Disclaimer: Don't own PJO or the Whiskered Warrior.
Lunar Phases
Domestic
Cohabitation.
To live together without being bound together by legal means. Dorm or roommates, for example, are a form of cohabitation. An individual learns more about his/her/their own lesser qualities by living with another person rather than if they lived alone. Most of the Olympians, given that they are gods, have no use for the word. To them, it is a purely mortal term, a rarity, brought about by the spinning wheel that is time. It was only when the word was first used to describe a sexual relationship, either with romantic feelings or not, between two cohabitants that the gods started arguing about it. Hera saw it as an affront to her domain, and Aphrodite – to no Olympian's surprise – saw it as the next logical step in mortal couplings. It was an argument that had yet to be resolved.
December 21st, 2008
The snow had once more started to fall, less blustery than it did that day three weeks ago, now a more manageable amount. Clad in green lounge pants and his near-impenetrable shirt, Naruto stared out the window from Thalia's penthouse, his arms crossed and a small frown on his face. His gaze was drawn to the west, toward Mount Tamalpais that was far out of view. The only thing he could remember during his very brief time on Kronos' side was the confirmation of where The Titan's primary camp was: San Francisco.
It was where his father was.
The man who'd left his wife, Naruto's birth mother, to die from external wounds while he had disappeared for two decades. He thought of the odd knife – kunai, he corrected himself – he still had in his possession, where it hung on the wall beside the television. It was simple steel, nothing supernatural about it save for the glyphs scrawled on the handle. Supposedly with those glyphs, he remembered his father could teleport to it whenever he wished, yet three weeks had passed and nothing had happened. That meant one of two things: either Hecate was biding her time and waiting to strike once their guards dropped, or, more likely, she didn't see the loss of one mortal as much of a significant one and had his father doing other things.
If it were the former, the Goddess of The Mists would be in for a rude awakening. His mother had increased the power imbued in his piercing, to make it more adherent and harder to rip away. Essentially, she drilled it into his skull like it was a screw. She said that the pain he felt during the 'procedure' doubled as his punishment for indirectly disobeying her again.
Your mother is a bitch. The Fox rumbled. The son of Artemis silently thought his mother may have overreacted, but refused to agree with it. It just made him all the angrier at himself for succumbing to Eros and Psyche's ridiculousness.
If the reasons for Hecate's delayed reaction to his 'betrayal' were because of the latter, Naruto hoped it was just thefts, scouting or recruiting that she had his father doing. There was the chance, however slim, that she had him doing something...Uncle Fred worthy. He didn't put it past any Greek to use mind trickery just to bed a mortal.
Like twisted versions of those Jedy people. The Fox grumbled. Naruto snorted, amused by the accusation and the mispronounced term. Uncle Fred would probably be flattered by the comparison, but others might not.
His thoughts on his mutualistic prisoner's strange sense of humor derailed as the room filled with the smell of the dew of a forest right after a thunderstorm. The floorboards beneath the carpet creaked softly and he was sure to relax, so as to not give anything away. Sure enough, a second after the last bit of tension in his shoulders slackened, an arm wrapped around his waist from behind.
"Everything okay, Whiskers?" Thalia asked, yawning as she leaned against him.
"Just looking into the distance. Pondering."
"Pondering?"
"Life. The Universe." He cracked a small smile as he looked down at her from the corner of his eye. "The number forty-two."
"Ugh, that movie was so dumb. You're not allowed to pick the movies anymore." She grumbled and rubbed her eyes. He snorted. They'd had a stay-in date night last night, marathoning comedies. His last pick was their last flick before they called it a night and retired to their separate rooms.
"You're the one who said you hadn't seen an Alan Rickman movie you liked. It was Hitchhiker's Guide or Galaxy Quest, and you've got a beef with Tim Allen."
"Dude killed Santa in front of his kid. Not okay." Thalia grumbled again. She sighed. "Are you gonna make breakfast, or keep trying to argue with me about your dumb sci-fi?"
"My cooking is the only reason you keep me around, isn't it?"
"Well, that, and the deal we made with your mom."
"Calling it a deal is generous." He mumbled as he rubbed his face with his free hand, fingers brushed over the arrow-shaped stud that poked out of his head and the notch in his right brow with a grimace. "At best we kept her from starting a civil war atop this second titanomachy."
"Hey, I got Artemis, the Goddess of the Hunt, to agree to have her son move in with me." She smirked and he shook his head at the simplification of the argument that took place. "Sure, you're technically allowed to go anywhere in the city, but a deal is a deal."
"Grandmother wore her down with her persuasions and bribery of desserts while Uncle Fred ran interference with Aphrodite." He gave her a sour look. "I still think you should've told me she was the one bothering you. Or at least my mother."
"Less scowling, more breakfast making." Thalia deflected the topic once more as she turned him towards her kitchen and gave him a push. He rooted himself in place and stubbornly crossed his arms. She groaned and slumped against him. "Whiskers, come on! Today's the first day of my birthday week!"
"Pretty sure that only counts after your birthday takes place."
"Not when your birthday takes place literal days before Christmas. Then it's all week long. Now make me pancakes, Breakfast Boy."
"Yeah…I think I prefer 'Whiskers', Tree Girl."
"Fine. Make me pancakes, Whiskers."
"'Make me pancakes, Whiskers'..?"
"Ugh." Her head rested on his back. "Please?"
"Well…" He pretended to think about it for a few seconds, and smirked when she groaned out a half-whine. "Sure."
"Yes!" She pushed down on his shoulders to pull herself up and give him a peck on the cheek. "Thanks! I'm gonna go shower, I want a bunch of syrup on 'em when they're done."
"At least you're remembering what manners are. Now if only I could get you to stick around to learn to co–"
"Stop stalling! Get cooking!" Thalia called as she disappeared around the corner. He glared at the hall she'd ducked into.
"I'm your boyfriend, not your servant."
"Not with that attitude, you're not!"
