Disclaimer: Don't own PJO or the Whiskered Warrior.
Lunar Phases
Waning Gibbous
Turkey.
The name of a European country. A term used to describe the phenomena of making three strikes in a row while bowling. And, as it's most commonly known, a bird to be hunted and eaten on the North American holiday. It was also infamously known from the myth associated with one Benjamin Franklin and his (non-existent) desire to name it the new nation's national bird. It is said that this myth was spread from high on Olympus, after Zeus felt slighted when Franklin insulted the freshly drafted eagle insignia of the presidency.
November 27th, 2008
"We should've called ahead," Naruto said. Thalia slamming the door on them was much tamer than the reaction he'd had braced himself for. Leto merely hummed before she rang the bell again.
"And spoil the surprise? I think not."
"Gran-Gran, Thalia and surprises don't mesh well. Not unless she's in on it." One unfortunate summer evening on the road after the girl missed three night's worth of sleep sprang to the forefront of his mind. He shivered. That poor cat chose the wrong alleyway to jump out of that night. Luke had managed to keep Annabeth distracted during the aftermath while he consoled the mortified demigoddess of Zeus. Naruto shook his head, banishing the memory back to the depths of his mind. "Need I remind you, she's a demigod. Their adrenaline is basically always going."
"She certainly must lower her guard som-Hello again, dear!" Leto smiled as the door opened again.
"Sorry! I, um, please come in?" Thalia gave the goddess a free pass with a sheepish smile. When Naruto tried to follow, she stopped him with a hand on his chest. "I need to borrow Whiskers for a second."
"Wh-?" He hadn't even been in New York long enough to do anything! Although, if dinner took too long to cook, he could go for a jog. Break in his new shoes, maybe a few noses. Typical stress relief.
"Let me take his bags first, he's carrying perishables." Leto snapped her fingers, and the food along with his overnight rucksack was moved from his hands and shoulder to somewhere in Thalia's apartment. She smiled at them, almost as if she knew something he didn't. Not surprising, given that she was a goddess, but still. "Don't take too long, I'm going to need help in the kitchen."
"Oh, we won't. Just one sec." Thalia assured with a pleasant smile before she closed the door. The glare that was leveled on him once she turned around promised nothing good.
Negative Emotions, dead ahead. The Fox mumbled. Yikes, that's a lot of them. I didn't think humans could hold that much negative feeling in them. I'd always thought it would make them explode or something.
That is so freaking useful right now, thanks Fox. Naruto lamented his companion's dark sense of humor.
"Whiskers…" Thalia growled. She looked ready to hit him. Or shock him. Either way, he wasn't looking forward to her next action. Hence why he tensed when her finger jabbed into his sternum with each of her next words. "What. The. Hell?!"
"Don't get mad at me! This was all her idea!" Naruto hissed, gesturing past the irate daughter of Zeus at the door. "She had me packed and in my car before I even knew what was happening!"
"And you didn't think to, I don't know, call?!" Thalia growled.
"As far as I know, your phone is still dead." Naruto narrowed his eyes when her scowl deepened. That was a silent affirmative if he ever saw one. "Besides, Grandmother wanted to surprise you. I was hoping you'd be at Percy's or Annie's or even at Camp so that we could go back to Colorado and away from Olympus."
"One, Percy is a Kelp Head; if we're together for too long he gets on my nerves and vice versa. Two, Annie's at Camp. And three, I'm not going back to Camp Half-Blood until the 23rd of December at the earliest." Thalia huffed with the last declaration, even going so far as to cross her arms.
"What? Why not?" Naruto blinked, confused by the declaration. He hated being out of the loop. He had to get some kind of eyes back on the Olympians' demigods. His uncle always used to keep him informed when he was in Pennsylvania, so what was keeping him from—Oh, right.
Yeah, running away twice and blocking him out of a state might have put you in the doghouse. The Fox deadpanned. His words, while true, were unwarranted and unnecessary.
"Chiron's a stickler for grades, and my Father's cabin absolutely sucks to live in. It's practically a shrine to his ego." The sky boomed outside and Thalia rolled her eyes. "Tell me I'm wrong, Old Man!"
Ohh, she's a rebel. The Fox drawled sarcastically.
Naruto pinched the bridge of his nose and took a deep breath. Thalia was clearly feeling as if she were being smothered for some reason or another. It happened a handful of times back in the day whenever Luke tried to take charge of their merry little band. Must be due to whatever Olympian kept bothering her, not that he knew which it was. She was frustratingly tight lipped about it whenever he asked. Regardless, nothing he could say would convince her to go back to Camp Half-Blood if she was this dead set against it.
"Fine. That's your call," he said finally. He frowned at her scowl. "Hey, I'm on your side, Tree Girl. So stop getting mad at me for stuff that's not my fault."
"Oh?" Thalia's eyes narrowed. "So, I could get mad at you for, I don't know, the whole time where you didn't call me!?"
"I already told you," Naruto sighed. "Gran-Gran wanted to surprise you. Ever since my birthday—"
"That's exactly what I was talking about!" Thalia interjected. She jabbed him in the chest again, eyes sparking. "Every News station in America is calling whatever happened that day the 'Colorado Incident', Whiskers! It's so bad even unworthy mortals are aware of it! Except this time, the Camp's got no idea what actually went down! I don't even know what the hell happened because you've been unreachable for a month! So why didn't you just call me?!"
