Review Response
Demon King73: I'm looking forward to covering Frozen Fortress as well.
SynonymToast: Having Ozpin and Salem both being Administrator would be an interesting concept if this was a more serious fanfic. But I have a much sillier idea for the two.
Core: Watching Adam trying to deliver pizza would definitely be hilarious.
Ultima-owner: I've never thought of it like that. Good theory.
Dustiniz117: I'll be covering the comics. How else will I introduce Merasmus.
THEOWLPALADIN: I already have an idea for who Gray Mann is, and you're on the money with Merasmus.
StoutShako42Refined: I'll cross that bridge when I get there. I guess it's mostly Team Fortress unless otherwise.
Doc43Souls: I may need to downplay the NSFW on stblackst's early work, and I'm gonna have a blast covering Dr. Lalve and Piemation's work.
Lord Cain55: I won't be covering the Samurai Soldier SFM, since that's more Samurai Jack than Team Fortress. But I'll be covering FNAF vs TF2, Pyro's night at Freddy's is interesting since Penny is the main focus. And Turbulence will be a blast.
Inspiration: Tiny Desk Engineer, by Dr Lalve and Team Neighborhood Ep 1, by Great Dictator
Disclaimer: The following is a Non-Profit story for entertainment only. "RWBY" is the property of director and animator Monty Oum (RIP) and production company Rooster Teeth, and Team Fortress 2 is the property of Gabe Newell, and development company Valve.
Everyone in the audience wouldn't stop talking about what happened in the last film. Some praised Jaune and Velvet on how awesome they are fighting off the bread monster. While Inner Circle discusses how to recreate the teleporter to create an army of killer loafs.
"I take it that you enjoyed it." Dr. Stirling asked.
"Honestly. I'm beginning to warm up to these kids." said Roman, surprising the students. "I'm not saying that I'm turning a new leaf." He clarified. "Just saying that I'm taking a liking to them."
"Same goes for me." Cinder chimes in. "Usually when I see anyone as weak Jaune, I treat them like the waste of space they are. But after watching him go against all odds with the date and Bread Monster, I took quite a liking to him and his determination. He reminds me of my youth in a way."
"Glad to hear it." The Temp Host said with joy. "I have a similar film that I know you'll revolving around a barbeque."
"What's a barbeque?" Weiss said to herself, catching Yang's attention.
"What!" Yang exclaim over what Weiss said "You never had a barbeque before. With the grill, and the hot dogs and burgers."
"Hanging out with your friends while sharing a cold drink under the hot sun." Nora added.
"All while jamming out to some tunes on the radio." Ruby finished.
"Not really." The Heiress answered honestly. "All I ever had were high class meals my father provided, so I never experienced what you just described."
Yang stood up and called for Dr. Stirling's attention, "Yo Doc! Play the film already so Miss Ice Queen over here experience the joys of a barbeque!"
"Say no more." he said with zero hesitation as he installed the film.
Weiss stared in confusion at Yang, wondering why she so eager to show this "barbeque".
"Trust me, You'll love it." Yang states as the film plays.
The film begins with a sitcom style opening with each Scout running past their respected teammates in a white silhouette. Each member was doing something while the Scouts run past, like Yang eating her Sandvich, Roman reading the news, Weiss putting on her gloves, Cinder rummaging through a trash can, Ruby working on her Sentry, Adam passing out drunk, Ren doing his business, and Neo pouring fire dust on a open flame. The sequence ends with each team running out of their respective houses and towards each other, as the Title 'Team Neighborhood' emerges from the background and flies overhead.
"So we're watching a sitcom." Qrow guesses. "Normally, I'm not a big fan of those kinds of shows. But if my nieces are starring in it, I suppose it wouldn't hurt watching."
It then transitions to a grill surrounded by fire with intense orchestra music playing as the name of the episode drops down from above that reads, 'Team Neighborhood: Episode 1 The Grill'. A plume of flame swept across the screen, transitioning to Ruby, and Weiss' faces, smiling as the credits say, 'Starring Ruby the Engineer and Weiss the Medic'.
"Hey, look at that Weiss! We're the main focus in this episode." Ruby said happily as she grabbed her partner by the shoulder and pointed at the screen. "This is gonna be fun!"
"I'm not too sure about that." The Heiress said, in concern. "If the fire and intense music were to indicate."
The episode starts out with a wide shot of a house, as Neo jogs by using the sidewalk wearing a white tank top and pink shorts, while listening to music on her headphones.
"Sweet house." Neptune complemented. "I'm guessing that's where the mercs are staying?"
The Doctor nods. "When the teams are not in use. They're stationed in matching Abe houses, just across from each other in Vale suburbs."
It then cuts to the lab/basement where Ruby and Weiss are in their casual clothes, spending some down time. Ruby is taking a nap on her Rancho Relaxo. As Weiss is injecting something into her vein via syringe.
Winter gasped "Weiss! Are you doing drugs!" She exclaimed, never suspected her sister to be a drug addict.
"Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait!" Weiss flailed her arms as she defended herself. "Maybe I'm taking a prescription that requires an ingestion. Like insulin, or the latest vaccine since it may be flu season. I am a Doctor… well… used to be a Doctor after all."
Weiss the Medic, looks at the screen as if she heard her counterpart and states, "That was not medicine." Before passing out.
The room went silent as the Schnee's jaws dropped. The only one making noise is Qrow trying to contain his laughter as he let out a couple of snorts, drawing Winter's attention. Weiss just sat there, unable to defend herself feeling humiliated.
The camera zooms into her brain, showing the absolute chaos going on inside her head. Weiss is experiencing a recent memory of a match gone horribly wrong as everything is shown from her perspective.
"MEDIC!" Penny yelled, shaking her as rockets flew behind her.
Jump to Yang running to the front line, telling Weiss, "Follow me Doctor." as Jaune turns into giblets and Ruby runs screaming as her nest explodes.
Jump again to Ren holding her. "Stay with me Doc!" he said as Blake stood behind him.
Jumps once more to Nora in a wheelchair. "Medic!" She Screams, rolling away from a massive sticky bomb rolling towards her, then it explodes.
Jumps one final time to Yang running toward her. "Doctor! Kiss me!" Her head turns into a bird.
Weiss found herself floating in a swirling void as two orbs of light stared down at her.
"Build a Grill… Build a Grill… Build a Grill…" voices echo from the two orbs. Telling her to 'build a grill'.
"Ja." The Mad Doctor agrees in her native tongue. Not questioning anything as she is still in a complete daze.
The camera zooms to her eye as multiple images appear on screen. In order they are Archimedes, a half eaten apple, Jacque's skeleton, and seven Kleins wearing silly little dwarf outfits. It then zooms out her eye, where she is laying atop a roof surrounded by syringes going "Ooo." as she comes back to reality.
The audience stayed silent, trying to make heads or tails of what just happened.
"What was in that syringe?" Velvet asks.
"Did my head just turn into a bird?" Yang chimed in.
"Where can I get some?" Tyrian got some strange looks from everyone in the Inner Circle.
"And that! kids, is why you don't do drugs." Glynda said sternly.
