AN: We now return to our previously scheduled time-slot. Enjoy.

Disclaimer: Don't own PJO or the Whiskered Warrior.

Lunar Phases

Misdemeanor

Trespassing.

It can be an act of absentmindedness or a deliberate display of arrogance. It was a relatively harmless crime, one would think. That thinker would be very, very wrong. What if it was done in a way that risked political backlash or sparked conflict? What if it was done in drunken stupor, in an effort to confront an offender with the backing of liquid courage? Unknowingly or not, in most cases, the crime truly isn't harmless. Trespassing is a minor offense, but that could always lead to bigger problems. Especially if it is done by those of deic persuasion.

December 23rd, 2008

Annabeth's words hung in the air. The questions and explanations took time, an hour had passed since the door was first answered, and breakfast had been finished for about ten minutes now. Naruto was in the midst of taking care of the dishes while Thalia remained seated and stared at the daughter of Athena, who patiently waited for her response. Unexpectedly, the daughter of Zeus shot down the suggestion with a scoff.

"Hate to break it to you Annie," she said. "But that's not happening."

"Thalia, how is being exposed like this any sort of a good idea?"

"It's probably not," Thalia admitted with a shrug. "But I have plenty of other reasons why I'm not going." She ticked off a finger on her hand. "First: my father's 'cabin' is a shrine. It's inhospitable. That alone is a reason not to stay there. Second: Whiskers can't go and I'm not leaving him to fend for himself."

"Not sure if I should be flattered or insulted." Naruto's murmur went either unheard or ignored as he scrubbed the pan he used to make their omelets. Annabeth bet it was likely the latter.

"Third, and most importantly: Hecate's magic could break through the boundary easier than Atlas could." Thalia crossed her arms again. "I'm in just as much danger here as I am there."

"We can protect you!"

The words slipped out before Annabeth could stop them. She knew how Thalia felt about being coddled, being protected. Every demigoddess their age, and a sparse few of those younger, did, but Thalia was the daughter of Zeus! The political ramifications of her existence rivaled the potential powerhouse she would be when the final conflict came.

Expectedly, Thalia glared at her.

"I don't need protection."

"Clearly." Annabeth made a point to look at the destroyed portion of the apartment. "You're doing just fine on your own."

"She's not on her own." Naruto interjected curtly as he closed the dishwasher and leaned against the counter. He crossed his arms when Annabeth frowned at him. "What? I'm not exactly a pushover, Annabeth."

"No offense, Naruto, but you're just one mortal." Not her best choice of words, but they were true nonetheless. She hadn't meant it as a personal dig, but as an assertion from her logical and rational mindset. Given that they were in the middle of a war, losing Thalia to assassins or bounty hunters would be a morale blow to the Camp that would be unsalvageable.

"Just one mortal, huh?" His words had gained a bitter tone. There was a flash of hurt that she regretted being the cause of, but he closed his eyes and let out a breath. He rubbed his face and sat down beside Thalia again. "Yeah, I guess that's fair."

Good, he understood that Annabeth hadn't meant it as a personal insult. She knew how capable Naruto was, but the fact of the matter is that Thalia's safety was something he couldn't guarantee. Granted, neither could Camp Half-Blood, but there was a better chance of her survival there than living in the heart of New York City. The truth behind her words had likely been the more abrasive and hurtful part of her statement, but then again it nearly always was. At least Naruto tended to be practical in his approach to things, so he picked up on the subliminal message her words carried.

His girlfriend, however, did not.

"No, it's not fine." Thalia's ire flowed through the room and the lights flickered. A subtle charge started to fill the air. "Annie, apologize."

"Thalia, are you being serious?" Annabeth blinked while Naruto groaned into his hand. "Tree Girl, no."

"Whiskers, yes." Thalia's gaze flicked to him before they locked with Annabeth's once more. "I'm dead serious. Apologize."

"Thalia, this is your life we're talking about!" Annabeth met her stare evenly, keeping her features schooled as best she could so as not to show how much the rebuttal affected her. Once she cleared the air, Thalia would see reason. One mortal, even if it was Naruto, was not a good form of protection nor was it worth the risk it put her in. She'd only said that as her friend, who cared.

"Annabeth," Thalia leaned forward and held her index and thumb up, barely a centimeter between them. "I am this close to kicking you out of my apartment. I'm not going to say it again: Apologize."

"Thalia." Naruto put a hand on her shoulder. She turned to glare at him and he held her gaze. He was not angry or annoyed, just firm. "Annabeth wasn't trying to imply anything. I am just one mortal and you are the daughter of Zeus."

