A/N: I'm finally coming out of a long episode of medicine-induced psychosis. Partially saying that as a 'heads up, some formatting might be off', and partially cause I just want somewhere to announce it. And what are author's notes for, if not as a replacement for Livejournal?
I never actually used Livejournal. Enjoy.
Emerald Green
Chapter Four
Pain and Healing
They stopped inside the control room again. Molly looked around, confused. "I thought there was a bed somewhere on the TARDIS? I'm not sleeping on the floor again."
"No, no," the Doctor shook his head. He punched a few buttons. "New room, coming right up."
Molly frowned, taking a few steps closer. "New room?" She paused. "I thought only frequent flyers got rooms?"
"Well…you're about to be one, aren't you?" the Doctor asked. She thought she heard a touch of hope in his voice.
"I mean…we never discussed it." Molly walked up to the main console to stand next to him, and leaned against it again. "If finding my way home took a long time. Whether I was going to stay here, or you'd drop me off on Earth somewhere."
The Doctor frowned. "Why would I do that? Where would you go? You don't technically exist," he reminded her. "Besides, people would mistake you for Lydia Hart. Can't have two Lydia Harts running around, can we?"
Molly smiled a little. "I guess." She hadn't really thought about it – there hadn't really been time - but now she realized she'd been afraid he wouldn't want her on the TARDIS for long, that either he'd set her up on Earth or some kind of interplanetary hotel. He hadn't chosen her, after all. He'd gotten stuck with her. But now, thinking about getting to stay and travel with the Doctor…it made her dizzy thinking about the absolutely incredible things that might happen. She might get to be a real, actual, capital-C Companion.
"'I guess'," his voice had a hint of childish mockery in it as he sarcastically rolled his eyes. "I ask you to travel with me, and I get an 'I guess'?"
She shrugged. "Technically, you haven't asked me."
He turned to her with a small smile. "You're right. I haven't, have I?" He set her clothes aside, straightened up, and held both hands behind his back. He moved his weight forward to stand on the balls of his feet. "So, Molly Quinn? What do you say? Want to see all of space and time with me?"
For a moment, all she could do was stare. This was an official invitation. She'd memorized so many of them: Grace's, Rose's, Martha's, Donna's, Amy's, Clara's. This one was hers. It was really happening.
Molly slowly started to smile, and then couldn't help but laugh from the pure joy of it all, of going on real adventures through time and – gulp – space, with probably the most fun person to travel with she could imagine. The Doctor's smile matched hers.
"Okay. Yeah."
"Yeah?" The excited note in his voice just made her all the more excited.
"Yeah."
He rubbed his hands together. "Brilliant! Who knows, maybe in another dimension we have our own show together. The Adventures of the Doctor and Molly Quinn."
She tilted her head. "Or Molly Quinn and the Doctor."
"Why do you go first? I'm the one with the TARDIS."
"Okay," she said, slowly. "The Adventures of the TARDIS, it's pilot, and Molly Quinn."
He ignored her jab. "The TARDIS, The Doctor, and Molly Quinn. I love it."
"One problem, though," she said.
"What's the problem?" His voice was still excited, as though he relished the thought of a problem.
"The problem with going places with you is that it usually involves almost getting killed."
"Aha," he said, and pointed at her. "Keyword. 'Almost'."
"I disagree; I think the keyword is 'killed'."
He lowered his hand. "Eh, semantics."
"More than semantics," Molly said. "I have a spinal injury, Doctor. You do a lot of running. I can't run. Not for long."
"Oh, that's not a problem, I thought you had a real problem," he responded, sounding almost disappointed. "Easy enough to fix."
Molly stared. "What do you mean, 'easy enough to fix'? There's permanent damage."
The Doctor turned to pick her clothes up again, "For you lot, maybe. You think the rest of space and time might have a hospital or two?"
Of course. She'd seen them. In the episode New Earth, the Sisters of Plentitude. There must be a place somewhere out there where they could repair the damage. She could walk without pain again. She could dance again. She could run with the Doctor.
