Muse

by crushed2

Brittany Pierce left everything behind in Ohio in hopes of finding a new beginning in New York City, and by everything she meant her trust in people and her passion for performing. A chance encounter with a beautiful model may just change all of that.

29. Chapter 29

Santana sat at home, admiring her new space. The large bedroom she had paid far too much money to transform into a studio, her master bedroom with Brittany...the first space they purchased and decorated together. The spare bedroom...Nani's space more than anyone's, for when she needs her cousin near. No dance studio here, because there's no urgency. Brittany still insists that she's not a dancer, and she didn't want a studio. Santana, however, is nervous that the blonde is letting her best years slip away because she refuses to embrace dance again. Still, she will be starting dance classes soon, and so she hopes they spark that desire in her to dance more than ever.

Lady Tubbington loves to sit in the window and look out at Central Park below her. Sometimes Santana does the same, just remembering the times she rode her bike through the streets below, ignoring the opulence that existed in the area. How clean those streets were in contrast to the grittier parts of the city. Santana had a doorman, and a nice building, that her grandmother provided for the girls she loved with all her heart, but there is something special about making it here on your own. It's just starting to sink in that she's doing this on her own.

Pictures that Brittany painted are showcased in every room, as well as photos throughout the home. Photos of Brittany and Santana in various stages of their lives as well as so many of them as a couple. Pictures of the people they love. Pictures of Nani and Lexi and even Wolf. Pictures of Liv and Gladys and the men who love them. Pictures of abuela...and of both of her grandfathers...and pictures of Santana's grandmother.

Santana decided to invite Nani over and finally have that conversation...along with another conversation she's been wanting to have with her. When the doorman announced that Nani was there Santana felt an excitement she hadn't felt in a long time. It's been quite a while since the infamous Wright cousins spent time together. The holidays used to be a given, but these days Santana usually isn't home for the holidays, and if she does make it home it's usually a whirlwind and no time for the two of them. They also have Brittany and Lexi now, and so Santana and Nani have less time, but Santana still craves her Nani time, and she has to make space for more of these moments.

When Nani reached the door Santana smiled. She opened the door and Nani just felt so proud. Her superstar cousin, looking just as she always has, casual and comfortable, but with all of this she has earned behind her. Nani loved her new place. Modest, as they were raised, but not bare. It suited Santana, and Nani instantly went into her studio, where her awards and gold records were displayed, and she just wanted to cry she was so proud of this woman.

Santana laughed, "You always go straight into my studio."

"I can't believe it, Simon. Your dreams came true."

Santana smiled, "A few of yours came true as well. How's Lexi?"

"She's good," Nani blushed.

Santana smiled, "She still makes you blush?"

"I'm not blushing."

"I'm glad she still makes you feel that way. I still haven't forgiven Kevin..."

"I have, he did me a favor."

"Yes he did"

"And trust me, I wasn't giving him what I give Lexi..."

"OWWWWWWWWWW," Santana howled and Nani laughed.

"Ok little Wolf, not what I meant."

"I'm in a place in my life where I can take being called that. And speaking of dads, how are you and Marcel?"

"Not great. He wasn't very happy that I didn't let anyone know I was in NOLA. He was all 'you was in New Orlins n' you ain't even stop and see your maw maw and paw paw. You changed, cher.' I told him I ain't change, I'm just sick of pretending that he didn't."

"Pu..."

"Listen, when I look at him he brings up very bad memories for me. He changed my childhood. He changed me. He changed my reality, and he thinks financial support and wanting to force his new family on me made him my father again. It made it worse. That woman can go to hell with gasoline drawers on. She owed us nothing but she knew he had a wife and child at home, and so I don't want anything to do with her. As for her son, he can remain a stranger to me. That's not my brother, Simon. I feel nothing towards him. I wish him no harm, it's not his fault who his parents are, but I have no desire to bond with him and I don't think that I ever will. If I needed a kidney to save my life and he was the only match you go right ahead and say your goodbyes to me Simon, because I still wouldn't want to know him. It may not be fair but blame that on Marcel because it was Marcel's bad choices that put me in that position. I'm angry at my father, and I don't want to stop being angry at him. I'll go see my maw maw and paw paw when I'm good and damn ready, if I'm good and damn ready, and it's none of his fucking business when that will be."

Santana looked at Nani sadly. "I spoke to your family when I performed in New Orleans..."

"You did?"

"I told you I was sending them tickets. No way I couldn't. I grew up around them, and they treated me nice when Wolf had me feeling down."

"You said that the first time you performed there and they didn't show up then..."

"And you said you didn't want to see them and so I didn't send tickets then because you know they asked after you. I sent them when you weren't going to be able to come out and see me."

"Thank you for that. I had no idea that you didn't invite them to your first show."

"No way I could invite them and not give them back stage passes. No way I could do that with you and Lexi there and you didn't want to see them. You come first Pu. You always come first, and I don't care if it made me look rude for not inviting them. A call and a promise to get them tickets next time would just have to do"

"Thank you, Simon."

"Pu, I gotta ask you something."

"What, Simon?"

"You want some wine or something?"

"Is it that bad?"

"Bad, no. But it's serious Pu."

"Yeah, let's have a glass of wine and get comfortable then."

Santana got up and went to pour them a couple of glasses of wine. She brought the bottle along and then returned and brought the small charcuterie board.

"Okay, enough of the hostess shit. What's going on Simon?"

"I need to talk to you about two serious things, I guess I'll start with something Brittany said when we were talking..."

"What is it?" Nani asked. "What did I tell you about these dramatic pauses?" Nani chastised her cousin.

Santana sighed, "We were talking about, you know, the sex tape. She said you two had talked about some things."

"We talked a lot. We lived together for a little while, remember?"

"Yeah, and it's cool, of course I'm okay with whatever you two talked about, but she said that you mentioned that I'm trying to live up to grandma's legacy, trying to change the world. Then she said that you thought that I might be overdoing that because she's the only one that didn't live to see me turn my life around after the tape. But grandma never once mentioned the tape to me. I thought you all kept it from her like I tried to keep it from abuela but Wolf and his fucking big mouth..." Santana said, getting angry just remembering the past.

Nani sighed, "Santana, you know grandma was the most non judgmental person you'd ever meet...unless you were trying to cook soul food."

Santana laughed at Nani's attempts to keep the subject as light as possible. She knew memories of her grandmother always made her smile.

"Yeah..." Santana said solemnly. "Pu, she never spoke a word about it to me. She just loved and encouraged me. Did she know?" Santana asked, almost dreading the answer even though her grandmother was long gone from this world. "Did she know why I was starving myself?"

Nani sighed and took Santana's hand, "She loved you, Santana. She loved you in the most perfect way..."

"Did she know?" Santana asked.

"Yes" Nani said quietly.

"Did she see it?" Santana doesn't know why she asked that, but she always asked that. It was almost instinctual. Of course none of her family had seen it, and she knows that deep inside.

"Of course not Santana. Why would any of us watch such a thing? None of your family has seen it. I know that for a fact."

Tears fell from Santana's eyes. "I know." she sighed. "I don't know why I asked."

And then Santana sobbed. Nani reached over and held her and allowed her to cry. She didn't say anything, although she wanted to. Santana was crying so hard that she wasn't sure she'd even hear it. When she finally calmed down Nani spoke.

"She said you needed just one person...one person who loved you who you didn't have to worry if their image of you had changed. Of course we all still loved you the same, but I think it took you a long time to believe that we did, except for maybe me who you still believed loved you the same. She said you needed to be able to sit at a table and share a cup of coffee with someone and not believe that those images were all they could see when they looked at you. She said you already knew deep inside that she knew, but as long as nobody confirmed it you could allow yourself the gift of just having one person you could feel normal with, and who better than the old lady who struggles with technology. Everybody said it wouldn't work, hell even abuela knew so of course grandma would know, but she said it would work, because you needed it to work. You would believe because you needed to believe, and she would talk to you about it one day when you were through the storm. Sadly, she died before she could have that talk with you, but Santana she loved you like the stars love the sky."

Tears fell from Santana's eyes. Her grandmother would always say that. "I love you like the stars love the sky." Nani thinks that maybe that's why she secretly loves it so much when Lexi calls her "star". It feels like her grandmother is blessing their love every time she says it.

"I know Pu, and I loved her the same. I miss her so much."

"Me too Simon. Remember when she was dying and she had that talk with us, to always take care of one another, just like our moms do. She said we were closer than cousins, we were sisters, and that we are our sister's keeper."

Santana smiled, " Then she told us that she knew why I called you Pu, and she promises not to ruin the joke for us," Santana laughed with Nani. "Then she laughed and told us to try and behave ourselves just a little when she's gone."

"Yeah," Nani said sadly, smiling. "Simon, you have to know how proud she was of you, even before all of this. She was proud of how you were fighting for your life, how you were fighting to rebuild yourself, after what Dani did to you. She was never ashamed of you, never ashamed that you made love to women, and it was because of her that I found the courage to love Lexi, because I managed to remind myself just long enough that grandma would care less if you slept with Lexi first, just as long as we weren't sharing her. I don't think that even grandma would have been down with that."

Santana laughed, "No, but she loved us so much she probably would have tried, but Lexi better had perfected her soul food game before she asked for both of her granddaughters."

Nani laughed, and then sighed. "Yeah. Santana, there was nothing in this world that we could have done to make her ever turn her back on us."