Naruto couldn't fight back the chuckle that ridiculous retort elicited from him. He shook his head and went to make the requested breakfast. When she emerged, he had three flapjacks ready, syrup poured to an excessive degree with a small sliver of butter at the top.
"For the birthday girl," he set the plate in front of her as she took a seat at the island table. He went back to making his own breakfast. "Enjoy."
"Ah, finally. Proper recognition. So, when's the surprise party?" Thalia asked like an eager child as she dug into her meal.
"Thalia, you dropped out of highschool and I'm under glorified house arrest." Granted, he could leave the apartment, but leaving Manhattan was out of the question. "How am I supposed to surprise you? And with who?"
"Can't you, I dunno, ask Khonsu to magic up stuff or something?"
"Yeah, I'll get right on that." He snorted and flipped one of his pancakes. "'Hey, Khonsu, you know how I got that last favor? Well, I'm going to cash it in on my girlfriend's birthday party. You know, the girl I had to twist your arm in order to keep her from becoming the child of Olympus' prophecy? Yeah, her, we're together now. Oh, it'll only cost me my eternal soul and a free pass to possess my body as your personal avatar? You got it, bud, make it happen!'"
"You are so thoughtful!" Thalia cheered, playing along before giving him a flat look. "You missed your true calling as an actor."
"I knew those drama credits would come in handy one day." Naruto smirked as he shut the oven off and brought his plate of pancakes over to join her. She immediately skewered and stole one of his three. He drummed his fingers on the counter and leveled her with a flat stare. "Really?"
"Hey, be grateful it was only one. In some states, that could be considered a declaration of war."
"A breakfast war?" He snorted and started cutting into his remaining flapjacks. "Sounds messy."
"The last true breakfast war ended in '94." Thalia swallowed another bite of her meal. She gained a far off look in her eye. "There was no saving that kitchen. Many utensils fell in the conflict. Few walked away unscuffed, clean faced, and there wasn't a single finger left un-stickied."
Naruto slowly pulled his fork from his mouth and stared at her. The bite he'd scraped off was swallowed. He set the utensil down and crossed his arms before he leaned on them.
"You had another dream about him, didn't you?"
"I don't want to talk about it, Whiskers."
"Thalia, come on." Naruto sighed. He knew how she'd react if he pushed, but this was the fifth time in a week. Coincidences didn't exist for them. "If Jason's alive–"
"He's not. It's just some God trying to take their swing at me." She muttered and static danced up her fork. The cut of the pancake she'd skewered on it shot at him, he tilted his head out of its way, and the microwave door once more needed to be cleaned. She scowled. "Dammit...Sorry, I'll get that in a second."
"It's fine. But, Thalia–"
"I said drop it." She glared at him before taking another bite off her fork. "It was just a dream."
"You and I both know demigods don't just have dreams."
"Whiskers, please. I don't want to argue about this."
"Then just listen, okay?" He reached out and put a hand over the one she had holding her knife. "Please?"
"...You've got until I finish eating." She stuffed another bite in her mouth, tucked it into her cheek then pointed her fork at him. "Go."
"If he's alive, we should find him. Preferably before The Crooked One does." Naruto said, all while keeping eye contact with her while she ate. He considered his words carefully, knowing how sensitive the subject was. "And I know you looked when you were younger, but Thalia, when you did that, you were twelve and alone. You're older and stronger now. You've got me, Annabeth, Percy, Bianca and the rest of The Hunt more than willing to help you. We can cover–"
"Done." Thalia set her knife and fork on her plate. Huh, she didn't even look like she was eating fast, but sure enough the plate was empty. She crossed her arms and glared at him. "One: I searched for Jason for weeks. Not days. Weeks. Two: He was abandoned as a toddler. The chances of him surviving, at all, are so low even the Fates would have trouble giving him leeway. And I started my search late. I hate to think about it, Whiskers, but he was probably eaten by a wolf or something. Hell, he probably got eaten by Lycaon for some-some sick sense of cosmic irony! So, no, we're not going to run off on a wild goose chase just to be disappointed. Got it?"
"I–" Naruto held her thunderous gaze with a calm one before he sighed and resumed eating his meal. "Fine."
"Good." She got up from her seat, took her plate to the sink and dumped it in. Then she grabbed a paper towel to clean off the microwave. He was in the middle of his next bite when she snuck around him from behind and gave him a hug. He set his utensils down again and turned in his seat to hug her back. She rested her head on his shoulder. "Thanks for offering, though."
"I'm sorry, Tree Girl," he said softly. "I didn't mean to upset you during your birthday breakfast."
"First of seven, so it's fine. Just don't do it again."
"I won't." Naruto pulled back and gave her a quick kiss. The taste of sugar-filled maple caused his stomach to growl, but his heart made a pleasant stutter in his chest. He smiled as her freckled cheeks turned red and lifted his hand to cup her face. "Love you, Tree Girl."
"Love you, too, Whiskers." She smiled back before she pulled his hand away, leaned in and stole another kiss. "Hurry up and finish eating so you can do the dishes."
"Next you'll be asking me to do your laundry. ...I am not doing your laundry, Thalia." Naruto deadpanned at her growing smirk.
"See, you say that, but...It's my birthday week."
"No, we have a chores chart for a reason." He nodded at the blank erase board that neither of them really paid much attention to.
"Oh, forget the stupid chart!"
Schooling his deadpanned features, Naruto let out a startled dramatic gasp, going as far as to start raising his hand up to his face in horror. Thalia scoffed out a laugh.
"Jerk." She accused with a smile. "Eat your food, do the dishes and then go shower. I feel like hitting the town today."
"Will I need a brick to defend its honor?"
"Eat! Clean! Shower!" Thalia ordered around a laugh as she walked over to the couch, grabbed her GED study guide, cracked it open and started going through it. A beat passed before she dropped it to her lap and flopped her head to the back of the couch. "I don't hear you chewing!"
