Author's Notes: These two chapters are based on the HBO series, Chernobyl. At first, I wondered if it was appropriate to make a parody of such a serious subject. Like, what's there to joke about? What the fuck is wrong with me? But after more research into the subject, I found the show to be 50% accurate on the history and science and that some of the more dramatic moments never actually happened. And this whole show is anti-communist propaganda and that doesn't sit well with me, nor should it you, comrades. New Krypton has been characterized as all sorts of Earth-based cultures to mock the blank blandness of Kryptonian culture in CW, so I get to substitute whatever I want for it here.
(Rated I for Immature)
Kryptonite
Episode 1
Kryptonite was the metal commonly used on Krypton as a building material, power source, hologram emitter, land creator, and anything else that can be thought of. In its ordinary state, it was a shiny clear crystal. On Earth, Green Kryptonite was commonly referred to as Kryptonite due to the absence of any other kind of Kryptonite. In reality, Kara's ship was made of Kryptonite and upon entry into Earth's atmosphere, many fragments came off the ship, became radioactively green, and scattered across the state of Maine. Some of these fragments ended up as Green Kryptonite posing a danger to Kara, herself, while others became X-Kryptonite that gave nearby humans metahuman abilities.
Additionally, Kryptonite could take on the colors of Red (Aggressiveness), Gold (Neutralizing Powers), White (Anti-Plant), Silver (Paranoia and Delusion), Black aka Harun-El (Duplication and Soul splitting), Blue (Neutralizes Red), Platinum (Gives Humans Kryptonian Powers), and Pink (Sexuality).
On New Krypton, ordinary Kryptonite was used for various functions including a power source. A power plant was conducting a routine test when it suddenly suffered a meltdown. The core exploded, destroying a large side of the plant and sending radioactive Kryptonite metals of various colors into the air. Firefighters quickly arrived to put out the fire and immediately started to show symptoms of Kryptonite radiation sickness. Plant workers also came down with symptoms as they attempted to assess the damage and keep the core from exploding again.
Episode 2
In New Krypton's orbit was a Poseidon-class sub currently cloaked. The Galactic Federation kept tabs on New Krypton at all times. Mara was in the captain's chair with Bro-Lee at her side. An alarm went off on the bridge, detecting Kryptonite radiation. "A leak?" Bro assumed.
"No, we would have detected it by now. It's coming from the planet," Mara said and then eyed her computer screen for readings. "It's radioactive decay."
"Reactor fuel?" Bro questioned. "Two hundred forty thousand kilometers away," he noted on his own datapad.
Mara hailed the New Krypton government. "This is Imperial Princess Mara-El, of the Galactic Federation...looking for...alright, stay calm," she said and then the New Krypton government hung up on her.
"It would appear they're not too keen on us spying on them," Mara rolled her eyes.
"The readings are present even four hundred thousand kilometers away," Bro said helpfully. "Could it be a waste dump?"
"We'd see other isotopes," Mara shot down.
"Nuclear test...new kind of bomb?" Bro asked.
"We would have heard about it. That's what half the crew on this ship are trained to detect," Mara discounted.
"Rockets or satellites?" Bro suggested.
"They're not returning my hails," Mara said frustrated. "So, you want an inspection? This is how you get an inspection," she muttered. Mara then hailed the Galactic Federation Imperial Command. "We have a problem. It's New Krypton."
The Imperial fleet immediately arrived at New Krypton with the USS Kara and its escort fleet. In the conference room, Kara took charge. The others in the room were Mon, Kon, Saora, Mara, Bro, Alex, Kelly, and Brainiac 5. "Thank you for showing up to this family get-together. We will begin with Mon's briefing and then we will discuss the next steps...if necessary," Kara said.
"The situation on New Krypton is stable, military and civilian patrols have secured the region, and General Prik-Lov, who commands troops specialized in chemical hazards, has been dispatched to the plant. In terms of radiation, plant director, Han-Lov, reports no more than 3.6 roentgen, which is weak sauce. It's like a chest X-ray," Mon summarized.
"Foreign alien press?" Kara asked, putting priorities in order.
"Totally unaware. I can assure you that we have successfully protected our security interests with our blockade of the planet," Mon said.
"Good. Well, seems like it's well in hand, false alarm, everyone. So, if there is nothing else...," Kara said pleased.
"Actually...," Brainiac 5 interrupted.
"Shit...," Kara sighed.
"We have witnesses' reports of smooth black minerals on the ground. It's Black Kryptonite on the ground," Brainiac 5 began.
"So...?" Kara winced.
"It's just debris," Mon said dismissively.
"There's only one way to create Black Kryptonite. It's from the core," Brainiac 5 continued. "If it's outside, it wasn't the coolant tank that exploded but the core, itself. The core is open."
"Err...Mon...you didn't put this in your report," Kara said peeved.
"I can assure you, Barney doesn't know what the fuck he's talking about. Han-Lov informed me the reactor core was intact...so there," Mon said defensively. "Also, the radiation level is..."
"The highest the Kryptonians were able to measure with their instruments. They gave you the numbers they had. I think the true number is much higher. The 3.6 roentgen measurement is not just one chest X-ray but 400. And the debris the firemen were picking up with their hands could be up to 4 million chest X-rays," Brainiac 5 said grimly.
"Alarmist hysteria," Mon rolled his eyes.
"Well, I'm not hearing any facts here, just conjecture, in direct contradiction to New Krypton officials," Kara said frustrated.
"May I express...my concern...as calmly... and as...respectfully...as I...," Brainiac 5 said super-condescendingly.
"You're full of shit, Barney. I know what's going on here perfectly!" Mon antagonized.
"I'll allow it," Kara said as she gave Mon a side-eyed look.
"A Kryptonian power reactor uses Kryptonite as fuel, three million grams of it. Right now, it's on fire. Winds will carry radioactive particles across the entire planet, rain will bring them down to the ground. This radioactive Kryptonite will be in the air, in the water, in the food supply," Brainiac 5 said.
"And you know all this shit from just witness reports of a shiny black rock on the ground?" Kara doubted.