"I know"

"And I want you to know she talked to me about you before she died. She told me you were on this journey because God had plans for you...He has plans for us both. She said this was going to make you strong enough to endure anything, and anyone that strong will have no choice but to change the world even if they weren't trying to. Now look at you. You created 'Stronger than Shame', and people are on there every day telling their stories and finding their voices. You are changing the world and saving lives, and I know that when you decided to do that grandma's spirit may have been in you, but you didn't do it to make her proud, although she absolutely would be proud and you know it. You did it because this is who you are, strong, like she raised us to be. You did it because you are changing the world, because you were destined to. All of us can sing, me, you, our moms. Grandma sang, but you have a voice, and I'm not talking about your talent, which you worked on to make sure that you would be the best and you are Simon, you're such an amazing singer and performer, so much better than any of us dared to dream. You were meant to have eyes on you, because you influence people. You are loud and bold and you are a Wright. Grandma loved you, and she would have loved you just as much no matter what, but Santana she would be so fucking proud of the way you bounced back, because nobody loved a fighter more than grandma did."

Santana just shook her head and listened.

"She knew, and if she were here she would have been at every event we were at, bragging about her granddaughter that's kicking ass and taking names."

Santana smiled. "She talked to me about you, too, you know."

"I figured as much."

"She asked me do I understand how loving and selfless you are. She told me that anyone who wants to teach special needs kids, the kids that people give up on, and to be the person that really believes that they need a proper education because they can live productive and full lives, that you were going to change the world as well"

"She told me the same," Nani smiled.

"But she told me that I wouldn't fully see how amazing you were until I was famous, because of course she was my biggest fan and just knew that I'd make it as a singer," Santana laughed. "Only someone who loved the hell out of me would have the faith to believe I'd beat those odds and become famous."

"And you did", Nani smiled.

"Yeah, I did," Santana shook her head in agreement and disbelief. "But she said you would never have a jealous moment, that you would always be supportive, because she sees who you are, and that we should share the strongest parts of ourselves with one another."

"And she also told me that no matter where you were in the world you would never leave me behind."

"You know that I wouldn't"

"I know" Nani smiled.

"But she said you understood that the world needed heroes, both quiet and loud. Both sung and unsung, and that you were an unsung hero, the kind that liked to do the work that needed to be done and leave the spotlight for others. You are Pu. You never take credit for how amazing you are. You look past those disabilities and you empower your kids. You talk to them. You teach them to speak their minds and advocate for themselves. You teach them that they belong in this world and are as worthy as anyone else to pursue opportunities. You are a born teacher and an amazing influence."

Nani had tears in her eyes.

"You fought for me, fought for my life like it was your own, Pu, and that makes you my hero. My big cousin. I have never felt alone in the world. I have you, Pu. Anytime I tried to convince myself that I had nobody your spirit jumped in and I knew I had you, I had your love unconditionally, and I had someone to fight for me when I was tired. When I worried about losing everyone, worried about them looking down on me, it was you Pu. It was you who I never doubted would try and get me through things. Not our moms, or abuela, and damn sure not Wolf. i knew I had you, even if I didn't think I deserved you. Thank you, Pu."

Nani had tears in her eyes. "You think that I don't know that I have the same in you?"

"You better know," Santana smiled.

"The infamous Wright cousins," Nani smiled.

"Forever", Santana smiled in return. "Pu?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm not rich..."

"Girl yes you are," Nani said and Santana laughed.

"No, I'm comfortable. I'm on my way to rich I hope. I think I will be one day, because I love writing more than performing, and right now my pen game is strong. Writing is where the money is. Money and less pressure"

"Santana, don't take on too much. Step away when you need to, no matter what's on the line, because nothing is more important than your health...both mental and physical."

"I know. I have backup plans if necessary. I don't plan on performing this much my entire career."

"I know"

"But this just leads me to the other thing I wanted to talk to you about."

"What's that?"

"I want to take care of the people around me, Pu. I need to. I'm not doing this just so I can take care of me. Hell, the money is important but singing is what I wanted even more than all of this money, but of course I'm ecstatic about having it. But you guys won't let me do anything for you. I want to do something good for my friends who helped me through the hardest time in my life. I don't mean support them forever, but I want to say thank you..."

"Quinn, Mercedes and Sam are on tour. That is a thank you. I'm not saying that you can't do anything else for them, but money isn't the only thing you have to give. Don't go getting rich lady guilty on me. People who feel guilty for being rich go broke the quickest..."

"I know."

"So let's start over..."

"Okay," Santana sighed. "Let's start with you..."

"No"

"I haven't even said anything yet..."

"No anyway..."

"Shut up Pu and listen." Santana sighed. "I love you"

"You loved me when you were broke..."

"I was never broke. I was financially challenged..."

"Whatever"

"Anyway, I paid the maintenance on the apartment and will continue to do so forever and you will shut the fuck up about it. I am half owner of that apartment and will leave it to you in my will but I will never give it up because that was grandma's way of not only making sure we had some financial and housing security but it was also her way to make sure we stay connected."

"I know"

"So money or no money that place will always be home to me. Just use it as you please just as you allowed me to all those years you were in Philly making love to Bigfoot."

"Shut up" Nani said and Santana laughed. "Anyway, if I use it as I please can you come and get your naked ass off the wall?"

Santana smiled, "I keep that there for you. Those are body goals. Stay in shape."

"Come get your ass off the wall. Lexi won't step foot in that room out of fear that I will think she's going to take a peak and have a flashback." Nani said and Santana rolled her eyes.

"Nobody goes in there, and that painting was my way of making sure nobody ever did." Santana smiled. "I couldn't have you having one of those wild 'I'm gonna fuck this girl in every inch of this house' moments when I still stayed there sometimes." Santana said and Nani laughed. "I don't need to do that anymore because I'm turning over all decision making regarding that condo to you. You don't have to use Lex as an excuse."

"Yeah, you know me too well," Nani laughed.

"I know. I plan on moving my stuff out..."

"You don't have to Santana..." Nani said sadly. "I didn't move all my crap out when I moved to Philly."

"Our financial circumstances were different then. It's yours to use as you please. Maybe turn it into an office that you and Lexi can share."

"I'm not moving in with Lexi, and Lexi is a homeowner too..."

"Not getting into it, but I want it to be your space. Anything you want to stay let me know. The furniture, the piano, the stereo system...you may be able to use that stuff. The piano just looks good, and I love that thing with all my heart. I learned to play on that piano. As long as that's there a huge part of me will always be there. The music system is top notch. I worked my ass off to get that space the way I wanted it. That's all of the space I need there. I don't need anything out of my room but my personal belongings."

"Take your mattress and burn it. I can't imagine that the springs have anything left to give anyway."

"Shut up," Santana laughed. "So I will take the painting, my clothes and anything Brittany left behind, and that's about it if you can use the rest. I'll also get some copies made of my favorite pictures to hang here now. The rest is yours to do with as you please."

"And the mattress Santana. Take the mattress and set it on fire. I mean it."

Santana laughed, but she knows that Nani was only half joking. She and Lexi had done some wonderful things on that mattress.

"You got it Pu, will have a new mattress delivered, as a matter of fact I'll have all of the furniture removed. Just redecorate, hire someone to paint and all. Turn it into your own unique space."

"Thanks doll," Nani winked and Santana laughed. "I might sell that bed. Santana 'Don't leave your girl around me' Lopez's bed just might put my kids through college. Sign it for me and I'll get double."

Santana laughed, "Do what the hell you want with it, Pu. And now that you understand that you will no longer pay a bill in that apartment forever please let me know what else I can do for you?"

"Nothing."

"I mean it. Spare no expense. Renovate the place, improve it however you like, it's on me. Upgrade it. Make it your own. Make it a project. Take Lexi shopping with you and redecorate. Give Brittany the bill she will make sure everything gets paid. I mean it Nani. This is your home. My name only stays on the title because of grandma."

"Give me time to think about it."

"Just do it. Can't you see I need this? Can't you see I need to do something for you? Please Pu."

"Grandma left it for us to share. It's going to feel strange that I'm only leaving you a part of the living room."

"That musical stuff in the living room is home to me. Like I said just leave my piano and leave the music system and leave the guitar stand and I'll buy a guitar to keep there. If I ever want to come crash and you decide to keep that room as a bedroom then I'll crash in there. If not I'll crash on the couch. That place will always be home to me. I don't have to keep a lot of shit there for that to be true."

"Okay, and Santana, I'll do this only if you know that bedroom is always yours. I'll redecorate it because I always had superior taste but I agree to this all as long as you know that that place will forever be home to you just like it was to me when I was in Philly."

"Really?" Santana smiled.

"Really Simon."

"And a few more things Pu. I'm paying for a nice vacation for you and Lexi..."

"No, you're already always sending us plane tickets to see you perform."

"That's for me. I need you guys there."

"First class?"

"Yes, can I spoil you?"

Nani smiled, "Yes you can Simon."

"Great, and you're getting a new car."

"There's nothing wrong with my car. I'm not getting a new car when I have a car that works perfectly well."

"I know, but you deserve an upgrade. You deserve nice things just because. Do it. Keep both if you want I don't care. Just do it."

"What do I need with two cars? I'll donate it to someone if anything. Just let me think about it."

"Think fast, because it's already decided."

"Ugh, please Simon, just give me a moment, this is a lot."

"Okay, and Pu, is there anything else you want? Any dream I can help make come true?"

"I'm happy Santana."

"And that makes me happy, Pu." Santana smiled. "And I need your help with the others..."

"What?"

"Our moms, abuela, I need to do something for them as well. I want my mom to move. I want her to retire. She worked her ass off for me when Wolf just checked the hell out on his responsibilities."

"Work is not simply work, Santana. Some people just need to stay busy in order to feel useful."

"She can stay useful traveling or volunteering, or working because she wants to and not because she has to. Your mother can too for that matter. They can both retire if they like."

"I'll talk to them but I'll tell you now it's not happening."

"At least try and get them to let me pay off their mortgages."

"Also likely not happening..."

