Disclaimer: Don't own PJO or the Whiskered Warrior.

Lunar Phases

Chinese New Year

Journey to the West

One of the oldest stories in human history, it is presumed by mortals a fictional account of an actual journey taken by a monk, accompanied by atoning creatures of myth and legend. When asked by disciples or other gods if it was actually an accurate account, as not all things depicted in it could be confirmed by his existence alone, Sun Wukong would only smile secretively, and refuse a straight answer with infuriating deflections. His fellows, all firmly humble and strict followers of Buddha's lessons, reverse the questions back to the asker, prodding curious minds with questions that suggest meditation and self-reflection to find an answer. To this day, no one outside of what most pantheon called the 'Eastern Block' knows whether the account is embellished fact or total fiction.

December 25th, 2008

The holiday had started so nicely for one Minato Namikaze. The former Yondaime Hokage – former only because his village and people were lost to him – had enjoyed his morning meditation and the period he used to observe his son's day. Wasn't too thrilled about the end of the spat he saw between Naruto and the Goddess of the Moon, but he wasn't exactly in the best position to judge either.

And then he'd found a god spying on him.

Minato disliked spies.

Well, it was more that he had a distaste for the concept behind their existence than the profession itself. Spies were a necessary evil, but they were, in his experience, uncontrollable variables. Variables like that made things complicated. Complications gave him headaches bordering on migraines. Headaches like that stopped him from solving problems. Problems, like say, the eradication of his original universe and being thrust out of sync with time somewhere between fifteen and twenty years.

Minato only knew that because he was still under thirty while his teenage son was just shy of entering his twenties. The implications of the mathematical impossibility alone—! He was getting agitated thinking about it, and needed to meditate some more. However, in order to do that, he needed to hear this god's request out.

"A simple quid-pro-quo." Sun Wukong grinned as he began walking around Minato. Cold blue eyes followed the immortal's every step. "Help me find someone we've misplaced, and I'll help you find someone you misplaced. Possibly even help you master this…whatever sort of bastardized Sage art this is."

"Why can't you find this person yourself?" Minato asked, suspicion lacing his tone. He was grateful that the immortal was asking and not outright demanding, but he was still leery of accepting. It was too simple and sounded too easy. He needed to figure out Wukong's angle.

"Well, I could, but for one thing: I'm a god." Wukong rolled his hand in the air, willed an apple to appear in his palm and took a bite out of it before he continued around the partially chewed fruit. "And a Buddha. There are rules that I —" he took another bite from the apple and spoke around the partially chewed food with words laced with annoyance "—have to abide by to keep the latter true. Besides that, my time is very valuable." He swallowed the bite. "Not to mention, best used elsewhere. Alas, my superior tasked me with finding one of our most troublesome wayward strays." The next bite was more aggressive than the last and the immortal started to sound annoyed again. "Don't see why it's my problem the little upstart jumps about pantheons like a whore does her Johns. Fitting for a blood-sucking parasite, but the slight is still recognized."

"...Blood-sucking…?" Minato asked, his brow furrowed.

"Yes. We need your help finding a vampire. A jiangshi, to be precise." Wukong rolled his eyes and spoke as if he had expected Minato to be familiar with the term. Another silence spread between them. The Monkey King paused mid-chew, as the silence stretched on. He swallowed the bite in his mouth and pointed at the Hokage. "You-You do know what a vampire is, don't you?"

"Er...may I get some context?"

"…Buddha's Benevolence, you hail from before the era of Twilight? Golden opportunity!" The monkey god cackled and tossed the remains of his apple away. He clapped his hands together before he started pacing. "Where to begin? Where to—Ooh! I know! Tell me, Minato Namikaze, have you heard of a zombie?"

"A what?"

"Hm, guess that's too Haitian... How about Necromancy? Thralls? Reanimated corpses?"

"Vaguely, yes, and yes." Minato drawled, recalling the gossip some of the rebelling Olympians and demigods would mutter at Arashi's back. The then brainwashed hokage had done thorough research to understand the slights against him or that goddess. At the time, he planned to sit on the insults and get his revenge later, but now he didn't really care because…well, they weren't entirely wrong.

"Ah, good. That'll save us some time." Wukong smiled and threw an arm over his shoulders. "Now, picture a group of super ugly, very hairy bipedal undead monsters. Usually about the height of a human. Add in a severe ultraviolet light allergy, the reek of death without any decayed flesh, and then top it off with a big blood drinking fetish that is spread by a fatal STD. There, now you've got the basics of what makes a traditional, modern-day vampire."

"...O-kay…" Minato blinked as he absorbed the information. "Is that all?"

"Is that all? Oh, buddy, I got some schoolin for you!" The Monkey King laughed and extended his free hand out, conjuring an image in front of them of a pale young man with dark eyes and black hair. Minato blinked, the features were uncannily similar to a younger Fugaku Uchiha. "I call this strapping figure Uke-chan, he's going to be our example. Now, most cultures have their own versions, but my pantheon–er, my preferred pantheon has the jiangshi."

Uke-chan gained the uniform of a mandarin, sans hat. Minato blinked. The ceremonial robes were certainly impressive, and gleamed as if made by fine silk. He still didn't see what was so special about the image before him.

"Slap a tag on a corpse's head with a nice hat," Wukong said, and Uke-chan got said hat and tag, "And presto! My people's version of a walking bloodsucking corpse. A repurpose and recycle! Sounds like a good process, am I right?"

"I do admit, the hat is nice." Minato agreed.

"Right?! It's adorable."

"...You had a hand in their creation, didn't you?"

"A whisper here or there, but I didn't physically do anything." Wukong admitted with a shrug. He rolled his eyes at Minato's dubious stare. "Okay, so I managed to put a spin on some stuffy god of death's oh-so-specially crafted servant that might have caused a teeny, tiny, little uprising in the grand palace."

"...How tiny–"

"One walking deadman turned into sixteen-hundred."

"Th-That's not tiny." Minato gaped. He'd essentially created an undead army. A nearly immortal undead army…For some reason, Minato felt as if that was an important correlation to make. Weird.

