had pistols ranging from several small .32's, a couple .38's, a few nine millimeters, Verosika herself had a Colt 6520 and the incubi with the spade tattoo had the largest gun, a .44 magnum.

"Get the fuck off of Tex before we blow you away and not in the fun way." The pornstar demanded.

"Not until you lot promise to at least hear what I have to say before you kick me out." I said, causing Verosika to scoff.

"Bitch you broke into my home, you're lucky I don't just shoot you here and now."

"Not that it would do you any good." I countered. "In fact, why don't we just take that option off the table now. Hey you, greaser boy."

The tallest incubus looked surprised before pointing at himself. "Who? Me?"

"Yeah, you." I clarified. "I'm going to need you to shoot me in the face."

That seemed to catch everyone off guard, even the still pinned hellound, Tex. They all looked at me like I was insane.

I rolled my head in exasperation. "Come on, we don't have all day."

The man glanced at Verosika who just shrugged at the unasked question. After that, the incubus took aim and pulled the trigger.

In the confined space of the penthouse, the gun's roar was practically deafening as the bullet slammed into my mask faster than the speed of sound. Normally, face masks were nowhere near strong enough to stop a normal bullet, let alone a .44. The mask of the Elite Riot Gear was a different matter. The mask had several features built in including low light vision, enhanced gas filtration system and a small radio communicator. On top of all that, the mask itself was built using the best armor technology the old world had to offer. So, when the magnum round slammed into face and rather piercing it, merely knocked my head back, it came as a massive surprise to everyone but myself.

I rolled my neck, trying to work out the discomfort that had caused me while the demons had a small silent freak out.

"Okay, what the fuck?!" Verosika yelled in shock.

"As you can see, your biggest gun wasn't enough to get through the thinnest part of my armor. Those peashooters won't do jack to me. So how about you all put the toys away and I'll let your guard dog up. Sound fair?" I asked.

Verosika looked conflicted, clearly not wanting to give up the means to defend herself but also knowing that what she did have wouldn't be enough, which left only one option. Talk it out and hope I didn't get violent.

In the end, she relented and with a sigh lowered her weapon. "Guns down sluts. We'll hear what the fucker has to say."

"Thank you." I said, letting go of Tex's arm and getting my foot off his back. He was on his feet in a moment, glowering down at me while softly growling. I easily met his one eyed and after a few moments he backed down with a grumble.

"Bullshit man. I can't believe I got taken down that fast. I feel like a pup who just got swatted for pissing on the carpet." He said, sounding more annoyed than angry.

"Hey man, don't beat yourself up over it." I said, clapping him on the shoulder. "I have decades of experience going hand to powerfist against things literally twice your size."

Walking away from the bodyguard, I passed by the rest of the crew who all glared at me but followed me to the sitting area. Without waiting to be invited to sit, I took a seat in the black leather chair across from the couch with my back to the window. Verosika sat down in the middle of the couch, sitting directly across from me with the rest of her crew either sitting next to her or standing behind the couch, obviously trying to use their numerical advantage to try and look more powerful.

I responded by pulling out my own pistol, causing several of them to briefly panic before I assured them, I was just evening the playing field before removing the magazine and ejecting the chambered round. I placed the empty weapon on the coffee table that was quickly followed by the ritual blade. After that I leaned back into the chair, trying to look as relaxed as possible.

"Alright asshole, say what you have to say and get out whoever you." Verosika said after taking off her pink coat, exposing her arms.

"The name's Paul and fine, I'll get straight to the point. I would like to hire your services."

This caused the succubus to roll her eyes. "Great, a psycho fan. If you wanted to fuck us, you could have just contacted my manager."

"No no no. Look I'm sure a night with you would probably be one of the most fun in my life, but right now I'm not interested in letting my pecker do the thinking for me. Besides, what I want to hire you for isn't something as simple as sex." I said, only to have the music star hold up her hand.

"Look, I don't particularly care what you want. Right now, what I want is a reason not to call security and have you thrown out and I don't particularly care how much money you have so don't think you can buy your way out of this." Verosika demanded.

I mentally cursed to myself. I had underestimated how upset she would be at my little break in. Normally I would offer people caps or some NAR dollars to help smooth things over, but since she was already rich that was a no go.

Maybe I could offer her something else then?

Music? I mean other than some of Vera Keyes' original recordings but other than that I didn't have much to offer that she didn't already have. Alcohol? Doubtful, considering her bar I didn't really have anything that might suit her tastes. Although there was one bottle of my own personal creation so that might work. Clothes? Yeah, I got the feeling anything I might offer her there would probably been seen as an insult.

Come on Paul, think. My eyes scanned the room looking for any more options. The bar, the vinyl, posters, a few awards. Nothing I could use to help the situation. My eyes darted back to Verosika herself, trying to take in every detail I could. I didn't notice any medical problems I could treat to ingratiate myself with her. Actually, she was surprisingly healthy given not only her line of work but her partying habits. Hell, I couldn't see a single blemish or scar on her flawless skin save for the tattoo on her right shoulder.

A stereotypical tattoo of a heart with someone's name inside.

A tattoo where the man's name had been crossed out.

A tattoo with a very familiar name.

Oh, you have got to be kidding me. What had that little bastard said? 'And I'm Blitzo. The O is silent by the way.' Well from what I had seen, the naming conventions of Hell were similar to the ones on Earth and Blitzo was a pretty unique name. If the two Blitzo were actually one in the same then there was an opportunity here.

"Well, what if I were to say I had in with a man named Blitzo with a silent O. A taller imp, bald with the right half of his face covered in what markings. Has a large set of horns and is an even larger piece of shit?"

Verosika just narrowed her eyes at me. "You met my asshole of an ex-boyfriend. So what?"

Heh, so they were the same person. Small afterlife. "Well, you see he recently tried to kill me. Didn't succeed of course, but I still took exception to that. So I thought I would let you know that if you ever planned on getting back with him, he probably won't be able to perform like he used to. I'm pretty sure there is much left below the belt after the kick gave him."

