Disclaimer: Don't own PJO or the Whiskered Warrior.

Lunar Phases

Ursa Major

Kallisto.

The story of Artemis' first Lieutenant is a tragedy, as is often the case with most Greek stories. Being a beautiful nymph, she was like many others and coerced into a romantic tryst with Zeus. Her mistake, the one held against her by Artemis, was not that she did the deed —for that, punishment would have just been simply banishment—but that she tried to hide it and the resulting pregnancy from her patron. As punishment for her deceit, Artemis first turned her friend into a bear and then sent her away, with threat of death should they cross paths again. Nary a month into her new life as a beast, Kallisto bore Zeus a human son, Arkas. Unknowingly, his prowess in hunting and growth with man would give him a hatred for his mother's blood and he would hunt her. Zeus, hoping to avoid a tragedy, turned both the bear and the boy into stars, the constellations Ursa Major and Ursa Minor.

Or so the story goes.

January 25th, 2009

Artemis did not want to be in this room. This building. This city. She was the Goddess of the Hunt, she needed to be out with her Hunters, to be free and unshackled. To roam what little of the wilderness that remains and to keep the wildlife, both that which was natural in eyes of mortals and that which was not, in check.

There were three reasons she remained and three alone — they were not ranked in any particular order, but all were equally important to her.

The first was to see Zeus eradicate Minato Namikaze. His existence was a blight and his presence intolerable. How the King had stayed his hand for so long was baffling. The foreign god in their kingdom was an insult on principle, he should have been dust by now.

The second was to apologize to her son, and (hopefully) receive forgiveness in turn. Amazed as she was to admit it, but upon reflection of their argument, Artemis realized she missed the closeness she and her son had shared. Where he once greeted her with jubilant eyes and restrained excitement, now he did so with a cautious gaze and a wary distance. It hurt more than she wanted to admit.

The last reason she remained in this demigod hovel was to protect her Hunters. Not from her son or the loathsome divine existence of his father, but to keep her mother from acting on the promise made not minutes before in the streets of New York City. Even now, Mother's hissed warning rang in her ears.

"Your son was attacked and you did nothing because your petty rivalry with Aphrodite has caused you to neglect him! I am half-tempted to ground you for that alone! This is the last time I will hear of such treatment of my grandchild, Artemis! Do you understand me!?" Mother glared at her so fiercely that, for a brief moment, Artemis felt genuine fear. "I may have my own mistakes to atone for, but not for a second do I think myself to be above doing so! I don't know why you think such actions are appropriate for a mother, but I will not hesitate to correct your thoughts on it myself! If need be, I will have your Hunters turned over to Zeus for the duration of your grounding, is this understood?!"

Artemis bristled at the echoed words, but quelled the anger she felt at her mother's threat. Now was not the time to lose her temper. Not with Mother, Hera and Zeus all in the same room at once, behaving amicably toward one another and acting as a united front, at that. Instead, her glare remained locked on who she believed to be the cause of such a shift in her mother's behavior.

Minato Namikaze.

The name alone stirred some foreign feeling in her ichor. She attributed it to a new type of anger. One that surpassed all others. Hearing it made her unfocused and distracted. Seeing the face of the one it was bestowed upon infuriated and irritated her. Being in his presence made her very being ache worse than the times she was in the midst of an argument with Diana.

"Is there something you would wish to add, Minato Namikaze?" Hera asked.

Artemis curled her lip, unhappy with how neutral The Queen was regarding everything. Hera was composed and regal, but her temper was infamous and legendary. Cruel as it were to admit, snide comments and rude remarks should have been thrown about the instant Thalia Grace was in eyesight. The Queen was being too accommodating and far too polite to the foreign man-turned-god. Her tune would certainly change if she bothered to know the story of how Naruto was born, of how his birth mother was left to rot from wounds sustained in the midst of her childbirth and those from a creature she hadn't time to memorize.

"If it was elemental chakra, it might not have been true lightning. Which means elemental ninjutsu techniques does not mean shinobi can manipulate the element as my people believed." Minato cupped his chin in thought, and Artemis glared at him. His eyes were closed and his guard was down. Were it not for the presence of the three aforementioned deities that stayed her hand, she could fill him with arrows or drive her knives into his skull. Perhaps drive one into his heart for good measure.

