Disclaimer: Don't own PJO or the Whiskered Warrior.

Lunar Phases

Broken

Infertile.

The word applies to all forms of life. Its meaning is straightforward: that which should produce life, but cannot. In all of time, never has there been a god accused of such an issue, but for many men and women among mortals they are all too familiar with it. Alternatives and solutions can and will exist with time, but when one's life is presumed to be the only one they are given, are these words enough to stave the feeling of ineptitude? Of meaninglessness? The answer, regrettably, is no.

January 23rd, 2009

Bianca wasn't too familiar with the phenomena known as demigod dreaming, the practice more obscure to her and something she was only aware of thanks to second hand accounts. As she shifted in her tent, her mind drew her elsewhere. She was in a shadowed corridor but felt as if she was part of the darkness. With that came a cost, her senses - keener than the average demigod's because of her patron's boon - were dulled significantly. Her sense of smell was diluted, nothing was given away. Her vision was dark and murky, everything was either black or pitch black. Her hearing was muffled save for a conversation between a man and a woman.

"You're sure this will work?"

"Do you not trust me to know my domain?"

"No, no, of course I do, love. It's just, well, given how upset Hecate is and since somehow her rank supersedes ours…"

The woman laughed and there was the telltale sound of lips parting. Ugh, gross.

"You worry too much, darling."

"I've been in both of their heads, whereas you've only experienced the boy's. I fear you overestimate your scheme, that's all."

"Fret not, love dove. This is an attack on the mind. Her fortitude is not as strong as his, and you know that his devotion will make him bend, which will further create his internal conflict and distract him from our more obvious ploys." The woman assured him with a small titter. "Besides, our generous benefactor has her latest pet out for the boy's blood."

"Really? Well isn't that—Wait. There. Do you see that?"

"Hm, what? …Oh!"

"Is that what I think it is?"

"I think so…"

Bianca felt her breath catch in her chest. She couldn't see their eyes, but she felt the weight of their gaze. It felt like she was being scolded by her patron. These were the gazes of gods.

"Oh ho, a spy in our midst? No matter, everything is already in place."

"I could, you know." The male made the sound of drawing a bowstring and then imitated hitting a target. Then he added a falsetto scream. Jerk, her screams weren't that high in pitch. Not that she did, had or would ever scream like that.

(Bianca would take the truth to her grave and into her next life.)

"No, it's fine. It's not like she knows anything important."

"If you're sure, my dear." She felt the male's gaze fall upon her again. "Run along, little Hunter. Run back to that blunt mistress of yours. For all the good it will do."

Bianca felt something push against her entire body and awoke in her tent. She tried to get her thoughts in order and scrambled to get to her lady's tent for an immediate report. Two demigods were being targeted by The Crooked One's forces, and Bianca had a bad feeling about this mysterious benefactor of theirs.

January 24th, 2009

Warmth.

Blue eyes cracked open, before closing once more. He'd awoken to the warmth, but refused to acknowledge it. To awaken and rise would ruin this moment. Besides, the sun chariot had yet to start its ride.

He took a deep breath, immediately filled with the scent of the forest's dew, fresh after a storm. His heart raced as his arms tightened, just slightly, around the figure nestled against him. It was female, he knew from certain attributes that pressed against him, their skin kept apart by the thin cloth they both wore. They'd gone to bed in the 'inverted spoon' position, but clearly they had shifted in their sleep, for now she nuzzled his chest as he held her while he laid on his back. He took another breath and pressed his nose down against the ebony locks that topped her head.

They should make a Stormy Dew, he thought sleepily.

"Whiskers…" she grumbled. Her head turned, the other cheek now pressed against his chest. "Stop sniffin' m' head."

"Stop smelling so good." He mumbled back. Instincts he couldn't ignore whilst still half-asleep screamed at him to appreciate her physically. He sniffed her hair once more before he began to nuzzle her.

"Nrgh." Thalia had long since given up trying to stop this ritual of his. Not that she'd put much effort into it to begin with. He had the sneaking suspicion she actually enjoyed being lavished with this sort of affection in the privacy of their bedroom. She sighed when he began to kiss her head and stroke her side. "Lucky yer cute."

Ha! He won that one. The smug smile that spread across his lips was unmistakable. Victory, thy name is Na–He yelped when she pinched his side.

"Stop thinking you won."

...Was she a mind reader now? That was a frightening concept—She pinched him again, this time lower on his hip. He yelped again, a bit higher in pitch.

"Didn't say stop the other stuff."

Too much pain and confusion jarred his higher mind into coherency.

Naruto blinked and lifted his head from the pillow. His eyes squinted, the second rightmost number on the clock was blurry, but looked almost like an upside down 'h'. He blinked a few times, pulled one of his arms from Thalia and slowly rose to rub his eye. His girlfriend came with him, clinging to him as if he were a pillow, but refused to fully wake as he did. Once he could make the numbers out clearly, he furrowed his brow.

"Four-fifteen."

"Mrh." Thalia pawed at his back and buried her face in his shoulder. "Too early. Back to sleep."

"You know I can't." Naruto mumbled, rubbing his face once more in mild aggravation. The damned Curse of Lycaon had left its mark upon him, despite being as diluted as it was by his medication. He would be up for the day now. He looked at the shorter form of the demigod clinging to him like a koala. "Tree Girl, I'm going to get up now."

"Nope. Lay down, Whiskers." He had a growl jump in his throat, but choked it down when she began to pepper his shoulder with kisses. Beneath the covers, she hooked a leg over his waist and shifted herself to lie atop him. His body reacted to the signals she was giving and he stopped rising from bed. Slowly, he was guided back down and he felt her smile form against his skin. "Good boy."

