Disclaimer: Don't own PJO or the Whiskered Warrior.

Lunar Phases

Move Along

Filler.

A thing or person that fills a space. Self-explanatory. Simple. Something mortals could easily wrap their heads around. Apollo found it a dull word for many years until the new millennium came along and it popped up in the terminology of fandom. Blame or thank him for its use in the creative world now.

January 25th, 2009

"I'm back!" Pollux called out as he walked into his apartment. He struggled one of his hands was a bag full of Chinese food. "Sorry, I was gone so long! Apparently, Chinatown's getting dangerous. Didn't know that until after I decided to stop there for din–And, there's no one here."

Pollux took in the state of his living room. There was new and moderately expensive furniture in place of his old hand-me-down party couch, a basket of folded clothes atop a very unfamiliar coffee table, and a new loveseat adjacent to the new couch. With a rough swallow to bury his nerves, he carried his excess of chinese food to the kitchen table. Then, he carefully drew a hidden Swiss army knife from his pocket and fiddled with it as he began his search.

"Hello? Thalia? Naruto? ...Er, Naruto's Ninja Dad? …whose-name-I-don't-remember?" Pollux called, whispering the last part, and doing his best to ignore his growing anxiety. He searched the apartment a bit more thoroughly than what was required, lifting rugs and searching refurbished cupboards. The bedroom was void of the previously stashed bug out bags, and the bathroom was vacant. The kitchen wasn't lacking in any supplies, and the nearly-bare cupboards were restocked to the brim. Scratching his head, he passed by his fridge, before running back and tearing the posted note that was there off. Why had he reacted so hastily, one might ask?

The note was written in Ancient Greek.

Please don't be a hostage note. Please don't be a hostage note. Please don't be a hostage note. Pollux silently prayed. On his break, he'd reached out to other Campers who spent their days in New York City – sans one Percy Jackson, who was very adamant about being left alone when not at camp (but given all the stuff he went through over the past four years, Pollux understood that) – and got confirmation on Thalia's declaration of having a price on her head. Naruto's and Naruto's Dad's stories, he'd been hoping to get after work, with a peace offering of Chinese food.

His da-er, Mr. D had always said that Zeus had a weakness for the stuff, he figured that maybe Thalia inherited it?

As he read the note, Pollux felt his shoulders slump as the weight of worry fell off of them. It was not a hostage note – a relief for a plethora of reasons. No, it merely summarized that Naruto and Thalia were on a quest bestowed personally to them by Zeus and Hera. And that they were accompanied by Naruto's Dad and one other, the scribe of the note he read, supposedly. That was great for his anxiety...until one part of the note suddenly made it skyrocket and his shoulders immediately tensed up again.

"...The King and Queen of Olympus were in my apartment." Pollux murmured to himself as he slumped back against the counter.

He had a carton of spoiled milk in his fridge and a lot of uneaten fast food that didn't preserve well. Great. What possible reputation he might have had with the rulers of Olympus, if he'd ever have any, was definitely gone.

And now he had a bunch of Chinese food he had no intention of eating by himself.

"I wonder if Chuck is willing to come hang out?"

January 26th, 2009

Hugh Mann was a simple guy. He wasn't the smartest, but he wasn't stupid. Hugh was simple. He liked being simple. Simple kept life relatively easy. That's why he moved out of New Jersey. It had been fine there until the grocery store got publicity.

After the Hooded Ramen Guy's attack at Goode's Grocery, Hugh was questioned by Police and then he was swarmed by reporters. It was too much, too crazy. He just wanted to live a better life, a quiet, simple, better life. So, with what little belongings he had to his name and the blatant hush money Mr. Castiligone's "associates" had given him, Hugh Mann moved into New York City. Granted, the hush money didn't amount to much, so he slummed it out in a rundown apartment that was once owned by a lawyer named Loptemoff. It...was a fixer-upper, and that was being generous. The rest of his hush money assured its renovation, but that left the problem of survival. Hugh hunted high and low for jobs, eventually getting hired in Chinatown, in a small restaurant called A Wok in the Clouds...as a cook. Or, cook's aide, rather.