"In this case," he continued, oblivious to the plethora of violent ways she planned to kill him, "It's more like the chakra is emulating the element it's being molded to, rather than actually becoming it. It becomes a stronger, more malleable replication, an enhanced mimicry if you will, of the natural phenomena. That would explain why my people could literally breathe fire. It just wasn't fire in the strictest sense of the word."

"Do you mean I could learn to do that thing you-uh, that Arashi did to the Troll?" The lone pure-blooded mortal in the room looked at his father, a flicker of restrained excitement in his eye.

Artemis was confused by the question, for there had been no mention of what Arashi had done to the Troll, nor was there a mention of any Troll at all. It would seem she needed to learn the complete details of her son's encounters with Arashi/Minato, for her Hunters' reports were remarkably brief and clearly Naruto had omitted details of his own. Now, she found herself annoyed by her son's desire to replicate anything Namikaze did. Oh, she was not surprised he would wish to learn to utilize this strange energy he had (Cha-Cha or whatever it was called), for he was raised by her Hunters. Outside of the vows required to join, The Hunt lived by a series of rules: pack light, travel swiftly, and make use of anything at hand to deal with prey.

"Well, yes. It would take some time before you could learn. I'd have to reteach myself some things, too. Refine my chakra control as you learn to manage yours—"

Artemis rolled her eyes as the god blathered on. The damned fool sounded like Athena when she started to get excited about a 'historic' discovery made by mortals. It'd be best if they were never introduced, their best strategist would be distracted by the pointless dribble that spewed from the man's mouth. A pointed cough from her mother made Artemis return her attention to the male as he shook his head.

"—But I digress. Thalia," he said, meeting the girl's eyes. "Your inability to control the Jiangshi's lightning chakra is not your fault nor Zeus'. Demigods, from my understanding, have unquestionable control over the elements their Olympian parent is known for, save for if used against the parent themselves, unlikely as I think it'd be. This is irrefutable. However, since chakra is not an external force brought in, but rather, an internal one sent out, it is a loophole around this absolute."

"Unless a demigod is given control over chakra." Hera mused aloud as her eyes drifted to the Goddess of the Moon. Artemis met her gaze coolly and wondered what the pointed stare was for. She had no demigods — she would never have any — and the closest thing she could call as such was banned from Camp Half-Blood. She bit the inside of her cheek to keep her disdain for the edict from showing.

"Unlikely." Minato shook his head. "Where my son and I come from, Chakra is unique. Unlike this universe's understanding of it, it's not a metaphysical energy, but one you are born with. A chakra signature is like a fingerprint."

All immortal eyes fell upon the new god. Not for his words on the strange energy he spoke of, but for two words he said with it. Briefly, Artemis' gaze shifted to land on her son, his differences in his youth from her understanding of normal children now started to (infuriatingly) make a little more sense. Her gaze shifted back, the (irritating) revelation having come to her faster than one of Hermes' divine deliveries.

"'This universe'?" Zeus repeated. Artemis agreed with the incredulous tone her sire used.

"Oh, um, is that offensive? Does the phrase different dimension sound better? Or parallel reality?" Minato blinked and swallowed when he noticed none of them had stopped staring. "Um... A-Alternate world?"

"...I believe a thorough explanation of your origin is required." Zeus rumbled as his eyes narrowed. Artemis felt her shoulders rise in relief. Finally, the King's paranoia would work to her benefit! Just one more wrong move on the foreigner's part…

"I-I really, really wish I could, Lord Zeus. But...but I've only started to theorize how my son and I came to be here."

"I was born here." Her son clarified. Artemis did her best not to smirk triumphantly when the foreigner gave Naruto a betrayed frown.

"Yes, but your mother, your birth mother–" Urk! Artemis clenched her jaw to keep her features stone when the god gave her a pointed look from the corner of his eye. This-this Bastard had the gall! Ohh, she was going to mount his head on her temple wall and decorate it like a target for the Hunt to practice with! Ignorant of her plans for his skull upon his demise, Minato locked eyes with Zeus once more. "We, that is to say, my wife and I, we were not born here. Not on this earth."

"This earth, hm?" Hera asked. "So you are...from the stars? Or, from another primordial?"

"Er, the former, I think. In a way…" Minato frowned. "Parallel universes, alternate timelines, different dimensions, they all surmount to the same thing: not of this current reality. We could be separated by the slightest of atoms shifting or the direction in which a deity sneezed."

"You're speaking of the Multiverse." Zeus grumbled, a sour look upon his visage.