"Bad Thalia." He flicked her crown. She flinched and scowled. He snorted and looked at the ceiling. Things between them had only gotten more intense after New Years had come to a head. That night, they'd had too much alcohol in their systems and – A snarl ripped from his throat, his eyes locked on the head of the girl on his lap.

"Ow! Don't bite!"

"You started it." Thalia grumbled, her mouth still dangerously close to the collar bone she'd assaulted, as she started to roll her hips against his. Her lips moved up to his neck, and he tried not to think about the kisses that traced his jawline. Naruto had to smother another, deeper growl and ignore the uncomfortable pressure growing from his pelvis.

A temptress like no other, this girl.

"I really think it'd be best if I got my medi–"

"Stay." She urged, her voice like a siren's. Her ultimate play came into fruition as her lips molded against his. The want, the need, the desire, everything was expressed as they explored each other's mouth. He reciprocated, but still held back. It wasn't smart, wasn't safe, to do this without his medication in his system.

Or without the proper prophylactics.

His will and instincts battled as his girlfriend tried to entice the latter into dominance. His will emerged the stronger of the two, thankfully his most formidable trait, before he managed to disentangle their bodies and stand. Granted, he also hadn't broken the kiss, not until he was flat footed and she was left on their bed. Electric blue eyes, blurry from sleep, adorably glared at him after their kiss broke.

"Tease." She muttered as he cupped her face. He smirked at her as his thumb stroked her cheek.

"You know I shouldn't get so riled up before I get my meds, Tree Girl. And besides," he said with a shrug. "We have an appointment today that will make it easier, not to mention safer, for you to, erm, to get what you want."

"Ugh, I hate it when you're sensable." She pouted beautifully at him. He stole a kiss, chaste and quick, so as not to drive her or himself any further insane. Still...he couldn't resist a parting promise that might push her back to the edge.

"After the appointment, anything goes."

"A...Anything?" She was awake now. Hm, he'd have to remember that reaction. It'd make for a fun story down the line, he was sure.

"Anything."

"You swear?"

"Often in Norse, Alfish, and Elvish." He joked lamely. They were arguably the most entertaining languages to use for cursing, in his modest opinion. Greek was…it felt wrong to curse in Greek. Like it would summon the wrath of a thousand ear pinches. The horror.

"No, seriously, Whiskers." Thalia sat up on her knees and stared him in the eyes. It was hard to miss the gleam in them, of hopeful anticipation. "Anything goes?"

"Yes." He repeated, now a mite wary of the hunger that grew alongside the gleam in her gaze.

"Y...You mean, we could..?" Her eyes trailed down towards the tent in his pants. He fought back the fire that threatened to burn in his face as she beheld it like a prize to be claimed. She glanced back up at his face. "We could repeat New Years?"

"…If that's what you want." He mumbled, grateful for the dark early morning concealing that his face was now ablaze from the memory of that event.

On New Year's Eve, after retiring from Pollux's party, they'd gotten much closer to one another. They managed to make it home slightly intoxicated and some playful banter led to them taking a large alcohol-influenced step before he was ready to take whilst sober. The first day of the new year was spent talking, and the week after was used to decide how to proceed. They'd crossed a line and skipped a few steps that more traditional relationships were founded on. Thalia had to remind him multiple times that it was consensual on both their ends. Once it sank in that she was content with the development, he suggested they try it again and she, to his surprise, agreed.

After a more sober and less drunkenly awkward dance, he decided that coitus with a consenting lover was not as bad as the horrors his mother made it out to be. He shared these feelings the next morning. It was in the night after that discussion that he'd discovered he'd unleashed a monster unto the world.

Or rather, unto himself.

For the life of him, he didn't know how Hera managed to not unleash the loins of Zeus upon mortals, because Thalia was insatiable. Essentially, for the past month since New Years— at her insistence and his half-hearted dismay (which lessened further each time they indulged) — they took to exploring this new phase of their relationship quite vigorously. It wasn't a daily occurrence — praise Olympus for small mercies — but over the past four weeks, they discovered a lot about each other's bodies, carnal appetites and base desires.

He, more than most other boys his age, was well aware of the problems that could arise if the proper precautions weren't in place; a surprise pregnancy was among the least of his concerns, but it was on the list. Alas, Thalia had a certain part she enjoyed about their particularly dirty dance that she was adamant he perform. She greatly disliked the purpose of male prophylactics and made this known to him after the first few times they'd tried using them. Day after pills were too expensive for their lifestyle (strange how her mysterious benefactor 'George' didn't take that into account) and the generic brands were untrustworthy. While he was more than willing to go find a job, no one in the area was willing to hire him (he blamed that on the King's influence), nor did Thalia want him to sacrifice his free time for her 'Almighty Libido'. Well, more than he already did.

So, with them both acceptantly eager to pursue this new phase of their relationship in earnest, they sought an alternative. It was decided immediately — by her, oddly enough — that neither of them were allowed to mutilate their procreative capabilities. They stumbled across the solution to their problem during a routine check-up from Ascelpius – on an unrelated note, Naruto was positively thrilled to have the God of Medicine as a friendly relative; most doctors' egos pissed him off something fierce – and he offered to do the procedure pro-bono.

"Whatever you want, Tree Girl." Naruto nodded. Her eyes snapped back up from their wandering to meet his.

"Let me go shower!" She declared with far more enthusiasm than she had just moments before. He put a hand on her shoulder.