"Agree to disagree." Wukong waved his hand and banished the image of Uke-chan back to wherever he originated from. He patted Minato on the shoulder. "So, now that you've gotten a crash course in Chinese Vampire Hunting–"

"G–What? That's hardly anything to go off of!" Minato refuted incredulously, moving away from the immortal. "You told me the origin of the monsters, not how to kill them. And furthermore, am I killing this one or finding it?!"

"Well, shoot." Wukong pouted. "You're one of those brainy and smart ones, aren't you?"

Minato felt like he was being jerked around, and not in a good way.

"What is it exactly that you want from me?" He asked with a scowl. Sun Wukong sighed and crossed his arms.

"Figures. I told the Fatso that we should've gone to the boy, he's got more experience at this than you do and he'd be more fun to mess with! But no-o-o. 'He's got enough problems', 'The father is at risk, too', 'Stop swinging from the chandelier'. I mean, really!" The Monkey King grumbled and then scowled at the mortal. "You just had to break free from enslavement and start searching for enlightenment, didn't you?"

"Sorry for preferring my individuality and spiritual health over being enslaved and used as a mindless tool for a delusional deity." Minato deadpanned.

"With such a meaningful apology, I guess I'll forgive you. This time." Wukong shrugged and smiled. He slipped an arm over the mortal's shoulders in a one-sided gesture of companionship. Or to appear as a sleazy salesman. Regardless, Minato tensed all the same when the god's other hand patted his chest. "All you have to do is keep watching your boy until my problem child shows up. Then swoop in and catch him. Or kill him. Whichever works."

Alarm spread through the Yondaime like a fire. He stared down the eyes of the Monkey King.

"Why would this Jiangshi go after my son?"

"They were once forcibly allied as the 'Fists' of that Moony-Loony Sandcrawler, Khonsu."

"...How did that–?"

There was so much context needed.

"This particular Jiangshi has a severe inferiority complex whenever it meets someone stronger than it. Yet, it thinks itself superior to mortals and can't comprehend them being stronger or as strong as it is. It tends to leave whatever pantheon it is associated with in search of greater power when faced with such mortals. Meeting your son, a thing I myself would like to accomplish soon, triggered both for some reason. The contradiction of complexes is...confusing it and its existence, so it's likely acting out in self-preservation." Wukong let his wisdom seep in before he shrugged and dispelled the tension in the air. "Or, more likely, this walking corpse has always been a crazy dingbat and we've only just now noticed."

"...ugh, hold on." Minato rubbed his temples. He was losing his grip on sage mode from how much his head was spinning due to the information dump. The fog was starting to come back.

"Ah, I unbalanced you. I apologize," Sun Wukong said, a sincere look of guilt on his face. He moved to stand in front of Minato and put a hand on either side of his head. He scowled. "Wow, she's certainly ballsy and rude. Go away, whore. The Kings are speaking."

The fog lifted and Minato let out a soft gasp as an influx of renewed natural energy flowed through his being. He blinked and looked at his hands. Something felt different. He looked at Sun Wukong, who looked immensely pleased with himself.

"What did you do?"

"I can't have you getting whisked away from my favor by that little torch-bearing wench of the moronic mountaineers," he said, starting to investigate his nails, grinning wildly as he did. "So I...intervened."

"What. Did. You. Do?"

"You're not taking this well. Relax. As long as you don't partake in any of the fruit or drink of the Tian, it'll pass."

"Please answer my question."

"Oh, calm yourself, kid." Sun Wukong scoffed. "It's not everyday a mortal becomes a god."

"...I...You…" Minato was flabbergasted. "What?!"

"Congrats are in order, you got a temp position. Enjoy it!" Wukong grinned and then leaned in. "Deal with the vampire, my God of War, and I will give peace to your troubled heart."

The god vanished with a monkey's cackle as Minato remained standing, dumbfounded.

He had a lot to process.

As he stalked through the farmland of Kansas for the second time, the pale skinned ghoul cursed his target's inability to remain in one place and the limits of his condition. The pinwheeled-eyed corpse looked up at the clouded sky. A wind blew through the air and a crack rang out as it tilted its head.

"...Is that right?" He asked around a frozen smile. His legs suddenly went stiff and he stopped mid-step. With a shaky hand, he dug around in a satchel at his hip before he drew something out and stuffed a slip of paper into his mouth. A strained gulp followed before he resumed his trek. He cracked his neck, and spoke again. "No matter. The Yankee's a stubborn one, sure, but he's slow. He always has been, even back then. But don't worry. I will find him and kill him before they can interfere."

A field of corn shifted to his right.

"No, no. They will all die eventually. First, I must kill The Yankee. It's long overdue." The undead man tittered to himself before he began to whistle Yankee Doodle and started to skip.

December 31st, 2008

New York City, along with the rest of the world, was alight with preparation for the new year. The annual ball-dropping event — which had to be a joke by some twisted god — was constructed the day prior. Gatherings and parties were in full swing up to eight hours before the New Year would arrive. Most hosts were more reasonable and started parties two or three hours earlier. One such party was happening in an apartment in the East Village, just off 13th street.

Thalia would admit that she preferred the neighborhood more than the clustered and overbearing towers of Downtown. She knew Whiskers likely felt the same, given how relaxed he appeared despite being surrounded by a bunch of rowdy celebrators in their crowded elevator. They got to their stop on the sixth floor and walked through the clean halls. As soon as the elevators shut, Whiskers' relaxed form shuddered.

"Those people are far too eager to drink." He grumbled, adjusting the grey cotton hood attached to the black faux leather jacket he wore. It had arrived the day after they saw Samirah and Amelia off — the little girl had been sad to leave, but a promise of an open invitation kept her appeased and Samirah gave the both of them her word that if help was needed, she would send for them — and supposedly, the jacket was a belated gift from Apollo.

Thalia had seen the wrapping paper, she doubted her boyfriend's 'Uncle Fred' would have used a bright gold wrapping that was riddled with Nordic designs. She didn't trust the thing, but Whiskers was adamant about not upsetting the one god that appeared to have his back, so she let it slide. That her boyfriend looked really good wearing it had no impact on her decision whatsoever. Honest.

"Well, it is something that only happens once a year." Thalia shrugged. Mortals' celebrations for the mundane was probably a coping mechanism to deal with just how dull their lives were now that they didn't have to struggle to survive. At least, that's how she saw it.