"Start working on it. I need to make some more money anyway, but you're getting some real estate just in your name as well one day so start dealing with it now. So is abuela, she deserves to stop renting and to own her own place. Meantime at least get them to let me cover their bills for a year. That's not a lot. Mortgage and utilities for a year, get them to agree to that and I will handle the rest. Gonna do the same for abuela and Wolf, cover their rent and utilities for a year. My abuela will never have to pay a bill again. I'll revaluate how I feel about Wolf next year."

"Hey, maybe abuela would like my car. She rarely drives anyway."

"You really want to put that woman back on the road? She slows at every light, even when it's green. This is New York, you can't drive like that."

Nani laughed, "She would love me giving her something, even though she'll just keep it parked 90 percent of the time. Pay for a parking space for her. In New York paying for parking alone will require you to write another hit song."

Santana chuckled. "I can do that. There's a garage a block away she can use. Like you said she will barely use it anyway. Thanks Pu."

"Okay, so are we finished spending your money?"

"Yes"

"And as for your friends at Holly's, just keep doing what you're doing. Give them opportunities."

"And what about the ones who don't sing...like Dave?"

"I don't know, let him be on your security team sometimes, pick up a few extra bucks. He was always good at protecting you when you were showing your kibbles and bits in those art classes."

Santana laughed.

"Listen, you can't take care of everyone at the same time. You're doing great. You just bought a house and you bought Brittany a very fiscally responsible and reliable car. You have your whole life to look out for people. Take it easy."

"Brittany won't let me overextend myself. She's my forensic accountant, and it may look like I'm going on shopping sprees but this is the first time I've spent any real money since I broke into this business. I haven't even taken a vacation. I get so much free shit from clothes to my new bike to cosmetics and everything in between it's actually insane. My money is good, and I'll make sure it stays that way. Just do this for me, okay? Help me take care of our family. See what they need, undercover, and let me know. Meanwhile I'll stick to paying everybody's bills for this year and then we'll talk about next year later. They'll eventually get used to it. You fix the place up your way, even if you love everything the way it is just change my bedroom into whatever you want it to be. Get a new car, and plan a vacation, just you and Lexi, and get our moms to take one too. They deserve it. I'll send abuela on one of her senior cruises and get her the best cabin available and she will love it. Nani, I know I probably sound like a stuck up rich bitch but all of that won't even cost me a million dollars. Never tell anyone that sentence came out of my mouth..." Santana shook her head and Nani laughed. "I can afford it, and it gives me something to find joy in when I'm working my ass off and I just want to say fuck everything and run away. It'll feel good, because I feel like I'm doing it for the people I love. When nobody takes anything it just feels like I'm accumulating all of this wealth and I'm not even into shiny things enough to squander it. I need to know that if I'm working hard at least my family can work a little less and enjoy what they earn for themselves."

Nani shook her head, "I get it Simon. I do. You work hard, and it has to mean more than just money to you for all you're giving up, for all the holidays you're missing out on. Okay, you've got it. You won me over with one exception, just hold off on the car, okay? As much as abuela would love a gift from me I'll bring her back something nice from that vacation you're sending Lexi and I on. Give me time, okay? Give us all time. Just don't try and keep doing more and more. This is more than enough so stop right here if you don't want a lot of push back. I'll have a family meeting..."

"Invite abuela and Wolf too,"

"Like I said...a family meeting. They're family"

"Thank you Pu."

"Of course."

"When was the last time you've been to grandma's grave?" Santana asked.

"Hate to say it, but it's been about a year., but you know we pay to have it maintained and flowers placed there monthly, but I don't go very much anymore."

"It's okay. I haven't been in a while either. think I need to go. But first I think I need to go to church."

"You want me to go with?"

"Why the hell do you think I'm telling you?"

"Thought you might take Brittany..."

"Not this time. We're going back to our childhood, and I need to take the person who knows that space the best."

"Just tell me when."

"This Sunday. Keep it quiet. Don't want a bunch of people just suddenly showing up for church because the word got out that I would be there. Plus, facing those people will be like facing grandma. I haven't been back since..."

"Santana, grandma gathered all those old people up and told them that if you came there to seek comfort in God to remember that only God could judge you. Mercedes was there when she did it and told me all about it. Trust me she wanted you to be supported wherever you sought solace and she paved the way like a bulldozer like she always did. They won't say a word to you about the past, unless you ask them to. She made it clear, and she may be gone, but I'm not, and they know how I am. You also know that Mercedes and her family will be there so they won't let it happen either. Mercedes will be there, right?"

"She usually is when we're in New York. Like I said, I've only told you."

"Maybe tell mom and Aunt Liv?"

"You're all I need, Pu."

"But I'm not all you have. Remember that. Let me know if you change your mind."

"I'll think about it."

"You do that," Nani said, pulling Santana into a hug.

The two visited for a while, and Santana took Nani into the studio to hear some of the music she had been working on that might be included in her next project. Then they had plans to meet up for church on Sunday followed by a visit to their grandmother's grave.

But first, Santana wanted to have a little bit of fun, and so she invited Nani and Lexi to meet her at Holly's to surprise everyone. It had been so long since she stopped by.

That Saturday night Santana pulled up on her Harley, Brittany on back. Her smile widened soon as she reached the front of the club, and she parked her bike right on the sidewalk and asked the bouncers to keep their eyes on it. She didn't know who was performing that night and she didn't care. She was going to finally see her friends all together again.

All eyes moved to the door when she walked in and she greeted some of the workers and some of the regulars as she made her way through the bar. She was stopped often by well wishers and even autograph seekers, which was still such a mind fuck to Santana. She was gracious, as usual, and patient, because she was home.

Sugar caught sight of the brunette and rushed from behind the bar, leaving a line. The regular patrons sighed. Sugar never really gave warning when she would abandon her duties because something else caught her eye, but even they were intrigued by the appearance of the former employee.

"Sanny!" Sugar smiled that wide grin that Santana didn't realize she missed so much.

"Hey Suge, how are you doll" Santana said, opening her arms for Sugar to fall into.

"I miss you."

"Miss you too, Suge. Thank you so much for the times you came out to see me perform."

"You're so good, and you have so many fans!" Sugar said, as if letting it all soak it. "Thank goodness you have Brittany. So many hot girls go to your shows and scream like crazy for you. Kurt says you would be utterly exhausted if you were still single."

Santana laughed and rolled her eyes. "I hope you people aren't telling the tabloids that I was as bad as you make me out to be. Every week they have a story about some girl I allegedly rolled around in bed with. They already accuse me of sleeping with enough women to populate a small country."

"Haven't you?" Sugar said with a wide smile.

"I missed you. Who else is here tonight?"

"Everybody is. Even Sam, Quinn and Mercedes."

"What? And nobody invited me?"

"You're busy being a superstar."

"I'm not too busy to be a friend."

"We know," Sugar said sadly. "I'm sure they didn't mean anything by it."

"I know," Santana said in understanding. "Still, I don't want you guys thinking I'm too famous to hang out with without an appointment."

"We know. We figured you've been recording so much while you were in New York and then you would want to see your family..."

"You guys are my family. That's what you don't seem to understand. I need nights like this, and maybe I'd have more of them if I had invitations because I would try and make more space for them. Or maybe you guys could come to my place and pull me out of the studio sometimes. I would love that."

"Ok Sanny," Sugar said.

"I didn't forget about you guys Suge. Don't forget about me," Santana said as she squeezed Sugar's hand before letting it go. She took Brittany's hand and Brittany looked at her softly, encouraging her to go further into the club.

Santana just wanted to go home, and Brittany could feel it. Santana needed things to be normal for a while, but this is normal now. She doesn't feel like she belongs anywhere anymore. She's no superstar, no matter what the world says. She's a singer. She does it because she loves it, and if it puts food on the table that's a bonus. But she's not glitz and glamour. She's jeans and t shirts. She's beer and pretzels not champagne and strawberries. She's Holly's not Hollywood. She doesn't belong there, but she doesn't belong here either. She'll stay a little while and then she will go home, back to her ivory tower.
She loves her success, her accolades, and her fans...not because they want to be her or want to be with her, but because they feel her music. They feel her. She writes. She writes and she sings now, because that's all that she has that hasn't changed. People treat her differently, sometimes that's good and sometimes that's bad. To be treated differently at Holly's doesn't feel good. She thought back to just two short years ago, walking in and Sugar greeting her, getting in her business. Trading jabs with Quinn. Insulting Rachel. Teasing Sam. Being protected by David. All she wanted was a night like that, but before she could reach her friends she's signing autographs and taking pictures and greeting patrons and she has people filming her and she can see some are waiting...waiting to see if she will sing. And she's paranoid because people are on the phone and she wonders who they are calling, and if they are telling them to come on down to Holly's, so she can have more cameras in her face, like she's on the other side of the cage in the zoo.

You can't go home again. It's true. You can go back to the physical space, but it never quite feels like the home you left behind.

Maybe she's just tired. Tired of working, tired of writing, tired of this new project. She has to live up to the hype of "Stronger than Shame". She has to live with her family being in the crossfire because she's famous. Of course they learned about Nani and Santana being as close as sisters. Of course they learned about Lexi. Sexy Lexi, how they learned that name, or how they found out that Santana gave her that name...well she will never know. How they learned that Santana calls Nani "Pu" and Nani calls Santana "Simon" she will never know. How they learned about Wolf being a womanizer she will never know. Then there was the woman who claimed that she was Santana's sister because Wolf slept with her mother 20 years ago and she believed that they looked alike. Wolf insisted on a paternity test...not because he thought the woman was his daughter but because he wanted to get the message out that there will be no dodging paternity claims and he will not allow people to do interview after interview based on his daughter's fame. He will always be willing to take a paternity test, and he will expect you to come out of pocket for the costs when you're proven wrong because no matter what Santana thinks he knows that he's been careful. It's been over two years of this, slowly building, and while Santana knew this was a part of fame, it all feels so different than you would expect when you're actually living it.