"Easy, Thalia. The appointment isn't for a few more hours–"

"Don't care! Getting ready!" She jerked out of his grip, twisted in the blankets, dove off of the bed...and half-crashed to the floor with a yelp. He winced as she groaned. Shamefully, while his girlfriend was recovering from her thoughtless enthusiasm, he admired the display of her rear's curves hidden beneath her checkered boxer briefs.

"You good?"

"Ugh." He gave her a second to recover her dignity and kept his features blank as she hopped to her feet. "I meant to do that."

"Of course." He nodded in understanding. She tossed the traitorous sheet onto the bed in annoyance and ducked into their bathroom. He counted to three and sighed when she poked her head back out.

"You're welcome to join me if you want." Her eager smirk certainly did wonders for his self-esteem. Her, er, appreciative glances made his blood flow a little bit everywhere. For all of her differences from her divine father, she really was a child of Zeus.

A sense of dread washed over him.

"I'll, uh, I'll go make breakfast."

"Coward." Thalia scowled at him. He gave her a flat stare in return.

"You want me to be alive for our 'revisit ' of New Years, don't you?"

"I let off static one time–"

"Every time. Every time you climax." He corrected her, crossing his arms. He could handle it generally, it wasn't as chaotically strong compared to when she was younger and inexperienced with her electrokinesis. "Forgive me if I don't want that to happen in the shower."

"It's not that bad…"

"For you? No, probably not." Naruto gave her a flat stare when she wiggled her brows. "No. Thalia, basic science one-oh-one: water conducts."

"You could wear the rubber–"

"That's a misnomer and even if it wasn't, it wouldn't solve anything." Naruto rubbed his face. "Just-just go shower. I'm going to cook breakfast. Then we can figure out how to spend the next–" he glanced at the clock. "–four hours."

"I know how we can spend four hours."

"Tree Girl," he sighed. Time for some honesty. "Look, the spirit is more than willing, but the body is not."

"Woman up, Whiskers."

"Shower! Go!" Naruto glared at her. She made a face at him before ducking back into the bathroom. He closed his eyes and sighed. "Selene, Helios, Cthulhu, Primus…

"You forgot a few!"

"I do not hear the water running!" He snapped back with a glower. The shower turned on and he stormed out of the room, grumbling various Vanir obscenities under his breath.

His mother gravely underestimated how equally perverse young women could be and utterly failed to prepare him for it.

Aphrodite was many things. Gorgeous, clever, manipulative and she could rock heels better than any other goddess of any pantheon. Really, she could. She'd had a competition once with other sex deities. Zeus wasn't thrilled, obviously, but he was placated when it came out that she emerged the victor of that challenge.

Another thing she was, contrary to popular belief, was patient. Yes, Aphrodite, the 'airheaded sex fiend of Olympus' (Artemis' very unimaginative nickname), was one of the most patient gods in existence. Having a fine touch in regards to the machinations in the thrill and tragedy of Love, one simply must be patient.

That is why she kept such a close eye on Thalia Grace at the start of the year prior. The feelings of mortal love could be fleeting, weak and insubstantial without her care, but the torch that Zeus' child carried for the adopted Son of Artemis was made of Greek Fire. It was ever burning, and burning strong.

It was such a delicious story, she couldn't help but play the role of Fairy Godmother to Zeus' latest little princess.

Granted, the 'will they, won't they' portion of this little drama dragged on a bit too long in Aphrodite's opinion. Thalia was more stubborn than she'd thought possible and the boy's sheer ineptitude in regards to all things related to her domain was appalling. Even if that could be blamed on his mother's influence, it was dangerously close to ending prematurely for her.

Then, the end of November came. Such, delicious, scrumptious, twists. The forced conflict between lovers-yet-to-be, revelations of a father still existing — she'd find that man eventually and she'd show him just how much she appreciated his part in bringing that fine boy about. Really, if not for Eros' role in the whole thing, she'd be gushing with him over it.

That reminds me. I need to make sure that I get Ares on board first before a confrontation between them happens, Aphrodite thought to herself as she adjusted her gifted girdle from her hideous husband and flipped through her Demigod Catalogue. Her fingers stopped on the picture of Thalia Grace and she smiled at the romantic achievements listed beneath it. Her firsts all pretty much had the same boy's name listed beside them and it made Aphrodite swell with pride. Another job well done and then some.

Artemis' precious son was well on the way from avoiding the horrors and isolation of chastity. Not to mention passing down those cutie genetics for her to make better use of down the line—Wait a moment.

Aphrodite looked at the list of firsts.

"First kiss, french kiss, first base…" Her finger paused. "Second base…? When did–Third? ..it-it's almost full...Oh. Oh, my."

Apparently, Thalia and her boytoy rang in the New Year in style.

Aphrodite's salacious smile was nearly face splitting. She'd have to remember to congratulate the girl later. First... she had to determine how she'd rub the news in Artemis' face? Casually in passing? At the next meeting? Hm, yes, that would probably be for the best. The dull arrowhead had been keeping herself scarce and it was part of the few times they saw her.

Oh, wait. If she revealed this revelation at a meeting, Zeus would learn that his demigoddess had been deflowered. He was quite picky about who was worthy of such things, feelings of his children be damned. And as far as Aphrodite was aware, Artemis' hunky not-so-little boy was still unfavored by The King. That could bring about complications. Messy ones.

"In passing it is." Aphrodite decided aloud with a smirk. She closed the book and sent it back to its secure pocket dimension. Once her hobby was set aside, she pushed an immaculate nail to her teeth, while her other arm crossed under her bosom, and she began to plot. She strolled from her temple, figuring the fresh Upper Air would help her scheme better. "Should I be coy with the delivery? Oh, but smug is so sexy."