"Yes," Brainiac 5 admitted.
"Mon, I want you to go to New Krypton. As an Insane, you're immune to Kryptonite. I want you to take a look at the reactor, personally, and report directly back to me," Kara said.
"A wise decision," Mon said smirkingly, having every intention of providing a false conclusion.
"And bring Barney with you," Kara added.
Mon frowned at that. "The fuck for?"
"Do you know how a Kryptonian reactor works?" Kara asked condescendingly.
"No," Mon admitted.
"Then, how will you know what you're looking at?" Kara asked obviously. "As for everyone else, do not go to the surface. Don't try to save lives, fix the reactor, or be a hero. Stay with the fleet," she ordered.
New Krypton
Mon, Brainiac 5, and Kryptonian's military brass took an Atlas shuttle to survey the damaged reactor. "How does a Kryptonian reactor work?" Mon asked casually.
"It's hardly a simple answer," Brainiac 5 evaded.
"You presume I'm too stupid to understand," Mon assumed.
"I presume you want to know the answers so you can have an excuse to get rid of me," Brainiac 5 said knowingly.
"Tell me how it works, or I'll have one of these Kryptonians throw you out. And we all know how much Kryptonians love Brainiacs," Mon threatened.
"Kryptonian crystals are not actually made of the element Krypton, which is an inert gas," Brainiac 5 began.
"No shit," Mon said obviously.
"These crystals contain phosphor and Tritium gas, a radioactive form of hydrogen. Tritium can emit light in any color based on the phosphor coating inside the crystal. The phosphor coating, in turn, is governed by nano-machines that can detect different radioactive elements within the crystal thus creating an emergency warning, so to speak, making them glow the appropriate color," Brainiac 5 explained.
"What's with the Black Kryptonite?" Mon asked.
"The fuel rods, the Kryptonite metal, are coated in this Black Kryptonite. So, to see Black Kryptonite lying on the ground heavily implies the core has been breached," Brainiac 5 said.
"Yeah, unless it's just an ordinary black rock," Mon rolled his eyes.
"We're approaching the power plant," the Kryptonian pilot informed them.
Brainiac 5 eyed the ruined power plant with his falcon vision. His eyes identified the elements in question. "There's Black Kryptonite on the roof. The core is exposed."
"How can you tell from here?" Mon scoffed.
"The air is literally glowing from ionization," Brainiac 5 said patiently.
"Yeah, get us over the reactor. I want a closer look," Mon ordered the pilot.
"If we get closer, the Kryptonians will face serious symptoms, even death," Brainiac 5 warned.
"What kind of symptoms are we talking about?" Mon asked interested.
"Aggression, sickness, paranoia, and sexuality disorders," Brainiac 5 listed off.
Mon laughed at that. "You have to be shitting me with that last one."
"Sir?" the pilot asked.
"Fly over the plant or I'll have you shot!" Mon threatened.
"If you fly over the plant, you'll be begging for that plasma bolt," Brainiac 5 warned.
"Well...shit," the pilot said as he navigated away from the plant.
Mara went to see a New Krypton's governor. He was arrogant and a fat-ass. "I have to tell you, this is why Kryptonians don't like the Insane. When we have a disease to cure, where are they? But when there isn't a problem, they're everywhere spreading fear," Gara-Nin said resentfully.
"I'm also half-Kryptonian. I know the core is partially or completely exposed," Mara said annoyed. "You must issue iodine tablets and evacuate the city. Or, hundreds of thousands of people will develop symptoms and die."
"I have been assured by your father, no less, that there is no problem. I prefer his opinion over yours," Gara said argumentatively.
"He's full-blooded Insane," Mara pointed out.
"Oh, shit," Gara realized. "Yeah, well, I used to be a boot factory worker. Now, I'm in charge. So, what are you going to do? Kill me?"
Mara considered doing just that but kept to her pledge. She then walked out in a huff.
That evening, Mon and Brainiac 5 met with Han-Lov, Prik-Lov, and Fom-In. Han was the general manager of the power plant, Fom was the chief engineer, and Prik was a general commander of chemical warfare.
"We're deeply honored by your presence, Lord Mon-El," Han groveled. "Naturally, we regret your visit, and the circumstances related but, as you can see, we are making excellent progress in containing the damage. We have begun our own inquiry into the cause of the accident, and I have an enemy's list of individuals you can dispose of."
"Much appreciated," Mon smirked as he glanced at the datapad.
Fom then turned to Brainiac 5. "Lord Dox, I understand you have been saying some dangerous things. Apparently, our reactor core exploded. Please, tell me how a Kryptonian reactor core explodes."
"I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain it to you," Brainiac 5 shut down.
"As I presumed, the Brainiac has no answer," Fom said victoriously.
"It's disgraceful, a Brainiac on Kryptonian soil, disgraceful, indeed," Han said pissed off. "Spreading misinformation like a time like this. How typical of a Brainiac."
"I assure you, I'm incapable of feeling shame," Brainiac 5 said dismissively.
"Why did I see Black Kryptonite on the roof? I don't think it's supposed to be there," Mon questioned.
"Yeah, that's not possible," Fom denied. "Maybe, it was burnt concrete."
"Well, that's your first mistake. I may not know much about Kryptonian reactors, but I know a hell of a lot about concrete. I know the force and energy it takes to crumble and vaporize concrete. I've leveled countless cities full of concrete. I know what burnt concrete looks like and that was not it," Mon said.
"My Lord, I...err...," Fom stumbled over himself.
"I understand you think Barney is wrong. How shall we prove it?" Mon asked expectedly.
"We can put a dosimeter on a vehicle, cover it in lead," Prik said.
"Even with lead shielding, it may not be enough protection," Brainiac 5 warned.
"Then, I'll do it, myself," Prik replied sacrificially.
"Holy shit," Mon whispered, in awe of this great warrior and hero of his people.
Mon, Brainiac 5, Han, and Fom waited for Gen. Prik to come back. "So, why don't you do it? You're a fucking robot," Mon pointed out to Brainiac 5.
"There's only one of me here and the radiation will eventually damage by CPU," Brainiac 5 replied.