Actually, Hugh thought to himself as he carried a tub of cleaned dishes across the kitchen, only to be relieved of it by the busboy. I don't know what my job title is.

"Hey! Hughie! Go to the cellar and grab some extra chicken out the freezer!" His boss ordered, disrupting his thoughts. Hugh snapped off a salute.

"Yessir!"

With that, Hugh Mann found himself in the depths of a basement in desperate need of refurbishing, searching for a freezer, all the while unnerved by his surroundings. He froze when the sounds of egregious slurping echoed from around a bend. It was probably just some bad piping. New York City was notorious for its plumbing issues. The sounds were too audible for them to come from pipes, though. Against his better judgement, Hugh investigated the sounds.

A figure was hunched over a corpse – and that body-shaped thing that was half on the floor couldn't be anything but a corpse – that was cradled in its grasp. The features of the carcass were long since lost, its skin almost as pale as the figure that held it and shriveled like a pruned fruit, yet pulled against the skeleton. With a satisfied gulp, the figure dropped the corpse and it clattered on the floor like a sack of bones, the ligaments and muscle that once existed all but gathered cells of air without the residual fluid of life.

"O-Oh. That's...visceral." Hugh mumbled to himself.

"Yeah," a youth's voice, wet with something unsanitary and inhuman, responded. Hugh looked around for the speaker, before he looked at the figure when it burped. The figure licked its chops, almost as if he were on a high. "Excuse me."

"...Uh, sure. I mean, um, hi. Do-do you know where the freezer is?" Hugh asked. The figure faced him and revealed a pale young man with dark hair that...well, it looked like a duck's behind. Hugh stared at it, marveled by its soft texture and oblivious to the other unseemly features of the figure. Duck Butt Hair, wiped the red residue from his mouth, slurped it off his thumb, and then looked Hugh over.

"You work upstairs?"

"Um...yes?"

"Go back the way you came, and take the left turn."

"Right." Hugh nodded, making an abrupt turn to do just that. "Thanks."

"Before you go–"

"I-I won't say anything!"

"No." Duck Butt Hair chuckled with a smile so large it wasn't natural. "No, you won't."

Red eyes glowed and Hugh wondered if that was a normal eye color before his mind went blank.

The Uchiha stared into the mortal man's eyes and bewitched him with The Stare. The Coven had their own term for this power, but really, it was nothing more than an intense stare. The Uchiha wiped the man's memory from their encounter and turned him around. The small body count he had needn't get higher. Local authorities' ineptitude and feeble minds only protected him for so long.

Plus, that mortal was of a different race, faint but it was there. Like that of the Yankee. The Uchiha groused at the thought of feeding on the Caucasian male. Impure blood ran through their veins, the taint of early European inbreeding still present.

"Not to mention, he smells like he is B Negative. Nasty." The Uchiha shivered. He preferred Type O. It was the most common and easily found. With that, he looked down at the corpse of the girl he'd fed off of for the past day. She was nothing but a bag of skin filled with bones. With a scoff, he turned to reclaim his discarded attire. He had done so prior to even acquiring the girl, past experience told him that his prey preferred being difficult. He was not so uncultured as to risk further damaging his silk clothes, even for a meal.

A gentle rumble beneath his feet drew the Uchiha's attention as he finished dressing. Slicking back his hair to adorn the guanmao, The Jiangshi turned his red eyes down to the ground.

"Yes?"

The ground was silent, but a whisper slipped through the air. Dancing among the spirits unrecognized by the Pantheon of Fools that dominated this land. The Uchiha stiffened.

"Do not address me by that name. You have no right." He growled. The rebuttal was pious and amused, but delivered with the aid of a slumbering power that threatened to awaken if he kept up the attitude. His lips curled back, he bared his fangs at nothing and everything at once. "...Fine! Point me in a direction then!"

Damned wind spirits. They were acting so haughty since they were released by that monstrous king's escape. We're it not for his goal to end The Yankee, he'd round them up and show them how the Uchiha's fire consumed air like the worthless element it was.