He frowned, hadn't they gone over this?
"I was unconscious aft—"
"I was talking about calling me before whatever went down!" Thalia growled. Her hand gesticulated, almost as if she wanted to grab him, punch him, hit him, likely do something violent — before she balled it into a fist and let it rest at her side. The other was dragged over her face in frustration before she glared at him again. "I would've helped you, you idiot!"
Naruto blinked. Wait, hold on. She was mad because he didn't ask for help? The thought was nice, but practically speaking—
"Thalia, you live two time zones away from me." Well, essentially that.
…Wait, did I say that out loud?
You sure did. The Fox guffawed. Sage, I wish I had some Ramen for this. This is going to be amazing!
"Newsflash, Whiskers, there's these magical things called cars, pretty sure you have one. Or there's a larger version called a train! Gods, if I had to, I would've flown out there!" Thalia scowled and cut him off before he could speak. "No, I wouldn't have liked it, but I would have done it, because that's what friends do!"
Ah. That certainly puts things in perspective.
"Alright, you've made your point." Naruto held his hands up to placate her, since she was (sort of) right. He sighed and rested one on his hip while he rubbed his forehead with the other. "Look, the next time the former king of Arcadia abducts my only mortal friend, kills him, then spends a day playing cat and mouse with me before finally trying to turn me into his newest pack member, I'll call you. Are we good now?"
"Di Immortales." Thalia's outrage had turned into flat shock. "Whiskers, is-is that why you were unconscious for so long? You were bitten by Lycaon?!"
It was at this point Naruto realized he might've said too much.
"…No?" Maybe she'd buy it. It was a long shot, but he'd said stupider things when he was younger—
"It is." She gaped. "You were bitten!"
Dammit, Thalia, Naruto thought with a frustrated groan. Stop being able to see through my lies!
It's almost as if you lived on the road together for months on end. The Fox muttered with a snort.
The peanut gallery's commentary is unwelcome and unwanted! He snapped at his tagalong.
"How did you survive?!"
"Uncle Fred and one of my, uh, cousins essentially cured it." Naruto shrugged. That's what they told him anyway. As far as he was aware, the Fox just took parts of the curse and applied it to his biology. He still wasn't sure what that entailed, aside from the enhanced senses.
"I can't believe you." Thalia's eyes narrowed once more. Before Naruto could blink, she had grabbed the lapels of his jacket and pushed him against the wall across from her door. Drywall cracked. He winced, briefly, and then steeled his features when orbs of lightning had replaced her blue eyes. "You went toe-to-toe with freaking Lycaon! Alone?! Are you crazy or just stupid?!"
Both. The Fox deadpanned.
You've officially been uninvited to this conversation. Naruto thought sourly. He grunted when he was pulled from the wall and shoved back into it. That hurt. Whoever said drywall was flimsy was a liar and deserved to have their tongue cut out.
"Thalia, chil—!"
"Don't you dare tell me to chill, Whiskers!" Thalia snapped. "How am I supposed to be chill when one of my best friends has a freaking death wish!?"
"I don't have a death wish!" Naruto protested with a scowl.
Ehh…
You are supposed to be quiet right now!
"You attacked a mob boss, your apartment was turned into a crime scene and you got arrested for manslaughter!" Thalia cut him off with a hiss. She jabbed her finger into his chest again. Okay, that was starting to get annoying. "All of that happened in January. You spent most of your spring in Boston doing only Gods' know what, and I'm sure it wasn't working some kind of resort job!"
Understatement of the century. The Fox grumbled.
I will mount your head on the wall of my mother's temple!
"I guess the only time you weren't trying to get yourself killed was during the summer!" Thalia continued. Her lip curled. His eyes narrowed. She wasn't going to say what he thought she was, was she? "But you were awfully content to just let us go off to die on our own again, weren't you? Happy just to be another mortal like everyone else!"
She did. She actually said it.
Okay. No. Line crossed.
In one swift motion, Naruto grabbed Thalia's hands, removed them from his person and reversed their positions, pinning her hands beside her head. His knee blocked hers when it expectedly rose up, and his foot shifted to the side to avoid her stomp. He glared into her eyes before he spoke through clenched teeth.
"Calm. Down." Her sparking eyes narrowed, so he did the same. "You are allowed to be angry–"
"Gee, thank–!"
"Quiet!" Naruto snapped, startling her from her (reasonably) pissed retort. He wasn't in the mood to deal with her attitude. His eyes shifted focus between either of hers, waiting for the sparks to die down. When they did seconds later, he continued. "Thalia, you are allowed to be angry, but making baseless accusations like that is not okay. I'm your friend, remember? You want to know why I didn't go with you guys in June? Why had I wanted to go to my classes instead? I'll tell you, but this fit you're having? It needs to stop. Now."
"Or else what?" Thalia scowled. "You'll make me?"
"Do you really think I could make you do anything?" Naruto shot back lowly. If Thalia had wanted to, she could've shocked him at any time after he reversed the pin on her. That she hadn't, even by accident, said a lot about how much she trusted him. He wasn't going to abuse that trust; even now his grip on her arms was loose enough to keep her restrained, but not hurt her too much.