"But you have an infinite number of yourselves," Mon said.
"Only one unit is allowed on New Krypton due to...irrational prejudices," Brainiac 5 said as he stared at Han and Fom.
Prik then arrived, got out of his vehicle, was washed down in his radiation suit, and approached the group. "It's not 3 roentgen, but 15 thousand," he said seriously.
"You hear that, Barney? It's over nine thousand," Mon smiled. "What the fuck does that number mean?"
"It means the core is open," Brainiac 5 said obviously. "Every single hour, hour after hour, 20 hours since the explosion, and it will not stop. Not in a week, not in a month. It will spread its poison until the entire planet is affected."
"You're excused," Mon dismissed Han and Fom. He then turned to Brainiac 5 with a more serious expression. "How do we put it out?"
"You can't pour water on it. The nuclear fire will vaporize the water creating more radioactive disbursement," Brainiac 5 said.
"I didn't ask what not to do. What can be done?" Mon asked impatiently.
"Sand. You'll need five thousand tons of sand and even that won't solve the problem," Brainiac 5 replied. "And that's if the pilots are able to pour directly on the core. Either the pilots become extremely affected and you bring in more and more pilots or they miss the target requiring more flights. In the meantime, you must evacuate the surrounding towns."
"Yeah, sure," Mon said.
"And you must allow me to bring a drone army to the planet," Brainiac 5 said.
"As much as I'd love to see the Kryptonians piss their pants at the sight of that, Kara won't allow that," Mon said dismissively.
"Then, make her see reason," Brainiac 5 insisted. "Are you in charge or not?"
"I am in charge," Mon said angrily.
"Then, make the decision," Brainiac 5 pressed.
"This will go much easier if you talk to me about things you understand as opposed to things you do not," Mon sneered and walked off. "Get me some fucking sand!" he shouted at some random Kryptonians.
The next morning, Mon and Brainiac 5 observed helicopters approaching the ruined power plant. As per usual, Mon and Brainiac 5 had a difference of opinion. "Remind them about the perimeter," Brainiac 5 said.
"Fuck the perimeter," Mon disagreed.
"They're too close," Brainiac 5 said of the helicopters carrying sand.
"How can they pour sand on it if they don't get close enough?" Mon questioned.
"The wind will have to carry it," Brainiac 5 replied. "They cannot go over the core."
"That sounds like bullshit. If you don't directly get sand on the core, you'll need more flights which means more risk," Mon argued. A helicopter got too close to the plume of smoke over the core and crashed nearby. "Well...shit," Mon winced.
"What do I tell the others?" the Kryptonian radio tech officer asked Mon.
"Send in the rest," Mon ordered.
Mon and Brainiac 5 met up at a government building in the nearest New Krypton city. "Twenty drops, no drama," Mon said pleased with himself.
"We must evacuate the city," Brainiac 5 said.
"I have a better idea. We take those who are sick, and we expose them to yellow sunlight. That will fix everything," Mon said.
"It will make everyone on this planet with the same powers as Kal-El or Zod. It will rip this society apart," Brainiac 5 objected.
"I'm not seeing a downside to this," Mon smiled. He then got a call from Kara. After not saying a word, he hung up on her. "The Dominators, the Khunds, have detected the radiation signature. Their probes have seen the damaged power plant. The whole galaxy knows. This is embarrassing...for Kara."
"You have an opportunity to show Insane leadership amid Kryptonian incompetence," Brainiac 5 encouraged.
That evening while Mon was having a drink, Brainiac 5 put forth a plan of action. "We need scouts carrying dosimeters in all of these sectors," he said of a hologram map.
Mara then entered the room. "I know the reactor core is exposed, Black Kryptonite is on fire, the fuel is melting, and you're dropping sand on it."
"Tell me something I don't know," Mon said impatiently.
"Pouring sand on the fuel will put the fire out but the temperature will rise...," Mara said.
"I am aware the fuel will melt through the concrete pad within a month," Brainiac 5 said condescendingly.
"You don't have a month; you have two days. Yes, it will take a month to get through the concrete pad, but it will take two days to get through this shielding and when it does it will reach these reservoir tanks," Mara pointed out on a hologram diagram of the plant.
"The tanks are nearly empty," Brainiac 5 replied.
"Every pipe has been ruptured, and the firefighters have been pouring water into the core this entire time. The tanks are full," Mara insisted.
"It's possible," Brainiac 5 allowed.
"Well...shit," Mon sighed. "Everyone, back to the ship."
On the USS Kara, there was another briefing on the situation. "I have ten minutes and then I'm back on the phone not apologizing to our friends, not apologizing to our enemies. And you want to know why? Because I did nothing wrong. This isn't my fucking mistake. My power doesn't come from perception. My power is real," Kara fumed.
"And as for New Krypton, do you realize the damage this has done, the stakes that are involved?" Kara asked. There was an awkward silence from the table. "That wasn't rhetorical. What the fuck is going on? Mon?"
"I punt to Barney on this," Mon said instantly.
"The dropping of sand is working. There is a reduction of radioactive emissions, but the fire will not be extinguished for another two weeks," Brainiac 5 said.
"Oh, well, alright," Kara said pleased.
"However, nuclear fuel does not cool simply because it is no longer on fire. The sand blanketing the fuel will actually increase the temperature creating a Kryptonite lava that will melt down through the concrete shield below," Brainiac 5 said.
"Kryptonite...lava?" Kara asked incredulously.
"I anticipated this. It's possible to reinforce the concrete shield before the lava melts through it. However, there is another problem. The water tanks underneath the reactor are not empty. They are, in fact, full. We know this thanks to Mara's brilliant analysis," Brainiac 5 said.
"Mara, why is having the tanks full a problem?" Kara asked confused.
"When the lava enters these tanks, it will instantly vaporize the water causing a significant thermonuclear explosion," Mara said.
"What kind of explosion are we talking?" Kara asked concernedly.
"Around 40 megatons. Everything within a thirty-kilometer radius will be destroyed including the other three reactors. The radioactive cores of the other reactors will be ejected at force and disbursed by a massive shockwave which will extend 200 kilometers and affect the entire population of the planet. The release of radiation will be severe," Mara said.