The Uchiha narrowed his eyes and slowly made his way from the hole he'd rejuvenated in. Once he'd made his way up the stairwell, he was sure to grab the passing busboy by the throat, which doubled at silencing his cries, and pulled him along. This way, he'd have some food for the road.

Outside, another spirit dropped a warning: The Tian God remained with his quarry.

"It matters not who The Yankee surrounds himself with. Man, Woman, Demon or God, nothing will stop me. I'll be ready for the magic this time." The Uchiha assured himself more than his 'client'. The undead sneered at the spirit's attempt to chide him and batted it away with his free hand. "Unless you wish to tell your master that her agreement with me is voided, do not intrude upon my hunt. Understood, Spirit?"

The spirit trembled before it shot away. He paid no mind to its flight or tragectory, for he was simply reminding it where it stood as a mere messenger. The busboy let out a rasped plea, but it too was ignored. The Uchiha was focused on his goal, as always, and strode with a light skip to his step towards his prey. By the end of the month, he would make sure of one thing…

The Yankee would die at his hand.

"I'm going to die at his hand." Naruto groaned aloud to no one in particular. He felt his veins tremble with each beat of his heart and his feet essentially dragged with each step. Were it not for the fact this excursion to one of southern New York's State Parks was supposed to be kept a secret from the Titan Army, he would've just accepted the call of Hypnos and passed out in the clearing Minato was training him in.

He stumbled into the small cavern that they had found to take refuge in. He preferred the natural defense to constructing a cabin, as Grandmother Leto had opted to do for herself and Minato — "Deism comes with perks, and I don't know a single god or goddess that doesn't abuse them," his grandmother had said. That, however, was counterproductive to their goal of having a hidden sanctuary for when the Jiangshi finally made its reappearance. The cavern was concealed amongst the climbable cliffside — only possible if the weather permitted or if one had Chakra (Naruto had found that out after an ill-fated attempt at slowing his and Thalia's fall the day before) — and though the entryway required some widening, it hollowed into a large space that he and Thalia decided was enough to survive with.

The blond son of Artemis limped over to the sleeping bags that were set upon various pieces of foliage, and collapsed onto it. The warmth that emitted from the fire pit soothed his aching body.

Thalia, who was reclined beside him and reading through a new copy of her GED study manual – courtesy of Grandmother Leto – lowered the book to reveal an unimpressed frown on her face.

"Whatever you did can't be as bad as reading this thing by firelight."

"What about the lantern?" He asked.

"It barely lights up the room." Thalia grumbled. When she lifted the lantern in question, it flickered obnoxiously and would have likely cut out if she hadn't shocked it once more into working. She set the illuminating tool aside with a huff. "Dumb thing's a piece of crap."

Well, it was a cheap purchase he'd made just to give his bug out bag a secondary light for such an occasion. Still, he was pretty sure his day was worse.

Tell her about the eighty failed attempts to walk up a tree and the various dislocations you suffered from each fall! The Fox laughed at the memory while all Naruto could manage to do was groan as his joints were reminded of their suffering. Oh, no, wait! Tell her about your genius plan to use more chakra and how you launched yourself halfway across the clearing and broke your collarbone! Thrice!

Naruto did his best to ignore The Fox's guffaws. He turned his head to meet his girlfriend's eyes.

"Wanna trade?" He offered and rolled onto his side. The resettling bones in his body protested and he exhaled firmly through his nostrils. One of Thalia's eyebrows arched up and he fought back a grimace. She had noticed his discomfort which wouldn't help his sales pitch. However, judging by the way she held his gaze, she was weighing her options.

"Don't I need the chant-ra stuff to do ninja magic?"

"Chakra. Jutsu. And I don't know. Probably?"

Definitely! The Fox corrected him. The sadistic amusement was present in its next words: Didn't think you'd be such a bitch about this, Boy.

Shut it, Energizer Fox.

The growl that preceded the silencing of the creature left Naruto rather satisfied.

"Then I'll pass. I don't need magic to be awesome." Thalia snorted, lifting her book back up. Her eyes squinted as she tried to make out the words on the study guide and her brow pinched as her frown grew more annoyed. Naruto pushed himself up onto his elbows and pulled his now slumbering legs up so that he could sit beside her.