Verosika and her crew just stared at me for a few seconds. Then their leader broke out into a massive grin and letting out a small chuckle which quickly transformed formed into full blown laughter. She wasn't the only one as every member of her crew joined in and from what I could tell, it wasn't just to appease their boss, they were genuinely laughing. Tex even let out a few soft chuckles of his own but still managed to maintain his serous look.

"Oh man are you serious?!" the youngest looking incubus asked, Kat I believe was his name.

"Totally. I'm pretty sure I even felt one of his balls pop." I commented, causing a fresh wave of laughter. "Man, I didn't realize you guys hated the prick that much."

"Oh he's the worst." The blonde, Apple said as she recovered from her laughing fit.

"That's an understatement. Blitzo," Verosika said, emphasizing the O in his name. "is a massive douchebag who has screwed over many people and ruined so many lives that I host a party every year to help people cope."

"Wow!" I said genuinely impressed by just how shitty the guy sounded. "I'm surprised no one has killed this guy yet."

"Yeah, well he's similar to a cockroach in that way." Verosika said, finally calmed down and looked far less pissed. "Alright you brought me some good news and made me laugh. Your break in stunt is forgiven. Doesn't mean I'll be taking be taking whatever this job is though."

I didn't verbally respond. Instead, I fiddled with my pipboy and reatomized a small briefcase, placed it on the table and pushed it towards Verosika.

She sent me a questioning look before leaning forward and opening the briefcase. Her and her crew's eyes widened as they saw the bundles of cash, a hundred thousand mammons to be exact.

At first, I had gone out several nights and raided several well known gang hideouts and looted them of all their worth in preparation for this exchange. Unfortunately, they didn't have as much money as I thought they would so I had eventually been forced to ask Charlie for recommendations on where I could get lots of money quickly. I had not expected Charlie to literally shove stacks of cash into my arms and tell me to come talk to her if I needed more. It was then I learned something I really should have realized.

Charlie was loaded.

Given the fact that she was given an entire hotel by her father, it shouldn't have come as a shock, but for some reason I just couldn't wrap my head around the idea of the sweet and humble girl having a vast fortune at her fingertips. And it wasn't just vast, it was extreme. Robert House levels of wealth, me levels of wealth.

I felt slightly bad taking more money from her than I needed to but hey, I was putting it to good use.

"Wow. Okay I am much more open to making a deal. What is it you want us to do?"

"To simply make a portal." I said, only to nearly jump in my seat as Verosika slammed the lid closed and slid the suitcase back towards me.

"No deal." She said, crossing her arms.

"Umm, okay that's not what I was expecting." I said now off balance. "Can I ask why?"

"Because you're a sinner. Sure, you might not be a human sinner but you're still a sinner and not only is making a portal for you illegal it also wouldn't work for you." Verosika explained.

Oh, right. I had forgotten that only certain demons were authorized to visit Earth and allowed to own an asmodean crystal. Something tells me that just opening portals for any demon was not something the powers that be would allow.

"Well if it wouldn't work for me then there is really no harm in opening one is there?" I offered.

"You bet your ass there is and I'm not risking my neck over something as simple as money." She said before pulling out a flask of something that smelled both extremely sweet and powerful and taking a long pull.

She was right, she was a super successful singing and sex icon. She had plenty of money already. But what she didn't was a one of a kind booze that only I knew how to make.

"Well, if money isn't worth the risk, what would you say to a bottle of the single strongest moonshine to ever exist on either side of creation?" I asked with a smile.

Again, Verosika just scoffed. "Bitch I drink nothing but Beelzejuice, booze made personally by Beelzebub, the Sin of Gluttony herself. You think whatever piss you have can beat that?"

"I don't think, I know." I said confidently.

Verosika stared at me for a minute before letting out an amused chuckle.

"Alright big man, take a sip of it yourself and then let's see if you're so sure." She said passing her flask to me. I took it from her and even it was then I realized just how strong the stuff smelled even through my mask.

I just shrugged my shoulders before reaching up and taking off my helmet. Just like back at the Hazbin Hotel, my real appearance caught the demons by surprise, though it didn't take long for that surprise to quickly transform into blatant desire.

"Well, hello there." The tall succubus, Kiki said as she made her way over to sit on my chair's armrest, swaying her hips the entire way. "Now why would you go and hide a face like that behind a metal mask."

"Because if I didn't, I would constantly have to beat pretty ladies like you off with a baseball bat. Now I don't know if you're into that kind of thing but doing something like that would break my heart." I said before flashing her my best smile, and I swear I heard several of the crew let out low moans.

"Well, aren't you a lady killer." Verosika Said sounding amused and noticeably unaffected by my little act. "Now drink up and you tell me if your shit hits harder."

Not wanting to disappoint, I reatomized a glass cup and poured out two fingers of this 'Beelzejuice'. It came out as a beautiful golden yellow liquid that slightly glowed and underneath the strong alcoholic smell was a sweet scent that I identified as honey. It looked extremely appetizing but a voice in the back of my head was warning me not to drink something made by the Sin of Gluttony! Of course, I promptly told that voice to shut up and that once one started absorbing the souls of slain demons, there really wasn't much else you could do worse.

So, I took a sip from the glass and downed the infernal hooch.

It…well it was absolutely delicious. If I had to make a comparison it reminded me a lot like mead only the honey flavoring was far sweeter to the point I could barely taste the alcohol at first. The honey helped it go down, but the moment it hit the back of my throat the alcohol hit me full blast. I gasped as it practically knocked the breath out of me and I could feel it burning all the way down, far more intense than I had expected it to be. Verosika was right, this was definitely some of the best alcohol I had ever had.

"Woah, are you alright man?" Tex asked, actually looking concerned.

"Yeah, why?"

"Because you're glowing."