And here came the tears again, and this time she wasn't sure if she could keep them back. They had gone well past 'overwhelming'. Could there be a word that expressed the dense pile of emotions she'd been feeling the past…how long had it even been? Not nearly long enough for the low lows and the repeated high highs, the thousand different kinds of happiness she'd felt in a flash of a moment, when she'd felt nothing but misery since she'd woken in the hospital all those months ago.
"Okay," the Doctor said. "Tears. Uh…" His discomfort was obvious.
Molly wiped the tears off her cheeks with the back of her hand. "Right. Too much to process at once. I really need to crawl into bed and cry by myself for a little while."
The Doctor seemed almost relieved. "Right. Let's be off, then."
He led the way down a few corridors, until they reached a door. It slid open for them, and in they stepped. It was a plain, but nice little room. Oak floor, dark green walls, a dark wood wardrobe and matching dresser, bed with a comforter that matched the walls. What was unusual were the number of hampers and small trash cans that lined the walls everywhere there was space.
"Hey!" Molly objected. "Is she calling me a slob? I thought we were friends!"
"She takes a little while to warm up to new people," the Doctor explained. "She'll adjust soon enough. Won't you, dear?" He raised his voice for the last bit, as though the TARDIS couldn't hear him speaking at normal volume.
Molly couldn't help pouting, but said, "Fine. At least there's a bed. That's all I really need right now."
"Remember how to get back to the console room?"
Molly thought back on the path they'd taken. "I think so. I'll figure it out."
The Doctor seemed apprehensive as he handed her the clothes. "Try very hard not to get lost. It could be hours or even days before I find you."
"Comforting," Molly quipped.
"Well then, goodnight," he replied brightly, and went out the door.
Molly sighed, and set her clothes on top of the dresser. She headed to the bed and collapsed on top of it, almost too tired to bother to slip under the covers. She closed her eyes, and felt sleep begin to overtake her. She opened her eyes again and sat up in bed, her legs folded. There were a few things she needed to do before she slept.
First, she needed to do some processing. There were too many things to process at once, so she needed to do it by category. Still feeling a bit of the dizziness from being in the Doctor's presence, she decided to start there.
Okay. So. The Doctor. She had just had multiple conversations with the real, actual Doctor. The character she'd obsessed over, when she needed something for her mind to do rather than think about reality. The number of times she'd rewound little moments repeatedly, she couldn't count. A gesture, a wink, a threatening point, all the moments his eyes leaked both power and excitement, when they expressed his ancient life or his childlike perspective, or the way he said something ordinary so very gently, and of course, the straightening of the bowtie. She had been very close to being actually in love with a fictional character. It was embarrassing to think about, now he was real. Obsessing over a fictional character was strange but fine. Obsessing over a real person was creepy.
The obsession and love faded the last couple of years, but he'd still been who she turned to when she really needed comfort. She'd been unable to fully absorb who it was she'd been talking to this whole time, which really had made it easier. But still, the star-struckness had started to set in, and she was worried it would be here to stay. She hid her nerves, the fluttering heart, and twist of her stomach, the knot in her throat under smart comments. Maybe if she kept pretending, the star-struckness would fade.
Molly couldn't believe all the little suggestions he'd made that he also thought of her as a favorite character, that her life was his favorite show. That couldn't be possible; it was kindness that made him say those things. Still, looking back to when he'd given the official offer of traveling with him, she thought she could now see a bit of loneliness in his eyes, a bit of pleading in his voice. He was lonely. He was traveling without Clara – why? If he was so lonely, he could skip to their day together. Something there was wrong.
Okay, now, travelling the world, the universe, and all of time. She could go anywhere, see anything. Run around with the Doctor just like she'd always dreamed. Watch him show her things, show off his cleverness, and – oh, she was back to the Doctor again. Still – here she was, aboard the TARDIS, about to see…anything. That thought alone made her briefly feel like she wouldn't be able to sleep with excitement. Time to think about something else.