"Dyslexia giving you issues?" He asked. It wouldn't be the first or the last time such a thing happened. He didn't offer help, knowing it would be shot down. Naruto spent enough time with Thalia prior to their relationship's start to figure out it was best to let her come forward with a request than to offer assistance so blatantly. Unless it was causing him unneeded stress by proxy, as her dreams of Jason had done not a month ago.

"A little. I mean, I can read it fine." The stubborn girl huffed before she pushed the guide to her lap and rubbed her eyes. "I just—it needs to be a little brighter in here. That's all."

Naruto looked at the bright orange lights of the flickering fire pit, and then out at the nearly set sun. While that seemed abnormally bright to him, he had to remind himself that his eyesight wasn't exactly normal, even by demigod standards. Though the color of both light sources was certainly radiant and eye-catching, it didn't make things easier for the average human eye to make out. That his girlfriend was dyslexic and wasn't exactly keen on book study probably didn't help.

"Why don't you stop for now, then? Don't strain your eyes." He suggested as he laid back, folding his left arm beneath his head and groaned as his back reminded him of the barrage of healed bruises that the ground left on his person from each sequential fall. He closed his eyes and urged The Fox to do something about the pain he felt.

Deal with it, Brat. The Fox sneered back at him. I'm here to keep you alive, not comfortable.

I hate you.

Ah, so that's what that pleasant tingle is. Keep it up, it fuels me.

"With our luck, we'll get attacked by something in the middle of the night. I want to get as much studying in as I can before everything gets crazy. Again." Thalia's firm refute had Naruto cut the conversation with his tenant short. He arched a brow and opened his eyes to look at her once more.

"Minato's seals and Grandmother's blessing masks our scents." He pointed out. The carved series of Kanji-like runes that were set by the entryway were invisible to the naked eye, unless one knew how to find them. The markings specifically determined a seal's purpose and it was the internal chakra that gave power to the magic, rather than the amalgolistic energy that existed on a preternatural level. It was, admittedly, a fascinating thing, and arguably the one mystic art that Naruto wasn't against learning. It reminded him of his one-time use of Ancient Runes, but where that art that was more of a subconscious thing — Naruto still doesn't know the finite workings of his arm's runes outside of their containment use — Fuinjutsu (as Minato called it) was like using modern technology.

So help me, I will recreate the damage done to your collarbone if you take the Blond Idiot's offer. The Fox warned. Naruto glanced at the depiction of Sköll that seemed to be glaring at him.

You do realize this could save my life, right? Keep me from getting killed? He challenged. It will help you conserve the energy you're so worried about using up.

Don't try to logic your way out of this, Boy! Even if you have That Bitch's blood, those family techniques are—!

Oh, so it's a thing the Uzumaki used, hm? The blonde smirked when the Fox snarled. He was already aware of his maternal family's use of the art. Minato, for all of his tolerable qualities, was not subtle in his attempts to coerce Naruto from the Olympian Pantheon he was determined to remain with. Stories of Kushina's antics and her own prowess in the field of Fuinjutsu were shared during breaks. His birth mother was quite the character, it seemed, and had a never-say-die attitude he was proud to say lived on in him.

…I shouldn't have said that. &$*%! The Fox cut their connection as it started to curse him.

"Whiskers, I don't think our luck is better than Minato's stupid magic." Thalia grumbled, once more drawing his attention outward. Blue eyes noticed the way her shoulders had tensed and trailed down the sleeve of her jacket to her hands. Her knuckles turned white as she tightly held her study guide. "And, I mean, no offense, but Lady Leto doesn't exactly have a great track record of hiding."

"That was because of the curse Hera put on her." Naruto argued. He sat up again — gods above, below and Faded beyond, he had to stop moving! His back was screaming at him! Or the lazy fox could get off of its tails and do something for it! — and started to rub her back. He felt the tension in her bleed away and shifted to a gentle cycling of his knuckles around her shoulders and spine. The soft sigh that came out of his girlfriend's lips made him smile. "Still miffed at the fall?"