I gave him a raised eyebrow before pulling off my right hand glove and saw that I was in fact glowing a bright green, so bright I could literally see my bones through my skin. It looked exactly like what Charlie had described when I wandered back to the hotel after the Vee Bowl incident. It felt…warm for a lack of a better term. I felt an energy flowing through me similar to when I used my magic only it felt like it was my entire body this time.

"Huh, would you look at that." I said, feeling not at all worried or all that surprised by the turn of events. There was really nothing else I could do other than shrug and finish off the rest of the drink which somehow tasted even better with the second drink.

I let out a content sigh and after a few seconds, the glow dissipated and my skin went back to its usual tone.

"Well miss Mayday, I can definitely see why this stuff is your drink of choice. It definitely has a better taste than mine, but when it comes to kick, mine has yours beat." I said smugly.

"Bullshit." Was her curt reply.

"You don't believe me? then try it for yourself." I said before reatomizing a large glass jug of moonshine that I had made myself.

What appeared in my hands was not something someone would consider to be alcohol at first glance. The liquid was cloudy rather than clear with an iridescent shine, making it resemble a glowing oil slick more than anything else. On the bottle was a stylized red upper part of a human skull that was shaped like an apple. Below that in written in a gold font like the one used in the old drive in movies was the name of the drink. Human's Folly.

Human's Folly had been a pet project of mine a few years back. For someone like me who already had a powerful metabolism that had only been enhanced by mutations and cybernetic upgrades, it was next to impossible for me to get drunk. Naturally that was not something that could stand so I had visited breweries all across the wastelands, looking for something that could get me hammered. Unfortunately, that had all been in vain as seemingly nothing could get the job done. After those failures I had decided to if no one else could do the job right, I would have to do it myself.

So after years of constant trial and error I had finally found the perfect concoction that could get me sufficiently hammered. The base had been the moonshine recipe I had gotten from Marguerite in Point Lookout, using yeast, refined punga fruit and some battery acid. Then I threw in some Nuka-Cola Quantum for flavor and sprinkled in some red cloud residue to make it robust and to give it a good kick, some Cazador venom. Then while letting it all cook, I would take some mutant cave fungus, some Salient Green and a bottle of vodka and mix all together to create some Battle Brew. Then after taking the brew and mixing it together with the recently made moonshine from hell to get a concoction so toxic that it would kill most people with a single cup. Of course that wasn't quite enough for me, so to finish off the whole thing I would mix in some powdered ultracite.

What I had created could at best be described as a crime against God, but damn if it wasn't effective. The first time I had a bottle; I didn't get all my vision back for a week. Needless to say, it was a mission accomplished.

Pulling out the cork, the room was instantly flooded with a smell so intense that I saw several of the demon's eyes beginning to water. I poured out a single finger's worth of the brew into the glass before sliding it back over to Verosika.

She shot me a raised eyebrow as she eyed the small amount of booze in her cup. "Trust me, you'll want to take it slow with this." I assured her. She just shrugged before throwing the entire thing back.

For a moment she looked unimpressed, like she hadn't just swallowed something comparable to nuclear waste. Then her eyes went wide and her entire body tensed up and became as still as a statue, not a single part of her moved save for her twitching right eye.

"Hey Ver? Are you alright?" The silver haired incubus, Josh asked.

The only reply he got was when Verosika fell forward, her faceplanting into the coffee table with a hard sounding smack.

"Oh shit! Is she dead?!" The afroed Coco asked, sounding on the verge of a panic attack.

Thankfully her fears were unfounded as Verosika shoes that time to spring back to life, gasping for air and panting heavily. She braced herself on the coffee table, her arms the only things that were holding her up. Some of her bangs had come loose and fell in front of her intense looking eyes, giving her a manic appearance.

"Woah, are you alright boss?" Tex asked looking concerned about her health.

"Holy fucking cock and ball torture! What was in that?!" She said, finally looking back at me.

"Family secret. So, was that satisfactory for that refined pallet of yours?" I asked, only to have to physically hold the music star back as she lunged for the bottle of Human's Folly. She looked practically feral as she reached for the bottle in my hand.

"Gimme it now!" she said, her voice full of desperate longing.

"Ah ah ah! Not until you agree to open a portal for me." I demanded and Verosika immediately nodded her head in agreement.

"Fine, FINE! I'll open your stupid portal. Not like it will do you any good." The star said, finally managing to calm herself before stomping off.

Once she was gone, the atmosphere quickly turned awkward, her crew all just kind of string at me, not quite sure how to deal with their boss' sudden turnaround. Obviously, I tried to break the ice.

"So, you guys ever been to New Vegas?" I asked.

"The party town full of gamblers and hookers? Oh hell yeah! It was a few years ago, actually. Why, is that where you're trying to go?" Apple asked and I nodded.

"Yep. It's my hometown. You ever visit any of the casinos?"

"Yeah, we tried to hit as many of them as we could." The short succubus, Milky said. "We had heard about this one awesome place called Gomorrah, but apparently it had been out of business for a few years. Too bad. The place sounded fun."

"Oh nonono. Trust me, that would be the last place you lot would want to be." I said, shaking my head. "The Omertas were not the kind of people you took lightly. Knowing how you guys operate, they either would have had you all killed for costing them some business or captured you all to turn into some fresh product."

"Oh they were that kind of place." Coco said sounding annoyed. "Nasty freaks. Sex isn't something that should be forced like that, just let the passion flow naturally. Hey guys remember those White Glove guys."

"You mean the masked people who had a cannibal vibe to them?" Kat asked.

Coco nodded. "Yeah, those prudes. When they kicked us out for 'causing a scene'," She said with air quotes. "Remember what we did to get back at them?"

That caused everyone save Tex, who seemed to be sniffing the air, to chuckle.

"Oh shit, the fountain orgy! I completely forgot about that!" the tattooed incubus, Ace, said.