"Holy shit," Kara whispered dismayed but quickly recovered. "What impacts?"
"Green Kryptonite will cause cancers, birth defects, and deaths, many. Red Kryptonite will create hyper-aggression among the population leading to violence and risky behaviors. Silver Kryptonite will create paranoia, schizophrenia, and widespread mental illness, White Kryptonite will kill the entire agricultural sector, forest, and algae in the oceans critical for the planet's oxygen supply, and Pink Kryptonite will lead to extremely low fertility due to biological sterilization and an epidemic of homosexuality," Brainiac 5 said.
"The planet will be uninhabitable for one hundred years," Brainiac 5 added.
"There are fifty million Kryptonians on this planet," Kara counted. "How long do we have?"
"Forty-eight to seventy-two hours," Brainiac 5 said.
"Shit, fuck, God damn," Kara said as she raked her scalp with her hands in stress and dismay.
"There may be a solution though within the duct system that can manually empty the tanks of water. We'll just need three volunteers," Brainiac 5 said.
"Well, good, problem solved," Kara said pleased.
"Of course, I need your permission," Brainiac 5 added.
"For what?" Kara asked cluelessly.
"The volunteers will likely be dead in a week," Mara said obviously.
"Yes, I am asking your permission to kill three men. To be honest, it will likely be more than three," Brainiac 5 said.
"Wow, I'm feeling a roller coaster of emotion here," Kara said shell-shocked. "Alex?"
"Yeah," Alex nodded sympathetically.
Kara then stood up. "All victories come at a cost. These are my people. I will not let them perish again."
New Krypton
Mon and Brainiac 5 gave the nuclear plant workers a class on what needed to be done to save the planet. "If you volunteer, you'll likely die, horribly. You may get cancer and die. You might become a rabid animal that needs to be put down. You might become a schizoid in a padded room for the rest of your life. Or, worse yet, a nuclear-flaming homosexual," Mon began.
"Now, if none of you volunteer, I'll do it, myself. As a first-class Insane, I'm immune to this level of radiation. However, I'll probably fuck it up and accidentally cause a thermonuclear explosion that wipes out your planet's civilization. Will it kill me? Fuck no. Will I feel guilty? Fuck no. The only regret I have as an Insane is that I didn't wipe you fools out before you destroyed yourselves a thousand years ago. But I've made peace with that. This has always set our people apart, the blood in our veins. I spit on the Kryptonian race. I curse you. Go into that water, do what must be done, and prove to me, the galaxy, you're not suicidal bitches," Mon said to them all.
There was an awkward silence. "Also, you'll get this 400-credit gift card for Hot Topic," Mon added.
"Ana-Ko," one stood up. "Bez-Pal," a second one stood up. "Bar-Non," the third one stood up.
"Good," Mon said pleased. "Your names will be remembered for all time."
Episode 3
Three Kryptonians exited a bar and then went down into the basement level of the power plant. Their dosimeter went off like crazy in the damp basement. All three of them were in radiation-armored suits. "Radiation level is lethal as fuck," Kon remarked.
"Annoying as fuck. Turn that shit off," Saora said of the dosimeter.
"Yes, I must concur," Mara agreed.
The three went through narrow corridors with water up to their waists. There were pipes all around them. The three went downstairs. "Slippery when wet, am I right?" Kon joked.
"Shut the fuck up, Kon," Saora scolded.
The three then found the pump that would drain the water out of the tanks. The three were now up to their chests in radioactive water to get to the pumps.
Meanwhile, Mon and Brainiac 5 contemplated the mission. "Is it possible the water has already killed them?" Mon asked.
"Yes," Brainiac 5 replied.
"What if it doesn't work?" Mon asked.
"We send more men," Brainiac 5 said obviously.
"Okay, but if that doesn't work?" Mon pressed.
"We send in the drones," Brainiac 5 said finally.
"Don't start with that," Mon scolded.
The three exited the basement, were celebrated by the other Kryptonian workers, and casually walked off. "Well, I'll be damned," Mon said impressed not realizing who the three were.
Saora and Kon checked into a hotel not realizing they were contaminated. The hotel clerk was a bit skeptical of the two of them. "You can't be here," she said.
"We're Kryptonian citizens," Saora told her. "This is Prince Kon-El."
"I'm aware of who you are," the clerk said unimpressed.
"We have permission to be here from the Supreme Leader. Look, do you want a bribe? I can bribe you," Saora said as she took out some gold coins.
"Three days and you can't touch each other in any way. Do you understand?" the clerk relented. "Room 15."
"Thank you," Saora said gratefully.
"Don't get pregnant in my room," the clerk warned.
"Well, okay then," Saora agreed.
As soon as they entered the room, Saora and Kon began to make out and do exactly as they were told not to do. They didn't even care if the room was bugged. In fact, they wanted those spying on them to see. "Let's get your dick out of hiding," Saora said aggressively as she took his clothes off.
To her surprise, Kon wasn't rising to the occasion. "That's queer," Kon remarked. "Maybe I'm just tired."
General Prik walked up to Mon and Brainiac 5 as they were arguing outside. "How did this happen? Who gave them the idea?" Brainiac 5 complained.
"You, suggesting I did?" Mon asked shocked and appalled.
"Someone...decided the evacuation zone should be 30 kilometers when we know, here, radioactive Kryptonite exists 200 kilometers away," Brainiac 5 stared Mon down.
"It was decided...by someone," Mon said vaguely.
"On what?" It is an uninformed, arbitrary decision that will cost many lives made by some bureaucrat," Brainiac 5 complained.
"Preaching to the choir," Mon agreed.
"The fire has been put out and we have a reduction in radioactive Kryptonite, but the temperature is rising, and the meltdown has begun," Prik reported.
"Well...shit," Mon sighed.
In their hotel room, Kon was starting to freak out. "What the fuck is wrong with you?" Saora asked as Kon cried out incoherently. He clutched at his chest and then ripped open his shirt revealing feminine A-cup breasts.