"Right." Whiskers snorted as they came up to the walnut door with a brass-crafted number twelve nailed into the center. A low bass thumped beyond the wall. They shared a grimace, neither cared much for the bassy club beat that dominated their age group's musical tastes, before he knocked on the apartment door with the back of his fist. As his hand lowered to his side, he looked at her again. "So, just because it's a holiday that excuses casual public debauchery?"

"It does if you ask Mr. D.," Thalia said with a smirk. Her boyfriend tilted his head in thought for a moment as someone came to the door and undid the latch.

"Point." He admitted and her smirk turned into a grin. His shoulders bounced as he shrugged. "Still think they should have higher standards–Hey, Pollux. Happy New Year."

"Naruto, hey! You made it!" The son of Dionysus had the door open and a grin on his face. Beyond him, more teens were chatting, drinking from red plastic cups. "Happy New Years, dude!"

Before either of them could say anything more, Whiskers was grabbed by the shoulder and pulled into the party.

Weird. Thalia wasn't used to being overlooked by her fellow demigods. Apparently, Whiskers was popular. Maybe. Or, more likely, he'd just been abducted in plain sight. Yes, that was more par for the course. With a resigned sigh, the daughter of Zeus walked into the apartment after them.

As soon as she managed to clear the hallway and enter the living room, her lip curled in disgust. Chris Brown belted out his corporately commissioned chorus into her ears via the expensive sound system. Could playing bad music at a party be considered assault? She could probably twist it so it was.

Thalia took a quick survey, trying to see if she recognized anyone else at this shindig. There were a few faces from Cabin Eleven and Cabin Four she recognized, but their names eluded her. The notable standouts that she did remember amounted to two counselors.

The first was Charles Beckendorf. The burly son of Hephaestus was hovering awkwardly at the threshold to the kitchen with a plastic red cup in his hand, his eyes fixated on the other side of the room. Thalia followed his gaze and – she really shouldn't have been surprised.

Silena Beauregard, the other counselor that stood out, was standing on the other side of the main room with her expected swarm of harpies — not the literal kind, thankfully. Her dark hair – she actually went without coloring it this year, that's shocking – curtained down her shoulder in a way that Thalia would never admit aloud being envious of. Her "bird's nest" was a hassle and a half.

Seriously? Beckendorf's gotta grow a set. Thalia internally sighed at the swooning, conflicted moron. Still, between talking to him and Silena...Thalia chose him. Partially because Beckendorf made for a good soundboard and had thick skin. The other reason was because Silena (appearance notwithstanding) was her mother's daughter. If the girl found out about Whiskers, she would hound Thalia about her now (yet again) missing boyfriend.

I have to get a magical chip on him. Thalia huffed. Or she could get him a tag for his joke collar that read 'if found please return to Thalia Grace'…actually that sounded like a fantastic idea. It made her feel warm on the inside, knowing that her boyfriend would be visibly marked as her – No, bad Almighty Libido! Down girl!

Shaking those thoughts from her head, Thalia walked over to her fellow camper and gave him a greeting only she could manage.

"Surprised to see you here, Beckendorf."

He jumped and actually tossed his drink.

"Whoa, geezu–Thalia!" Beckendorf gave her a scowl as she nimbly avoided being splashed by the thrown liquid. He looked down at the – judging by the whiff she got – beer that stained his already oil-smeared shirt. "Not cool."

"Jumpy much?" She sniped back with an arched eyebrow. He curled his lip.

"No."

"You suck at lying worse than Whiskers." Thalia muttered. He blinked.

"Who?"

"My boyfriend." Why was her face getting hot? Ah, yes, she hadn't ever said that aloud. It felt...nice to say that out loud.

"You have a boyfriend? You?" He gaped. That did not feel so nice. What in Hades was that supposed to mean? Thalia must've scowled at him, because Beckendorf quickly backtracked. "I mean, um, Whiskers? What, is he a-a Satyr or something?"

"No, no, let's get back to the incredulous reaction towards my relationship status."

"Really, let's just pretend I didn't–"

"Oh, no. I insist."

"…This." Beckendorf waved his hand at her, gesturing at her person with a vague wave. "This is why I'm surprised you have a boyfriend."

"You just gestured at all of me." Thalia deadpanned.

"Exactly." He awkwardly tried to cross his arms, but because he was unsure how to hold the cup and cross his arms, he ultimately let them drop to his side again. "You're kind of the walking definition of intense. Not like, a forge's heat kind of intense either. More like…'you're a very scary and intimidating person and you know it', intense."

"What's your point?" Thalia frowned, her hands balling into fists and pressing into her hips. He started looking everywhere but at her.

"Hostile, too."

The heck is that supposed to mean?! She's got half a mind to kick this kid's butt when he least expects it. It wouldn't be hard, he was a year rounder. …Right?

"You're a year-rounder, right?"

"I feel like it'd be best if I don't answer that." Beckendorf mumbled.

Coward.

"Charlie? I didn't think you'd–Oh! Hey, Thalia! Where've you been, girl?" Ah, and there was Silena coming to his rescue. Ugh, she almost sounded as peppy as her mother tended to be. Silena's crystal blue eyes darted between them. "And...why are you trying to kill Charlie with a glare?"

"I'm mingling." She defended herself.

"By trying to light him on fire with your eyes?"

"I'm new at it."

"She was just telling me about her boyfriend."

Thalia turned her head to look at Beckendorf, who had eyes for Silena only. His lips twitched and her eyes narrowed. That. Cheeky. Bastard. She could see him trying to hide his smirk!

"Boyfriend?!" Silena turned to her so fast that Thalia was worried her thin-as-a-twig neck might have snapped.

"By the gods, ye–! Wait…" Thalia scowled. "Why do you sound so surprised?"

"Well, you are kind of…" Silena gestured at her.

"Again, with the whole gesturing at all of me." Thalia grumbled. It was a vague attempt at saying something unpleasant. If they just stoned up and said it, she'd be better off. They weren't and now her mind was racing with multiple possible insults and that pissed her off.

Stupid inherited paranoia.

"Intense?" Beckendorf offered, using the same word that he'd yet to explain. That wasn't even an adjective!