"I'm eating, I'm eating," he said around a chuckle as he got back to his pancakes. He was worried about Thalia's dreams, but that didn't mean he needed to worry about her. Thalia projected herself to be as tough as nails, and she was certainly tough enough where it mattered, but because of that she could be frustratingly stubborn at times. However... that was part of what he loved about her.
"Do you think this has a 'punk' vibe or does it come off as too thuggish?" Thalia asked, holding up a leather jacket that looked pretty much the same as the one she used to wear. The only difference between the two was that hers had light stripes on the bicep, this one didn't. Whiskers stared at her, arms crossed and notched brow arched.
"I have no idea what those words even mean. Why not just get something practical?"
"Whiskers, you're wearing a jean jacket in the middle of winter." She gestured at him and frowned at the sight of him wearing his jacket again. That thing, as terrible as it was keeping her warm, was comfy. Not to mention it had that strong, woodsy smell she associated with her boyfriend.
"It's insulated." He flipped his acid-stained jacket open to reveal the fuzzy lining. Soft, yes. Thalia knew from wearing it into the Underworld. Warm? Not in the slightest. Well, not to her anyway. "And then there's my shirt–"
"Ah, right, that reminds me. You need more variety." Thalia mumbled, brows furrowed when she caught sight of the only shirt he had covering his body once again.
"Definitely not." Whiskers pulled at the Moon Knight shirt that covered his torso. "This is magically enchanted, regulates temperature and is essentially bulletproof. Name another shirt that can do the same. Remember California?"
"Fair." Thalia conceded, doing her best to not think about the time Whiskers was bleeding out in front of her. She'd never felt more useless in her life, and it was a feeling she hated. Trying to get off that train of thought, she reached out and put a hand on his arm, frowning. "But I would like to see you in a splash of color other than white."
"…Oh, for the love of–" Whiskers turned, stared at a shelf for a second, before he snatched something from it. He tossed it to her and she caught it with ease. "Here. Thoughts?"
It was an orange t-shirt with a faded Sunkist logo on it. She held it up to him and...actually, that looked kind of nice. She almost wondered what he'd look like in a Camp T-shirt. Maybe she could get Annie to bring her one in his size? She just had to offer up a few drachma. Ah, right. He was waiting for a response.
"And with that, you've made my birthday week." Thalia smiled as she tossed the shirt back to him to carry. She turned back to the jackets. "Go pick three more."
"Wha—Are you serious?"
"Why not?" She shot back. She smirked at his scowl. "Come on, humor me. Why would changing your shirt be so bad more than once a week?"
"Well, for one thing, Gran-Gran gave me this shirt." He gave her a pointed look. "You know, the same Gran-Gran that pulled our butts out of the fire when my Mom almost flipped out on us three weeks ago."
Thalia fought back the shiver that tried to go up her spine. She'd only seen Artemis so incensed once before, and that was during the spat she witnessed between the goddess and Zeus. It took both Whiskers and Thalia an entire day of negotiating, pleading, and arguing with Artemis to show her son leniency for something that had been out of his hands, and that only came after they received Leto's help. She couldn't imagine how she'd keep Artemis from locking Whiskers away in some forest halfway across the country or turning him into a rabbit or something. Come to think of it, where had he lived before he came back to New York? Colorado, right? Did she ever see his place? Thoughts for later, Whiskers was talking again.
"Aside from that, it's the most practical thing I own. It can shift between long sleeves and short. Heck, it can become an A-shirt–" Thalia felt the sudden urge to have him prove it, to indulge some inner desires she wanted to deny existed in regards to his tattooed arm, but quashed the thought immediately since they were in public and could be subjugated to unwanted godly intervention if they weren't careful. "–So that I'm not running through the woods too hot or too cold. Best of all, I haven't had to wash it once since I've gotten it, and it doesn't smell."
Okay, his point was made. It was a nifty shirt. She got that, but still...
"Two more, and I get to pick another for you at Christmas."
"...Fine." He sighed. Thalia's smirk became one of victory, before it fell as she started looking through jackets again. Her eyes flicked to the cashier that was glancing in their direction and whispered something to her coworker. She listened for a second, and her eyes narrowed as they began speaking of something related to baked yeast. She was well aware where their attention was going and glanced back at Whiskers, who was likely oblivious of their unwarranted conversation about his person, given that he had his back to them while he rustled through more clothes.
That's why she wanted him to wear different shirts. She wanted to be the only one to see him in his favorite one. It outlined everything concealed underneath it to perfection.
It sure does! Leto does good work when she puts her mind to it.
Thalia froze, her hand on a leather jacket that looked like it might've belonged to Joan Jett at some point in time. That voice hadn't bothered her in weeks. Why now? Here? While she was in public?!
Thalia Grace, did you really think I'd stop watching after my plans were nearly sabotaged by my own ichor? Aphrodite scoffed. And I'd been so generous to just watch, too.
"A girl could dream." She grumbled, quickly sending ambient static through the rack. A girl on the other side yelped and shook her hand. Whoops. She ignored the heat she felt after accidentally shocking someone. Thankfully, it was a low grade static shock and not something more serious.
And dream you have! The goddess tittered. So, tell me, does he wear boxers or briefs?
"We're not having this conversation."
Please, I can always just find out by myself. The thought of Aphrodite coming after her boyfriend almost cost the store a very high electric bill. The lights flickered before Thalia managed to reign her emotions in. What's the harm in a little bit of girl talk?
"My sanity."
You know you could talk in your mind to not look crazy. If it helps. Aphrodite hummed. Oh, but maybe he's into that. Given his favorite superhero and all.
Thalia blinked. Hold on. Did Aphrodite just…?
Did you just admit to knowing about superheroes?
Um, doy? Aphrodite snorted. They're modern myths, of course I'm keeping an eye on them. Most of us are. Honestly, I'm waiting for the day someone has an athletically and academically gifted child named Peter Parker.
…Spider-Man? Seriously? Not Thalia's first guess at the goddess' targeted hero.