"So this is how we're starting the episode." Said Weiss unamused. "Building a grill for a barbeque, all because some voices from a bad trip told me to do it."
"It can't be that bad." Ruby comforts her. "Who knows. It could be fun."
Weiss fell off the roof and onto the backyard. She picked herself up and entered through the backdoor to what she thought was her house. As she made her way to the living room. Weiss gave off a look of horror as she realized she was in Team Castle's home.
She had walked in on Roman's pole dancing entertainment, as the rest of Team Castle tossed cash onto Torchwick's mostly naked body.
The audience were equally horrified. Yang and Winter cover their sister's eyes, as Neo takes out her scroll and takes some pictures of Roman's abs.
'Oh no he's hot!' Lionheart screams internally.
"MY EYES!" Cinder and many other girls screamed as they're being blinded.
"I do not swing that way!" Exclaim Dr. Watt, defending his sexuality.
Roman just stared at himself Going, "Maybe I can pull it off." Drawing everyone's attention to himself.
The Spy stopped mid-dance as he and the other Team Castle members stared at Weiss when they realized she was intruding.
"Uh-oh! Wrong Team." The Medic said, raising her arms as she was being cornered by Cinder and Hazel.
Hazel places his hand on her Shoulder as it cuts to a wide shot of the two houses, as The Team Castle Heavy shouts, "Out of here!" As he throws Weiss across the street.
"Really!" Weiss shouted. "Is that how you treat a lady!"
"Sorry." Hazel apologies. "Team Castle members only."
Cutting back to Ruby who is still napping. Weiss can be heard screaming till she comes crashing through the ceiling. The Medic got up, approached Ruby and smacked her with a frying pan. Ruby's body went careening toward a nearby table full of tools that scattered all over the floor upon impact.
"Hey! Why do you do that?!" Ruby complains.
"Don't give me that. You blew out my eardrum with a whistle on our first day at Beacon." Weiss retorts. "So now we're even."
"And besides." Yang butts in. "You tend to sleep harder than an Ursa in hibernation. So waking you up through comedic means is only justified."
Ruby the Engineer pops back up in front of Weiss and slaps some angry eyes over her goggles.
'I'm gonna beat you like a rented mule boy.' Ruby said internally with a rage face. Not appreciating the fact that he teammate woke her up with a cooking utensil.
Yang and many others only find her angry face silly rather than intimidating.
Weiss ignores her partner's rage as she takes out some chalk and starts drawing on the blackboard. Ruby's face turns back to a neutral expression as she takes off her angry eyes and stares at Weiss curiously. The Medic finishes drawing and pulls out a pointer stick. The pointed at the drawing of Ruby and Weiss faces, Plus tools and science stuck, equals grill. As a strange way of saying, let's build a grill.
Ruby looks down at her stomach, which is shown via x-ray of a cartoon depiction of her stomach dancing around with a cowboy hat going "Yippee-ki-ya-hi-yaaaayhyaaaa-kiyo!"
Some of the students are snorting or giggling as Yang hugs her sister. "Looks like little sis is hungry." she jokes.
"Yang! You're choking me!" Ruby cried out in desperation
"Heck Yes!" Ruby agreed with Weiss' idea as the screen went to black.
"Time for a building a grill Montaaaage!" Nora sings in the same voice as in the last film.
"Are you gonna do that everytime there's a montage?" Cinder questions the hyperactive girl, with Mr. Bucket on her lap.
"YEP!" she immediately answers.
The montage begins at the front of the house as the camera pans through the front window into the living room, where Jaune and Nora are competing against each other on a kart racing video game as Sasha is 'sleeping' on the couch. As the camera-
"WAIT!" Salem exclaimed, stopping the whole film. "Hold on! Go back!"
Dr. Stirling did just that. Rewinding the film back to the liking room where Jaune and Nora are playing.
"Is something wrong Mistress?" Tyrian asks.
"Look at the window." The Grimm Queen pointed at the screen.
Surly enough, there is someone staring through the window. It was Salem, only she was wearing some sort of goat skull with a bulging eyeball on her head.
"Oh… Oh, no…" Salem said out loud, worryingly. "I'm in this crazy ass universe as well, aren't I."
"Pretty much." The Temp Host answered honestly. "You'll get your debut. Just not in this episode." [1]
Salem isn't looking forward to it. She secretly wished she wasn't in this universe when she saw how crazy everyone is. And if someone as serious as Ironwood ended up a half naked ape-man, she dreads to see her counterpart's personality.
The film continues through the hall, past Yang who is carrying a huge log over her shoulder, and into the dining room where Ren was setting up the table, only for it to be set ablaze.
"I'm not going to question how you manage to set the table on fire." Said Weiss, unfazed. "I've already accepted that this world and everyone in it is crazy. And if I've pointed out every insanity, we'll be here all day."
"Honestly. I don't know how I managed that either." Ren tilted his head. "I know that I'm not as good at decorating as Jaune. But not that bad."
As the Sniper stares at his burning fumble going, "Take a butcher at this." the camera pan through the pass-through window into the kitchen. Where Pyrrha has her face up close to a microwave cooking a can of beans, and Penny drinking questionable substances that would kill regular humans through a straw. It then leads to the basement where Ruby is hammering away at the foreign laughing as ominous music plays in the background.
The music was interrupted as the film went to black and voices of the entities arguing can be heard instead.
"Come on, But"
"No! I just already got this track"
"Use this track. Come on."
"Okay, fine."
Everyone was confused about what just happened, until Qrow recognized the voices.
"Is it just me, or was that You and Gold-Sith arguing?" he pointed out to the Doctor.
"Yeah, I forgot to edit that out." Emerald-Stirling answered honestly. "I was helping him edit this film way back, but we couldn't agree on what track to use."
The film comes back to Ruby drilling with a malicious smile on her face as a more energetic song takes its place. The camera got closer to her face in beat with the music as she laughed internally. It then cuts to Weiss on the computer, laughing as she researches many grill designs they can use. Ruby then tightens a screw with a wrench as Weiss reads some results on a clipboard an old machine printed out for her.
Now the Medic is examining something through a microscope as the Engineer welding something with a blowtorch. Cuts to Ruby microwaving some scrap metal, smiling as she stares up close, before cutting once again to her sawing some wood so fast that it sounds like she is using a chainsaw. Weiss, now in a hazmat suit, is carefully suspending some potent crystal dust with a claw, before dropping it into a boot. Ruby is now screaming as the scrap metal that she microwaved, before cutting to the two taking a break by reading some sci-fi robot porn with Ruby looking over Weiss' shoulder.
Ruby and Weiss' faces turn bright red, as Penny's cooling fans kick into high gear. The Android girl didn't think they were into robots like that, now she is wondering if her friends think of her the same way, maybe she'll ask later.
The rest of the audience stares in bewilderment wondering what on Remnant they're doing. Especially the part where Ruby is screaming at microwaved metal and Weiss putting irradiated Dust in footwear.
The Engineer is now cutting some metal with a laser, before bolting it down with a nail gun. It then cuts to Weiss just as Ruby was about to accidentally nail her own hand.
