The morning of the thirtieth was an extremely busy one for me. The staff from the catering service came by at around ten that morning. The chefs were two stallions named Steel Blaze and Silver Thunder, a Unicorn and a Pegasus respectfully, were impressed by the kitchen I had and the wait staff, three mares named Strawberry Rain, Velvet Pearl, and Amber Petal, a Unicorn, Pegasus and Earth Pony in that order, were content with the size of the dining room.

Going against my better judgement, I had a lighter training session with Gemini after I showed the caterers around. She at least had the good sense to leave any bruises off of my face. When I finished and took a cleansing shower, it was already noon, so I decided to go to the Hay Burger, which was where Scarlet was working that day.

Upon entering, the owner of the restaurant, an Earth Pony named Hay Cook, turned and waved at me with a wide smile. Hay was about ten years older than I was, with a dark burnt brown fur coat, a striped hay colored mane, and a smoking frying pan cutie mark. "Welcome to Hay Burger, Sir Bethridge! Or do you prefer Sir Jethro?"

"Just Jethro is fine, Mr. Cook," I said with a chuckle as I looked around. "My, you're busy today it seems."

"Lunch rush," Hay said. "And one of Scarlet's new food experiments has gotten popular around here."

I frowned. "What kind of experiment? What did she do this time?"

"Nothing bad, I promise," Hay laughed, waving his hoof. "She called it a Veggie Burger."

"Veggie Burger? You don't have one of those already?" I asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Not the way she prepares it!" Hay said.

I nodded. "Well, I'm intrigued now. Could I get a Veggie Burger with extra cheese, no hay and some hoof fries and ice water to drink?"

Hay smiled. "Of course!" He trotted towards the fry cook area while I found a table to sit at. Like most things in Ponyville, it was a bit too small for me, so it felt like I was sitting at a children's table, but it wasn't all bad. Hay brought me some ice water with a straw before heading over to a nearby table where I saw a familiar pair of Ponies.

Bon Bon turned and saw me. Her eyes widened slightly and she nudged Lyra, who also turned. Standing, the two trotted over. "May we join you?" Bon Bon asked politely, carrying their own drinks.

I pointed to the empty seats at my table. "Be my guest."

The moment Lyra sat down, she looked at me and said, "Today's that big dinner you had planned for the Rich family, isn't it?"

"Eeyup," I replied as I took a sip of the water.

"Forgive me for being blunt, but what in Tartarus were you thinking?" Lyra asked, looking at me with worry in her burnt yellow eyes. "That Spoiled…bitch…has it out for you!"

"Ly, be nice," Bon Bon said softly. "The walls have ears."

Lyra took a deep breath and sighed. "Sorry, Bon Bon…"

I turned to Bon Bon. "You're back to using your cover name now?"

Bon Bon nodded. "I've gotten used to being called that, so I'd rather be called that if you don't mind. But Ly's right, you know? What were you thinking?" For what felt like the millionth time, I thoroughly explained my reasoning behind it. Bon Bon nodded and put her chin on her hooves, giving me the equivalent of the Monika Space Classroom pose. "I understand why you want to try, but I hope you realize that some Ponies are just never going to change."

"Well, I have to try," I said. "I've been in Equestria for at least five months, four being in Ponyville, and in those four months, I've never tried to actually reach out and figure out what her problem was with me. I've been polite, never yelling at her or insulting her to her face, but never personally did anything about it. And that changes now." I jabbed my finger into the table for emphasis.

Lyra sighed. "I hope you know what you're doing. Bonnie and I would hate to lose a good friend like you."

"Wait, friends?" I raised an eyebrow. "You consider me a friend?"

"We might not spend as much time with you as you spend with the Bearers of Harmony, Zecora and Scarlet," Bon Bon said, "but we both like you. You're a fun Pony-er, person-to be around." Bon Bon's smile turned into a playful smirk. "And with Lyra's newfound obsession with anything human, I'm sure she'd be honored to be friends with you."

Lyra blushed. "That's not me! I didn't even know humans existed until I met Jethro!"