"Yeah, his demigod." The scathing inflection Thalia put on the word was very concerning. "I'm not some helpless princess that needs protecting, Whiskers. We handled your dad yesterday, didn't we?"

"Sure. Handled." Naruto snorted and crossed his arms. "In case you forgot, you nearly died from asphyxiation and I got beaten to a pulp. Twice."

"Wait, all of that happened yesterday?" Annabeth asked, wide eyed. Her question was ignored, Thalia was too busy scowling at her boyfriend while he gave her a flat stare in return.

"The facts speak for themselves, Tree Girl." Naruto continued. "My father is on another level and he isn't even close to being the strongest member of the Titan's Army."

"Don't you think I know that?" Thalia hissed, her hand resting on the table balled into a fist. "I know we got thrashed, I know we almost died— yeah, I remember being choked and it was terrifying—but newsflash, Whiskers: we didn't die! We survived your father's ambush! Twice!"

"We won't always be so lucky!"

"Divine law prevents the gods from going after us directly and I don't know about you, but I'm pretty confident we can handle any monster or rogue demigod that comes after us next."

Naruto stared at her for a long moment before he pinched the bridge of his nose.

"You're missing the point..."

"Thalia," Annabeth took that as her cue to cut in. "We have to think about the repercussions that could affect the Camp if you—"

"Annie, unless the next words out of your mouth are 'I'm sorry, Naruto', I don't want to hear it!"

Annabeth jerked back as if slapped. Thalia leveled her with a harsh stare. She leveled a finger at the daughter of Athena.

"You both seem to think I don't understand what you meant. Well, I do!" The daughter of Zeus seethed. "I'm not an idiot, I know there's no way Whiskers and I living alone could match the safety that Camp has to offer."

"Then why—?"

"Annabeth Chase, I am not kidding. Be quiet or apologize." Thalia growled. Annabeth frowned and closed her mouth. She wanted to see where Thalia was going with this. The older demigod crossed her arms. "You want to know what I'm so upset about?! It's how quick you are to write him off as an acceptable loss!"

Annabeth blanched. She hadn't–Well, not out loud! In the grand scheme of things—no! She couldn't start thinking like that.

"I never–"

"You did, Annie! You weighed my life's value against Whiskers'!" Thalia started to tremble. "And that–that is not okay! And you!" She rounded on the boy in question once more. She clenched one hand at her side and pointed at him as her eyes began to spark. "Who are you to decide that I'm more important than you are, huh?! Last I checked, it wasn't me that Eros and Psyche lured out into a snowstorm! I'm not the one who got brainwashed by Hecate! And my dad didn't spend most of yesterday beating me to pulp because I was too stubborn to get out of his way!"

The air was thick with ozone and a snowstorm was starting to pick up outside, seeping into the room from the exposed holes in the wall. The lights flickered erratically and a fork that was left unattended shot into the ceiling courtesy of an electromagnetic pulse.

"Annabeth, you need to leave." Naruto mumbled while his eyes remained locked with Thalia's.

"What?!" Annabeth snapped a glare at him. "No way, Naruto. I'm not—"

A thin, green object slid across the island and she barely snatched it before it went over the edge. Andrew Jackson stared back at her from his place on the twenty dollar bill. She looked back at the owner and found a frigid glare leveled on her.

"Go for a walk. Buy some coffee, get some cocoa, whatever." Naruto narrowed his eyes before he looked back at the trembling Thalia, and arcs of electricity danced up her clenched arm. "My girlfriend and I need to have a conversation. Don't we, Thalia?"

"Damn right we do." A flash of lightning crashed after she spoke and the daughter of Zeus immediately clammed up.

Annabeth grimaced as the reason behind their words came to her. It had been so long that she didn't recognize the signs of Thalia's emotional threshold reaching their limit. Although, to be fair, she had only witnessed it twice. The first time was after Naruto joined up with her, Luke and Thalia, and Luke got zapped real bad while trying to protect her. He played it off as a joke while Naruto treated his burn. Thalia became withdrawn for a while after that, and the incident cost them a week's worth of travelling. The second time had been shortly after Thalia was revived and several campers were left with nasty scorch marks on their person. To this day, Annabeth didn't know what triggered it, only that Mr. D had left to make a report to Olympus afterwards.

So, quenching the urge to stay and observe, to understand this mysterious phenomena that Thalia exhibited, Annabeth left the apartment. She stood outside the door and gnawed on her lip before she pushed her ear against it.