"Yes! Thank you, Charlie." Silena nodded, smiling beautifully at him before giving Thalia a more reserved smile. "You're an intense person, Thalia. It's not bad, just...Well, it usually scares off anyone who is looking."

"Yeah, well," she absolutely did not pout at the description, despite whatever Silena may later insist. "Whiskers doesn't seem to mind."

"Whiskers?" Silena blinked.

"Weird, right? That's the name of a Satyr or something." Beckendorf mumbled. Thalia glared at him again.

"He's not a Satyr!" she huffed. He held his hands up defensively. As if that would save him. She crossed her arms and glowered (not pouted!) at the two, ignoring her discomfort that didn't exist. "He's...He's like Percy's friend. Red."

"That ginger girl that Annabeth feels threatened by?" Silena's smile grew as if she'd stumbled across top tier gossip. Thalia arched her brow, a bit surprised at the apt correlation. Was Annie really that obvious? …Probably, the poor thing. Oh, wait she was asked a question, better answer before it looks like she was deflecting.

"Yep."

"...Who?" Beckendorf frowned. Silena patted his arm.

"Don't worry about it, Charlie. It's camp gossip." Beckendorf's attention visibly waned, but snapped back into focus when Silena held her cup out to him. "Hey, can you get me a refill? And Thalia needs a cup, too."

"I really don't–" She tried to refuse.

"Sure. I need a new cup after she spilled my last one anyway." Beckendorf cut her off. Thalia was half-tempted to gouge a hole into his head as he all-too-happily took the cup from her hands and fled into the kitchen for refills. Before Thalia could think of a threat to send his way, Silena took her arms and pulled her further into the main room, and her ears were assaulted anew as Rihanna started howling over some guy.

"I thought Annabeth and Percy's budding triangle was the dish of the year, but I never expected you to have a boyfriend!" The counselor of Cabin Ten gushed. "So, come on. Spill!"

"Didn't you hear Beckendorf? I did that already." Thalia grumbled, feeling heat rise to her face again.

"Not to me, so please stop stalling! What's his name? And not that adorable pet name for him, but I want details on that, too." Silena grinned salaciously at her. "Is that why you didn't pop in when the winter started?"

"Are you going to let go of my arms anytime soon?"

"You'll run. You're a runner. So, no."

Thalia was mildly annoyed by the accuracy in her statement. While she could just fry the daughter of Aphrodite and be done with it, she was feeling nice today. That Whiskers had strongly requested they not bring unwarranted attention unto themselves before they left their apartment to come over was completely unrelated. His stupid pouting kitten face needed to be outlawed, it just wasn't fair.

"His name is Naruto." Thalia muttered, the name still felt weird on her tongue. Silena's eyes flashed with distant recognition and the daughter of Zeus sighed before clarifying: "He was at camp with The Hunt last year."

"Last year? But…" Clarity came and hit Beauregard with a semi because she suddenly went ramrod straight and her grip tightened. A lot more than the daughter of Zeus thought she was capable of. Ow. "Y-You...You mean you and...But isn't he Artemis' son?!"

"Yes." Thalia felt her jaw flex. The Huntress was not one of her favorite Olympians at the moment. Mostly because of how she had flipped out at Whiskers, but that was definitely not something Beauregard needed to know. Last thing she needed was for Aphrodite to try and intervene on their behalf or something ridiculous.

"We all thought he was dead." Silena murmured thoughtfully.

"He gets that a lot." Thalia snorted in anything but amusement and made sure to make it sound purposefully unladylike.

"Okay, wow. Wow! I have to get the details on this now or my cabin will never forgive me. Have you kissed him? No, better yet, have you gone beyond that?" The gossip-hungry girl asked like a starving idiot. A gossip-starved idiot that was way too close to her face.

"First, two steps back." Thalia nudged the girl, who smiled sheepishly as she let go of her arms and took some steps back. She felt her face burn as she thought of the follow up question. Whiskers' wake ups had become somewhat the norm since he and his mother had their bout. She wasn't complaining, it was just...intense. (That was how the word was supposed to be used, Beckendorf!) That was private time that would not be shared. "Second, why would I tell you anything?"

"Because we're...Okay, well, I like to think we're friends at least." Silena admitted with another smile.

"Convenient." Thalia said dryly. "When you want something from me."

"Come on, Thalia. It's just some harmless gossip."

Hm, a bit odd that she put emphasis on 'harmless'. It made the hairs on her neck go up. Maybe it was a territorial thing? No matter, Thalia wasn't going to dignify that with a response.

"Okay, here. We'll make it fair." Silena glanced toward the kitchen, before looking back and leaned in conspiratorially. "I...I think I've got a crush on Charlie."

She smiled shyly and gave her an expectant look. Thalia didn't even blink.

"Whoopie for you."

"You are terrible at this." The daughter of love pouted at her as if she'd just killed a kitten.

"Whatever. Look, if you like him, great. Just woman up already and tell him. We're in the midst of a war and no one should have any regrets hanging over their heads." Thalia reminded her. Silena's pout turned into a frown. Her eyes flicked over Thalia's shoulders and her perfectly styled eyebrows rose up.

"Hey, so, your boyfriend...What's he look like?"

"Not like Beckendorf." Thalia immediately scowled. She didn't like discussing Whiskers' appearance with other girls. Especially if those girls were related to that damned goddess that kept bothering her during burger time. Admittedly, she was grateful that Aphrodite seemed so distracted to leave her be during the holidays. Thalia wasn't about to jinx it by voicing that however.

"Blond? Blue eyes? Whis-oh, I get the pet name now! That's so cute!" Silena cooed. The urge to break her perfectly smiling face was strong, but Thalia prided herself on her self-restraint. Oh, but how her fist would feel so empowered by it. In a way, it would be like punching her mother, but (and this was the deciding factor) it just would not be as satisfying.

"Yeah, that's him. Wait, do you see him?" Thalia asked, turning before the other demigod could speak. She found him and immediately froze in place. Another surge of that something she could only describe as psychopathic rage flooded through her bloodstream. Some tall, skinny, fat-chested, brown-haired, barely clothed hussy was cornering her boyfriend against a wall and her unwelcome hands were on his shoulders.