Red Riding Hood and several others recoiled, as they grabbed their hand.
The Medic carefully drips a drop of glowing liquid dust into a vat, as it cuts back to Ruby, hammering away on some metal. Weiss pulls an industrial lever, causing a machine's coils to spark as she connects some cable plugs together, then turns some valves, increasing the pressure. Electricity arcs off the top on the machine as she pulls a massive lever sticking out the floor, laughing maniacally. The maniacal duo watches their creation suspended above the roof, being struck by lightning as they laugh like a couple of mad scientists.
"Are you two building a grill or a doomsday device?!" Dr. Watts questions their sanity.
"Yes!" Ruby and Weiss answered in sync with zero hesitation.
As their creation comes back down, Ruby puts on a respirator and spray paints the finishing touches, which transitions to a blueprint of what their project would look like. They put down the blueprint to see their masterpiece, only to reveal a toaster that sprung up toast on the final note of the song.
Everyone burst out laughing at the end product, even the more stern folks from both sides of the glass, couldn't help but chuckle. The only ones who aren't laughing are the red and white girls themselves.
"It's not funny." Ruby said, feeling second-hand embarrassed.
"You have to admit, it's pretty funny." Yang is still snickering as she comforts her sister. "I mean, how did that happen? Were both of you so ambitious with your project that you lost tract if what you're actually building, and ended up with a toaster."
"What ever the case, what are we going to do with this?" Weiss gestures to the toaster on screen.
"We could still use it to make toast." Ruby suggests, finding the silver lining. "You know what they say. All toasters, toast-
The toast burst into flames.
"...Nevermind."
Sounds of laughter fills the rooms once again, lasting for a couple minutes before dying down as the film continues.
The Two watched their failure burning as Ruby went, "Darn."
Cuts to the front lawn where they throw out the toaster into the trash can, as they take it from the top, only twice as fast. Take two; they lower the blueprint to reveal an actual grill this time with fanfare playing in the background. Ruby gave Weiss a thumbs up as they smiled.
"That's one fine looking grill." Qrow commented, sipping some whisky.
"Now I'm hungry for some barbeque." Nora said, as her stomach growled.
"Yeah. I'm hungry for some too." Yang agreed as well.
Soon every student is hungry for some barbeque. Fortunately Emerald-Stirling came prepared. With a snap of his fingers, two sets of tables filled with hot dogs, burgers, fruits, drinks, condiments, and other various items you find in a barbeque appear for the two groups to use. Students and some of the Inner Circle members got up and grabbed a disposable plate to set themselves up. Some grabbed a hot dog or a burger, while others took the whole buffet. Once everyone is set up, the film continues.
The Team Fortress mercenaries are enjoying their barbeque in their backyard, as Penny flips a burger on the grill, wearing a cute little chef's hat and apron that reads "Kiss the Robot".
Some of the girls went "awe" as they cooed at how cute Penny looks working the grill.
"You look absolutely adorable Penny." Coco complemented her outfit.
"Aww. Thanks." Penny said as her cooling fans kicked into high gear.
Jaune wasn't paying attention to Penny as he was busy focusing on the grill, "Normally I'm not the picky sort." he said rubbing his chin. "But I prefer charcoal grills over Fire-Dust grills."
Weiss felt completely insulted by the fearless leader's opinion, and she turned her head away from him in disgust, making a loud "Humph".
Yang and Pyrrha are waiting in line with disposable plates in hand, as Jaune skateboards away with his plate of food.
"That will bloody do." Ren said to himself as he grabbed a couple of burgers and a hotdog.
Blake sat at a picnic table fanning herself with her fedora, as Jaune sat down behind her with his plate.
"Happy Australia Day to me." The Sniper chuckled as he carried two tall plates of burgers, hot dogs, and everything he could grab off the serving table next to the grill.
He carefully carries the plates to Nora who was waiting for him at one of the picnic tables. As he hands her one of the plates, he notices a drunken man wearing Nora's sombrero, surrounded by beer bottles, and passed out on some hay bales. It was Qrow, who had taken one too many drinks and is using the hay as a makeshift bed. He hadn't even touched his plate of two burgers and a hot dog as it sat on his lap. [2]
"Uncle Qrow?" Ruby said, surprised if not happy to see him.
"I'm just as surprised as you are." Qrow replies to his niece.
The Doctor chimes in to give them quick context. "Qrow is one of their neighbors who stops by every now and then. He heard that there was a barbeque so he invited himself to get some free drinks."
"Of course a drunk like him would do something like that." Winter comments on his character. "Bloody typical."
Ren looks over at Nora and asks. "How long had he been there?" The Demo just shrugs as she eats off her plate.
Ruby and Weiss are hanging out together. With The Engineers laying on her Rancho Relaxo with a bottle of milk in her hand, and the Medic standing with a beerstine in her hand. Weiss downs her entire mug in one sitting, (or standing in her case) getting an odd look from Ruby as she finishes. Ruby just takes a sip of her bottle as she enjoys her day.
"Weiss... You better not be drinking as much as mother." Winter warns her sister. Not wanting her to become like their drunken wench they called mother.
"Look. I may be taking drugs. But I'm stooping so low as to explore the bottom of a mug or bottle like my partner's uncle over there." Weiss defends herself as she gestures to Qrow."
"Low blow." The said drunk states.
As Yang leaves with her plate of food. It was Pyrrha's turn, only… The grill shut off on Penny as she was just about to serve the Soldier.
Pyro gasps as Pyrrha says "Oh No". Ren can be heard saying "Crikey!" off screen when he realizes what's going on.
Ruby sat up in surprise that the grill broke, as Weiss was more concerned that her mug is now empty.
"Really!" Weiss is upset with her counterpart. "Our grill just broke and your concern about your drink!"
"Don't worry." Ruby comforts her partner. "I can still fix this."
Ruby catapulted herself off her Rancho Relaxo, leaving her bottle of milk suspended in the air for a couple of seconds before gravity took effect. Penny was observing the grill till the Engineer knocked her out the way to inspect it.
"Sorry." The Red Reaper apologizes to her Android friend.
She took a good look for a couple of seconds before kicking it, thinking it would do the trick. Only, it made it worse as it made the grill angry. A light glows red as all the dials are set to max and begin transforming into a massive metal monstrosity that towers over the mercenaries, knocking over everything in the process.
Everyone was taken aback by the hulking automaton grill.
"Holy Shit!"
"Language!"
"What in the holy Oumy loo?!"
"Look at the size of that thing!"
"Don't worry! I can still fix this!"
"Ruby! Don't!"
Ruby kicks it again, thinking it would turn it back off. It did nothing but draw its attention to her as she gave off a nervous smile.
The scene jumps to the front of the house, where the Robo-Grill kicks the Engineer towards the camera. She screams as she is sent flying till she slams head first on the screen, cracking it upon impact. A different camera angle reveals the screen to be a window to Hazel's room. The Castle Team's Heavy who watched the whole thing unfold, just closes the curtains, not wanting to take part of this.
Everyone winced from Ruby's face to glass meetup.
