60: Some referential humor is inevitable.

-Clack.

The clatter of the carriage door closing rouses me to semi-consciousness, and I spend a few minutes trying to slip back into sleep before finally giving up.

Slowly, my awareness spreads to the buzzing numbness in my back, to the sound of wooden wheels rattling against the road below us. As usual, cold sweat has filled the inside of my bedroll, but the lack of bumps and scrapes from thrashing around means that Flat-senpai's nightmare suppression bracelet is still working.

Heaving a breath, I sit up.

"Oh, finally awake, Subaru?" Says Prelati as he materializes, cross-legged on the floor of the carriage.

"-Don't watch me while I'm sleeping, you creep. You're on thin ice as it is." I grumble, glancing around the room. "Where's Mash?"

"She's up top talking to Sir Gareth - Round Table gossip I guess." He says. "Hey, Subaru, do you want to listen in? I can help you listen in if you want! Well? Well!?"

…

"-No, it's a private conversation, so I'll stay out of it." I decide after a moment's contemplation. "If it's important, one of them will tell me about it."

"Ehhh, really? Even though you went through the Clock Tower, you still believe in things like Private Conversations? Where's your sense of intrigue, Master?" He laughs.

"...Oi, who told you I went to the Clock Tower?" I ask.

"Mash mentioned it to Jeanne." He says with a chuckle. A bit behind him, golden particles start to settle into a humanoid shape. "It's amazing, the things you can hear just by staying unsee- ow, ow, ow, stop, stop squeezing my head Jeanne! Forgive me! I'm not sorry one bit, but please forgive me anyway!"

Eventually, she lets go of him and he drops to the ground rubbing his temples.

"Ah, you were watching this whole time, Jeanne?" I ask. "-Say, what were you going to do if I ended up spying on them like Prelati offered?"

"I had faith that you wouldn't." She answers with a calm smile.

"Okay, but what if I-"

"I had faith that you wouldn't." She answers with a vaguely menacing smile.

"R-right…"

"Oh, speaking of spying on private conversations, Jeanne, I also saw-" The Alchemist starts to speak up - and in one fluid motion, Jeanne seizes his head in one hand and lifts him off the ground.

"Subaru, I'm going to go grind this guy's face against the ground while the carriage is in motion, so please give me a moment." The Saint(?) says.

"R-rail tracer!?" I mutter.

"I won't tell! I won't tell, okay!?" Prelati screams, flailing in her grip. "I promise I won't tell anyone about-!"

"[Director Beeeeaaaam]!" Olga Marie's voice echoes down from above us.

Jeanne freezes, and I can see a deep existential crisis filling her eyes. "J-just how many people were…?"

"Oh, everyone except Subaru, Marie, and Gareth I think." Says Prelati. "The whole Chaldea Staff, Mozart, even that fluffy creature pretending to be asleep over there- they all saw."

"Oh, I told Maria as soon as it happened." Mozart's disembodied voice says, and that's the final straw. With a crimson face and a prolonged, high-pitched squeak, Jeanne d'Arc vanishes in a puff of golden mist.

…I won't ask.

Even though I really, really want to know, I won't ask-!

The benefits of having actual transportation really can't be understated - on foot, the trek from Lyon to Paris could take weeks, depending on the state of the roads and our ability to find food. With [Guillotine Breaker] at our disposal, the travel time is reduced to a mere two days, and so by sunset we'll have arrived at our destination.

"-As if it would be so easy." I mutter, gazing down the road before us, a familiar spiked shape taking form as we crest a hill.

Crackling with lightning and fire, the six-legged shape of the Tarasque storms towards us on a direct collision course, with Saint Martha perched upon its back.

-That's fine. No, that's ideal. So long as the weaker Servants just come at us one at a time, we can overwhelm them with numbers and keep moving.

"Everyone, battle positions!" I shout.

Jeanne materializes atop the carriage, where Mash has been sitting - it's their job to keep an eye out for other enemies coming after us, especially the Black Knight, Fafnir, or the still unaccounted for Berserk Archer.