"Yeah..." Silena said lowly (Thalia barely heard her over the sound of her grinding teeth). "I was going to say that it looks like Janice Douglas is making a move on him."

"Where's the nearest, largest carpet?" Thalia asked, a dark glower clouding over her face. She clenched and unclenched her fists. Static raced up her arms and around her eyes.

"Um, why?" Her voice tinged with worry. She was a smart one, this child of Aphrodite. It was no wonder she was the counselor, age notwithstanding.

"We'll need to carry the body out somehow without drawing too much attention."

"...Ah, so you're that kind of girlfriend. Got it, I'll be sure to pass that along at camp."

Thalia had no idea what she was talking about, but if she didn't stop making comments like that, Janice Douglas wouldn't be taking her upcoming dirt nap alone.

"You aren't armed, right?" Silena then asked, almost stupidly.

"My can of mace is in my pocket." Of course she was armed, but honestly, it wasn't going to be her go-to. After all, she had lightning on her side. Her spear would make for a decent secondary weapon to eradicate this-this-this wench! (Thalia hated that the word fit so well. Gorilla Thorsdottir could never learn she'd used it. Even if it was only in her head.)

"Thalia, don't make a scene. This is Pollux's first party since...well, since August."

Castor. Right. Dammit.

"Besides, your boyfriend seems to be handling himself well."

What? No, he wasn't! Whiskers was borderline socially inept! What could he do against a mortal that wouldn't make a scene like Thalia going up and bashing that girl's skull in?!

Janice Douglas' shriek of outrage broke through the wails of Lady Gaga after Whiskers accidentally tossed a drink in her face. Or purposefully. Given that she knew him well, it was likely the latter.

"I told you that I have a girlfriend."

That's worth two, three kisses at best. Thalia noted to herself as she felt a warm fuzzy feeling bubble up inside her when he said it out loud. Alright, maybe a full makeout session later. …And extra 'cuddle' time.

"You freaking spaz!"

A clap of skin-on-skin collision rang out.

Thalia saw red, and the warm fuzzy feeling was replaced with a seething, unrelenting fury.

"...Thalia, no." Silena's surprising iron-like grip suddenly made a return. It kept her in place. For the moment. Still, she'd not shocked anyone in a few days. New streak, why break it?

"Silena, let go."

"I just said don't make a scene!"

"I'm only gonna kill her a little bit."

"She's already been humiliated and her reputation is destroyed!" Silena hissed.

"I want her actually destroyed!" Thalia hissed back, taking a few steps toward the girl screaming in her boyfriend's face. Ozone was saturating the air and her knuckles threatened to burst through her skin. She very well might have been sparking. That Silena continued to hold on either spoke volumes of her bravery or Thalia had really gotten better at restricting the voltage of her involuntary static.

"...Just wanted to have some fun at this lame party! God! Like, for real, dude?! Splashing me with beer?! Drenching my shirt?! Who do you think you are?!"

"I'm Pollux's friend." Whiskers scowled at the wench. "Remind me, who are you again?"

Silence answered him as Lady Gaga finally shut up. The next track skipped. The crowd stared.

Janice Douglas stormed off with one final outraged scream of self-entitlement.

A display of dominance via debate. Yep, that'll do it. A voice echoed in Thalia's head. She would later realize she'd never heard it before, that it wasn't the usual goddess who tormented her thoughts, but in the moment (foolishly) didn't dwell on its source. Even as it continued: You're definitely heading for third base tonight, if not gunning for the home plate. He deserves it. More so, you deserve it.

Thalia's subconscious mind agreed with the voice's sentiment. Because to her, that masterful performance, that social-life-destroying rejection her boyfriend just dished out? The loyalty he showed by doing so? That was hot.

"You just left Thalia out in the hallway." Naruto deadpanned as Pollux pulled him into the party. He grimaced as the slightly portly teen threw an arm over his shoulders and grinned at him, face flushed.

"Ah, whoops! I didn't see her." Pollux chuckled. Alcohol wafted off of his breath and Naruto was taken back to Independence Day. Jeremy, drunk out of his mind, breath reeking, still playing with the pack. That reminded him, he wanted to see little Charlie and Bruno again. Maybe if he–No, he had to let his mother cool off. Best not poke the bear, as his Uncle would say.

"Though, honestly, dude?" Pollux's sheepish chuckle brought him from his thoughts. "Your girlfriend scares me."

Well, yes, but that was who Thalia was: An intense, intimidating individual who didn't do things by half-measures. Sure, it was a bit off-putting if you only looked at her outward appearance–Ah, he meant literally.

"I can see that?" Naruto returned with as much understanding as he could manage. He struggled to break out of Pollux's one-armed hug and scowled. "Any reason I'm being hauled in by the host himself?"

"Ah-ha, yeah. Yeah there is. I helped you out with Christmas, right? Well, I need a wingman." Pollux grinned.

Naruto scowled.

"I hate this already."

"Dude, just chat up that girl there." Pollux pointed out a tall, buxom brunette with green eyes. She was dressed (if one could call it that) in tight clothes that were not weather appropriate and showed a lot of skin. Clearly she was either a child of Aphrodite or favored by her. "And while she's distracted, I'm gonna make my move on her friend."

"...What?"

"Look, that girl is way out of my league despite being just a mortal. Her friend, though, Stacy Matthews?" Pollux nodded at the ginger-haired girl with braces that laughed at something the leggy brunette said. He sighed in a way that made the son of Artemis wonder if he was okay. "Right up my alley. And twice as cute."

"I... don't feel comfortable with this." Naruto admitted. He wasn't keen on helping boys get into relationships with girls, be they friends of his or not. It went against everything he was taught. And yes, he knew how hypocritical that was, given that he was in a relationship. That was different though for one reason: Thalia started it.

"Ah, c'mon, man. We're not even going to kiss or anything. I just want to get some one-on-one time with Stacy." The son of Dionysus put both of his hands on Naruto's shoulders. He licked his lips and shook some of the inebriated haze off. "She's...We used to be friends. Before...Well, before I met dad. Castor was– He promised to...to help me reconnect."

Ah. So Naruto was the 'Plan B' in this situation. Well, he could live with that. However...