"You know." Emerald pipes up. "If I have a lien every time I witness Ruby and Weiss turn an ordinary everyday object into a horrifying creature or hulking monstrosity. I have two lien, which isn't a lot but it's weird that it happened twice."
"I say that we ban them from doing stuff together if this keeps happening and happening." Mercury suggests.
Back to the backyard, the mercenaries were staring at where their Engineer was sent flying. Qrow looked up to see what was happening, but they immediately fell back asleep.
"Seriously! Your niece has been kicked across the street by her own creation. And you just sat there just sleeping away in your drunken stupor." Winter chastises Qrow for his inability to aid Ruby when she needed him the most.
Qrow didn't rebuke. He agrees that he should have help, but he couldn't help but feel that Winter is mostly indirectly angry at her own mother than at him.
The Mercs pulled out their weapons, aiming them at the robot with pure anger in their eyes for what it did to Ruby. The eight mercenaries and the Robo-Grill are at a standoff as some begin to sweat and others are tapping their fingers on the trigger. When the Grill adjusted its stance, Nora got a bit trigger happy and prematurely launched a pipe at the robot, only for it to ricochet off one of its limbs and blew up a car that was parked in the neighbor's driveway.
Some of the Inner Circle snickered at the Hyperactive Ginger fumble as she covers her mouth going "Oops."
The seven other mercenaries and the grill looked at Nora for what she had done. The Demo just smiled, letting out a chuckle before running down their driveway, leaving her grenade launcher behind as she headed for the hills.
"Wait! Wait! Wait! Where am I going?!" Nora asks confused as to why her counterpart is fleeing the battlefield.
"She's getting a new car to replace the one she wrecked." The Temp Host answered. "As to whose car it was, You'll find out soon."
The students don't know what he meant by that, but they are afraid nonetheless as the film plays.
With Nora now out of the fight. Pyrrha gave off the command, "Attaaaaaaaaack!" as the mercs open fire. Yang and Jaune screamed as they pelt the grill with their primaries, as Blake and Ren fire some precise shots with theirs. Pyrrha throws her shovel at its leg, only for it to bounce right off. The Soldier gave off a "Nooo." as she was disappointed that her attack didn't work.
"I hate to say this." Weiss said to Invincible Girl. "Your counterpart is not as competent of a fighter as you are."
The Robo-Grill tanked everything the mercs diced out, and retaliated by swinging it arm and knocking everyone over. Jaune scattergun flew to the screen, fading to black.
"Team Neighborhood will be right back after the word from our sponsor." said an AI automated voice over a freeze frame of Team Fortress getting their ass kicked.
"Wait. Are you doing sponsorships now?" Weiss asks.
"Well… Yes and No." The Doctor tries to explain. "I didn't want to do a sponsorship, but I couldn't find a vision of this film that didn't come with the ad. So I have to make due."
"Eh. It's no biggie." Yang said casually. "They rarely bother me anyway, and besides. We get to see what they sell in their universe."
The ad begins with a Puma Faunus just standing there, staring cross eyed into space.
"Hey! Isn't that the guy we mur-" Mercury was interrupted by Emerald who jerks her head towards Ozpin and Ironwood who were staring right at them. "Mmmmmeet at that nice book store before he mysteriously died later that day." Emerald just pinched her nose from her partner's obviously bad lie.
"Yeah! That's Tukson from Tukson's Book Trade." Said Ruby, recognizing the Faunus. "I've came by his book store a couple of times before finding out he've murdered." her face saddens when she remembers the time she heard about his death.
Blake and Adam recognized him as a former member of the White Fang. They don't know who killed him, and wish to seek justice for their fallen brethren.
Cinder stayed quiet. Trying not to sweat bullets as she was the one who ordered his assassination, believing that he'll spill secrets of the invasion.
A Spotlight illuminates upon Tukson as an AI voice calls out to him. "Hey, you!"
"ME!?" The Faunus points to himself, asking the voice if it's referring to him.
"Yes you!" The Voice confirms as Tukson snorts. "Are you tired of Grimm and thugs barging in uninvited and wrecking your shit."
The camera pans to his book store where some Beowolves and tugs are doing just that as the store explodes.
"Don't fear my baby biscuit," the Voice said as it pats his head, scratches his chin, and pokes his eye as he keeps a dumb look on his face. "Because I have a solution for you."
"Okay. Take your bets on what they're selling." Yang said making a game out of this. "It's something that helps the common folk deal with Grimm. So I'm guessing some sort of portable turret like Ruby's Sentry."
"I'm more thinking that it's a personalized Atlasian Knight." Weiss tosses in her two lien.
"I think it's a can of Grimm-B-Gone!" Nora claims with confidence. "One quick spray rid your house from pesky household Grimm." No one denieds her as it's a huge possibility considering how topsy-turvy this universe is.
"Tiny Desk Ruby!" The Voice presents a tiny chibi version of Ruby, dancing on the floor.
Tukson falls right next to her to get a better look as he said. "Perfect!"
"...What?" Ruby was a complete loss for words. And she's not the only one.
"That's right! The Tiny Desk Ruby!"
The Tiny Desk Ruby is not dancing on a table as Tukson crouches down to see Tiny Ruby within eye level. Roman joins in with a snort to observe the cute creature.
"The Tiny Desk Ruby is a revolution in engineering and the perfect companion for all situations"
The Puma Faunus holds her up to a Beowolf as she sits on his palm. The Grimm took a sniff at Tiny Ruby, only for her to kiss it on the snot. That cuteness was too much for the beast as it exploded into dust. Tukson then held her to the thugs offering them a kiss from her as well. After what they just saw, they all fled for the hills.
"Very Good!" He said to his Tiny Desk Ruby, as he pats her on the head.
The Audience just sat in silence, just watching everything unfold.
"The Tiny Desk Ruby can be everywhere!" The Voice continues as Tukson leans his hand against the wall, surrounded by Tiny Desk Rubies with one dancing on his head.
"In your bathroom, in your kitchen, or on your desk!"
In that order, it shows just that. With Tiny Ruby dancing by the sink as Tukson takes a crap, then dancing on his sandvich in the kitchen, then dancing on the desk in the living room.
"She is Extremely Cute and Very Adorable!" The Voice described, as said cute thing is now dancing on a water cooler. "As is worth the money no matter what you do!"
Tukson offers her a strawberry which she happily accepts, devouring the fruit like a mouse.
"Nom Nom Nom Om-Nom!"
The Cuteness was overwhelming as some are going into cardiac arrest.
"Get your own Tiny Desk Ruby for only 79.99!" It said as the price and Scroll number appear on screen as Tiny Ruby dances next to a desk lamp. "She's as cute as a real Ruby!"
Yang pulls out her scroll to place an order, only for Weiss to grab her arm saying, "NO!"
Tiny Ruby is now dancing on Tukson palm as the Voice continues.
"With the Tiny Desk Ruby Collector Edition, you'll earn a Tiny Desk Dispenser… For Free!" The camera pans showing the Tiny Dispense on Tukson's other hand as 'For Free' flashes on screen. There was a very quick warning and the ad ended.