Curse her inherited need to know.

Naruto waited for the door to click before he acted. Slowly, he stood from his stool and reached out for his girlfriend. Thalia didn't react, still glaring at him as her atmokinesis ran wild outside. He took hold of her wrist with one hand, then the other with his other hand, and gently guided her to her feet before he pulled her into a hug. Her arms wound around him and her face buried into the space where his shoulder met his collarbone.

"It's okay, Tree Girl." Naruto mumbled to her ear as he rubbed the back of her shoulder with one hand. "Let it out. It's just you and me."

"I almost died…You almost died." Thalia released in a hoarse voice as her nails dug into his back. She pressed her face into his shoulder. "Whiskers, w-we almost died! Again!"

"I know, Thalia. I know." He crooned to her, feeling his chest squeeze as his shirt became damp from the intruding storm that was responding to her emotions.

The sheer madness that was her eighteenth birthday must have finally sunk in. The compounding of being awoken to a fight for her life and nearly dying from asphyxiation was probably the trigger factor. (He could attest to both on their own not being fun scenarios to be in, but combine the two within the same day? He was surprised she lasted through the night without a nightmare. He had his fair share after some similar events in Boston.) The last time Naruto witnessed an episode this bad was right after his brief stint as Hecate's lackey. Then, with the concept of being in a relationship still so new to him, and he hadn't been sure how to handle it. He still wasn't entirely sure if this was the way he should, but she hadn't protested being held yet, so he kept holding her as she vented.

"Why?! Why has this been happening to us?!" The winter winds whipped into a frenzy as her rage expressed itself. "You're not a demigod and I'm not even the Child of Prophecy!"

"I don't know, Thalia. All that matters is that you're still here." Naruto pressed his lips into the side of her head briefly. His eyes squeezed shut as he remembered his father holding Thalia by her throat. The sight of her legs' flails slowing, of her eyes rolling up. The feeling of uselessness as his body recovered, and the fear...Naruto tightened his hug around her and fought back the growl that crept up his throat. "We're both still here."

"I don't know where I'd be without you." Thalia muttered to him. She sniffed as her arms tightened almost painfully around his still slightly sore sides. A shuddered breath broke through her lips before she smiled up at him. "I love you, Naruto."

The heavy pound of his heart rang in his ears, like a drum that drowned out the storm as the organ threatened to burst from his chest. He could count the amount of times she used his name on one hand and barely a majority of those times came after they first kissed. Every time she said his name, it only solidified how he felt about her. The lessons he grew up with would fly to the forefront of his mind and the concerns of his mother's reaction to their relationship would follow. It was a terrifying, exhilarating, alternating emotional whirlwind that almost drove him to madness.

This girl… Naruto thought as he pulled back and cupped Thalia's face with one hand. He craned his head down, melded his lips against hers, and relished in the spark of energy that raced through him as he did. She tasted a little saltier and spicier from their breakfast, and her scent, buried deep beneath the ozone in the air, was that of a wet dew after a forest's storm. With her scent so ingrained in his mind, he was able to notice it was accompanied by a sweet, almost sap-like maple. From the bacon in their omelet maybe? Not important, his lungs were starting to protest.

"I love you, too, Thalia." He whispered back to her after he broke the kiss. He looked her in the eyes as his thumb stroked her cheek. "So much that it scares me."

"I'm not going back to camp." Thalia's murmur broke over the din of the dying storm. She swallowed and looked away, her cheeks darkened, before she met his gaze again. "Not unless you can go, too."

"Okay." He smiled at her as a small gesture of reassurance. "We'll figure something out."

"Yeah." She sighed and rested her head on his shoulder once more. They enjoyed a moment of silence before she spoke again. "I'm not apologizing to Annie until she apologizes to you."

"Thalia." He groaned. "It wasn't personal–"

"It's the principle of the matter, Whiskers. You're her family just as much as I am, and weighing the lives of family against each other isn't right or something you can be indifferent about. That's what makes it personal."

"Alright, fine. I won't argue with you about this."

"Because I'm right."

"Sure." He hissed when she pinched the small of his back. "Was that necessary?"

"Yes." Her hands took hold of his face and she stared him in the eye. "You aren't an acceptable loss, Whiskers. Not to me."

"Thalia–"

"I'm sure your mom and Apollo would have their own opinion on the subject, too."

"Alright, you–"

"I'm not sure about the other Hunters, but Bianca would probably miss you."

