Author's Note: I have a legitimate excuse this time. I was sick. (And still hyperfixated.) Aiming for a second chapter this week, though!
Emerald Green
Chapter Twelve
Shadows
Molly ran, gun in one hand at her side, the other ahead of her to avoid hitting a wall. Behind her, River ran backwards, firing off shots at one of the Dalek shells that followed them down the hall. After separating from the Doctor and Dalek Sec, they hadn't made it very far before being found. She hoped the Doctor and Dalek Sec were having better luck than she and River was, just as she hoped their luck would improve.
"Go left – no, right!" Molly shouted, as she went to her left. Dalek Sec lit as many corridors as he could before they left, and this one had a faint, flickering light. She glanced back and made sure River was behind her.
"We're getting further away from the TARDIS!" River shouted in frustration. "Do you see any kind of panel that might lead us into a room?"
"Can you get one open?" Molly spotted one ahead. "Can you get it locked?"
"I don't know, but we may as well find out!"
"Up ahead to your right, I'll tell you when to turn!"
They raced towards it, and when Molly announced they arrived, River and Molly span around each other, and Molly took a step forward, and fired at the Dalek shell. She was relieved to hear the door slide open quickly, and felt River drag her inside. The door closed behind them, and Molly held her breath. She wasn't quite sure what River did, but when she heard River breathe a sigh of relief, she released her breath, too.
Molly turned and crept through the room, which seemed to only hold various cables along the walls, and a few large computer-y things that seemed more like half-walls to Molly. The room was eerily quiet, save for the distant hum of engines. This was, of course, preferable to the sound of the Vashta Nerada approaching through the walls or in a Dalek shell, but it still made Molly feel tense. She glanced back at River, who was using her scanner as a light to make the walls more visible than the dim light in the room.
River pointed the light in her direction. "We'll wait a bit for the shell to give up and move on."
Molly nodded, and decided to take a seat on the floor, legs stretched out ahead of her. "I am so ready for this to be over."
"What, you're not having fun?" River sounded amused.
Molly smiled weakly up at River. "I think I've reached my capacity for fun today."
River took a seat across from her. "Seems to me you like getting in a bit of trouble. Or was the show wrong?"
"'Bit of', sure. Vashta Nerada on a Dalek ship isn't exactly 'a bit'."
River handed Molly her scanner and gestured to her to hold the light towards her, and started making some adjustments to her gun. "You sound like you're familiar with the Vashta Nerada. Was that on an episode?"
Molly thought she ought to warn of spoilers, but saying that seemed more of a spoiler in and of itself. River would know the Vashta Nerada were in her future. "Yeah. They were a bit different, obviously, but…" She looked around suddenly. The dimness in the room made her nervous. The shells were one thing, but the rest of the swarm was still out there. She needed to think about something other than their possibly impending deaths. "Dalek Sec was on an episode, too."
River nodded as she continued to fiddle with her gun. "He's going to fall in love with you, you know," she said casually.
Molly stared. "Uh, I think love at first sight might be a little too on the human side for anything with Dalek in it."
"Not Sec," replied River, and she glanced up at Molly. "The Doctor."
Molly stared for another moment, then felt a laugh escape her chest. "This is a weird joke for you to make."
"I'm not joking."
Molly tried to read River's expression. She couldn't quite pinpoint an emotion – River was an expert at hiding her emotions, she had to be – but she did appear to be serious. "What? Of course he's not. Why would he?"
"Because you're Molly Quinn," River replied, now lowering the gun to watch her. "And he's the Doctor. Why wouldn't he?"
"Well, for one, I'm not sure if you realize this – he's married."
River chuckled. "I know. But that doesn't matter, not really." She looked back at her gun. Ah. It was easier for River to have this conversation without looking at her. The gun was probably perfectly fine. "The Doctor travels through time. Theoretically, he exists across time and space all at once, with any version of him at every point in time."
"Yeah, I know that. But what does-"
"That means that no matter where he is, he is always married to me, and not married to me at the same time. I've met versions of him before we were married but in the time after we were, and I've met versions of him well after we were married, before the time we got married. He's also simultaneously married to his wife on Gallifrey, and Marilyn Monroe, and Queen Elizabeth the First. There may even be others, I'm not sure," River explained. "This necessitates a polyamorous relationship. I can't begrudge him the marriages that came before me, or even ones after me – though I will absolutely tell him that I do." She glanced up at Molly with a small smirk at that. "Beyond that, he's very nearly immortal. One day, I'll die. One day – perhaps a different day – will be the last day he ever sees me again. How can I expect him to mourn me forever, to never be in love again, to always be alone? Sure, as I said, he may see me again, after I've died for him. But we're not a constant in each other's lives." Again, River looked at her, but this time she held her gaze. "I'll always love him. More than the sun and stars, more than the universe itself. I may take advantage of the open relationship now and then myself – if he can, I should be able to, too - but he will always be the only man I really love. I just can't be that for him."