Aphrodite wandered across Olympus, planning a method of 'attack' that Athena would be proud of — if she could get her helmeted head out of arithmetic for more than a second. Another she'd once thought a lost cause was on the cusp of being brought into proper goddess-hood. Athena just needed the right partner to broach such an issue—

Focus! Aphrodite chided herself. Her next attack on Athena's chastity would have to wait until this battle between herself and the childish prude was settled. Artemis hardly visited unless she was needed after her tiff with Zeus. That meant she would have to seek the doltish woodsgirl out.

Or...perhaps she could tell Apollo. Yes, there's an idea. The sunny god was incapable of not spilling a secret to his sister at the best of times. Letting him know this? He'll strut like a rooster at first, and then panic like the end times were here when the implications set in. He'll be walking on eggshells around Artemis. She'll sniff it out, he'll spill and her world will crash down all around her. The best part of it all? The goddess of love wouldn't have to waste a single smidge of energy in the process!

Life was good for Aphrodite.

"Flawless." The Lady of Doves smirked. She shot off for the god of the sun's palace, being sure to change her appearance to something more...summer related. A simple summer dress and the appearance of a buxom blonde bombshell was the best way to keep Apollo's ever shifting attention on her as she spoke. She ascended the stairs to the Sun Palace, yet to her surprise, she hadn't even rapped her knuckles on the doors when they opened.

"Oh. Aphrodite. Hello." Asceplius greeted with a nod as he stepped out. He was a pleasant and cute minor god that radiated the 'hunky nerd' vibe in a good way. He was a bit boring as far as lovers went for a goddess such as herself, preferring to focus on his domain left him a bit lacking as an immortal lover, but he kept his mortal loves pleased so that was something, she supposed. Even if those were few and far in between.

"Asceplius," she smiled at him and gave him a once over. Fitted suit and white coat, mm, she'd be up to play doctor if she wasn't in a hurry to get one over her rival. "I hardly see you anymore."

"Sadly, it seems our circles do not cross as much, Aphrodite." Asceplius bowed and checked his watch. "As pleasant as this meeting was, like all of our meetings have been, I am running a bit behind and have several important appointments today."

"Oh, does it require Apollo's assistance?" It was a known fact that Apollo generally needed Asceplius' help in regards to healing, but that was a moot point to bring up when it was because the minor god before her was far more focused on his domain than his sire could ever hope to be.

"No, I merely wanted to inform him of–" Asceplius suddenly went silent, and his features became stony. "I'm sorry, Aphrodite, but that falls under doctor-patient confidentiality. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go."

He adjusted his glasses and was gone without another word.

Aphrodite blinked.

That was...odd. Not that he ran. She'd sent minor gods running before, scared them after she proved too much of a goddess for them to handle in bed, but never had they run from her in the midst of a conversation. Very peculiar.

No matter. I can get to work. Aphrodite brushed off the odd interaction and walked up into the temple with purpose. Poking her head in past the threshold of territory that would get her in trouble with Hera if she breeched it unwelcomed, Aphrodite sought out her target and found him sitting at a desk with his head in his hands.

"Tartarus, why did it have to be that?" Apollo groaned under his breath. She arched her brow and cleared her throat. Apollo didn't react. She rolled her eyes and cleared it a bit louder. Again, no response. This was getting irksome.

"Ahem. Apollo!"

"Poor kid can't catch–Huh? Oh, hey! Fro-dite." Apollo pushed off of his desk and whipped out a smile faker than one of those modern glyphs the mortals liked to use. "C'mon in! What brings you around? You got an itch? I got a meeting in an hour, but I could help with that."

"When don't I?" Aphrodite teased as she walked fully into the temple proper. "But no, I come bearing good news!"

"Oh, that's awesome. I need some." Apollo grinned back, a glow returning to his features. A more genuine smile that did get her motor running.

"Take a wild guess at who did the deed on New Years~" She said with a cheshire smile. He blanched and dimmed.

"I don't need to know what kind of BDSM play you and Ares did this year. Last year was bad enough."

"No, no…" Ah, but saving her 'one-night power switch' card for New Years Eve was such a brilliant move. Aphrodite shook her head, her ever-changing curls switching from a dirty blonde to a chestnut brunette as she approached his desk. "No, I'm talking about a certain Thunderer's demigoddess and her hunky boy toy."

Apollo's grin faltered. What?

"...Oh, right. That."

What?

"You already know?" How was that possible?

"Of course I do, she's with my Lil Nephew. And I like to keep tabs on him after—Er, some family stuff happened. How did you find out?" He asked in turn.

"I was flipping through my Demigod Catalog."

"I thought you checked that daily?"

"This 'war' has been making us all busier than we'd like," she said with a huff. He nodded in agreement, then gestured for her to continue with a roll of his hand. "So anyway, I checked it today and, oh I was just so excited to gossip with someone about it." Aphrodite beamed and folded her arms beneath her bountiful bosom. She pouted at him playfully. "How did you find out?"

"Ace just told me," he sighed. "Such rotten luck, y'know? And here I thought the Fates would take it easy on her since she got turned into a tree."

"What?" Was Thalia… closeted? No, no she wouldn't have missed that. Her attraction to Artemis' son was far too genuine to have been faked so well. There was a smidge of bicuriosity when they interacted the year prior, but that was expected during the developmental years.

"Thalia Grace? The, uh...situation she has regarding the procreation tango?"