"Orgy in the fountain? What do you… wait a minute that was you assholes?!" I yelled, catching the crew by surprise. "Do you have any idea how long it took for me to convince Marjorie not to electrify the fountain after your mess!"

Of course that only caused them to laugh some more as I just grumbled to myself.

"Hey Paul," Kiki asked, still sitting on my armrest. "Were you serious earlier when you said you had fought people twice Vortex's size?" She tried to make it sound innocent, but I caught her glancing at my arms, probably imagining what they looked like underneath the duster.

"Well I did come from the wasteland and you all know the kinds of nasties that are walking around up there. Well, you're looking at someone who's beaten super mutants to death. You do know what super mutants are, right?"

My question caused them all to start laughing again, all except Josh who wouldn't look at anyone while having a half angry, half embarrassed look on his face.

"I'll take that as a yes and that there's a story here." I said, motioning towards the pouting incubus.

"You bet your sweet ass there is." Ace said. "A year back, we were visiting this cute little village on the east coast. We were doing our thing and having some fun when we hear that there's small raiding party of those big green fuckers nearby. So, we all decide to hunker down for the night while the locals plan an ambush for the mutants in the morning. Except Josh here hadn't found anyone to suit his needs because he likes 'em big and thick, and so he gets in in his head to sneak out to find those bastards and give them something else to raid."

My jaw fell open as I stared at the incubus, beyond shocked at both the insanity and stupidity I had heard. "You tried to seduce a group of super mutants!?"

"Emphasis on tried." Milky said while chuckling. "When we woke up, Josh was gone and we looked everywhere for him only for him to come walking up to us an hour later with the local militia in tow. It turns out that the village boys were able to easily kill the big bitches were all distracted getting ready to cook their breakfast. They were apparently really in the mood for Josh-stew."

"Seriously, they completely misunderstood what I meant when I said 'eat me out'." Josh said trying to defend himself only to cause more laughter.

"Wow, you are a special kind of stupid, aren't you." I said with my own amused smile.

"Can you blame me? All those big muscle bound brutes; it sounds like paradise. I mean can you imagine how big they are under those loincloths?" Josh said with a perverted smile, seemingly lost in his own fantasy.

"Yeah I can. Nonexistent." I said, causing them all to look at me confused.

"What do you mean?" Kat asked.

"You do all know that super mutants have literally nothing going on down there right? They don't have any genitalia." I clarified.

The looks of shock and horror on the faces on the demons of lust was priceless and made me really wish that I had brought a camera. I guess the very idea of something literally not being able to have sex was anathema to them.

"Oh my Asmodeus. Those pour things." Apple said, looking like she was on the verge of tears.

"Man, now I actually feel bad for those fuckers." Josh said only to look even more horrified as he realized something. "Oh shit I can't even call them that!"

"No wonder they are all so violent. To have the need yet to never be able to experience the glory of an orgasm? That would drive anyone to madness." Kiki said.

I just rolled my eyes at the over the top way they tried to cope with the information. "Oh don't be all so melodramatic, they're all asexual, no sex drive whatsoever. Hell, the vast majority don't even understand the concept of sex."

And just like that, the looks of horror were back in full force, only this time even more intense. This time Apple wasn't just on the verge of tears, she was actually bawling her eyes out. Kat, Milky and Josh were reciting what sounded like a sexually charged prayer. Ace, the toughest looking of them actually got up, ran over to a nearby trash can and emptied his stomach.

It was at that moment that Verosika returned with a pink crystal attached to a golden necklace.

"Alright I'm ba-what the fuck?!" She said in shock before glaring at me. "What did you do?"

"Apparently telling them a horror story. Now, shall we?" I said as I got up from the chair, set the bottle down, grabbed my weapons and made my way over to the succubus. As I did, I passed Vortex who took a large sniff as I did.

"Can you not?" I told him with a glare.

"Sorry man you just smell…weird." He said while rubbing the back of his head.

"Still, you need to cool it man."

Standing next to Verosika, she held up the necklace for me to see. The asmodean crystal no doubt.

"So where do you want it?" She asked.

"Like I told your crew, I want to go to New Vegas. If you could be more precise, I would actually like it if you could open it in the Goodsprings cemetery."

"Weird but yeah, I can do that." She said before gently stroking the crystal, causing it to glow. Then bright pink energy coalesced in the air and then suddenly, in the middle of the room appeared a diamond shaped portal. All around the edges of the portal were crystalline patterns hanging in the air that admitted a faint hum.

On the other side of the portal, everything was dark, the dawn was still hours away so it was the stars and the full moon that hung in the air rather than the sun. the surrounding area was barren sand with the only things of not being the large water tower and the surrounding graves marked by wooden boards. Off in the distance was in a world covered in darkness was a city of light, an oasis in the desert. From atop the hill where the portal had appeared, I could make out the hotels and casinos that breathed life into the city. Once there had only been five, but as the years had gone by and the city's power and wealth grew, so did the number of casinos. There were dozens of them, each providing their own unique atmosphere and services. Yet there was one that stood out amongst the rest. A large tower that lit up the night and designed to resemble a roulette turret.

What had once been known as the Lucky 38 had been a tomb, a tower from which the still living corpse of Mr. House could reign from on high. Until me, no living soul had set foot inside the place for over two centuries. The place had been a hollow shell, a geniuses' attempt to capture and preserve a piece of a world long dead. Once I had taken over, I had remade the Lucky 38, changing everything about it. The carpets, the lights, the color scheme and even its name had been removed and transformed and for all intents and purposes the Lucky 38 was no more. In its place stood the Wildcard, a tower full of light and life, welcoming all who had made the journey.

I stared at the Wildcard off in the distance. Although I knew it was all in my head, I swear I could hear its music playing from here. I let out a sigh of relief as I took in the familiar sight as well as knowing the end of my little journey was in sight.

Without any hesitation I strode forward and stepped through the portal back to Earth.

Only to smack face first into an invisible.