Molly tried not to stare at the pain in River's eyes. Some of those thoughts had occurred to her, while watching the show, but she never thought to hear them confirmed. She never thought she would have to sit here, across from River Song, and hear how much she loved the Doctor, and how she couldn't be what she wanted to be for him. To hear how she had to share him, the one person she truly adored, regardless of if she wanted to or not. And Molly couldn't tell her what she knew already: that the Doctor would always love her. That he was so afraid of saying goodbye to her, of the pain it would cause, that even when he could see her after she'd died, he couldn't even acknowledge her.
'After I died for him'. She meant after the point in the Doctor's life where she'd died. She couldn't know that it also meant that she would give her life for the Doctor. That she wouldn't allow him to rewrite their story together, no matter the cost.
The Tale of River Song and the Doctor was maybe the most heartbreaking story Molly had ever heard. And she couldn't show it. Not now.
Still. "I'm sorry," she whispered back, afraid to put any volume in her voice, lest she put too much emotion in it. River shouldn't have to hear her – who got to travel with the Doctor the way River couldn't now – feeling pity for her. "That's awful."
"It's just the way it is," said River, looking away again. But Molly caught the tears shining in her eyes in the light anyway, tears River was too proud to shed.
It was time to try to move River away from that pain. "I understand that he must be married and not married at once. When you're a time traveler, it seems inevitable," she said. "But I don't understand why you think he'd fall in love with me. It's ridiculous. And what does my being Molly Quinn have to do with anything?"
A small, side smile took the place of the hint of grief on River's face. "I told you, I can't count the times he made me watch that show. Really, he mentioned it to anyone who stood still long enough. He didn't exactly keep his admiration of you a secret."
Molly shrugged. "Okay." It was still difficult for her to grasp that the Doctor had admired her in any way like she'd admired him, but now wasn't the time to get into it. "But that doesn't mean anything. I mean, firstly, that doesn't imply any kind of romantic inclination. He can like me and not ever develop any kind of feelings for me."
River's smirk reappeared. "Oh, I watched him watch you on the screen. It certainly does."
"Secondly," Molly continued as though she hadn't heard River, "The person he admired was a fictional character. He's smart enough to know that. That I am a real person, with more flaws and issues than a character on TV, that I have aspects of me that couldn't be shown on a television show, that I can't possibly be exactly like a fictional character, that he doesn't really know me as me. He's not going to feel for me what he may have felt for a fictionalized version of me. He's going to realize, if he hasn't already, and I'm sure he has, that I'm not her. That I'm a real person. That I'm a different person."
"Like you did with him?"
Molly stared, but somehow found herself unable to speak. Of course she had. She'd even discussed it with the TARDIS. He was real, and whole, and she didn't know him as a person. She knew he didn't know her, and she knew she didn't know him. Of course she had. And she was going to say so.
But the door on the other side of the room slid open. River jumped to her feet, and aimed the gun, and fired before Molly could even get to her knees to aim the light.
"Its shield is still up," said River. "We need to get out."
Molly nodded and turned the light to the door, and they both stayed low as they ran for it. The Dalek – the real Dalek – fired at them, but missed. Molly was grateful that they had as good of aim as Stormtroopers did in Star Wars.
River opened the door as quickly as she could, and they both peeked out the doors. "Nothing this way," she said, looking left.
"Nothing this way, either," said Molly.
"Let's get back to the direct path to the TARDIS, then," said River, and darted back the way they'd come. Molly followed after, glancing back to be sure the Dalek hadn't made it through the door fast enough to start shooting again.
She raced behind River, and felt a wave of relief hit her like a tidal wave when they made it through the door that led to the TARDIS. Back where they began, River and Molly rushed forward. River used her key to open the TARDIS, and they stepped inside and closed the door.
While Molly took a moment to catch her breath and finally feel safe, River didn't waste time getting to the controls. She looked into the monitor and flipped a few switches. Molly assumed she was looking for the secondary control room.