Do you know how much drama that dorky-hunk boy deals with?! It's phenomenal! And the arc with Gwen Stacy?! The goddess sighed. For that reason alone, every year I have at least one child with the initials M.J., just to ensure they're ripe and ready for him.
That was a terrifying implication and Thalia was not touching that. At all. Even if she had a thirty-foot pole at the ready. That line of thought was thankfully derailed by another pair of shirts landing on her head. She tore them away and frowned at her boyfriend, who had crossed his arms and stared back at her challengingly.
"Two more as requested."
Thalia looked at the shirts. One was another white shirt with the classic MTV logo splattered on it, and the other was a green shirt with a faded Mountain Dew embellishment. She glanced back at him.
"What's with the graphic T-shirts?"
"They should be cheap." He shrugged. Thalia gave him a flat stare.
"Grab something else."
"But you said-?"
She tossed the MTV shirt back at him.
"Put that back, grab one non-graphic shirt that isn't white."
"Fine." He groused. He caught the Mountain Dew shirt she threw back at him before walking further into the more male-oriented section. She heard him utter something to 'The Fox' again, but dismissed it as part of his quirky, weird mortal side.
Oh, but he looks so yummy in his fitted white shirt. Aphrodite sighed.
That's part of the problem. Thalia thought as she went back to her search for a new jacket. She came across a rip-off of a biker's leather jacket, and contemplated it. Then she checked the tag. Geez, that was way too many zeroes for a bunch of sewn leather. Maybe she could convince Whiskers to buy it for her?
I'm so proud of you, Thalia! Aphrodite's salacious smile was evident in her voice. Already manipulating your hunk to do things you want him to do. You've made me so happy.
What? N-No, I'm not! She practically threw the jacket back on the rack. It's my birthday! It'd be a gift!
Uh-huh, and picking out clothes for him to wear?
Variety! He's worn that shirt for, like, a year! Maybe longer! Even if it doesn't smell, that's kind of weird. Thalia argued, eyes lingering on another jacket similar to the one she used to own. More affordable, slightly scuffed…and too small. Figures.
And it has nothing to do with the fact that he's being pursued like the fine specimen of male that he is? Aphrodite asked. The daughter of Zeus could hear the smirk on her face.
He is not being pursued. Thalia scoffed, even as her eyes darted over to her boyfriend's last known location. He was looking at items on another shelf and seemed unmolested for the most part. Her eyes glanced around at some of the workers in the store.
The nearest was a guy near their age that looked a little like Mr. D, trying to fold pants and-Wait, a minute. Was...was that Pollux? Since when did he have a job? Why did he have a job? Thalia was under the impression that Pollux was a year rounder. Heck, she thought he would be kept at Camp especially after what happened to his brother Castor. Stunned as she was by the revelation that the only surviving member of Cabin Twelve was working in New York City over holiday break, she didn't register Whiskers had engaged with him until the portly demigod embraced him in a hug that looked way too personal for her liking.
Well, I have to admit, I didn't see that coming. Aphrodite mused. Typical. The only employee with them would be the one that had the balls to be so brazen.
Aphrodite? Do me a favor and shut up. Thalia huffed as she made her way over to the two blonds. She didn't think Pollux swung that way, but on the off-chance he did, she was going to get him to redirect his affections.
How do I get myself into these situations? Naruto wondered as he begrudgingly patted the sobbing blond teen that clung to him as if his life depended on it. He hadn't even said anything, really, just asked for advice on shirts. The boy, who's ID tag read "Paul X.", took a break from folding pants and then complimented his Moon Knight shirt. Apparently, his brother was also a fan of The One You See Coming. He thanked Paul for his help, gave Paul's brother a brief bit of praise, and expected that to be the end of it.
He hadn't expected Paul to start reminiscing over an argument he and his brother had before he burst into tears!
Probably because you're cursed. Like The Bitch before you. The Fox snorted. If Naruto could manage it, he'd be glaring at his shoulder right now. It had been a rhetorical question.
"I'm-I'm s-sorry." Paul sniffled as he pulled away and rubbed at his eyes. "He, um, my brother, that is, died in August. I've been um...struggling with him being..."
"Don't worry about it." Naruto wasn't about to hold the emotional outburst against this guy. He pursed his lips when the boy lifted his hand to rub at his eye again. A shift in the crowd had him spot something across the mall. Was it him, or was that guy in the tiger-striped shirt sitting at the Tropical Drinks smoothie shop across the way staring at Paul?
The approach of a familiar scent derailed that train of thought. Strange, there was suddenly an influx of ozone in the air—Ah, there was a faint underlying smell of thunderstorm dew. Weird, why was Thalia's scent accompanied by ozo–Oh, come on, he hadn't even done anything. Why was she mad at him now? He was looking for a stupid shirt, wasn't he?
"Pollux?" Naruto blinked at the inch-high jump Paul – or was it Pollux? – made when the daughter of Zeus walked over to them. "I didn't know you worked here."
"Th-Thalia!" Wow, that was some surprise. Huh, his cheeks looked a little flushed. Probably from crying. "Uh, yeah. Just, um, y'know, I figured I'd make some extra cash outside of Camp."
"That's cool. Didn't peg you as the type to work at Boiling Trend." Thalia mused. She glanced at Naruto, and took note of his mild perplexion. "Whiskers, this is Mr. D's son, Pollux. From Camp?"
"Mr. D's–Oh." Well, that explained why he looked flushed. His father was the God of Wine. Wait, didn't Dionysus have–? Ah, right. August.
"He...This guy knows about Camp?" Paul–Pollux blinked and sniffed once more. Naruto nodded and tucked his hands into his jacket.
"If I was allowed to go, I'd be in Cabin Eight."
"...O-Oh! You're–?" He scratched the back of his neck. "No offense, but after you went missing during that CTF game. We, uh, all kind of thought you died..."
"I get that. A lot."
"Too much." Thalia muttered, crossing her arms. He rolled his eyes.