"Ah. That situation. Yes, it's…So unfortunate" Aphrodite mumbled. She sank into one of the seats across from him. She picked at the arm of the chair she sat in. "To lose her virginity and not fully recall the steps leading up to it…"

"What?" Apollo blinked. Aphrodite blinked back.

"What?"

"I was talking about her infertility. What are you talking about?"

It was like glass shattered in her ears. Oh, no, that was her snapping the armrests off the chair she was in. Apollo stared at the damaged chair, then gaped at her.

"Dite-?!"

"Oh, I'm terribly sorry," She said without a trace of sincerity, false or honest, in her voice as her body went rigid. Her mind raced with ideas, schemes, and plots she may have to make or alter in order to damn well fix this unforeseen and very much unwelcome development!

"...You didn't know." Apollo realized as horror dawned upon his handsome features. She slowly shook her head.

"I did not, no."

The god of the sun groaned and slumped onto his desk again, face buried in his hands.

"Great, just-just great! Ace is never going to tell me anything without an order ever again!" He rubbed his temples. "This is why people shouldn't tell me things! He should've known better!"

"I need to go, have a good day, Apollo."

Aphrodite stood up woodenly and left the temple of the sun god, the god in question too busy wallowing over his rotten luck and his favorite divine child's poor life choices to notice her departure. Her mind was racing at speeds Hermes would be impressed by through possibilities and paths that love would take. If what Apollo and his favorite child said were true, then her plans regarding the eventual spawns of Thalia Grace and Artemis' son would be for naught!

It would be a bright day in Tartarus before she would let her schemes fall apart because of something as mundane as infertility!

Thalia stared at the ceiling of their room, arms interlaced behind her head and her lips pursed.

They'd gotten back from her appointment an hour ago and all thoughts of indulging in any sort of sexual activity had been dashed from her being. Partially because she was a little sore, and partially because she was still reeling from her physician's words. Asceplius was an amazing doctor and made for a (surprisingly) very professional gynecologist despite being a Greek God. She could hardly wrap her head around the fact that he wasn't a perv or crude about the whole thing. Well, she could, if she could get her head wrapped around the conversation after everything was all said and done.

"…I'm not sure how to tell you this, Thalia, but...well, it needs to be said. It's not a risk, but something I noticed during the procedure..."

She didn't rage or cause a thunderstorm to assault the city, so that was a plus, but she felt partially responsible for the ice-cold rain that fell outside. Rather than scream and shout at the unfairness of it all, as soon as they got home, she retreated to their room and laid down atop the bed. She wasn't crying, it wasn't the end of her world by a long shot, but it was a life-changing development all the same. It wasn't like she was dying to be a mother and had her hopes dashed, she had gotten the IUD after all, but she wasn't ecstatic over the news either.

"...Metamorphosis' lasting effects on mortals tend to be remarkably random and that's not taking into account the effect foreign magicks might have left upon you…"

Thalia was barren.

…Okay, that was an exaggeration. She was not entirely infirtle, but close enough that the leap between where she was biologically and where the two terms actually were wasn't that far. She still had a chance to conceive, but the odds were so slim, they might as well not exist at all. Again, she wasn't in any rush to be a mother, but to have the choice essentially taken from her rankled her nerves something fierce.

"…No, from what I can see it is definitely an unintentional result of the initial metamorphosis. Blood clots had formed in your dying body, but when Zeus intervened…Er, if it helps, I doubt Lord Zeus knew his intervention all those years ago would result in this. I'm actually surprised that the Golden Fleece didn't fix the issue. Then again, it is prone to dealing with more unnatural phenomena, so perhaps damage from a natural dying state—I can look into it in my spare time."

Honestly, she would be more upset if it was just a curse from her immortal 'wicked' stepmother. Given that it was a fluke, a thing of chance, Thalia didn't really feel anything. She was…numb, for lack of a better term. Maybe she was in shock. Maybe it hadn't sunk in yet just what was wrong with her.

It would. Eventually. As it was, the absence of anxiety over what she should be feeling would worry her more, if she could feel anything.

The door opened with a soft creak and footsteps padded across the carpeted floor before a weight made itself known on the mattress. Heat radiated from his body as he laid next to her, but made no move to disturb her. He kept his breathing steady before he broke the silence.

"So." Whiskers' elbow brushed against hers as he replicated her position, hands interlocked behind his head and eyes glued to the ceiling. "Asceplius."

"Mm-hm."

"Good doctor?"

"The best." She agreed. The man-turned-god knew his stuff…and her stuff, too, apparently. The more finite details of her messed up bodily functions flew over her head, but throughout the entire exam he remained professional and cordial, even apologizing when his fascination became too prominent. Asceplius was such a good doctor that she'd almost forgotten who his father was. When she commented on it, if she commented on it, he seemed to take it in stride.

"He offered some possible solutions if you ever want to...you know."

"I was there, Whiskers." Sort of. Her mind drifted once he finished explaining things. She had been trying to determine how she felt. At the moment: still numb.

"Right. I know. It's..." he paused to search for his words. "You seemed ...out of it. After. Quiet."

It's official, her boyfriend masqueraded as Captain Obvious in his spare time.

"I was just told that my body doesn't and likely won't ever work right," she groused bitterly. "Of course, I was out of it."

Hm. That came out a bit harsher than she'd intended. Maybe she was a little upset by the news that she might never have a kid of her own volition. A heavy weight settled in her stomach with that self-reflection. Was that an emotional reaction on the horizon? Best stave it off until Whiskers left the room.

"I dunno. I think it works fine." Thalia cracked a small smirk and ignored the heat building in her cheeks. Her boyfriend was such a sap. "Just not as well as others' might."