The two best friends turned future potential romantic couple both laughed. I recalled how, after I woke up from my nap at Fluttershy's place a couple days ago, how I'd met Lyra walking down the street and she'd expressed interest in watching the Anthropology video. So the two of us sat at a park bench and I showed her the animated video, which fascinated her greatly. I'd gone into more detail about the Brony fascination with her supposed fascination with humans and even showed her some Lyra fanart before we parted ways. I smirked. "What, you don't want to know what it's like to have fingers?" I chuckled as I waved them in front of her face.

She snorted, but I saw a small smile on her blushing face. "In your dreams, buster!"

"You don't know what you're missing out on," I said before I reached over and began scratching Bon Bon behind her ear. "Why not tell her, Bon Bon?"

Bon Bon's eyes went wide with surprise at first before she inhaled deeply, closing her eyes. "Oh wow…that feels amazing," she said. She opened one eye and looked at Lyra with a wry grin. "It really does feel amazing, Ly."

Lyra watched this for a bit, then looked back at me. "Can…I try?" she asked, giving me big round pleading eyes.

"I swear, you Ponies are too good," I groaned as I reached up to stroke Lyra's mane as well.

Lyra sighed contentedly as she leaned her head into my hand. "Right there…that's it."

"My my, Jethro, you having fun over here?" a familiar Pegasus mare asked me as she walked up with three trays in her wings.

I looked up at Scarlet, who had the biggest shit eating grin on her face I'd seen so far. "Just spending some time with some friends. And I certainly hope you're having fun ripping off Earth recipes."

She snorted and set down the three plates, each a veggie burger, but one with cheese on it. "Hey, who's gonna sue me?" she snickered before lowering her voice. "Now, I'm normally the last Pony to say this, but I'd hold back on ear scratches in public if I were you, dude."

Looking back at Lyra and Bon Bon, I saw their eyes both closed and mouths hung open slightly. Slowly, I removed my hands from their manes. "Yeah, probably not a good idea. It'd make Hay's business look bad."

Both Ponies beside me shook their heads, clearing them before opening their eyes. "Okay…that was…pretty amazing, not gonna lie," Lyra said. "You should really work at the Ponyville spa."

"If he did, he'd be more overworked than he is now," Scarlet said in my defense.

"That, and I don't know how to properly massage a Pony form, only human forms," I added.

"I'm sure Twilight has some book in her library about it," Bon Bon chuckled.

"That mare has a book for everything," Lyra said.

"Just not about how to get laid," Scarlet smirked as she flew away.

I facepalmed. "Oh my God…how horny is that mare…?"

After enjoying a great meal with Lyra and Bon Bon (Scarlet has somehow managed to make a veggie burger that tasted like real meat), I headed home and spent a couple of hours reading up more about My Little Pony events and reading some fanfictions. I'd had the dinner scheduled for six PM. At around five, there was a knock at my door. Putting my laptop down on a particularly saucy fanfic, I went and opened the door only to find Rarity with a floating suit encased in her light blue magic. "I just finished!" she said, sounding exhausted, her mane a bit everywhere.

"Come on in," I said.

She walked in, but another set of hoofsteps caught my attention. Turning back, I saw, to my delight, Zecora. My eyes went wide when I saw just what she was actually wearing. She had a gallant dress on, that was for sure. It was a dark blue ensemble with lighter blue stripes that made it appear as if the dress was flowing in the water. There were two large amber spirals embroidered on either side of her dress and one line of lighter blue was inlaid with small green gemstones. Her mane was actually tied up in a bun style and I could see a bright red ribbon holding it in place. She gazed up at me with an expectant look in her eyes. "How do I look, my love?"

I swallowed, and nodded. "Absolutely dazzling," was all I could get out. My cheeks went warm immediately after saying that, but I'd meant every word of it. Zecora looked downright gorgeous in her dress, there was absolutely no denying it.

Zecora herself blushed and looked away, smiling gratefully. "Thank you."

"Some of my finest work!" Rarity said proudly as she used her magic to pull my arm. "Come on, Jethro! It's time to get you into your outfit! Do you have shoes appropriate for this?"

"Two pairs of dress shoes, one of which I wore to the Gala," I replied.

"Perfect! Use that pair!" And with that, she shoved me into nearby guest bedroom, shut and locked the door. "Now…off with those clothes!"

"Right words, wrong mare," I grumbled as I began to remove my hoodie…

It took a whole fifteen or so minutes for Rarity to make sure that everything was perfect. When she finished, she threw open the door. "Miss Zecora, I present…your paramour!"