"What the fuck?" I said rubbing my nose.

Reaching out to the portal, my hand touched something transparent and solid, not giving at all. The way it felt reminded me of some of the many forcefields I had encountered in the wasteland. And if this was like those forcefields then it was practically impenetrable.

"No. No. No no no nnonononono!" I said while constantly slamming my hands on the portal. "Fuck mother piece of shit fuck! This cannot be happening! I was so damn close!"

"I don't know why you are so surprised. You knew it wouldn't work for sinners like you." Verosika said from behind me. I spun around to glare at her, causing everyone to take a step back.

"Except it should have! I should have been able to use that loophole to get out of here and back to Earth where I belong! Those things are made so that sinners can't use them." I pointed at her necklace's crystal. "So! Why! Can't! I! Go! Through!" I said, turning around and punching the portal at every word.

"What are you talking about? Asmodean crystals aren't designed to not let sinners use them. They're designed to only be able to be used by hellborn."

That caused me to freeze in place. That couldn't be right…could it? Because if that were true then that means rather than being able to take advantage of a loophole that kept certain people from getting out, it would actually only let specific people in. to the vast majority of hell, that was a distinction without a difference. Yet to a living human like me, that meant that this portal was useless.

I let out a long disappointed sigh as I learned my back against the portal, feeling a wave of defeat washing over me while I let out a humorless chuckle. "And here I was thinking I was clever, that I could use that 'no sinners allowed' loophole to my advantage. One big cosmic joke."

"Seriously, what are you talking about man?" Vortex asked. "You keep on talking about loopholes like the rules don't apply to you. Hell, you almost act like you aren't really…a…demon."

The moment he said those words, his eyes widened in shocked realization and his jaw fell open. I didn't hesitate for a moment before rushing over to him, unholstering Lil Devil and shoving the barrel under his chin. I stared into his one good eye, glaring at him with all the fury I could muster to let him know just how serious I was.

"Oh shit." I heard Verosika mutter beside me, no doubt coming to the same conclusion as her bodyguard. "You're a human."

Her announcement sent a wave of disbelief through her crew her were obviously slower on the uptake.

"I knew you smelled weird and now I guess I know why. You're alive." Vortex said, trying not to look bothered by the weapon poised to blow his head off.

"But that's not possible! A human can't get into Hell. Not alive anyway." The star said, a bit of panic in her voice.

"Blame your piece of shit ex for that." I spat. "Fucker tried to kill me and then ran away when he realized he was a mole rat who picked a fight with a deathclaw. I followed him through a portal and the rest is history.

Now you all seem like a relatively smart group of demons with somewhat working survival instincts." I said before briefly glancing over at Josh. "So, I'm going to let you all know that it would be in your best interests to not let a word of me being a human ever get out. So, I'm going to need you all to go against you instincts and keep your mouths closed. Got it!"

There was a chorus of agreements and nodding heads, all agreeing to keep mum about my existence. So I removed my pistol from the hellhound's head, put it away and took a step back before turning back to Verosika.

"Alright, I'm going to need you to open up another portal for me."

"Woah hey, we only agreed on one and you know it won't work for you." The succubus tried to deny.

"Lady, I am paying you a hundred thousand mons and leaving you with one of few bottles of my own personal booze I have left. Since I can't get to Earth, I'll get my money's worth a different way."

She looked conflicted for a few seconds before deciding that no matter how she looked at it, I was the one holding all the power here. "Fine. Where do you want it." She said holding up the necklace again.

I turned around and pointed at the portal where the city of Vegas could still be seen. "I want you to open a portal to the southeastern part of the Wildcard's penthouse. Can you do that?"

Verosika gave a nod. "Yeah, I can do that." Then just like before, there was a flash of pink energy and suddenly the portal showed the distant city of light in the desert had changed. Now the portal showed someplace inside with large windows and bank of monitors, a single massive one in the center with two smaller screens on each side of it. On the center screen was a large cartoon face with big eyes and a goofy looking grin.

"Well would you look at that. A portal! Isn't that swell! As neat as this is, I'm going to need you to identify yourselves or I will be forced to active my security systems and kill you all!" a chipper electronic sounding voice said, causing me to smile.

I stepped up to the portal so that I could easily be seen by the computer. "Hi there Yes Man, don't worry it's just me."

"Paul! It is so nice to see you! But shouldn't you be in Canada? Also I am pretty sure you didn't have access to any advanced teleportation technology in your cabin. Also that is not your cabin. Also there was a bunch of red skinned and horned people with bat wings standing behind you along with a bipedal wolf….You got up to something crazy again, didn't you?" Despite the happy tone of voice, I knew that Yes Man would be facepalming if he were physically capable of doing so.

"You could say that. I don't really know how else to put so I'll just come out and say it. Through a series of unfortunate events, I am currently trapped in Hell. The real Hell, as in the place of literal damnation. On the plus side, I now have confirmation that there is one hundred percent in fact an afterlife."

The AI was silent for a minute, clearly having trouble processing the information. "Oh, well that's certainly a step above your usual misadventures. May I ask what it was that killed you?"

"Yeah…that's sort of the problem. I'm not actually dead, just sort of stuck here. This demon portal was supposed to be my ticket home but as it turns out, it's demon only. So, since I can't leave just yet, I decided to let you know so you could tell the council and let them know about my situation. My yearlong sabbatical might actually be a bit longer than I intended."

"Oh I understand now! You want me to tell Nora and the others just in case things go bad and you are eternally damned, they can take over the NAR in your stead. Good idea! Would you also like me to inform the Think Tank of your unfortunate circumstances so they start working on a way to remedy the situation?" He asked.

"No, GOD no!" I answered immediately. "The last thing I need are those nutcases not only knowing the afterlife exists, but to give them ideas about opening dimensional portals. Letting them know is an absolute last resort. In the meantime, everything should just be another day at the office while I work on finding a way back from my side of things."