Her silence after his question gave him his answer in volumes.
"Yeah. I probably can't. What I will do if you won't stop doing this, is just leave." Naruto watched her eyes dilate and filed that away to address later. Right now, had a point to make. "Gran-Gran will be mad at me, but she'll get over it. I'll leave, Thalia. For good. We can live out our lives on opposite sides of the country and we can forget the other even exists. Does that sound better to you?"
She furrowed her brows together, likely trying to figure out if he was bluffing. He wasn't.
"Thalia." He grit his teeth and curled his lip. "Don't think I won't."
"…You gonna let me go?" Her words were soft, and the heat in her glower had dropped several degrees. He arched his brow.
"Are you done trying to emulate your father?"
"For now." The petulant grumble was probably the closest to a yes he was going to get.
Naruto released her and took a step back. He crossed his arms as she rubbed her wrists. While she continued to give him a dirty look, he took a deep breath and started to rub his head with one hand. This spontaneous visit was going just about as well as he had expected it to go. The only upside thus far was that he hadn't been shocked yet.
"So?" Thalia broke the quiet, and Naruto looked at her. Her arms were crossed, and there was a frown on her face. He closed his eyes and took another deep breath once more.
"Thalia, I didn't go with you guys because what you were saying was true." Naruto grumbled before he opened his eyes to meet hers again. He crossed his arms when he saw the victorious smirk on her face. That wouldn't do. "To an extent."
Part of him reveled in the scowl she gained. Another, quieter part noted that her freckles were more apparent whenever she smiled in comparison. That was an odd observation he'd have to wonder about later.
"I'm going to need more to go on than that."
"And you'll get it." He glanced at the slight crack in the wall beside her. "But I think this hallway's taken enough damage from one of our 'discussions'."
Thalia's face flushed as she flicked her gaze to the wall she'd pinned him against. Her cheeks darkened and she looked away. Naruto's brow furrowed, that was a weird reaction. Then again, she was probably thinking about how she'd have to explain the damage to her benefactor. He didn't envy her there, it was bound to be embarrassing. Part of him wanted to be there to see it.
"So, what? We go in and finish this in my apartment with your grandmother as a witness?" Thalia asked after clearing her throat. An attempt to cover her embarrassment maybe? Oh, wait. She thought that whole exchange wasn't witnessed? Might as well pop that bubble.
"My Grandmother's been eavesdropping ever since the door shut behind her." Naruto snorted. Thalia stared at him.
"Yuh-you're kidding."
"I don't think I am." He turned and glowered at the door. "Am I, Gran-Gran?"
The door cracked open and Leto frowned down at him.
"Don't intrude on my fun, Grandson."
"Then stop eavesdropping on my conversations." Naruto shot back without any heat. He looked at Thalia. She was so red that she looked about ready to join up with the Killer Tomato Brigade. He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Dinner first, then talk?"
"Sure." Thalia squeaked before rushing into the apartment. He watched her go in confusion, then looked at his grandmother. Leto shrugged.
"I've only just met her, dear." She smiled. "Now come in and hang up your coat. I'm going to have you on the vegetables."
Should've finished fighting your mate-prospect for dominance. Now there is an abundance of pheromones in the air. The Fox huffed. And you haven't determined who will be the top. Even The Bitch and her Idiot had that sorted out by this point.
"Please just shut up, Fox." Naruto grumbled as he walked into the apartment.
Water ran abundantly from the swan-necked faucet. Thalia splashed more on her face before she turned off the bathroom sink and braced herself against it. She stared at her reflection in the mirror. Not a single freckle had grown in size nor had she sprouted more eyeballs.
So… why did her face still feel like it was on fire?!
Thalia closed her eyes and groaned as the answer came to her just as swiftly as the question had. She could still feel the heat radiating from his body while it was so close to hers, regardless of who was in control. The careful, near-steel grip she could've broken out of at any time had sent a thrill down her spine. But what captivated her most of all were his eyes. Two frozen oceans that withheld nothing of how he felt and demanded respect that she was, admittedly, not showing him. Especially with the words she said before he turned the tables on her.
I went too far. Thalia frowned. I'll apologize for it after he gives me his reasoning.
My oh my. So much growth and I didn't even have to twitch a finger! A familiar bell of laughter echoed in her head. The demigod opened her eyes and glared at her reflection. Or rather, she glared at the goddess that was appearing behind it.
"Go. Away. Aphrodite."
The goddess clicked her tongue.
So I can leave you and that hunk unsupervised? Absolutely not! Aphrodite flicked a fan open and hid her face behind it as she laughed. Oh, Thalia. If I left you to your own devices you'd get nowhere fast. That power move of yours backfired horribly, now didn't it?
"I was getting too angry." Thalia scowled at the admission. She tightened her grip on the counter. "I always do that. Whiskers snapped me out of it with his bluff."
Now, Thalia. Aphrodite snapped the fan closed and folded her arms under her bust. Be honest with yourself, do you really think he was bluffing?
"He was." Thalia bit on her lip and her hands balled into fists. "He wouldn't…Whiskers wouldn't actually do that."