Weiss took a minute to process what she just saw, "...Soooo… Ruby got her own merch line now. Yang, as cute and tempting as she looks, you should not and I do mean SHOULD NOT purchase her. You got that Yang… Yang?"
Somehow while the Heiress wasn't looking, Yang managed to grab her scroll with her off hand while Weiss was still grabbing her wrist.
"How soon will I reserve it?" Yang said, as she already ordered her Tiny Desk Ruby. "Right now? But I haven't told you where I am."
Out of nowhere, a box lands on Yang's lap. She opens the box to see a Tiny Desk Ruby looking up at her from inside.
"Hi! I'm Ruby! You want to be friends" The Tiny Desk Ruby introduces herself, warming Big Yang's heart.
Yang plucks Tiny Ruby out the box and gives her a big hug. The other female students couldn't help but gather around and Coo on how adorable she is. Ruby however was beginning to feel jealous of her tiny self.
"You purchased one as well!" Roman exclaimed, drawing everyone's attention.
Neo is holding up her own Tiny Desk Ruby like a puppy as her feet dangle in the air. The cuteness Tiny Ruby is radiating, deters the likes of Cinder, Tyrian, and the Grimm Queen herself.
"You get rid of that pest right now or I will kill her myself!" Salem orders Neo with anger in her voice.
Neo didn't appreciate it, so she retaliated by throwing her Tiny Desk Ruby right at the Grimm Queen face. With a loud slap, Tiny Ruby laches on saying, "Hug!" as Salem burst into flames.
"AHHHHHH!" Salem screams in pain as she tries to rip the Tiny Desk Ruby off her face. "GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! GETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFF! THE CUTENESS! IT BUUUUUURRRRRNS!" [3]
Tyrian attempts to free his mistress from the clutches of the red fiend, only for it to hop onto his face instead, and he bursts into flames as well. The Students and Staff of Beacon watch in horror as the Tiny Desk Ruby sets The Inner Circle ablaze one by one from pure cuteness alone.
They manage to contain the cute creature in a pet cage, complete with a hamster wheel, a hamster water feeder filled with milk, sawdust bedding, a small plate full of strawberries which she is munching on, and a Tiny Desk Dispenser since Neo ordered the collectors edition.
The members who ended up scorched and bandaged up are Salem, Tyrian, Cinder, Adam, Mercury, Emerald, and Roman. Cinder doesn't even know how she got burned, as her semblance and maiden power prevent her from being harmed by flames.
The only one unharmed (side Neo) is Hazel, as he captured the Tiny Desk Ruby by luring her with the bagels Salem didn't eat. Once she devours the bagel, Hazel trapped her with Mr. Bucket then dumped her in the cage.
As Neo sat with the cage in her lab. Roman asks Dr. Stirling with some strain in his voice. "Can… Can we move on now… Ow…" The Doctor happily obliged.
"We now return to Team Neighbor." The Voice said on a freeze frame of Salem wearing sunglasses, watching the chaos unfold while eating a hotdog.
The film continues where it left off with Neo in a gardener's outfit. Watering her flower garden while listening to 'Good Enough' By Cindy Lauper on her headphones, unaware of the chaos going on behind her. Ruby fell right next to her calling out "Medic!" as an explosion goes off in the Team Fortress backyard. Team Castle's Pyro finishes what she's doing and walks away, unaware of Ruby's presence, as a car alarm blare.
"So you're doing some gardening." Said Roman to his partner. "You always had a green thumb. It's just a shame that we couldn't find a place to settle, you could have made a beautiful garden."
Neo heavily blushes from his complement. As much as she likes money and ice-cream, she has a fondness for flowers and wants to grow some herself. But like Roman said, they have to be on the move in order to not get caught by the law.
Cutting back to the fight, where Jaune is just standing there surrounded by fire as Weiss falls flat at his feet.
"I toiled in Dust's domain!" The Mad Doctor exclaims to Jaune, as she then crawls on the ground making strange noises.
"At least show some dignity when admitting your mistake." Weiss patronizes her counterpart, while pinching the bridge of the nose in embarrassment.
The Scout continues standing there cross-eyed as bullets fly, fires burning, explosions going off, teammates rag dolling, and Pyrrha running in the background screaming as she's on fire. He then said, "This is fine." as he accepts the events going on around him.
"Yeah." Jaune agreed with his counterpart. "When stuff like this happens all the time, you get used to it." Remembering the time there was a food fight in the cafeteria, and everyone was using food as makeshift weapons. RWBY and NPR were having fun while he was tossed around like a ragdoll.
He was then grabbed by the Robo-Grill as Blake landed by a picnic table that was toppled over to its side. The Grill sprays fire from its wrist as it holds Jaune in it off hand. Blake uses the toppled over table as cover as she fires a couple of potshots at the robot. The Robo-Grill throws Jaune as a wall behind Blake as he groans in pain.
Jaune and his friend winced at that.
"Not so mighty now Tiny Giant!" Yang laughs, as she overwhelms the Robo-Grill with her Sasha causing it to step back. Unfortunately, her Minigun ran out of ammo. She shakes it a couple of times before casually discarding it with a toss.
"Aw. My beautiful head." Jaune groans, picking himself up till Sasha strikes him by the side as it crushes him with a "Nom".
Yang cringed a bit from that. "Sorry about that, Vomit Boy."
Jaune accepts the apology. "It's just one of those days."
"Come." The Heavy Weapons Gal pulls out her Fist of Steel as she claims, "We Fight like M-"
But the Grill punted her out of Remnant's orbit, as she screamed past the shattered moon, past the sun, and left the solar system.
Yang and many others were amazed by how powerful that kick was. "Wow! That kick really is out of this world!" She said, causing everyone to groan. "But seriously though. This Grill is giving us a hard time, and we faced a sentient loaf of bread."
Blake, still behind cover. Pulled out three sappers, planning to end this madness. She leaps from behind and throws them at the robot as epic hero music plays while the sappers soar through the air.
The students felt hyped from the music, believing that Blake could turn the tides of battle.
Only the sappers did nothing as they just bounced off the Grill's back, gaining its attention.
"Ruby."
"Yes Blake?"
"You installed anti-sapper tech in the robot. Didn't you?"
"Sorry... I didn't want Roman or Watts to ruin the barbeque."
Blake said, "Merde" as it threw a train engine at her. She screamed like a cat, as Weiss can be seen healing Pyrrha in the background.
Penny, with her trusty Backburner. Spews fire all over its leg, only it does nothing as it's made of metal. The robot punches her to a nearby wall as someone screams, "What happened to my freakin car!"
The fight stops as everyone turns to see Peter Port freaking out that his car has been totaled.
"Oooooh! It was his car that I totaled." Nora pieced the two and two together. "Sorry about the car, Mr. Port." She sheepishly apologies.
"It's quite alright." Prof. Port knows it was an accident.
The Neighbor looks over to see the remaining Team Fortress members looking back at him as a fire-dust canister goes off behind the Grill. Even the Robo-Grill stopped mid punch, holding Pyrrha in the air as they stared awkwardly at each other.