Artemis frowned. She'd heard the term before – it was unavoidable with her twin being a god of intellect and her favored Olympian sister Athena's own domains over mortal sciences – but she didn't truly understand it. Most of Apollo's attempts at explaining it just put her to sleep or irritated her to no end. Athena dismissed it as a passing theory that wasted time, since even a god would have difficulty proving its value.

"Well, the theory of it—actually, I guess that Naruto and I are proof of its existence," Minato said, cupping his chin. He shook his head. "No matter, my theory is that our original world, timeline, universe, whichever you prefer, was...dissolved or disrupted to the point of a shattering. Such force would likely scatter events, people and even items across the greater multiverse."

"I'm sorry, what?" Mother asked. "What is a multiverse?"

Zeus gave the foreigner a pointed glare. Minato pursed his lips. Artemis almost smiled.

Yes, Minato, you will be tested constantly throughout this conversation. And the second you fail…

"How should I put this? Imagine if you will, a quilt," he said, turning to meet Mother's gaze. "Where every square represents one universe. Our universes' squares were so damaged by something that both became irreparable on their own. The Weaver of the quilt – Fate, Chance, Chaos, Order, whatever you wish it to be – decided to part the threads from my square and use it in the repair of yours."

"So you were, what, sewn into our square?" Thalia Grace asked with a frown.

"Essentially, yes." Minato shrugged. "Best I can explain as to why my arrival was later than my son's was that my 'thread' and my wife's were separated." Unbeknownst to him, Artemis replicated the flat, blank stare that Zeus' Half-Blood sent his way. He rolled his eyes. "Yes, our threads were sewn in separately, hence our chronological displacement."

"So it was just a one off thing? Or it just happened? I mean, something had to have caused it, right?"

"Very astute, Thalia. Yes, generally everything has a cause and effect, at least that's how I perceive it." Minato shrugged. He glanced at Zeus. "For example, Lord Zeus, do you think it was by chance both you and your brother broke an oath that resulted in starting a prophecy that threatened your rule? Was it all planned by something which even gods cannot comprehend? Or was it just a small ripple caused by a larger stone cast into the pond, an effect of another's action?"

"...The only reason I do not destroy you now is because I know that to be a rhetorical query rather than a genuine one." Zeus growled. Artemis rolled her eyes and glowered at the grinning god. This bastard was too lucky, she'd have to ensure Tyche wasn't consorting against her by association with foreign divines. It wouldn't be the first time. The King rubbed his temple before he spoke again. "Fine, your origin will be attributed to Chaos' will. As will the existence of Artemis' son."

...Zeus was supporting her claim? Artemis blinked. She certainly didn't see that coming. It filled her with… something. Gratitude? Hope? Regardless, whatever it was, it was there now.

"Right." She mustn't smirk at the slump of Minato's shoulders. Mother was watching her. Oh, but the temptation was there. The man sighed and rubbed his face. "So, since we've covered my origin and my reason for being here, I presume we will now go over my future?"

Eradication. Obliteration. Destruction. Artemis glanced at Zeus and tried to will one of the three words to come from his mouth.

Unfortunately, The Queen spoke first.

"You have a quest to fulfill, bestowed upon you by a foreign pantheon," Hera said. She rested a hand on Zeus' shoulder and shared a glance with him. "If we were to interfere with that, we risk drawing them into our business with The Titans, and we have few friends outside of our pantheon."

"Indeed." Zeus frowned.

What? No! Of all the times you choose to play stickler to the rules, you do it now?! Artemis seethed in her mind. Of course, now Zeus would act like a responsible king instead of man-child on a power trip! Not back when she was trying to protect her son from other Olympians' and pantheons' machinations! So infuriatingly typical!

"You shall be given leeway, but do not mistake this for weakness." Zeus warned. He stood from his throne's replica and it vanished. Hera's arm looped with his own and the King gave Minato a pointed glower. "You have one week to deal with this Jiangshi. If it lives still, or you remain divine, I will take this entire exchange as a falsehood and wipe all evidence of you from this world. All. Evidence."

His eyes flicked to his right and Minato's gaze followed. Artemis did the same and she felt her ichor boil.

That–! He is my son! She glared daggers into the side of the King's head. She wanted to scream, to rage. You just supported my claim! You can't support both of us!

Was there any surprise as to why she distanced herself from the 'family' functions of Olympus? Aside from Hera's opinion on the matter, The King could barely keep his familial relations straight outside of his siblings, and even then he usually only focused on his brothers.