"Helping me find that jacket does not make us equal for this." Naruto quickly hissed.

"I'll owe you!"

"That's what I just said."

"Sweet." The big-boned blond beamed. He slipped behind Naruto and turned him towards the brunette. "Her name is Janice. Go make a friend."

Naruto was shoved forward before he could say anything. His shoulder bumped into a pale man with a white dress shirt. The other teen's drink spilled slightly.

"Sorry, my bad." He apologized. Pollux was so getting his ear chewed off later. Shoving him into other boys was not cool.

"Don't worry, I'll forgive you this time." The pale teen turned. He was a handsome guy, Naruto would admit, even if his dark hair was cut to resemble a duck's rear end. Sharp features and charcoal black eyes, no wonder he was surrounded by so many girls. His skin seemed a bit off color, and he flashed the son of Artemis a smile that made his stomach try to swallow itself.

Be wary, Boy. The Fox suddenly rumbled. This one feels...familiar. Yet off.

The other teen continued to smile at him. It...honestly, it was a little creepy. Like he was trying to stare into his soul.

"O-kay," Naruto said, side-stepping around the weird pasty-skinned boy. "I'm ...going to go now."

"Uh-huh. See you around...Yankee." The teen mumbled, disappearing toward the kitchen, likely to get another drink.

"Okay, that was weird." Naruto muttered to himself. He couldn't get a read on that guy at all. Anything you notice in particular?

No. He just felt familiar. Other than that? He's another useless meatsack. The Fox huffed. This place is too loud, don't bother me until this New Year passes.

Yeah, he wasn't in any hurry to do that.

Shaking his head, the Son of Artemis resumed his task. He engaged in conversation with Janice. She was pleasant enough, and lit up with a friendly grin when they met. Honestly, it was nice to talk to a normal mortal girl, and they hit it off rather pleasantly after he introduced himself. Conversation remained focused on her life, he wasn't surprised by it, given who she was likely favored by.

"Yeah, I got a Hummer for my birthday, which seems kind of like a waste for living in the city, and I don't drive it much because gas prices are, frankly, ridiculous."

"That's fair, I try not to drive as much myself for the same reason."

"And the legal minimum wage is a joke!"

"I've noticed most people our age don't have jobs because the pay is abysmal."

"I know right? God, it's nice to meet someone who gets it."

Naruto was happy to actually make a friend in this endeavor to help Pollux take the first step in establishing a relationship. It was turning out to be an alright request…Up until she tried to kiss him. She demanded an explanation when he pushed her away.

"I have a girlfriend."

"Yeah, but she's not here right now, is she?"

Helios, Selene, Cthulhu, Primus…Did every mortal take lessons on ethics with Uncle Fred?

"She is. We're just not glued at the hip."

"Okay, her loss. Up for a little fun then?"

"No. Really, you're a nice girl, Janice, so why don't you–" He tried to backtrack. His eyes drifted to Pollux, who had moved to the other side of the room where he reconnected with his friend Stacy. The traitor! He abandoned him to this?!

"Yeah, and you're nice, too." Her hands fell on his shoulders and she pushed him up against the wall. Her breath wafted up to his nostrils and he almost gagged.

Yelck, The Fox rumbled. This one's breath reeks.

It was not as bad as The Fox implied, just …freshly intoxicated.

It's so bad I woke up!

That would be due to the alcohol. Go back to sleep, Fox. I've got this. Naruto pushed Janice back, her hands slid down to his wrists and clamped on like vices. An-n-nd now she was feeling his arms up. That's not okay.

"Wow, you got some muscle here~" she purred.

The strong and familiar scent of ozone filled the air. Strange, that scent only came about whenever he did something to upset Thalia—Ah, well that's easily explained. She probably had eyes on him...and Janice's face was getting closer to his. The smell of ozone became thicker. That's really not good. He heard a faint crackle and his self-preservation kicked in.

Crapcrapcrap! Panicking, can't think! Quick, Naruto, use your instincts!

Violent retribution was immediately cast aside and his eyes flicked around. There was a cup set on the table beside his hip. It was about half full and dark liquid sat in it. Smelt like cheap beer. Naruto grabbed the cup and splashed Janice's face and shirt with its contents. He didn't register the action until it was done.

…Instincts bad.

"What the &*%$?!"

Ringing. Ears. Ringing! He swallowed back the high pitched whine that almost slipped out from the girl's shriek.

Baby. Thought you could handle it. The Fox grumbled.

Not now, please. Could you stop the ringing?

Wuss. The tinnitus, and The Fox, quieted in record time.

"I told you that I have a girlfriend," Naruto said, scowling at the girl. She sneered at him.

"So you decided to douse me in beer?!"

"Be grateful that's all I did for your unwanted advance. It's just beer. It'll wash off."

"You freakin' spaz!"

Then came the slap. It was well delivered. His cheek actually stung. Ow. Why did slaps hurt so much more than punches?!

Shock factor. Nerve clusters. Some variable combination of the two, noted the rational part of his mind. His rational mind needed to learn how to recognize rhetorical questions.

"Are you an idiot or just a dick?! I just wanted to have some fun at this lame party! God! Like, for real, dude?! Splashing me with beer?! Drenching my shirt?! Who do you think you are?!"

"I'm Pollux's friend." Naruto scowled. "Remind me, who are you again?"

Silence engulfed the air. The music stopped and the next track started to skip while the mob of teens stared at them. Her face redder than a firetruck, Janice stormed off with one final outraged scream of: "%$&*!"

Well, that seemed a bit excessive. Naruto set the now empty cup down and crossed his arms. He glanced at the eyes staring at him. His notched brow went up.

"What are you all staring at?"

Murmurs and whispers filled the crowd as they went back to their own small groups. To his relief, Pollux and the braces-wearing girl approached him. What was her name? Sammy? Sally? Sarah? Whatever, he'd hear it again–Stacy! That was it. Stacy. Ha! He remembered a name he'd only heard once, he was getting better at socializing.

"Dude…" Pollux blinked. He reached out and put a hand on his shoulder. "Do you know what you just did?"