Leave her apartment? Maybe. Thalia wouldn't be too surprised if Whiskers had done that. But cut ties all together? Even if he's just a mortal, that'd be too far. ...Right?
And how would you know? Aphrodite asked, sauntering around to her other side. Your 'Whiskers' is just a mortal. He can only handle so much of your abuse.
"Abuse?!" Thalia glared at the reflection.
You belittled and berated that poor boy, for what? For not going to the very place your father banned him from entering upon threat of his own demise? Aphrodite arched a brow at her. Did you forget that, Thalia? The role you played in his banishment from your former sanctuary?
"It wasn't my idea! You tricked me!" Thalia hissed.
Did I? Or was I genuinely warning you? That's your problem, Thalia. The flaw you've gotten from Zeus. Aphrodite smirked at her scowling reflection, gently combing the hair away from the demigod's eyes. Instinctively, Thalia lashed out to smack the goddess' hand away, but struck air. Rather than be upset, the Lady of Doves laughed softly at the foolish act. Not his rage. Deflection. Every overreaction you have is always someone else's fault. Not yours, never yours.
"No," Thalia shook her head. "No, you tricked me into doing it so that you'd be free to go after Whiskers because of Artemis!"
Do you really think I wouldn't be able to manipulate him at Camp? Where my children also happen to reside? Aphrodite asked with a smirk while Thalia fumed.
She remembered the children of Aphrodite and their take on the Hunters. She also remembered whispers they made in regards to Whiskers' appearance. Heck, even after he was banished, he would still pop up from time to time in their conversations. Beauregard had said something about him being an honorary member on 'The Wall' when she'd asked about him after that fateful capture the flag game.
"Whiskers would sooner rip your cabin's members apart."
Oh, if only. Aphrodite sighed, resting a hand on her cheek and leaning on the sink beside her. I know a few of my children that would love to have a man like that rip them apart.
"What is that supposed – oh, come on! Seriously?!" The goddess giggled again while Thalia groaned into her hands at the images that started popping into her head. There were far too many girls she knew and, though fewer, too many boys she recognized from Camp. The daughter of Zeus let out a rough exhale and dragged her hands down her face. "What do you want from me, huh? Why are you bothering me, Aphrodite?"
Because I'm letting you have a chance, Thalia, and you're at risk of squandering it over such trivial things! Aphrodite huffed. Don't misunderstand, normally I'm all for that, but at this rate, you'll turn him off the idea of romance altogether. And if that happens, it'll be Hippolytus all over again, only this time, Artemis wins.
"Oh, the tragedy of it all." Thalia grumbled. She made a note to look this Hippo-guy up. Maybe if she knew the reason Aphrodite was bothering her, she could work out a way around it.
"You really don't understand. Well, Thalia, let me make this perfectly clear."
A hand rested on her cheek and Thalia felt her head turn to look the Goddess in the eye. Thalia inwardly panicked, she was not prepared for the goddess of love (or any Olympian really) to actually manifest in her apartment, but managed to keep a straight face. Aphrodite scowled at her and the hand on her face tightened to squeeze her chin.
"I may be the 'pretty in pink' and 'airheaded' Goddess of Love, but that doesn't mean I can't be a total bitch." The words were hissed like they had come from a snake. "I've caused wars that were fought for years on end. I nearly split Olympus just by being born. If I lose this chance, this only opportunity, to give this poor boy the love he deserves for the suffering he's gone through?" The goddess leaned in to whisper in her ear. "I will destroy everything you hold dear."
"Gotta say, not really selling me on helping you after that threat." Thalia grumbled. She winced when the grip tightened further. The goddess' nails, which were as sharp as knives, broke the skin on her face.
"Thalia, dear, I don't make threats. Love is a promise." Aphrodite smirked. She released her face and gently moved Thalia's bangs back so that they were out of her eyes again. A flash of pink and the superficial wounds that the goddess' nails had left were gone. "If you don't feel anything for your 'Whiskers', then that's your loss. But if you do–"
"I don't like Whiskers like that." Thalia growled. Aphrodite tittered.
"Of course you don't." The goddess smiled. Thalia hated that smile with a passion. She circled around the demigod and traced a finger up and over her shoulders. "But if you did...well, all the more reason to snatch him up while the others are also feeling so generous towards you."
"What does that mean? What others?" Thalia frowned.
"Hm...I might as well tell you." Aphrodite looked at her nails and sighed. "Thanks to your Hunk's poor judgment, which is all Artemis' fault I'm sure, you're now aware I'm not the only deity who controls the domain of Love. Not that that wasn't the case before. My son Eros, for example, has his own gripes with that boy's family; ask Apollo about him if you ever get a chance. Not sure what Hathor's plans are or if she has any, she's rarely around much anymore and whenever she is, she's always more interested in chatting with Dionysus."
"...Hathor?" Thalia grimaced with the word that left her mouth. That was a name she was extremely unfamiliar with. Eros, she knew of. That stupid shapeshifter that bothered her, Whiskers, Annie and Luke back in the day claimed to be one of his demi-children. If he was half as annoying as Aphrodite was, Thalia never wanted to meet him.
"She's Egyptian, but don't worry about her. The one you should be worried about is Freya. She's a troublemaker. Ah, and I almost forgot about Frigg," Aphrodite chuckled. "Oh, is she frothing at the mouth to get your hunk back in Boston. He must've made quite the impression on her during his stint as a lifeguard at her husband's hotel."