Healed. She was going to be healed. No more cane. She'd be able to keep up with the Doctor. And she could dance again. She'd let go of any hope of dancing again, of expressing herself that way, of enjoying the only real talent she had. And now it was going to be back. It was as great a gift as any of the rest of it.
On a more somber note – she was far away from home, with no idea how she'd gotten there, no idea how to get back, and why it had happened at all. Cut off from everyone she knew, the few she did know. From everything. It was sad, but she wasn't sure she was as sad as she should be.
Well, now, she needed to have a little chat with someone. She scooted up to the head of the bed, and placed a hand on the wall.
"Hi. Me again." She took a slow breath. She wasn't entirely certain where she was going with this. "I get it. I'm an invader. It's just been you and the Doctor, and sometimes Clara, and you're already not overly fond of her. I'm not trying to get in anyone's way. You heard, I'm sure, that we're just going to try to get me home." She paused. Saying this next part out loud wasn't what she wanted to do, but it needed to be said. She lowered her voice to a whisper, just in case. "I know the girls who fawn over him are your least favorite. At least, it seems that way. I promise, that's not me. You can probably tell I have…some feelings. But they're not real. They'll fade. He's real now, and the feelings are for someone who isn't. That changes things." Okay. At least that was done. "I get it, if you want to mess with me still. But I want to be friends. And I'm stubborn. Eventually, you'll like me."
That was enough. Her whole body felt weighted, though her mind felt a little lighter. All that was left was a good crying session. Molly stretched out under the blanket, pulled it over her head, and started to release everything that had built in her chest.
Phoebe, Heather, Olivia, Eleanor, Nina, Ivy, Xyla. Was it minutes later? A few hours? A whole night and a day? Impossible to tell. But when Molly woke, she expected everything to come rushing at her as though it were new and shocking. But it didn't. She remembered what had happened, and had accepted it as reality. It was time to go and start this adventure properly.
She rolled out of bed, and started her day with her usual stretches. Then she was happy to discover a door that led to a little bathroom, and longed for her makeup bag as she splashed water on her face. She didn't look the same without her signature red lipstick. She ran her fingers through her hair a few times – better for her wavy texture than combing it out every day, anyway – and changed into the clothes she'd picked out.
Okay. Time to find the Doctor. She grabbed his jacket and her cane, quickly wished for luck, mumbled a request to the TARDIS to not get her lost, and headed out the door. A few turns later, she was relieved to come across the console room. The first thing she noticed was that it was noticeably warmer, and she felt a swell of gratitude. Probably, he kept it warmer when he had human guests.
"Good morning!" the Doctor greeted, and at first it took her a moment to realize he was half hidden under the center console, messing around with bits of wire.
"Morning," she said. She set the jacket aside along the railing. "Not sure how long I slept."
"It's always like that," the Doctor said, rather than giving her a number of hours she'd slept like she'd hoped. He slid out from under the TARDIS, and took off the familiar round glasses that had once been Amy's. That's right. Amy had been real, too. All of them were. Donna was somewhere out there, and Martha and Mickey, too. Captain Jack Harkness would be out there for a very long while.
"I'm guessing you didn't sleep," she commented, leaning back against the railing.
"I don't, usually," the Doctor replied. He began to rub his hands together excitedly. "Now! Ready for our first trip?"
Molly stared a moment, then raised one arched eyebrow. "First?"
The Doctor thought for a second. "…okay, second," he said, and then noticed her continued stare. "Third. Whatever, it's the first real one. First time off the TARDIS. What do you say?"
She swallowed. The thought of ricocheting through space and time made her squirm almost more than the excited look the Doctor was giving her. But this was what she'd signed up for, sort of.
Molly forced a smile. "Let's do it."
The Doctor clapped, and spun around to the console. "Excellent!" His movements were too fast for her to follow, but soon enough he said, "Better grab on to something!" And then they were off.
She turned and gripped the railing as tight as possible, tossing her cane aside. The whole of the TARDIS rumbled and shook and she could picture the opening of the show with the TARDIS careening through a tunnel of swirling light. She managed not to give another fearful whine, but only just. They didn't land quite soon enough for her.