I stepped out, blushing a bit. I was wearing the most comfortable of black dress trousers, a white long-sleeved dress shirt, a red necktie with yellow slanted stripes, a dark blue waistcoat and a black double breasted suit jacket with a white handkerchief carefully sticking out of the breast pocket. Rarity had insisted as well on trying to style my hair, which had been slightly moussed and combed to fit my natural hair part. My wings were folded behind me carefully so as not to ruin the suit. I pulled my tie up a bit and looked at Zecora. "Well?"

I'd never seen Zecora go so slack jawed. Grinning, I leaned down, put my finger underneath her chin, and pushed her mouth closed. "I take it you see something you like?"

"W-Wow…" was all she could say.

I laughed as I stood up and turned back to Rarity. "You really have outdone yourself, Rares. I can't thank you enough."

"Nonsense, darling," she said, waving her hoof dismissively, "It was a pleasure to design a suit for you two. Just promise me that you'll wow that snooty mare."

I grinned. "Best behavior."

"Well, aren't you looking spiffy in that," one of the wait staff, Strawberry Rain, said as she walked out into the living room. "You both look great!"

"Thanks," I said with a smile. "Can I do anything for you?"

Strawberry smiled. "Just came to inform you that the chefs are both on schedule for this evening."

"Perfect. Thank you."

She curtsied. She, along with the other two wait staff, were wearing French-type maid outfits, demure ones at that, but still perfect for our purposes. "It's an honor to be working for a Knight of Equestria, even if it's for an evening."

I scratched the back of my neck. "Yeah…still getting used to that title."

She chuckled. "I'll bet. Well, from what the Canterlot branch of your fan club says about you, I'm sure you have more allies than you know."

As she turned to head back into the dining room, I gaped after her. "Hold up…did she say Canterlot branch?!"

At precisely six o'clock, there was a polite but firm knocking at the door. Zecora and I were standing next to each other in front of said door. Standing up straighter, I opened the door to see a smiling Filthy Rich, a frowning Spoiled on his right and a scowling Diamond Tiara on his left. "Mr. Rich, a pleasure to have you. May I introduce my significant other, Zecora Mtunga Dawa."

Zecora curtsied politely and formally. "A pleasure to meet you."

Filthy smiled at her and nodded. "An honor to meet you too, Miss Dawa." Turning back to me, he bowed. "Sir Jethro, thank you for inviting us over. And please, drop the 'mister'. Just call me Rich."

I stepped aside and one of the maids, Amber Petal, took their jackets as the three entered. Filthy was wearing a black suit with a blue tie and white undershirt, Spoiled, who had on her typical dark purple eyeshadow, was wearing a light blue dress with gold earrings and a diamond necklace and Diamond Tiara, while wearing her typical tiara, was dressed in a dark red dress of her own that matched the style of her mother. Filthy looked at the décor and whistled in what sounded like approval. "You've really made this old house shine," he said. "Why, I feel like I'm back at my grandfather's old place in Old Manehatten."

"You honor me, sir," I said. "I simply wanted to restore this house to its former glory, while simultaneously improving on the structure and adding in a few more modern appliances and such."

Spoiled, who'd been looking over the main living room with a disdainful countenance, finally spoke. "The décor is standard, nothing noteworthy about it," she said in a dismissive tone. Diamond Tiara snickered at that.

I turned and bowed courteously. "Please follow me to the dining area," I said, turning and, with Zecora by my side, led them towards the main dining room. I walked over to my chair and motioned to the table. "Please, have a seat anywhere you wish."

Zecora took the seat directly to my right, while Filthy took the one directly to my left. Spoiled sat beside him, and Diamond beside Spoiled. As soon as the last Pony had been seated, the door to the kitchen opened and Strawberry walked in, carrying a platter of steaming garlic bread which she placed at the center of the table. The savory smell hit my nostrils and I had to restrain myself from swallowing the saliva that formed the moment I inhaled the delectable scent.

Filthy looked at the garlic bread in delight. "I must say, that smells simply delectable," he said.

"Please. Help yourselves. Guests first," I said.