And she knows that it will get worse as her fame grows, and so if she does well with her second album things will only get crazier. She doesn't want to only hang out where other famous people are so that hopefully your fame is far enough down the food chain that they will be distracted by the more glamourous stars. Maybe that's what those obnoxious industry parties are really all about...hiding in the crowd and networking. But Nani and Lexi just walked in the room, and it never fails to make her feel better when Nani comes to back her up, and so she made her way to the table and her group of friends as Nani and Lexi stopped to say hello to Sugar.

"Santana!" the table greeted, surprised to see her in attendance. They all stood in order to get hugs from Santana and greet her properly.

"Hey everybody. How's it going?" Santana said, trying to get rid of the nagging pain in her chest that her friends think she's too big to hang out with them these days. She looked around the table and saw that even the new guy was there, same stupid haircut, sharing space at the table where she once had a space.

Santana hugged David extra hard. She just needed to feel protected. She just needed one friend that she didn't feel guilty around that she was the one who made it and they hadn't yet, even though they each deserve it. She just needed to feel like that's not the reason her phone doesn't ring as much as it used to...and honestly she's starting to be tired of always being the one who picks up the phone first to ask if someone wants to come see her on the road.

She even invited Berry out...Berry for Christ's sake. She blamed it on wanting to see her Finnocence but she was actually happy to see Rachel too.

She must be down bad these days, she thought.

She doesn't know if she is changing or if they are...but something is changing.

It hurts.

But Santana tried to put on her smiley face. She's getting good at it. After all, she is taking acting lessons now. And guitar lessons. And piano lessons. And learning how to produce and work the boards in a music studio. She's busy, but she still needs the people she loves. She has her family. She has Brittany. She has Mercedes and Quinn, who are kind of like sisters to her in very different ways. She has Sam when she's on tour. She has friends that fly out when she's on tour, both friends from Holly's and some of the Tainted Angels. When she's not on tour, when she's taking this lesson or that lesson, when she's writing and recording and filming ads, when she's doing radio interviews and signing contracts...sometimes she feels lonely, even with all of the people around her, because unlike when she first started she doesn't feel like she has as many people at home as she once did. Sure, she can probably call them for anything and they'll come. That means something. She would just like if they called her too sometimes.

She knows that it may be partly her fault. People would call and she's working and the phone would go to voicemail. She's always returns the call...always. Sometimes it was just a quick call to make sure everything was alright and then she would have to call them back. Sometimes that would be late at night, or the next day, or late the next day when she finally woke up because she had worked until 2am or there was a huge time difference. Like that time she called Kurt at 3:30 am because she got her time zones mixed up. He wasn't angry but she knew he was tired. She remembered those bone tired nights after waiting tables at Holly's and Holly's was pretty busy most nights now that Santana had put it on the map. He was tired, but he talked for a few minutes, and put David on the phone, before Santana set them free and hung up. She knows they still love her. She knows that they don't know her schedule. She just wishes they would at least text her once in a while. She feels like they've forgotten about her, and she doesn't even want to come to Holly's anymore after this. She just doesn't feel welcome.

The group spent the first few minutes finding out what Santana had been up to. Then Nani and Lexi joined them and the chat was more lighthearted and Santana began to feel how she came there to feel. She began to feel like it was old times.

"So any new news that I've missed out on?" Santana asked while sipping her beer.

"Well I just got cast in an off off Broadway production in a very exciting role," Rachel said.

"Really! That's amazing Rachel. I'm so proud of you! Tell me all about the role." Santana said.

"Well, I play 'annoying girl number one' and I also sing and of course I'm one of the chorus singers as well."

"Annoying girl number one, huh? A role you were born to play," Santana said. The quip didn't feel as natural as usual but she had to do it.

She had to.

Rachel just rolled her eyes while the others laughed. "Yes, we open in two months. We expect to pack the house every night."

"I'm really happy for your Rachel. I hope I get the chance to come out and see it."

Santana wanted to take another playful dig but she stopped herself. She can't have that kind of fun with them anymore. She's made it, and they're still struggling to make it, and it feels cruel if she were to do it now. She can't make the joke about how there's less than 100 seats to fill in an off off Broadway play and so they better pack the house. Or how a train car holds more seats than an off off Broadway play. Or how off off Broadway is nowhere near Broadway. Or all of the jokes they have all made about each other when they had these small gigs. How she was teased about being the Latina at the Bar Mitvah singing Hava Nigalia who would sometimes jokingly yell "Wepa" at the end.

Banter...she misses the normal banter.

Still, she stayed about two hours, catching up, before she told Nani she was leaving. Nani was surprised, because she knew that Santana had intended to really watch the show and enjoy her friends, but she graciously waited for the performances to end. Finn closed the show and made it to the table where Santana chatted for 20 minutes and then Nani was protective again. She sensed all night that Santana wasn't herself, and so Nani "reminded" Santana that she promised to help her with something the next day, and so they made their leave. After the hugs when they made their way to the front to grab Santana's bike Nani asked her what was wrong.

"Nothing"

"Your place or ours?"

"Let's call it a night, Pu. We'll talk in the morning."

"Simon..."

"Brittany will take care of me tonight, just be prepared to do your part in the morning."

Nani sighed, "You've got it."

Nani hugged her cousin extra tight and then hugged Brittany. Santana hugged Lexi, and then noticed some people with their phones out recording and taking pictures. Santana sighed as Lexi then hugged Brittany. Then Santana jumped on her bike, waiting for Brittany to slide on behind her, and she made her way home as fast as she could.

Back at Holly's the group sat laughing and chatting at the table, but Sugar was deep in thought. They think she's the crazy one, but now she thinks that they're the ones with the problem if they couldn't see that Santana was off.

"It was nice to see Santana. I'm glad she had some time to stop by. Wish she could have stayed a little longer," Dave said and everyone agreed.

"Maybe she would have, if she didn't feel like she was crashing our party," Sugar said sadly.

"What are you talking about?" Quinn asked.

"She felt left out."

"Why would she feel left out at Holly's?" Mercedes asked.

"Think about it. Everybody was here tonight. We all knew she was in town, and nobody reached out to invite her. You guys just were out on the road with her and haven't started back working here yet. You all decide to come down and surprise us, but nobody included Santana."

"Santana has a ton of things on her plate," Quinn started.

"Let her decide that for herself!" Sugar said angrily. "Sorry, you just didn't see the look on her face when she found out you were all here."

"What look?" Rachel asked.

"She looked sad, like she's not one of us anymore, and she didn't change, not until she started getting left out of stuff, and now my Sanny is all sad and stuff. She said she's never too busy to be a friend and that she doesn't want people acting like they need an appointment to invite her somewhere and she's right. She's not too busy to be a friend, because even if she doesn't have time to hang out she always calls and asks our schedules and asks if we want her to make accommodations for us to come and see her on the road. She may not have a lot of time to talk to us backstage but she always makes sure to at least eat with us before we head back home. She's trying, and nobody could even call and say 'hey, we're all going to Holly's. I know you're busy but we hope you can stop by'."

The table went quiet.

"She was different tonight," Finn said. "I thought she was just tired."

"I thought it was because of all the people taking her picture and stuff," Sam said. "She's not really a fan of the celebrity part of being famous."

"Maybe it was all of that, but we could have helped her forget just for a little while and we didn't." Sugar said.

"Oh man," Kurt said. "Sugar is right."

"This is on us," Quinn said. "The three of us decided to drop by and surprise you guys after we got back from doing that morning show performance with her in Seattle. We just figured it was a quick turnaround trip and we know she has some other things scheduled this week so we thought she would just want to rest up this weekend and finally have some time with Brittany."

"Since when did Santana start wanting people to think for her?" Dave asked.

"We didn't think it was a big deal. She sees us all the time when she needs backup singers on the road." Sam said

"But she doesn't see us all together...not the whole group of us," Mercedes said. "Also, I'm pretty sure that some of these performances don't require her background singers. I think sometimes she just doesn't want to be alone."

"I've suspected the same at times," Quinn said.

"We messed up with this one. I'll call her..." Mercedes said.

"No! Leave her alone tonight. She won't want to hear from you!" Sugar said, still a little angrier than she had realized. "Talk to her in the morning."

"I never thought I'd say this but Sugar may be right," Quinn said.

"I'm going to at least text her. She's riding her bike anyway. Nani said they have plans tomorrow. Nobody wants to interrupt her Nani time, and nobody wants to have a conversation like this around Nani and set her off because Santana will get quiet and Nani will be ready to go all ninja warrior on everybody. I'm sure with the tabloids in her business she's just waiting to take a chunk out of somebody's behind anyway." Mercedes said.

"Santana has been in the tabloids a lot." Kurt said.

"Camille too, it's because of all of the publicity they got when they took home all of those Grammys and that Oscar. It opened up a can of worms," Quinn said.

"Yeah, we had no idea that Camille was having family issues. Explains why she's around Santana so much these days," David said.

"Yes, they are the hot topics for now, and for some reason that stresses Santana out more for Brittany than for herself. Brittany's stepfather is very ill, and Santana doesn't want him seeing or hearing anything that will upset him as he starts these new treatments. Brittany doesn't have a good relationship with her mother. I think they may be worried about her leaking stories to the press." Quinn said.

"What stories? The worst they had to worry about they leaked themselves." Finn said.

"They can never really stop worrying about it. It's all out there forever." Mercedes said.

"They have the best lawyers now," Rachel said. "I don't think they'll become a concern again. Individuals may try and upload it but the sites that host the images would get sued out of existence."

"I sure hope it won't become an issue again," Sugar said. "In the meantime we gotta do better." Everyone shook their head in agreement. "And when you text her Mercedes, just tell her we all love her and we're proud of her."

"Don't worry, I will."