"Holy shit," Saora said mesmerized. She then realized that Kon having breasts was kind of cool and secretly desired that they grow bigger. Her eyes gave off a pink glow as her sexuality began to become bi-curious.
Mon gave Kara a call on the developments. "The fire is nearly out, the water tanks are drained, and I have successfully eliminated the risk of a thermal explosion."
"But?" Kara sensed.
"The situation with the core is deteriorating. Look, the core is fucked. It can't be saved. Forget about it!" Mon shouted obnoxiously.
"And?" Kara asked patiently.
"Barney thinks the lava will melt through the concrete shield and enter the groundwater. It will then end up in the Nipple River. It's the primary water supply for the entire colony, all fifty million people. Crops and livestock would be fucked. In order to stop the meltdown, we're going to need some miners and we're going to have to give them yellow sunlight powers to freeze the fuck out of this," Mon said.
"Whatever, just do it," Kara allowed and hung up.
Mon turned to Brainiac 5. "Let's take a walk."
Mon and Brainiac 5 had an honest chat outside. "What will happen to our divers? What precisely?" Mon asked curiously.
"At the level they were exposed to, it depends on the type of radiation. Green Kryptonite disrupts the energy flow within the Kryptonian body greatly reducing their power and affecting their nervous system. They often lose control of their muscles, then their breathing, and then their heart stops. At the same time, their skin blisters, turns red, and then turns black. Their bone marrow dies, their red blood cells die, and then their organs and soft tissue die, and then arteries and veins spill open. The pain becomes unimaginable. Anywhere between three minutes to three weeks, they're dead," Brainiac 5 said.
"Yeah, I got that one. What about the Pink Kryptonite?" Mon asked seriously.
Brainiac 5 gave him a look. "Similarly, the Kryptonian loses all sexual interest. There's a latency period where the Kryptonian appears healthy, happy, and holy, having achieved the joy of celibacy. This usually only lasts a day or two. Then, homosexual feelings begin to manifest, religion and moral safeguards fail, and organs and soft tissues become excited when in the presence of the same sex. The Kryptonian becomes open to new sexual experiences and desires to the point where they can't stop themselves. Their hunger for the same sex never dies, only grows. Within three days to three weeks, if they're exposed to high enough doses, they'll begin to show mental and physical transitions to that of the opposite sex and attempt to reproduce vigorously."
"That's what will happen to those boys," Brainiac 5 concluded.
"And what about us?" Mon asked.
"We'll be fine. I am a cybernetic organism immune to cancer and you're an Insane. Your body is constantly exposed to radiation from the inside and outside. If anything, you give other people cancer," Brainiac 5 said.
"It would seem we got off easy," Mon joked.
"We're being watched," Brainiac 5 sensed as he looked around and noticed two Kryptonians watching them from afar.
"Yeah, I assumed our workroom, our hotel room, and our bathroom have been bugged. For this reason, I engaged in unspeakable depravity in all three," Mon said paranoid.
"Yes, I'm aware. I got rid of the bugs the first day," Brainiac 5 replied.
"Well, if we're seeing them out in the open, it means they're desperate now," Mon assumed.
Brainiac 5 went to see Mara at her workstation. She was working alone on her computer. "The fuel is melting faster than expected," Mara said.
"I know. I have a plan," Brainiac 5 said vaguely.
"Frost breath from an army of Kryptonians?" Mara guessed.
"Yes," Brainiac 5 nodded. "There's something I've wanted to ask you. Why did you go down to the pumps?"
Mara froze at that. "Those three men would have died. I have made them heroes."
"And yet, the missing pieces to this puzzle cannot be discovered here. I need you to find those in the control room in the hospital. Interrogate them while they're still alive," Brainiac 5 ordered. "And, Mara, be more careful in the future."
Brainiac 5 and Mon went out to meet some disgruntled miners. The miners were covered in dirt and also naked. "Who is in charge here?" Brainiac 5 asked.
"I'm the crew chief," Glu-Ho said to Brainiac 5.
"I'm Lord Dox, Minister of Industries for the Galactic Federation," Brainiac 5 introduced himself.
"We know who you are, Brainiac," Glu said unimpressed.
"How many men do you have?" Brainiac 5 asked.
"Forty-five on this shift, one hundred altogether," Glu replied.
"I need all hundred men to gather their equipment and get on the trucks," Brainiac 5 ordered.
"Why?" Glu asked.
"Classified," Brainiac 5 evaded.
"Or, maybe we fight you instead. You can't kill all of us before we kill you," Glu said fiercely.
"Oh, I assure you we can," Mon smirked.
"This is our mine. We don't leave unless we know why," Glu stared him down.
"The nuclear power plant has had an accident. I need all of you to mine underneath the reactor core and freeze it," Brainiac 5 said. "You will be given samples of yellow sunlight to help protect from the radiation and to give yourselves the necessary powers you need to do the job."
"Yellow sunlight? That's heresy," Glu resisted.
"It is," Brainiac 5 agreed.
The two sides stared each other down. Glu then walked up to Brainiac 5. "This doesn't make us square, Brainiac," he said resentfully and then led the rest of the miners into several trucks to take them to the plant.
The rest of the miners patted Brainiac 5 and shoved him a bit as they went past him. "Definitely looks like a Brainiac," they mocked as they went past him.
In the hotel room, Kon was getting worse and worse. His features were becoming more feminine, his hair was longer and less spiky, his face had morphed, his body took on a feminine shape, his breasts had increased to B-cup size, and he was losing muscle mass. Additionally, his mind was starting to change as well. When Saora went to kiss him regardless, Kon resisted.
"They said no touching," Kon muttered.
"Fuck those guys," Saora rolled her eyes. "Bunch of squares who only reproduce through pods and treat sex like yoga. That's why I married you. I want the passion, I want to be a heretic."
"Your mother wouldn't have approved," Kon reminded her.
"The fuck is wrong with you, Kon? You've never resisted my touch before," Saora said concernedly.
"Look at me. I'm no longer a man," Kon said depressed.
"And I don't give a fuck," Saora said honestly.