"You've made your p–"

"And then there's Leto–"

"Okay, Tree Girl!" He chuckled and took hold of her hips to push her away. "I get it. This mortal won't go out of his way to die."

Does this mean I won't have to keep healing you every day? I'm all for that. The Fox mumbled. Naruto resisted the urge to roll his eyes at its comment. The Fox still must have understood the intent. I'm not joking, Boy. Do you know how utterly exhausting it is to rebuild the same ribcage in under twenty-four hours? Very. It's very exhausting. So do us all a favor and don't go looking for death.

Gee, thanks for caring, Fox.

Don't mention it. Really.

Naruto snorted.

"What's so funny?" Thalia asked, crossing her arms as she leaned against the island. He tapped his left shoulder.

"The Fox. It cares, too."

"See? Even your imaginary spirit animal agrees with me."

That's not what I–Wait, imaginary?! What does she mean imaginary?!

"Shut up." He rolled his eyes and made his way back towards the bathroom again. "Go make up with Annie and decide what you want to do today. I'm going to shower."

"Didn't you send her to get some food?" Thalia asked after him. He stopped and looked back at his girlfriend with a wry smirk.

"Name the last time she ever did what we told her when it wasn't a matter of life and death." Thalia barked out a laugh and he nodded before he resumed his trek to the bathroom. "Yeah, that's what I thought."

December 24th, 2008

As far as she could remember, Thalia hadn't ever really been big on Christmas.

Oh, she was sure that the first few she celebrated with That Woman were tolerable, two in total were the best she could recall, but then after The Unspeakable Thing happened, Christmas just never did it for her. She resolved to enjoy her birthdays…and then she became a tree. Last year, Artemis was kidnapped, rescued, her not-yet-boyfriend was banned from the camp he'd barely been to, and she was magically aged a year. Then there was this year. Needless to say, her eighteenth birthday absolutely sucked.

For one thing, her boyfriend's dad destroyed her apartment, and kicked her and her boyfriend's asses not once, but twice. Her pride was at its lowest, especially after she had to be saved by Hunters again. That was, what? Four times Artemis had indirectly saved her life?

There had better not be a fifth, Thalia thought sourly as she leaned against the banister overlooking the Rockefeller Center Ice Rink and the plethora of people utilizing it. It wasn't too high up and the view was pretty nice. The crowd out and about as the sun set was impressive, despite the upcoming holiday. She wondered how peaceful the lives of the masses were, how blissful ignorance truly was. Did they get into arguments with their own friends over their own safety as she had the day before? Did they reconcile over pizza and an offer to redesign the penthouse to have less windows?

Thalia wasn't sure (nor did she really care) whether the general masses had the same arguments she did. To her, all that mattered was that her apartment would be fixed and she would have less windows to worry about covering before the week was out. She and Annie spent the day looking at furniture and layout designs in several magazines while Whiskers took notes and prepped their snacks. When he went to get the pizza, Annie started interrogating her just how far they've gone, what it was like, when it started, etc. and so on. Thalia was extremely grateful when Whiskers came back upstairs with their pizza.

"What did those poor ice skaters do to deserve such an intense stare?"

As if beckoned by her thoughts, Thalia looked to her right to see her boyfriend approach.

"Nothing. Just thinking." She pushed off of the banister and took hold of his hand once he got close. "You got the tickets?"

"And the skates." Whiskers held up the bag containing their rentals with his other hand. "In ninety minutes, you'll get to see just how much I 'suck ice'."

"...The way you said that bothers me." Thalia pursed her lips. Her boyfriend cracked a small smile.

"Well, one of us spent a good portion of their life in the Northern Canadian wilderness while the other was a tree." She shot him a small scowl that he either didn't see (unlikely) or ignored (more likely). He continued, undeterred by her visual disapproval. "So maybe one of us should've considered that before they made a bet about skating skills that would determine tonight's dinner."

"We are not eating the leftovers from yesterday." The pizza they got wasn't terrible, but she wasn't a fan of reheated pizza. Pizza was like a burger, it should be eaten in one setting.

"We're not throwing it out. It's one day. You'll live."

"Win the bet first, Whiskers." Thalia huffed.

"Fine, I will. Maybe someday, I'll treat you to the reheated Mac and Cheese sandwich."

"You're a monster."

"I'm a survivor." Whiskers smirked as he led her down toward the skate rink's entrance. "C'mon, Tree Girl. We can go stand by the gate for a bit."

