Thru Friends Eyes Only a Lois Griffin Story
It shows the Other Meg in her office working on a video player, she looks back and says to camera, "Oh, hi." She stands up and continues, "Today I wanted to show you something special it's new and something you didn't ask for." She then pulls out a movie, "Goonies 2 Gooning to the Limit, which I'm pretty sure is not a porno." She goes to put the movie in and it gets stuck, "Damnit, ugh." She looks back at the camera throwing her hands up saying, "While I'm fixing this here's something I hope you'll really enjoy."
(The scene fades to white then turns slowly into clouds panning towards the Griffin house.)
Scene changes to inside the Griffin home.
"Okay Peter I'm heading out with Alice." Says Lois opening the front door.
"Man you really have been spending a lot of time with Alice lately…Are…are you queer?" Asks Peter turning to her from the couch.
"From the contents of your browser history that really isn't a problem for you, remember your last search Fat Butt Rodeo Two:Redheads on Fire?" Lois replies looking at Peter.
"Fair enough…now if you'll excuse me I have a computer to use." Peter says walking to his laptop and typing Bitch Wife the Fuckening, when he gets a text.
I can see what you're typing. I installed child internet monitoring last night.(Says Lois's text)
"Damnit!" Cries Peter putting his head in his hands in defeat.
Later at the Park.
(It shows Lois walking with Alice as At Seventeen begins playing.)
I learned the truth at seventeen...
That love was meant for beauty queens...
(Alice turns and smiles at Lois; she smiles back at her.)
And high school girls with clear skinned smiles...
Who married young and then retired...
(Alice glitches into a young Peter who smiles warmly at her.)
The valentines I never knew!
(Peter grabs Lois's hand and they continue walking.)
The Friday night charades of youth!
Were spent on one more beautiful...
(It shows moments of her and Peter spending time together.)
At seventeen I learned the truth!
(It shows Lois at Mcjiggers singing as the camera spins around her.)
And those of us with ravaged faces!
Lacking in the social graces!
(She begins tapping her foot, gripping the microphone tightly.)
Desperately remained at home...
Inventing lovers on the phone!
(She begins to cry.)
Who called to say, "Come dance with me!"
And murmured vague obscenities...
it isn't all it seems at seventeen...
(The scene flashes back to Lois in the middle school bathroom after being pranked.)
A brown eyed girl in hand me downs...
Whose name I never could pronounce...
(Another girl knocks on the bathroom stall asking if Lois is okay.)
Said: "pity please the ones who serve
they only get what they deserve!"
(The scene changes to when Peter won Lois's heart at the Country Club.)
And rich relationed hometown queen!
Marries into what she needs!
(Peter smiles at Lois.)
With a guarantee of company!
And haven for the elderly...
(The scene cuts back to Mcjiggers with lois.)
Remember those who win the game!
Lose the love they sought to gain!
(Lois pulls her arm in then reaches outwards.)
In debitures of quality and dubious integrity!
Their small-town eyes will gape at you!
In dull surprise when payment due!
(Donna and Bonnie walk by noticing Lois and look through the window.)
Exceeds accounts received at seventeen...
(Lois finishes wiping her eyes.)
"Lois, where have you been?" Demands Donna walking into Mcjiggers.
"Hanging out with Alice, why?" Replies Lois with Alice stepping up from the table and waving at Donna.
"That is a child Lois!" Says Donna almost shouting.
"I'm 29 you crone, maybe loosen your damn weave it's cutting off the oxygen to your already aging brain." Replies Alice with a smirk.
"I will smack the white off this bitch, Bonnie hold my wedding ring." Says Donna preparing to strike Alice.
"Come on, there's enough of me to go around." Says Lois stepping between Alice and Donna.
"No Lois, it's either us or her now make your choice!" Declares Donna, "Right Bon?" She says.
"Don't care." Replies Bonnie not looking up from her phone.
"Well I care, now make your decision!" Says Donna loud enough for all the place to hear.
"Know what, screw this…" Says Alice turning around and leaving.
"Now look what you've done Donna!" Exclaims Lois angrily.
"Excuse me ladies, can you keep it down? We have a birthday party going on." Says a Manager walking up.
"Oh I'm sorry what table so I can go apologize." Says Donna in remorse and the Manager points at a table in the back of the room so she walks up, "I'm sorry now who is the birthday person."
"I am ma'am." Smiles a little Boy.
"What's your name?" Asks Donna with a smile.
"Mikey Jr." Replies the Little Boy cheerfully.
"Awww well mikey, you can thank that bitch for what's about to happen to your birthday cake." Smiles Donna snatching the cake off the table and hurling it into Lois's face, "Happy fuckin' birthday Mikey." She finishes pushing past the manager and motioning for Bonnie to follow.
(Lois slowly gets up but slips on some cake falling back down everyone in the place looking at her the Manager tries to help her up but she brushes off his hand and walks sadly out the door.)
The next day.
(Lois is sitting inside the kitchen when she gets a text message from Alice looking over to read it, it says.)
I don't think we can be friends anymore.
What do you mean? (Lois hastily texts back.)
I like you, but I don't like your friends and as good as they seem to be for you, it's most likely not good for the both of us. I'm sorry Lois goodbye.
(Lois goes to hastily type back but she can't because the message system changes to you cannot reply to this conversation. Setting the phone down heartbroken and defeated Lois cries to herself as the screen fades to black.)