"Boston? Lifeguard? Hotel?" Thalia zeroed in on the words. Those were not dropped on accident. Whiskers was a lifeguard in a hotel in Boston? What was so bad about being a lifeguard in a hotel that he was told not to talk about it? Did they not have trunks his size or something? Given his fit shape, that probably wasn't the case. Maybe it was the type of bathing suit? A red speedo or–
And now I'm thinking about Whiskers in a red speedo. Thalia hung her head and groaned. That damn Iris Message haunted her dreams, likely on account of her stupid hormones. Aphrodite's presence was probably influencing them or something.
"Oh, that's an image." Aphrodite tittered. Crap, she saw it. Please, please don't comment on it. The Goddess glanced at the door, then back at Thalia. "I'd love to stay and talk about your detailed imagination–" Hoover Dammit. "—But our time's up. Might want to give off a courtesy flush so they don't think you were in here crying."
"Wha–?" A gentle knock sounded at the door and Thalia turned to look at it.
"Thalia?" Leto's voice came through. She sounded a bit concerned. "Is everything all right, honey? You've been in there for quite a while."
"Be out in a second, just um...brushing my teeth." Thalia groaned at the words that left her lips. They were about to eat, why would she brush her teeth before a meal? That was an excuse Percy would use. She turned to scowl one last time at the goddess that had been threatening her, only to find herself looking at air.
Don't worry, Thalia, Aphrodite's voice rang in her head. If you need any help, just ask. I'll be watching.
Oh, marvelous. Thalia rolled her eyes. She glanced at her reflection in the mirror, her bangs were still pulled back. She drummed her fingers on the sink before she shook her head. Her bangs fell again and she smirked at her small retribution against Aphrodite before leaving the bathroom.
Leto sighed as she went about gathering the dishes from the table.
Dinner had been a tense affair. Mostly between the Demigod and the Mortal. Likely due to the spat that occurred between them earlier. Even without the hint of ichor flowing through his veins that Thalia had in hers, Naruto was his mother's son. He was stubborn, proud, and as blunt as the very trees he preferred to surround himself with. His position wasn't wrong, but the points Thalia had brought up were very valid.
Leto knew more than others that secrets did no one any favors.
"Dessert?" She asked the two.
"If I try to eat anything else, I think I'll explode." Thalia groaned, her cheek resting on her arms on the table. Leto thought her table manners needed work, but then Artemis always needed a hour or two to bounce back to some semblance of civility whenever she bothered to stay for a meal. Not to mention that the poor demigoddess didn't have a single mother-figure in her life.
"I'll take some." Her grandson said as he started getting the rest of the dishes. Leto appreciated his help gathering them. It was when he tried to help her at the sink, as he had been for the past few days, that she shooed him away.
"I'll handle these." Barely a glance at the dirtied silverware had them starting to wash themselves. She turned her grandson around and leaned over his shoulder to whisper. "You owe her some explanations."
"Stop. Eavesdropping." He hissed back.
"Never." Leto muttered around a laugh, before giving him a gentle shove. "Go on. I'll bring you some pumpkin pie in a bit."
"Pushy." He grumbled. Leto arched a brow and sent his ear a flick with a thought. The petulant scowl he gave her before he walked back to the girl made him look so much like Apollo whenever she'd chided him for some reason or another.
We're sure he's not Apollo's? Leto wondered. That would be a rather hilarious reveal. The mortals' Jerry Springer young Cassandra so enjoyed growing up would be a perfect setting for such a thing. Alas, the goddess was sure she'd sense a flicker of divinity by now. That thought had her thinking of the demigoddess her grandson was guiding to the sitting room around the corner.
There wasn't a doubt in Leto's mind that Thalia was Zeus' child. Penchant for lightning notwithstanding, her hair, eyes, and the shape of her nose were all the same features the King had. Then there was her attitude which was… assertive. Admittedly, the freckles were a cute addition for this generation. Must've come from the mother.
However, along with Zeus' mark on his mortal child, there was the air of another around her. Leto felt it earlier, but didn't wish to draw attention to her presence here. Hera was lenient of her in many ways, but if she ever began to feel that Leto was favoring another bastard…
Don't think about it. Leto shook her head. She was here for her grandson, to encourage his budding relationship, and it was mere coincidence that the girl that relationship was with was Zeus' daughter. Speaking of, she'd let them have their privacy for long enough.
"...Hotel Valhalla? And you didn't think it might be a gateway to the Norse Afterlife?"
"I had just been arrested." Leto still needed to get the story about that from Apollo. How in the world did he lose his only nephew twice in one lifetime?
"So, wait, how long were you in prison for?"
"I was only in holding. There's a difference."
"Seriously? How long did it take for them to arrest you?"
"The day of." Naruto drawled. There was a pause and he sighed. "Thalia, there were gunshots."
"It's Jersey." Thalia deadpanned. Leto snorted, if she thought the state was bad now, she should've been there after the Revolutionary War. Talk about a madhouse.
"Still, gunshots. In a Hilton. Of course the cops were called." He snorted. "They saw a bunch of dead guys and one blood-covered teen…I'd arrest me, too. ...Well, actually, I'd probably start throwing sharp things at him."