Thalia snorted and kept in pace with him as they walked. Around her, the sparse few mortals that were still out and about enjoying the dying daylight joked, laughed and wished wellness to each other while Christmas Music played over the intercom. It was very much not the stereotypical New Yorker experience, which made it all the more surreal. For the mortals, there was no war, there was no looming threat of Greek combat.

It was just life.

Whiskers stopped suddenly, which caused Thalia to do the same.

"What's up?" She asked, looking at him. His eyes were scanning the area and his nostrils flared.

"I swore I heard...Must've been my imagination." He shook his head before he looked at her with a shrug. "I thought I heard wings."

"Pigeons aren't due back for a few months, but there's still sparrows, cardinals and owls about," Thalia said with a small smirk. He opened his mouth to say something else, but snapped it shut and whipped his head around back to the edge. His nostrils flared once more and he turned to the crowd below them as a scream rang out. A scrawny man clad in dark clothes was sprinting for the stairs, away from a woman that was calling out for her purse's return. She was being helped to her feet by a young girl clad in armor, a few others were running after the thief.

"...Whiskers, are–were those...?" Thalia tried to comprehend what she saw and sought out confirmation from him.

"Yep." His jaw clenched and he pulled her with him. "C'mon. They're trespassing. I wanna know why."

"Took the words right out of my mouth." Thalia agreed as they ran after the girls and the thief. Titan Army on the horizon or no, Valkyries running amok in New York City was not okay. From the few stories her boyfriend shared of his time in Boston, she knew what they were capable of and she wasn't sure if the Greek Mist would conceal them, given Hecate's allegiance and the Colorado Incident.

They ran halfway up the block before Whiskers pulled her into an alleyway.

"Whiskers, they–!"

"He'll double back to the Rink. They always double back."

"How do you–?"

"Quebec had its own pickpocket problem."

He slid to a stop once they broke through on the opposite side of the alley, pulled his hand free from hers and gave her a look.

"Shield out, no spear. Stay behind the corner."

"This part of a plan?" Thalia asked as she summoned her Aegis and pressed herself against the wall, just in front of the dumpster.

"An idea." Whiskers adjusted his hold on the bag holding their skates, shifting them to the other hand. He twisted the handles before he started spinning the bag like it was a sling. His eyes narrowed when another yell rang out and he let the bag fly.

"...The heck is wrong with those –Oof!?" The pickpocket was winded, flipped through the air and slid down the iced sidewalk to a stop in front of Whiskers' feet. Her boyfriend grabbed first their bag, then the pickpocket's collar. He hauled the scrawny man to his feet and held him towards her.

"What the hell? Get offa me!"

"Shut it. Thalia, if you wouldn't mind?"

Oh, that was his plan.

"Hey, buddy. Check this out." Thalia showed her shield off to the mortal. The wounded criminal furrowed his brows before a look of horror crossed his face. He tried to look away, but Whiskers adjusted his left hand's grip and kept his head still. The criminal screamed incoherently for a good ten minutes before his eyes rolled into his head and he passed out.

"That took longer than I thought it would." Whiskers muttered. Thalia nodded her agreement. Guess the Mist couldn't decide what to show him, or he genuinely wasn't sure what he was seeing. A series of flapping wings made them look up. Whiskers dropped the crook to the ground and scowled as the Valkyries landed. His eyes flicked between the burly blonde girl and the scowling redhead before they fell on the smallest of the three.

"I'd welcome the visit if you weren't out of your jurisdiction, Samirah."

"Nice to see you again too, Naruto." The darker skinned Valkyrie smiled slightly. She coughed into her fist and nodded at the taller blonde beside her. Whiskers pointedly ignored the gesture until it was repeated twice more. Then he huffed and glared at the blonde.

"Thorsdottir."

"Huntersson."

Thalia wasn't positive, but it sounded like there was some tension between them. She wasn't sure if it was the good kind or not. She was going to go with it being the bad kind, if only because she didn't like the smile on this girl's face.

"You still draw breath."

"And you still can't handle one man."

"Watch it, Lifeguard!" The third, a redheaded girl that was thinner than Thorsdottir but taller than Samirah, sneered as she took a step forward. Thorsdottir held an arm out to keep her back.

"Am I supposed to know who you are, Valkyrie?" Whiskers asked as he crossed his arms. "Your faces blurred together after I made you all look like pulped grapes."

"Do not fall for his taunts, Margaret." Thorsdottir told the girl. She glared at Whiskers. "You embellish too much."

"You're right. So, Margie, which group did you fall under? Bisected, Bludgeoned, or Blown Up?"