"Yeah." She snorted. That was an understatement.

"Be honest with me, Thalia," she felt his gaze fall upon her. "Did you really want kids right now?"

"Gods, no." She scoffed, her cheeks cooled at the sobering question. "I'm nowhere near ready for that stage of life, don't think I'll ever be in the near future. Besides, we're in the middle of a war."

"Good points." The bed shifted as he rolled onto his side. She didn't have to look at him to know his notched brow was lifted into an arch. "But what about down the line, later in life? Ten years? Twenty?"

Thalia pursed her lips. The weight in her gut started to churn unpleasantly. Samirah's words floated through her head.

"He'll make a fine father."

Thalia hadn't even asked herself if she wanted kids, she had just started thinking of what their kids might look like. At some point, she must have made the decision that if she was ever going to have kids, they were going to be Whiskers' rugrats. No exceptions. Today she learned she might never know what their children would look like. The churning feeling became a tight knot and a weird pressure made itself known in her head. Just behind her eyes.

"I don't know." She sighed and rubbed her suddenly itchy eyes. Gods, they needed to dust in here. "Maybe?"

"Mm." Oh, that's super insightful and deep. Thanks for the helpful input, Whiskers. "What do you want for dinner?"

"I'm not really hungry." She mumbled, her arm fell over her eyes. Damn, they really had to dust in here, her arm must be caked in the stuff. The placement of her limb was making her eyes water and the tightness surged up to engulf her chest.

"So, leftovers?"

"I guess." The reason her voice sounded wet was because she was hungry and probably salivating. "Sure."

"Helios, Selene, Cthulhu, Primus, someone grant me patience." He sighed in exasperation. She could see him rub his temple in her peripherals. "Thalia."

"Wh-sniff-What?" Ah, crap, was she getting sick? Stupid dust.

"C'mere, Tree Girl…" he shuffled closer and slipped his arms around her. She rolled into his embrace and — geez was there a leak in the ceiling? His shoulder was getting damp. His knuckles stroked over her spine and she felt the tight knot loosen just a bit. "I'm sorry."

"For what?" Did he lose the remote again? She'd get mad at him for it later. She was just so tired suddenly and her head throbbed.

"For everything I can't fix." His lips pressed against her head and Thalia finally felt reality slam back into her life like a sledgehammer. Her shoulders shook and she clung onto her boyfriend like he was a lifeline. Her eyes burned despite being squeezed shut.

"It's not—It's not fair." The complaint, childish as it was, came out in a shuddered whisper. She was supposed to be better than That Woman. She was the daughter of Zeus, a literal demigod, didn't that account for anything? Why did the Fates have to take that from her? Was losing her brother and being born to an egotistical, selfish diva not enough?

"It's not. It's very, very not." Whiskers agreed with her. His voice was a soothing balm over the wound she didn't know existed until today. His arms tightened around her and she reciprocated. "But I still love you. I will still love you."

Despite being broken. Despite not having kids. For as long as you'll want me. All things he left unspoken, but she understood. Because Thalia felt the same way.

This boy…Gods, she almost missed him, had almost lost him. A chance encounter, a year or so on the road together, then almost ten years apart — she was turned into a tree and he was whisked away to Canada or wherever — an eye-opening confrontation in literal Hell, fights with his parents (both verbal and physical), but here they were.

Together.

Maybe that was The Fates' excuse for a 'balance'. She couldn't have kids, but she could have him. What a twisted joke.

"I love you, too, Naruto." Thalia sniffed and looked up through blurry, burning eyes to meet his sad gaze. Not just sad for her, but for her loss. Her heart swelled, and inspired, her neck craned so that her lips pressed against his. The firm, gentle, asserting, loving liplock ended after an infinity and still far too soon. She swallowed a sob and rested her head on his damp shoulder again. "I love you so much."

Whiskers mumbled another bit of affectionate praise to her as he continued stroking her back, but she didn't–couldn't listen to his words. Her thoughts and senses were hazy after her emotions forced themselves to the surface without the telltale rage that often accompanied them. She did feel him tighten his arms around her and his lips press on her head again. The unpleasant knot was slowly undone and the weight started to lift off of her shoulders. This boy was the only gift she had and she was going to treasure him for the rest of her life.

Thalia fell asleep atop of him and Naruto didn't have the heart to move her. His hand brushed down her back and she curled closer to him. A small smile spread across his face as he watched her sleep. If he'd ever been told a year ago that he'd be lying in bed with his girlfriend, the offender might have woken up in the hospital for their poor sense of humor. He didn't know how much the news she got today would affect her, and the only reason he knows is because Asceplius pulled him into the room after she seemingly shut down to process it.

"For all I know of mortal physiology, I'm still learning about the effects magic, godly or otherwise, can have on it. I don't know how much of this damage is because of the metamorphosis, the state of her body during it, or her genetic history, but the damage is done. That's not to say she'll never conceive, mind you, just that she's less likely to. She may also be prone to a more irregular estrus cycle, cramps, and-don't look at me like that, I have to tell someone about this. If anything comes up, for either of you, please do not hesitate to call upon me."

For all of their faults, for all their eccentricities, Naruto realized for yet another time how much he loved his family and how grateful he was to have them. Asceplius was like the elder brother he never had and his dutiful nature to his healing domain was commendable. Very, very few gods took their mastery over the practice of their domains as seriously as Asceplius did his, going as far as to put the duty ahead of making another half-blooded progeny. Of prolonging his pantheon's rule.