"Alright, ready to set foot on a whole new planet?" She could hear the Doctor's voice, but her head was still swimming with the thought of careening through space, and she found she couldn't respond or even let go of the railing. She felt the Doctor approach, and then let him peel her hands off the railing. "It's okay. We've landed. Come and see."
With a sigh, Molly grabbed her cane and turned and followed him to the TARDIS doors. He hopped out, but Molly hesitated. She looked down at the grass, green, like home. She looked up, and the sky was the same, too, but cars darted through the clouds. She took a deep breath, and stepped out of the TARDIS, onto an alien world.
She stared down at her feet as she took her first few steps. "Oh, my stars," she muttered. "I'm actually walking on a different planet." It felt as though the ground beneath her was buzzing, though she knew that was from her, and not the ground itself.
"Yeah," said the Doctor excitedly, and he hopped up and down a couple times to emphasize it. She looked up as he gestured around them. "Not that different, really. New Earth. New New York. Lots of humans around. A good starter planet, if you're nervous." He turned and pointed to a familiar building that stood over them, white with a green moon on the side. "Hospitals right there. You always know one from the green moon," he explained, and she decided not to point out that he didn't have to. "Run by the Sisters of Plentitude, a bunch of nuns who are also doctors who are also cats. Try not to stare, they don't like it." He turned towards her. "Oh, and you won't need that," he said, gesturing to the cane. She looked down at the stick of wood in her hand. He was right. Soon, she wouldn't need it.
Molly grinned and set the cane back inside, then found herself feeling dizzy. What was wrong? She stood up again, and the dizziness began to spin the other way. She leaned in again, knocked on the wood on the outside, then took a few steps back and stared.
"What is it?" the Doctor asked, confused.
Molly shrugged. "I knew it already, but…it is so much weirder to experience the…bigger on the inside personally."
The Doctor grinned. "Yeah. It's always amazing," he said, and then he closed the door and grabbed her hand and hooked her arm in his to help support her, and led her into the hospital. It wasn't very busy, just a couple people sitting and reading what seemed to be newspapers off a tablet that projected the image around them. Some of the nuns milled about, and though at first she'd been confident in her ability to be cool about it, she found it very hard not to stare. It was so different from seeing them on a screen. Actual cat people, walking around.
"I said 'don't stare'," the Doctor reminded her quietly.
She tried not to blush. "Sorry."
"Oh!" he exclaimed suddenly, dropping her arm and taking off. "They added a little shop! I love a little shop!"
Molly picked up her pace to try to catch up with him, but though her legs were long, he was quite a bit faster, and she couldn't run well. By the time she got there, he was already at the hat rack.
"What do you think?" he asked, turning to face her. On his head he had a boater hat, complete with the red-and-blue ribbon. "Should I buy it?"
Molly scrunched up her face and shook her head. "Definitely not. You look much better with the fez."
A look of validation came over his face. "Yes! Thank you. Fezzes are cool. Finally, someone else can see that."
Molly smiled and turned to look through a jewelry spinner, sometimes admiring, sometimes questioning the taste of the people of New Earth. When she turned back, the Doctor was purchasing something, and she walked up, hoping it wasn't anything embarrassing.
He put the black bowler hat on, and turned to Molly, turning his head to the left and right to show it off. She sighed.
"Yeah, okay, I guess," she responded.
"I think it looks sharp."
"If we were in the past, probably, yeah."
"Well, what do you know?" He objected. "You've been here five minutes. Maybe it's the height of fashion."
"Then these people have a very, very old-fashioned sense of taste."
The Doctor scoffed. "Alright, that's enough out of you. Let's go get your spine fixed." He walked around her and headed towards the front desk, this time, thankfully, a little slower.