Once the Rich family had their hors d'oeuvres on their plates, I pulled the platter over with my magic and offered it to Zecora, who graciously took one piece of bread. I took one as well and set it on my plate. "Would anyone like something to drink? We have red and white wine along with some apple champagne and ice water. Oh, and for Miss Tiara, there's also some apple cider direct from our very own Sweet Apple Acres."

I caught Diamond's eyes widen a bit when I mentioned cider. Filthy clapped his hooves together. "Marvelous! I would like some apple champagne and ice water, please."

"Hmm…is that all you're serving?" Spoiled said, acting unimpressed. "I suppose some red wine and ice water will suffice. Diamond will have water."

"Mom, can't I have some apple cider?" Diamond pleaded.

Spoiled glared at her daughter, but before she could say anything, Filthy quickly interrupted, "Let her have some, dear. It's not every day we get to dine with a Knight of Equestria."

Spoiled sighed, then nodded. "Very well, but only for tonight."

I turned to Zecora. "What about you, dearest?"

"My love, if it's all the same to you, a glass of ice water will do," she said.

I nodded, then turned to Strawberry. "I'll have some apple champagne and ice water too, please."

Strawberry, who was standing next to be and Zecora, nodded. "I'll have those right out for you." And with that, she turned and headed back into the kitchen.

"A typical choice," Spoiled said. She muttered it under her breath, probably hoping that I wouldn't hear her, but my hearing had been slightly improving ever since coming to Equestria. I decided to ignore it and Diamond's own snickering.

After Strawberry came back and poured the drinks, I grabbed the champagne and took a sip. It had the same tingling as champagne did, but with a hint of apple taste that lingered on the tongue even after swallowing. "So Rich, how is your business going these days? Every time I shop there, it appears to be busier than before."

Rich smiled. "Business couldn't be better, Sir Jethro," he said.

"Please, just call me Jethro," I said with a disarming smile back at him, "and I'm glad to hear it. Are you planning on opening other branch stores elsewhere in Equestria?"

"I have looked into purchasing some property up in Canterlot, actually," he said.

"My amazing husband has worked so hard to put Barnyard Bargains on the map," Spoiled said haughtily, placing strong emphasis on the word 'worked'

Filthy gave Spoiled a slightly disapproving look, but I laughed it off good naturedly, not wanting to give Spoiled the satisfaction. "And a hardworking stallion he is. Rich, you should be very proud of all you've accomplished."

"Well, I just built off of what my grandpa started, but I'm plenty proud to have come so far," he said.

"My daddy's the best business Pony around," Diamond said proudly.

"Diversifying your stock is something I've rarely seen in Equestria since I've been here," I said. "Back on Earth, it's one of the reasons why many of the bigger businesses like Wal-Mart or Target are so successful. That, and competitive prices and keeping costs low from suppliers."

Filthy's eyes widened. "I hope it's not too much trouble to ask for some more information on that front at a later date."

"And who's to say their methods aren't as barbaric as their cruel race," Spoiled asked.

Filthy turned to her. "Now, dear, you and I both know that Eris is a trickster and liar."

Velvet came in next, carrying a large platter with the broccoli cheddar soup each in bowls which she set down at our places. Spoiled took a spoonful of the soup, and to my delight saw her eyes widen a bit, but he instantly hid her appreciation for the soup. After she washed the soup down with the water, she replied, "That's not what I saw when this supposed knight used that horrid weapon against Eris."

Zecora, who'd remained silent for a while, finally spoke up. "And it was because of that distraction that we are all here to tell the tale." She didn't sound antagonistic, but had a polite smile on her face as she simply stated a fact.

Spoiled sighed and shook her head. "The true heroes are the Elements of Harmony, so why were they not knighted?"

That…was a good question, I thought. They deserved it as well. Although I knew an extra reason why I'd been knighted: for my own protection. Diamond Tiara quickly added in her own two cents. "Yeah! They saved Equestria from that villain! Not some overgrown clothed monkey!"

"Diamond Tiara, mind your manners! And Spoiled, please tone it down." Filthy said to his daughter before turning towards me apologetically. "Please forgive my daughter and wife. It has been a long day for us."

"No need for apologies, I'm not offended," I said. "Something tells me, however, that they'll be rewarded very soon for their deeds by the princess herself." In a ceremony ripping off the ending of A New Hope, I thought with an inward snicker.