"I always come back."
You're welcome. The Fox grunted. Naruto ignored it. Pollux jumped and looked around.
"Did you–Did you two hear that?"
"Hear what?" Thalia frowned. Her hand tucked into the pocket of her 'temporary' jacket – aka the jacket Aphrodite gave her last year – and grabbed onto her mace canister.
This one's a loon. The Fox snorted.
"There! There it is again!" Pollux whipped around, eyes looking at the ceiling. He lowered his voice and whispered to them. "I think there's something in the vents."
Naruto sniffed and looked up. He could smell shame, uncertainty, sweat and a lot of obnoxious body sprays from the deeper part of the men's section, but nothing that smelled too much like the Underworld. He exchanged a glance with Thalia and shook his head.
"Pollux, I think you're overreacting," she pulled her hand from her pocket and sighed into the other.
...Huh, you know, this might sound crazy, but I think he might be able to hear me. The Fox mused. Naruto blinked, pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes.
That's not possible. Even Mom can't hear you. Naruto refuted. Sure, Alf could for whatever reason and Uncle Fred had met it, but thus far Naruto was sure only he could hear The Fox when it spoke.
"No, no, I definitely heard something just now." The blond said, rubbing his ear. "It sounds like some kind of grumpy old dog that learned English."
Actually, I take it back. Naruto's lips quirked up into a micro-smirk. I think you might be onto something.
Old Dog!? The Fox snarled. Boy, you tell that oversized blob of a child that I am not a stupid mutt!
"Oh, just do it yourself!" Pollux snapped.
"Paul! Dude! Did you forget your meds again?" A tall, lanky guy with dyed black hair called over to them. The tag on his shirt read Shift Manager: Elliot.
"I, er, no, Elliot, sir. I, um…" Pollux gulped nervously. Clearly, this hadn't been his first outburst. Naruto felt kind of bad. It wasn't Pollux's fault that his 'Old Dog' was an annoying jerk.
The next time you need to regrow a trachea don't come crying to me. The Fox groused.
"Sorry, our bad. We're friends of Paul's from his Christain Youth Group." Naruto drawled as he threw his arm over Thalia's shoulders. She had turned to look at him as if he'd grown another head. "I'm Nate, this is Tonia. We were just reminiscing about a camping trip."
"Oh, well...try not to disturb the other customers, okay?" Elliot asked and turned to Pollux. "Paul, why don't you take your fifteen now? Go catch up, clear your system. Reset your sha-krahs."
Can I please eat this one? The Fox growled. Naruto bit the inside of his cheek in order to keep from breaking character.
"Er, yeah. Sure. Um...I'll, uh, ring them out first?" Pollux offered, looking at them. Naruto flashed him a grin like what his Uncle would do.
"Sure, sounds great, man!"
"Awesome." Elliot grinned back at them before 'discreetly' giving Pollux a wink and two thumbs up. Ah, he was the 'supportive' manager. A rare novelty.
At the cashier's desk, Naruto set the two shirts he'd already chosen down and looked at Thalia. She was still staring at him. He arched a brow, eyed at her empty hands, then met her gaze.
"You couldn't pick out a jacket?"
"They don't have one I like." She huffed after snapping out of her daze. Her eyes narrowed. "Whiskers, what the heck was that?"
"That would be "The Importance of Improv" from Drama 182."
"How many different classes did you take again?"
"A lot."
"That's vague and unhelpful."
"That's college. Critical thinking is the only thing it really teaches you," he mumbled and crossed his arms. "And even that is debatable."
"Ugh, and Annie wants me to throw money at that? Pass."
"What, you don't think you could be 'Doctor Thalia Grace'? Or 'Professor Thalia Grace'?"
"No." Thalia deadpanned. Naruto cracked a small smirk.
"Yeah, me either."
"Exact–What is that supposed to mean?" She scowled at him.
"What's the total, Paul?" Naruto asked, looking at the other demigod present and pointedly ignoring the glare that was boring into his head. It wasn't often he got the best of Thalia like that, but after being bossed around so much in the apartment and then at the store, he felt some petty payback was due. And it was sweet.
"Uh, fifty-nine, seventy-two." Pollux mumbled. Naruto stared at him.
"I've got two t-shirts here. You're telling me both of them are worth thirty bucks each?"
"They're good shirts."
"They're thinner than a garbage bag."
"It's the logo?"
"…Unbelievable." Naruto huffed and pulled out his wallet. He pulled out the required bills and slapped them down with a little more force than what was necessary. "Capitalism will be the end of humanity."
"Not until after next year," Pollux said sullenly.
"...Next year?" Naruto frowned. Thalia nudged him and he looked at her. Well, at least she wasn't glaring at him anymore.
"Percy's turning sixteen."
Right. Great Prophecy. End of Olympus and consequently the world. ...Unless Ragnarok doesn't happen. Wait, would that mean the Norse would be in charge? Hm, that might actually be worse.
Look at the bright side, we'd get to fight that annoying hammer girl again. What's-her-face, the one that called you a Kitten, tried to decapitate you several dozen times, skewer you a few hundred more, and laughed when our Ramen was poisoned. The Fox pointed out, growling at the end. Pollux flinched and Naruto's eye twitched. Yes, mostly due to that last part, Thorsdottir was still near the top of his Hit List.
"...Tree Girl?"
"Yes, Whiskers?"
"We cannot let Olympus fall."
"I wasn't planning to?" Thalia blinked.
"Good. Glad we're on the same page." Naruto sighed and pocketed his meager twenty-eight cents in change before he took his bag. He looked at the jittery demigod behind the counter and sighed. "C'mon, Paul. You're not crazy. I need to tell you about something."
"That's ominous." Pollux muttered.
Oh, he doesn't know the half of it! The Fox snorted. Naruto rubbed at his eyes in an effort to stave off the small headache this day was causing.