They stepped up to the front desk. "Hi," the Doctor greeted. "Doctor here, the Doctor, not an actual doctor, well actually an actual doctor as well, sometimes, occasionally, but not here to work." The nun behind the desk stared, waiting for him to get to the point. He cleared his throat. "Right. We have an appointment for a spine procedure. Patient's name is Molly Quinn." He turned to Molly. "Wait, your name is actually Molly Phoenix, isn't it? Would you prefer th-"
"No." She was aware her voice was overly firm, but just the mention of her old name made her whole body tense as though preparing for an attack.
"O-kay," the Doctor responded, and turned back to the cat nun. "Molly Quinn."
The nun nodded, and typed a few things into a computer. "Floor 38."
Molly took a moment to remember that this cat-woman-nun wasn't actually speaking English. The TARDIS had transformed her mind, or was sort of a part of her mind, translating for her. It was a little creepy to think about, so she set the thought aside.
"Right," the Doctor said, and led Molly to the elevator. The doors closed, and Molly remembered a detail of the episode.
"Uh, isn't there a…disinfecting…shower…thing?"
"Yep! Wait, how'd you know?"
"There was an episode." Molly managed to say before the automated voice came on to warn them. She winced.
"Of course," the Doctor sighed. "I'm just not going to be able to take you to anywhere I've ever already taken someone. It's no fun if you already know everything."
And then the spray began. Molly shrieked, and instantly regretted it. She spat the bitter chemical out of her mouth, and turned to look at the Doctor. He, of course, had his face turned up with a smile. He extended his arms and slowly turned. He seemed to be enjoying himself, until the force of the spray blew his hat off. He tried to pick it up, but kept getting the spray in his face. This made Molly feel a little bit better, but she knew better than to laugh now. No opening her mouth.
As the dryers came on, she leaned against them as much as possible. Being completely soaked was miserable. Finally, the process was finished, and the elevator doors opened. The Doctor spat the water out of his mouth, picked up his hat, and turned it over. A rush of water came out of it. He frowned, and on the way into the room he tossed the hat in a nearby bin.
A nun approached them. "The Doctor and Molly Quinn?"
"That's us," the Doctor said brightly.
"Right this way," the nun responded, and gestured to a bed surrounded by pale white and green curtains. Molly followed them, and realized that every step she took was difficult, almost mechanical. Leave it to her not to notice a feeling until much later. She was nervous, of course. She didn't know what was going to happen. A whole surgery? Would she be awake? Would something go wrong; would they botch it somehow? What if by the end of this she couldn't walk at all?
Still, she sat on the bed when gestured to. The nurse arranged some instruments on a tray, and Molly couldn't help but glance at the Doctor nervously.
He noticed. "Don't worry about it," he reassured her. "It's real quick. In and out, as they say. Do they say that?"
Molly found she couldn't speak, and nodded in response. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed the nun pick up a long silver instrument that looked like a cross between the sonic and a spinal tap needle. She immediately grabbed the Doctor's hand.
"Hey." The Doctor's voice was soft as he placed another hand of hers. "It's not going to hurt at all. I promise."
"Ready now?" the nun asked. Molly took in a slow, deep breath, and nodded. The nurse lifted the back of her shirt, and then suddenly Molly felt like she'd been stabbed in the back, both literally and figuratively.
She glared at the Doctor. "You lied!"
"You know the rules," he replied calmly.
She felt something like a buzzing scrape against the weakest point of her spine, and cried out. The Doctor squeezed her hand as she felt a heat rush up and down her spine, that felt a lot like the contrast dye she'd had used for tests more times than she could count. The needle retreated from her back, and she felt some sort of salve rubbed across her spine. And then the pain faded, including the small ache that had been her constant companion since she'd been shot.
"There we are," said the nurse. "All better." And that was it. She turned and left, and the Doctor helped her off the bed.
"We're done?" Molly asked, dazed.
"We're done!" the Doctor exclaimed. "All good to go, good as new. Told you it was quick, didn't I?" He turned and headed back for the elevators.
"That was a lot quicker than I thought." The elevator door opened. "Oh, no. We're going to have to do that shower again, aren't we?"
"Yep!"
Molly was still trying to process the fact that her spine was healed now as they walked back through the lobby.