"Oh? Is that something you saw in your…show, was it?" Filthy asked.

"Correct," I said.

"I must say, having another world know about ours is quite an eye-opening experience, especially when we're viewed as fictional characters," Filthy said.

"I've heard that plenty of times since this whole thing started, and I agree with you," I said, taking another spoonful of soup. The broccoli was perfectly soft, the cheddar had enough kick, and the soup savory with a hint of what tasted like lemon. "I can only imagine how it must feel for you."

"It still unsettles me," Zecora added, "and I am apparently in this show."

"Am I in it?" Filthy asked curiously.

"You do make appearances in it a few times, as does your wife. Your daughter makes the most appearances, though," I said.

That got the filly's attention. "Really? You saw me in your show?"

"You appear plenty of times, yes," I replied, smiling politely at the little filly. "Not as often as the Elements of Harmony, but still enough."

"What is this show about again?" Filthy asked as Velvet came out with some of the spinach puffs, taking away our now empty bowls of soup.

"It's a show dedicated to showing little girls what makes a good friend," I said as I took one of the puffs and took a bite. The crust for the puff was flakey and perfectly buttery, and the spinach, while not something I normally ate, was seasoned just perfectly. After swallowing, I continued, "There are some children's television programs are meant to help teach lessons on life. Some are purely educational, some are a mix, and some are pure entertainment. My Little Pony falls into the second category. Since human children have shorter attention spans, they need entertainment involved to make the lessons stick. One of my favorite shows from when I was a child was one called Bill Nye The Science Guy. In it, the host of the show teaches young children about science in such a way that it sticks with the audience."

"Our own foals have similar attention problems," Filthy admitted.

"Seems to be a multi-universal constant," I said with a chuckle. "Entertainment is what younger ones need."

"I disagree," Spoiled said with a scoff as she took a dainty bite of one of her own spinach puffs. "Foals need to be taught at an early age how to behave or else become like those…blank flank Crusaders."

I bit back my tongue and replied, "Yes, discipline is essential for raising a child, but they do need some space to have fun and enjoy life to the fullest. There's a fine line involved, and-"

"Do you have foals of your own?" Spoiled asked.

"Well, no, but-"

"Then don't go telling us about how to raise a foal," she almost snarled.

I saw Zecora trembling a bit, but I put my hand over her hoof. "I would never do that, Mrs. Rich," I said. "I just meant I know how my parents raised me. They weren't perfect, but they were the best parents a boy could ask for."

I felt Zecora put her own hoof over my hand comfortingly. Filthy saw this and looked at me. "Your parents are…?" he left the last word unspoken, but one nod from me was all it took. "Celestia's flowing mane, I'm sorry to hear."

"It's alright. It's taken me longer than it should, but I'm starting to make my peace with it," I said. "But on to other subjects. I do hope you're enjoying this meal."

"Oh, most definitely!" Filthy said, raising his glass of champagne again. "Looks as if you spared no expense."

"Well, I did want to make a good impression," I said.

"And you certainly have. Right, dear?" Filthy asked his wife.

She finished one of her spinach puffs and dabbed daintily at her mouth. "It's satisfactory," she said after washing it down with some of her red wine.

"Diamond, I hope you're eating everything on your plate," Filthy said.

Diamond was picking at half of a smaller spinach puff with her fork. "Yes, dad," she said.

I smiled, then looked to Zecora who gave a sage nod of approval. "Well, glad to hear it! But dinner is just getting started. I think you'll love what's in store."

For the most part, it was just me and Filthy Rich talking through the majority of our dinner. He even asked Zecora a few questions, mostly about how she'd met me (which, to her credit, she toned down since the truth was bloodier than was appropriate for a filly) and how our relationship began. Spoiled took many chances throughout out various conversations, which ranged from plans for Hearth's Warming/Christmas to random facts about both of our worlds that seemed to be nearly identical. Filthy managed to keep his wife from going overboard, but it was becoming clear to me that she was growing more and more angry.

When we reached the Celestia Cake, Diamond's eyes practically bugged out of her skull. She didn't even bother to hide her excitement as Strawberry used her magic to cut off a smaller slice for the little filly. As I'd expected, the cake was pretty much death by chocolate, a two-layer cake with melted chocolate inside. After we ate that, the Apple Tartlet came out, and I saw that they'd actually used Younger Golden apples for it. Diamond had a similar reaction to it after she took an experimental bite. I chuckled. "It's pretty good, isn't it young lady?"