"Your grilling." Port said, reading the situation and keeping it at that as the fight continued.
The Grill throws Pyrrha through the second story window. The Soldier could be heard saying "Dammit" as she picks herself up and smash the other pane with her shovel.
"Was that really necessary." Glynda said, disapproving her actions.
"Sorry."
Weiss panics, looking around for something to turn the tables till she notices Nora's grenade launcher she left behind. She picks it up and laughs maliciously as she gets an idea.
"What is she planning to do with my baby?" Nora asks with concern.
"I don't know." Weiss answers honestly. "Knowing my counterpart, something not good.
Pyrrha exits the side door, making her way to the garage. Once there she presses a button and waits as the garage door slowly lifts. As she waits, Jaune is being pummeled to death by the robot's hands.
"Stop! Stop! He's already dead!" Mercury cries out. As an assassin who knows how to take someone out efficiently, this is overkill.
Back to Pyrrha, the door opens all the way as she rubs her hands together, seeing all the weapons and explosives they store.
"Oh. She is going to use an actual weapon this time." Cinder suspects.
The Soldier ran in, ran right past the weapons and explosives as she was interested with the wall full of identical shovels. She looked at hers before tossing it over her shoulder and grabbing the trowel furthest to the right.
Cinder frowned in annoyance for being wrong as some of Pyrrha's friends snickered.
Ren fired his rifle at the back of the Grill's "head" as it did nothing but draw its attention. As it looks at him, Rem blurts out "Piss!" as he takes cover, avoiding the robot's flames. Pyrrha sets up a ladder and climbs to the roof of the garage. Wiess opens up the launcher and loads some pill bottles in the chambers.
"Ooo! This will do nicely." she said as she started launching the bottles to "Heal" her teammates.
Blake looks over to Weiss and gets hit in the face with a bottle, "healing" her for twenty six HP. Weiss continues launching all willy-nilly as Mr. Port noticed a burger on the ground.
"Oh Yeah! Lunch!" he said happily, as he picked it up, unknowingly dodging one of Weiss' pill bottles.
Pyrrha was about to lay a surprise attack, until she was denied as Weiss hit her in the baby maker. A voiceover shouts "Denied!" as Pyrrha holds her ovaries and screams, "MY PAINIS!" while falling off the roof.
The women in the audience simultaneously held their uterus' as they felt Pyrrha's pain.
Weiss gasps in horror as she apologies. "Pyrrha! I am so… SO sorry!" she then orders her counterpart, "And Medic me! Stop what you're doing! You're making things worse than it already is!"
The Mad Doctor ignores her counterpart's plea as she fires another pill bottle in a weird yoga pose. Jaune was hit in the head as a voiceover shouts "Headshot!". The Scout lays on the ground groaning in pain as the robot grabs him by the legs as he screams, "No no no! Help!".
"No worries." Ren said, aiming his rifle to help his buddy out.
Through the crosshair's perspective, while the Sniper is aiming, the Robo-Grill kept punching Jaune as he insults the robot, "Ow! Didn't hurt! Ow! Dummy! Ow! Stupid! Ow! Moron! Ow!"
"Steady, Steady." Ren said as he took the shot. Only for it to ricochet off the robot, off the outdoor table, off Pyrrha helmet who just recovered from Weiss' "Help", and into Qrow's foot as pure alcohol starts spilling out of the hole. The drunk woke up a bit before passing out again.
Winter couldn't help but laugh. "Would you look at that, Qrow. You have more liquor than blood in your body." Qrow just ignores her.
"Sorry about your foot Mr. Branwen." Ren apologies in his usual polite manner.
"It's fine. I Still have plenty of booze in me."
"In all seriousness. Y'all do more harm to each other than at the Grill." Velvet pointed out.
Jaune was thrown at Ren knocking him to the ground as the Scout apologized. The Grill let off a loud train whistle as it begins charging up an attack as its midsection starts glowing red. It aims at the Soldier and Pyro who are looking up at it with concern. Pyrrha, not wanting to find out, shat out a bald eagle and ran away screaming, leaving Penny behind.
"Did… Did she just poop out a bird?" Lionheart asked, confused.
It spewed fire out its "mouth", roaring like a dragon, engulfing Penny in its hot fiery breath. Penny, being a robot, was left unharmed. Her outfit however, did not make it as it was reduced to ash.
Penny's friends gasped in horror that her outfit is now ruined.
"That bastard!" Exclaimed Coco, in anger. "How dare that thing ruin such a cute outfit!"
"This… Means… War." Penny states furiously.
Penny, now triggered, ran inside to get something as Pyrrha cower behind some hay bales.
The Soldier pulls out a walkie talkie, "You will help me defend my house." She said, calling for backup.
It was Cinder who received Pyrrha's call.
"No." Cinder stated, as the camera zoomed out, revealing that she was in the middle of filming a porno. She sat on a toilet naked with some lube and other NSFW stuff on the counter next to her, as a camcorder on a tripod recorded her. A black bar censored her nips to protect the audience.
Some of the men and lesbians couldn't help but whistled at what they're seeing, as Winter and Yang covered their sister's eyes. Cinder's jaw hit the floor as Neo and Emerald took pictures with their scrolls. Emerald plans to use the photos for later as she has a crush on her, while Neo is using the pictures for blackmail. Ren covered his eyes as Nora went, "Nice!".
Salem was completely disgusted as she said, "I can't believe you're filming yourself AGAIN!"
"Wait. Again?" Ozpin asked surprised.
"Yes, again!" his ex blurts out, "Every week... EVERY WEEK! Cinder would film herself doing…" she shivers a bit, "naughty stuff, then send a link for me to watch."
"I thought you enjoyed watching them." Cinder said, in surprise, that the Grimm Queen didn't like her videos.
"I don't even, how the kids these days say it… "Swing… that… way?""
"Let's just move on before it gets more awkward. There's kids here." Oobleck suggested not wanting to corrupt the students' innocence.
The Robo-Grill launches something from its back as Blake calls out "Incoming!". Pyrrha, letting her curiosity get the better of her. Sticks her head out from behind cover to see a bottle of Dust laced barbecue sauce heading straight for her.
"EXTREME CLOSE UP!" A voice said, as the camera zooms in super close to her face as she screams in a barbecue sauce-induced explosion.
Meanwhile at a car dealership. Nora is having a conversation with an old man behind the counter.
Roman recognized him, "Oh hey! It's that old man from that Dust store I tried to rob. Only for a certain girl to come in and play hero, foiling my plans." he said looking right at Ruby then at Neo's Tiny Desk Ruby. "Now I have a minicher one in my partner's possession."
"Blew up Mr. Port car again, did you?" The old man asked, causing Nora to chuckled awkwardly as Yang can be seen re-entering Remnant's atmosphere in the distance.
"Looks like I'm back from my space trip. Hopefully I will make it to the fight in time." Yang said as she hugs her Tiny Desk Ruby, worrying that her friends won't last much longer.
Back at the fight. Ren is reloading fresh cartridges into his rifle.
"I do believe I'm on fire." Blake said, walking up to him on fire.