Molly approached hesitantly. She couldn't be of use in moving the TARDIS, and River didn't need help, anyway. But she still felt that their earlier conversation needed a proper conclusion before the Doctor was back with them.
"He's a real person, River," she said softly. "I know that. We already know there are things that are different between our shows and our real lives. I can't say that I really know him. And I can't have feelings for someone that I don't know."
River didn't look at her, but continued searching the monitor for the secondary control room. "But you did, when he was a fictional character." It wasn't a question.
Molly felt her heart flutter. This wasn't something she'd ever admitted to anyone, hardly even to herself, and River had seen it right away. No matter how she wanted to, she couldn't deny it. River deserved more than that. "Yes, okay," she forced herself to say. It was time to confess the secret she was embarrassed to even have. "I had…romantic feelings for a fictional character. It happens sometimes. But I knew the fictional version of him. And I don't know the real him. And he doesn't know the real me. Even if he'd had some sort of crush on a fictional version of me, it isn't the same."
River glanced at her, and then began moving around the console to start transporting the TARDIS. Their time to discuss this was running low, and Molly desperately wanted to reassure River that her fears were unfounded. But River continued, "I'm not saying that he's in love with you now. I'm saying, he will be. He fancied you as a fictional character, and it isn't outside the realm of possibility that it transferred to you, now that you're real in this universe. Just like your crush transferred to him."
Molly half-scoffed, half-laughed. "Neither of those things are even a little bit true."
"No?" River asked, but her voice suggested she had the answer already.
"No," replied Molly confidently, one of her few successful lies. Because perhaps those feelings had transferred at first, she could admit that to herself, but never would she admit it aloud. But over the last few days it had faded, and fast. Better to not even mention any transference of crushes at all. "I know you know the Doctor better than I do, but I really think you're wrong about him, and I know you're wrong about me." She'd promised herself, the TARDIS, and even silently the Doctor that she wouldn't develop any real feelings for him. Having feelings for him would just hurt them both. She'd seen it with Martha. "Even if that were true, which it's not, I'll be back in my own universe long before it can actually happen."
Their conversation was interrupted a moment as the TARDIS began to shake. After a few seconds, while they were still traveling, River said, "It's interesting. You seem to get along well. How long have you been here?"
Molly felt like she'd already lost track of the days. "I think it's been about five days now." All those adventures in less than a week. No wonder she'd gotten sick.
"Five days," repeated River, and the TARDIS stopped shaking as they landed. "That seems to me a good long time to spend tracking down how you got into this universe. The Doctor has been to other universes before."
Molly frowned. "Yeah, but that doesn't mean he can easily find a specific one every time." But it was whatever River was implying that had her confused.
River only gave her a knowing look, though what she knew Molly wasn't sure, and she walked past Molly to the door. "We're clear," she said. "Just the Doctor and Sec in there." She opened the door, and the confusing conversation was over.
She watched River exit, then mumbled to herself, "We're so failing the Bechdel test right now," then followed after her.
The secondary control room was, unsurprisingly, smaller. Which was a problem, as Molly heard banging at the two doors that led inside.
"Shells or real Daleks?" River asked, readying her gun.
"Both," replied the Doctor. He held a screwdriver at one door, while Dalek Sec worked at a computer. Molly could see red flashing lights on the screen, which she assumed could only be bad news. Or, maybe, since they were trying to blow up the ship, good news.
River ran to find a defensible position where she could stand and shoot if either door opened. The Vashta Nerada wouldn't be able to get inside, so the Doctor was probably holding the door closed on the Daleks. "I don't understand something," she said, as she tested aiming the gun at one door, and then another. "If the Vashta Nerada are a swarm, how can they organize enough to control the Dalek shells? How can they even speak through it?"
"The Vashta Nerada can work together as a sentient being if the swarm is large enough. I've seen it before. Last time they were able to do it because…" he glanced over at River. "Well, that doesn't matter right now. I think they can do it now because the Daleks live inside their shells, their whole existence is locked up inside of them. They may have left some sort of psychic imprint on them, that the Vashta Nerada can repeat."
"Sort of like the Angels did to Bob."
"Exactly," said the Doctor, his voice softer at the memory of the cleric he'd failed to save.
Molly went to stand beside Dalek Sec. "Why aren't we blowing up the ship now? I thought it just had to be confirmed."