Thalia had so many questions, but kept herself out of sight until one of the three did something that could be counted as a threat.

"I will have your head, Lifeguard!" Margaret sneered, taking another step forward and bringing out a sword.

Ah, there it was, the perceived threat, aka, Thalia's cue.

She pulled her mace canister out and depressed the top. Her spear came to life and lightning coiled around it. She thrust the tip out towards the Valkyrie's jaw and emerged from the alley.

"Back off, Warrior Queen Barbie." She glared at the girl, ignoring the axe that Samirah drew.

"...You must be the infamous Daughter of Zeus." Thorsdottir noted. Thalia arched a brow, which the burly girl took as a sign to continue. She did so with a smirk and crossed her beefy arms. "Your floundering battle against the Troll of Sky Lord Mountain was witnessed by one of my Valkyries."

"'Floundering'?" Thalia scowled. She did very well by Demigod standards, being that she didn't die nor had she just run away. She'd never heard of a Troll before let alone fought one. Plus, the snow made everything damp!

"At least the Greek's monsters keep to their territories." Whiskers cut in. He was glaring at Thorsdottir. "Why hadn't The Hunt been informed of a Troll's presence at Sky Lord Mountain?"

"We hadn't yet confirmed it was a Troll." Thorsdottir shrugged. She gave him a smile and it took all of Thalia's willpower not to chuck her shield at her face. "You saved us quite a hassle by sending it after that assassin, Huntersson. Ingenious, too, having him kill it for you."

"Yeah. That was all part of the plan." Whiskers grumbled. He glanced down at the purse-snatcher, before looking back up at her eyes. "So, what brings you after this unworthy target?"

"We cannot do a just deed when injustice happens?"

"I'd believe you if I didn't know you better."

Thalia didn't like that he knew her at all, but held her tongue and kept a glare leveled on the other Valkyries. Thorsdottir barked out a laugh.

"Glad to see your wit hasn't dulled since you quit." She scowled. "Aye, I'm not as glory-hounding as I was centuries ago. No, he was just an unlucky fool that caught our ire. Stole something from our current quarry."

"I thought Valkyries escorted the dead?" Thalia asked, glancing at her boyfriend from the corner of her eyes.

"They're also The One-Eyed All-Father's personal attack dogs."

"We prefer the term 'Assault Unit'."

"The difference being?" Whiskers sniped. Thorsdottir smirked and rested her hand on the hilt of her sheathed sword.

"Careful, Huntersson. I'd hate to make your wench jealous by flirting so blatantly in front of her."

"...Who uses the word 'wench'?" Thalia grumbled. Great, it was Zoë all over again. Only this one was interested in the opposite sex. Talk about nightmare fuel.

"When the word fits." Thorsdottir shrugged. Thalia felt her right eye twitch.

"I'd call you a bitch, but that'd be insulting to dogs," she retorted. Thorsdottir's smile turned coy.

"You've got a backbone. Surprised you weren't sought after for The Hunt or became an Amazon."

"Didn't meet the age requirement for the first and I never met the latter." Thalia sneered back.

"Ah. Well, perhaps you might want to consider–"

"Do not try to recruit my girlfriend, Gunilla." Whiskers growled.

"What? She's good stock, after all and we could use more talent." Thorsdottir, Gunilla, said, her smirk growing as Whiskers' growl became more pronounced. "Another child of lightning is always welcomed."

What? …Wait, Thorsdottir? As in, literally? She's the daughter of Thor? Thalia's eyes fell on the hammers on her armor. Oh, that makes sense. ...Hold on, her name is Gunilla? Gunilla the gorilla. Pfft, wait until Annie hears about this.

"If you're that worried about her, perhaps you'd be inclined to follow–"

"Not a chance in Hel." Whiskers deadpanned.

"Shame, I haven't had a good fight since you left." Gunilla Thorsdottir sighed. Thalia was not happy at the genuine disappointment in her voice. "No matter, I'll send a brochure."

"Good, we need the kindling." Thalia snarked. Convinced they avoided a conflict with the Nordic angels, she collapsed her spear and tucked the canister away. Aegis was dismissed once the other Valkyries sheathed their weapons and she crossed her arms. "Care to tell us who your 'quarry' is now that you're done failing at diverting the topic?"

"That is none of your business, you Greek–" Margaret started, sneering at her.

"It must be serious if you actually flew into Manhattan and haven't been reduced to atoms yet. There's a war brewing, and the King is not keen on outsiders." Whiskers mused, likely speaking from his experience with her dick of a deity dad. The Valkyries stiffened and he crossed his arms. "It's not a secret. So what? A search and relocation for one of yours?"