"What, did they find you in the middle of the brawl? You couldn't find a window to jump out of, Moon Knight?"
"No, it was a ten story fall." The silence that hung for a moment was interesting. Her grandson sighed again, and his next words really made her concerned for his mental state. "Besides, I was beating a guy's face in with a brick when they got there."
"You are Artemis' kid, right?" Thalia asked after a beat.
"Yes. Mom taught me self-defense."
"With a brick?"
"With a knife." Naruto snorted. "The brick was a mercy."
Leto really needed to have a talk with Artemis about this. It was the Niobe incident all over again. Only now her baby girl was teaching her adorable grandson to be far too violent. This had to have been due to Zeus' leniency. She told him those wishes were a bad idea.
"And this Alf guy busted you out?"
"He paid my bail and wiped my record. He's a Norse god. No, I will not tell you which."
"You said–"
"That I would tell you why I didn't go with you guys last summer. You're the one that asked about Hotel Valhalla." Naruto huffed. He scrutinized her. "Unless you want to tell me who told you about the Hotel in Boston."
"...So, why didn't you go with us?" Oh, well, that's troubling. Leto needed to pull this girl aside and give her some advice on romance. One, don't keep secrets. Two, don't sleep with gods. They could be married.
"Aside from the fact that I really wanted to go to class?" There was a soft thump and her grandson let out a grunt. "Stop. Hitting. Me."
"Or else what, Whiskers? It's not like you ever hit back."
"Tree Girl, I don't want to hit back. I shouldn't have to hit back."
"Why? Would you prefer having a brick in your hand?"
"Honestly? Yeah. It might give me an edge."
Thalia let out a sound that was too low to be a giggle, yet too high to be a chuckle, it was somewhere in between. Leto stifled a laugh. These two were adorable. She wished she could watch them outright– Oh, that gave her an idea. Pressing herself as close to the wall as she could, the goddess of motherhood poked her head around the corner and dared a peek.
The back of the couch was to her, and their faces weren't obscured by it. Thalia was sitting on the right side, her legs tucked under her and turned to the left towards Naruto, who sat on the cushion beside her, leaning on it sideways with his arm atop the back. There was a comfortable gap between them, one that could be breached by either's arm's reach. Thalia was grinning, bringing her inherent beauty to Leto's attention, and Naruto's eyes were sparkling with the same lighthearted joy that were there when he was but a bundle in his mother's arms.
Ah, young love. Leto smiled and leaned against the wall watching them. The joy in her grandson's eyes suddenly dimmed and Leto's smile fell.
"The reason I didn't go with you guys was for the very reason I gave," he said, looking out the large windows overlooking the city. His gaze fell on the Empire State Building. "If I went back to Camp...That's it. Game over. A little selfish, but...I dunno, Thalia. Maybe that's just human nature."
"So, then...do you...regret helping me?" Thalia's smile had fallen into a frown. Naruto looked back at her and his eyes showed hardened conviction.
"No." He reached out and put a hand on her shoulder. Leto inwardly groaned at the move. That was the perfect opportunity to hold her hand, cup her face, or graze her arm, or do anything more intimate than pep-talk grab her shoulder! "Thalia, you already gave so much for Olympus. It's not fair for them to ask for more. It wasn't your fault that your dad and your mom did what they did to make you."
"You mean they...bumped uglies." Thalia slowly smirked. Naruto groaned and moved the hand on her shoulder to cover his face.
"Don't."
Oh, what was this? Leto arched a brow.
"They made The Beast with Two Backs."
"Oh, could you not?"
"What? I'm only talking about–how'd you put it?" Thalia tilted her head before she started snickering. "Oh, yeah. 'Perverts procreating purely for pleasure'."
"We were kids. In a drugstore. Getting Annabeth medicine for her cold!" Naruto scowled and – Oh Rhea's sweet baby boy, her grandson was blushing! So cute! He crossed his arms and turned away. "That cashier crossed the line."
"He just wanted you to be safe."
"He slipped us condoms! I was fourteen, you were twelve! And he slipped us condoms!"
"Yeah, but I was tall for my age. And you were short."
"I–" Naruto groaned into his hand. "We should've called the cops on him...or busted his face open."
"Yeah, that would have been fun." Thalia shoved him. "Come on, it was only annoying for like an hour. They did come in handy for that water balloon fight."
"Oh, yeah. I almost forgot about that...Luke's scream echoed for miles." Naruto snorted. "I almost felt bad."
"Annie was laughing so hard she was pink."
"That's only because she thought it was just a balloon."
"Those were the best water snakes ever."
"...Think she ever figured out what they were?"
"If not, I'm telling her the next time I see her."
"You're evil, but I respect that."
"Yeah…" Thalia's voice trailed off. "Hey, Whiskers...About what I said in the hallway–"
"Don't sweat it. You were mad." Naruto shrugged. "You don't have the best track record whenever you're mad."
"...What is that supposed to mean?"
"Do you want a list? Because I could make a list–Ow! Thal–Tree Girl! Hey!" Naruto scooted back when Thalia tried to punch him. He wound up toppled to his back on the far left cushion, using his arms to block her swings. "This isn't fair, I don't have a brick!"