As Santana left to head for home Brittany made a request. She asked Santana to just ride for a while, to clear her head, to allow her to hold on tight and rest her chin on Santana's shoulder and feel the night air. It made Santana smile, and Brittany knew that it would. This is the first time Santana has taken her bike out in a long time. There was no need to make it such a short ride.

Santana drove Brittany through the city and then headed for the outskirts. They drove around for about 2 hours before Santana headed for home. She didn't want to stop riding, but she had to. She had to get up early for church. Once she reached home and parked her bike securely in her spot she pulled Brittany in close and just held her for a long time at the front door.

"You okay?"

"I'm okay. Thinking too much as usual. I'll sort it out. I promise you it's nothing."

"I'm here for you."

"I know you are, doll."

"Can I make love to you?" Brittany asked, searching Santana's eyes.

"Of course you can, doll." Santana smiled.

"You don't have to if you don't feel like it..."

"I'm fine."

"I just want to love you, Santana. I don't want you to do a thing. I want you to just let me love you from head to toe. I want to offer you my strength if you need it tonight. Then afterwards I want you to curl into my arms and rest. You seem so stressed, so tired, always trying to help everybody else. I'll give you some good news. Stan is doing great with his new treatments, and Melissa says she's thankful even if it only buys him another day, because any additional time she gets with him is a gift. It's too early to know if it's working, but he's in less pain. He's comfortable, he's at peace, and I know it's because of the quality of care. Even the facility where he gets his chemo is so much better. He says it's like a resort for sick people. It doesn't feel as much like the sterile environment where death is looming just outside the door. He said this place feels like hope."

That was the best news that Santana had heard in a while. She was so happy that she could help, even if he's not out of the woods yet.

"Brittany, that's all I needed to hear to make things better tonight..."

"Ssshhhhhhh," Brittany smiled, placing a finger to Santana's lips which she instantly licked and sucked playfully into her mouth. Once she let her finger go Brittany instantly went to unbutton Santana's pants.

"Don't want to talk about that now. Don't want to talk about anything now." Brittany slid her hand inside Santana's panties and used the finger that Santana had just tasted to rub circles on the bundle of nerves there.

"Fucking shit," Santana sighed, her eyes closing and her legs weakening.

"What I want to do tonight, is leave you spent. I don't want anything in return. I want you to feel like you were fucked so good you had nothing to give in return. Trust me, I'll take an IOU." Brittany smiled seductively.

"Love it when you cuss," Santana smiled. "And I'll repay you, with interest," Santana promised, licking her lips and bringing her bottom lip between her teeth.

"I'll hold you to that, but for now, clear your mind. You took me for a ride earlier, and now I'm going to take you for one." Brittany said and Santana smiled as Brittany took her hand and led her to their bedroom.

Santana loved this so much. She loved having a home that they chose together, filled with furniture that they chose together, with pictures of the people they love hanging on the wall. With paintings that Brittany made hanging on the wall and a car that she bought for Brittany parked in one of their two parking spots...a car that Brittany insists that they call "ours" even if Santana refused to put her name on the title. A car that Brittany loves for many reasons, the most important reason being that Santana bought it for her because she loved her.

And Santana loves how Brittany has gotten so amazing at making lady love, and she loves how right now, Brittany is about to give her one of her favorite things.

After Brittany undressed Santana and then herself she lay her down, and after lazily kissing her for a few moments she kissed every part of her body on her way to her desired destination, and then she slowly dragged her tongue through Santana's folds, and Santana listened for the cute little sound she always makes when she hums at the first taste of her. It never fails to make Santana's lips curl into a smile.

And then Brittany loved her that way, taking her time as she felt the tension leave Santana's body with each stroke of her tongue. It has become Brittany's favorite thing to do to Santana, because she knows that Santana saved that gift for her. She knows that with the countless women that Santana has been with only two have gotten to have her that way, and she believes Santana when Santana tells her that even Dani hadn't gotten the best of her. So when Brittany loves her that way...loves her in a way that she knows is so intimate and special to Santana, Brittany doesn't care how many women have given Santana that gift, she knows for a fact that she's never received any of them the way that she receives Brittany.

And it was all that Brittany had intended to do to her that night, to go down on her soft and sweet and love the tension out of her body, but as Santana found herself being worked up Brittany wanted to give her more, and another of her favorite things has become using a strap on. It reminds her of Santana's patience with her, how she must love her so, for her to allow Brittany the space to learn, and to have so much fun doing so. Santana had been with so many experienced women, and yet she was always patient with Brittany...never pushing her to try new things, never over instructing her on how to make love to her. She just let Brittany be Brittany, and now Brittany knows how to make love to her in ways that touch parts of her that she never knew existed, parts of Santana that makes her hear music when Brittany loves her.

And so Brittany looked into Santana's eyes and Santana smiled, all relaxed and soft, and Brittany smiled in return before reaching for the strap. She no longer felt strange putting it on, no longer fumbled, and only occasionally did she cum too quickly from the sensation of it all. She had become experienced at pleasing Santana with it. She liked to love her slowly, in her own way. She liked to arch her back as she fell deep inside of her, because Santana loved the sight of it. Santana tends to be more passionate, gently pulling Brittany's hair so she can speak into her ear, telling her secrets in Spanish that she's not ready to let her know yet but that she wants to confess. Positioning her and rising and falling in a way that the mere sight of it nearly sends Brittany into hysterics, and then aggressively picking up the pace in order to intensify her orgasm. As Brittany learned how to make love to a woman she learned something else. Santana was making love to her that way because she was making sure that her actions were tailor made to bring Brittany as much pleasure as possible. Santana was making love to her unlike she has made love to Dani, unlike she had been with Lexi, or Tiffany, or Nikki or Sophia. Unlike she had been with any girl who she simply enjoyed for a night or two. Santana made love to her like she knew her, like she's known her in a past life, like she wants Brittany to remember this feeling in her soul so that she will recognize it in her next life, and wait for that feeling so they each will know when they have found each other again.

And then Brittany loved her in that way she had come to love, because she knew it made Santana's heart swell. She used one arm to hold her tight and the other hand she braced herself against the headboard, and she locked eyes with Santana, wordlessly filling her heart with 'I love yous', before eventually lowering her arm and holding her close, so close, as she filled her with all she had to give. She would kiss her tenderly as she would rise and fall, working her way down to her neck and lingering there, before paying attention to her breasts and then locking eyes with her, simply mouthing the words 'I love you'. Santana would sometimes smile when she did that, or like this night, the words would pierce her heart so deeply she'd almost grimace from the ache of it, and she would have to say the words aloud...'I love you too, Brittany."

Then afterwards Santana's body would shake, and Brittany would lower herself, and drink all of her love that had pooled there, and she would feel the same piercing pain in her heart, a good pain, a reminder that someone could touch her there, when she had given up on the chance of that ever happening.

Brittany knows now. This is her deepest love, her first real love perhaps. Nothing, no one else matters, before this storm, beautiful and potentially dangerous, came along and changed her world forever. Santana knows the same. Santana knows that Dani was puppy love, and this is grown woman shit. Brittany may be younger than her but she has such a mature way of loving her, unlike Dani, who had no idea what it meant to put her first. This night, as Brittany loved her down to her core, Santana lay in her arms afterwards and knew that everything would be okay. Brittany had helped to settle her spirit and maybe everything could be okay. Maybe you can go home, and the furniture has been rearranged and it may take you some time to find where everything is now in this new space, but at the end of the day it's still home and all of the important things that make it a home are still there. The people are still there. The love is still there. Maybe Holly's is still home if she gives it some time and space. And maybe tomorrow, when she steps foot in her grandmother's church, it will still be home, too.

Santana slept well that night, and the next morning she searched her closet for a simple dress. Brittany looked at her curiously when she laid the black and white garment on the bed. Santana decided to speak before Brittany asked the inevitable question.

"Nani and I are going to church this morning. You are of course welcome to come if you would like. As you know I've been thinking about this for a while, and Nani wanted to invite our moms and I thought about asking you sooner, but honestly I didn't want to have to explain to a bunch of people what I was trying to do here when I eventually would have put it off again. But after last night, after you," Santana said, pausing to walk over to Brittany and place a soft kiss on her lips, "I think I can do this."

Brittany smiled at Santana and kissed her again. "I'm happy about that."

"So would you like to come along?"

"Only if you want me to. If not I think it would be great if this was just you and Nani..."

"Pretty sure 'Cedes will be there."

"Yeah, but I've heard enough about this moment to know that maybe this isn't a girlfriend moment. I'll be here when you return. I'll make you lunch..."

"You've never been to a black church, they are going to talk to God all day. You better make that dinner," Santana said and they both laughed.

"Okay then, dinner it is."

"A part of me really wants you to come. I want to show you where I grew up, let you meet everyone who may still be there, let you meet some more of Mercedes' family. I want you there. I want you everywhere, but I think Nani and I will go alone this time, and hopefully things will go well and I can bring you back another time when I know for sure that it's safe."

"You're safe Santana, and we have a lifetime, honey."

Those words made Santana smile brightly.

"I hope you mean that, Britts," Santana replied.

"With all my heart,"

"Hey, maybe you can stop by after church. There's always a big meal after service, and there's always the best lemonade, ice tea and punch. I'll mix the lemonade and ice tea just right for you. I told you before it's an art form."

"It's called an Arnold Palmer," Brittany snickered. "Why won't you ever just say that?"

"Because that man didn't invent that drink and just because some nosey woman overheard him ordering one he gets the glory forever? Not on my watch!"

Brittany laughed, "It's so much easier to say Arnold Palmer."

"Then he went on to take credit as if he and his wife invented it just because they sat their asses on a porch mixing flavors. My grandmother was drinking iced tea and lemonade before anybody ever knew who he was and she wasn't calling it a Mary Wright."

"Well technically, was she even a Wright back then?" Brittany asked innocently. It always amused her when Santana went on one of her rants.