"The Daleks saw what we were doing and locked the ability to confirm," Dalek Sec explained. "I'm trying to find a way around it."
"Besides that, I need a chance to speak to them," said the Doctor. Molly could hear the strain in his voice as he fought to keep the door closed.
"The Daleks?" River asked, incredulous.
"No, the Vashta Nerada. I have to give them a chance."
"You're going to negotiate with a swarm?" River sounded significantly more than merely 'skeptical'.
"I've done it before."
"You have not!"
"I have so!"
"When?"
The Doctor paused. "Spoilers."
River was practically glaring at him. "And you think this is a good idea, do you?"
"Oh, it's a terrible idea," agreed the Doctor. "But I have to do it anyway."
"What are you going to do, Doctor? Invite them on the TARDIS for a ride?"
"I'll offer to let them live on the ship."
"And when they run out of food?"
The Doctor made a frustrated sound, but whether it was from holding the door shut or the conversation, Molly couldn't tell. "It is the sort of plan where they only live a few more days, but a few more days is a lot better than a few more minutes. I have to offer them those days."
Molly glanced from the Doctor, to River, and then to both doors. She took a breath. "Open the doors."
"What?" The chorus of three voices all sounded like they were questioning her sanity.
"Open the doors," she repeated. "They could break in at any moment, and then it's just us versus them. The Vashta Nerada have been picking off the Daleks. The Vashta Nerada also seem to prefer eating the Daleks to us, at least for now, seeing as we're all still alive. Let them both in, and they'll start fighting each other, if I'm right. We open both doors, they have more targets, and it could buy us time. And we pick off whatever is left. We hope one of the Vashta Nerada Daleks survive so it can negotiate on behalf of the rest of the swarm."
"And if you're wrong?" asked Dalek Sec.
Molly shrugged. "Then I'm wrong and we die. Right now, we're already headed that direction anyway. This at least increases our chances of survival."
"River?" asked the Doctor.
"Let's do it," said River. "I'm ready."
Molly moved to stand to the right of River, closer to the door the Vashta Nerada were behind. She'd try to avoid shooting them, but she had to watch Dalek Sec's back.
"Okay," said the Doctor. "Dalek Sec, open the other door, and then I'm coming over to take over, and you get the Dalek shields down again. In three, two…one."
The doors slid open before Molly could even take a deep breath. No time to prepare herself for this fire fight, no time to pray to whatever it was that had heard her and sent her there to let her be right. The doors opened, and the chaos immediately began.
First, the Daleks began firing on the Doctor as he turned to make his way to the computer beside Dalek Sec. He slid across the top of the computer and ducked down in time to avoid a headshot. River fired at the Dalek to get its attention, which succeeded. But still the shields were up.
Molly didn't have any more time to watch as one of the shells approached her. She tried a shot, hoping the shields weren't working for the Vashta Nerada, and was surprised to find that she was right. The Vashta Nerada didn't know how to turn the shields on. The laser bolt struck the side of it, leaving a burn mark, but no other signs of damage. She dove to the ground when it fired back, scraping her burn painfully. She turned and fired another shot straight at the eyestalk, but that didn't seem to stop the swarm inside.
What did stop it was one of the Daleks turning on the shell and firing repeatedly, screaming something Molly couldn't understand. The sparks flew everywhere, burning her skin wherever they landed, but it gave her a chance to crawl away and get back on her feet.
"It's working!" she heard River shout, between Dalek Sec announcing which Dalek was the most vulnerable. Molly ran to stand at River's left, hoping to have a better chance at hitting Daleks, and any Vashta Nerada that might become too much of a threat. She saw now that the real fight was between the Daleks and the Vashta Nerada, though with the occasional shot towards River as she fired at each vulnerable Dalek. The Doctor and Dalek Sec were left alone as the threat to the Daleks came from both sides. Even though all the remaining Daleks seemed to be here, they knew they were in danger of losing.
Still, there were threats all around them. "Behind you, River!" Molly screamed as she saw a shell approach River. But there was a Dalek approaching her from the front, at well, and no matter how many times Molly shot at it, it didn't stop.
Before Molly could even blink, River swung around and fired at the shell low, and the metal screeched as it tried to move forward, and failed. In a heartbeat, River swung back around in an arc, and just as Dalek Sec told them that the Dalek in front of her was vulnerable, River shot it down the eyesocket. "Down!" she screamed at Molly, and without thinking she fell to her knees, and heard River shoot at something behind her. The Dalek or shell that had been approaching her – she couldn't tell anymore which was Dalek and which was Vashta Nerada – seemed to be blinded by the shot to the eyestalk, and Molly gasped as River leapt over her, used a nearby computer to launch herself even higher, then spun around, feet landing on the eyestalk and breaking it off before sticking her gun into the hole that was left and firing.