"Of course, Lord Zeus." Minato nodded. He bowed. "Thank you for your leniency and indulgence."

"Hmph." Zeus flared his nostrils and then glanced at his Demigod. "Thalia Grace, see to it that this fledgling's quest is not impeded by others of Olympus."

"Wha–Are you serious!?" Thalia squawked. Beside her, Artemis saw her son's lip curl. Her eyes flicked down to their still intertwined hands and Artemis quickly looked away from it before her temper got the best of her.

"Absolutely."

"...Why am I not surprised?!" Thalia Grace slumped in her seat. Her free hand went up to rub her face. "Fine, whatever. I'll do it."

"Good." Zeus nodded at Mother, who stood and curtseyed. "Leto, a pleasure. ...Artemis."

"Zeus." Artemis met his thunderous stare with her own cold gaze. The gaze warmed just slightly when she regarded Hera with a nod. "Hera."

"A pleasure, Huntress." Hera smiled. She looked at Mother with a cooler face. "Leto, I'll wish to speak to you later in regards to your...punishment's hiatus."

"Yes, my Queen." Mother nodded. Artemis frowned, but didn't dare speak in defense of her mother. She'd made this grave herself, and would have to lie in it.

"Thalia Grace." Hera's last person of address made tension rise in the room. She smiled, not smirked or sneered, but smiled at the child of Zeus. "...Good luck."

The King and Queen left with a thunderclap.

Naruto let out a relieved sigh once the King and Queen left. He'd felt the hairs back of his neck stand on end throughout the entire conversation. Between Zeus' glares, Hera's piercing stares, and his own mother's gaze, he wasn't sure which Olympian was going to do him in, but he was certain one of them would if he so much as breathed wrong. To him, it was nothing short of a miracle he lived through the whole thing.

"I just felt something walk over my grave." Thalia mumbled as she slumped against him.

"It was done with a genuine smile," Leto said softly. "I'd be worried if I were you."

"I am worried."

"I'm sure it'll be fine." He looked at Thalia and squeezed her hand gently. She smiled back at him and he felt his lips pull up. They could handle anything life threw at them so long as they were together. Then a pointed cough garnered his attention.

"Naruto." He turned to meet his mother's eyes. Artemis' jaw flexed and her gaze darted to Thalia briefly before it met his once more. "Might I have a word with you?"

That was foreboding, but not entirely damning.

"Of co–"

"Alone?"

Hm, that was the "I'm very angry at your Uncle because he is an idiot and I'm trying not to take it out on you for simply sharing his sex" tone. His punishments after he'd heard that particular tone were very memorable. Not as bad as the more recent ones, but...when a child was grounded from playing with the Hunt's pack of wolves for a month, it was hard to forget the whines exchanged by both parties. Even though Rebecca totally deserved to have her parka sto—borrowed and then piss—scent marked because she had absolutely been the one to take his toy bow that Uncle Fred gave him on his seventh birthday. So what if the string always snapped and she was sick of fixing it for him? He was just trying to get better at hunting! Besides, Zoë said he'd learn to control his draw sooner or later with enough practice (even if it never came in her lifetime).

Regardless of certain events that were not settled in his favor, his more recent punishments were arguably worse than that. …But again, for a seven year old, that had a really long month and it wasn't long after that that he'd been sent away from The Hunt where he wouldn't see The Pack again for years…

He should definitely stop evaluating things before he agreed to them, because now he was a little on edge.

On an unrelated note, Naruto really missed Bruno, Charlie and the rest of The Pack. Charlie had to be fully grown by this point, and Bruno would likely be showing his age. He hoped they were doing okay since Akela's passing—

Hey, rocket scientist! Answer the bitch before she explodes! The Fox snapped him from his thoughts of The Pack.

"Yes, Mother."

"Thank you," Artemis said and moved further into the apartment, going towards the bedroom. He made to follow, but a pull on his hand made him look back at Thalia. She put a hand on his face and stroked one of the marks that was on his cheek.

"She won't do anything. Relax, Whiskers." Thalia told him softly. He smiled and gave her a grateful kiss.

"Thanks, Tree Girl."

"Someone has to get you out of your head, you sap." She told him, before she spun him around and gave him a push. He swiped at her half heartedly before he strode after his mother. He passed through the kitchen and blanched when he felt the telltale difference in the air, that of passing through a divine barrier.