"We usually talk to the parents or those that know the old ways."

"Samirah!" Thorsdottir glared at the girl. She looked back at the older girl and shrugged.

"What? Like you want to stay here any longer? All we know is that this guy stole something from the demigod we're looking for. He's the last one who saw the child of Lord Tyr."

"It had to be Tyr, didn't it?" Whiskers muttered, his arms crossed. He pinched the bridge of his nose. His foot lashed out and kicked the stirring criminal in the jaw, knocking him back out. Then he looked up at the Valkyries and grunted. "We'll help you."

"What? Whiskers, what about–?" Thalia frowned at him, he looked at her somewhat apologetically.

"We'll toss the pizza and I'll get you something for dinner. Fresh. Your pick."

Thalia considered his offer before she nodded. Essentially, he was conceding the bet, which meant she won. That was acceptable to her. They could change their skate date into a dinner date. And maybe if there was time, they could skate a bit later, too.

"So, what did this guy steal?" she asked, looking back at the Valkyries while gesturing at the unconscious pickpocket. Thorsdottir knelt and patted the purse-snatcher down before pulling out an iron ring. It was small, slightly bent, and looked uncomfortable to wear. Thalia arched her eyebrow. "That's it?"

"Aye. Not very flashy or attractive as it is. But then, everything has its beautiful secrets within." Thorsdottir pinched the ring between her fingers in both hands and twisted the band. It clicked and then expanded out into a sword.

"Huh, that's cool." Thalia admitted. She sort of wanted one now. Wait a second. She turned to her boyfriend. "Whiskers, doesn't your axe turn into an earring?"

"Yes. Yes, it does." Whiskers grit his teeth. He rubbed his eyes. "Dammit. Just–Dammit. I was hoping Alf was wrong."

"Ah, yes. You're a Ward of Alfheim's king. Have you seen Lord Freyr recently?" Samirah asked. "He's ignored Odin's summons for a few weeks now."

"No." Whiskers grunted. Thalia heard the grind of his teeth and a low growl began to rumble from his throat. "I haven't."

"That's a shame." Gunilla mused before looking at the weapon in her hands. "This sword will glow the closer we get to its proper owner–"

"Spare us the Tolkien crap and just hand it over." Whiskers held his hand out with a huff. Gunilla arched a brow, but acquisited. He took the sword by the grip above the hilt, held the handle up to his nose and sniffed. He furrowed his brow and sneezed. "...Smells like...Artificial cherry. Plastic. ...And...Oh. Terrific."

"What?" Thalia asked as he handed the sword back to him.

"I recognize the perfume hanging off of this. There's not a lot of people who wear it in New York, but one woman I ran into while I was getting the pizza yesterday was doused in it." He grumbled after a sneeze. "The reason I took so long was because she was flirting with the girl behind the counter."

"And who is she?"

"She called herself Mrs Loptemoff." Whiskers pulled out his wallet and a card from that, which he handed to her. The name and address of the owner was embroidered in gold. "And she's a lawyer."

Gunilla Thorsdottir was not fond of the modern mortal world. Cities were too bright and their people were too rude. The food was greasy and the challenges of life in them were nearly nonexistent. New York City was the pinnacle of civilization, and for that it belonged to the Greco-Romans. They could keep it and all of its fallacies.

But I wouldn't mind taking this piece of Greek culture back with me. Gunilla mused as she walked behind Naruto Huntersson and his consort, Zeusdottir.

Her eyes drifted down the son of Artemis's form and watched the cake in front of her rise and fall. Well proportioned, toned and firm. Was she robbing the cradle? Maybe. It likely wouldn't be her first nor her last act of such theft, but she wouldn't be too disappointed if it was.

Now it was all about convincing him...Or claiming him upon his death.

"You're sure she was a lawyer? Maybe the card's for an accountant."

"Love the optimism, Thalia, but I know a lawyer when I smell one. Smells like rotten fruit."

Gunilla pursed her lips. The former was bound to be quite the challenge.

Death reaping, it is.

"Whiskers, you know we don't have to stick around for this."

"I know."

"So, why are we?"

"Aside from the fact they're listening to us whisper?" Naruto turned and sent a glare over his shoulder at Gunilla. She gave him a smirk in response. "I don't like having them run around our city unattended."

"We have approval to act on behalf of our pantheon." Samirah frowned. She was the one Valkyrie he tolerated the presence of, but the other two were told to return back to the extraction point. Much as she didn't like it, Gunilla gave the order to show good will and soothe any hard feelings.