"Yeah." The Sniper agrees, as the Spy walks away as Jaune lands in front of him. "How many times have you died?" He asked the Scout.
"I don't know? Four… Maybe five times." Jaune replies for his counterpart.
Jaune was dragged away before he could answer.
Ruby regains consciousness and makes her way to the backyard while swearing, "Dag nabbit, dang it, dam, dang nabbit, damnit!"
Penny kicks open the backdoor fully equipped in her mercenary outfit, complete with a fire helmet and fire axe. She let out a warcry as she charged towards the robot.
Ruby made it to the driveway only to be knocked back by Penny's ragdolling body. The Grill's torso turns one eighty as a rocket launcher emerges from its exhaust port. It launches a rocket with a sound of a fart as Ruby swears internally.
"Did… Did that rocket come out of its ass?" Dr. Watts asks, perplexed.
The explosion sends The engineer flying again, landing against Hazel's window once more.
Hazel leans up to Ruby and says, "The burning you feel? It is shame."
The Engineer simply respond, "Fuck you." and gets punched in the face.
"Language!" Shouted Hazel, not appreciating her swearing.
The punch sends her flying once more as she lands on top of the robot and starts bull riding that machine.
Adam felt slightly offended as Ironwood went. "Alright. Now it is starting to get downright ridiculous."
"If you think that's crazy, you should have seen our initiation day." Nora retorts.
As Ruby is having fun riding the Grill. Pyrrha, covered in barbeque sauce, is letting out a warcry only to get stomped by the robot's foot. But instead of turning into a pancake, the Soldier ended up in Mistral as her feet popped out the ground, interrupting Saphron and Terra's date.
"Hey! It's the Fearless Leader's sister!" Nora pointed out, remembering her form the Dancing Dirty movie Gold-Sith played. "But who's that with her?"
"That's Terra." Jaune answered. "Saphron told me all about her and that they're happily married. They even have a son named Adrian."
"And it looks like I ruined the moment." Pyrrha said, feeling bad for interrupting something special.
Back in Vale. Ruby is going "Giddy up!" as she continues riding the Robo-Grill like a mechanical bull. Ren and Blake watched as they clapped for her. The fun was short lived however as the Grill grabbed her as she let out a squeak.
"Help the freaking hardhat!" Jaune said as the robot uses Ruby as a bat and smacks the Scout into the ground.
Weiss was there to revive him as he said, "thanks Doc." only to get smacked again.
"Doc! Come on man!" Jaune pleaded before getting smacked again. Weiss just watches as she constantly revives him as he goes, "I'm dying here!" one more slam and Jaune is just annoyed, crossing his arms he tells the Medic, "Real nice effort, Deutsch-bag!" as Weiss keeps healing him.
A taxi stops in front of the driveway as Pyrrha exits the vehicle wearing badass samurai armor she got from Mistral.
"Wow! You look so cool!" Said Ruby and Nora in sync, all starry-eyed by Pyrrha's outfit.
Pyrrha couldn't help but blush.
"¡He regresado!" Pyrrha declares in Mistral, but the subtitles read in the Vacuo language, "El tráfico de taxis no era barato, amigo!" She shakes her fist then draws her katana, "¡Me debe mucho dinero, señor Basura!" As she charges towards the robot. A rocket struck her right at her chest, leaving her covered in soot. She then collapses, letting out a "dammit" as she takes a little dirt nap.
Cinder and some Inner circle members couldn't help but snicker at Pyrrha's failed attempt for revenge.
"Uhhh. What did she say?" Jaune asks, unfamiliar with the language.
Penny chimes in using her inbuilt translator to decipher it. "She said. "I have returned! Taxi traffic wasn't cheap, man! You owe me a lot of money, Sir. Trash!"
The Grill tosses Ruby at a knocked over table as she screams out in pain. The scream echoes to the toaster that is still sitting inside the trash can, its coils glows as it sprung to life. It hops out of its prison and makes its way to the backyard.
The audience were amazed by this revelation.
"Weiss! Look! Our toaster is alive!" Ruby pointed at the screen.
Weiss, equally as surprised as her partner, nods in agreement as she knows what's about to happen.
The remaining mercenaries cower behind the table Ruby landed on, as they met their match. The robot struts up and aims a massive missile label "Gravity Dust Habanero" at them, ready to obliterate them in one foul swoop. Before it could finish the job, it heard something and turned around to see a toaster standing behind him.
"Is he here to save the day?" Sun asks, unsure if the little kitchen appliance can take on the Grill.
Cinder laughed her ass off from that statement. "You're kidding right. That little thing taking on that metal behemoth. What is gonna do, fling burnt toast at it."
"Assume Robot Form!" said the toaster, as it transforms into a hulking giant that towers over the Robo-Grill with epic triumphant music playing. The Mercs' jaws drop as they can't believe their eyes, Qrow wakes up a bit before falling back asleep.
Cinder was at a loss for words as the rest of the audience were as surprised as Team Fortress.
"You forgot that Ruby and Weiss built that, didn't you?" Dr. Watts asks, knowing that Cinder has a bad habit of underestimating everybody.
The Grill gets into a stance, blowing out a train whistle as the Toaster retaliates by sounding out a deep horn that reverberates across the whole neighborhood.
The entire theater vibrates as everyone holds on as a couple of glasses fall off the tables. Once it was over, the Faunus rubbed out their ears as Emerald-Stirling cleaned up the mess.
"This is going to be awesome!" Nora said with excitement for an epic robot fight.
"Aw hell." Ruby peeps as the fight begins.
The two robots lock arms with each other as they push each other back and forth. The push of war went on for a solid minute with both sides not letting up as the music hyped up the battle.
"Go! Super Mega Toaster! Go! Break the Grill legs!" Nora cheers for the now named Super Mega Toaster, as the rest of Beacon and the Inner Circle join in. Ozpin and Salem just watch in confusion as they don't even know what is going on anymore.
Robo-Grill pushed Super Mega Toaster back, but it didn't deter its mission, "Return To Point Of Origin!" the Toaster said as it got on all four, charging an attack. "Initiating Toast! Launch Toast! Launch Toast! Launch Toast! Launch Toast!"
The Grill deploys a shield to defend itself as the toaster's slots begin to glow, while every small item starts floating. Ruby ducks herself behind the table going "Nope!" as everyone else watches.
The audience braced themselves for a big beam or explosion as the room vibrated once more. Even Yang and Neo's Tiny Desk Ruby are floating in the air.
"Launch Toast!" Two slices of toast pop out of the Toaster's head and into the Grill's shield, doing nothing.
The whole room went quiet as some of the students and Inner Circle members were slightly let down.
Neptune spoke up, "Well that was a dis-"
A loud explosion goes off, engulfing the Robo-Grill as a shockwave echoes through the suburb. Once the smoke clears, nuts and bolts pop out the Grill as it collapses into pieces. And just like that, the battle was over.
"Mission Complete!" A voice line said, as everyone cheered in victory that the robot was slain. Weiss noticed that Penny was crushed underneath the defeated machine and tossed her a pill bottle, reviving her.