"Whatever you say boss! Is there anything thing else you need me to do?" He asked.

"No, that should all for-" I said before stopping myself as an idea popped into my head. "Actually, there is one thing you can do for me. Can you get one of the securitrons to go grab my personal vending machine?"

"Sure can boss! It will just take a moment."

I stood there in silence while waiting, yet all the while I could feel the stares of the demons on me. looking to my right, I saw Verosika staring at me with wide eyes and her mouth hanging slightly open.

"What?" I asked.

"Take over the NAR in your stead? That means you're the one in charge right now. Holy shit! You're the fucking King in Yellow!" She screamed, causing me to let out a groan.

"Oh for the love of…only the cultists call me that! Normal people just call me the King thank you very much."

Thankfully my annoyance was short lived because it was right then when one my large, bulky and heavily armored securitrons came up to the portal carrying my own personal vending machine.

The vending machine in question wasn't anything like what most people would imagine. Its base resembled an old large standing wooden radio, only with no dial, a couple of buttons and a coin slot. On top of the base sat a vertical circular device that glowed a cyan blue and a stand to place items.

The vending machine was yet another miracle of science I had taken from the Sierra Madre. It wasn't so much a vending machine as it was a matter disassembler and fabricator. It could take an item placed on the pedestal, break it down on the atomic level and then take that material and create special allowed coins. After that, you could then take those coins, reinsert them into the machine and it would break them down and then fabricate whatever item you had selected on its holographic display.

These machines had been one of the few advantages I had while stuck in the toxic hell that was the Sierra Madre and had helped keep me alive. And while the machines there had been limited on what they would accept in exchange for coins and what they could create, that had only been an artificial limitation put on them by Sinclair. Once I had control of the Big Empty, the place where they had been built, it was rather simple to unlock all of its capabilities. To put it into simple terms, it could break down and then be used to make literally anything as long as it had the schematics.

And now I with a push of a button, I could have access to replicas of all my gear.

Pulling the vending machine though the portal had been awkward, what with its odd shape as well as not being able to reach through to get a better grip on the device. I eventually managed to get it on this side of existence and once I did, I immediately atomized it. It was extremely heavy and had I been carrying my usual gear, there was no way I could have moved above a snail's pace. Thankfully I was carrying a much lighter load than normal so I just managed to just be underneath my pipboy's weight limit.

"Thanks Yes Man, you have no idea how much this is going to help me here." I said smiling.

"You're welcome Paul! And honestly? I really hope you're not damned for the rest of time!" The AI replied.

"You and me both buddy. Take care." I said just as the portal began to flicker and close, disappearing completely.

I let out one last sigh before turning around and making my way towards the balcony, ignoring the demon's stares the entire way. I opened up the window and prepared to jump down, only to turn back towards Verosika and her crew.

"Sorry to have interrupted your night and everything, you seem like an okay group of demons. But remember what I said, zip your lips and have a good day."

I gave them one last nod before I jumped over the ledge.

…-…

Pride Ring, Hazbin Hotel

"Charlie as much as I want to support you on this, I really can't." Vaggie said to her girlfriend.

"What? Why not?" The princess said sounding confused.

"Because you are not a trained psychologist. You can't just show people some inkblots, ask them to play word association games and suddenly you know what's wrong with someone and how to fix them."

"Whaaat? No that's not what I was going to do at all." Charlie said, before quickly opening her planning journal and quickly marking out her therapy plans. She let out a long sigh as she stared at all her ideas of how to redeem the sinners of her hotel, not quite sure what to do now.

"Alight, what's wrong." The former exorcist asked.

"Nothing, just wishing Paul was here to bounce some ideas off of him."

That caused Vaggie to recoil in shock as she stared at Charlie. "Really, why?"

"Because he's not like most other sinners. It seems like he actually cares about what happens to people. Sure, he might be a little bloodthirsty-"

"He blew up a stadium full of thousands of demons." Vaggie interrupted with a half lidded stare.

"But he only did it to save the prisoners there. Plus look how happy Sir Pentious is." She said, pointing at the snake man in question. The serpent sinner was humming away as he worked on a mass of metal parts that was supposedly going to become a robot. The shocking part was that he wasn't shut away in his workshop, instead choosing to hang out in the lobby and chat with the others while he did his thing.

"He's actually interacting with the people without threating them or accusing them of wanting to kill him. All because Paul helped him build that jetpack. He's a good person, and more than that he's the most human."

"W-what do you mean by that?" Vaggie asked, looking a bit nervous, which went completely unnoticed by the princess.

"He only fell recently and the first thing he did was come here. He doesn't go out and gives in to all the sin like other people do and actually helped people. Everyone else has been in hell longer than they were alive and I know you don't like talking about your time on earth, but I know you spent most of it in an army. I don't want to make light of it but it really doesn't help you understand and connect with most people. I may not know what Paul's life was like but he acts like he's seen a lot and he just gets people. He's made friends with everybody except Niffty and Alastor who both…uh, acquired tastes.

Anyways, I was just wishing I could get some advice."

Charlie's words caused Vaggie to stare at her feet, not wanting to meet Charlie's gaze as she steeled her nerves, trying to prepare herself for what she was about to tell her.

"Charlie, there is something I have to tell you…about Paul. He ah, he-"

"Is back!"

Th two ladies turned their heads toward the door, one with a smile and the other with a shocked expression. Standing there with a smile of his own was Paul, having just closed the door behind him.

"Hey Paul! We were just talking about you!" Charlie said, rushing over to greet him with Vaggie close behind.

"Hello my friend! How was the second flight? Did those wings make a difference?" Sir Pentious asked as he set down his tools and made his way over to the small group.

"The wings worked beyond expectations. I made it all the way over to Imp City and back without any issues. Being able to fly through the air like that is literally a dream come true for me."

"If it was really that fun then I'm almost surprised you actually came back." Vaggie said, staring into Paul's eyes, making sure her message was clear. 'Why are you still in Hell?'