As Goddess of the Hunt, Artemis was able to manifest unique 'subspaces', that is small areas where she could decide how detected she and her hunters would be. Twigs could be added or removed, sound could travel faster than light or not at all. He'd initially been trained in using his senses, prior to and after being bitten by Lycaon, within this type of barrier.

It could also be used to have more...private conversations — As in, a very awkward mother-son talk about puberty, mortal procreation, and how to avoid such debasing of oneself with meditation, determination and constant vigilance.

At least she didn't go into graphic detail… Naruto mused as he revisited that memory from when he was ten. It wasn't as scarring as, say, Uncle Fred's attempt to give him 'The Talk' not two years later. His eye twitched and he tried to repress the experience.

Geez, and I thought That Bitch's talk was rough! The Fox chortled. The dumbass you call 'Uncle' essentially tried to give you a live show!

Stop talking about it, Fox. I'm trying to repress it.

Well, sor-ry! Also, your bitch of a mother is dead ahead.

Naruto opened his eyes and almost jumped back from how close Artemis was to him. Rather, how intently she was staring at him. His eyes darted about her facial features – flared nostrils, dilated pupils, twitching upper lip – and he groaned.

She was pissed. But what did he–?

"You are no longer chaste."

Yep, that'd do it.

Naruto was about ready to risk his life by turning around and walking away. He had no desire to get into another fight over his life choices. One thing, and one thing only, had him stand his ground. That his mother was visibly restraining herself from lashing out, after realizing he was not chaste. For that reason alone, he was going to indulge this conversation.

And do so with honesty, no matter how much she didn't wish to hear it.

(Uncle Fred would be so proud.)

"No." Naruto said with a resigned sigh. Perplexingly, his ears burned with his next admittance. "I am no longer a virgin."

An odd swell of pride formed as soon as the declaration left his lips; he chalked it up to the Y-chromosome feeling acknowledged and fulfilled.

Artemis' face twisted, emotions flipped across so fast it was hard for him to get a read on her. Nothing new, but he wasn't exactly a novice when it came to interacting with his mother. Eventually, the disappointment and anger he'd expected was bared in full and a single word followed.

"Why?"

"Honestly? Alcohol is partially to blame. Hormones probably also played their part. Mostly, though, it's because I trusted her enough, and vice versa." He set out the factors that would abate her rage before he decided to admit with a shrug. "I guess, the truth is, it's because I love her."

His Mother looked like she wanted to rant, rave and blow up a mountain—not in that order. He could see the veins in her crossed forearms as her hands balled into tight fists where they were tucked into her biceps. Her nails probably pierced her skin. A tactic he'd learned from her to keep from physically doing anything to someone that earned his ire. Another possibility: she was actively restraining her power. It was hard to tell from the standpoint of a mortal.

"So that's it, then? You've—" Artemis bit down on her next words and closed her eyes. She took a deep breath. Her eyes opened again, still narrowed, still angry, but struggling to keep it in check. "Naruto. I am not happy."

No! Really?! The Fox gasped. Who'd have thunk!?

You're not helping. Naruto deadpanned.

Oh, I know. I'm just enjoying myself. You know, like you did not, oh, what was it now, four hours ago? Right in this hallway, even!

"That's fair," Naruto said to his mother, ignoring The Fox's barbs. He was not going to let her wreck Pollux's apartment like she did Thalia's, so he would do his best to calmly explain this to her. "I'm not sorry for doing it. I am sorry it made you feel this way."

Don't think there's a happy ending for this one, Boy. She looks bloodthirsty.

"It isn't…" Artemis growled and pushed a hand to her head. She forced out another breath. "I, it is difficult to parse what I am feeling right now. I...I do not wish to repeat our argument on Christmas."

"...Neither do I." Naruto felt his jaw flex and tried desperately not to think about the last words she said to him then.

Yeah, because she might actually go through with it this time.

Do you mind?!

Not really, it doesn't affect me at all who you consider your mother. The Fox drawled nonchalantly. The Bitch and this bitch aren't that different in my opinion. But since I'm stuck here, I'm going to alleviate my boredom somehow.

Naruto growled at it silently and pinched the bridge of his nose. He was just happy he had his medication or he might have actually started snarling. Or worse, argued openly in front of his mother. Again. His focus was torn from the internal annoyance once the goddess continued speaking.