"As soon as he becomes mortal again, I'm going to kill him." Thalia admitted without any sign of shame, leaning back into his ministrations.

Rather than be disturbed by the casual declaration of intent to murder his biological father, Naruto simply chuckled at the vindictive ire that was aimed at his blood sire.

To say Thalia wasn't happy with their arrival at Storm King Mountain the day before would be a severe understatement. Sure, Leto prevented them from suffering any damage from the fall, but it still left Thalia a little jittery and off-kilter. A good portion of yesterday was spent by the mortal-turned-god apologizing profusely to the demigoddess and his son. Unfortunately for him, though he'd once been there for his acts as Arashi and had since been removed because even Thalia wasn't that petty — she was a little paranoid, yes, but not petty. If that were true, he doubted they'd have started dating when they did or had lasted as long as they had as a couple — but now, Minato had gotten himself back on Thalia's "List". Other figures on her "List" consisted of (expectedly) Luke, Eros, Psyche, Hecate and others currently aligned with the Titan Army.

"I don't see myself shedding any tears for him." Naruto shrugged. While yes, it was his father who was threatened, Naruto had known Thalia much longer. He didn't explicitly hate his father as much as he used to (outside of training that is; his feelings toward the deified mortal were another story altogether while he was being trained), but that didn't mean he was going to worship the ground the man walked on. Minato was in a neutral position in Naruto's opinion. How they dealt with the Jiangshi and the aftermath of the act would likely be a deciding factor in how his relationship with his father progressed.

"Good answer." Thalia murmured as her eyes drifted shut. Her head rested on his bicep and she'd turned to her side, trying to face him and simultaneously lounge against him as she normally did, but the slight distance in their seating arrangement made it difficult, hence her awkward lounging. Her book rested in her lap, closed and the page she was on threatened to be lost as her hands went slack.

Naruto felt his lips pull up at the sight and shifted his stroking hand into a full one-armed envelope. Before she could protest his actions, he pulled her back to lie with and — ignoring the adamant objection his back had to make to the action — atop of him. Her mouth, which had been open to berate the initial action, let out a sound that he would be sworn under a Styxian oath never to bring up again before he silenced it by pressing his lips against hers. He felt her relax against him and his other hand slipped around the small of her back. When their lips parted, he resumed his gentle knuckle strokes and smiled softly at her.

"You jerk." Her eyes narrowed as she attempted to glare at him, but it was ruined by the flush of her face. One of her hands pinched his side and she pushed herself to sit up, essentially straddling him now. He twitched from the 'attack', but kept smiling at her. A halfhearted jab connected with his shoulder. "I'm trying to study."

"Well, I'm trying to relax after falling off various trees." He muttered back. His ministration on her back stopped when she sat up, but both of his hands drifted down to rest at her waist. Unbidden, his thumbs made circles on her hips. "Your 'studying' is not helping either of us relax."

"I'm n-not trying to relax!" Her failed attempt to cover the shudder he caused made him smile.

"All work and no play makes Thalia a boring Tree Girl." He teased, giving her a pinch on her sides before his thumbs started massaging her hips again.

"Whiskers—Stop doing that!" Her hands grabbed his and she pulled them from her hips. They were pinned out to his sides and her face was inches from his once more. There was a hint of annoyance in her eyes as he stared at them, but beneath that was the rising storm of The Monster that lurked within. Her breaths warmed his face as she grumbled. "That. Is. Distracting."

"You're stressed." He tested her grip on his wrists, which caused her to double down on her position. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he noted their intimate closeness. The urge to roll and leer down at her was there — a byproduct of instincts the accursed bite made more prominent and an inferiority-issue brought about by his y-chromosome, he was sure. He resisted that base urge and continued to stare up at his girlfriend. The contemplative look in her eyes was a little concerning, so he decided to snap her out of it. "You're on edge, we could be attacked at any time. I get it—"

"No, you don't."