"Yeah, no offense, but I still don't trust you."

"...This isn't about that noodle dish still is it?" Gunilla asked. The glare he leveled on her tripled in intensity and a thick miasma of hate seeped from his form. That was new.

"It wasn't." He growled, the sound sent a tremor through the air. Mm, that was also new. And very welcome.

"Di Immortales, you mocked the noodles?" Zeusdottir asked. Another growl ripped from Naruto's throat.

"She poisoned them."

"What?" Zeusdottir gaped.

"I fail to understand your welshing. You survived, didn't you?"

"I…How are you even still alive?" The Greek scowled at her. Gunilla merely grinned.

"I'm not."

"She's an Einherjar." Naruto explained through another growl. "She should be grateful for it. Otherwise I'd have her head thrice over now."

"Your mistake was that you never kept it." Gunilla smirked at him. "I still have your eye."

"That's messed up." Samirah mumbled. Gunilla sneered at her. The amount of cheek coming from the Lokispawn who was engaged and lied about her honorable duties.

"What?!" Zeusdottir rounded on her with another glare.

"The scar on his right eye? I did that." Gunilla boasted, puffing her larger chest out in pride. She smirked as Zeusdottir's eyes flickered with subtle but noticeable breast envy. Deciding to leave that as material to use later if a scuffle were to break out, the Captain of Valkyries continued. "I cut his eye out and kept it as a memento of the glorious fight."

"Correction, that's messed up."

Okay, she did not need the opinionated sass from the Lokispawn.

"You cut out his–!?"

"Drop it, Thalia."

"Whiskers–!"

"I already got her back by bisecting her skull. Just drop it." Naruto grumbled as he ascended the stoop to a brick building and sought out the buzzer. His finger scoured the buttons before he pressed the one he wanted.

"Office of Loptemoff and Cho. How can we help you today?"

"Want to write up a prenup. Heard you were affordable." Naruto said into the mic. Zeusdottir smacked his arm and he shrugged. The buzzer rang out and he opened the door.

"I can't believe that works." Zeusdottir shook her head as she walked in. Naruto shrugged and stepped in after her, holding the door long enough for Gunilla to catch it. Samirah caught it shortly after. The Greek demigod crossed her arms. "That's got to be some kind of safety violation."

"Uncle Fred's pointed it out hundreds of times in shows and movies," the son of Artemis said as they took the stairs up. "The mortal landlords are lazy and cheap."

"Gunilla." Samirah nodded at a hidden rune painted beside the nameplate of Loptemoff and Cho. Gunilla took note of Tyr's rune of sacrifice, Tiwaz, and frowned when she saw another beside it.

"Kenaz?" She muttered. "The rune of knowledge."

"Seems as Lord Tyr has gotten involved with a scholar," Samirah mused. Gunilla glanced at her and frowned.

"Or with someone who knew a lot about his sacrifice," she said. A niggling thought itched at the back of her head, something about the rune of knowledge bothered her yet she couldn't quite recall why. Bah, such needless concerns were meant for arcane practitioners and sages.

A rumbling growl started emanating from Huntersson as they drew up the stairs and got closer to the office door. The thick angry miasma started to fill the air once more.

"Whiskers, you okay?"

"Something smells rotten." He grumbled. Zeusdottir took his hand in her own, gently rolling her thumb over the back of his knuckles. The growl dwindled to a faint, low sound, until it was nearly imperceivable to the common folk.

Gunilla wouldn't lie, she was a bit envious of Zeusdottir. Memories of a betrayal that stung all too freshly flashed in her head before she banished them away. What was it about the child of Zeus that caught the eye of Huntersson? Just how tightly wound was their bond?

Not a priority, Captain. Gunilla told herself and shoved such thoughts to the back of her mind. Once they stood outside the door, Naruto — bearing a scowl that sent a shiver up Gunilla's spine — lifted his free hand and rapped his knuckles on it.

The door was opened by a lithe, thin woman wearing an royal blue skirt and white dress shirt. Atop her head was a crown of hair the same color of gold that rivaled Lady Sif's once luscious locks. Pale blue eyes gleaming with excitement washed over them, before landing on Samirah and her smile grew wider.

"My, my, my." The woman's voice was liquid silver. "What a merry band of heroes to stumble through my door."

AN: Question for you readers; does this story come off as Fantasy/Humor or Family/Humor? I keep flip-flopping between the two and can't settle.