"I was tempted, but obviously things don't always work out the way we wanted them to. You guys are still stuck with me." He said, his smile slightly strained. "But enough about that, I have a present I picked up while was out. You guys are gonna love it."

As they made there way over to the wall by the bar, none of them noticed the tall, hatted woman standing in the shadows, watching the human and his friends with a smile on her face.

…-…

Pride Ring, Niflheim

The City of Niflheim was one of the most ancient in all of Pride. It was located in the northern wastelands and amongst some the highest and most treacherous of the mountains. It was here that the freezing bitter winds and the constant humidity combined to keep the land in a perpetual winter. It was because of these rough terrain and terrible weather that the city had been kept mostly safe outside forces. It also helped that its citizens were some of the toughest and most stubborn sinners to fall into Hell.

The city, as the name would suggest, was founded and still controlled by Vikings, norse raiders and pillagers that had struck fear into the hearts of villagers all across Europe and beyond. At first it had been nothing more than huts and longhouses, but as the centuries went by, they had modernized until amongst the mountains sprouted skyscrapers. Considering the type of people who had founded Niflheim, it was a surprisingly stable place with very little in the way of major power plays.

That's not to say that there was no conflict, the people there always made sure to remember their bloody roots. It's just that no matter how many sinners ascended to Overlord status, no one could ever wrestle control away from the three founders.

Once upon a time, three Warlords had banded together to conquer all who had stood before them, until they eventually settled down to create a place of their own, becoming Overlords instead. The first was Garm, the Lord of Wolves, for it was he who kept order in the city and from whom the finest of meads flowed. The second was Hraesvelgr, the Lady of Eagles, and it was she who brokered trade deals with other cities and produced the finest weapons from the bygone ages. The third and final Overlord was Berserkir, Lord of Bears, who had the largest standing army that would crush all invaders as well as produced some of the most potent combat drugs Hell had ever seen. These three had ruled for a millennia and it was because of their iron wills that Niflheim survived and prospered.

And now Niflheim burned.

For the first time in recent memory, an army had attacked the frozen city and actually managed to put it to the torch. An army of tens of thousands, possibly hundreds of thousands, ran through the streets, fighting the defenders and slaughtering the inhabitants. In contrast to the Norse themed defenders, the invaders wore armor made of hardened leather, reinforced steel and old world ceramic combat armor, all of it made to look pseudo roman. They wore cloth of black and blood red with their equipment designed to look like polished brass.

They wielded bladed weapons of all kinds ranging from simple things like machetes and kukris to more advanced weapons of war like combat chainsaws, ballistic fists and thermic lances. Yet they did not just fight in close quarters combat, they also wielded firearms of a variety of make and models from automatic rifles, shotguns and lever action repeaters to 12.7 mm submachineguns, .44 trail carbines and massive anti-materiel rifles.

With blade and gun, they tore through the defenders with a ruthless savagery that put the entrenched defenders on the backfoot. Yet what truly stunned the warriors of Niflheim was their enemies' willingness to take hits that would leave a normal sinner writhing in agony and simply keep going.

The attackers came in mass, flooding through the streets as one massive horde as they tore apart everything in their path. Fortress's that that had stood for centuries as the first line of defense were the first targets to fall, blown apart by hidden explosives that had been placed well in advance of the main force. So brutal was their offensive that peacekeepers were almost immediately overwhelmed and Garm, a millennia old Overlord, was cut literally cut in half by the leader of the horde himself and his head mounted on their banner.

Hraesvelgr was the next to fall, her wings ripped from her back as the enemies stormed her factories and pillaged her greatest works. Her feathers had been plucked, her body maimed and ravaged as her naked form was nailed to the wall of her office. There had been many wounds, but only one obviously lethal. A gaping hole in her chest where her heart had been carved out.

The battle raged on, the city drowning in blood and the streets were filled with the screams of the victims. It was a cacophony of carnage and suffering, and yet there was something else in the air. There were the drum beats of battle, the cries of fury as a warrior struck down another foe, and above it all there was a rhythm. A hymn of conflict, a battlefield choir, a song of war.

And its practitioners sang it proudly.

"~In the heat of the blazing fire, we march with iron will. Our banners fly, the Legion's cry, echoes on the hill. From the banks of the river Styx to Niflheim's frozen land, we fight, we bleed, we conquer for the Warlord's grand command.~"

Blades glinted in the fire light and cracks of exploding gun powder drowned out pleas for mercy. Men and woman dressed in red and brass cut down all who would oppose them and once they were on the ground, too wounded to fight back, that's when the picks would come out. Small and easily concealed, the pick's thin shafts all glowed a holy silver, ending their victims' afterlives.

"~To be a Legionnaire, to mercy say goodbye. With strength and honor in our hearts we march, we fight, we die. We fought the Eagle, we fought the Wolf, and now we fight the Bear. To serve the Bull with honor, to be a Legionnaire!~"

Civilians and non-combatants all fled in fear, yet running did not save them. No matter how fast they were, the soldiers were faster, slicing and shooting the legs of their prey whenever they could before pouncing on their prize. They would then be dragged away, kicking and screaming.

"~We are the blade in the Warlord's hand, sharp and swift our steel. With discipline and order, our enemies will kneel. No weakness in our ranks, no mercy in our stride. To uphold the Legion's glory, and fight for Legion's pride.~"

Above the attacking army fluttered a blood red banner with a yellow bull emblazoned upon the field. A symbol that struck terror into all who witnessed it.

"~To be a Legionnaire, to mercy say goodbye. With strength and honor in our hearts we march, we fight, we die. We fought the Eagle, we fought the Wolf, and now we fight the Bear. To serve the Bull with honor, to be a Legionnaire!~"

Not even the hellborn demons were safe, as hellhound father struggled to in the grasps of the invaders, desperately trying to break free to reach his terrified wife and children. Yet it was all for nought as a man ran his blade through his neck. The last thing he saw was his terrified pups being ripped from their mother's arms as two more men pinned her down and began to tear at her clothes.