"Then explain it to me." Naruto feinted pulling his right hand free and, when Thalia tightened her grip, he pulled out the left. The surprise at losing hold of him cost her grip on his right wrist and before she could recapture either, he cupped her face and guided her into another kiss. Again, she relaxed into it and, once her arms slipped around his neck, he ended it before it could become intimate, since that was counterproductive to his current goal. She scowled at him again; he knew she didn't much care for being teased, but the faces she made the few times he unintentionally did so were adorable. As was the scowl she graced him with now. His thumbs brushed over the freckles that dotted her cheekbones and his eyes flicked between hers imploringly. "C'mon, Tree Girl. Talk to me."

"I hate you." She grumbled. He brushed off the words, knowing that it was the bravado she used to protect herself when she felt particularly vulnerable. With a frustrated growl, her head dipped forward to rest under his chin. She huffed and her fingers twined in the golden bird nest that was his hair. "While you're out there playing 'magical ninjas' with your dick of a dad, I'm stuck in here trying to read a study guide with a crappy lantern and a fire pit!"

Ah. He understood her frustration. It wasn't solely directed at her attempt to study, but that was part of it. She wanted to do something, to actively prepare for the creature she knew was coming. Defense and counter attacks were not Thalia's preferred combat style, but it was still better than studying in a dark cave.

"We're not playing 'magical ninjas'." He snorted and moved his hands to skirt across her back and skate along her sides. Another kiss was planted on the crown of her head before he buried his nose in her erratic mop of hair — both of them were overdue to get haircuts. Her scent filled his nostrils and his mind blanked for a solid second, before he recovered from the happy daze and spoke again: "Tell you what, I'll talk to Minato tomorrow before we get started on whatever he's got planned for me. Maybe he can think of something to help you."

"Forgive me if I don't sound thrilled by the prospect, Whiskers." She grumbled. He understood her position on the matter, his father had tried to kill her, after all. However, he wasn't going to leave her out in a cave to go crazy if he didn't have to.

"Look, you're the one that wanted to come out here with us." He pointed out, and got a scowl in response. His initial plan was to have her go back to Camp, and she shot that down hard. "Did you at least call Annabeth?"

"Yeah. Annie's gonna look into the Chinese vampire thing and get back to me later." Thalia sighed, she shifted until her lips pressed against his neck. Well, he wasn't opposed to some more 'active' cuddli—hm, her hand was deviating from his shoulder. Where was it go—?

Oh. Naruto swallowed spit when he felt his blood flow abruptly change course. His back let out another throb of protest when he tried to pull away, and a not-so-gentle nip on the clavicle rooted him in place. I might've taken the teasing too far.

Serves you right, Boy. The Fox sneered. Hope you enjoy it with a sprained spine.

"Th-Thalia, wait! I'm-I'm still a little so-o-oh, gods." He groaned around his words as her affection for him was made known by some very intimate touches that occurred beneath his jeans' waistline. To coincide with The Fox's warning, several unpleasant pulses from the nerves in his spine left him a little mixed on the whole scenario. He was convinced at this point that his girlfriend was determined to drive him insane. Despite the part of him that relished her strong, unwavering personality, his physical detriment told the logical part of his mind that if they continued, tomorrow's training would be worse than today's. "Tree Girl, please—!"

"You wanted me to relax, didn't you?" The hot whisper sent a shiver down his spine as her hand slipped out from his pants. Thalia pushed herself back to straddle him once more, only now she leered down at him. The Monster that lurked in the back of her gaze just moments before had clouded over her eyes. He stared into two storm clouds of desire and want that made his Baser Instincts go haywire and caused his blood to race. Her hands ghosted across his chest to his shoulders before they slid down his sides to the hem of his shirt. As she spoke, he held onto her hips and clenched his jaw: "Well, I'm going to relax, and since you were so insistent on it, you're going to help me."

Her eyes promised him that what would come next would probably be an excruciating, yet enjoyable, experience. Instinct and Emotion battled once again with Logic and Reason. The prior victors of the bout were routed, both swayed to turn on one another, when Thalia craned down to press her lips against his.

Tomorrow's training was going to suck, but it would be so worth it.

In a small lodge that hadn't existed a day prior, a duo of deities sat across from one another.