"Life's not fair!" Thalia spat as she squirmed atop him, nearly straddling, and kept trying to punch him. She fully straddled him when she captured one hand under her knee and the other wrist with her left hand. "Now hold still and take your lump like a man, smart ass!"
Leto couldn't resist laughing at that point. She knew her cover was blown, but this was too precious.
"Gran-Gran, stop laughing and get her off of me!"
"What's wrong, Whiskers, can't handle getting your just desserts?"
"Tree Girl, you weigh a ton."
"Well, I did eat a lot of turkey." Thalia, still holding Naruto's wrist in one hand and readying a fist to punch him with the other, turned to smile at her. "By the way, thanks for dinner, Lady Leto! It was great!"
"My pleasure dear." Leto giggled.
"Seriously, Thalia. Get off. You're sitting on my stomach."
"...What?"
"You are sitting on my stomach."
Thalia's face immolated and Leto almost died of laughter when she scrambled to move. Her attempted dive off of the couch, the ensuing tumble between it and the coffee table, and Naruto's consequential grunt of being jumped off of sold their relationship for her. These two were just so perfect together.
Leto sent a second aspect of herself off to cash in on a few favors so that she could see this through.
Artemis would forgive her eventually.
Apollo had been listening to some old Johnny Cash between meetings, so his twin's dramatic entrance was met by silence and the sight of him reclining in a hammock with headphones on. He realized real fast that she was there when his hammock was suddenly upturned and he flipped around in the air, nearly landing face first on the ground. He'd caught himself and shot to his feet, initially incensed, but cooled when he saw it was her.
"Lil' Sis! What's up?"
"Apollo." He saw her say. Then heard her when she ripped the headphones from his head. "– those damn things off!"
"Ow! What!? What?!"
"Mother has taken Naruto from my lands."
"Okay? So, he's chilling with Mom, is that bad? She's probably happy to have a grandkid to spoil this year. I mean, I'd go get some of her cooking, but I've got meetings in a few hours and her meals are dangerous." Apollo patted his perfectly toned stomach. "Don't want to get out of shape."
"It will be hard for you to do that if you are stuffed and mounted in my temple!" Artemis snapped before she started pacing.
"Whoa, that's hostile, Sis."
"I am in no mood for your fatheadedness, Apollo!"
"Okay, okay. Serious time. I got it. But he's with Mom! What could be so bad?" Apollo asked, crossing his arms. "He's not gonna get got by another pantheon while he's with her, and you've got the tracker on him–"
"She's blocking it!"
"…Okay, so Mom kidnapped him." Apollo arched a golden brow. "How is this any different than when she took Hymen? …Well, aside from what they did when she did."
"Apollo, my son is still chaste!" Artemis seethed. "The last time Mother saw him, she tried to engage him with her mortal charge!"
"Hold on. Back up. Rewind." Apollo rubbed his eyes with one hand. "Lil Nephew just turned eighteen...and he's a virgin?!"
"Obviously."
"…What?!"
"His ...misadventure in Seattle aside, you've summed it up perfectly. Naruto is still chaste." Artemis nodded happily before scowling. "If it were up to Mother, he'd be in Aphrodite's clutches at this point. No better than you or the rest of Olympus."
"I'm standing right here–This is my temple!" Apollo scowled at her disrespect. An amber brow arched.
"Your point?"
"You are all kinds of hurtful." Apollo huffed. He crossed his arms again. "I should throw you out and call Mom. See what plots she's weaving to undermine you. Maybe I should help out of spite."
"Don't think I won't let Diana out again."
"You–!" Apollo swallowed the first seventy-five hundred words that came to mind. "Very mean person that I am related to."
"Witty."
"You wouldn't know wit if it slapped you in the face like a fish." Apollo mocked. Victory was his!
"Why on Earth would any–? No, curse you, Apollo!" Artemis groaned, pinching the bridge of her nose. She huffed out a sigh before scowling at him. "I came to you for help. Mother has kidnapped my son and I can't find her!"
"You can't find Mom?" Apollo smirked.
"She is vastly superior at hiding than I am. She hid from Hera for months, before we were born. Remember?"
"Right." Apollo always forgot that part of their history. Why did he ever bother listening to Hera again? ...Oh yeah, the threat of forced mortal labor. Just the thought of those years made him have flashbacks. He rubbed his face. "Okay, well, have you tried calling Naruto yet?"
"Iris' messaging is a useless method of conversation with–"
"I said 'call'." Apollo sighed. "Sis, do you even still have the phone I got you?"
"It's in my temple. ...Somewhere."
"Why am I not surprised? Lives like a cavewoman, acts like a cavewoman." Apollo sighed and looked at his temple's ceiling. He twisted his wrist and pulled his phone out from its private subspace. He primed his nephew's number and waggled it at her. "You may make one call. Then go find your phone. Lil Nephew's got your number registered, so he might call you! …You know, maybe more often than we call Mom."
"...Such a waste of time, why bother speaking if not in front of the other partaker?" Artemis grumbled, snatching the phone from his hand. She frowned at the keys.
"It's the green button." Apollo drawled with a twist of his hand.
"I knew that."
"Uh-huh." He pretended to investigate his impeccable nails while she glared at him. She held the phone to her ear as it rang and he oh-so-casually eavesdropped.