"Get molested so that you and Stacy could have a private conversation? Also, hello Stacy. I'm Naruto, apparently a sacrificial lamb that Pollux likes to throw to the wolves." Naruto nodded at the girl. She blinked and fidgeted with her cup.

"S-Stacy Matthews."

"Pleasure."

"Naruto, my dude. You just rejected Janice Douglas. And splashed her face with beer."

"And?" He noted the awestruck look on Pollux's face. He shrugged the hand off of his shoulder. "She didn't respect my personal space. Although, I think she might have been drunk."

"N-No one's turned down Janice since she developed her boobs in fourth grade." Stacy mumbled. He snorted.

"Color me surprised that these are the glory years of her life."

"Mic drop." Stacy muttered. She looked at Pollux. "I should go make sure she doesn't start anything. Coffee on Tuesday?"

"S-Sure!" Pollux beamed and then winked at her. "It's a date."

Stacy giggled and pecked his cheek, jogging off to her terrible taste in friends. Pollux threw his arm around Naruto's shoulder. He stared after the bobbing head of red hair until it had vanished into the crowd. Then he looked at the whiskered blond.

"You, my man, rock."

"I fended off a drunken advance so that you could make a coffee date. I feel so empowered." Naruto deadpanned. The smell of ozone was still lingering in the air, but it was faint. He should probably find Thalia before she does something they might regret.

"No, seriously, dude. Thank you. I owe you. You name it, I've got you covered."

"Good. You can start by being the one to tell Thalia how and why that happened."

"...Oh, goodness me, I just remembered that I have to get a haircut in a few minutes." Pollux said, looking away from him. Naruto gave him a flat stare.

"Wow. Such loyalty. What a hero."

"Hey, I don't wanna hear it. Your girlfriend is scary." Pollux shivered. He lifted his cup to his lips and mumbled around it, "Can't believe I used to have a crush on her…"

Naruto blinked. He had no idea how to respond to that. Was he supposed to be jealous? Proud? He didn't really feel much of either. It wasn't like Pollux ever acted on it. Maybe indifference was the way to go.

"Ah, that hit the spot." Pollux sighed as he lowered the cup from his lips. He glanced at him. "You need a new drink?"

"...Yes, I - a young, hormonal mortal trained by members of The Hunt - should definitely get drunk at a party filled with equally hormonal mortals. That idea in no way can possibly backfire."

"Wow, you are the life of the party." Pollux muttered into his cup as he took another sip. He smacked his lips and guided Naruto toward the kitchen. "You gotta loosen up, man. It's a party. Sure, the Janice thing happened, but no one's gonna care. You don't even go to my school, so live a little! Hey, how was your Christmas, anyway?"

"S'alright." Naruto shrugged. He did his best not to think of the shouting match he shared with his mother nor of the little girl and her Valkyrie escort. He hoped they made it back to Boston safe and sound. His thoughts were derailed by a passing drunk teen, and he sneered at a rancorous group of teenage boys that were chanting at two fellows they circled. He looked back at Pollux. "Thalia loved the jacket, so again, thanks for the help with that. An...associate was visiting and she enjoyed what I got her. And Mom liked her gift–"

"Your mom was there?" Pollux blinked.

"Yeah." Naruto murmured quietly. He hadn't heard from her since their fight. Uncle Fred had reached out a couple of days ago, said he'd tried to talk some sense back into her, but that it would be a while before she reached out to him. Hopefully they could reconcile without having to wait for drastic measures to be taken.

"...That must have been nice."

"We kind of had an argument, so it wasn't that great." He grumbled. So much for not thinking about their fight. His mood lifted a little as he remembered the rest of the morning. The sundaes they made were delicious. "And then Uncle Fred showed up."

"...Uncle–Whoa, hold on, are you saying you spent Christmas with both–?!"

"My mother and my uncle?" Naruto cut in curtly. The last thing he needed was for a bunch of drunk teens to start asking him about their names. Especially after he caused such a scene…A few blonds that resembled a certain uncle he had were looking at him funny.

"Huh, that's…Oh, I guess that isn't against the rules, is it? Looks like being clear-sighted has its perks after all, huh?" Pollux joked. Naruto ignored the subtle stab of envy he felt in his gut and shrugged.

"Guess so."

"Er, excuse me."A deep voice said behind them.

"Su–Chuck!" Pollux grinned and lashed an arm out to hook it around the neck of a tall, built teen holding three cups that was trying to slip through. "What's up, dude! Are you enjoying the party?"

"...Not really my scene…"

Naruto sympathized.

"Ah, you had to get out of the garage some time. Besides, Silena's here." Pollux's eyebrows bounced knowingly. Naruto pinched the bridge of his nose as the taller teen, Chuck, grumbled something under his breath. Pollux paid it no mind. "C'mon, you've been mingling haven't ya? Tell me you've at least said hi to her."

"...I was about to bring her a drink…"

"Whoa! Look at you go, man!" Pollux grinned and looked at Naruto. "This guy! Lady-killer–Oh, um, but don't hurt him. He's not really."

"I understand sarcasm, Pollux." Naruto huffed in amusement.

"At least one of you does." Chuck grumbled, before he pulled himself out of the taller blond's grip. He gave Naruto a wary look and tried to smile apologetically. "Sorry about him. He's…"

"Like his father: an avid wine enthusiast in his spare time, I'm sure." Naruto drawled. Chuck stared at him and he shrugged. "Clear-sighted."

"...You must be Thalia's boyfriend."

"That depends."

"On?"

"How angry she is."

"She's not always angry?"

Naruto liked this guy. He got it.

"No, she's not." He looked at the cups. "One of those for her?"

"Yeah. Um, do you wanna–?"

"I'll give it to her, sure. Might be safer if I do." Naruto took one off of his hands. He noticed Chuck was staring at him. "What?"

"...Um, is Whiskers your actual name or–?"

"Who would ever name their kid that?" Naruto interjected with a look of disbelief on his face. Chuck shrugged.

"I'm a member of Cabin Nine. To us, anything is possible."

"...Nine? Really?" Naruto looked him over. That explained the smell of smoke, bronze and burnt wood, but that could've come from anywhere. "Huh, never would've guessed."

It was Chuck's turn to look confused.