"Are you fucking with me right now Ohio?" Santana asked, half irritated, half amused at Brittany's antics.

Brittany smiled a sly smile and Santana laughed. It was what she needed and Brittany knew it. She needed not to overthink the church thing, but that's what Santana does...she overthinks. Brittany needed her to just relax and go to church.

"Go to church. Pray for me," Brittany smiled, kissing Santana on the lips.

"I always pray for you, doll," Santana replied.

"Well, pray for Stan," Brittany said seriously.

"I always pray for him too."

"Not going to meet you after church. You and Nani need to do this."

"I'll bring you a plate," Santana smiled.

"You better," Brittany replied, "And some lemonade and iced tea to mix," she said with a wink.

"That's my girl," Santana said, pulling her into a hug to let her know she appreciated her not calling it an Arnold Palmer, but more importantly, to let her know that she appreciated her.

Nani arrived at Santana's apartment and Brittany smiled. These two cousins, dressed modestly with their hair curled to perfection, Brittany couldn't help but silently thank the woman they were going to honor for creating these two beautiful women. Nani greeted Brittany and as she held her close she whispered in her ear.

"Don't worry, I've got her. I'll text you to let you know that everything is alright."

"I know everything will be alright, she has you there," Brittany whispered back.

"Now that you're gay you can't hold on to my woman that long", Santana said, coming closer to hug Nani.

"Oh Brittany and I long ago established we're going to hook up if you two ever mess up. We once lived together, we've seen how cute we look right out of bed in the morning." Nani said, winking at Brittany and stopping Santana in her tracks.

"Pray hard today at church Pu," Santana said seriously and Brittany laughed. Nani pulled Santana into a hug.

"Don't call me Pu in church," Nani reminded her.

"I'll try, but I make no promises," Santana said with a smile.

"You ready for this?" Nani asked.

"I'm ready, Pu." Santana said with a sigh.

"So let's go. We shouldn't be late the first time you've set foot in a church to worship in I don't know how many years..."

"Since grandma died..."

"Yeah," Nani said sadly. "Me too"

"Well let's get to it then," Santana said, kissing Brittany and then reaching for her cousin's hand like she hadn't done since they were small girls walking out of their grandmother's apartment in their pretty white dresses and their ruffled church socks. Nani smiled at the gesture and squeezed her little cousin's hand to reassure her, before they walked out of the door together. It wasn't until the reached the car that Santana spoke again.

"Thanks for this, Pu"

"Where else would I be? We're the infamous Wright cousins!"

Santana laughed, "You're always there for me. Always." Santana said seriously.

"I'm only here because I'm waiting for you to offer me a yacht."

Santana laughed, "I'd take you yacht shopping tomorrow, my credit is good."

"I'll settle for a little more time with my cousin. We will figure out a way to make that happen. I miss you Simon."

"Miss you too Pu. You've got it. I'll make sure we always have time for one another somehow."

"Always," Nani said, before driving off into the early Sunday morning.

The pair pulled up to the church that they hadn't visited in so many years. They were women now, and had last been there to say their final farewells to their beloved grandmother. They had sat in the front row of the small church and held hands there and wept, their mothers on either side of them to offer comfort. They each sat there and remembered the lessons that Mary Wright had taught them about life, about justice, about family before Santana and Nani stood before the church with their mothers and they all sang together one final time for the matriarch of the family, each with tears streaming down their eyes as they harmonized, each remembering the very special final private talks she had with them, secretly telling them the same important message..."you are the glue that holds this family together, and so I leave my most precious gift, my family, in your capable hands."

Each women always took her words of wisdom so seriously, and so she knew that they would each try their hardest to always do what was best for the family, in essence leaving the burden to each of them to work their asses off to preserve what she had made. Olivia was the responsible older sister...only 2 years older than Gladys, but the protector, while Gladys was the free spirit. It's so strange that their daughters took on the opposite rolls than they had in life...Santana the free spirit and Nani the fierce guardian. How she loved these four women. How they knew she loved having them stand there together, strong against the winds of life, singing to the heavens for her. How Nani and Santana knows that she would have loved them coming home to see her together still, just as she had made sure that it would always be.

Those church doors looked so big when the girls were small, and they had some of the best moments of their lives beyond those doors. Nani parked and then exited the car, waiting at the side for Santana to exit. It took them only a few moments to exit the parking lot and make their way to the front entrance where the door greeters were posted on either side. One of the men the women didn't recognize, however they were very familiar with the older man.

"Sister Santana, Sister Nani! Oh my goodness! It's so good to see you," the man said excitedly, releasing the hand of the person he had been greeting and leaving the others to be greeted by the younger man as he took a few short steps towards the women and grabbed them in a hug.

"Good morning, Brother Jones" the women both said with a smile.

"Mercedes didn't tell me you were coming this morning."

"Mercedes had no idea," Santana replied. "Is Mercedes here?"

"She better be since she's not out on the road with you," the man replied with a smile. "You know her mama don't play about church."

"Oh we know," Santana said and the two woman smiled at the man.

"Well let me stop making a scene and let you go on inside. Everyone will be so happy to see you both. Look at how beautiful you've grown. We are so proud of the women you've become and Santana we're so proud of what you're doing with your music. It was nice of you to take Mercedes out on the road with you, even though her mother wishes you would have left Sam at home."

"You raised a pious woman, Mr. Jones," Santana smiled. "Nothing is going to change that."

The man smiled, "I know Santana."

"...but if you ever want to come out and see us you know how to reach me, and I'll make sure you can come see your babygirl anytime you like."

"We appreciate that Santana."

"No problem. Well, I better get inside, I'm taking you away from your duties. See you in there, Mr. Jones."

"Good to have you girls back. Enjoy the sermon."

The ladies hugged Mr. Jones and then entered the church. Nothing really had changed since they had been there for their grandmother's funeral, and despite that being their last memory of the place they couldn't help but be overwhelmed by the beautiful memories they had there more than anything. Smiles crossed each of their faces as Nani reached for Santana's hand this time and quickly squeezed it, encouraging them both forward.

Immediately eyes turned their way, and smiles crossed the faces of the older members who remembered the pair. Mercedes looked up from where she lingered with the choir on the small stage and smiled in shock at the appearance of the duo. Instantly awe and excitement overcame the younger members who had heard tales of when Santana Lopez attended the church with her family and who were excited by the idea that this would be unlike any other Sunday they had spent there.

As Nani and Santana instinctively walked towards the area they had sat most of their young lives next to their grandmother they were stopped many times by people who remembered them. There were hugs and memories shared and excitement at the return of these two members of this small church family. Some of the choir members who had sung with Nani and Santana left the stage to greet them, and a familiar voice rose over the rumbling voices in the church.

"Who is out here disturbing my choir? Now y'all know that Mother Wright didn't play that," the woman looked at the pair sternly with a bit of mischief behind her eyes. The younger women smiled.

"Sorry sister Jones" they said simultaneously.

"Now y'all are either going to take your places up there and sing or let my choir concentrate. You know I run a tight ship."

"Yes you do," Nani replied.

"But first get yourselves over here and give me some love," she smiled. "I'm so happy to see you girls", the woman said, and Santana and Nani fell into her arms.

Mercedes watched the scene unfold for a moment as she planned when she might have a moment alone with Santana. She had text her the night before and Santana hadn't replied, which was unlike her. Then for her to show up in church with Nani she had to be going through something. Mercedes had thought it was just the fame, just the road. Now she knows it's something else. Mercedes came over and said hello, briefly hugging the pair. Then they moved on to hug the rest of the Jones family without any of their usual banter. It made Mercedes hurt inside, not for herself, but for how they had excluded Santana so blatantly the night before. She knows now for sure how much that had hurt her deep inside.

The parishioners that knew the infamous Wright cousins took their moments to say hello before Nani and Santana finally found a seat. They sat patiently waiting for services to start and some people came over and introduced themselves to Santana. A couple of people even took pictures with her. After about 10 minutes an older woman made her way up the aisle. She moved slowly, but both women locked eyes with her and smiled. They had greeted her warmly when they first arrived, finding her sitting near where their grandmother always sat, church hat and perfect skirt suit, soft brown skin that hid the truth of her advanced age. A younger man followed protectively, as if he wanted to be there for any potential stumble. She stopped and leaned in the aisle.

"Why are you girls sitting way in the back here? This is your grandmama's church. This is your home. You come sit up front with me," she said, reaching out her hand.

"Yes Mother Williams," the girls said, Santana taking the soft outstretched hand briefly before letting it go. Mother Williams stepped to the side to let the young parishioners who had found a seat next to Santana slide out of the pew to allows Santana and Nani to exit. She gave the teens a cautionary look and once both women moved from their seats she reminded the teens to enjoy the service and began walking up the aisle behind Nani and Santana.

Once at the front of the church the women stood next to Mother Williams' seat and waited out of respect for her to find her seat again. They had wanted to sit in the back, low key, but even at their grandmother's church Santana had become a spectacle. Both she and Nani were happy the older woman, their grandmother's true friend, had come and took their hands the way that their own grandmother would.

Santana had found her person to talk to if given the chance...

"You two sit down right here next to me," the woman said, and as Santana went to sit Nani nudged Santana to take the seat directly next to her and Nani sat at her side, the two women forming a protective bubble around Santana. Mother Williams looked at Nani and smiled. The girl was still the same, still protective of her little cousin, of her family, of those she loved. She had her grandmother's spirit...warm when necessary, soft when at rest, fierce when need be.

Her friend would be proud.

"Nani, why don't you sit on the other side of me here and let Junior set there on the other side of Santana. I want to sit next to the both of you. You two remember my grandson. He won't let nobody bother her."

"I'm not worried about anyone bothering her" Nani lied, blushing. She didn't want to come off as overprotective and she didn't want people thinking Santana was acting like a superstar.