"So, that was a waste of time." Thalia huffed as she and Whiskers walked back into her apartment. She all but tossed the 'loaner' across the room, not caring where it landed. She plopped down on the couch while Whiskers hung his coat and set his purchases on the counter. He went and grabbed the 'loaner' and hung it beside his coat before he came over and sat down beside her.
"Hey we got another demigod to back us up in the event of an emergency. Shame the trip was a waste of money, too. Now I'm out eighty bucks." He sighed. Thalia flushed, thinking of her rather pricey, but so delicious burger, and nudged him in the side.
"Oh, don't act like you're broke. Your Mom is Artemis–"
"Right, because she's so well known for living in luxury and civilization."
"Which means your uncle–"
"Revoked a lot of his monetary support after I decided to help three demigods double back through Pennsylvania. Then more after I decided to go work in Boston, which is where most of my now dwindling funds came from."
"...Wow, you really screwed yourself out of a good deal, Whiskers."
"Whatever. I was happier living in the woods."
Thalia wasn't sure how to take that. Whiskers must've picked up on it by the look on her face, because he quickly continued.
"Don't get me wrong, I like living with you, Tree Girl. Being with you, too, but..." Whiskers sighed and closed his eyes. "I miss Colorado. I miss Bruno, Charlie and the rest of the Pack. The fresh air and open space. Going for runs, hiking in the mountains, and hunting in the woods...Heck, I even miss scaring the crap out of Jeremy–"
"Jeremy?" Thalia blinked. She hadn't heard of a 'Jeremy'. The last Jeremy she knew was kind of a prick. Actually, last she heard about him, he was dating some girl from Midtown. Maybe she should reach out to them? …Nah, mortals were dumb. Whiskers was the exception to the rule.
"A... friend." His lips pulled up into a small, sad smile and his eyes cracked open to a sliver, locked on a spot on the ceiling. "He was probably one of the only tolerable boys I knew."
"Really? That's impressive." Thalia hummed. Whiskers definitely held girls in higher regard than those of his own gender. Demigods got more respect, if barely, than mortals from him, but that was mostly in part to how the older of the Letotides raised him. Something nagged at her. "What's with the past tense?"
"Lycaon turned him. Then sent him after me."
"Oh." Damn. Thalia couldn't imagine what that had to be like. Sure, she kicked Luke off of a cliff, but that was totally different than seeing a friend get turned into a monster and then having that monster sicced on you. "Did you–?"
"I cut his head off."
"Oh." What was Thalia supposed to say to that? "I'm...sorry?"
"S'not your fault." He shrugged. "Better that way. Hopefully, he's found some kind of peace."
"...Have you...Talked to anyone about it?"
"Asceplius when he was evaluating my mental state." Deep blue oceans met her eyes. "I told you I was bitten by Lycaon, right?"
"Yeah." Honestly, she'd kind of forgotten about that. Whiskers hadn't acted too differently to her. He was usually awake before she was, even if they went to bed at the same time, but that had been the case when they traveled together so long ago. He had a bit of a shorter temper, but the only time he'd displayed that in her presence was during their misunderstanding three weeks ago.
"Just making sure." He looked back at the ceiling. Well, that screamed abrupt subject shift if ever she heard it.
"Whiskers," Thalia began, shifting in her seat to frown at him directly. "You're not trying to hide something from me, are you?"
"...No?"
"You suck at lying." She crossed her arms and scowled at him. "Just spit it out."
"Thalia, I swear I'm not trying to hide something from you." Whiskers rubbed his face. "I just–I'm trying to get my thoughts in order."
"If you're going to lie to me, at least look me in the eye while you do it."
"I'm not–Argh." He dragged his hand down his face before he glowered at her. "Fine. I didn't get turned into a werewolf, obviously, but I didn't walk away without any side-effects either."
"What? Do you grow sharper teeth and get shaggier under a full moon?" Thalia smirked. The image that popped up in her head was a rather amusing one. "Am I going to have to get you a collar?"
She might do that as a joke. Kind of. Was it wrong that she liked the idea of labeling Whiskers as her property with a collar? Probably. Must be something she got from Zeus.
"No." Correction, based on that petulant response she's definitely doing that as a joke. "I can't sleep at night." Whiskers huffed at her, then scowled at the floor. He pinched the bridge of his nose and growled. "Well, that's not entirely true. I can, it's just harder. I wake up feeling restless, or I hear creaking, or I smell your arousal, or those freaking ghosts start bothering me!"
Oh, not this again. How many times did she have to tell him that–Hold on, what was that last part?
"My-My what?" Thalia didn't squeak, so much as she did feel the air get stuck in her throat. Maybe she swallowed a spider? Or a fly? A dust bunny? Regardless, it wasn't an embarrassed squeak and if Whiskers ever said otherwise, he was a filthy liar who lied.
"What?" He frowned at her.
"You…" She swallowed to wet her suddenly dry lips. "You said you can smell my...my…"
"Arousal." Whiskers blinked. How was he able to say that word with such a straight face?! He huffed and crossed his arms. "Yeah, I smell it all over the place. Which, I mean, makes sense. It's your home. It happens sometimes when you're sleeping, probably because of some dreams or something. It makes it very hard to not kiss or snuggle you when you smell like that."
Well, Thalia wouldn't be against that, per say, but that's-! He could smell–Wait. Did that mean-!
"So, um, when you asked about my, um, dreams three days ago–?" She did her best to not think about the dream she had on December 18th. Really, she did. The night prior, Whiskers made her an amazing Italian dinner with some instructions he got from Leto. The dream turned that great dinner date into something more...well, something that only the 'Almighty Libido' could imagine.
"Oh, yeah. It was really strong three days ago." Whiskers nodded. He tilted his head. "...Come to think of it, you never answered that question. And you used up the laundry detergent the next day when you were cleaning your sheets. Why'd you do that? That stuff is expensive."