"Wait...are you infected, too?" Kon asked confused.
"No shit," Saora said adoringly.
"Are we becoming...lesbians?" Kon wondered.
"Maybe," Saora smiled.
"Open the curtains. I want everyone to see," Kon requested. "Tell me, are there people outside? Are they watching?"
"A few people are," Saora said honestly as she looked outside.
"Good. I told you our sex life would be weird," Kon smiled.
"I know, thank you," Saora said appreciatively.
The miners got cleaned up and then went to work underneath the power plant naked. "Have you ever spent time with miners?" Mon asked conversationally in his office. "I mean...what the fuck?"
"These men work in the dark. They have no need for modesty," Brainiac 5 said.
Glu then entered their office. "These masks work?"
"When have they ever?" Mon mocked.
"To an extent," Brainiac 5 said with false sincerity.
"What's the job?" Glu asked.
"Start your dig here, dig 150 meters here, excavate a space 30 meters by 30 meters, no heavy machinery, all done by hand," Brainiac 5 said showing him a hologram diagram.
"How far deep?" Glu asked.
"Twelve meters, for your protection," Brainiac 5 replied.
"Well, we're not twelve meters underground right now, are we?" Glu questioned.
"No, but you'll need that twelve meters the closer you are to the core. If you were standing next to the core in this room, you'd be dead already," Brainiac 5 said obviously.
"We'll start now," Glu said eagerly. "The sooner we get done the sooner we can get the fuck out of here."
It didn't take long for the hotel clerk to catch on to Kon and Saora's lesbian lovemaking. The clerk called Saora up to the front office. "I told you to leave after three days," the clerk said. "It isn't safe for you, two, to be here."
"He's my husband," Saora insisted.
"Not anymore. He's something else. He's a shemale now," the clerk said rudely.
"He's just going through a phase," Saora downplayed.
"Go back to your ship," the clerk ordered.
"Please, it won't take much longer. He'll have a vagina soon and I...want to go down on it when it happens," Saora revealed.
"Fine, but then you leave," the clerk allowed.
Soara went back inside the room to find Kon nearly complete. "I had a dream...I had a dream I was pregnant," Kon said with his new feminine voice. Soara gave him a sympathetic look as she started to undress.
"After I give you a thorough inspection, I'll help you find a man to get you knocked up with," Saora said.
"Nice," Kon smiled.
"And then we can finally have a baby together," Saora smiled.
With doses of yellow sunlight lamps, the miners grew stronger and were able to punch and claw their way to make a tunnel underneath the power plant. The miners worked non-stop to get done as quickly as possible. Due to the heat of the mine, all the miners worked naked. Mon and Brainiac 5 didn't take notice of it in their office.
"The miners are making remarkable progress. We'll be done with this tunnel in four days at this rate," Mon said pleased.
A random Kryptonian soldier interrupted them. "My Lord...it's the miners," he said horrified.
Mon and Brainiac 5 went outside only to find all the miners in one large naked gay pile, pulsating, shifting, and flowing together in a pyramid. "My eyes don't deserve this," Mon said seriously, disturbed by the sight.
"They must be exposed to the Pink Kryptonite," Brainiac 5 figured.
"They fucking better be, God damn," Mon said incredulously.
"Administer the X-Kryptonite," Brainiac 5 said to the Kryptonian soldier.
"Lord Dox, the X-Kyptonite is in rare supply and many are sick, dying," he protested.
"The miners take priority," Brainiac 5 said coldly. "Administer it."
Mara uncharacteristically hung out at the bar consuming drink after drink. She was frustrated and irritable concerning the progress of the accident. A growing part of her wanted to sack her father, then her mother, and take control of the planet. She didn't realize it at the time, but she was being slowly infected by the effects of Red Kryptonite. Bro was nearby standing around acting as merely her bodyguard.
"Another," Mara demanded.
"I think you're done," the bartender refused her.
"Do you know who the fuck I am? I'm Princess Mara-El," Mara said angrily.
"I know exactly who you are, half-breed," the bartender shot back.
Mara's eyes glowed red and the veins in her face also started glowing a bit red as well. Bro eyed Mara with slight concern as she appeared to be on the verge of killing this fool. Mara grabbed the bartender by the throat. "I am a fucking saint, and you are all damned, all of you!" she shouted. "Repent and pray right now or I'll fucking kill you all!" she said to everyone present.
Bro took hold of Mara's grip and forced her off the bartender. "I believe we should retire," he said gently.
Mara gave him a furious look but also one of arousal. "And what do you mean by that?" she snapped.
"To rest," Bro said simply.
Mara ignited to Super Insane and broke Bro's grip. Absolutely enraged, she punched Bro to the gut hard forcing him to stagger back. Mara's golden aura mixed with occasionally red discharges lit up the room and caused the foundation to shake. Mara quickly gave Bro an uppercut to the chin that sent him through the roof of the bar. In the air, Mara followed up with a knee to the spine, and an elbow to the back of the neck. At this point, Mara had a blood-rage look in her eyes. Bro attempted to bring up his guard only to get punched hard to the jaw. Mara swooped down, grabbed Bro's right leg, and threw him to the ground creating a dust cloud.
Bro got back to his feet and went into a defensive stance again. The gentlest Insane man of all time, Bro aimed to merely restrain Mara and keep herself from hurting herself. Mara rushed Bro with a body shot sending him across the terrain where he hit a rock hill hard and landed into a lake that may or may not have been totally contaminated. Mara dived into the water and kicked Bro back into the air. She met him in the air and elbowed Bro in the back. Bro hit the water hard. Mara dived back in. There were instantly several plumes of water depth charge-like explosions as Mara kept up the assault. Within the plume of water, Bro attempted to grab Mara to restrain her. Mara evaded the grab and punched Bro hard several times. Bro attempted to guard up as he was hit, his Insane armor receiving fist-sized craters from Mara's blows.
Finally, Bro fired at Mara a green energy sphere. Mara evaded the sphere, but it was merely a misdirection. Bro punched Mara hard in the face with the intent to knock her out. Mara fell into the lake stunned. Bro then powered up an energy sphere and fired it into the lake creating a massive explosion of water. Bro studied the water wondering if the fight was over, whether Mara was seriously hurt, wondering if she might even be dead.