"Girl hush. You were worried and they were already bothering her, but that won't happen with me here and Junior don't play," Mother Williams said and Nani and Santana laughed. Nani stood and switched seats with Junior who gave Nani a sweet smile. He had always had a crush on her but Nani had never returned his interests. She had grown up to be just as beautiful as he knew that she would and his heart raced a little, even though he knew that now Nani was in a relationship with a woman. Still, that didn't make him forget old feelings. If she were single, he would certainly pursue her. He was far from the skinny boy she had left behind and he could see from the look in her eyes that Nani saw the change in him and appreciated it, even if she wasn't interested in pursuing it.
Nani sat and the woman took a hand from both women and squeezed them. She knew they were there looking for something, everyone comes home hopeful for something, and she would greet her friend's granddaughters and make sure they had the peace to maybe find it.

"I sure am glad to see you girls. How are your mothers?"

"They're fine, Mother Williams," Nani answered.

"We're proud of you around here. Both of you," the woman said, squeezing Nani's hand. She wouldn't heap praise on one. That's another thing that Mary Wright had stressed. Both of her girls were special. Both would always be acknowledged as such. Sure, everyone had heard Santana's songs, seen her awards shows and music videos, but both these girls were children of this church, and both were doing well.

"Thank you," both women replied.

"Service is about to start, and afterwards I hope you stay a while. Would love to catch up, and you know you have to stay and eat. You two could use the extra meat on your bones."

Both women smiled. "We would love that," Santana answered truthfully.

"Good well let's hunker down then. You know pastor is going to show off since you two are visiting. When the younger ones start complaining about the extra hour of service I won't tell them it's because of you."

"They'll know anyway, and they won't care. They'll get to spend an extra hour on social media or plotting how to get autographs and pictures." Junior said, shaking his head.

Mother Williams looked at Santana and saw her tense. She stood shakily to her feet and looked at Nani and saw the same tension in her eyes.

Junior went to stand but Mother Williams raised a firm hand that caused the man to sit back down. She made her way to up the three stairs to the pulpit where the pastor was setting up for his sermon. He looked at her and simply stepped aside. The woman had been a member of the church longer than he had been their pastor, and she was a mother in this church, a revered elder. She stood and looked firmly at he crowd and the room quickly quieted.

"Peace be with you," the woman said.

"And also with you," the church replied.

"I just wanted to welcome home two daughters of our church. Sister Wright...Mother Wright to many of you younger ones who have been here for years, her beautiful granddaughters Nani and Santana have blessed us with their presence this Sunday."

There was applause and cheers from the crowd.

"As you all know Sister Santana has been making us proud singing all over the world but as her grandmother taught both of these ladies they remembered that they always have a home here."

There were "Amens" and heads nodding in agreement throughout the crowd.

"But I came up here to remind you that no one star shines brighter than another in God's eyes, and since we are in God's house I want to remind you to focus on giving the glory to God on the Lord's day. We are here to give Him praise today. These ladies found their way home because they never forgot that this is where they belong, that they are a part of this church family and always will be, and we will treat them like any other member of the family, because that is how they came here to be treated. Neither one will be invited to give any testimonies today unless they volunteer to, because they came here simply to worship and be spiritually fed. They will testify on God's time and not man's. Respect God's house, and respect one another. Sister Santana and Sister Nani have enough of their lives out there for the world to see. They get their pictures snapped enough. They share enough of their private moments. They are here to talk to God and to feel His presence and love, and how they worship remains here in God's house. Welcome them home. Make them comfortable. Welcome them as family welcomes one another home, and make them feel safe enough to want to return any time that they can. Respect their privacy. God is watching, honor Him, honor yourselves, and honor our church home by loving and respecting one another. Have a wonderful service, everyone."

Mother Williams then made her way down the stairs and back to her seat. Junior, Nani, and Santana rose to their feet as a sign of respect until their elder was seated. Santana and Nani looked at the woman with gratitude and Nani offered a slight smile. Mother Williams gave her a small nod and squeezed her hand. It made her heart warm. Nani hadn't changed. Still so protective of the ones she loves. Still so protective of Santana. These girls...she still sees her old friend in these girls. She has missed her, but these two visiting...all that Mary Wright was is standing before her and in her heart she knows why they are there. She knows they came home looking for a piece of her old friend. She would protect them. She would try and give it to them.

She also knows that Santana is a star, hell in her eyes Santana is a superstar, but she always has been. So has Nani. She's loved these girls since they were born. She had hoped that her grandson Michael...Junior to those who grew up with him and knew his late father...she had hoped that he and Nani would date some day. It never happened, but she has loved her just the same. And so she would watch over Santana with her now. She would make sure the church members knew that their cameras weren't welcome. She would let them know there would be no autograph seeking and trying to sit next to her during service. She would let the pastor know that there would be no testimonies given so that he can put her on display and claim her as a member of his flock. These girls...Santana she suspects the most...have come home to quiet their spirits. She would make sure they had the room to do that.

And so service started, and while Sister Jones had intended to invite Nani and Santana to take their place in the choir for a song or two Mother Williams' words had touched her, and she realized that maybe this wasn't meant to be that sort of homecoming...where the two girls fall right back into their places in the church. Maybe they were here to find a different sort of comfort...a quiet comfort...and so as much as Sister Jones missed these two in her choir and would have loved a reunion with them, to see them laughing amongst the other choir members and sometimes causing a little mischief, she would hopefully get to have that another day with them. Or maybe, like her own children, they've grown now, and those days are over and she would have to just smile at the memories.

And the pastor had gotten the message as well. He preached, maybe a bit longer and more passionately than usual, but he removed the thought from his mind that maybe the girls he never met but had heard so much about would speak, especially Santana, and maybe even sing, and he had to remind himself...Mother Williams had reminded him like a good church mother does...that this is God's house, and that they were there to praise God, and that He and He alone was the star of this show.

And so Santana and Nani enjoyed the service, much of which Mother Williams would take their hand and hold it, or squeeze it, and the girls almost wanted to cry. Their grandmother was there with them, they felt her, and soon they hope they would hear her even more clearly from deep within their hearts.

And Santana sat and remembered, remembered when she grew up in this place and times were simple and her grandmother was alive. Before she came out, before the tape, before the loss of the woman she really needs to hear from today. The one she never got to make proud, not in the way she wanted to. The one she never got to apologize to for the mistakes she has made. The one who loved her enough to pretend she didn't know some of those mistakes.

And Santana relaxed, and so Nani relaxed, and when the offering plate came by the woman noticed Nani make a generous offering and Santana reached into the pocket of her jacket and removed an envelope. No way she could know but the check inside held enough to help the church for many months to come. It was by far the largest gift they had ever received from anyone. It was Santana's way of thanking this place, these people, who gave her and Nani a safe place to grow. By the end of the service the cousins felt refreshed. Afterwards they chatted a while, catching up with others as they made their way downstairs to where they would all share a meal together. Some of the younger members couldn't resist the chance to meet Santana and when Mother Williams went to shoo them away Santana said it was okay, taking some time to take pictures with as many of them as possible. She ended up spending about a 40 minutes doing so, providing the opportunity for those in the small church to have their moment with her. Mother Williams stood nearby, making sure nobody chatted too long and that things didn't get out of hand. When the food was ready she put an end to things.

"Okay everybody. Sister Santana was nice enough to give you all some of her private time, now I expect that the rest of the day she should be able to have for herself in peace. Leave her be, now" the woman said, taking Santana's hand and making sure to find a small table in the corner. It was a small round table with four chairs and Mother Williams took a seat. Nani and Santana fell in beside her. When Junior went to take the seat across from her Mother Williams stopped him.

"Junior, why don't you go on ahead and get you something to eat and sit with the men for a spell. I want a little time with Sister Wright's girls."

He knew exactly what the woman was doing, "No problem mama. Should I bring you all over a plate?"

"No, no. We will be up there as soon as they start serving." Mother Williams said.

"Okay, mama," the man said. He smiled as he passed by Nani and Santana couldn't help but look at her and smile. Nani rolled her eyes at Santana causing her to giggle. Mother Williams smiled inwardly at the scene. After all this time, they were the same girls.

"We'll go up and get something to eat in a minute, just wanted to make sure you two found a seat where you'll be able to eat in peace. Is this good for you?"

"It's perfect, Mother Williams" Santana said.

"Good, and maybe we can catch up a bit. Haven't seen you girls since Sister Wright's homegoing services."

"Not easy to come here now," Nani admitted to the surprise of Santana. Maybe she needed to be here, too.

"I understand, child, your grandmother was a good woman."

"A great woman," Nani corrected, with no disrespect intended. Mother Williams understood.

"A great woman and a great friend. I'm sure it's been a hard couple of years."

"Harder than you know, but we've remembered every lesson she ever taught us," Nani said. Santana sat quietly. She knew what Nani was doing. Opening the door. Testing the waters to see if they were safe for her. Doing what she always did...protecting the ones she loved, protecting Santana, and in that moment Santana became like a child again, feeling comfort in that safety and finding courage.

"I knew that you would. Your grandmother was a good teacher. If I had to guess that played a role in how good of a teacher you ended up being as well, Nani."

Nani smiled softly. She never really thought of her teaching in that way. The two women fell silent, and Nani looked at Santana to see if she was ready to speak.

She wasn't.

"We miss her," Nani said sadly, even though the world already knew. "We miss everything about her, but more than anything right now, we miss her voice. We still listen for it when times are hard and we need her wisdom."

"She's still with you."

"Always," Nani said, making sure to look at Santana when she did.

Mother Williams took in the scene and thought that maybe the ladies, especially Santana, just needed a moment to find the courage to speak their hearts.