"It had better not stain," Spoiled said as she took her dessert fork and gently cut off a piece of her tartlet and taking a bite.

"If it does, send me the dry-cleaning bill," I said.

I'd tried my best not for it to get to this point, but when her pupils narrowed, I knew I'd somehow stepped on a land mine. She threw her fork down on the table angrily, then turned on me and pointed with an accusatory hoof. "What's your game, human? What's your angle?"

Filthy looked at his wife with shock. "Spoiled?! What are you-"

"Shut up, Filthy!" she shouted angrily at her husband before she stood, sending the chair she was in against the wall. I saw Strawberry backing up a bit out of the corner of my eye, but my focus returned solely onto Spoiled, who rushed towards me with a furious expression on her face. I turned my chair to face her, keeping my face neutral. "This…this facsimile of decorum you're projecting, stop it! You might fool anypony else, but not me!" She jabbed a hoof into my chest hard, and I was sure it left a bruise, but I kept my cool. "You Celestia-damned Everfree freaks are all the same! You might be wrapped up in the trappings of any civilized Pony, but your nature will catch up with you! You're dangerous!"

"SPOILED RICH!"

I jumped at the shout, which had come from Filthy himself. Spoiled froze, and turned to her husband. He. Was. Pissed. "F-Filthy, I-"

"I don't want to hear it!" he spat out angrily. "I'm sick and tired of you berating our host, especially when he's treated us with nothing but the best of manners! He paid for dinner tonight, which has been some of the best food I've had, and you've done nothing but insult him and accuse him of being a monster!"

Spoiled recovered and her angry glare returned. "But…what he did to Eris with that awful weapon! Who's to say he won't do what she said?"

"You saw what Eris was doing to him! She sexually assaulted him! What would you do in his situation, huh!?" Filthy shoved his nose against hers. "Nopony's perfect, dear. Not even you. I love you, Spoiled, that won't ever change, but right now I can't stand the sight of you." He reached into his vest pocket with his hoof and tossed a bag of bits on the table. "Don't come home tonight. There's enough in here for a room at the inn for at least a week. I'm taking Diamond Tiara home with me." He turned to me and bowed low. "Sir Jethro, I am extremely sorry about all of this."

"Why are you apologizing to him?!" Spoiled asked angrily, but I could see her trembling in less of a rage and more of fear now.

He snapped his head up and gave her a glare that wiped the anger off of Spoiled's face. "Are all dragons monsters? You forget that the Element of Magic herself has a young Dragon as a friend! I've met him before. He's a nice young colt. Diamond, clean your face and thank our host. We're heading home."

Diamond had a look of complete shock on her face. She looked between her father and mother with a teary-eyed expression. Despite her currently being a bully, I felt badly for her. I'd seen my parents fight a few times, but it had never gotten this bad. She looked at her unfinished tartlet, then back at her dad. "Daddy…?"

My heart broke at her tone. Her voice was trembling and she looked like she would burst into tears at any moment. Spoiled quickly looked at Diamond, then back at Filthy. "Filthy…"

"I don't want to hear it!" he shouted in her face. Turning to me, he asked, "Is it possible to wrap Diamond's tartlet up for later?"

I looked over at Strawberry. "Do you mind, Miss Strawberry?"

She nodded quickly, retreated to the kitchen then came back with a small metal container. She placed the tartlet inside it and sealed it. "Here you are, Mr. Rich," she said, hovering it over to the stallion with her pink magic.

He took it and then put his hoof on Diamond's back. "Come along, honey, it's time to go home."

"What about Mom…?" she asked quietly.

"She'll be gone for a while, but it won't be forever, I promise." And with that, he gave Spoiled one last look, but this one was less angry and more disappointed. "One week." And with that, he left the dining room with Diamond. The front door opened, and closed moments later.

The room was silent now. Spoiled had collapsed onto her haunches, staring in stunned silence at the floor, Zecora was looking at me with an equal amount of shock, Strawberry was looking at me worriedly, and I was still sitting in my chair, looking at the results of the disastrous ending. All I could say at that moment was, "Well…that happened…"