Well, yeah. She woke up with stained sheets...Given the dreams she had, she was a little surprised she hadn't been completely drenched. They were very, very vivid–And she was staring at Whisker's chest. Fire erupted in her face, up the back of her neck, over the crests of her ears and spread down through her body.
Oh, di immortales, this was so embarrassing. She fought the urge to curl up into a ball and hide. How was it she was getting so worked up when he wasn't even doing anything? Ugh, stupid divine sperm donor and his Almighty Libido!
"Hey, you ok–Ah." Whiskers winced apologetically. His nostrils flared and—Was-? Did he just-? "You're, uh...Sorry, Thalia."
No, come on, Whiskers. Don't look at her like that! And now he was hugging her–Was he trying to comfort her? No! Don't be sweet now! It was just going to make her A.L. even more difficult to reign in! Ugh, this could not get any worse, could it?
A bright flash of light and a serious warmth filled the room.
"Hey, Lil Nephew! Guess who's got two extra tickets to a family movie screening and approval from your not-so-nice, but reasonable mother to take you out on the town?" Apollo, grinning like a fool, stood in the center of the room, his eyes closed and two ticket stubs in his hand. A distraction?! Thalia would take it! He opened his eyes and they locked on them.
Apollo's jaw popped open and he stared.
Thalia frowned. Why was he staring? They were just sitting on the couch and Whiskers was hugging her. She paused and considered that thought. The implications of anyone seeing them in such a scenario rushed through her head. She paled.
Apollo was staring at them while they sat on the couch together and Whiskers was hugging her!
"Oh! I didn't realize I was intruding." He snapped his fingers and mood music started playing. How did he do that? Thalia didn't have a sound system — not for a lack of trying, but those things were expensive. A Super Eight camera appeared beside him and he sat down on a director's chair that came out of nowhere. "Pay me no mind. By all means, please. Continue."
"What do you want, Uncle Fred?" Whiskers asked, pulling his arm back and scowling at the god. Thalia was suddenly torn. While she didn't want Apollo to watch them while they did ...'couple-stuff' because that would ruin (what was probably) her already laughable reputation on Olympus, she did want Whiskers to put his arm back where it was and keep holding her like that. At least when he did that she didn't have to think about her dreams from December 18th.
Annnd now she's thinking about them again. Dammit.
"Right now? I want to know how long this," the god gestured between the two of them. "Has been going on!"
"There's nothing going on." Thalia grunted.
"Thalia Grace, please." Apollo sighed and snapped his fingers again, dismissing the camera, ending the music, and shifting his clothes to a semi-casual winter getup; a maroon sweater over a light blue shirt, khakis and loafers. He sat down on the ottoman across from them and grinned. "I'm the God of Truths. I see through all lies, so don't bother lying to me. Besides, I heavily encourage this!"
"You'd encourage me to join a hooker behind a dumpster." Whiskers drawled. Thalia felt her nails dig into her palms as her hands curled into tight fists. That was a very, very unpleasant and specific image that was conjured up in her head.
"Oh, come on. I'm not that bad." Apollo huffed. "I'd set you up in a Hilton's penthouse with the finest escorts along the Vegas strip. Oh, wait–!"
Why was he smirking like that? Well, given the context clues—Thalia's brain stalled. He didn't. Apollo wouldn't have actually—? ...Would he?
"I'll give you that they were ...very nice for their unfortunate choice in profession, but that's it." Whiskers sighed. He did. Thalia felt her left eye twitch. The god huffed and the mortal pinched the bridge of his nose. "Uncle Fred, you left me alone with four grown women in a hotel room in a city I'd never been to before! Did you not see the problems with that?!"
"Nope." The god shrugged and scowled at her boyfriend. "You still haven't thanked me yet, either. And here I was helping you live out every boy's dream!"
A brief crackle overcame Thalia's eyes as she glanced at the blond beside her. He didn't look impressed.
"Nothing happened. I wasn't even thirteen yet!" He hissed. She frowned. That was before they met. Was she allowed to be mad at him for something that might've happened before they met?
"That's a lie. Something happened!" Apollo grinned. Thalia's eyes narrowed at her boyfriend. He rolled his eyes.
"Nothing sexual happened." Whiskers clarified. Apollo jeered his disappointment and Thalia glared at the god with crossed arms for trying to stir up needless drama. It was a miracle Aphrodite hadn't chimed in yet. "They gave me a cake, watched me blow out the candles and wished me a happy birthday before they left."
…Well, that would explain his near overreaction to that dumb cashier in Scraton. And why he wouldn't look at her until after the "water balloon" fight. Still, that raised another question.
"You left a preteen alone with four prostitutes in a Vegas hotel?" She asked, looking at Apollo with a scrutinizing frown.
"Yeah. And?" The god of the sun looked genuinely confused by her annoyance.
Thalia was tempted to hit him with a dose of lightning, but smiting was still a thing. On the other hand, he tried to coerce four hookers to sleep with her then underage boyfriend. The urge to shock him was rising.
"Yeah, of course you don't see the problem with that." Whiskers pinched the bridge of his nose. "Uncle Fred–"
"Stop asking me what I want. You know what I want. I want to know when this," the god gestured at them again. "Happened!"
"December 1st."
"Thalia!" Whiskers gave her a pout that made him look like a kicked kitten. She squashed the urge to coddle and/or kiss his dumb face that should not affect her as much as it did. Once she'd successfully steeled herself against his adorableness, she gave him a flat stare in return.
"The sooner we tell him, the sooner he'll leave."
"Oh, I'm not leaving until I get details!" Apollo grinned. They both glared at him, but he ignored it. He folded his hands under his chin, his toothy grin was practically glowing. "So, how far have you gotten? First base? Second? I'm guessing that since one of you is related to Zeus you've gotten to second base, at least."
"We've kissed." Thalia admitted, scowling at his implication.
"...And?"
"That's it." Whiskers grunted, likely more annoyed with the questioning than with the answer he gave, unlike how most guys would be.