"Ah, my manners as a host are atrocious!" Pollux threw a hand to his head in feigned distress before he gestured between the two. "Chuck, this is Naruto. He'd be in Cabin Eight if he wasn't banned. Naruto, this is Chuck Beckendorf. Nine's counselor."

"Charles." Chuck–Charles corrected him.

"Whatever, Chuck." Pollux rolled his eyes. "Hey, how long has the music been off? It's only supposed to stop twenty minutes before the Ball drops, and we've still got two hours to go."

"About five minutes."

"Crud. I'll be back." Pollux shuffled through the crowd to get back to the master sound system.

"He's certainly...chattier after a few cups." Naruto mused, getting a laugh from Charles.

"Yeah, it's nice." The son of Hephaestus smiled slightly. "So...uh…"

"Thalia?"

"Uh, sure. Yeah. Let's, uh, let's go find her." Charles nodded. Naruto gestured for him to lead and followed, allowing the taller boy to part the people for him. Within minutes, they were in the side lounge and Naruto spotted his girlfriend.

Thalia looked very unhappy. Not 'sad' unhappy, either, though he'd almost prefer that over the aura of anger that radiated off of her. He felt bad for the girl standing with her, and, though he didn't know who the model-esque girl talking to Thalia was, he felt respect for her for the same reason. It wasn't easy talking his girlfriend down from making a Class-Five Storm in the immediate vicinity.

"Hey, Tree Girl."

"Having fun, Whiskers?" She asked, a surly pout on her face as she turned to face him. The smell of ozone in the air was faint and dissipating.

"Oh, definitely." He deadpanned. He offered her the cup of beer and arched his notched brow once she took it. "You know me. Living it up as the party animal I always am. Although, I might have to put rejecting advances of drunk girls at the top of my hobbies' list."

"I knew there must've been something you got up to with your Uncle." She deadpanned in return before she took a sip. When she finished, they stared at each other. Both felt Charles' and the other girl's gazes on them. After a minute of silent staring both let out a snort soon after and let out a few laughs. She wrapped her arm around his side, he threw one over her shoulders, and she rested her head on his chest. "You should've decked that bitch instead of throwing a drink in her face."

"Even if she acted like a child of Aphrodite, I don't think Mom would like me punching moronic drunk girls in the face." Naruto drawled. He noticed Charles' face tighten and the model-esque girl rubbed her arm awkwardly. His eyes went down to the trembling shoulders of his girlfriend. "...Who's your friend?"

"Wh-Whiskers." Thalia snickered as she held a hand towards the girl. "That's Silena Beauregard."

Pretty girl, pretty name. Makes sense.

"Hi, I'm–" He held his hand out to the girl for a handshake, and Thalia chimed in again.

"She's the counselor of Cabin Ten."

"Oh." He blinked, his hand still extended, and looked at the girl as he understood her sudden awkward gesture. He shrugged and kept his hand extended. "For the record, I'm not sorry, nor do I think I'm wrong."

"I...Yeah, I didn't really expect you to do otherwise." Silena shrugged. She took his still offered hand and shook it. "But we're not all that bad–"

"I never thought you were, but don't tell me your mother doesn't favor that kind of behavior."

"...I have no way to argue that."

"Figured." Naruto nodded as his hand fell back to his side. He opened his mouth to say more and immediately shut his mouth with a click. Something had slipped into his back pocket and squeezed. He looked over his unoccupied shoulder, nothing. He looked down at his girlfriend. She glanced back up at him in challenge, before she looked away and took a drink from her cup.

Possessive girl, The Fox chuckled. Watch out, Boy. She may try to collar you.

"So– ahem, thanks Charlie," Silena smiled as Charles gave her her drink before looking at Naruto expectantly. "Thalia was just telling me how you two met before...well, before Douglas inadvertently soured my reputation along with hers."

Again, he couldn't answer due to an assault on his person. No, he did not jolt as visibly at the next squeeze. Even if it was done a little more forcefully. His eyes flicked down to the top of his girlfriend's head, brows furrowed together. What was she doing? Was this a power play or something? A signal? He didn't want to get into another fight with someone so soon.

"Ooh, I smell a good party story!" Pollux cheered as he shoved his way into the group, an extra cup in hand. He held it out to Naruto, who took it. If Thalia was up to make public shows of affection the way she was, he needed to calm his nerves. Pollux, Charles and Silena stared him down, with the host grinning expectantly. "So...what's the deets?"

"Okay, so seven...I mean, nine years ago–Stupid friggin sandcrawler–" Naruto grumbled as Thalia snickered again. "I was minding my own business–"

"Setting three dirty cops on fire."

"It was only one!" Naruto hissed at his girlfriend's interjection. He scowled at the owlish stares the other demigods were giving him. "Oh, what? They were child murderers on a kingpin's payroll. Tell me how that makes me the monster."

"W-Where was this?" Silena asked, a bit shaken by his admission. As most tended to be. Heck, even Annabeth needed a minute to absorb the brutal efficiency when he talked about it with her, since she was nearby, but hadn't known about it. The daughter of Athena had seen a lot while on the run, but his younger years of vigilantism were very dangerous.

"Pennsylvania." Naruto muttered, quashing another yelp when a third squeeze occurred. He took another sip of the cheap beer and braced himself for a night of Thalia's playful mockery and flirtatious insults. She was a handsy drunk, it would seem. Here he thought he'd already known everything about her.

Thankfully, after the dark start to his take on the night they met, Thalia lightened his side of it by telling them about Green Manor and the horrors Uncle Fred had put on one of his own kids. After that came more stories, from around the group, and copious more liters of beer was consumed. It was a good time, even after it ended.

The room spun before the clock struck midnight, and Naruto found himself using Thalia to make it back to their apartment as much as she was using him. Granted, she was a little more...enthusiastic about life than he was while intoxicated. He couldn't help but accept her offer to brighten up his view of life when she pulled him into their bedroom. The next morning, the next year, would come with the revelation they'd made a leap he'd not think himself capable of.

Strangely enough, Naruto couldn't bring himself to regret a second of it.

AN: Well. That's a development.

My sleep schedule is so whack right now.

First purple dinosaurs and now Gilbert Gottfried's ghost is haunting some children's cartoon about cyberspace.

...I should probably see a doctor.