Molly watched as River shook the hair out of her eyes. "Oh, I am so omnisexual," Molly said, then paused. "…okay, see, that wasn't supposed to be said out loud."
But River just smiled at her and fired at the next vulnerable Dalek that was announced. But Molly heard the Doctor shout, "Oi! Stop hitting on my wife!"
Molly started to stand from where she'd fallen to her knees close to Dalek Sec, when her eyes locked on the floor. She felt the air leave her lungs, and stood and backed up. "Doctor," she said, as quietly as she could while still being heard. "You need to take several steps away from Dalek Sec."
"What? Why?"
Molly got to her feet, glanced around to be sure she was safe for a moment, and then looked Dalek Sec in the eye. "I'm sorry. I'm really, so sorry," she said. Now she understood why the Doctor always apologized. How it felt to have to say it. "You have two shadows."
Dalek Sec seemed confused for a moment, and then his eye widened in realization.
The Doctor slowly took a few steps away from Dalek Sec, but even as he did so, he turned to the fighting Daleks and not-Daleks and screamed, "No! No! Leave him alone!" He opened his mouth to shout again, but hesitated. Molly assumed he was looking for a good reason for the Vashta Nerada to not consume Dalek Sec, but was struggling to find any.
River was too busy fighting to protect them to see what was happening. "Sec! Are there any more real ones?"
Dalek Sec shook himself out of his daze, and returned to his task. "The one furthest to the left, one in the center. The next two to the right are Vashta Nerada, and then there's two Daleks."
"Well?!" she shouted in frustration. "Which one next?"
But a black shadow suddenly rose from the other four Dalek shells, filling the air above them.
"Get down!" the Doctor shouted, and they all ducked down. Molly couldn't see what was happening, but the terrified, agonized screams of the Daleks told her all she needed to know. The Daleks were evil incarnate, she told herself. But still she knew those screams would be added to the library of things that haunted her dreams.
She wanted to stay hidden down there forever, but banging on the door made her heart sink. There were more Vashta Nerada in Dalek shells coming for them. Eventually, they would find a way to break into the room. They needed to set the timer for the self-destruct, now. But they still weren't safe.
"Stop!" shouted the Doctor. She looked and saw him standing again, and hesitantly got to her feet. He was speaking to the shells, where some of the swarm had settled again. "I know you can understand me. This doesn't have to happen. I can leave you alone, if you leave us alone. We don't have to kill each other."
One of the Dalek shells gave a loud, high-pitched sound, and then there were a series of clicks. It spun its eyestalk around towards the Doctor. "MEAT," it said. "YOU ARE THE LAST OF OUR MEAT."
"You have to listen to me, or you're all going to die. Just let us go in peace. Let Dalek Sec go," the Doctor insisted, holding his hands out in sign of being unarmed, of communicating peace.
"DEATH IS COMING," the Vashta Nerada replied. "YOU ARE THE LAST OF OUR MEAT."
"Just let him go! I'll figure something out! I'll get you back to your universe somehow, and you can have meat there."
"HUNGRY," The Vashta Nerada replied. "YOU ARE THE LAST OF OUR MEAT."
"It's not going to work," said River, backing slowly up against the TARDIS. "We have to go."
"Doctor," began Dalek Sec. "There is no way to set a timer."
The Doctor closed his eyes in an expression of defeat. He lowered his hands and turned towards River and Molly and explained, "It's an old ship. Some of the old ships wouldn't allow a timer on a self-destruct sequence. If the Daleks on board were too weak to avoid having to blow up their ship, they needed to be destroyed in order to avoid their contamination of the Dalek race."
Molly looked over the Dalek Sec in horror. "There has to be something we can do."
"There isn't," replied Dalek Sec. "Run. When the TARDIS is gone, I'll initiate the self-destruct."
"No," insisted the Doctor, walking up to stand beside him as he extended a finger towards him, despite River saying his name in warning for getting too close to the two shadows. "You are the only hope of ending the violence of the Dalek race, of saving all those worlds and galaxies and people they'll destroy." He paused. "River, get them both in the TARDIS. I'll do it."