"Well, food's ready. Let's get some food in you two. Get some meat on those bones. Don't know how many home cooked meals you get these days Santana but I get plenty and smelling that food has me good and hungry."

"I could eat," Santana said smiling.

"And you're welcome to come back and sit with me and enjoy your meal, but I don't want to monopolize your time. I know there are a lot of other people you would like to catch up with but if anybody starts driving you crazy just come get me and I'll gather them up real quick."

The ladies both smiled at the woman.

"I just ask before you get out of here please stop and say goodbye. Would be honored to chat a little more with you both, see what you're really up to, not what the people on the tv are interested in hearing about."

"That sounds real nice," Santana said.

"You both got so much of her in you," the woman said, almost as an afterthought. "Both look like her too in different ways and when you smile..."

"We know you miss her too," Nani said, touching the woman's hand.

"We made some trouble together in this world," the woman laughed.

"The best kind," Santana smiled.

"And you two are her little troublemakers, always have been."

"Always will be."

"Go eat. Enjoy yourself. Get a plate for those ladies you have waiting at home and save it for them. Maybe that will entice them to want to get you two back out here again."

The women both smiled. "Of course we will save some time for you," Santana said.

"I appreciate it."

Nani and Santana smiled and then went to eat. They sat with Mercedes and her family and caught up with them and some of the others. It's not like they haven't seen most of Mercedes' family here or there since Santana made sure that if Quinn, Sam, or Mercedes wanted family to make it to a show she would make arrangements for them. Still, it was nice seeing them here when she wasn't busy working.

Then Santana of course understood that she was still cultivating her image, and so she had to make herself available to at least take a few more pictures and chat a bit with some of the other members. Thankfully the church wasn't that big. Still, she didn't want to turn this day into a meet and greet. She didn't want to work. She had already given them almost an hour of her time before, and so she and Nani excused themselves for dessert and then went to sit with Mother Williams for a little peace and privacy. The woman could tell that the girls had something on their minds and were ready to speak now, and she had the feeling it had to do with their grandmother, and so she thought she would guide the conversation a little.

Thankfully for her, Nani had the same idea. Santana needed to get this out, but Nani knew she just couldn't bring herself to bring up that time in her life. Still, Nani knew she needed this. She asked for this. So Nani was going to make sure she did this.

"Mother Williams," Nani started, after a bit of small talk catching up on Nani's life. "As you probably figured out we came here for some pretty specific reasons."

"I figured as much," the woman answered and smiled inwardly. As much as she had seen Santana conquer in the public eye she was not shocked that it was Nani who remained her guiding force when times were hard.

"It's grams. Would be the best thing in the world if she were here. We both could really use her voice right now. We both have had a lot of life changes since she's been gone..."

"I know child. I know just knowing what she would say isn't enough. I'm guessing you came here to try and hear her a little clearer..."

"Yes," Nani admitted.

"Will a close friend do? I know I'm not your grandma, but we sure did spend a lot of time together. While I can't speak for her, I can share whatever she may have shared with me that could help you right now."

Nani sighed. She looked at Santana, who seemed to be finding her courage. Finding it...but not quite there yet.

"Enough of both of our lives are out there that I know you probably have heard about. Broke up with my boyfriend...have a girlfriend now."

"Saw her. She's gorgeous." Mother Williams smiled. "Both of you have chosen beautiful, beautiful women."

"I know what grandma would, without a doubt I know what she would say. She said it to Santana already, and I know she would treat me no differently. It's okay with her. It's okay with her that I love a woman." Nani paused, looking towards Santana briefly before sighing and continuing. "Santana knew her first..." was all she sheepishly said, and Santana had no idea that Nani still worried about her past with Lexi. It hadn't been discussed seriously in so long.

"I know honey. I'm not that old," the woman chuckled. "I have a television. Listen, listen to your heart as you already have been doing or I don't think that you of all people would have done this. I know it would be okay with her. She spoke so often about you Nani, and she worried about you too baby. She worried about your inability to just let go and be free and follow your heart. She would think this girl of yours must be pretty special, and pretty smart too, to find an interest in both of her granddaughters, and she would know that she ended up with whomever she was supposed to be with, because you two would never fight over the love of another person. Your love for one another has always been so strong."

Nani remained silent. Santana's eyes were locked on her but Nani was looking beyond them both, as if she were trying to picture her grandmother sitting in the empty space.

"Nani, she told me the same thing," Santana said, causing Nani to look her way. "She told me that you held it together so tightly for everyone else that you never let your hair down. Nani, you're beautiful with your hair down...perfect...and you knew what Lexi and I had was mainly a great friendship and so you let your hair down for once. Just wear it that way for a while, doll. You're glowing. I've never seen you glow like this before."

Mother Williams smiled at the scene she was witnessing. There are few people she has seen as close and as strong for one another as these two were. This was Mary Wright's doing. This was her legacy.

"If you're looking for your grandmother's permission to live your happiest life you already know you have it. You never brought her any shame Nani. You brought her nothing but joy," the woman said, squeezing Nani's hand.

Santana couldn't help it. She knows now that Nani needed this. She may need more, but Santana couldn't hold it any longer.

"What about me. Did I bring her shame?"

Mother right turned to Santana, never letting go of Nani's hand.

"No child. Can't you see? She never cared about your mistakes. She only cared how you recovered from them."

Santana fought back her tears.

"You two and your roles. Nani the perfect family protector. Santana the free spirit. She loved you both. She wanted you both to be whoever you wanted to be in this world. She gave her life for that, for all people, to be happy and free. Do you think she would want anything less for the two of you? If you found love Nani, true love that makes you glow, and Santana is right you're glowing honey, she would want that for you for every day for the rest of your life. I see you at these awards shows with Santana and you are beaming, and it's not just with pride. You love this girl down to your pores, and from the pictures I've seen of you together she loves you too. And Santana, she would be running through the streets screaming how proud she was of you for bouncing back from what you went through and turning it into an activist moment. You telling your story and your girlfriend telling hers and then you started a foundation, child. You had a voice, and you used it. You sang to get their attention, but once you had it you made them listen to the troubles in the world. You made them see the pain in people. You held your head high and become a leader."

Santana had tears streaming down her eyes.

"Santana just found out that grandma knew about the tape," Nani said, wanting to put things to rest once and for all.

"There you go, being the protector again," Mother Williams smiled. "Don't you know how special that is? Don't you know that your shoulders are as strong as your grandmother's were? My goodness girl, Sister Santana found her strength in you most of all. Yes, Mary knew about the tape Santana, and she came in this church and she set her foot down, and reminded each and every person in here that only God could judge you. You see, we all have our stories...some more salacious than others..." the woman said with a wink towards Santana, letting her know that she had listened to her music and been following her career. Santana and Nani laughed, and then felt a range of emotions imagining the woman listening to Santana sing "Salacious" and perhaps maybe even knowing the lyrics.

They both made a mental note to laugh about that later.

"You had to live your private mistake publicly, but she made sure that we knew that we would not flog you for them, not on her watch. And even when she got sick she made sure to tell me and the other Mothers here who were so close to her to keep everyone in line...even each other. See, she knew you would find your way back here. She didn't know when, or why, or how. What she did know is that it would be when you made it right with yourself and the ones you loved. And here you are." the woman smiled as she reached over and held Santana's hand again. "She knew you Santana. She knew you both. She could have never imagined how big you would become, but she always believed that you should be big but she knows the world isn't always fair. So if you are here looking for her forgiveness just know that you never needed it...because she was never ashamed of you."

And then Santana burst. She broke into tears and Mother Williams looked around and made sure that no eyes could see them. Nani also strategically placed herself in a way that blocked any prying eyes, and then she noticed that Junior stood not so far away, playing bodyguard so no one approached their private little area.

Mother Williams held her tight, because the child needed it. Not the woman she had become...Mary Wright's little girl needed it. When Santana had wept enough Mother Williams let her go and looked at her and smiled.

"Santana, we're all proud of you here...so proud. Proud of Mercedes too. And you too, Nani. What you do with those kids. What you do with Sister Wright's family, you have her strength and it's as loud as Santana's is, even if it's on a smaller stage. Nani, Sister Wright always worried that you didn't give yourself enough credit. She worried that you never would. Well make her prouder by knowing that you are the epitome of courage and strength. When she was sick she was so impressed how you not only held Santana together but your mothers as well. You visited and cooked for her and you smiled and joked with her when the others were struggling and you made her feel okay to move on. All of her girls, the Mighty Wright women she would call you, all of you were strong. All of you had her strength in you and it showed, but she was always amazed at how someone so young had discovered that strength and how to use it to carry her family forward at such a young age. And Santana, I wish she could have lived to hear you sing "Stronger than Shame". When you perform that song I cry every time. I don't know if Mercedes told you but we all watched that video right here one Sunday and pastor did an entire sermon around it. We're proud of you. Sister Mary is proud of you and she knew that even if the Mighty Wright women never stepped foot in a church again after her funeral she knew you would never forget your foundation. I know what she said to you, her last words to her legacies."

Both Nani and Santana looked at her as if there is no way that she could know. Mother Williams smiled.

"I know what she said because the last time she was in this church she said it to us, and I knew that was the last words she spoke to her church family, and I knew it would be some of the last words she spoke to you too on her last day, because it was her greatest wish. If she thought you girls were so bad she would not have spoken those words to you. It was one of her favorite quotes, and I could tell it stuck with you both. Do you know what quote I'm talking about?" Mother Williams asked. Both women shook their heads. They locked eyes and said it in unison.

"I'll see you in heaven. I'll be looking for you." the Wright cousins said in unison and a soft smile graced their faces.

"Now if she were ashamed of either one of you, do you think she would be expecting you there? I know she made it, and she went in peace because she knew that you would make it too," the old women said as she opened her arms wide to give these two young women the hugs that she promised their grandmother she would give them whenever they came home seeking them.