"Naruto, what I...You are...What I said then," Artemis struggled to find words. Oh, they were going to talk about Christmas. Great. Despite the rising anxiety he felt towards the coming conversation, Naruto listened with his full attention, eyes unwavering on his mother's form. She put a hand on his shoulder and took another deep breath. "Bear with me, I haven't...I haven't had to apologize like this in some time. I was...wrong to insinuate—To say that. I...I made many, many mistakes raising you—"

"I-Mom–" He swallowed, trying to shake off his nerves. Seriously, fighting for his life was easier than this. "It's okay. I mean, I didn't...I never thought that–"

"Let me finish. I made mistakes and what I said then will be among the worst of them." Artemis interrupted with a sigh. She faltered for words again before she embraced him, hugged him tight. He hesitated before reciprocating, which seemed to give her strength to continue. "Even if not by ichor or blood, you are my son. You will always be my son. But I often forget ...you are also your own person. ...Mortals, like you…they grow up so…so fast, and you are–you are the first one that was mine. Seeing you, knowing you are...growing…into a good man—I can't explain it with Mortal Tongue. It is irritating and infuriating that you did this, yet all the same I am glad to know you are not like other men."

"...T-Thanks, Mom." He barely managed to get the words out.

She says that, yet if she'd been here but four hours earlier…The Fox trailed off with an audible smirk on its face.

Shutupshutupshutup!

"It is ...difficult to let go. Apparently, part of me still does not wish to." Her hug tightened and he let out a watery chuckle as he reciprocated. After a beat, she pulled away and cupped his face, silver eyes twinkling like the stars in the night sky. "I am proud, so very proud of the kind, caring and strong person you've become."

His eyes stung at that. The tears fell unbidden, and he tried to will them away, but they flowed and refused to stop.

"Admittedly," she added. "Not as much as I would be if you'd managed to stay chaste."

"Mom." He chuckled out, trying to sound upset but too relieved not to be.

A month. Their worst argument hung over his head for a month. His doubt in their bond, whether it would ever mend, whether he would ever see her again, whether he would be accepted by her, was thankfully dashed. Oh, their relationship wasn't fixed, not by a long shot, but only time would help seal that wound. In the moment, he was too over the moon because he'd been reassured, a fear had been abated: His mom still loved him.

"Yes, yes," Artemis sighed as she gave him another hug. "At least I can rest easy knowing it wasn't due to Aphrodite's stupid schemes."

…Did you ever tell her about your mate's harassment issue? The Fox asked far too innocently. Naruto felt his smile die on his face and his mother clearly noticed when he tensed. He did not ever tell her that, no. Slowly, he looked up to see her staring down at him. Worry and anger began to reflect in her eyes.

Crap.

He'd been quiet for too long.

"Please tell me that Aphrodite did not openly play a role in your loss of virginity."

"Um…" He wished he could, honestly. He really, really did. "About that—"

"What did she do?" Artemis hissed. Her grip tightened on his shoulders. Not painfully, she was aware of herself enough to avoid causing him harm, but that might not last the longer he hesitated. "Naruto, tell me."

"I will, but you can't be mad–"

"Too late."

"Mom."

"Naruto," she said, her voice low and angry. The silver in her eyes started to shine bright as her temper rose. "If-if that shameless, loose lipped, foam-headed floozy did anything to you that resulted in your, for lack of a better term, deflowering, you will tell me now."

"She didn't do anything." He saw her relax with his confirmation. Good, there was a chance to salvage this. Okay, great, now—why was his mouth still moving? "To me."

%*$&!

Whoo-hoo! I need some Ramen for this show!

Shut it, Energizer Fox!

You're just mad because I'm enjoying myself and you know it, Boy!

"...I knew it." Artemis glared past him, towards the living room. Naruto grimaced at the silver glow. He had been so close to ending this on a good note. "She influenced Zeus' demigod! That infuriating—She seduced you with a proxy!"

"Mom, no! She—well, maybe, I don't know. Thalia didn't like going into detail about the Dove's harassment–"

"Oh, I am sure she didn't." Artemis growled. Hm. That was a new sort of growl. Naruto wasn't sure how to categorize that one.

This is why you don't mess with the cub in front of its mother. The Fox chuckled.

What?

Nothing, don't worry about it, Boy.

Naruto groaned, his head was starting to hurt from the emotional whiplash and reintroducing his medication to his system after the withdrawal didn't help. He could deal with the Fox's cryptic words later. He had a more pressing issue to deal with.