"~Through ash and blood and iron, the flag flies in the air. A funeral march for enemies, profligates beware! We'll slaughter wives and children, no profligates we spare! To fight, to serve our Warlord, to be a Legionnaire!~"

Elsewhere, on top of the tallest tower, Overlord Berserkir fought with all of his might. He resembled a humanoid polar bear standing nine feet tall, clad in black steel scale armor and helmet the covered his upper skull. In his clawed hands he held a massive axe, one that he used to cleave a pseudo roman in half before turning around and burying it in the chest of another who was sneaking up on him. Then he unleashed a roar of freezing cold winds that froze the group attacking solid. With a swipe of his clawed hand, he shattered them all, sending shards of them flying in all directions. After that attack, he heard the crunching of feet steps to his right and swung again, only to have his attack easily deflected.

"~To be a Legionnaire, to mercy say goodbye. With strength and honor in our hearts we march, we fight, we die. We fought the Eagle, we fought the Wolf, and now we fight the Bear. To serve the Bull with honor, to be a Legionnaire!~"

Standing there was another sinner, and if Berserkir was tall, then this one was massive. Standing at a daunting thirteen feet tall, the sinner's humanoid body was completely covered in iron armor several inches thick and colored brass, similar to his troops. He also wore a black and red combat skirt with a bright red tattered cape hanging from his spiked shoulders. His head on the other hand was clearly not human, instead taking on the image of a bull's head, one with skin and horns of glistening brass. The tip of his left horn had broken off at some point, from his forehead protruded a blade that looked to have been bolted on and from the back of his head protruded a horizontal plume of red and black hair. His face was set into a vicious scowl, around his mouth hung a beard composed of strands of brass and his eyes glowed red as if lit by the fires of war itself.

Yet that was not the details that Berserkir focus on, but the massive, rugged blade he held in his hands, nearly as long as the man was tall. That, and its silver edge.

"So the Brazen Bull shows himself at last. I have to say, when I heard you were marching your army here, I thought you were merely another fool who though himself mighty because you had crushed a few insignificant war bands and conquered a few worthless cities. Clearly, I underestimated you." Berserkir said as he readied his weapon.

"And I have overestimated you." The conquer said in a deep baritone, not even bothering to raise his weapon. "I had thought you a warrior, but now I see that you abandoned the path long ago when you chose to hide yourself away in this city of frozen stone."

The Lord of Bears snarled at the insult, his blue eyes blazing with fury. "I am a warrior beyond compare you impudent little child! For a thousand years I have ruled and crushed all who would challenge me! I have won more battles than years you have existed! Who are you to dismiss me?!"

"Your better."

Berserkir had had enough and charged forward with a bellow of rage. He swung with all his might, yet his strike was blocked by the bull's massive blade. Undeterred, he attacked again only to be met with the same result. It went like that for a minute straight, with ever strike being easily repelled by the larger man, not even making him budge. After yet another useless strike, the bull decided enough was enough and unleashed an attack of his own.

The Overlord tried to block the strike, only for the blade to easily cleave through his weapon and it was only because of a last second dodge that the bear didn't lose an eye. With his weapon destroyed, Berserkir only had one choice to stop a follow up attack, so he gathered power in his chest and let loose another freezing roar. It didn't even last a second before a massive fist crashed into his jaw, completely shattering the bone and sending the man flying across the rooftop.

Berserkir tumbled across the roof but he was an experienced combatant and managed to quickly recover and get onto his feet. It's just to bad that as soon as he stood up, his opponent's blade pierced his chest and exited out the back. In the span of a second, the Brazen Bull had managed to cross the entire rooftop, a feat of speed that should not have been possible of someone so large.

Berserkir shakily looked down at the weapon that had impaled him before shifting his gaze upwards to look his killer in the eyes.

"You may have once been strong, but your decision to hide away her in these mountains robbed you of your spirit. Here you remained, your skills atrophying, your strength withering, your fangs rotting and your claws dulled. Before you die, know that I will grind the city you built into dust, your people conquered with the strongest among them given a chance to join my Legion. The rest will find their rightful place as our slave. Now die, knowing that you were found wanting." The bull said as his foe became just another corpse, one that he removed from his blade by casually flinging the body off the building to fall to the bedlam below.

Standing there at the edge of the tower, watching Niflheim burn, the monstrous bull could still hear the war song of his men even all the way up here. Their voices were strong and proud.

"~To march and fight for honor, to rip and shred and tear! To slay all hope and mercy, to trample out all prayers! To drown the world in ash again and that is why we dare! To live and die for glory, to be a Legionnaire!~"

The man's scowl transformed into a monstrous grin as their words made their way to his ears. And here he pondered to himself, was there anything greater than crushing your enemies? To see them driven before you, to hear the lamentation of their women and to feel their blood splatter as they drew their last breath? No, there was not.

And so, as war consumed the infernal city, Warlord Lanius was content.

…-…

And that's a wrap. What a doozy of chapter.

I.M.P. makes a return and now have an idea of what to do, Paul had a pretty good conversation with a primordial abomination, hung out with as well as traumatized a group of hard working sex demons, had his way back to earth taken from him but still managed to get ahold of a scientific miracle, and the Monster of the East has a grand ol' time in hell.

Now you all might be wondering about that capacity for Evil Roo was talking about, but I want you to think about just how evil the Lone Wanderer and the Courier can truly be. Go take a look at their Villian Wikis, things can get pretty dark and messed up. And like I explained, Roo saw all that potential and rather than succumbing like most people, Paul rose above the darkness and became a beacon of light in a twisted and cruel world. The fact that he's only a bloodthirsty battle junkie is a miracle in itself.

Now if you can, would you please leave a review? It helps inspire me to write faster.

Anyways, I hope you all have a great day!