The audience joins in the celebration as well after recovering from the explosive whiplash.
"I never thought we would be saved by a toaster." Jaune commented on the situation.
"I didn't either." Ren chimed in. "But that is the world our counterparts live in."
Super Mega Toaster salutes to the mercs and makes its leave as everyone waves it goodbye.
"Dust speed, you magnificent bastard." said Pyrrha.
"They grow up so fast." Ruby wiped away her tears, happy that her mechanical child is a big boy now.
"For now on, I won't take my creations at face value." Weiss said, feeling guilty for throwing out the toaster.
Super Mega Toaster accidentally stepped on a car, setting off the alarm as it stroud into the sunset. The Mercenaries danced in joy amongst themselves, till Jaune noticed that someone else was here.
"Aw crap." he said as Glynda Goodwitch herself had paid them a visit. Wearing a full purple blazer and skirt, with red earrings. Velvet is with her holding a clipboard label 'damages' on the back.
Ruby looks up at The Temp Host. "Umm… By any chance, she's…"
"The Administrator. Yes." The Doctor finished Ruby's sentence. "Not only is she in charge of the war going down smoothly, she has the unfortunate luck of babysitting you lot."
"Of course I'm the Administrator." Said Glynda, Pinching the bridge of her nose."Even in this universe I have to deal with your mess." she said to her student. Ever since they joined Beacon Academy, Ozpin has her cleaning up everything they destroyed, from the harbor, to the cafeteria, and even the town square. And if all that happened in their first year, she dreads to think what catastrophe they'll rot in their fourth year, or worse… official hunters.
"Well, you must be very proud of yourselves." Glynda said, with a disapproving look. "You shouldn't be"
Ruby didn't care as she continued dancing while the rest just stood in awkward silents as fire burned around them.
"That's pretty much our dynamic in a nutshell." Commented Weiss, as she recognized the pattern.
"There you are!" Exclaimed a voice, drawing everyone's attention. It's Winter Schnee, dressed like a mid housewife, apron and all, and she is pissed.
"Winter?" Weiss said, surprised to see her sister.
"Wait." The Heiress' sister then realized something. " don't tell me that."
"I Turned my back no more than five minutes, and you're already blasted drunk!" She yelled at Qrow, waking him from his nap.
"H-hey, honey…" The drunk smiled nervously. He then offers her his plate that he never touched. " Care for some hot dogs?"
"So we're a married couple in this universe as well." Said Qrow, figuring it out. "At least you're alive and well in this one." referencing the Max Payne movie, Gold-Sith viewed.
Winter just smacks it out of his hand and grabs him by the leg. "I know how you're going to make it up to me." She said, giving off a mischievous smile. [3]
Qrow, not liking where this is going, claws his finger to the ground screaming as his wife drags him home.
"And it seems that I have more control in my relationship than my mother." Winter quipped.
On the way out, She noticed her sister with the other mercs. "Hey, Weiss." she waved.
"Hey, Winter." The Medic waved back. "Is that sack of flesh still kicking?" referring to their father.
"Mother told me that he still screams at night, thinking that you came to finish the job."
"That's good to hear. Tell Whitley that I said hi when you meet him again."
"Will do."
"Good to know that I still keep in contact with my sister." Weiss said, happily.
As Winter drags Qrow out the driveway, Yang pulls in with a tank. "It was long trip back." She laughs, till she notices that she missed the party.
"Aww." Said Yang, in disappointment "I wanted to give the Grill my tanks."
The audience groans in annoyance by Yang's terrible pun as she smiles proudly.
"Aww. But Yang was just getting started." A laugh track plays from her punchline.
Cutting over to Emerald, who is sunbathing in a green bikini on the Team Castle's roof, just watched the whole thing and said "Wankers." as she continues catching rays. In the distance, Super Mega Toaster is reenacting a giant gorilla as it climbs a skyscraper.
As Emerald lay back down, she felt a sharp pain from her back. She reached behind her and pulled out one of Weiss' syringes filled with "Not Medicine". The Sniper lets out a "uh oh." as her eyes began to dilate.
"Welp. I hope you packed your bags cause you're going on a long trip." Mercury cheekily commented, as Emerald gave him a smack in the back of the head.
"Well that was a fun watch." Yang commented. She then looks over to Weiss. "And I take it you enjoyed your hot dog."
Weiss did indeed finish her hot dog once the film ended, she even still had some mustard on her cheek. "It was quite delicious." she complemented, "Maybe we can set up our own barbeque after the festival has ended."
"That sounds great." Ruby agrees. "Though I think we should borrow my dad's grill rather than making our own. Last thing we need is to reenact our counterparts"
Some of the students laugh till Emerald-Stirling butt into the conversation.
"The film is not over yet." he said. Some of the audience looked at him with confusion, and sure enough the film still continues.
As Yang and Jaune argue with each other, and Nora handing Mr. Port keys to his new car. A gray drone hovers above, spying on them with a camera. It shows the camera perspective as it transitions to a monitor surrounded by several monitors in a darkened room. The other monitors show footage of armies of robots being built and transported, as a hand clicks a remote, turning off the screen.
"Things just got real." Sun said, surprised that there now a third party.
Once the film was over, Ozpin makes a call on his scroll.
"Who are you making a call at this hour." Glynda asks, unsure of what the Headmaster is doing.
Soon, someone picked up Ozpin's call. "Yes, hello. I would like to purchase five hundred Tiny Desk Rubies and have them sent to my Ex's castle."
"WHAT!" Salem exclaimed, overhearing the conversation.
Meanwhile in the Grimmlands at Salem's castle, a huge crate fell from the sky and landed in front of the castle doors. Some nearby Grimm got close and sniff the crate, until it opened and hundreds of Tiny Desk Rubies come flooding out of the crate, storming the castle. The Grimm ran in terror as Salem's home now has a Tiny Rubies infestation.
Ozpin is laughing his ass off as both Glynda and Salem gave him a death glare for different reasons.
"You know you just spent Forty thousand Lien of the academy's budget on that prank." Glynda said disapprovingly.
"Totally worth it!" Ozpin continues laughing, never had this much fun in a long time.
Author's Closing Notes: I hoped you enjoyed Reading this story. It was a bit of a task for me as up until this point, I was using the Official TF2 scripts as a guideline when covering the previous chapters. I'm not saying that I've copied and paste the script into my work. I was using it as training wheels when dealing with writers block. I think I'll cover some shorter videos next time.
I also hoped that you also loved the Tiny Desk Ruby bit. It the main reason why I have Ruby as the Engineer. Now she's a marketable plushy that will take over Remnant, spreading cuteness throughout the land.
Till then, see you next Chapter when I cover End of the Line.
Author's Footnotes
[1] I didn't know that Merasmus was at the window till rewatching it. Guess Salem is revealed early.
[2] I didn't want Nora to be past out all the time, so I have Qrow take her place.
[3] Warning; Keep Tiny Desk Ruby away from Grimm and other evil people. Direct contact will cause spontaneous combustion.
[4] Winter and Qrow are a couple in this universe. Sue me.
Cast
Salem as Merasmus
Glynda as Administrator