Marie is, of course, in the driver's seat - that's as far as she can get from Guillotine Breaker, so she's stuck up there for as long as we're in motion. Gareth, on the other hand, is mounted on the crystal horse itself, her terrific Riding Skill making it child's play for her to maneuver and protect our "engine".

Mozart, Prelati, and myself are, of course, inside the carriage where it's safe for us squishy mages. We can cast all of our spells through the windows, and that's a lot safer than being out where a stray [Hell's Snipe] or whatever Berserk Archer has could take our heads off from two miles away..

"Crush the sinners before you - [Tarasque]!" A hammer-like blow of Saint Martha's staff sends the Dragon Turtle spinning towards us.

It was uncharitable to call her 'weak'. Without a doubt, this tornado of uprooted earth, fire, and lightning is terrifying. I kind of forgot just how scary it was - but then, the reason I forgot, is because I have a counter to it.

"We're breaking through - Prelati, give this spell a boost! [Murak]!" I shout, pulling mana from my Mystic Code and sending a pulse of purple-black energy sailing towards the Tarasque.

"On it!" He shouts, and the spell grows in size as he layers a bit of his own magic into my spell.

The anti-gravity spell impacts the Dragon's shell, and a faint alteration of its flight pattern makes it clear that we overcame the creature's innate Magic Resistance. "-Now, Gareth!"

"Roger- take this!" The Knight shouts as she balances flawlessly on [Guillotine Breaker]'s nose and thrusts her lance to meet the oncoming Noble Phantasm. "Haaaaaa-!"

"[Ira…" Bright blue light meets a typhoon of fire and gives way almost instantly - but then comes the next blow, and the next, and the next, and slowly the Tarasque's trajectory changes, before finally being sent careening away from us. "...Lupus]!"

"Right, now she should be simple enough to-!" I start to say - and then Saint Martha leaps into the air and intercepts her out-of-control Noble Phantasm.

"Sei!" With a shout and a harsh punch, Saint Martha redirects the Tarasque again, driving it against Gareth's lance. "There's no escape! [Iron Fist Holy Judgement!]"

"-As if I'd give up! [Ira Lupus]!" Gareth shouts, driving blast after blast from her gunlance against the Dragon's underbelly. "Ora, ora, ora!"

"Useless, useless, useless!" the Saint(?) shouts, raining blows down on top of the Tarasque.

"...Am I having a fever dream?" I wonder aloud as blood starts to spray out from between the Tarasque's iron scales.

It's nonsense. This is absolute nonsense - but it favors us. Just a bit more. Just a bit more, and Berserk Rider will be done for. Jeanne takes a step forward, preparing to attack Martha, who is all but helpless, all her efforts focused on the Tarasque.

-A shadow appears overhead.

In an instant, my confusion snaps back into terrified lucidity, even as the shadow vanishes again - because the fire pouring from Fafnir's jaws has lit things back up again quite nicely.

It can't be a coincidence. The very instant Jeanne stopped watching the sky, he appears. He had to have been watching us - but where from, and how?

"[Lord Camelot]!"

Fortunately, Mash was ready this time. A White Fortress expands over all of our party, hedging out Martha and the Tarasque, who are left to bear the brunt of Fafnir's breath weapon.

"-[O' Dragon's Shield that Shall Not Let a Blade Pass]!" The Tarasque vanishes, and an instant later its shell alone appears, encircling Martha and protecting her from both the fire and the hooves of [Guillotine Breaker] as we trample over her and leave her in the dust behind us.

Fafnir vanishes from sight again as the flames dissipate, flickering back into existence just long enough to snatch Saint Martha up in his left claw, and then vanishing again.

"...He even evacuates his allies now?" I mutter annoyedly. "Can we go back and finish him the first time we fought? I don't like cautious Fafnir."

A/N:

Gareth: "Standing here, I realiiiize-!

Martha: "Actually this is a Jojo reference!"

Fafnir "Yeah but the road roller loses, lemme help you out."

Anyway Rider Martha really shouldn't be able to road roller the Tarasque, but... well, she's berserk, and his weight was lowered, so it's probably fine.