"I'm shocked at how quickly that shifted in his favor." Minato admitted, his face a hue redder than it had been mere minutes ago. In front of him, resting upon a simple cushioned pillow, lay his now inert crystal ball. The Kage's Eye, a technique handed down from the Second to Lord Third, and from him to Minato. The Yondaime had been ready to teach it to his own successor one day, to ensure that the Godaime could watch over threats within the Village as he and his predecessors did before. Now, that day would never come.

The Jutsu wasn't limited to location, but rather, a chakra signature. Given there was only one other chakra signature in the world that Minato was familiar with, he didn't even have to be as good of a sensor as he was to scry on his son.

"It's not entirely unexpected." Leto tittered as she sat across from him, sewing some article of clothing that Minato had yet to recognize. A gentle if homely smile was on the Titan-Goddess' face. "All of Zeus' offspring have their share of his abundant lust. Even my children are not excluded from this."

"I think your daughter may disagree with you."

"Oh, of course, she would." Leto leveled him with a smile that made Minato feel like an Academy Student who'd just asked a dumb question. Before he could think further on it, she returned to her sewing. "Not to mention, it had to be some time since they last copulated, given the state of their apartment."

"I'm…going to do my best not to think about that." Minato groaned as he rubbed his temples. His son, the babe he held for all of five minutes, was an adult and having sex. It was hard to come to terms with the development, even for the limitless potential of his godly mind. He pinched the bridge of his nose. "Great, now I can't get that thought out of my head. Kushina must be getting back at me from beyond the grave."

"Was she that petty?" The Letoides' mother asked. They'd spoken in depth about his past wife. Leto, like his son, was curious about the woman who birthed the boy. She'd promised to aid him in finding out what happened to his dearly departed, given her apparent absence from The Greek Afterlife.

"No." Minato sighed. A gentle smile crossed his face as he stared off into space, thinking of his lovely bride and her penchant for mischief and mayhem that was bestowed upon friend and foe alike. "She would just think my 'prudish' nature needed attention."

"To use the image of her child's coitus against you…" Leto tittered. "I think even the Queen would find that a step too far."

"I don't think it would've been done maliciously." Minato admitted while he rubbed his temple. "She loved pranks that much."

"…She'd actually watch?" The sewing project was lowered and Leto met his gaze.

"I don't doubt it for a second." Minato deadpanned. He shook his head at the speculative look in the Titaness' eye. "She's not a voyeur. She couldn't stand peepers who got off on perverting the privacy of women. She was like Artemis in that way, but if it concerned Naruto…"

"Yes?" Leto arched a brow and leaned forward, eager for more about his wife he was sure. Minato felt his cheeks warm and averted his eyes. What he would say next was an aspect of his departed bride's personality that he was not supportive of.

"While I doubt Artemis would ever consider witnessing such a spectacle," he said before he sighed. "Kushina would probably have snacks at hand, make commentary during, and critique his and Thalia's technique afterwards."

"How are you so sure?"

"Early on in our relationship, Kushina um…well, she wanted to know how I uh…you know, handled things—"

"Ah, she wanted to watch you masturbate." Leto nodded. Minato stared at her incredulously. He knew the Greek Pantheon was pretty sexually liberal, but to be so at ease with talking about it? He sort of understood why so many of their Goddesses took vows of chastity if this sort of casual conversation was the norm.

"E-erm, y-yes. She uh, she didn't hesitate to critique my, erm, method." The embarrassment that laced his next words was palpable in the air. "Afterwards, she gave me tips and advice to help me, er, enjoy it more."

"Did it help at least?"

"…Yes."

With his resigned admission, Minato hung his head as Leto's laughter filled the lodge anew.

AN: Oh my god. I'm alive.

Sorry for the wait, all. Things…things spiraled.

Long story short, I got injured at work.

I'm better now, but I got a concussion and dislocated my shoulder courtesy of a steel beam that wasn't properly secured to a ceiling. Doctors argued over the severity of the workplace injury and family got on me for what legal action I should or could take against my employers. Months of recovery and legal stuff was the cause of the hiatus over the past third of the year.

Working on the next chapter, no promises on a quick update, though.

Adulting sucks.

Happy New Year, everybody! Here's hoping 2023 isn't another powder keg!