Molly felt a rush of cold, and her heart twisting painfully. "No, you can't!"
The Doctor shot her a firm look. "I can and I will. This is how it's going to happen, Molly."
River shook her head. "She's right, Doctor. You can't."
"I said I can-"
Dalek Sec interrupted. "The Vashta Nerada are attached to me now. They'll consume your companions and live inside the TARDIS. That can't be allowed."
The Doctor bit his lip and shifted his jaw, a hard look in his eyes. Molly could almost see his mind turning, desperately trying to find some other solution. But a metallic sound filled the room, and they turned to see the Vashta Nerada leaving the Dalek shells to become a large, dark shadow. Molly looked to Sec, and could see the second shadow begin to creep up his body.
River threw open the door of the TARDIS. "Doctor, we have to go. Now."
River motioned for Molly to get inside. She looked to Dalek Sec. "Thank you," she whispered, and then turned and ran for the TARDIS, and handed her gun off to River.
She turned to see the Doctor hesitate another moment. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry."
Dalek Sec only nodded. "It is better you live than I. The universe needs you. I'm only sorry we could not work together to create the human-Dalek hybrid race to bring peace to my fellow Daleks."
"Doctor!" River shouted impatiently.
The Doctor tried to speak, and found he couldn't. He began to reach to shake Dalek Sec's hand, and realized he couldn't. "Goodbye, Dalek Sec."
Molly thought she saw Dalek Sec smile. "Goodbye, Doctor."
Molly stepped out of the way as the Doctor turned and ran into the TARDIS, River a moment behind him. Molly resisted a scream when she saw a shadow reaching for them, an inch behind. River slammed the door closed just in time to shut the Vashta Nerada out.
Molly turned to see the Doctor at the console. The tell-tale shake of the TARDIS told her they had left the ship. The Doctor ran back towards them, and opened the door. Molly saw the stars and quickly backed away, but between River and the Doctor she could see the Dalek ship for a moment, before a swirl of white, blue, red, orange and yellow exploded outward, consuming the ship as the Vashta Nerada had consumed the Daleks.
This adventure was over.
Molly only realized she was crying when the Doctor turned, and she could see tears in his eyes, too. He took a few steps over to the stairs, went one step down, and sat, burying his face in his hands.
"I couldn't save him. Again." The Doctor's voice was tight and low. "He died to save me. Again."
River slowly approached, and set a hand on his shoulder. "He didn't have a choice. The Vashta Nerada were already attached to him. He was going to die, anyway."
"I should have known!" the Doctor snapped. "I should have known it was going to happen, I should have found a way-" He stopped, seeming to realize he was shouting. He turned to River with an apologetic look but said again, quietly this time, "I should have known."
"You couldn't have," Molly said gently. "We knew the Vashta Nerada could get any of us at any time. You couldn't have known it was going to be him, you couldn't have known it was going to be then."
"There was nothing you could have done," River followed up.
The Doctor scoffed. "Then what's the point of me?" He stood, and walked down the stairs. Molly moved to follow, but River held up a hand to tell her to wait.
"Let him have a moment," she said. She turned and motioned for Molly to follow her towards the center console. Molly looked for a moment at the stairs, but did what River had indicated.
She folded her arms and leaned against a part of the console where she wasn't likely to touch anything, and leaned forward to press her forehead against her arms. The adrenalin was fading, and she was feeling warm, dizzy, and sick again. Her bones ached. But the ache in her heart was worse.
"I don't like this part," she whispered, not wanting the Doctor to hear her. "I knew it happened sometimes. But I was really hoping to only get to do the fun stuff."
"So do all of us," said River. Molly looked up again, and River was looking into the monitor at the space where the ship had been a moment ago. Where Dalek Sec had been a moment ago. "But when you travel the universe, when you travel through all of time and try to help people, sometimes, you lose."
"We made it out alive," Molly muttered. "We stopped a ship of Daleks from spreading the Vashta Nerada. Something good came of it."
"Yes. And that was good. But that doesn't make it feel much better, does it?" Molly shook her head in reply. River continued, "And he carries so much of that with him, always. We come and go. But for him it's…"
"Yeah," Molly breathed. "It doesn't stop."
River looked over at Molly. "That's why he needs us. All of his companions. To remind him that there's still good out there. That he also saves people. That there are still wonders to discover. That's your job, now. To help him see it."