"So, it's really done? I can run and dance and do…" and then she stopped dead as a man stepped into the building. "…Captain Jack Harkness?"
"Do – sorry, do what?"
Captain Jack Harkness – the actual, real, stunningly gorgeous Captain Jack Harkness – turned towards her with a knee-weakening smile. "Hi there," he said, approaching them. "Have we met before? I think I'd remember a face this gorgeous."
She heard the Doctor groan as she said, "Oh. Uh, no. Yes. I mean…" she nudged the Doctor with an elbow, hoping he'd get her out of the mess she'd made without having to explain the TV show thing to Captain Jack.
Jack turned to the Doctor, and smiled even wider. "I'd recognize that distrustful, disgusted glare anywhere. How've you been, Doc? Love the new face," he added, and winked. Obviously despite himself, the Doctor smiled.
"Thanks, I quite like it myself," he said, and spun in place to show off his 'new' body. "Funny running into you here, though. Small universe. Teeny, tiny all of time. What are you doing here?"
"I came to visit somebody, saw the TARDIS parked outside on my way out, and thought I'd come in and try to find my old friend." He turned back to Molly. "Your companions just keep getting prettier and prettier."
Molly raised her eyebrows a little. "Guess that means you must be next."
The Doctor made a disgusted sound and headed for the doors. Molly and Jack followed as the Doctor took the key to the TARDIS out of his pocket. As he began to unlock the door, Jack turned to Molly.
"So, how'd you meet the Doctor? He doesn't usually travel with many Americans."
"Bit of a long story," she said, hoping that would be the end of it.
Jack leaned against the TARDIS with one arm over his head. "I'd love to hear it sometime."
The Doctor pointed a finger at Jack. "Stop. Don't."
"Why, are you the only one allowed to flirt around here?"
Molly knew what her line was. "I don't mind."
The Doctor opened the doors to the TARDIS. "No flirting in the TARDIS. I will not have flirting in the TARDIS." He said, and then stepped inside. He then took a step backwards, back outside. "Wait, why am I letting you into the TARDIS?"
Jack's demeanor became more serious. "Actually, Doctor, I was hoping you could help me with something."
"Absolutely not, much too busy," the Doctor responded, and he walked back onto the TARDIS. Jack followed him, and Molly followed behind and closed the door.
"Come on, Doc. It's important."
"So is what we're doing."
Molly frowned. "What are we doing?"
The Doctor looked up from the console he was standing at. "You know. Important things. Very, very important things. Things we can't possibly put off." His face told her to play along.
"You have a time machine," Jack pointed out. "You can get to them without missing a second."
"No, we really can't," the Doctor insisted.
Jack held his hands out in surrender. "Fine. Have it your way. I just thought you might want to see some merpeople from space."
The Doctor paused, and Molly really hoped that Jack's mention of alien merpeople had done the trick. She knew she definitely wanted to see them.
After a moment, the Doctor cleared his throat. "Well. I guess a short detour wouldn't hurt."
A/N: I feel a bit icky, starting with a character with a disability and then four chapters in, disability magically gone. This was still when this fanfic was just for me so it wasn't that big a deal at the time. If I'd known I was going to share it I probably would've come up with some kind of adaptive equipment instead, but by the time I knew for sure I was going to share it, it was just way too much to rewrite. So if you'd like to make it a headcanon that instead she's using adaptive equipment that's attached to her and good pain management medication...please do so. I've had a couple ideas for short stories/one-shots that involve disabled characters, and hopefully I'll be able to get to those someday.
So just a quick shoutout to Temperance Cain, who also wants to see more disability representation in Doctor Who. I wrote this before anything for the 60th was announced, and I was so excited to see some actual disabled community rep, and a wheelchair-friendly TARDIS. Here's hoping for more canon rep!
And a quick 'thank you' to everyone who has reviewed! It means so much to me. But also another 'thank you' to those who have read and not reviewed. Just watching the 'viewer' count go up is a joy.
See you in the next one!