"Mom, don't hurt Thalia."

"I promise you, Naruto, she won't feel a thing."

Naruto felt his shoulders sag with relief. Okay, good. That was a good start. Now, all he had to do was convince his mother that Thalia hadn't entertained any of Aphrodite's ideas or suggestions. If he could manage that, his girlfriend would probably get out of the hot seat—

"Her transformation into a doe will be completely painless. The Hunt's arrows however…"

Ah, great, the tension in his shoulders was back.

"Mom, no!"

Thalia tried not to squirm in her seat. Her eyes darted to the corner that Whiskers had disappeared around. What was taking them so long? They couldn't be arguing again, it was too quiet and nothing had been broken. She crossed her legs and fidgeted with her bracelet, eyes glancing around Pollux's apartment as she waited for her boyfriend and his divine mother to return. The Son of Dionysus in question could be home any minute now.

I am not fielding Pollux's questions this time. Whiskers can deal with it. Thalia thought to herself. The last time she did was irritating enough. He'd had too many questions and she had very few answers. Not to mention he was just as jumpy around Minato as she was after she told him how the man-turned-god had tried to kill her twice. Albeit, under Hecate's control, but that was beside the point.

"They're awfully quiet, aren't they?" Minato asked, looking at Leto. Thalia really didn't want to be grateful to him for saying what was on her mind, but she was.

"Artemis has likely put up a barrier." Leto shrugged as she folded some laundry. Apparently, Pollux was overdue to clean some clothes. The list of things Whiskers would have to explain to his friend just kept piling up.

"A barrier?" Minato asked.

"It's not really a barrier, I don't really know the details, but I suppose it's like my ability to dampen signatures. Only more applicable for hunting and the like."

"Interesting." A calculating look appeared in the blond god's eyes. He put a hand to his chin and stared hard at the wall. Gods, Whiskers' really took after his dad: They practically wore the same face when deep in thought. Which was weird, since he hadn't met the guy until, what? One? Two months ago?

Thalia was saved from making further observations to pass the time when Artemis strode out of the corridor, glacial eyes locked on her. Whiskers was hot on her heels. He overshot her with a short sprint and halted her advance, staring her down like a…well, like a wolf.

"Naruto, move."

"Mom-!"

"I will not say it again-!"

"She had no say in it! Your issue is with Aphrodite!" Whiskers protested.

Thalia grimaced, she had a good idea what it was they were arguing about now. They'd taken each others' virginity, the one domain Artemis had a very stern stance on. She half-wished that Hera had driven her mad rather than leave her to deal with this fallout.

Alas, her stepmother must've seen this coming. That conniving old witch! That's why she'd wished her luck!

Artemis' lips curled before she pinched the bridge of her nose and grumbled something in Ancient Greek. Whiskers ignored her grousing and pressed on.

"She's the one that's been invading Thalia's head, so she's the one that should be held accountable for anything done to slight you. Everything Thalia and I have done was done consensually."

Thalia recalled one of the pamphlets Asclepius had on the wall of his office: Consent is sexy. It was something to help couples trying to conceive, or having issues, or…whatever, it was a pointless detail she remembered about that bittersweet appointment. Absently, her eyes drifted down to evaluate the back of her boyfriend's jeans. She wondered if he was still going commando or—Dammit, Almighty Libido!

Thalia quickly averted her gaze to the duo sitting on the loveseat to her right. Minato - miraculously - appeared blissfully unaware of her embarrassment, his attention focused solely on Whiskers and Artemis. Leto, however, met her gaze with a small knowing smile as she folded one of Pollux's graphic tee shirts.

Thalia flustered and shifted in her seat, returning her eyes to the back of Whisker's head. She squashed any would be thought that might lead her back down the hole of depravity, because now was not the time for her to get wound up. Stupid Zeus-ness needed a cold shower…or a shower with Whi—Dammit!

"Be that as it may, the fact remains that this…conversation is long overdue." Artemis grumbled. Silver eyes flicked to meet Thalia's gaze. "Is it not, Thalia Grace?"

"…I guess?" She muttered half heartedly. Honestly, she just wanted to get out of this apartment. It had only been like, a day, since they arrived, right? It felt like a few months had gone by.