As the water settled, Bro kept looking at the surface of the lake. Mara suddenly swept in from behind and gave Bro a body shot that sent him to the ground. Mara landed on the ground with a psychotic look on her face. Bro merely got up and his frame powered up a bit but no yelling or rage. At this point, he was still in control of himself. All he needed was a good knockout punch to end the fight. With Mara wide open, Bro punched her hard to the jaw causing her to bleed at the lip.
"That one was free. Now, I'm going to really fuck you up," Mara said insanely.
Bro took a few steps back as he assessed the situation. Mara powered up to Super Insane 2 causing the ground to sway away from her feet as if it were water. At this level, Mara's speed increased dramatically. She went behind Bro and nailed him to the back of the neck with a kick. As Bro went down, Mara appeared in front of him and kicked him in the chest sending him into the air. Mara then flew up and stomped Bro back to the ground with a thud. Mara did not relent, taking Bro's right arm and tossing him through a rock formation. Mara then took to the air and fired a string of beams down on Bro lighting up the area.
As the dust settled, Mara looked around with her X-ray vision and falcon eyes. She suddenly did a flip as she sensed Bro right on her. Bro grabbed Mara's legs just in time and hung her upside down to restrain her. He quickly put both her ankles into his large left hand and then punched at her back with his right to end the fight. Mara evaded the strike and trapped Bro's arm between her elbow and side.
"What's wrong? Don't you enjoy touching me this way?" Mara asked as Bro's right arm was right up against her breast and arm.
Bro attempted to dislodge himself when Mara gave him a hard elbow to the gut releasing herself. Mara held Bro up only to unleash a hard punch to the face that sent Bro flying back into the lake. Bro decided his next strategy would be to just chill in the lake and hope that Mara would get bored. Instead, Mara tore through the bed of the lake to get to him. Bro punched at her but missed completely. Mara punched him hard in the gut and then to the head. Mara aggressively went after Bro with another punch to the face and a ki beam that blasted Bro out of the water.
Bro got back to his feet and shook the water off his body like a dog because, in many ways, he was one. He was Mara's loyal protector, liked to play, and enjoyed going on walks with her. Mara beating the fuck out of her dog was out of character for her. Mara's aura was electrified as she powered up to maximum. Bro's lack of effort and performance was pissing her off.
Bro merely did some stretches and mock punches as he readied himself for another round. Mara simply stared at him in disbelief. After all the damage she had given him, there was no way he was just treating this like an ordinary sparring match. Mara rushed Bro with a flurry of kicks and punches. Bro blocked all of her moves to perfection and did not attack. Mara sailed over Bro's head and went for another flurry of punches and kicks. This time, Bro blocked all of her moves while floating just above the ground with her. Bro kept up his high guard and managed distance with her like a pro. Bro stood his ground as Mara leaped up and gave him another flurry of punches. Bro blocked all of her punches while remaining standing. Mara powered up and forced Bro into the air with another flurry of punches. Enraged, Mara went for a kick that Bro evaded. Mara kept up the aggression in the air forcing Bro back against a mountain mound. Mara went for a shot only for Bro to expertly use her momentum against her and trade places with her. Now, Mara was between Bro and the rock.
Bro then casually punched into the rock where Mara's head was just at. With his power, he annihilated the mountain mound creating a storm of dust. Just enough to scare Mara into ending the fight. Unimpressed, Mara aggressively chased after Bro with energy discs meant to slice him up. Bro evaded the discs and went up into the air. Discs from above came right back down again while discs from below also met him. Bro was hit with several discs in an explosion. As the smoke cleared, Bro appeared unharmed.
"You, playing me for a fool?" Mara demanded enraged.
Mara went for several attacks. This time, Bro merely dodged her punches and kicks without trying. Bro finally grabbed Mara's kick and threw it aside playfully. Furious, Mara unleashed an explosive energy attack around her. Bro continued to block Mara's punches and kicks and then started countering with his own half-committedly. It was starting to become obvious Bro was merely using Mara to get some reps in and not taking her too seriously.
Completely out of her mind with rage, Mara went for the kill with a head kick to the back of Bro's head. Bro merely gave her a blank look as if wondering if that was it. Mara stepped back stunned unable to comprehend the situation. She had put everything into that kick. She had gone for the kill, something she had never wanted to do before. And yet, Bro was unaffected. Mara's rage started to turn to fear. This Insane man in front of her was a monster, unstoppable, unbeatable.
Bro noticed Mara's change in demeanor and decided to end the fight immediately. He gave her a strong kick that sent her flying. Mara hit several rock formations in a row and landed in the water devastated. At this level, even at Mara's Super Insane 2, Bro was still super chill. It would take quite a bit more than this for Bro to even go Super Insane and wreck the planet, the solar system, the quadrant, the galaxy. What Mara couldn't comprehend was that Bro could match the power level of whomever he was fighting. There was a moment of lag where a superior fighter could get the better of him but not for long. And that time was over.
"You, good, princess?" Bro asked her as she crawled back onto the shore.
Mara's mind raced for an answer to how to deal with Bro. He was slowly adapting to her power level physically. She would need to strike him as hard as she could in a sudden attack before Bro could adapt to it. With red eyes and reddish veins all over her face and body, Mara rose back into the air and powered up to maximum. Bro merely waited with a calm expression.
Mara screamed with rage as she cupped her hands and pointed them at Bro. The ground shook like an earthquake and the water of the lake moved away from her as if there was an invisible forcefield around her. Mara's screams were scary and inhuman as she powered up her attack. Bro merely kept his arms folded even as energetic lightning struck all around him. Mara's muscles bulged unnaturally on her small feminine frame. As she was about to unleash, she began to laugh hysterically. Bro merely stared her down not budging. If he moved, Mara's attack could destroy the planet.
"Are you done? I feel bored. You're boring me," Bro said to her.