Granted, Naruto could do without getting blood drawn whenever they met. It shouldn't matter that he was the first mortal to have an experimental cure for a curse that wasn't supposed to evolve into a mutagenic virus. He and Uncle Fred were blowing it out of proportion! It wasn't that big of a deal and it definitely didn't give the minor god the right to use Naruto as a pincushion!

Naruto's thoughts of his least favorite portion of his bi-monthly physicals were brushed away as Thalia mumbled something in her sleep and tightened her grip on his arm. His ministrations had slowed to a stop while his thoughts wandered, and he was quick to resume them. The grip went slack and she drifted back to a more content slumber. His lips pulled up into a small smile and a rumble built within his chest.

Boy, The Fox suddenly reminded him of its existence. He tried to ignore it, to focus on his sleeping girlfriend, but The Fox was insistent on being heard. Boy! Stop making eyes at your slumbering mate and listen!

What, Fox?

As much as I hate to be the bearer of bad news, I have some for you.

That's untrue, Naruto rolled his eyes with a snort of disbelief. I doubt whatever news you have could be worse than what she got today. Just spit it out.

There's a source of Malicious Intent nearby.

That wasn't as bad as what Thalia learned today, but it wasn't exactly something he could ignore either. The Fox wouldn't bring it up if it wasn't aimed at them.

How 'nearby' are we talking?

Forty kilometers south and closing.

His hand stilled and he glared at the ceiling.

What do you mean, 'closing'?

It's coming towards us, and its radiating two things: Anger and Hunger.

Oh, is that all? Naruto grimaced. That combination could mean anything. Why are you only just now mentioning––You're enjoying this, aren't you?

Who, me? Enjoying your suffering by ruining this cavity-inducing moment? Do you really think so little of me, Boy?

Do I need to answer that? Do I really need to answer that?

...Alright, yes, I enjoy it on some level, but I figured that you wouldn't complain as much if I warned you about it now rather than when it was upon us. That should help you understand the gravity of the situation. Thirty kilometers, by the way.

Naruto grimaced and looked down at his slumbering girlfriend. Resigned to ruin what was supposed to be an attempt to salvage her day, he gently jostled her shoulder.

"Thalia. Thalia, wake up."

Twenty-five kilometers.

"Not. Helpful." Naruto growled as he started to get up. Thalia, though still asleep, protested through half-uttered words as he jostled her again. "Thalia. Tree Girl, you need to wake up."

"Whhhhy?" She whined and pressed into him in a way that usually distracted him. A certain Fox made it its duty to keep him focused.

Nineteen kilometers! Start moving, Boy, or we're going to be destroying this apartment again.

"Something's coming. You need to wake up." She grumbled and, while normally he'd give her five or ten more minutes of sleep at her grousing, there wasn't much time. He pinched her ear and pulled, making her flail awake. "Tree Girl! Wake up!"

"Hey, wha, shtoppit!" She flinched back as she blinked sleep out of her eyes. When her gaze lost its slumber-filled glaze, she glowered at him. "Seriously, what the &%*$ Whiskers?"

"Sorry," he said half-heartedly, darting around the room to grab some things that he shoved into his jean pockets. He upturned her old school bag, emptied it of its contents and tossed it to her. She caught it and gave him a confused scowl. He matched it with a grave stare. "We're leaving in thirty seconds. Pack."

"What? Why?! Whiskers, wha–"

Fifteen kilometers!

"Pack!" Naruto barked at her as he dashed to the kitchen. He slipped, cursing the frictionless socks on his feet, and scrambled for the bug out bag he'd stashed under the sink. He checked it while moving to the door. Rather than deal with the hassle of undoing the lock and holding it open, he tore it, hinges and all, from the wall.

"Got essentials!" Thalia gasped as she ran into the main room. She all but flipped the couch as she started looking for something. "Have you seen my spear?"

"Jacket!" He returned, throwing the item to her for her to check. Fox? ETA?

Ten Kilometers. My guess, whatever it is will be here in two minutes. That's being generous.

"Thalia, time's up!" Naruto grabbed his own coat and pulled his shoes on as he started going for the stairs. The steel-grade fire door was kicked down the first flight of stairs and he turned back toward the penthouse. "Thalia!"

"Coming!" The daughter of Zeus was at his side in seconds. He took her hand as they rushed down the emergency stairs he and his mother spoke privately on just a month or so prior. They got two floors before something crashed above them and shook the building. Her gaze went up. "What the heck is after us?"

"Don't know, don't care. We just need to move." He scowled. Why did stairs have to be so narrow?! Fox, what do you know?!

This feeling… The Fox rumbled. ...Sage preserve me. I knew it was too good to be true. That weirdo kid was...Dammit all, I'd hoped I'd seen the last of that blasted clan!

"What weirdo?" Naruto frowned as they cleared the next floor.

"What?" Thalia asked.

Don't stop running! Keep moving!

What Weirdo?!

The stairwell shook and went dark. He stopped on the step he was on and Thalia almost ran into him. Emergency lights kept the well from going pitch black, but a scream filled the tower, from the floor above where they stopped before, just two floors down from their apartment. Thalia's hand tightened around his.

"Whiskers, what the heck is going on?" she hissed, mild panic in her voice. He pursed his lips and tried to listen past the rise of screams. Nothing. No growls, no snarls, no shrieks, no claws. Just a gust of wind.

"I...I have no idea." He shook his head. "C'mon, we have to keep going."

"Gods, the penthouse suite…and it's dark...You have no idea how much I hate this." Thalia muttered trying to make her deathgrip on his hand even tighter.

"Actually, I think I do." He murmured to her wryly. "Just stick close."

"Oh, yeah because splitting up was totally the next part of my master plan."