Molly found she couldn't look away from River's face as the world – the universe – was placed on her shoulders. "That's a lot to ask of someone," she said, then paused. "But if the others have done it, I suppose I can, too." And something in her mind clicked. "That's why you don't mind the other companions so much."
"I come and go," River replied. "They stay longer. He needs them as much as I need him."
Molly wasn't sure how to respond to that. She sighed and turned, leaning back now against the console. She watched the stairs for the Doctor. Her heart hurt for him too much, for River, for Dalek Sec. She had to talk about something else. "So, you go on your own adventures sometimes, right?"
"Oh, yes."
"They all as fun as this one?"
"Sometimes more, sometimes less," River responded. "I do enjoy the ones where I get to use hallucinogenic lipstick. Did the series show when I got to be Cleopatra?"
Molly smiled. "Yeah. You looked great."
River laughed in reply. "Well, of course I did."
"And you're a professor?" A dangerous subject, especially considering Molly's difficulty lying. But it seemed a logical question she would ask, if she didn't already know.
"I am," said River, a bit of pride in her voice. "Archeology. Best way to find the Doctor."
Molly remembered. 'I'm just looking for a good man'. "That makes sense."
"And you're a journalist?"
Sighing, Molly said, "I'm not sure what I am. I was a failing journalist, and a ballet workout instructor. After being shot, I had to change my identity and move away. I had a tentative job at a paper there, but…I guess I got tired of failing. I wasn't sure what my next move was."
"Failure can be frustrating," said River. "But it's also the only thing that leads to success."
"Hmm." Molly had heard it before. She knew it was right. But it was exhausting, trying and failing, trying and failing. "I'm not even sure it's what I wanted to be successful at. I wanted to save the world, and just writing about it wasn't doing enough."
Out of the corner of her eye, she saw River smile. "And you ended up here, where you can save worlds and galaxies, sometimes the universe. Seems like the right place for you."
"If only I was actually supposed to exist in this universe."
Molly heard footsteps on the stairs. "You talking about me up there?"
"Not everything is about you, sweetie," replied River.
As the Doctor approached them, Molly looked him up and down. He had a small smile on his face as he straightened his jacket, but a cloud of sorrow clung to every inch of him. His smile touched his eyes, but only just.
'Then what's the point of me?' Molly had heard something similar before on his show. 'Then what is the point of you?' Amy. She hadn't meant it, not really. Molly couldn't even blame her for saying it in that situation, the emotional state she'd been in. But the thought had lived in the Doctor's head ever since. Everyone had phrases like that, words that had stabbed them in the heart – or hearts – and lived there, even if they weren't true.
Now was not the time, but Molly desperately wished she could take him aside and explain just how much he was worth.
"So, where should we drop you off River? Or are you sticking around for a bit?" The Doctor asked, his voice hopeful though he tried to hide it.
"I think I've caused enough trouble for one day," said River as she stepped back from the console. She knew how to fly the TARDIS, but she was letting him do it himself. Give him something to do, something he was good at. "Back to university for me."
The Doctor stepped up to the TARDIS and began setting the destination. "How did you get that distress call, anyway?"
"Can't expect a girl to give away all her secrets," she said. "Shall we do diaries?"
From the opposite side of the console, where River couldn't see him, he closed his eyes briefly. "No need," he replied.
"No?"
"No." He looked around the console sheepishly. "I may have misplaced mine."
River looked at him in frustrated disbelief. "You lost it?"
"Just a bit. It'll turn up," he said. "We'll catch up next time."
"Not exactly how that works, Doctor," River admonished him. "But fine. You write this down when you find it, and we'll figure it out later. Or before."
The Doctor gave her a half-smile, and they were off. Molly grabbed hold of the edge of the console to keep her feet under her until they would land. She glanced at River, and saw the concern in her eyes. She knew something was wrong, and that the Doctor wouldn't tell her what it was. Molly couldn't look at River's fear of what the Doctor wasn't saying for long, and was relieved when they landed.
River walked back around the console to the Doctor, and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. "I'll see you later, Doctor."
The Doctor smiled grimly. "Later, River."
River turned to Molly and reached out to shake her hand, but Molly elected to give her a hug instead. "Stay safe out there. You're a lot of people's favorite character."
"Am I? Well, of course I am," said River, and she briefly returned the hug before pulling away. "Good luck getting home. And with him."
"Oi," objected the Doctor, but there was no heart in it.
With another wave goodbye, River Song left the TARDIS for the last time.