"See? She agrees." Artemis folded her arms as she met Whiskers' gaze again. He growled, a low rumbling sound that Thalia would not have caught if not for her keener-than-the-average-Demigod senses. Artemis arched a brow at him and Whiskers crossed his arms in that way that made them seem bigger than they were. A survival tactic that Pan taught to humanity, he'd claimed once, to scare or intimidate others from bothering them.

Privately, Thalia thought he had caught her admiring them, which she had — he was her boyfriend, it was her right! — and continued to do so just to rile her up. Her boyfriend could be a wily tease sometimes.

"Fine." He groused. "But I want your word that you will only converse with Thalia, Mom."

"Naruto—" Artemis cut her retort short and pursed her lips. With his back to her, Thalia didn't know what face Whiskers made. Whatever it was, it made Artemis back down. She huffed. "Very well. I promise to you, Naruto, we will only converse."

"Make it quick, Artemis," Leto said from where she was folding laundry. The goddess gave her mother a disapproving glower, and received a tired look in return. "We are on a timetable issued by Zeus himself."

If anything, that only made the Goddess of the Hunt look even angrier.

Lady Leto, I know you have good intentions, but please butt out! Thalia silently implored. As she met the judgemental and angry eyes of Greece's Moon Goddess once more, Thalia did her best not to think about the moment just a few hours earlier where her son replicated the way the goddess' brow furrowed as she glared, though the gleam in his eyes held lust rather than fury.

She really shouldn't think about how wonderful it felt to have her thighs wound tightly around his hips. Or the rush she had when he pressed her against the couch that was formerly present. Or the minutes before that where her thighs were hooked over his shoulders and she squeezed his head while he—Now was definitely not the time to revisit that memory and succumb to the Almighty Libido she was given!

"I will be brief." Artemis stepped around her son and leaned in close. Her eyes shone with the light of the moon and her voice was filled with unfathomable power. "Mark my words, Thalia Grace. If you break my son's heart, Zeus himself will not be able to stay my bow. The Huntress is watching you, Squab."

"'Squab'?" Thalia repeated, brow furrowed. What in the world did that word mean?

"Mom." Whiskers groaned. Artemis flicked a look his way before she gave Thalia another pointed glare. Thalia barely mustered the nerve to glare back, if only because her stupid Zeus-inherited libido was fighting her tooth and nail for dominance over her mind. Thankfully, the goddess pulled away and gave Whiskers her full attention.

"Good luck on your hunt, Naruto."

"Thanks, Mom. Love you."

She was mostly gone, but the ghostly visage that remained gave him a small smile.

"And I, you."

Then she was gone entirely. Thalia shared a look with Whiskers as their shoulders sagged. Dealing with gods was so exhausting sometimes.

"That was pretty neat." Minato chirped suddenly, reminding them he was there. He had his hand on his chin. "I gotta figure out how to do that. Or replicate it. Perhaps a seal to mimic a chakra signature…programming responses could be tricky. ..Unless—"

"Since he's back to that stupidity, I'm going to write Pollux a note." Whiskers muttered, rolling his eyes at his father's scatterbrained thought process. Thalia snorted, for a ninja, Minato was quite the audible thinker.

"That's already taken care of, Naruto," Leto said as she set the last of the folded laundry back in the basket and sent it away with a flick of her wrist. She stood and smoothed out her dress, before she stirred the fledgling deity from his musings. "Minato, you had a destination in mind to start training in?"

"Hm? Oh! Yes. Yes, I do. Are we ready to go?"

"More or less." Whiskers huffed

"Not that we have a choice." Thalia muttered.

"Great! Now, everyone, stay close." Minato put one hand on Whisker's shoulder and offered the other to Leto. She took it with a grateful nod. Whiskers slipped his hand into hers. She squeezed it, grateful for its presence. He squeezed back.

"Okay, bear with me, my aim is just a little off."

"Your aim is what?!" She asked. Minato ignored her.

"Hiraishin no Jutsu."

A bright flash was all Thalia saw before her stomach made an unpleasant lurch. Then there was wind rushing at her face. She blinked a few times and saw a flat, white speck rapidly approaching her face. Hm, that looked like the ground. What the Hades was it doing way down th—?

Oh.

That's what Minato meant by his aim being off.

AN: Two weeks really did not fly by as fast as I thought they would.

Thanks for reading, y'all.

EDIT 8/17/22: Folks, brief hiatus. Something has happened that requires my full attention. I will try to return to the story ASAP, but I cant promise anything.