"...Naruto? Where are you, I can barely hear you? ...You're where?"
"Balls deep in a brothel's best whore?" Apollo asked, only half-joking. The glare he got for his mild exaggeration was hilariously furious. She really needed to get over the fact that mortal women knew how to make men bow to their whims and make profit off of it.
"I can't...I'm handing you to your Uncle." Artemis offered him the phone, but held it for a second longer before he could take it. "Find. My. Son."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah." Apollo rolled his eyes and put the phone to his ear. Static. So much static. It was actually cringe-inducing. "Lil Nephew? Can you hear me?"
"Ju––ine, U–le Fr–. Wha–ron–now?"
"Well, somehow, I've got terrible reception. I'm on Hephaestus' wireless provider, so that shouldn't even be a thing. Are you at an underground rave? Without me?! What the hell, kid?" The thought was deeply hurtful. Why was his family so cruel today, of all days? He resolved to call Mom later for a pep talk. And better details.
"No. I'm–Ju–At–Ali–Par–Ent."
"...Allie's Apartment? Who's Allie? She cute? Or he!" Apollo quickly tacked on. It'd be awfully hypocritical, especially for him, to judge his nephew for being a member of the LGBTQ+ Community. "Remember, Lil Nephew, Uncle Fred loves you regardless of sexual orientation and, unlike your mother, he doesn't judge."
"...O-Ok–? I'm–Ju–Gon–Ret–You–Idn–Say–Hat." Brat.
"What is he saying?" Artemis hissed at him, but he shooed her off. This was male talk time, Artemis was not invited.
"Look, kiddo, what state are you in?"
"N–Nevada."
Apollo paused. That voice was not the voice of his beloved Lil Nephew. It was octaves too deep. He furrowed his brow. He knew that voice. Why did he know that voice?
"What city?"
"Ne–Carson City."
"...Hephaestus." Apollo hissed and ground his teeth. Crap. Mom really had kidnapped Naruto.
"Don't worry Lil' Nephew, I'll get tech support and find you. Remember to keep it safe and don't drink from the punch bowl!" He paused, and amended. "Or do, we don't know how that'll affect you. It'll be a learning experiment! Ace could use the notes. I'm rambling. Bye-bye!"
"Bye?"
"Bye, kiddo!" Apollo grinned before flipping the phone shut. He put it and the hand around it to his head and took a deep breath. "Dammit."
"Well? Where is he?!" Artemis asked from where she stood with her arms crossed. He pointed a finger at her.
"First, you have to promise not to blame me."
"Apollo–!"
"Artemis, this time, legit." He pointed at himself. "Not my fault! So promise!"
"Fine, yes. Fine." Artemis sighed. "I promise not to blame you."
"Thank you." Apollo huffed. He tossed his phone aside and crossed his arms. "If you must know, Mom bribed Hephaestus to intercept my, and I assume your, calls."
"Very well." Artemis turned to leave and Apollo snapped his fingers. His temple's lockdown initiated and she rounded on him. "Apollo, let me out of here."
"Yeah, definitely not happening until I know what you're planning."
"I am going to break his other leg."
"Artemis, no!"
"Artemis, yes!" Artemis snarled. "He's had this coming for far too long!"
"Mom bribed him! He's probably enjoying some pecan pie or something!" Apollo threw his hands up when she glared harder at him. "What do you want from me, Sis? I can't precog lil Nephew because of all the stuff that's happened to him, we can't call him or Mom, and she's blocked your magic. How'd she even do that? She'd need access to the spell in order to–" Apollo paused and looked at Artemis. She refused to meet his gaze. He turned to face her fully, gaping as he did. "Artemis, you didn't."
"...I had to get back to the Hunt. He was going to be watched. She swore–"
"Artemis, you caused this!" Apollo groaned into his hands. His phone lines were probably jammed and would be for who knows how long! "Oh my Me! You basically gave Mom the okay to take Naruto and do whatever she wants with him! She could seduce him for all you know!"
"Apollo, don't be crass!"
"It's Hymen all over again, Artemis!" Apollo often forgot about his unfortunately named son for good reason. He scrubbed his face with his hands. "Tartarus swallow me now! Why did Mom have to mess with my phone!? I'm innocent in this!"
"Your failure to watch him led to this!"
"I'm not the one who just gave her son to our hot, single Mom! And yes, I know how weird that sounds!"
Artemis cursed and crossed her arms. "What do you propose we do about it?"
"Wait until he shows up again!" Apollo threw his arms up again at her affronted squawk. "Sis, we can't divert our time to this right now! We are literally on the precipice of another revolt, only this time, all of us are going to be in the net, not just Pops!"
"I know–I just...Why can't he ever just stay put?" Artemis grumbled as she rubbed her eyes. "Is it so much to ask for?"
"Preaching to the choir, Sis." Apollo grumbled. He sighed. "Well, plus side, at least we know he won't be at risk of dying. …But if he does, what a way to go, am I right?"
"I will mount your head on my chariot and use it in the place of a lantern!"
AN: Somebody has a birthday today. It's not me, but a personal friend. They asked me to post this early (and I'd be forgiven for not buying a gift).
Next chap Friday, same time, same channel.