"In a moment, all you'll feel is OBLIVION!" Mara screamed. She finally fired the attack, everything she had in one beam. She figured Bro wouldn't be able to adapt quickly enough to overcome it. It didn't occur to her that Bro could literally take a few steps out of the way.
The beam went straight toward the planet's surface. Bro flexed his right arm and deflected the beam with perfect timing. The beam went in another direction and into deep space. Bro winced as his right arm was a bit bruised and burnt up and his Insane armor on his right side was blasted off revealing his muscular chest underneath. With the exposure to the blast, Bro's power level greatly increased. His muscles bulged and his body began to heal quickly. Still, this wasn't enough for Bro to lose his cool.
Mara, exhausted and dismayed, landed on the ground. "Good fight, let us retire," Bro said condescendingly to her.
"If you would only concede defeat to me, we could be mates. Yet, you refuse me," Mara said pissed off. Mara was referring to the Insane tradition whereby an Insane female would have to beat the shit out of an Insane male for the privilege of his provisions, protection, and seed. Generally speaking, if an Insane man loved her back, he would suffer the humiliation of willful defeat by her to marry. If he did not, well, he would either withstand her attacks or beat the shit out of her to send a clear message. In Bro's case, it was a little complicated.
"Not until you're an adult," Bro said calmly referring to Mara being around 10 years old.
"I am an adult!" Mara screamed and then blasted him with a flurry of energy attacks.
Bro merely walked through the light and dust and punched Mara in the face nearly knocking her out. As Mara sat dumbfounded on the ground, Bro casually kicked her up into the air. Mara tensed up in pain, stunned by the two blows. Bro flew up behind Mara and elbowed her in the back hard. Mara fell to the ground with a thud, her body implanting into the hard rock. Her golden hair went back to black as she lost consciousness.
Kryptonian military then arrived on the scene. "She suffers from Red Kryptonite exposure," Bro said to them.
"We'll take over from here," the Kryptonian military police said as they placed Green Kryptonite handcuffs on Mara and took her away to a prison cell.
"Are you okay, Sir?" a military police officer asked him.
"Fine," Bro replied but then buckled as Mara's damage suddenly got to him. With Mara unconscious, his power level began to drop immediately. The wounds he had received were now getting to him. Bro collapsed to the ground and started to pant from exhaustion. "Medic," the military police officer called over.
On the USS Kara, Mon and Brainiac 5 gave another briefing. "After thousands of sorties, Kryptonian helicopter crews have successfully extinguished the fire. The miners are working heroically to ensure the fuel does not reach the groundwater. There is no longer a threat of an additional explosion. The Kryptonian people have faced the challenge and risen to the task, and they are to be commended for it," Mon said.
Everyone present clapped at Mon's pandering speech. "Lastly, Barney and I have been vigilant in protecting the security interests of the state. And since the unfortunate incident of the gay pile, we believe that there have been no further lapses. Chancellor, Char-Ko, we hope we have lived up to the highest standards of New Krypton," Mon said to the New Krypton Chancellor, daring him to say otherwise.
"You have," Chancellor Char nodded.
"Prince Mon-El has given you the good news, now I will give you the bad news. The radioactive fallout covers approximately a region of 2600 square kilometers. The entire region must be evacuated. All animals still in the zone must be presumed contaminated and destroyed to prevent radiation and disease. Every rock, every tree, and the ground, itself, has a significant level of radiation exposure. The forests must be razed, and the top layer of soil must be ripped up within a radius of one hundred kilometers. We will need to construct a containment structure around the power plant, itself. There will be deaths," Brainiac 5 said.
"How long, how many men?" Char asked.
"Three seasons, and one million men," Mon said.
"How many deaths?" Kara asked concernedly.
"Hundreds, thousands, tens of thousands, hundreds of...," Brainiac 5 listed off and then got elbowed by Mon to stop.
"Begin at once," Kara ordered.
Outside the conference room, Brainiac 5 stopped Chancellor Char before he left for the docking bay. "Princess Mara-El was arrested last night. Can you tell me why?"
"Well, I didn't arrest her," Char evaded.
"You are having me followed," Brainiac 5 pointed out.
"It's perfectly understandable. I know the stories about your predecessor. When I heard them, I was shocked and appalled. Of course, we're following you. Why wouldn't we? You're a fucking Brainiac," Char said obviously.
"I am a circle of accountability. Nothing more," Brainiac 5 assured him. "You know the work I am doing for your world."
"Trust but verify," Char replied.
"I need her back," Brainiac 5 insisted.
"You'll be accountable for her?" Char asked skeptically.
"Yes," Brainiac 5 assured him.
"Then, it's done," Char agreed.
New Krypton
Brainiac 5 entered a Kryptonite jail cell where Mara was being held. She looked sickly and tired. "Are you alright?"
"They didn't hurt me. They were stupid. I was stupid. I don't know what came over me," Mara admitted.
"You got into a bar fight," Brainiac 5 said. "It's fortunate no one was killed. You were exposed to Red Kryptonite."
"You knew we took the places of those three men?" Mara assumed.
"It was risky. You could have died. You could have destroyed the planet. It was unwise," Brainiac 5 counseled.
"What choice did I have? Those three men would have died horribly," Mara said.
"Do you think the fuel will melt through the concrete pad?" Brainiac 5 asked, changing the subject.
"I'd give it forty percent," Mara shrugged.
"I put it at fifty. In the end, it's a maybe. Maybe the miners will save millions of lives. Maybe the miners will all die for nothing. I think that despite the stupidity, we are compelled to stop at nothing until the problem is solved. That is who we are. Heroes," Brainiac 5 told her.
"There's something else. The power plant workers told me they shut the reactor down. Once they did, the reactor exploded immediately," Mara said.
"Faulty memory, delusion?" Brainiac 5 theorized.
"Multiple witnesses in the control room. They were adamant. It makes no sense, but I believe them," Mara said.
"Then, you should pursue it. No matter how improbable, if all other possibilities are ruled out, it must be the truth," Brainiac 5 said encouragingly.
"I'll interrogate them again assuming they're still alive," Mara said.
Brainiac 5 then escorted Mara out of the jail.