"...Oh my Me, you're serious." He looked crushed. Thalia relished it. She burned the image of Apollo's disappointed pout into her mind. It would be one of her most cherished memories.
"We're not in a rush to do anything like that."
Thalia shared a smile with Whiskers at his words. Sometimes her father's traits might disagree with that sentiment — December 18th — but generally going at their pace was fine by her. Still, she reached over and took his hand in hers. It wasn't as good as being hugged, but it appeased her least favorite inherited qualities for the time being.
"Kids these days–" Apollo grumbled petulantly. "You're always moving so slow! Don't you know that life as we know it could end come next August?!"
"That won't happen." Whiskers deadpanned.
"You don't know that! I don't know that! Anything could happen! And if anything could happen, then that means Olympus could crumble!" Apollo argued. "If Olympus crumbles, then it's open season for other pantheons! Do you want those sand crawling wannabes to run New York?!"
"Khonsu and his kin are stuck in the Du'at."
"...okay, point. But then there's the Nordic Numbnuts–!"
"I refuse to let that happen." Whiskers growled. Thalia was a little surprised by the sound, mildly more so by the flash of red that overtook his eyes. She rubbed her thumb on the back of Whiskers' hand. Tension seemed to fall out of his shoulders and she kept it up to calm him down.
"Oh thank Us, you get it." Apollo sighed. "But they're not all that's out there."
"It won't matter." Whiskers huffed and leveled the god with a look of utter annoyance. "Uncle Fred, don't you have things to do?"
"Oh, I've been rescheduling since I found you two canoodling on the couch."
"We weren't–!" Whiskers growled again, and he really had to stop doing that. It was stirring thoughts and feelings in Thalia she wasn't quite ready to face yet. His free hand clenched into his jean-covered thigh before it reached up and pinched the bridge of his nose while his eyes squeezed shut. "Uncle Fred, I am not in the mood for this right now."
"Hey, watch it, kiddo. I'm the–" Apollo paused and stared at him when an unnatural, otherworldly growl rumbled through the room. Whatever feelings had been building were squashed. Di immortales, what was that? The god's playful air fell away and a serious frown crossed his face. "Naruto, have you been taking your medicine?"
Medicine? Thalia looked at her boyfriend worriedly. His jaw flexed, but he kept an even stare with his uncle.
"Yes."
"Really?"
"Helios, Selene, Cthulhu, Primus—Yes!" Whiskers scowled. "I've been taking it every day since I got it—Aside from when I was indoctrinated."
"Okay, a few missed doses from three weeks ago shouldn't be affecting you so much. So why are you being so aggressive?"
"You're the one that showed up unprompted and uninvited. Then, you started grilling me and my girlfriend about our relationship!" Whiskers snarled at the god, the red in his eyes returning only briefly. "Last I checked, our personal lives weren't your business!"
"You're dating the daughter of Zeus! Hate to break it to you, kiddo, but once that gets out, it's gonna be every Olympian's business!" Apollo shot back. He crossed his arms and scoffed. "I can't believe Artemis is okay with letting you live with your girlfriend while you're being punished! Us, I'm surprised she's fine with Thalia even dating you given the history she and Zeus have."
Thalia exchanged another quick look with Whiskers, before looking back at Apollo. He was staring at them again. Thalia resisted the urge to squirm under it. She reminded herself that they weren't doing anything wrong and that she wasn't under interrogation. It did little to cease her misplaced feelings of guilt.
"She-She knows you're dating, right? ...Lil Nephew, you told your mother that you're dating a girl—that you're dating Thalia?! Right?!" At Whiskers' silence, Apollo dimmed significantly and grabbed his head, eyes wide with horror. "Oh my Me, she doesn't know?!"
"No." They grunted simultaneously. Eros' interference aside, neither of them were too eager to find out how Artemis was going to react to this development. They dreaded that discovery more than they did Zeus'. Granted, Thalia wasn't keen on the idea of her boyfriend suddenly being atomized by a blast from the Master Bolt, at least that would be a quick death. With Artemis, who could say?
"…I'm going to leave now." The god stood and brushed his pants off before leveling the both of them with a look. "For the record, I was never here, I have no idea this is going on, and if either of you say otherwise I will deny it until my dying breath."
"You're immortal." Thalia pointed out. He glanced at her, then looked back at Whiskers. An unnatural chill went up her spine when she realized he didn't agree with her.
"As annoyed with you as I am for all the crap you've pulled over the past year, I gotta say I'm proud of you Lil Nephew." Apollo grinned. Whiskers rolled his eyes. The god ignored it, twisted his hand, manifested a set of aviator sunglasses and slid them on. He pointed a glowing finger at the boy. "When she does find out, do not tell your mother that I knew about this before her. I'll keep my checkups monthly and give you notice before them. If you start to run low on your meds, call me. Got it?"
"Yes." Whiskers droned. Apollo scrutinized him for another minute before he grinned at Thalia.
"Great to see you again, Thalia. Congrats! And-" His eyes flashed brightly behind his sunglasses and for a moment the room felt sweltering. "Don't hurt my lil nephew. He's the only one I've got. Understand?"
The unspoken threat was received with a curt nod. She wasn't happy she'd gotten threatened, but she understood why. Whiskers was not a demigod, but as Artemis proved when she went off on Zeus earlier that month, he was her son and was loved as such. There was no doubt in her mind that Apollo, who was more open with his emotions than his twin and crowed his feelings to the world, would not hesitate to retaliate on the behalf of his twin and/or his only nephew. She didn't want to know how he'd react to any wrongdoing on her part, not that she ever planned to do anything of the sort.
"Great! Stay safe, kids!" He disappeared with a flare of heat and light. Thalia waited for the room temperature to drop before she looked at Whiskers again.
"So, when were you gonna tell me you had to take medicine every day? What's that about?"
"...This." He groaned as he rubbed his hand over his face. "This is why my mother and I don't like Uncle Fred."
AN: Well, it seems Apollo pulled an Apollo.
Is anyone really surprised?