55: The Troubles of a Shielder

The dream starts the same as always.

My first sensation is being watched. There's something staring at me, standing in the center of the gate. Its form is shapeless, a mere black shadow, but I can make out long silver tendrils drifting from its head, lighting the murky darkness of this strange place I find myself in. And, glowing deep within its inky form, piercing purple eyes stare into my soul.

I've been here before. I remember that now. But each time, she has appeared in my way. I have to get past her, some part of me urges. There's something beyond that black gate she stands in front of, something that I must see. I have to see it - it's my right, and my duty, as a Servant. I'm certain of that. I tighten my grip on [Lord Chaldeas] - no, I suppose it's [Lord Camelot] now.

"...▂▂▃▃▃▃▂▂."

Her speech is completely unintelligible, but I know that she hates me. I can understand that much.

"▬██▁▆█▆▀▬██▆!"

How dare you. How dare you appear in this place. Disappear, disappear, disappear. -I can tell, her words are something like that. "Something" reaches towards me, and-

"Hm? Is that Mash? What a coincidence, running into you here!" A voice, off to the side, calls me further into lucidity, and I easily sidestep the slow moving black hands emerging from the mysterious shadow. They clap together, crushing empty space, and then recede back into the shadowy woman.

"Well, I was a bit worried about it, but it seems like the illusion stuck! Her true body must be pretty far away." Francois Prelati chuckles. "She thinks she got you, so you can go ahead and lower that shield, Mash."

"Hm, is that so?" Slowly, I relax, watching as the shadow woman retreats back through the shining archway she had emerged from in the first place. Speaking of which… "Prelati, where exactly are we, anyway?"

I glance around - aside from the shining portal she emerged from, the rest of this space is just a featureless void.

"Hm… well, it's the Dream Cycle, I guess? Servants are supposed to see dreams of their masters' past, you see - well, maybe it's less that 'they're supposed to', and more that 'it's unavoidable', but it comes down to the same thing in the end!" The boy shrugs. "Of course, it works the other way around - I hope you're okay with our master seeing your deepest and most intimate memories! I know I am~!"

...So on top of everything else, he's an exhibitionist too? Gareth was right, we should just kill him.

"Woah, watch where you swing that thing!" He laughs. "I would have thought you'd be reduced to a blushing mess from that, but you're actually pretty - oh! Hahaha! So that's how that's going to play out, huh?"

"What are you talking about?" I ask, pausing my assault.

"Pfffthaha! I thought you would know first, but oh well~! I'm sure you'll get the punchline eventually." His ever-present grin shifts into an unsettling sadistic smile. "Regardless, we're on a bit of a clock here - only so long before we wake up. Hey, you want to see it too, right? Just what kind of secret trauma that boy is hiding."

...And I won't be able to get past that mysterious woman without his help. "Fine. But only for Senpai's sake."

"Go ahead and lie to yourself all you like~!" He gives a last sing-song retort, and then we step through the gate.

I see a boy surrounded by love.

From the moment he was born, his parents loved him, adored him, doted on him.

My upbringing was utterly devoid of such affection - would be a lie. Doctor Roman was there. But he was never once "Dad", only ever "Doctor". And I imagined such was normal. The books I read, growing up - never got too much into family dynamics. And so, I thought: surely everyone has this level of somewhat-distant love. That is all family was, and I was happy with it.

My mother loved me, but only so far as I was her precious tie to my father. And father - I understand. I understand why he couldn't bear to look at me. And I thought such was normal. All of humanity is a morass of false love and short-sightedness. I never once questioned it. That was all family was, and though I loathed it, I accepted it.

Ah.

Ah.

I really wish I hadn't learned this.

I'm so ashamed it took me this long to learn this.

This... is what family actually is, isn't it?

….I'm so terribly jealous.

I wake up with the gentle tingle of sunlight upon my cheeks, cast through the tent window.

To be honest, it's a huge relief that they finally sent these tents through rayshift.

...N-not that the experience of waking up without shelter was that bad, or that I'm complaining in any way! It was just a little annoying… just the tiniest bit really - that the morning dew would always mess up my hair.

I had never been particularly proud of my hair before, but… there's a sort of bare minimum of teasing that I can really take from the likes of Mordred.

…"The likes of Mordred?" That was a bit of a mean thought, wasn't it?

Putting it out of my mind, I emerge from the tent, into the full sunshine, taking in the fresh scent of the wet grass, and the faint scent of-

Something freezes in my gut. A deep-rooted sense of terror swims to the surface of my soul.

"Oh! Gala- er, Mash! You're finally awake! Good morning!" Standing at the fire, stirring a cooking pot, is Gareth.

Gareth is cooking, huh… This is bad. I'm sure this is bad - peeling vegetables is one thing, but in the end she's still Gawain's sister!

"-I can't allow this! Senpai, who has the highest standards for cooked vegetables - I won't let him taste your cooking, Gareth!" I roar, charging her as my shield materializes.

"J-just what are you implying about my cooking! I'll have you know that it was because of my skill as a kitchen servant that King Arthur recognized me!" She shouts, lance materializing.

"There's no way that's true!" I shout. Mordred told me after all! "There's no way that's true, because King Arthur never cared about food in the first place!"

"He did too! I'll show you - [Ira-!"

"Oi, oi, oi, what the hell are you two doing so early in the morning!?" Senpai shouts, emerging from his tent, and I feel shame course through my whole being. Gareth and I both freeze, looking away from each other. With a sigh, he walks over, pauses for a moment, and glances at the newest addition of our team. "Gareth."

"Y-yes?" She glances away, kicking the dust a bit.

"-I get you being upset about that, but if you keep using your Noble Phantasm against allies…"

"R-right. Sorry, I got a bit too excited." She cringes. "B-but-!"

"Look, I'll try what you made, but if it tastes bad, I'm gonna spit it out." Senpai says dully.

"Yes! Just give me five more minutes, master! I'm sure you'll love it!" The girl practically skips back to the cooking pot.

"...I guess the Doctor was right, huh?" Senpai mutters. Not for the first time, I wonder if he's aware of how much he thinks out loud - but I'm barely ever able to hear it, so I guess it doesn't matter. "Anyway, Mash."

"Y-yes!?" I squeak, glancing away from him.

"...Are you okay? This kind of thing's a bit out of character for you, isn't it?" he asks, face shifting into obvious concern.

"Ah, no… I think it was just Galahad's influence. Remember, I got upset when Mordred was talking about Camelot's food at Chaldea too?" I reassure him.

It's nothing. It has to be, because he's already worrying too much about me as it is. He's already been injured three times for my sake - I'm terrified that if I give him anything more to worry about, he might do something truly reckless.

"...Ah, so that's how it is." He pauses, and goes pale. "Crap, this is gonna be like Emilia's cooking all over again, isn't it?"

I laugh nervously as the Lancer comes bounding over to us, offering a pot full of clumpy white something.

"...So these are the famous Camelot mashed potatoes, huh?" Senpai mutters, extracting a spoonful. "Right, here goes… ah, not bad actually. Pretty decent, for mashed potatoes."

"Haha! Victory! Didn't I tell you, Galahad! I told you I'm the best cook in Camelot!" Gareth gloats at me. "I'm gonna go scoop some into bowls now, be right back!"

...

"...By the way, Senpai, in this singularity - the Columbian exchange still hasn't happened yet, right?" I ask.

"I was trying not to think about that…" he groans.