"Not funny, Tree Girl." He huffed. Something clattered on the stairwell. From below or above he couldn't tell. Fox?

What do you smell, Boy?

Naruto frowned. Smell? What did smell have to do with–?

He smelled it.

Whatever it was, it was nauseating. He had to cover his mouth and swallow back the bile that threatened to come up.

"Whiskers, you okay?"

"No…" He swallowed and grimaced. "Ugh, Gods...Something smells-smells like a-a decaying corpse was doused in Kalvin Klein."

"It's actually Versace Pour Homme."

Both he and Thalia turned, a crescent shuriken drawn in his hand while her spear popped into existence and crackled with lightning. The flickering illumination did little to lower the unnerved chill that went up Naruto's spine as he stared into two red eyes stuck in a body of a well-dressed youth standing on the top of the stairwell. A vague sense of déjà vu overcame him and he squinted.

"Do...I know you?" Naruto frowned. The smile on the red-eyed figure's face strained before it widened, displaying oversized, sharpened incisors.

"You should." He said. His head tilted, an audible crack rang out. "Perhaps this will remind you. Ahem...Hello, Yankee."

Oh, Naruto blinked.This Weirdo Kid.

Obviously. Do you know any other weirdos that call you a Yankee?

You could've been more specific!

"Are you ignoring me?"

"No." Naruto lied. He had totally ignored whatever the Weirdo said while he was chastising his personal demon. Spirit Animal. Or whatever The Fox was.

"I feel like you were."

"I wasn't." Naruto grimaced.

Whatever you do, don't stare at his eyes! The Fox warned and, thanks to whatever subconscious psychobabble that Naruto barely remembered from his first required class a semester prior, he immediately looked at the creature's spinning eyes. Gah, you idiot!

"Finally." The Red-Eyed Weirdo's grin grew again. "You will die. Tsukiyo–Augh!"

A stream of lightning sent him flying up the stairs and Naruto barely had time to regain his wits before he was hauled into a run down the stairs.

"Yes, you're welcome, Whiskers! No, I wasn't freaking out at all! I'm totally fine standing on the twelfth floor's stairwell next to the railing!" Thalia snapped at him as she pulled him through another fire door. The blaring fire alarm made him cringe, but he kept in step with his irate girlfriend. "Now let's move, you moron!"

New rule, Naruto thought, Do not make Thalia take stairs from the penthouse.

Better new rule, do not ever look into that punk's eyes! Ever!

"Yeah, yeah, don't look at the hypnotic stare." Naruto groused. He frowned as his thoughts raced. "Hypnotic stare. Pale skin. Sharp teeth. Hey, Thalia, what does that remind you of?"

"I don't know, a vampire? Those aren't real!" She hissed. "Only Hecate's freaky ones!"

"News flash, Tree Girl, other pantheons exist! You fought a Troll!"

"So?"

"I killed a Mare!"

"Get to the point, Whiskers," Thalia snapped as she shoved her way through another set of fire doors on the opposite end of the hallway to another set of stairs. She groaned, but descended. He followed her down, eyes narrowed in thought.

"It means that I have no idea what kind of vampire we're dealing with! It could be Strigoi, Nosferatu, Dracul – heck, it could be a freaking Chupacabra for all we know!"

"Well, it's still light out, so maybe it's not a vampire!"

"Time of day doesn't mean anything! The myth that monsters are limited to acting at night is just that, a myth." Naruto huffed. He hated humanity's accepted ignorance of what thrives in the dark. Maybe if they accepted being scared of the shadows, they wouldn't have blinded themselves from the dangers they couldn't see. He shook the grousing away and continued. "Sure a few monsters have a weakness to natural light, like trolls, but not all of them. And Vampires' allergies to sunlight are either greatly exaggerated or understated depending on their origin."

"That's so dumb!" She griped. They both stopped as something exploded above them and a door tumbled past along with a good amount of debris. She stared up at the shadows. "... How did it–?"

"Vampire. Probably hunting by scent or sound. Through here." Naruto kicked the door in on the ninth floor and ran in, Thalia hot on his heels.

"Yankee! I will find you!"

"Okay, fine, so maybe it's some kind of vampire immune to daylight. Wanna explain its obsession with Yankee Doodle?" Thalia asked.

"Apparently, he doesn't like me—"

"What was your first clue?!"

"Not the time, Thalia."

"Whatever! Why 'Yankee'?

"I don't know, maybe because I look more European than someone with my kind of name would have. My best guess is he's from some area in Asia, probably from a time when Yankee was a common enough insult for foreigners," Naruto said. He frowned, trying to recall how they met, but failing once more as his thoughts shifted to the type of vampire it was. Each time he tried to think of their meeting, he kept running into a mental stall.

"Isn't the term Euro-asian?" Thalia couldn't help but comment.

"I have no idea. Is this really important right now–?"

Malicious Intent! Directly above!

"Move!"

The ceiling above them caved and they were forced to jump apart from each other. Thalia landed on her stomach twenty feet away, while Naruto landed on his rear. The telltale sound of a sharp blade slicing through air had Naruto throw himself farther back. A sharp, long blade split into the ground where his waist had been. The sound of crinkled paper made him look up in time to spot the undead being shoveling something into its mouth.

"Foolish Yankee ran away, cowardly and hunt-ed." The vampire murmured as it pulled its blade out with a jerk. His red eyes flashed and Naruto quickly looked away, focusing on the blade instead. "Uchiha has come to play, no need to be dis-gus-ted."

AN: Yeah…I got mixed feelings on this one.

Title is a reference to a soundtrack from a Thomas Jane film.